How to Resolve Conflict | Grace and Humility: Navigating Relationships

Hey, everybody, you're listening to A New Beginning, which is a podcast made possible by Harvest Partners. If this program has impacted you, I'd love to hear from you. So just send an email to me at gregatharvest.org. Again, it's gregatharvest.org.

You can learn more about becoming a Harvest Partner by going to harvest.org. Mr. Greg Laurie says we each have an important choice to make. Some people bring joy wherever they go. Some people bring joy whenever they go. Which person are you? Are you the person that lights up the room or turns off the lights? Are you the person that brings everything down?

Or are you the person that builds others up? Amazing grace how sweet the sound. Again, you hear all the angels are singing. This is the day, the day where life begins. In picture, those moments can either undergird our efforts to share Christ or undermine them. Today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie helps us deal with everyone in a spirit of grace and humility.

We're in Acts chapter 15. Here's a smallish man sitting on a stool having a meal. And they looked at this guy, started laughing, hassling him. One of them took his meal away from him.

Another pushed him off his stool. And the man just went over and peed for his bill, quietly walked out, got into his semi. He's a trucker, okay. And one of the bikers says to the waitress, he's not much of a man, is he? She said, well, I guess not.

She's looking out the window and watching the trucker drive away. She says, I guess he's not much of a trucker either because he just ran over three Harleys. Maybe that's not the best way to resolve conflict. But we all deal with conflict each and every day, right?

There's just no way around it. I don't know how you were raised, but in my home, as you know, there was a lot of domestic violence. My mom would get drunk and get in fights with her husbands and her boyfriend. And I don't just mean yelling.

I mean throwing things, hitting. I would sometimes get up in the morning, things were smashed all over the floor, dents on the wall. It was a horrible environment to be brought up in. And I think at a very early age, as a little boy, I sort of developed a desire to be a peacemaker. I wanted to resolve conflict.

I didn't want to see people fighting and have conflict. What I came into was my own little world of art and cartoons where I could kind of have another place to live instead of the crazy world I was living in. And I developed this rather warped sense of humor.

My observations, because you think, well, Greg, sometimes you're very sarcastic and your humor's a little odd. You don't know what I hold back. You don't know what comes into my mind.

I have five things that go, veto, veto, veto, veto. I'll let that one through. That's how it works, okay? And even that is a defense mechanism that I developed. But I bring all of this up because I became a Christian. And I thought, okay, now, no more conflict. No more disagreements.

We're all gonna just get together and sing Kumbaya in perpetuity. Well, I came to discover that is not the case, because conflicts and arguments will happen, even among Christians. Unnecessarily. Conflict follows them wherever they go. It's always some kind of drama, right? You invite them over, there's gonna be something that happens.

And sometimes you don't want to invite those people over, because in a way, they're kind of like troublemakers. I make up imaginary characters. Bobby Buzz killed Debbie Downer. I'm gonna add a new one to that. Bobby Buzz killed Debbie Downer and Tina Troll. And sorry to make her female, but this is the person that always counterpoints everything, even when you don't need to.

And I find most of the trolls, though they're on Instagram and Facebook, many of these trolls are on Twitter, right? So you'll post a picture with some friends. Had a great meal tonight. And the troll will come back and say, it must be nice to eat when people around the world are starving. I'm sorry about that, but it was a nice meal. Or, oh, here's a picture with my family.

And then the troll comes back and says, not everyone has a family. Try to be more sensitive. Do better.

Oh, brother, really? And then you do another post. Oh, you know, beautiful photo of a sunset.

Check it out. And they come now with Bible verses. You know, out of context.

You post a picture. Hey, had a great laugh with some people. Oh, you know, let your laughter be turned to sorrow and your joy into morning. Well, these are verses in the Bible, but people are misusing them. And there are some people that use the Bible to beat people down rather than build them up. And there are people out there that will mistreat you. They'll slander you. They'll hurt you.

So what do we do with these people? Well, one thing you can do on social media is block them. And I love to block people.

