How to Get a New Husband: Spiritual Leaders

We're glad you're joining us for A New Beginning with Greg Laurie, a podcast supported by Harvest Partners. Get more encouraging audio content when you subscribe to Pastor Greg's Daily Devos.

Learn more and sign up at harvest.org. Today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie's wife, Kathy, has comments on the need for male spiritual leadership in the home. I think the situation in society and in culture today is kind of upside down. We have men who are unwilling to take the leadership role.

As a result, women become hyper controlling. When there's a leadership vacuum, they'll step in and then you have this total imbalance and that is unscriptural, unbiblical. No one knows an invention better than the inventor himself.

No one ever heard Alexander Graham Bell say, excuse me, would someone show me how to work this phone? When God created the family, he had in mind how the family works best. And today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie helps us explore God's plan for families as he continues his series Home Sweet Home.

We'll discover more harmony in the home when we live in harmony with God's will. Let's get started. Well, let's grab our Bibles.

We're going to turn to 1 Peter chapter 3. And the title of my message is How to Get a New Husband. Now my last message, I focused my remarks toward men and in this message I am going to direct my remarks more toward the ladies here. And at the end of my message, my wife Kathy is going to come out. We are going to have a discussion about some of these things. So that is something to look forward to.

But the title of the message, as I mentioned, is How to Get a New Husband. Now Madison Avenue discovered years ago that the way to sell a product that is lagging a bit is to put the words new and improved on it. Now it may be that the only thing that is new and improved about that product is the logo or the color or one extra ingredient that has no real effect. But just so they can technically say it is new and improved. Because there is something in this that wants the newest. We want the freshest. We want the fastest.

We want the latest version of it. Sort of like if you ever buy a new car or truck. First of all there is that new car smell.

It is just so amazing because everything is so clean. And as you bought that car you made a vow, I am going to take care of this car. There will not be one dent in this car. This car will be washed every week.

No. Every day I will wash this car. And I will take it in for regular maintenance and I will keep it in perfect running order. And 30 years later it will still be on the road.

I am going to make it into a classic. Well then there was that first family vacation. And if you have kids forget about it. You know. Now the first dent. Now the second dent. Now there is dents and dents. And you haven't been taking it down for regular maintenance and now you are having some problems with it.

And you know it just isn't what it used to be. And then you just saw the latest model of your car cruise down the street and you went oh. So you go down to the car dealer now and now you are looking at the new model.

And you trade in your old junker for the latest version. Marriages can be like this. On the day you were married you stated your vows. I take you for better or for worse. For richer and for poorer. In sickness and in health. To love and to cherish.

Till death do us part. And you meant every word of those vows. Didn't you?

But as time passed you neglected the maintenance of your marriage. You didn't keep it tuned up. It began to sputter.

It wasn't headed for being a classic. It was looking more like a junker. Then that new model caught your eye.

That sensitive guy who actually listened to what you had to say girls. And you thought hmm. You are trying to thought I am for size. Maybe I will trade my spouse in on this person. Well this is what we never want to do. So I want to talk today about how to get a new husband. Now if you are thinking this means you are going to dump your husband.

Sorry. That is not the point. This is about helping your husband be new and improved. So you are saying well shouldn't you be directing your remarks toward the men. No actually I need to direct my remarks toward you today ladies because there is a very key role that you can play in all of this. If we do it God's way. But before you can turn your husband into a new man maybe some of you ladies need to think about becoming a new woman. Some women work so hard to make good husbands they never manage to make good wives. So let's see what the Scripture has to say about the role of the woman and specifically the wife in marriage.

1 Peter 3. And I am reading from the New Living Translation by the way for this particular portion. Wives, likewise be submissive to your own husbands even those who refuse to accept the good news. Your godly lies will speak to them better than any words.

They will be won over by watching your pure godly behavior. Don't be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within. The unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is so precious to God.

We will stop there. What do we learn here about getting a new husband? Point number one. Be the best version of you that you can be. Be the best version of you that you can be. Now first and foremost for a girl you want to be godly. You want to become a virtuous woman. I hope you have read Proverbs 31 but if you haven't go read that later. And it tells you all about what a woman of virtue looks like. There is something very special about a godly girl.

Number two. Respect your man. Ephesians 5 33 says, Let each one of you men in particular love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ladies do you respect your husband?

Listen to this. Wives need love and husbands need respect. That is not to say that husbands don't need love and wives don't need respect. But it is to say Scripture very specifically says to wives respect your husband and very specifically says to husbands love your wives. So I think we should pay attention to that.

