Four Words That Can Change Your Marriage

Hey everybody, Greg Laurie here. Let me ask you a question. Are you eager to make a difference in the spiritual lives of others? When you give to Harvest, you become a part of our mission to make God known through unique avenues like television, radio, and large-scale evangelistic events.

Support us today at harvest.org slash donate and help us to continue to spread the gospel around the world. We are going to begin today with a prayer. We are going to pray.

We pray as we look at Your Word now. We are going to discover the secrets. They really aren't secrets because they are plainly revealed in Scripture.

But they are secrets to many because they haven't tracked this book. The User's Manual of Life. Help us to see these principles, these truths, these secrets and apply them. And I pray that every marriage represented will be blessed as a result. And every future marriage represented will be blessed.

We commit this time of Bible study to You now in Jesus' name. Amen. Well the other night our smoke alarm went off at 4 o'clock in the morning. So I jumped out of bed, put on my Hello Kitty slippers, and ran to see what it was. First of all I didn't know what alarm it was because I have a smoke alarm and a fire alarm next to each other. So I am staring at them trying to figure out what the problem is. For starters there was no smoke.

There was no problem. It was a malfunction. My question is why is it that our alarms always malfunction in the middle of the night? Because they not malfunction in the middle of the day. No. They need to wake us up from a dead sleep. So this may be one of the reasons that we tend to tune out alarms when they go off. Right. Like if you are in a parking structure in a mall and you hear a car alarm go off do you think someone's car is being broken into?

Generally not. It is probably someone who has lost their car. They forgot what level they are parked on. And they set their alarm off to find it.

Am I the only person who does that? It is called Mulsheimer's disease where you lose your car in a mall. So we tend to ignore alarms. You remember in our last message on the topic of marriage I talked about the idiot light going off on your dashboard. Maybe alerting you to the fact that your oil is low. But here is one idiot light you do not want to ignore. This is the one that says low fuel. Don't ever get down in that red zone and stay there for too long. Well I think there are a lot of marriages right now that are running on empty.

In fact you might even say they are running on fumes. And it doesn't have to be that way because God has not only told us how to have a good marriage in His Word but He has given us the power to enact the principles He reveals in Scripture. And I want to talk about that a little bit today. Well let's just start with the basic no-brainer. God invented marriage. It is His idea and it is not for us to change it, to alter it, to add to it, to subtract from it. It is for us to do it the way that He has laid it out in Scripture. And of course in our culture today there is no question there is an attack on the family and on what we call traditional marriage, which is really biblical marriage. Marriage between a man and a woman. There are many people challenging the very institution of it. And then of course there are people that want alternate versions of it.

No. We need to get back to God's original plan and ask ourselves the question, am I being the best husband or the best wife I possibly could be? Because listen to this. Marriage is not so much about finding the right person as much as it is about being the right person. So that is what we want to focus our attention on. A strong and a happy marriage is a result of an obedience to God and His Word and a laying aside of this world's distorted take it or leave it concept of marriage.

Here is one of the problems. We are allowing secular culture to dictate how a marriage should function. And that is the wrong place to look.

The right place to look is in the pages of Scripture. Now when I do marital counseling, which isn't all that often anymore, it is because someone has used me as a last ditch effort. In other words they have said, our marriage is falling apart.

We are on the way to divorce court. But if Pastor Greg will see us we will agree to come in together. So if a couple comes into my office it is pretty much DOA. Ok. And now I am supposed to help these people. And it is hard. Let me tell you.

And I often will start with a question. Are you both Christians? Oh yes. We love the Lord so much. Ok. Great. Do you guys both believe that the Bible is the Word of God? Oh yes. We read the Bible every single day.

We love the Bible. All right. Now are you willing to do what the Bible says even if you find it difficult? Now they don't like that question. Because they recognize I am sort of setting a trap for them.

But I am really not. But what I am trying to find out is are you going to do what the Bible says? Because the Bible tells us how to do this right. Remember we already pointed out that when Jesus was set up by the Pharisees and they asked Him the question, is it right for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?

He didn't deal with that. He talked about the original concept and design of marriage saying that God brought the man and the woman together with His cause shall amend. Leave His father and mother and cleave into His wife and the two shall become one flesh.

