Comedian Rob Schneider: Woke Up in America

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FedEx Office. I'm a traditional liberal, which makes me a right-wing fascist now. It does automatically, you know, if you're for things like, you know, free speech or women's rights, equal rights, don't judge a person by the color of their skin. Now they want you to judge somebody by the color of their skin, you know. If you're white, you're automatically racist, you know. It's like, what? Yeah, you're white, you're racist. Really? I don't feel racist.

Well, yeah, because you're, that's how racist you are. Rob Snyder is all pumped up because, and so we, Woke Up in America is available now on Fox Asia. As in this moment, Rob? Yeah, you can watch it.

I love it. That's the thing about streaming services. They start at midnight, you know?

Right. Have you watched it at midnight? Have you watched it at midnight?

I watched a little of it last night. It's just so funny because you spend so much time doing the color correction, you know, making sure the colors matches and everything, and the sound, and then you end up listening on, people listening on their phone, you know? I was like, I did it in Dolby, 5.1.

It took a week. And like, people are like listening to it on their phone or their speakers. You mean you watch, you watch.

On the Fox News app, you go to Fox Nation app, you watch on your phone. Yeah. You have to get used to that.

Yeah, but the point is, it's frustrating. It's like, I see movies and I see, you know, I go to my friend's house, he's watching a movie, he's got the wrong setting on his TV. I said, you know how hard it is for these guys to get the movie just right? And then you set it on video and it looks like crap. I'm watching Javier Bardem with some movie. And I said, you know how angry he would be if you're watching it on this thing?

It's like, he spent three months of his life on them. So, but it does, you gotta just get over that stuff. You do, you have to. You have to.

Right. No, I mean, because for example, even in the news, different, live, but now I never thought five years ago I'd be watching so much on my iPad and my iPhone. I know, but you have to because it's easily accessible and it's your job.

You gotta watch it quickly. But like, you know, I look at the, you know, today the news and like, you know, I won't even say which website that did the, some little mini review on something that was released on something. And taking your jokes out of context is like, you know, like I talk about how people moving from New York to Florida, you know, and they said, he called them blah, blah, blah. It's a joke. And I said, and they are moving from New York and California to Florida.

They don't act like they're not happening. Don't lie to people, you know, but you use these things because people are hot right now and they're angry. And, but that's a good potential. You have to be more careful, but it's a good inroads to get to interesting jokes.

Yeah. I mean, what this is, is a lot of the stuff in the pandemic, a lot of stuff going on in society that you, the setup, telling the story, the setup is so implausible that a few, 10 years ago would say, yeah, we got to do this joke about why people think it's okay for men to play women's sports. You're like, well, it's not going to work. Who's going to believe that? Who would let that happen?

Who would go to bat for that? You know, it's, it's just like what tolerance of that zenith becomes lunacy, you know, it just becomes, um, where nothing, where words don't mean anything anymore. And maybe that's the point of what's happening is just to devolve Western culture, you know? I mean, I don't know what else is happening. I hope that's not the point. But I don't know what the goal is. What is left?

What are you going to replace it with? Well, that's what the vulnerability in our system, unfortunately, it's vulnerable. You can have an industry like big pharma, buy every Congressman, every Senator and donate to them and have a real influence.

And then you have the lobbyists at K street in the Washington DC and they can influence policy and they can shut down the world. It really can happen. And it did happen. And it's just like for people who, I kind of was hip to it very early because I was attacked by pharma years ago. So I was, um, I kind of, what happened? Well, I was, you know, I asked questions and here's the thing about Noam Chomsky, who's doesn't get quoted a lot on Fox as much as he should, as much as he should. But, and I agree with a lot of the things he says on some things, obviously I don't, but, um, one of the things he talks about is that American discourse, we're allowed to talk about, we have vociferous, very, you know, you can talk about, uh, in depth and violently, whatever, how, how you feel, uh, talk about certain subjects, but it's narrow. You're not allowed to talk about certain things. You're not allowed to question science or, you know, or the dogma of, of, uh, pharma pharmacological projects. Oh, I'm sorry.

