Noise bombards us every day Traffic -hour news our mobile devices and a host of other things forms a wall of sound that keeps many of us in a state of agitation For caregivers taking a moment to sit quietly and settle our hearts down seems nearly impossible But if we don't take time for stillness we're going to have to make time for illness The constant state of anxiety stress and sensory overload we experience as caregivers will eventually make us sick Ask any health care professional about the long-term effects of stress When's the last time anyone ever [... more]

From YOUR CAREGIVER MINUTE The morning of the most extensive surgery my wife's ever faced we both felt understandably a bit nervous Sitting in the pre-op area I observed a flurry of medical staff work efficiently to prepare Gracie for what would be a -hour surgery and her nd operation that I can count When the neurosurgeon arrived I noticed a tangible enthusiasm about him Clapping his hands together he brightly looked at us while stating You ready to get this thing done For maybe the first time in my years as a caregiver I felt a calmness and sense [... more]

Much of the heartache I've endured as a caregiver results from my unwillingness to accept things as they are Fighting to change things I remain powerless to change has only made it harder for me and sadly others A friend once told me that acceptance doesn't mean agreement I may not like what I carry or witness but I can accept that it is what it is and be calmer while enduring it That's not defeatist just realistic My wife helped teach me this when she lost both of her legs She didn't like being a double-amputee but it became [... more]

Many caregivers struggle with decades-old promises to make sure to never put Mom in a nursing home When making that promise most recall healthier times where the thought of going into a facility seemed far in the horizon Reality sneaks up on the best of us and we find ourselves faced with uncomfortable circumstances The tether of the promise can quickly transform to a noose around the neck of a family caregiver unable to meet the demands of a horrific condition From personal safety to medical expertise caregivers easily find themselves outmatched by an affliction and overpowered by guilt Despite [... more]

My -year-old mother doesn't suffer from dementia but is so mean to me How do I make her happy while caring for her I've been sober for years and she makes me want to start drinking again Terri in Texas called the radio program with an all too common problem How do I make her happy Answering Terri on the air I shared that Your responsibility is not to make your mother happy but to work your sobriety program Your mother can get happy in the same shoes she gets mad in Your responsibility is to call your sponsor and [... more]

A recent caller to my radios program shared her journey as a caregiver Combat-related PTSD led her military son down some dark paths including drugs and alcohol and his family disintegrated This grandmother found herself with an impaired son and vulnerable grandchildren When considering the word caregiver most think of caring for the elderly Yet many kinds of caregivers exist and each of them bears their own sadness and difficulties It is often stated that soldiers leave a part of themselves on the battlefield Sometimes caregivers work to compensate for those missing pieces as they care for the seen and [... more]

Every caregiver recalls moments when harsh words leapt from our mouths words we desperately wish we could reclaim Emotions often churn in our hearts like a blender on puree and for caregivers the top seems to easily fly off and create a mess Whether expressing frustration or just reaching a boiling point we can quickly find ourselves spewing our words like a firehose often destructively Arguing with an impaired loved one suffering with dementia mental illness or addiction is pointless Unleashing our vexations on family friends co-workers or medical providers only heaps more guilt and sorrow on our already bruised [... more]

Weary of condescension from a physician years ago regarding my wife's condition I leveled my gaze at him and stated With all due respect Doc I was taking care of her when you were in junior high school So how about we keep this in perspective ' We may not know the science but we know our loved one That knowledge and experience provides us with something I coined Caregiver Authority Quality practitioners recognize the benefit of enlisting our hard-won insights After dealing with physicians and countless nurses I learned years ago that training doesn't make one a better human [... more]