So two operative words we discovered in our last message. Leave and cleave. First of all you leave all other relationships. Now you are still a son or a daughter to your parents. You are still a brother or a sister to your siblings. You are still a friend to others. But now a new family has begun. Even if it is just a husband and wife for starters. And now your primary allegiance and commitment must be to your spouse.

They should be your best friend. That is the leaving. Then there is the cleaving. Not just being stuck together but holding on to one another. Lay this foundation right and if you do your marriage will stand the test of time.

More than stand it. It will flourish. We recently redid the floor in our kitchen. It wasn't by design. It is because we flooded our old one. We have a leaky hose on our washing machine and we came back from dinner or something and there was water everywhere. So first they bring in those giant blowers you know to dry it out and to deal with any mold issues. And then they relayed the floor. What is ironic is about a number of years earlier, maybe five years earlier, we flooded the floor another time.

This was when we got back from an international trip and Kathy had some clothes in the sink and forgot to turn the water off and so it overflowed. And so we ended up remodeling our kitchen. So our basic approach to remodeling is flood remodel. Flood remodel.

I don't think the insurance companies are going to believe us if we go back with a third flood issue. But remodeling is a hassle. Because it takes a lot of time. It always takes longer than they say it will.

It always costs more than they say it would. And your house is a mess. Like if it is your kitchen you can't really cook with all that remodeling going on. And in the same way when you have a marriage that is not built on a proper foundation and you are having to remodel that is a lot of work. So if you are not married yet good news. Start it right. Do it God's way. If you are already married and you are having problems with your foundation if necessary break it apart and relay it again. But whatever the situation is God has the answers.

But here is what you don't want to do. You don't want to walk away from that marriage. If I hear another marriage breaking up for irreconcilable differences I am going to scream. I mean what are irreconcilable differences?

I have had irreconcilable differences with my wife for 39 years. She is neat. I am messy. She is kicked back and relaxed and I am more in a rush all the time. She likes British TV dramas. I like shoot them ups. She is cute. I am fat.

It is irreconcilable. Don't clap. Who clapped? What was that?

There was one random. Sadly it was my wife. It is like that old song says, you say potato I say potato. You say tomato I say potato potato tomato tomato. Let's call the whole thing off. At the end of the song it says, but if we call the whole thing off then we must part. And oh if we ever part that would break my heart. See there are differences and there will always be differences.

Think about this. What attracted you to your spouse to be in the first place? Probably the fact that they were different than you. Opposites really do attract. Maybe they are outgoing. You are more reserved. They were more of this.

Not like you are. More of that. And so that thing drew you together. And now that very thing that attracted you to one another has turned into a irreconcilable difference. Listen. We need to embrace the fact that we are different. Viva la difference. Embrace it.

Celebrate it. But if in your mind your mate is a source of all the conflict and you are the innocent person I already know part of the problem. Any clear thinking husband knows he can do a better job.

Any clear thinking wife knows that she can do a better job. So if you are having marital problems and you are placing the blame solely on your mate that itself is part of the problem. You are part of the problem too. You need to face that.

We each need to look at what God has said to us. Here is one of our problems collectively is we read each other's mail. I don't know about you but my wife has all my passwords. And so she reads my emails and everything else. I don't mind that at all.

But sometimes she will say, so what are you doing with this? How did you know about that? I was reading your emails. Oh right.

That is true. Ok. And I read hers as well. You find out a lot about each other when you do that. The problem is we read each other's mail in the Bible. In other words wives are telling husbands what the Bible says. You are supposed to love me as Christ loves the church. Well the Bible says you are supposed to submit to me.

Hey read your own mail and shut up. That is on your part. Do what God, I don't know who Cod is.

I think it is a fish. That was very random. Ok. Do what God has called you to do. I don't know what kind of shape your marriage is in right now.

Maybe it is strong and vibrant. And if so I pray that the things that I will share will strengthen your foundation. Strengthen your marriage. Maybe on the exterior you look good. But underneath the surface there is a lot of problems. Your communication is poor.