Um, products. And if you do, you know, you can get shut down because that's how powerful it is. I mean, it really is. It's like in a non-election year, supposedly pharma, pharma products, uh, are advertised only in two countries, really, New Zealand, United States. And it's 85% in a non-election year.

That's a lot of power. I mean, it is pretty amazing too. I just realized a few years ago, like I found out about schizophrenia by watching about the medicine.

They show schizophrenia and they show you somebody's mind separating and what it, with the horror that they have to live every day by this product. I'm thinking to myself directly, don't I need a doctor to tell me this? I could buy ketchup on a commercial. I don't know.

I could go, I could diagnose myself. It works. It works.

It works. It sells cereal. It sells, you know, potato chips and it sells drugs, you know, but I love, I have lovely cousins. They're Filipino. That's, they have to be lovely because they're Filipino and they have to be nurses because they're Filipino and they have to be in New Jersey because they're Filipino.

And so they, they're out there and they just, they tell you, says, you know, they're doctors. They're such lovely people. You know, the Lapids, lovely people.

They live out in New Jersey. And Dr. Renee Lapid and his lovely wife, Boots is her name. Here's the thing about Filipinos.

If you're a nickname, Mexicans and Filipinos get, if you do something as a little kid, that's your nickname for life. Like this is, this is this woman, Maria Lapid, she's a doctor of nurses. She's a, she teaches other nurses how to be doctors, how to be nurses.

Okay. She played with boots when she was three years old. Just a pair of boots. She put on her dad's boots. She's been boots ever since.

She's 80 now and she's still boots. And so they were saying, they said, Robert, the thing is you have to understand when they come to us and these are our patients and they want to have a medication and we say, well, what other drugs are you taking? There is no database telling us all the drugs that they are taking. And the problem is they expect us to take the drugs because they saw the drug on the television and they want to take it. And we say, no, you can't do that. If we say no, because this could have an interaction, we don't know what the interactions are.

We don't know what this, and maybe you don't need this. They go to another doctor and they get it. And that's the truth. And so I don't think that the medical establishment and the medical, you know, I just think that there's a weakness in the system that the pharma, you know, the big pharma is taking advantage of.

I didn't dive heavily into this, but part of the thing that, that judge O. Biden just jammed down our throats with the inflation reduction act is give the government ability to negotiate with big pharma to get the prices down. Bad idea. Right? Bad idea.

Right. And they, they're gone crazy. They're stopping it. Don't let the government, yeah, don't let the government- Negotiate.

Don't let the government negotiate with your contractor for your, for what your roof, you want to- Yeah, but right now it's what they say they sign off on. So yeah, we'll see what goes on there. But the one thing I wanted to ask you too is when you bring this up, are you, you're not worried about corporate America coming down on you. Who are you worried about? I think you have to, I mean, at a certain point, um, you just have to, wherever the authoritarianism is coming from, from which either side, I mean, I remember like in the, in the early eighties with the moral majority and Jerry Falwell, and I was thinking, well, that's too far. And it seems like I can't believe the flip flop, which has happened in the so-called liberal and intelligentsia. They've taken the mantle of, of silencing people who they disagree with and even, even in a, in a greater way, because you have something that like the great dictators like Stalin and Mao and Hitler would have, well, I mean, to have the power where you can actually just, if you control the information and everything, I mean, Hitler was a really interesting one with Goebbels because he understood they can control the, the, the radio and they can control the movies, the cinema.

And then he said, well, here's another thing they can control with people. You don't have to go to the cinema. You don't have to listen to the radio, but you know what? One thing people can't, they can't avoid? Billboards.

It's ubiquitous, you know? And so the Nazis put that up everywhere. And education, obviously.

And education, yeah, right, in schooling. So they just, and then they, you're able to, to, to really subvert an entire society, most of the people. Usually I do think there's pushback and there's like a lot of people from people like you, I know Dave Chappelle went up and said, this is lunacy.