Point number three. Submit to the leadership of your husband. Now this is not in any way to suggest that a man is superior and a woman is inferior. It is to say rather they belong to each other. Therefore when God calls a woman to submit to the leadership of the man he is not saying she is any less than a man because she isn't. Showing men and women have equal standing before God Paul writes in Galatians 3 28, In Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, listen, male nor female for you are all one in Christ. So though there is no difference between men and women in the nature of their salvation and standing with God there is a structure of authority that God has set in the marriage.

Now I know it is easier to submit to Godly leadership. If your husband is loving you as Christ loves the church it is really not that hard to follow because he is putting you first. But on the other hand sometimes you find yourself in a marriage with a man that is not Godly at all. Maybe he professes faith but he doesn't really lead as he ought to spiritually. Maybe you found yourself in a marriage to a non-believer.

So what should you do? Because I have heard Christian girls come up to me and say you know Greg I think the Lord is telling me to divorce my heathen husband. And he said to me the other day go marry the cute guy you saw at church last week. No you know what God didn't say that. How do you know what God didn't say?

Because here is what he says in this word. If you are married to a non-believer don't leave him but try to win him without a word. Are you saying I should still submit to the leadership of a husband who isn't a Christian? The answer is a qualified yes. A qualified yes. And by that I mean yes you are to let him be the leader in the relationship but not if he would tell you to do something that is outside of the will of God.

Illustration. Let's say your husband said to you the Christian wife I don't want you to go to church on Sunday anymore. No more church. Just stay home with me on Sunday mornings and watch me sleep in my La-Z-Boy recliner. What should you do? Why don't you stay home and submit?

No no no. Say honey I love you. I will make you a nice breakfast. And then I am going to church with the kids.

And we will see you when we get back. And yeah you need to think of your own spiritual life. So that is a situation where you would not submit to that leadership. Let's say the husband asked you to do something that was immoral or it was illegal. No you are not required to submit to that. Let's say the husband is hitting you.

No you are not required to submit to that. Understand what this means. Because there are times when a higher law supersedes a lower one. And though God has established the family structure of the husband as the head and the wife in a submissive role he has also established the fact that he is over all. Pastor Greg Laurie will have the second half of his message in just a moment as his wife Kathy joins him. We really enjoy hearing when Pastor Greg's teaching and preaching touches lives. Pastor Greg I came across your YouTube channel this past Friday. I spent most of the weekend listening to your messages. I am now listening to your podcast and I can't tell you how great it is to have found you. I love your messages and they are helping me daily with my understanding of Christ and the Bible. I would say I have been a Christian for most of my life but I have found it hard to let go of the world and my selfish desires. At 51 years of age I am finally understanding what it means to have a relationship with Christ. I am married, I have two children who just graduated from high school and I also desire for my wife and kids to dial into your messages because they need it too.

Thank you so much for all you are doing. It's a blessing to know that listeners are hearing these messages and God is using his word to touch individuals and families. How have Pastor Greg's studies impacted your life?

Would you let them know? Drop an email to Greg at Harvest dot org. That's Greg at Harvest dot org. Well back to our study now. Pastor Greg and his wife dialogue on the Bible's counsel to Christian women. Now let's hear from the beautiful Catherine Laurie as she comes out.

Ok. Cathy. Guys. We are mystified by girls. You know I said to you last time. Do you think girls.

I said this on the fly and I loved your response so I will repeat the question. Do you think that guys are kind of like dogs and girls are kind of like cats. Understand where I am going. A dog you know where you stand with a dog. You know cats are mystical and they leave you and they come back and they lick you and they don't talk to you. You know what is it you know. Look at my face.

Am I buying this? You had an interesting answer to that really stupid question. Well I think it is very interesting because women are interdependent and guys are more independent. I mean that's just you know in culture that's guys you know they go out they venture out they get their jobs their world is out there they kind of independently move. Whereas women I think we're a little more complicated.

I think just the understatement of the year way more complicated. Just our bodies are more complicated our our our minds our emotions are more complicated for sure. And we have strengths that guys don't have and even though we are interdependent we have social life for a woman is very important our friendships are very important. Our relationships with our children are very we're more interconnected and that's why I say women are more like dogs and men are more like cats. Because dogs are they're they're they're a pack animal they they're familial they're they're you know they're sweet they they like to hang out. Cats are more like they're on their own wavelength they're kind of doing their own thing non-communicative many times. That's the see so I say women are more like dogs. We're more interested we're very observant we have a higher emotional IQ than guys do. Like you come away from a situation and I'll say but did you did you see or did you notice this about that person? I'll be talking to someone I'll think oh that person's great. Yes but did you notice this?

