How to Get a New Husband | Be the Best Version of You

Today's episode of A New Beginning is brought to you by Harvest Partners, helping people everywhere know God.

Learn more at harvest.org. And while you're there, browse our library of free eBooks designed to help you grow in your faith. Our appearance matters, but a woman that fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Marriage is a promise. It's a promise we make to our spouses and a promise we make to God.

But as long as we both shall live, often becomes, I can't take this anymore. If a marriage is headed to divorce court, how can a couple take a step back and get the relationship back on track? Today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie provides some biblical counsel that will help both spouses draw closer to God and, in the process, draw closer to each other.

It's time-tested marriage counsel. We're in a brand-new series that we're calling Am I Doing This Right? And I want you to tune in your Bible to 1 Peter, chapter 3.

And the title of my message is How to Get a New Husband. Okay? Don't get too excited, girls. It's going to take a turn. You'll see.

But you'll like it. I think. So a guy's walking down the beach in Southern California. He sees something embedded in the sand. He reaches down.

It's kind of shiny. He picks it up. It's a lamp. He brushes the sand off and a genie appears. True story. And the genie says, oh, Master, I will grant you one wish, whatever you want.

I'll give it to you. The guy said, one wish? What happened to three? The genie says, COVID. You know, COVID just. Everything's blamed on COVID now. Have you noticed that?

Yeah, the whole COVID thing. We just can't do three wishes anymore. You get one wish. The guy says, well.

Okay. I've always wanted to go to the island of Maui, but I'm afraid to fly. So genie, my wish is that you would build a bridge from California to Hawaii so I could drive over. The genie says, are you out of your mind?

The cost, the expense, the logistics of it. There's no way I can build a bridge from California to Hawaii. Be realistic. Give me something else. The guy says, well, I've been married a long time now and I don't understand my wife. And I, wait, I don't even understand women. Here's my wish genie. I want to understand women. That's it. My wish is I want to understand women. The genie says, let's go back to that bridge.

Two lanes or four. Okay. There we go. Yeah. Understanding women.

That's not an easy thing to do. I've been married almost 50 years and I have four granddaughters. So I've been around girls a lot and I don't understand women, but here's what I've discovered. I don't think women understand women because sometimes I'll go to my wife and say, okay, so this girl said this.

Explain what's happening to me. And she'll say, I have no idea. Or sometimes she will know.

But here's the good news. God understands women, right? He understands.

They're not a mystery to Him. And so now I want to direct some words toward the women. Yes, the title of the message is how to get a new husband. But it's not so much about how to change him. It's maybe a little more about how to change you.

And that in effect will change him. Really if we want our marriages to work we have to set aside what culture tells us. Culture does not for the most part support marriage. It wasn't always that way by the way. When I was a kid in a time called the 1950s you would see television programs and other things that literally would support the idea of marriage, family, mom, dad, etc.

Those days are long gone. It seems like everything you listen to or watch in some way undermines family. So we cannot take our cues from culture. We need to go to the Word of God. Everything you need to know about marriage and family and how to do it right is found in the pages of Scripture. So we start there right.

So I have couples come to me sometimes and they say they want marital counsel. And I will often start our time, I've done a lot of it over the years, and I'll start by asking are you both Christians? They'll say oh yes. Are you both people that believe the Word of God? Yeah. Oh yes.

Are you willing to do what the Bible says no matter what? Now they're starting to get suspicious. Because now they know I'm going to get specific. And a lot of times people are unwilling to do it. Everybody thinks their marital problems are unique and no marriage has ever encountered the challenges that they're facing but it's simply not true. Now I have seen some exceptions to that in some really crazy situations. But by and large it's the same things that bring marriages down and tear them apart time after time. One becomes more selfish instead of more selfless. I was actually reading an article in the Washington Post.

Not a Christian newspaper by any stretch of the imagination. And they were talking about what makes a marriage last. One of the things they said is striking the idea of divorce from the vocabulary. Number two they said good communication.