And- Yeah, it is. And then they get attacked as, and then they don't know what else to call you. They can't just admit or debate. So they just, they just demean you and just say, well, he's a right winger.

He's doing this right. You know, he's not like, I would say like George Carlin, they would call him a right winger now. It's unbelievable to me because these are liberal, traditional liberalisms, traditional liberals, like I consider myself, we're heretics now.

Here is another cut from Rob's brand new special on Fox nation cut 40. It's not easy being a liberal. It's not. It's sad. You see them alone in their cars with their masks on. I don't want to give COVID to myself.

Hey, you and the other car, my mask only works when you're wearing- I've got nothing against masks. Seriously. I mean, for some people, it was the best thing that ever happened for two f***ing years. Seriously, seriously. You know who I'm talking about.

People with really sexy eyes, but a f***ed up grill. I was swearing too much in that special. Do you, do you really feel it?

I don't know. I just, with an audience it helps a little. I was feeling it, but also the thing about it was, you know, you go on a plane now and said, no, please respect people who choose to wear masks. They did not say that when we were not like, they was like, put that on or get off the plane or you're killing grandma.

So I don't think that they were as kind to us, you know, for those people who, I mean, I remember- The lunacy early. I realized it was crazy early. I remember they woke up my daughter two or three times because her mask dropped while she was sleeping. Infuriating. I mean, it's unbelievable.

Infuriating. And especially when like, that was the thing that got me, like just seeing like the people here in New Jersey and New York, you know, the educators and governor, crazy lady now, she having, seeing her- Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Cuckoo, is it?

I liked what you said about it. Cuckoo. Cuckoo. She standing in a classroom and they're standing without masks and the little kids, the kindergartners pre-K and they're all wearing masks. That sums up these people. That says, and that's going to be there for life, that photo.

And Stacey Abrams too. That picture for life. And seeing like kids in plexiglass and kids playing instruments inside tents. And I said, well, that is child abuse. And I said that and people really tried to ridicule me.

That is child abuse. And that, who knows what's going to happen? I feel sorry for like, because the studies have not come out yet completely, but if some of the stuff that I have read is that there is like, you know, for kids, people of color, and who were just catching up to the reading and to the math with other kids, now that's fallen off the cliff. Because the idea that they were able to just go online and you see kids trying to- Really? How are they going to go online?

How are they going to go online? So they're standing outside near Starbucks to get into the, you know, to get the wifi. It was really an attack on the poor. In so many ways. And you know what the biggest attack on the poor is? The charter schools.

Oh yeah. The charter schools that have produced, Stanford just did a study and they said that the grades went up 26% or something. These kids get an extra 16 hours of school a week.

By far, the minorities are the greatest one to benefit from charter schools. They have money and buildings set aside, but the teacher's students put so much pressure on the super majority in New York. And I imagine other places, but I know here up close and personal, and they said, that's it for the charter schools. So they went back and tried to lobby to open it up and they still won't do it.

So they only added maybe five or six. That keeps thousands of kids away from a quality education. That will change their lives. If you want to help society, you have to increase education for as many people as you can.

If you want to hurt society, you decrease the potentiality of kids to get good education. Where do you live now? Arizona, right?

Yeah. We moved to Arizona because I saw what was happening early in California. So we got to get out.

We got to get out now. Do you want to know how smart you are to not work for Saturday Night Live and live happy, force to live in New York and lean to whatever you had? I know you didn't have much. You want to hear it? Here's Jerry Nadler on the problem with Chip Roy's legislation that would have prevented any of these autocratic rules like the ones that came down during the pandemic. Nadler spoke up against it.

Listen to this. When we have a pandemic like COVID-19 pandemic that we had, two-year-olds should have been required to wear masks. It would be child abuse for parents not to do that because there was no vaccination available for two-year-olds. Okay. Wow, that's crazy.

How crazy? Try to keep a diaper on a two-year-old. That's not easy. Try to keep a T-shirt on them.