No I didn't notice that. She'll pick up on things they miss all the time. So I think it's a I think it's a gift but you got to know girls when to use it and when to be quiet. You can't just hit your husband with a barrage of words. Like it's talking to a wife married to a non-believer win him without a word what does that mean do you think? Okay well I I've studied that passage in in Peter pretty carefully. And from what I have learned is that at the time when that was written in the Roman Empire there was a law that basically was paterfamilias. And that was men were literally like kings in their home. Women had no rights they couldn't own property they had no education. They if a husband wanted to have his wife divorced or put to death or to be chastened or whatever.

There were no rights for women whatsoever. So when Peter is writing this he is writing to a situation where a woman might be married to a non-believing husband. A man who doesn't have the scriptures to inform him. And it's so beautiful because what we learn about the the headship of a man from a biblical perspective is not it's not to be a king.

It's not like you have the platinum card and she has to fly in the back of the plane. It's a servant leadership as Jesus demonstrated which is he laid down his life for us. He lovingly led. He washed the disciples feet and said I am your lord and master and this is the example. So you know non-believing men in in the Roman times would have this unbelievable authority.

And Peter is telling them to use your godly lifestyle. Use the tools that you have as a woman in a situation like that. So without a word without being overly targeted overly domineering. And I think the situation in society and in culture today is kind of it's kind of upside down from what it was then. We have men who are unwilling to take the leadership role. So as a result women become hyper controlling.

When there's a leadership vacuum they'll step in. And if women are questioning of the man's authority if they're always belittling their husband. If they're always doubting and resisting their decisions and leadership. You know husband at some point will step down. And then you have this total imbalance and that is unscriptural and biblical. You know in our in our marriage by and large Greg and I don't really have that many situations where he has to say, Kathy we disagree and I am making the decision for the family and for you. And what I believe the Lord has shown me and then I have to submit to that. There's that so rare in the 40 years 42 years of marriage.

By and large he asks my opinion we discuss things together we reach a compromise a consensus. But there have been times where Greg has had to make the tough decision. And you know I didn't always appreciate that.

That is not something that I saw modeled at my home growing up. I didn't have a biblical model to see so I had to learn from scriptures which is really hard to learn to back down. When it comes push comes to shove I'm called to submit. And what I have discovered over the years is that when when I did not belittle and question and resist Greg's leadership. One of two things has happened. One is that it's turned out that he has made exactly the right decision. And even though me with all my intuition and with all my abilities to communicate with all my smarts that I think I have I was wrong. And then I've seen the Lord show me that and so don't question Greg.

You know he's been given the responsibility pray for him and if it's not my will you pray. And there are times when it's worked out so beautifully it's been exactly the right thing. I remember when we were first married that I was very attached to my kids. I did not want to ever leave them. I did not want to leave Christopher. I didn't want to leave Jonathan. And there were times when Greg would say Kathy you know your marriage to me comes first. You know the children are going to go eventually and we're going to stay together and it's going to be you and me. We need to invest in our relationship. I was not happy with that.

I thought they're going to starve to death they won't eat for anyone but me. Something's going to happen and you know it was not easy to go along with Greg's leadership. Hindsight it was exactly the right thing to do. Invest in your relationship.

Put your relationship with your husband above your relationship with your children. And then there were other times when Greg may have made a decision and he would really admit that was not the right choice. And what happened as a result? The world didn't fall apart.

And we survived and he learned a really important lesson too. And that was sometimes you need to listen to your wife. Listen to your wife you know.

You would benefit from her perspective and what she has to say. Let me go back to something you said because I wonder if some people have questions about that. The relationship between you and your husband speaking to wives is more important than that between you and your children.

I think some people no no I disagree with that. We're not saying that the relationship with your children is not really important. I'll talk about that next time.

But there's kind of an order of structure there. And see if you in the name of all of my children are the most important neglect your husband. And then your marriage falls apart.

That's the worst thing that can happen to your kids. But if you keep your marriage strong and vibrant. Loving your wife. Loving your husband.

That's the best gift you can give to your kids. So that's what we are saying by that. Well and doesn't the Scripture say that a man and a woman leave their father and mother and to cleave to one another. And that cleaving is not a temporary cleaving.

That's a permanent cleaving. As long as you are both alive you are to cleave to one another. Whereas your children as the Scriptures rightly say will leave their father and mother. They will establish their own households. They will have their own families. And you've set an example for them to then repeat.

Yes. With their kids. And women we are teaching. We are teaching our daughters.

We are teaching our sons about these very important biblical roles that culture does not understand at all. Would you close with prayer and maybe pray for the ladies here. Some of there's girls listening right now. They're going yeah I like what she says. That's biblical.

Some girls are going what. She said what. I don't know if I agree with that. But you know honestly you are kind of disagreeing with Scripture. Because that's all we are sharing here. But we are also sharing how this has worked for us in 42 years of marriage. So these are not theories. These are biblical principles that we found to be true. Not just in our marriage but have seen in so many others. But maybe pray for the ladies and pray for their marriages in general right now.