I love it. Now, if you say something I don't agree with, I might delete your comment. But if you attack, I'll block you. And I wish I could do it in real life.

Of course, you can't do that. So we're going to have to learn how to resolve conflict. Let me add these words. Amen. Aren't you glad the Bible says as much as it's possible? Because with some people, you can't live at peace with them.

But at least you want to make the effort. So let's explore that together. Because that's the subject before us.

And that's 15, conflict. The book of Acts, as I told you at the outset, is a very honest look at church history. If one of the people in the story does something wonderful, it's recorded.

That, too, is recorded. We see the heroes of the Bible in Acts and all the books of Scripture, warts and all. The great British legend Oliver Cromwell wanted to have his portrait painted. And this particular painter was known for removing any blemishes and making the painting look better than the person looked in real life. So Cromwell instructed the painter, go ahead and paint me warts and all.

And the painter did. Warts and all. We see them as they really are. So what is the backdrop of this story?

We have some troublemakers that have entered this scene. They're believers in Jesus. They're Jewish. And they have a Jewish background. And they felt that one had to be circumcised before they could become a Christian. This is basically a rite of the Jewish religion.

It was never required of anyone but a Jew. So number one, this hurts. If you don't know what I'm talking about, talk to your parents or someone else.

We'll explain it. Circumcision hurts. Number two, they were placing an unnecessary barrier on these new believers. So Paul and Barnabas are now a missionary team and they're not happy about it. Remember I told you Barnabas, his name means encouragement or the son of encouragement. Was it his given name? It was effectively his nickname. He was literally Mr. Encouragement.

So if Mr. Encouragement wasn't encouraged, something was wrong. There was a saying in that day that went along the lines of if Barney isn't happy, ain't nobody happy. Now that wasn't really a saying.

But there was a saying if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, right? Barnabas was not pleased with this. Paul was not pleased with this. And they thought we need to go back to the leaders in Jerusalem.

And get this resolved. So now they're gonna make the journey back to Jerusalem because these Judaizers, these legalists were saying James authorized what we're saying. And as it turns out, James did not authorize it at all. So they were not being truthful.

So they wanted to go and get it from the horse's mouth so to speak. Now James is the brother of Jesus. We could say half brother because obviously Jesus was supernaturally conceived.

In the womb of Mary. But James was a son of Mary and Joseph. He grew up with Jesus. And by the way, if you grew up with Jesus, that'd be hard not to drop that into every conversation. You know I remember when Jesus and I were just boys. This happened. Or I remember Mary, our mother, made us dinner the other day.

And what a meal it was. But he didn't do that. He didn't play the I'm the brother of Jesus card. But he was a man known for his great wisdom.

And he pretty much was the leader of the church at this point along with Peter. And so they need to go and speak with James now and get his input because of these legalists. And you know there are people like this that we know. And you can probably think of them. And I don't know if the people who are these people know they're these people.

But let me just give you a clue. If no one ever wants to hang around you, you might be one of these people. Some people bring joy wherever they go.

Some people bring joy whenever they go. Which person are you? Are you the person that lights up the room or turns off the lights? Are you the person that brings everything down?

Or are you the person that builds others up? Pastor Greg Laurie will have the second half of his message in just a moment. Hey everyone. I want you to know about our app called Harvest Plus. Think of it as a Harvest version of Netflix.

We have all of our resources in one place. We have our movies like Steve McQueen, The Salvation of an American Icon, Johnny Cash, The Redemption of an American Icon, A Rush of Hope, and much more. Then we have our television program, daily devotions, and much more.

So go and download the Harvest Plus app. From our study of Paul and Barnabas in Acts 15, Pastor Greg is pointing out how to show grace and mercy in dealing with others, especially in moments of conflict. So they go back to Jerusalem and this is what happened as they meet with the apostles starting in verse 4 Acts chapter 15.

Let's read it together. I'm reading from the New Living Translation. When they arrived in Jerusalem, Barnabas and Paul were welcomed by the whole church, including the apostles and elders, and they repeated everything that God had done through them. But then some of the believers who belonged to the sect of the Pharisees stood up and insisted that Gentile converts must be circumcised and required to follow the law of Moses. So the apostles and elders met together to resolve this issue. The apostles gave a ruling.