Number three they said forgiving. I thought now where have I heard that before? That's all in the Bible. But these are things that we say oh no that doesn't really you know relate to my situation. Well I think it actually does. Now I don't know what shape your marriage is in right now. Maybe you have a strong vibrant marriage.

And if so God bless you and I'm so thankful. And I hope what we share will just bolster what is happening in your marriage. Some of you may have a good exterior. Everybody thinks you have a strong vibrant marriage.

But if you look under the hood there's a lot of trouble. So I hope that this will strengthen your marriage or restore your marriage. And then there's some your marriage is maybe hanging by a thread. And the thread's on fire.

It's bad. In fact you've even contacted an attorney and you're thinking about divorce. I really hope that you will hang in there. Because there is hope for your troubled marriage.

And it's found on the pages of the Bible. Hope. H-O-P-E. Holding on with patient expectation. Listen to this. Don't abandon ship.

Try to make the marriage work. Winston Churchill once said and he said this to me personally. He once said quote victory is not won by evacuation end quote.

He knew a little bit about that didn't he. As England was under bombardment by the Nazis and World War II. And Churchill said we will not give up. And that needs to be our attitude.

So I want to talk about how to get a new husband. You know it's an amazing thing. You know it's so great when you've hung in there and you've obeyed the Word of God and another decade passes and and you have a few years under your belt. Every now and then my wife will be out somewhere and I will be out somewhere and someone will say oh yeah how long have you been married. And when I tell them I think they can't believe it. Well almost 50 years they're like what. What kind of freaks are you.

It's just so unusual today. Long-term marriages are so unusual but there can be more of them. You know a woman marries a man expecting he will change and he doesn't. And a man marries a woman expecting she won't change and she does. Right.

That true. Listen girls if you're single and you've met some guy you see he's kind of troubled but I'm going to fix him. Uh bad idea.

He's probably going to get worse. Okay. So if you can't accept him as he is you know I'm going to make him a different person.

You're going to be in for a big disappointment. So some women work so hard to make good husbands. They never manage to make good wives. What quality should a woman have in her life to be the best wife she possibly can be.

Here are some answers in first Peter chapter three where Peter writes verse one. Wives be submissive to your own husbands. Even those who refuse to accept the good news your godly lives will speak to them better than any words. I'd underline that phrase. Better than any words. They'll be won over by watching your pure godly behavior.

So don't be concerned with outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles expensive jewelry or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is so precious to God. Pastor Greg Laurie will have the second half of his message in just a moment. You know there's nothing like hearing the word of God and worshiping the Lord together. I want to encourage you to join us for something we call Harvest at Home. It happens every Saturday and Sunday at harvest.org. You can join Christians literally from around the world as we worship and we study the word of God together. So join us for Harvest at Home at harvest.org. Well we're just getting started with Pastor Greg's message how to get a new husband.

Let's continue. All right so what do we learn here about how to get a new husband. Ladies are you listening? Point number one be the best version of you that you can be. Be the best version of you that you can be. Be a godly woman. You know proverbs 31 is a chapter every woman should read because it talks about a woman of virtue. Now when we use the word virtue we think of it as a feminine term.

But actually it is not. The word virtue is also used of men in the Bible. And the word virtue actually speaks of strength. And it speaks of something that is integrity and honor. So that's true of men and of women.

Force, value, etc. Proverbs 31 as you read about this virtuous woman you see a balanced woman. She's a businesswoman. She's a hard worker. She's a homemaker. She's a mother. She's a great wife. She's beautiful. She's actually beautiful inside and out.

And you look at the culture today and maybe more in the last 10 years or so than ever all the focus for women seems to be on your appearance alone. This is how you have to look. Just pick up any women's magazine. I subscribe to them all.

No I don't. But take Vogue magazine. You know I could bring a Vogue out and I could read the cover stories and I think I'd be a little embarrassed to say some of those things on Sunday morning at church. Imagine my shock when I came on this particular issue of Vogue magazine.