There are lots of arguments. I hope you can get a better biblical perspective. But some of you might have marriages that are hanging by a thread. Some of you may already be on your way to divorce court. And I pray that as you see what God has to say in His Word you would find hope. There is hope for a hurting marriage. Hope for even a failing marriage. Remember I have defined hope with the acronym H-O-P-E. Holding on with patient expectation. Those are the operative words.

Hold on. Remember we pointed out last time that those couples that were having marital problems if they held on ultimately overcame them and had happy marriages. Winston Churchill in the midst of World War II when London was being bombarded by the Nazis made this statement.

And I quote, "'Victory is not won by evacuation.' And the same is true of marriage." Now before we get to those four words that can change your marriage let's see some super important principles here in Ephesians 5 verse 17.

"'Therefore, don't be unwise. Understand what the will of the Lord is. Don't be drunk with wine in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father and the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God." Now usually when we talk about marriage we go straight to the roles of husbands and wives. Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church.

Wives submit to your husbands as unto the Lord. But that is not what the Bible does. Understand when the Scripture was originally given there were not chapters and verses. Paul did not say, Chapter 8 verse 1, "'There is therefore now no condemnation.'"

No. He didn't use chapters and verses. He wrote it like you would write a letter. Later those chapters and verses were added. And they are helpful and we find our way around Scripture because of them.

But sometimes there are breaks where there is not a break in thought. And this is one of those cases as we read Ephesians 5. Before we get to the role of husbands or wives both spouses are told that they need the power of the Spirit.

So that brings me to my first point. To have a successful marriage you must be filled with the Holy Spirit. To have a successful marriage you must be filled with the Holy Spirit. Verse 18.

Be filled with the Spirit. The verb in the Greek is in the imperative mode. Meaning it is not a suggestion. It is a command. To fill.

To do so cuts off your power supply. And render you unable to be the husband or wife God has called you to be. Years ago we were doing a, excuse me, sorry again. We were doing a cleanup day at the church. And I have to tell you that I am not a handyman. I mean if you have anything broken in your home I am the last guy you want to call. Because when I am done it will be worse than it was. And I have tried to be a handyman. I will go down to the hardware store and try to find the right tools. But I make a mess of everything. My wife sees me walk into the house holding a hammer.

She is alarmed. Where are you going with that? What are you going to repair? Let's call somebody to come help us. And so we were having this work day at the church and everybody is helping out. Cleaning. Picking up trash.

Painting. Trimming the hedges. And so I saw here was a hedge that needed trimming and someone brought one of those hedge trimmers. I thought, oh that looks fun. You know so I picked it up and I turned it on.

And trimming the hedge. I like this. And I wasn't paying attention. And I went right through the door. So I looked this way and I looked that way and I just set it down and walked off. I didn't think anyone saw me.

And later on Dennis Davenport, who was helping out that day and I was a pastor up in the high desert, said, I was up on the roof doing some work and I saw you do that. But it is kind of hard to keep the tool working when you have cut the cord. Right. Brilliant thought that. And it is kind of hard to keep a marriage flourishing when you have cut off your power supply.

What is the power supply? It is the filling of the Holy Spirit. We have the power to live a selfless life and put our mates' needs first.

So we often go right into the roles of husbands and wives. But Paul says, first be filled with the Spirit. Here is something else. Verse 21.

Submitting one to another in the fear of God. Now in English this is usually rendered as a separate sentence. But that hides from the readers a very important point that Paul is making. In the Greek verse 21 is the last clause in the previous sentence in which Paul describes several marks of a person who is filled with the Spirit, be filled with the Holy Spirit, speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always to God for all things submitting one to another in the fear of God. You see it is all one continuous flow of thought. So if I am a Spirit filled person I will be a submitting person. I am not talking to women right now specifically.

I am talking to men too. Before anything is said to husbands and wives both spouses are told submitting yourselves one to another in the fear or reverence of God. The Spirit filled husband will put the needs of his wife above his own. The Spirit filled wife will put the needs of her husband above her own.

In other words everything that is given to us here is a result of being filled with the Spirit. But what does it mean to submit? Because we don't like that word submit. We think of all servitude, slavery, being taken advantage of. But in reality we all submit all day long to authority. Oh I don't really.

