Welcome to a special episode of the Breakpoint podcast. I'm Maria Baer with the Colson Center for Christian Worldview, and today I am joined by Claire Morell. She is a researcher and an advocate for children's rights with the Ethics and Public Policy Center. And if you've seen her name floating around the internet lately, it's because she has a new book out that is making waves in a really, really good way. It's called The Tech Exit, a practical guide to freeing kids and teens from smartphones.
So we're so excited to talk with you today, Claire, about some of the research you did going into this book and some of the ideas you have for families who might want to make a tech exit.
So thank you so much for being here with us. Yeah, thank you for having me on. Happy to be here.
Now, you're a young mom. Tell me how old your children are. Yeah, so we have three kids. They are five, three, and one and a half.
So we have littles. Oh, you are in the thick of it. How fun. Oh, that's so great. One of the things I really appreciated about this book, and we're going to get into some of your recommendations as well as your research, is that you spoke to so many families who have kids with ages all across the spectrum, which I think is so helpful.
Sometimes we can get caught up understanding. I mean, I'm a mom myself. My kids are nine and six. And so right now I'm hyper-focused on what they need at this time in their lives. But as you kind of pointed out in this book, the world of digital technology as it is right now is affecting kids of all ages, from the time they're born till going to college and beyond.
Why did you feel like now was an important moment to write this book? Yeah, I felt like it was an important moment because increasingly I felt like parents were aware of the harms of smartphones and tablets and social media, but there was no practical resource out there telling parents that it is possible to not give smartphones and social media to your kids at all. And so I Wrote that book because I realized there was not a practical guidance for parents. And so, you know, Jonathan Haidt's The Anxious Generation was out. People were aware of the kind of challenges.
But I was talking to parents constantly in my policy work on the front lines, and they were saying, you know, the policy solutions you're proposing are great, but what am I supposed to do? And so I looked for parenting books on tech and I just scoured them and I could find no book actually making the case to not get smartphones or social media at all during childhood or telling parents how to do this, how it is actually practically possible for parents. And so that's the book that I wrote. Yeah, so helpful.
So at the beginning, you go into a lot of the research. Of course, you reference Jonathan Haidt and Jean Twangyi and some other researchers who have done some incredible work in this area. What would you say are some of the biggest harms that parents should be aware of? Of not just the content that's available to kids, and we know, you know, there's risks of kids encountering really negative and scary and violent and horrific content on digital technology but but also just the the damage to maybe their um their brains or their moods or their growth that you found in researching this book yeah so what was most compelling to me actually as to why a smartphone-free childhood is necessary is because the more i got into the brain science research the more it became clear to me that the the kind of concept of screen time limits as the solution because I kind of take on these approaches in my book that the main strategies held out to parents have been screen time limits and parental controls. And I really wanted to explore and expose for parents all the ways that these actually fall far short of the problems and how it's actually necessary to have a total opt-out from these particularly addictive screen technologies and then how that's possible.
And so the brain research really shows that even a small amount of time on social media, smartphones, any type of really interactive screen. Is highly addictive to the brain, that the brain actually goes into this dopamine deficit state as soon as they get off. And so, no time limit is ever enough because as soon as they leave the app or leave the screen, their brain does not return to a normal baseline. It actually dips below baseline to create this craving for you to repeat that behavior and do it again. And so, the brain imaging studies of heavy users of social media resemble those of those who have been addicted to highly addictive drugs.
And so, the structural changes happening at the brain level are the same. And then, another kind of convincing piece of research was a doctor named Victoria Dunkley was seeing kids coming into her practice with kind of what you were describing: these mood issues, having trouble focusing, attention spans, just a lot of behavioral issues, just emotional dysregulation, mood swings, just irritability, tantrums. And she found that just taking away the screens reduced, in a lot of cases, the symptoms entirely, like eliminated them because parents were coming in saying that they thought. Their kid had ADHD or autism because of these behavioral changes, things they were seeing in their kids. And what she found is that it was actually induced by electronic screens.