Look at this. It's like Queen Esther on doing what's right. The value of virtue. How the daily study of Scripture helped you grow spiritually in your journey.

20 Scriptures and how to have a better marriage and be faithful to your spouse. Isn't that amazing? This does not exist.

We made it ourselves. You're thinking I'm going to buy that issue. No you'll never see this. Unless a revival happens.

Then maybe you will. But I just thought let's take the cover of Vogue and let's make it what it could be instead of what it often is or any magazine for that matter. But so much focus on your appearance. 16 billion dollars is spent on plastic surgery every year in the United States. 16 billion. That's Newport Beach alone.

No I'm kidding but it's actually Beverly Hills and Newport combined. And I'm not against plastic surgery okay. I'm not against Botox.

I'm not against any of these things. In fact when you mention Botox nobody even raises an eyebrow anymore. Because their eyebrows have not moved for a long time. Did you do something to your face? No.

Let me see you furrow your brow. No it's yeah it's kind of hard right. I heard about a plastic surgery addict support group that meets weekly.

There's a lot of new faces in the group every week so it's a very. These are the jokes people. Okay so I'm not against any of those things. Outward appearance matters. As I said be the best version of you that you can be. But don't make that your primary focus. Because something called age is going to kick in all right. You got to work with it.

Do the best you can do but it's going to kick in. But here's the thing that Peter is saying. The godly woman focuses primarily on the internal but does not forget the external.

Let me say that again. The godly woman. The balanced woman. The virtuous woman. She does focus primarily on the internal but she does not forget the external.

Verse three again in First Peter three. Don't let your adornment be merely outward. The word adornment comes from the Greek word cosmos.

Guess what English word we get from that. Cosmetic. And so it's fine. Cosmetics are fine. He's not saying don't wear cosmetics. It's been asked should a Christian girl wear makeup.

Hey if the house needs painting paint it right. He's saying don't focus on these things. It should be noted the Bible does not forbid a woman to look attractive. The bride of Solomon in Song of Solomon 110 and the woman described in Proverbs 31 22.

They own beautiful clothing. God's not condemning or criticizing a woman for dressing herself attractively. But what he is saying is don't make that your only focus.

Don't be preoccupied with it. Jesus talked about people. All they think about is what they're going to eat. What they're going to wear. What they're going to drink.

I would add how they appear. Don't make that your primary focus. There is a balance in these things. First Timothy 4 8 says physical training is of some value but godliness has value for all things holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. It doesn't say physical training has no value. It says it has some value.

But then it sort of pivots to godliness. So you know someone might be really out of shape and you go man maybe you ought to hit the gym. My physical exercise has some value.

Yeah yeah have some so go to the gym. Because you're going too far the other way. You're so focused on the eternal that's nice but maybe a little external work would be good. Now granted not every woman is a beauty queen. Not every man is a male model. But we all can just be the best person God wants us to be and not just develop our outward appearance but our minds and our hearts. The godly woman of Proverbs 31 is known for her wisdom as well as her beauty. It says when she speaks her words are wise.

She gives instructions with kindness. Charm is deceptive. Beauty does not last. But a woman that fears the Lord will be greatly praised. I know older godly women and they're beautiful. They're beautiful on the inside and on the outside. And I've met women that are beautiful on the outside but they're shallow.

There's nothing there. So you want to find that balance in your life. Okay point number two of how to get a new husband. Respect your man. Respect your man.

Ladies don't miss this. Going back to 1st Peter 3 verse 1. Wives this is from King James Version now.

Be submissive to your own husbands that if some don't obey the word they'll be won without a word by the conduct of their wives while they observe your chaste and respectful conduct accompanied by fear. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That is what he needs from thee. How many of you want me to sing this right now? No. All right.