Ok. Let's test the theory. You get in your car and you drive on the wrong side of the street and you see how that works out for you. Before long one of those authority figures is going to stop you. Called a police officer. And you may be arrested. You probably should be. Because you are under his authority or under her authority.

That is the way structure works. When I was in Washington D.C. for the National Day of Prayer and this whole controversy so called erupted over definition of marriage. And because I believe in what the Bible says about marriage I was attacked by activist gay groups as you know. And they were trying to stop me from praying in the Pentagon.

And so they put a petition together and this was going on and this was before I was speaking. And the chaplain from the Pentagon called me and said, "'Now Greg you are not going to say or do anything to inflame this even more are you?'" I said, "'No.

I have come to speak on prayer and to pray for the nation.'" And then the chaplain said, "'Greg how much do you know about the military?'" I said, "'Well I know some. But tell me.'" He said, "'Well we all have a chain of command.

See and we are all under someone that goes right up to the Oval Office. And if we are told we have to do something or we can't do something that is an order and we have to obey those orders. You understand that?'" Yes I do chaplain. And he was trying to say that he might get overruled. But thankfully I was able to go in there and give that message and pray that prayer.

But we are all under a chain of command. Put the needs of your mate above your own. It also means to get underneath and hold someone up. So if you are walking along with your wife and she is wearing her high heels say and she trips and falls you just say, "'Why did you even wear those? I told you to wear practical shoes.'"

No. I hope you grab her. Steady her.

You do the same for him. Wives. A husband's submission to his wife doesn't mean he abdicates his responsibility of leadership in the home. It means that he helps her bear her burdens. The wife puts the needs of her husband above her own.

That is submitting one to another in the fear of God. Now let's find those four words. Four words that can transform our marriage. Before I identify them for you I wonder what you have come up with on your own. I can't ask you to yell them out.

We will have mass chaos here. But I actually on my Facebook page put a post in saying I am going to speak on the topic four words that can change your marriage. Do you know what they are? People came up with some pretty good responses.

Here are some of their responses. Matt says four words that can change your marriage. You are right my dear. Jason says the four words are will you forgive me.

Teresa says the four words are I love you too. Jack says yes you look great. I like that. How do I look? You look great.

Yes you look great. Rick similar. Whatever you want dear. Cheryl says the four words that can change your marriage. Turn off the TV. Pretty good. Maria.

How can I help? Kelly writes the four words are honey I messed up. Jamie Owens Collins I want to comment on. Her four words were happy wife happy life. I like that. Finally Karen's four words were God please help me. That is pretty close.

Pretty close. Ok. Here they are.

Ephesians 5.25. Let's read them together. Let's read them out loud in fact. Husbands love your wives.

I will tell you what. I don't want the wife to read it. I want just the husbands to read it out loud. Verse 25.

Ready. Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her that He might sanctify and cleanse her with a washing of water by the Word and He might present her to Himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkled or any such thing that she should be holy and without blemish. So ought husbands to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. No one ever yet hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church for we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two will become one flesh. This is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Girls. You are off the hook today. I am coming after you later. Guys. This was a bad day to come to church. No.

Actually it was a really good day to come. But I am going to direct my primary comments to men today. Four times in eight verses men are told to simply love their wives. And how are we to do that? As Christ loves the church. Now you might say, well Greg that is a tall order.

Yes it is. The fact is many if not most marriages are in trouble because men are unwilling to obey God's commands to them. Heard a story about a husband and wife that went to see a pastor for counseling. And the pastor listened to all their conflicts and problems and so-called irreconcilable differences and said, I don't really see any scriptural grounds whatsoever for you guys to get a divorce. In fact he turns to the husband and says, the Bible tells you sir that you should love your wife as Christ loves the church.

The husband said, well I can't do that. The pastor said, all right let's begin at a lower level. The Bible also says love your neighbor as you love yourself. Can you love your wife as much as you love your neighbor?

Husband says, no that is still too high of a level. The pastor finally says, well the Bible says love your enemies. Begin there. It is not really a joke. It is a point.