So basically they said, okay, we're not going to require circumcision. And all the Gentiles collectively said, phew. But now they go on to give a ruling of verse 19. So my judgment is, and this is James speaking, my judgment is we should not make it difficult for Gentiles who are turning to God. Instead we should write and tell them to abstain from eating food offered to idols and sexual immorality and from eating the meat of strangled animals and from consuming blood.

We'll stop there. So one of these conclusions dealt with morality. The other two dealt with sensitivity. Let's start with the no-brainer. The one that dealt with morality. Tell these Gentile believers who have come to Christ the following. They should not commit fornication. That's what the King James Bible says in the New Living Translation. They should not engage in sexual immorality. This comes from a single root word, porneia. We translate this word today to pornographic, pornography, etc. And it is a word that speaks of all sexual activity outside of God's proper order. And what is that? The only place where sexual activity can take place legitimately in the eyes of God is between a man and a woman in a marriage relationship. Period.

Right? That's it. There are no exceptions. Extramarital sex is forbidden in Scripture. Premarital sex is forbidden in Scripture. People say, I want to know the will of God. God says very clearly in 1 Thessalonians 4-3, here is God's will. Be holy and stay away from all sexual sin. So I don't know what's happening in your life and if you've wondered about this, but this is clearly taught in Scripture.

But now we come to an issue of sensitivity. Where they say, tell them to not eat food that was offered to idols. Now, this is hard for us to understand today, so let me give you a little history. Back in this day there were pagan temples everywhere. Temples built for all these gods that the people worshipped.

These are the Gentiles. And they would offer meat or animal sacrifices to these idols. So you could get a killer deal on this meat.

You could go in and buy it at a greatly reduced price. It was a lot cheaper than the kosher meat down at the market sold by the Jewish merchants. And so the Gentiles are like, hey, we know these idols are false. We don't believe in these idols.

Why pay retail when you can get it wholesale? Let's go and buy this meat. But this offended the Jewish believers because it was offered to idols. And so here's what Paul is saying. Look, even if this doesn't mean a lot to you, it means something to your Jewish brothers and sisters. So for their sake, don't eat it and stumble them spiritually. So take away truth for us. We should not put up a wall where God has opened a door. We should be a bridge, not a barrier to people coming to Christ.

We should be a stepping stone, not a stumbling block. It should never be difficult for someone to come to church, say for the first time. And clearly they may not be a believer.

And that's obvious for a number of reasons. But whatever it is they come in, they should always feel welcomed into the church. You know, a couple may come in and they're living together and they come to church. Or someone may come in and they're gay. Or someone may come in under the, they're a drug addict or whatever it is. Or they dress in a way that makes some people uncomfortable and you'll say, well, why are they in church?

They're sitting next to me in church. I don't think this is a good thing. That would be like going to a hospital and saying, why are there so many sick people here? Because it's a hospital. And they're there to get better.

And I'm glad they're in the hospital. And I'm glad non-believers come into our church because we want them to come. As I've said before, the church is not a museum for saints. It's a hospital for sinners.

Now having said that, I would also add this. They don't need to clean up their life and come to Christ. They need to come to Christ and He will clean their life up. Jesus said, he that would come to me, I would in no way cast them out. Jesus cleans His fish after He catches them. But having said that, now once they've come, once they've heard the gospel, and if they've made a profession of faith, the person who is gay needs to repent and no longer live that way.

The couple that are living together need to move out and consider if they should get married at all, but not continue living in that way. The person who is addicted to drugs or alcohol should be and can be delivered by Jesus Christ. Okay, so the change has to happen.

But I think sometimes we get the cart before the horse. Well, let's get them all cleaned up first and then they can come to church. No, let's get them to church. Let them hear the word of God, but it all starts here.

Let them come into a relationship with Jesus. You know, before I was a Christian, I used drugs. I told you that.