No I won't. But listen to this wives. Guys are not that complex. You want to win a man? Respect him. Ephesians 5 33 says let every one of you in particular love his wife as he loves himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. You know it's interesting the Bible says husbands need to love their wives and wives need to respect their husbands. That's not to say wives don't need respect. Nor is it to say husbands don't need to be loved. But it is to say the Bible specifically says a man should love his wife. And we've talked about that. And a wife should respect her husband.

It matters. So here's my word of advice. As I said before read your own mail. In other words read what the Bible says to you. Don't quote scriptures to your maid about what they're supposed to do.

Read the scriptures that are directed to you. Start there. Start there. So we're going to put it into practice right now.

Wives turn to your husbands. You're going to say something to them. You ready? Get ready.

Is it just me or does Greg become a better preacher every year? Say that. No.

Just say I respect you. Go ahead. Good. See. I see all the guys going alright.

He works hard. Not all guys do. I know. I know there's slackers. I know there's guys that in many ways don't deserve your respect. Okay.

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't show respect toward them. You know I heard about a woman that wanted to divorce her husband in the worst way. So she went to an attorney who specializes in it. Said I want to divorce my husband but I don't want to just divorce him. I want to hurt him. What do you suggest?

The lawyer says I've got an idea. For the next three months I want you to tell your husband how much you love him. Whatever his favorite meal is make that for him. Tell him he looks great. Tell him you respect him so much. Do this for three months and then tell him you're going to divorce him. He won't see it coming.

It will devastate him. The wife said I like that. That's what she did. For three months every day honey you look great today. I respect you so much. You're such a good husband. You're such a great father. Thank you for all that you do.

Three months passes. The lawyer calls. Says okay let's get this party started. She said are you kidding? We're going on our second honeymoon.

Right? Ladies do you respect your husband? That's my question. And when have you told him that recently? Great counsel today on a new beginning from Pastor Greg Laurie's family series called Am I Doing This Right?

We're just getting started in the message called How to Get a New Husband. Pastor Greg. Hey everybody I'm speaking with Randy Alcorn the author of a book that we're offering to you this month for your gift of any size that's called Heaven for Kids. Okay so Randy I have three questions about heaven. What is heaven? Where is heaven?

And most importantly how do I get to heaven? Yeah heaven is the dwelling place of God and in particular it's where God lives with his people. Right now heaven is up. That's the preposition that's used. It's up.

It's out. It may be an actually another dimension rather than just out in as far as you as far as you can go in outer space. Another dimension we have Elijah in a chariot that's taken up into heaven with horses and all of that and you wonder sometimes in scripture is heaven like a dimension that's right next to us that we just can't see but in terms of how we get there scripture is so clear on this as you well know Greg you've devoted your life to people hearing the gospel message and that is that you can't get to heaven apart from Jesus.

Jesus said I am the way the truth and the life no one comes to the father but by me and so his death on the cross for our sins at the gift that he offers us of eternal life and eternal life means you live forever but it's not just how long you live it's the quality of life that you will have forever in heaven with God if you place your faith in Jesus. These are some insights that you will find in this book that we're offering to you called heaven for kids by Randy Alcorn that we'll send you this month for your gift of any size. Yeah it's such a practical book every home should have a copy of this resource it's in a Q&A format and Randy lists all the questions in the table of contents so if a particular matter comes up with your kids or grandkids you can find that section easily and we'll be glad to send you heaven for kids to thank you for partnering with us so we can continue bringing you Pastor Greg's insights each day we won't be mentioning Randy's book much longer so get in touch right away you can call us and make the arrangements over the phone our number is 1-800-821-3300 that's a 24-7 phone number 1-800-821-3300 or write A New Beginning box 4000 Riverside California 92514 or go online to harvest.org. Well next time more godly counsel for Christian wives and Pastor Greg's message how to get a new husband join us here on A New Beginning with pastor and bible teacher Greg Laurie. Hey everybody thanks for listening to A New Beginning this is a podcast made possible by Harvest Partners so for more content that can help you know God and equip you to make him known to others or to learn more about how you can become a Harvest Partner just go to harvest.org