Guys there is no getting off the hook here. You need to love your wife. Now of course the word that Paul uses is the word agape. It is a Greek word. He uses it more than any other in the New Testament to describe love. We are told in Scripture God is love. It is that word agape. Jesus said, John 3 is 16, for God so loved the world He gave His only begotten Son. Again it is the word agape. It is defined in Galatians 5, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, etc.

That is all a definition of the word agape. This means that the Christian man has access to this supernatural love the nonbeliever does not have access to. Therefore for a Christian couple to separate or divorce due to irreconcilable differences is not acceptable. Are we no different than non-Christians? Is Christ not living and the Christian husband and the Christian wife? Can God not intervene and help you?

Yes He can. Now I have heard it said that Christians divorce at the same rate as non-Christians do. You ever heard that before? That is actually incorrect. That is based on a false interpretation of data. Because you need to know that most Americans say they believe in God and a very high percentage of Americans claim to be Christians. And so when we talk about Christians and non-Christians we have to really zero in on what we mean. Studies have been done on people who attend church, read their Bibles together, pray together.

In other words they are committed real Christians. Their divorce rate is dramatically lower than the standard in the culture. But among those who do not go to church, do not read the Bible, do not pray, yet profess to be Christians, yes their divorce rate is equal to the culture. So it is not just about your profession. It is about your commitment to Christ. And if you really are seeking to live by God's Word yes your divorce rate is lower because you are seeking to do it God's way. Agape love.

What is it? Dr. Ed Wheat in his excellent book, Love Life for Every Married Couple, writes us about agape love. And I quote, "'Even in the best of marriages unlovable traits show up in both partners, and in every marriage, sooner or later, a need arises that can be met only by unconditional love. Agape is the kind of love we need in those situations. This love has the capacity to persist in the face of rejection and continue where there is no human response at all. It can leap over walls that would stop any human love cold. It is never deflected by unlovable behavior and gives gladly to the undeserving without totaling the cost. To the relationship of husband and wife which would otherwise lie at the mercy of fluctuating emotions and human upheavals, agape imparts stability and a permanence that is rooted in the eternal,' he concludes, "'agape is a divine solution for marriages populated by imperfect human beings.'" End quote. That is us. Imperfect human beings that need God so.

The problem is we don't look to the Scripture for our kids. We look to movies or even to songs. One of my favorite songs out there about love is Amore. That is Amore. Italian for that is love.

You know the words. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie. That is Amore.

When the world seems to shine like you have had too much wine. That is Amore. Bells will ring. Ting-a-ling-a-ling. Ting-a-ling-a-ling. And you will sing vita bella.

Hearts will play tippy tippy tay tippy tippy tay. Like a gay tantarella. I am not sure what that is. When the stars make you drool like a pasta fazool. That is Amore.

When you danced on the street with a cloud at your feet you are in love. Ok. Wait a second. That is not love. That is mental illness.

What? The moon hits you like a big pizza. The world shines like you are drunk and your heart plays tippy tippy tay. Then you drool and dance down the street.

You are crazy man. Forget Amore. Let's talk about agape. That is the kind of love we need for a marriage that lasts. Now let's go to 1 Corinthians 13. And we have a definition not so much of what love is as much as the definition of what love does. 1 Corinthians 13. The famous love chapter. Paul shows us how this agape love works in real life.

We will start in verse 4. Love suffers long in its kind. Love does not envy. Love does not parade itself. It is not puffed up. It does not behave rudely. It does not seek its own.

It is not provoked. It thinks no evil. It does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Here is a more modern translation.

Just listen to this. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut. Love doesn't have a swelled head. It doesn't force itself on others.

It isn't always saying me first. Love doesn't fly off the handle. Love doesn't keep score of the sins of others. Love doesn't revel when others grovel. Love puts up with anything. Love trusts God always. It always looks for the best. It never looks back. Love keeps going to the end. I like that. You want to feel uncomfortable.

Take out the word love and insert your name in its place. Greg cares more for Kathy than he does for himself. Greg doesn't want what he doesn't have. Greg puts up with anything. Trust God always.

No. That doesn't fit very well. There is only one name that fits perfectly. And it is Jesus Christ. This is really a portrait of Jesus. Look at what love does. Not just what love is. What love does. Love practices patience. It doesn't just have kind feelings. It does kind things. It is not a benign attitude.