That shouldn't come as a revelation to you. And I didn't know what was wrong. I just did what everyone I knew was doing at that time. And after I believed in Jesus, He spoke to my heart and made it clear to me that was not the lifestyle I was to live anymore. But what drew me in was not somebody berating me and telling me how wrong I was and my lifestyle was. It was Jesus. I was drawn to Jesus Christ who loved me and accepted me and forgave me.

And I thought, I want to follow Him. Now my obedience comes as a result of that love, right? We love Him because He first loved us, the Bible says. Jesus says, if you love me, you'll keep my commandments. So let's not get this in reverse and miss what this Bible that we're holding is saying to us.

We should not do anything that would keep people from hearing the Gospel. So let's bring this to the present day. Let's say that I'm a meat eater and you're a vegetarian. And by the way, I am a meat eater. I'm happy to be a meat eater. My wife took me out to a vegetarian restaurant the other day and didn't tell me until after the meal was done, I was in a vegetarian restaurant.

Because she knew I wouldn't go with her because she told me ahead of time. So I had the meal, it was very good. She said, how did you like it?

She says, great. She said, there was no meat in it. No, there was. No, it's a vegetarian restaurant.

You know, I didn't really like it that much. That's a true story. So let's say you and I go out to a meal. You're a vegetarian or a vegan. And there's differences.

I had to actually look this up. Now, a vegan is on a different diet that excludes all meat and animal products, including meat, poultry, fish, seafood, dairy, and eggs. That's a pretty limited diet. Then there's a vegetarian. They can eat eggs and cheese, but not meat, poultry, and seafood. Then there's a pescatarian.

You know what that is? A pescatarian is someone who eats fish but no other meat products. Then there's a Presbyterian pescatarian. And they can only eat fish in church.

I don't know if you've done that. I made that part up. The pescatarian part is true. So let's say that we're sitting down for a meal and I'm eating my filet and you're having your broccoli. And you're offended. You're offended. You know, I wish you wouldn't eat that. That offends me. I can forgo my steak so I don't offend you.

Let's apply it a different way. Let's say we go to a restaurant and we order some pasta and you order a glass of wine. You say, I love wine with my Italian food. What if I say, but I was an alcoholic and if I have one sip of wine I could fall off the wagon. It's hard for me to sit here while you're drinking. Well, that's your problem, man. No, we're a family. And out of consideration for that person, you would say, well, I'll forgo that.

I won't do that because I don't want to do something that would cause you to stumble. Romans 14, 19 says, aim for harmony in the church and try to build one another up. Good encouragement today from Pastor Greg Laurie. Aim for harmony in the church and try to build one another up. And there's more to come from this lesson here on A New Beginning.

Pastor Greg has titled it, How to Resolve Conflict. It's all part of having love one for another. Of course, the ultimate example of love for another is when Jesus died for our sins. He gave up his life for you and for me. Salvation is a gift. Have you accepted that gift? Pastor Greg, what would you say to the person who hasn't yet accepted the Lord's gift? I would say that God is just a prayer away. It just starts with you saying to God, I know I'm a sinner.

I know that you love me. I know that you sent Jesus to die on the cross for my sin and pay for those sins and then to rise again from the dead and I want him to come into my life. So here's my question to you.

Have you done that yet? Because Jesus who did die on that cross and rose again from the dead three days later is alive and standing at the door of your life right now and he's knocking. And he's saying, if you'll hear my voice and open the door, I will come in. Why don't you just stop whatever it is you're doing and pray this prayer with me. Say, Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner but I know that you are the savior who died on the cross for my sin and rose again from the dead. I'm sorry for my sin and I turn from it now and I choose to follow you from this moment forward. I ask all of this in Jesus' name.

Amen. Listen, if you just prayed that prayer, the Bible promises that God has heard your prayer and has answered that prayer. The Bible says that we will confess our sin, he's faithful and just to forgive us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So, God bless you. You've made the right decision, the decision to follow Jesus Christ.