There is so much more that could be said about all of these things girls. And I would suggest that you get into a Bible study. Get in a circle of friends who understand these things. Find a mentor. Find someone with a biblical marriage that you admire and respect and learn.

Because you're not going to learn this anywhere else. But I'd be happy to pray. Lord we are so grateful that you have not left us without a road map. You have not left us without instructions.

And beautiful instructions that if we read them rightly. And understand that when you speak of submission. You modeled it for us.

Jesus you came into this world and though you were Lord and Master. You humbled yourself and looked out for our interests above your own. You put our needs above your own. And that is what we are called to model both husbands and wives. And for that we need the empowering of your Holy Spirit.

Jesus these are things that fly contrary to every fiber of our natural being. It is not normal to be selfless. It is not normal to think of others above ourselves. But we know that as we become more like you. Your Holy Spirit that dwells in us is transforming us.

And changing our priorities. And that Lord you promised us that if we would humble ourselves. And be obedient that you would watch out for us. And that ultimately it would lead to a beautiful and a fulfilling and a happy life. So Lord we do ask for the power of your Holy Spirit. To live lives that will be pleasing to you as women, as wives, as singles. And that you would have sway in every decision, in every action, every word. That we would speak especially in our marriages.

We ask it in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. Let's thank Kathy for coming out. Pastor Greg Laurie and his wife Kathy with practical insight for the Christian home.

Glad you've joined us for this special presentation today here on The New Beginning. You know Pastor Greg I think I've heard you say that God never wastes our pain. When we face painful times it's not for nothing. God can use it sometimes in pretty miraculous ways. And we have a resource available right now that discusses that don't we?

Dave that's true. God has a purpose in the things that he either does or allows in our life. And I know there are times when things don't make sense. Hey I've had those times too like Lord what are you doing? Why did you allow this to happen?

What is the purpose of this? And frankly there are some things that I don't have an answer on that. You know when I look back on our son going to be with the Lord 13 years ago. I still question that.

I still wish that had never happened. But having said that I can look back on the time since then. And I can see how God has changed me and he's changed my wife and he's changed our son. Our son was actually not walking with the Lord. And that event of his brother going to be with the Lord just woke him up spiritually. And he's committed himself to Christ.

In fact now he's a pastor at our church. I can look at how Kathy and I were willing to go and do things we'd never done before. And take risks we'd never taken before. And try things we'd never tried before. So I've said man I wish I could have all these good things that happen without my son dying.

I wish he could have been here with us for this. But there are some questions that will never be answered this side of heaven. But look don't waste your pain. You can take your pain and you can use it as a tool to help others. You know the Apostle Paul says that he comforts with the comfort that he himself has been comforted with. And I found that I am able to bring words of comfort and assurance to others who've lost loved ones. And speaking of losing loved ones we have a very special book that has just come out.

A brand new book that we want to offer to you that will bring comfort to you in your times of difficulty. It's written by the whole Tony Evans family. Now you know Tony Evans he's on the radio with this program Urban Alternative. And he's a prolific author. But he wrote this book along with his daughters Crystal and Priscilla. And his sons Anthony and Jonathan. This is a wonderful godly family. And a lot of that is due to the powerful influence of their mother Lois.

And Lois went to be with the Lord recently. So the whole family got together and wrote about the impact of this event on their life. And this book they call Divine Disruption subtitled Holding Onto Faith When Life Breaks Your Heart. I want to send you this book. It's going to be an encouragement to you or someone you know. And maybe you don't feel like you need a book like this right now.

Well you may need it sooner than you realize. Let me send it to you for your gift of any size and whatever you send in return will be invested by us. So we can reach new people in new places with the hopeful message of the gospel. So whatever you can do is greatly appreciated. Now some of you can send a lot.

Be generous if you can. Some of you maybe can only send a little. But whatever you send I'll send you back a copy of this brand new book Divine Disruption. And we have your copy waiting for you right now. Let us get this on its way to you.

What a healing resource for you or for someone you know who's in pain right now. What a great personal ministry on your part to get this book and gift it to them with your prayers. We'll send you the book Divine Disruption to thank you for your donation.

It's an investment in helping us bring the hope of the gospel each day here on A New Beginning. So get in touch today. You can find us online at harvest.org. Or call us anytime 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 1-800-821-3300.

Again that's 1-800-821-3300. Well next time more insights from Pastor Greg's series called Home Sweet Home. Practical insights for Christian parents. Join us here on A New Beginning with pastor and Bible teacher Greg Laurie. This is the day, the day when life begins. The preceding podcast was made possible by Harvest Partners. Helping people everywhere know God. Learn how to become a Harvest Partner. Sign up for daily devotions and find resources to help you grow in your faith at harvest.org.