It is action. Love means unconditionally loving the unlovable, the undeserving, and the unresponsive. Love is only love when it acts. 1 John 3.18, "'Let us love not in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.' This is how a husband is supposed to love his wife."

So don't tell me you have tried everything. People will say, our marriage has fallen apart. We are seeking counseling.

Here is my first question. Is it biblical counseling? Getting counseling is meaningless if it is not biblical. Sometimes there is counseling that is anti-biblical.

Maybe you are going to a psychologist, a psychiatrist, and they put you in anti-depressants. Listen. I have a way for you to save your money and stay off drugs. Try loving one another as God tells you to.

Say, oh Greg stop. You know you are so simplistic. You are naive. No.

Actually why don't you give it a try? Have you done it God's way? Are you living this way? See it is no good looking for the truth if you look in the wrong place. Heard about a drunk guy that was searching for his wallet under a street light. Someone asked him, what did you lose? I lost my wallet. Did you lose it around here? No. I lost it down the street. Why are you searching here if you lost your wallet down the street? There is no light there. Wait.

No. It doesn't help to search for something if you look in the wrong place. What is the right place? The Bible. Do it the way the Bible tells you to do it.

So do we learn from these passages we have read. Number one. If you really love your wife be patient with her. Love is long tempered.

A word to use singles. I don't want to leave you out. Love is patient. The Bible tells us a beautiful story about love.

It was about a man that was in love with a woman. His name was Jacob and her name was Rachel. And he wanted to marry her. But her dad Laban was quite the conniver and said, I will tell you what son. You want to marry this girl?

Yes I do. You worked for me for seven years. And when those seven years are up I will give her to you.

Ok. So Jacob worked for seven years for Laban. The seven years are up. The wedding night comes. He wakes up in the morning not with Rachel but with their less attractive sister Leah.

He goes back to Father Laban and says, wait I worked all those years for Rachel and you gave me Leah. Oh sorry about that. Oh we all make mistakes.

So listen. Work for seven more years and you can have Rachel. And the Bible says he did this and it seemed as but a few days for the love that he had for her. If you are really in love with someone and it is genuine it will stand the test of time. So don't rush it. Don't rush it. Take your time. Many waters cannot quench love.

Neither can floods drown it. But love is patient. Number two. If you really love your wife you will show kindness and tenderness to her. Verse 4. Love is kind. Just as patience will take anything from others kindness will give anything to others.

If you love your wife as you ought to she will respond. Why are we Christians? Why do you follow Jesus? The Bible says you love Him because He first loved you.

Your love for God is a response to His love for you. The same is true in marriage. If husbands would just do their part it would transform marriages across our country. If husbands would just say, I am going to focus on these four words today. Husbands love your wife.

That is what I am going to do. It would change everything because she would respond accordingly. Now there are exceptions. There are exceptions. Because to the point not everyone is a Christian. And some people resist the love of God. And so just because you love your wife as Christ loves the church it doesn't guarantee she will always respond. But I am telling you in most cases she will. Here is something to think about. If you treat your wife like a thorough bed, thorough bread, you will never end up with a nag.

Here it is on the screen. You treat your wife like a thorough bread she will never end up. You will never end up with a nag. I can't even say this. It is so profound. But this is a practical love. He shows His kindness in practical ways.

I mean think about this. When you first were courting your wife-to-be what did you do? Well you actually took a shower. You gave some thought about the way you looked. You showed good manners.

You didn't chew with your mouth open. You told her how attractive she looked. Then you married her. Well that has changed hasn't it?

Maybe you need to go back to do some of those first things. Again Proverbs 31 says, "'Her children call her blessed and her husband praises her.'" When is the last time you praised your wife? And by that I mean complimented her in front of others. Compliment your wife in front of friends. In front of your kids. In front of even strangers bragging on your wife.

A lot of times we will criticize her. Don't ever do that publicly. You have something to say to her or to him for that matter.

Do it later. But not in front of other people. But you know here is the thing. And let me say something to defend guys for a moment. Because it is sometimes said, you know women are much more emotional than men.