And so, doing a screen detox for 30 days really eliminated the symptoms. In a lot of cases, the kid didn't have autism or ADHD, it was like a screen-induced response. And she says, It's even from like regular use of screens, like 30 minutes a day. If it's an interactive screen, like smartphones, social media, video games, it puts the kid's developing nervous system into this fight-or-flight mode, and that cumulates over time. And just that chronic stress, and they're in like this kind of stress response, and the body's not expending that energy, like their cortisol and their adrenaline are so high that it really dysregulates their mood and their behavior.
And again, she was saying she was seeing that even from just kids with regular use of screens, not like excessive screen time. And so, it just convinced me that the design of these technologies are so addictive and they create this really strong response on a child's developing brain and nervous system that they. Aren't safe in any amount. And so, especially for Christian parents, I would say, like, even if you're like, we're not letting them watch any bad content, we've made sure the content is really safe. You still need to be concerned that the design of the technology itself is harmful to your child's development, their health and well-being, their brain, their nervous system, even in small amounts.
And so, that's why I argue for a total exit and show parents how to do it. And we're going to get into some of your steps on how to do that in a second, but there was a lot of compelling research in a later chapter in the book as well about how using digital tech, even in the classroom, impacts the way kids learn, right? That kids remember what they've read much longer when they read it on paper. They learn words more quickly when they're writing them by hand rather than typing them. And so, I want to ask you, actually, at the Coulson Center, we talk all the time about what it means to be human, especially because it feels like we're in a cultural moment in which that is up for.
Debate much more than it used to be. What does some of this research reveal to you about what it means to be human? What does it mean about us that these devices affect us in this way and that they're so hard to quit? And what does it tell us about what we actually need to function and flourish? Yeah, no, it's a great question.
And I kind of leave the book there, which is like, okay, so I'm arguing that the tech exit is actually a means to human flourishing, but the tech exit is not the end in itself. Like the much greater task ahead of us is pursuing that vision of what true human flourishing looks like. And my point in the book is that the technology is getting in the way of that, and that the first step in pursuing what it means to really flourish as humans is removing it. And I would just say, you know, from a Christian perspective, to me, it's very clear that as humans, we're made for relationship with God and we are made for relationship with other people. Like these are the two great commandments.
We want to love God and we want to love others. And obviously, we're not able to do that perfectly ourselves. We're sinners. And so, for us, then the pinnacle of human flourishing is relationship with Christ, that Christ has fulfilled these things for us. And so, the purpose of our lives, that question of like, what is human life for?
What is the significance or purpose of human life is about union with Christ and following Him and then following Him and trying to live out those commandments. And so, we know by God's good design that we're made for relationship with God and we're made for relationships with others. And so, what I try to point out is that the screens are really coming between those things. That because the screen is such an individualized experience and just the nature of the technology itself communicates a message.
So, regardless of the content on it, the medium is the message, and it actually teaches kids to think that the world revolves around them, what other people think about them, how many likes they've gotten, just holding themselves out for judgment, that it's all about your own self-expression, and just self-pleasure and self-entertainment. Like, the screen will always serve you up more of the kind of entertainment that you want. And so, So Kids are literally just kind of scrolling their lives away and they're not pursuing that relationship with God or with others. And so, obviously, that's not what parents want for their kids. And especially as Christian parents, in trying to teach our children to love and follow Jesus, we have to recognize that the screens is like the number one threat to our Christian parenting because it's very subtle, but the technology itself, regardless of the content on the screen, is communicating something.
And it also teaches this sense of you and the internet, like this sense of independence where you don't really need other people. You can just go to Google. You don't really need to listen to your parents' authority. You can just go to the influencers online to answer your questions or to your peers. Like children are not living then under the kind of good, loving authority of their parents.
And they're being taught by the phones just that life revolves around them and they're really being distracted away from eternal matters to just the kind of pleasure of the moment. And even the addiction scientists who are not Christians are saying that what these phones are doing to us is it's making us live in this limbic part of our brain, living for instant gratification. And we're actually undermining our ability to develop self-control, emotional regulation, delayed gratification, problem solving, critical thinking skills because we're just constantly entertaining ourselves away. I completely agree. And I read a study recently that started in the 70s and this was just looking at very rudimentary, I mean, compared to today's standards, digital technology, a lot of television and things like that.