Yeah, that's right. And listen, Pastor Greg would like to help you start off right living for the Lord. He'd like to send you his New Believers Bible. It features hundreds of helps for new believers and it's written in an easy to understand translation. So contact us for your free copy of the New Believers Bible. You can call us at 1-800-821-3300. That's 1-800-821-3300.

Or go online to harvest.org and click Know God. Pastor Greg, we're excited to hear from so many people who tell us how they're enjoying the new animated cartoon series called The Adventures of Ben Born Again and Yellow Dog. One listener said, My granddaughter loved the first installment. She's watched it about five times already.

We can't wait for more. Let me ask you, what cartoons did you watch the most when you were a kid? Can you remember?

Oh, yeah, sure. Well, I watched all kinds of cartoons. I watched all the Looney Tunes because they were on television, you know, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny.

I really liked The Roadrunner and I don't know why I liked him so much, but maybe there was less dialogue and just more funny things happening and Wile E. Coyote, of course, big fan of that. I also would watch all the Hanna-Barbera cartoons. I loved The Flintstones, The Jetsons, Yogi Bear, Hey Boo Boo, you know. And I also liked the Peanuts cartoons. They started to animate those in the 60s and I was a big fan of the Peanuts cartoon strip and I even corresponded by letter with Charles M. Schulz, the creator of Peanuts, and he graciously responded to me on more than one occasion. So I just liked all kinds of cartoons.

I also liked the Pink Panther. There was hardly any dialogue, but I just thought it was a hilarious cartoon. In fact, I downloaded it recently and I was showing it to my grandkids.

I'm not sure that it aged perfectly. They sort of looked at it rather quizzically, like, okay, what? But yes, I watched so many cartoons on television and I was a real cartoon aficionado. Just yesterday I was showing one of the Ben Bournegan cartoons on my phone to a lady who was not a native English speaker, so sometimes there's a little bit of a communication breakdown. But I tell you what, that cartoon, she understood everything.

She understood it perfectly. It was even repeating the words as they were unfolding and I was amazed at the power of art and animation to bridge the gap and reach someone who maybe wasn't familiar with English or also to reach a child. And so I'm always looking for new ways to engage new people. As I've said before, we want to reach unexpected people in unexpected places with an unexpected message. So we do this through our films.

We do it through animation. We do it just through our general radio ministry. So often I'll have people say, I was just flipping the dial on my radio and came across your program and they didn't even know they were listening to it first. They thought it was some kind of a really awful comedian speaking and then they realized it was a preacher. But I've heard stories of these people coming to Christ and so it's sort of like fishing.

You just throw your nets out. You throw your line out just hoping you get a bite because there's so many people that are searching for truth and I want to go out there and get to where they are and reach them with the only truth that can change their life. So this month we're offering a special resource called the Ben Born Again New Believers Growth Book.

This is a brand new resource. We've had a version of it out for years but we have revisited it, rebuilt it, and redrawn it with these new characters Ben Born Again and Yellow Dog and we'll offer it to you for your gift of any size. This would be a great resource to share with your child or with your grandchild and I encourage you when you order this New Believers Growth Book that you are generous because that enables us to continue to come your way on our radio broadcasts, through our podcasts, through all of our other ways of communication, and also through animation. So whatever you send will be used to continue to bring the gospel to our generation and in advance let me say thank you.

Yeah, that's right. We're very grateful. So get in touch right away with your investment and as the Lord leads ask about becoming a Harvest Partner, one of the faithful inner circle of our friends who support us each month. And then let us thank you tangibly with our new Ben Born Again New Believers Growth Book. You can call us anytime 24-7 at 1-800-821-3300.

That's 1-800-821-3300. Or go online to Harvest.org. Well next time more insight on harmony in the church as Pastor Greg gives us some practical insight on conflict resolution. Join us here on A New Beginning with pastor and Bible teacher Greg Laurie. This is the day, the day when life begins The preceding podcast was made possible by Harvest Partners, helping people everywhere know God. Learn how to become a Harvest Partner, sign up for daily devotions and find resources to help you grow in your faith at Harvest.org