I don't think that is true. I just think we express our emotions differently. It is easier in most cases for a woman to express the way she is feeling than it is for a man.

But men are feeling those things. I think deep down inside that man that husband loves his wife with all of his heart he thinks these things. He just doesn't always verbalize these things. He looks and thinks, well she looks beautiful but for some inexplicable reason. He doesn't say it. He just thinks it. So either you have to become a mind reader girls or help your husband to say what he is really thinking. As the great theologian Bruno Mars pointed out in his song, "'When I was your man, too young, too dumb to realize, I should have brought you flowers and held your hand. Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance. Now my baby is dancing with another man.'" Pretty good Bruno.

Some Christian husbands could learn from what he wrote. You show her kindness. You show her love. So I am going to help you guys right now. Are you ready for an awkward moment? Husbands where are you? Raise your hand. I need to know where you are.

Ok guys. Wives where are you? Raise your hand. Oh I hope you are next to your husband.

Hope you are not in two sections of the church. All right husbands. Turn to your wife. Turn to her. And I am going to ask you to repeat something after me. Out loud. I want to hear you do it.

Turn to your wife husbands. Ready. Say this after me.

I hate it when Greg makes me do stuff like this. Ok. No. No. Don't say that. Ok. Sorry.

This is real now. Turn to your wife. Say this after me.

Greg is a really good preacher. Don't say that. Don't. Ok.

This is it. Turn to your wife. Say these words. I love you. Come on. Better this time. Say it again. Go. Oh that is sweet.

You know hugging a kiss can go a long way. We are not going to do that here. But you know some German researchers got together and did an in-depth study on why people live long lives. Here is what they discovered. I am not making this up. They discovered that people that live longer lives kissed their wife before they went to work every day. They said, the good morning kissers miss less work because of sickness and earn 20 to 30 percent more money than non-kissers.

Give it a try. After church. Number three. If you love your wife you will not boast of it to her but just do it. If you love your wife you won't boast of it to her.

You will just do it. Verse 4. Love does not parade itself. This means to strut.

It is the idea of reminding your spouse of all that you do for them. Do you realize how hard I work to give you this standard of living? Do you know what I do? Do you understand the sacrifices that I have made? You say, but Greg I have.

I know. But love doesn't brag about it. Number four. If you love your wife you will show kindness and tenderness to her. Kindness and tenderness to her.

Verse 5. Love does not behave rudely. Some husbands would show more kindness to a complete stranger than they would show to their own wife who is bone up their bones and flesh up their flesh.

I mean there would be a woman walking toward a door with packages and the guy would run and open the door for her. Which is good. That is a good thing to do. Then his own wife comes and he goes, Hey kick it with your foot. Take the kid. Sling the kid to the side. Hold the package.

Why is that? Number five. If you love your wife you will not be harsh with her. Verse 5. Love is not provoked easily.

This means to be aroused to anger or sudden outburst. If you are screaming and yelling at your spouse you have crossed the line. Don't ever go to bed angry at each other.

Ephesians 4.26 says, Don't let the sun go down in your wrath. I heard about a husband and wife that decided to put that into practice. They would never go to sleep bad at each other. They have been married for 30 years. Someone asked the husband, How did that work out?

He said, Pretty well but it was hard sometimes sitting up all night. Number six. If you really love your wife you will believe the best not the worst about her. You will believe the best not the worst about her. Verse 5. Love thinks no evil or takes into account.

This is a bookkeeping term that means to calculate and enter into a ledger a permanent record that can be consulted when needed. Get it? So that means you are having an argument and you actually say, Well I remember when you said 20 years ago. What? Yeah.

I have it right here. Why do you have it right there? Why do you still remember? Well I remember. Love doesn't do that. Love forgives and love forgets. Finally love endures all things. It endures all things. It refuses to surrender. It will not stop believing.

It keeps hoping. Love will simply not stop loving. You know some friction comes in a marriage and one says, I am leaving you. I am going back to my mother. I am going to get a hotel room.

And the sad thing is she is 70. No. I am going to get a hotel room. I am separating.