And they were finding that the more time people spend looking at screens, bizarrely, the less able people were to delineate between different colors and sounds. Basically, it was dulling people's senses. And I think this is another big part of what the screens are doing because part of being human is to be a body, right? And to be in a physical world. And what these screens are doing to not just our kids, but us.
Too is really removing us from the real physical world that we're in, which, as Christians, like you said, we believe God made and God reveals Himself to us through this physical world. And when something is put in between us and not just put in between us and the world, but also kind of makes the physical world seem a little more dull, like things don't happen as quickly, we don't have as much control over them in the real world. That is easy to see, at least philosophically, why that could be a danger to us as humans. Claire, could you talk us through your feast acronym? I think this is going to be really helpful for families who are hearing you, are on board, but need to know how to get started with a tech exit.
Yeah, in the book, I kind of talk about first we need to fast from these digital technologies if we've already given them. And I walk through how to do a 30-day digital detox. But then, once you've fasted, you know, how do you sustain this lifestyle over the long term? I think a detox, like anyone can kind of commit to doing something for 30 days, but how do you actually? Successfully make it through childhood and the teen years, not giving into the smartphone and social media.
And so, I used the acronym Feast. I wanted it to be a positive vision to convey that, like, the tech exit is fundamentally a positive no. It's saying no to screens to say yes to so much more in the real world.
So, fasting from digital technologies, what are we feasting on instead? And so, the feast stands for F, find other families.
So, this was the most kind of common thing I heard from the people I interviewed: they were able to find one or two other families in their community, their school, their church, or their neighborhood to make this exit with them to also agree that we're not going to give our kids their smartphones or social media. And that gave them allies as parents and gave their kids legitimately some friends and peers who also weren't on the smartphones. Because I think that's the biggest pressure parents feel is that their kid is going to be left out, that all the other kids are going to have these phones. And so, having a few kids not on them helps to kind of create a counter pressure against those pressures to give into the smartphone. E stands for education.
Explain and exemplify. And so, this is just about explaining the reasons to your kids. Like, all these reasons we just talked about, the harms to their brain, their nervous system, the dangerous content they could come across, the harms to them spiritually. Like, we want our children to understand this because we want them to ultimately, as adults, make wise decisions for themselves to be aware of these digital temptations, what we're trying to protect them from. And we want to exemplify a wise use of technology ourselves as parents because we're going to be their primary model.
And if we're addicted to our phones, they're going to think that that's what they should do as an adult, or that the phone is like the most valuable thing, that they're more value, you know, like they value the phone more than people. And so, I think we really have to examine our own lives, which is convicting for sure for parents, but it's really important. And so, I do get the question a lot: won't kids just go and binge once they're adults if they haven't had access to these technologies as kids? And I will say from my interviews, I did not find that to be the case, but a big part of that was these weren't just restrictions handed down with no explanation. There was a lot of work.
On the part of the parents to educate their kids to get their buy-in. And maybe they didn't always love those decisions at the time, but they could at least understand them. A is just adopt alternatives. Just try to explain all the alternative phones available these days that are much better than smartphones that can still offer kids the ability to call or text a parent or even to use GPS for driving, but without the internet, social media, or other addictive apps and games. And so I give a lot of examples of those in the book and just how parents have found workarounds to kind of this tyranny of the smartphones.
And so that they're told their child needs a smartphone to participate in the soccer team. These parents kind of don't accept that. They find a workaround, they adopt alternatives, and they don't kind of give into the smartphone. The S stands for Set Digital Accountability and Family Screen Time Rules. And so, you know, the tech exit is really an exit of addictive screen technologies.
It's not anti-using computers or television in the home in a purposeful, intentional way.
So I explain that the practices these families have adopted around using the internet publicly and purposefully, and then any screen entertainment on a television being something that is sparing, that's not. A daily habit, and it's always a shared activity that brings the family together. And that there's just digital accountability always between parent and child: that if a child has an email account or if they have a dumb phone, that there's an expectation that the parent can check that if they have a concern, that there's no truly private channels of communication, and that that accountability in itself is the protection from their kids getting into dangerous things. And then the last chapter was my favorite to write of the feast: trading screens for real-life responsibilities and pursuits, just all the things that we can fill childhood with instead. And particularly, like we were talking about, what humans are made for, these families really orient around real-life relationships and responsibilities, actually, teaching their kids how to take on tasks in the home to serve others in the family, and then responsibilities outside the home, like a first job or service opportunities in their neighborhood, their church, their community, so that they're really practicing what it looks like to love and serve others.