Try to cover their mouth. That's child abuse. And that guy's an idiot. He's a professional idiot. Of course he is. He's a powerful idiot.

I know. Well, that's why you have to have term limits. And I think you got to have, people age out. Like that guy, you need to test drive. If you're 85, you should be tested every six months to drive. And if you're 85, you should be like, he needs to be tested to be in Congress, you know, to be in the Senate. I think they have to do the same thing.

You could see it. And it is, unfortunately, they don't want to give up power. And that's either party. Right. They don't want to give up power.

And unfortunately, that's what, you know, that's what needs to happen. People have to put their own interests to take a back seat. And those are the great leaders. I mean, George Washington, this is the greatest gift he ever gave to the country, was to turn down being king. Right. But the one thing, I think people, my staff here on the radio, they look at me as the George Washington radio because I will turn down. Thank you.

I could live, I could reign forever. Yes, exactly. And I've spent that opportunity. Rob's got a brand new special out.

It's called Woke Up in America. He's got a few more minutes with us when we come back. You, right now, I encourage you to wait till after this half hour is done. You could download it now and you could find yourself laughing because, Rob, it's that good. And it goes for an hour and 15 minutes, right? Yeah, it's a good one. It's three hours of the last three years of lunacy that I've lived under and lived with. And it's like, it's a, for me, it's an emotional mikvah.

And how about this? Color corrected. It's color corrected. The sound is amazing. Watch it on your big screen. That's what it was meant for. Not on your phone.

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That's 800-884-3863. Really like the, you know, the 95, 95, 95, you know, um, you know, obviously that, you know, you're pretty much preoccupied with the 95. And I don't know, I certainly am too. So that is Senator Fetterman on the floor when asked by a fellow Democrat, Rob Schneider, to just say something about the collapsed 95 Thruway and when it could be back on and for the people, for the guy who lost his life.

And here we are, six, seven months in. He clearly cannot speak. He cannot do this job. And he dresses like a poor gym teacher in front of the president. I mean, how the hell does this guy get elected? I feel bad for him, but he needs treatment. Anyone who likes him wouldn't put him out there.

I know. It's like all the great Benjamin Rush, Dwight David Eisenhower, Benjamin Franklin, and the great, the state of Pennsylvania has given another gift, another leader, Fetterman, John Fetterman, you know, it's, uh, it is, it is a sign of the times trying to, you cannot defend, uh, him being an elected official. You would not defend him being like, literally, uh, you'd have to go, I don't know if you can be janitor at this school. You know, the thing is, I don't even think he wants to do it.

He wanted to do a depression when he got it. So how do you, this is, you know, Dr. Oz is a communicator, top five syndicated host for the last 20 years, and he's one of the world's most respected, the country's most respected surgeons. Why would you want to hire that guy?

What good would he do? This guy's a doctor, this other guy here, he's... He ripped his sleeves off, and he wears a hoodie. This other guy's got a head on the back of his head. We need to get... I'm sorry to say, but it's...

He does have a head in the back. I know, it is, it is a sad, uh, state of affairs where they just, but it really does, you peel back the onion, another layer of, uh, saying, they just want a body out there, they just want to vote, and it's so naked. It doesn't matter, you know, I mean, it is, um, but if people have, it has to bottom out, and you, when you think it's bottomed out, they're, oh, it can't get any worse than this, they're not gonna vote for a guy who can't speak, are they? Are they? They did! I know, it's sad, but it's, it's, uh, you know, you, the people get the, the government they deserve, and the state of Pennsylvania, I guess they deserve that. That's all we can say, except for the people in Pennsylvania. I love them, though.

He does love them, especially if you have to want to sell out an arena. Rob, congratulations on the special. I know you pumped up for it. Thank you so much. Can we talk about this on the Saturday Night Show? The One Nation? Absolutely! All right, and promise you'll wear that same outfit. Oh, you got it, brother. Listen to the show ad-free on Fox News Podcast Plus, on Apple Podcast, Amazon Music with your Prime membership, or subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.