Don't do that unless it is absolutely necessary. But I wish we could take this word divorce and strike it from our vocabularies and not even put it on the table and seek to resolve these conflicts that we have. Now you might say, Well Greg you know this isn't easy. I know that. I can't do this on my own strength.

Well I know that too. But God has given you the power to do this. So I am going to just wait until I feel that power. You don't have to wait until you feel it.

The power is already there. Romans 5.5 says, The love of God is should have brought in your heart by the Holy Spirit. Don't wait until you feel love. Just start loving. Don't wait until you feel kindness. Just start doing kind things. Just start doing it.

And then in time you will feel it. That is a whole emphasis of 1 Corinthians 13. Four words that can change your marriage. Husbands, love your wives. Let me close with two more words. Sort of bonus. Two more words that can really help your marriage.

You ready? I am sorry. I am sorry.

Why do you find that funny? Seriously though I am sorry. You say that to your spouse.

You know you have crossed the line. You know you said something you should not have said or you didn't say something you should have said or you fell short in some way to say, You know what I am really sorry. I apologize.

I was wrong. And I will tell you what. If you do that it can change your marriage. As Ruth Graham said, a successful marriage is made up of two good forgivers. You need to learn to forgive and you need to learn to forget. So men it is time to man up.

Same person laughing. I am not going to talk about that anyway. All kinds of thoughts are going through my mind.

Ok. It is time to man up and be the man that God has called you to be. To love your wife as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? He gave Himself for us.

Jesus Christ the Son of God left the glory of heaven and came to this earth and voluntarily went to a cross and died for the sin of all of humanity and rose again from the dead. See there is no way that we can do this without God's help. It is interesting to me how God says, You want to know how much I love my church? Then look at the way that that Christian husband loves his wife. Of all the analogies, of all of the pictures God could have chosen, He chooses the marriage. He says to a lost world, Look at the Christian marriage. Look at the way that man loves his wife. That is how much I love my people. Look at the way that wife loves her husband and respects him. That is the way my church loves me.

Man I will tell you what if there is anywhere you need to live the gospel it is in the marriage. There are so many challenges. All of our foibles and our flaws are exposed. We need to bend. We need to flex. We need to forgive.

We need to do it over and over again. It changes us. God uses it to make us more like Jesus. But let me close by saying if you are married or single whatever your status God loved you so much He sent His Son to die for you. And if you have not believed in Jesus yet I hope you will do it right now because He stands at the door of your life and He knocks and says, If we will hear His voice and open the door He will come in. And maybe you need His forgiveness today. Maybe you have done something you know is wrong.

You have fallen short of His standards. Every one of us have sinned. That is what the Bible teaches. But if we will turn from that sin and put our faith in Jesus Christ He will forgive us.

And if you have never asked Him into your life why don't you do it right now and experience His forgiveness so you can have a fresh start in life. Let's all bow our heads and pray. Everybody praying please. Father thank You for Your Word to us. Thank You for the offer of forgiveness through Jesus Christ.

Now while our heads are bowed and our eyes are closed maybe you who have joined us today would say, You know I don't really know if Jesus Christ is living inside of me. I don't know that I have His forgiveness. I don't know with certainty that I will go to heaven when I die.

But I want to know that. I want Jesus to come into my life. I want to get right with God right now.

If that is your desire. If you want Christ to come into your life. If you want Him to forgive you of your sin.

If you want to go to heaven when you die. Or if you have fallen away from the Lord and you want to come back to Him right now wherever you are sitting would you lift your hand and let me pray for you today. You want Christ to come into your life. Let me pray for you.

Raise your hand up. I will pray for you. God bless you. God bless you. God bless each one of you.

Anybody else? Raise your hand if you would. God bless you. This is to anybody. Married. Single. Young.

Old. You need Jesus. And He will forgive you. But you must ask for His forgiveness.

Anybody else? If you have not raised your hand yet raise it now. God bless you. You that have raised your hand if you would please pray this prayer out loud after me right where you are. Again as I pray pray this after me right where you are. Lord Jesus I know I am a sinner but You died on that cross for my sin and rose again from the dead. Now come into my life and be my Savior and Lord and my God and my friend. I choose to follow You Jesus from this moment forward. Thank You for calling and accepting me and forgiving me. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. God bless you.