And so That is what makes up the feast. And that was the five kind of core practices I found in common from all the families I spoke with at what helped them be successful to sustain this lifestyle over the long term. There's a really cool story you share in the book of a family who gave one of their teenage sons a truck and basically said, If you show us you can manage this truck, then we can talk about, you know, what kind of phone you can have. And he, he like, it took off. You can just imagine like he started like a moving company with one of his brothers and got a job and was making money.
And it's just this cool old Ford, which almost seems metaphorical, right? Just getting him out into the actual world. And it's just a really cool story.
Some of these families have been, we're so creative.
So I can't recommend this book enough. I've already actually bought, gosh, I bought one for my best friend and then I bought two, one for the superintendent of my girls' Christian school and one for our principal as well, just because I think this is such a great conversation starter and it's very. Accessible. It's not just the academic research, which you do include some of that, which is helpful, but it's also, like you've been saying, this is a very practical guide for parents and families who want to do a tech exit. Claire, the last question I want to ask you is: what about people who maybe their kids are grown and out of the house?
Maybe they're grandparents, maybe they don't have children right now. What can others do to kind of help foster this culture of a tech exit? Yeah, no, it's a great question. I would say for any adult, you can adopt these practices for yourself. I've had several single friends at my church say, this book was so helpful for me.
I'm not even a parent, but just understanding the nature of this technology and its impact and these practices, like I want to do the tech exit in my own lifestyle. Like I don't want to be addicted to my smartphone. I want to get off social media.
So this is for adults too. I also think like those members of our communities can really be supports for parents. I think like it's a lot more possible to do the tech exit when you have others encouraging you and cheering you on. And so, you know, even singles in our church, they volunteer with the youth group and like they're very now aware of this and trying to create a culture at the youth group that is off phones and social media or in schools. Like if you're an educator, really helping to make the school an environment that is tech free and supports parents in making these decisions in their homes.
And then grandparents, I talk a lot with grandparents who are passionate about this. And I think, you know, sometimes it's easy as a grandparent to Want to give a treat to your grandchild and to like let them do a lot of iPad time, but instead try to do a real life activity with them, like help them bake cookies and get them outside, like make it still special, but don't, you know, the screen can just become an easy default. And so, I think grandparents can do a lot too to help their grandchildren experience a tech exit lifestyle. And so, I would just say this book is for everyone: if you're an adult, a grandparent, just a member of the community, being informed and just trying to help encourage the parents in your life towards this lifestyle and then helping partner with them if this is what they are adopting, just by being that community of support for them. And then, even offering to do fun, tech-free things with their kids.
Like, that's a huge support to parents. If you want to just say, Hey, like, let me take your kids on a fun outing. You know, we really love to just see that the power of the body of Christ through the local church, people of all ages and family situations partnering together to really help give our children a flourishing childhood.
So, yeah, I would just say, like, yeah. just be a support in your community. I love that. The less normal I think we can make just this constant smartphone use, and we all can play a part in that, right? The less normal we can make it, the better for us and for kids.
But I completely agree. Everybody's got a role to play here. Claire, thank you so much for being with us today. If parents or anybody want to learn more about the tech exit, where should they go? Yes, please go to thetechexit.com.
You can find all the places you can order the book there, but also I have two resources available. One is a discussion guide.
So if you want to read this book as a group with other parents in your school, your church, your community, start a book club around it. There are questions to accompany each chapter to provoke good conversations and hopefully help you find other parents to opt out with you. And so there's a discussion guide. There's also a practical tip sheet for parents with just screen-free activity ideas to do with your kids. I know every parent feels busy.
You don't have time to feel as creative as you want. And so there's just some. Inspiration, here are ideas of things you can do with your kids instead of screens.
So, those are all at thetechexit.com.
Well, thanks so much for joining us for this special episode of Breakpoint. I'm Maria Baer from the Colson Center for Christian Worldview. I've been talking with Claire Morell from the Ethics and Public Policy Center. We hope to see you all back here again soon. Have a great week.
