Waffles and Well-Being From extended hospital stays surrounded by faceless people in masks to longer nights where loneliness and fear serve as companions caregivers remain prone to feeling adrift and disconnected Longing for recognizable landmarks that signal safe harbor caregivers face the challenge of re-anchoring themselves often in a storm But it doesn't have to be complicated During my wife's surgeries in Denver I stepped into a Waffle House near the hospital I love Waffle House I grew up going to Waffle House but we now live in Montana and there's no Waffle House in the whole state In Denver [... more]

From A Minute for Caregivers - When Every Day Feels Like Monday Happy New Year can often feel perfunctory and even meaningless in the caregiving world Most of us know that January etc usually brings the same challenges as the previous week and year s Yet although our responsibilities may not change we can While many fall into the trap of ambitious but unrealistic New Year's Resolutions I usually give mine up for Lent caregivers can instead determine to live rather than just survive Living however requires risks Life is perilous despite our culture obstinately working to mitigate all risks [... more]

A demoralizing point for many family caregivers lies in unmet expectations hopes and dreams We often visualize what could be but things beyond our control are roadblocks Ashamedly I admit to attempting control and trying to force things on more than one occasion only to frustrate myself my wife and many others Letting go of those hopes and expectations however can be painful Over the last few years I've tried a different approach In my mind I envision a rather large container I call The Box of Things That God Will Have to Redeem Offloading those items losses heartaches and [... more]

Facing Our Giants Before the famous altercation with Goliath when David expressed anger at the blasphemous giant one of his embarrassed older brothers who camped at the battle scene furiously derided him But King Saul heard about David and astonishingly the king allowed the teenager to fight Goliath Saul even put his tunic and armor on him Saul was tall but David wasn't and the king's armor didn't fit Struggling to function in the ill-fitting battle garb David removed it and faced Goliath his way depending upon God's might David recognized he couldn't succeed while wearing something that didn't fit [... more]

Harsh Judgment Interviewing a couple who raised two children with Huntington's disease HD on my program they relayed a heartbreaking story where they stood before a judge who clearly didn't understand the nature of HD After repeated arrests for shoplifting violent behavior and other issues the judge commented from the bench that she felt this resulted from bad parenting Unable to address the court or defend themselves the couple shared We had to take it on the chin A five-minute search or phone call by the judge would have provided a bigger picture of the nature of this horrific disease [... more]

If caregivers mapped out a decision tree for our daily lives it would look like a forest Each day we're faced with numerous choices and most seem filled with unpleasant outcomes Sometimes the decisions before us have a paralyzing effect and we don't know what to do next In those moments we serve ourselves well to choose the next right thing as our action step The big problems become more approachable when our heads and hearts calm down For that to happen our decisions require reduction Unlike the giant single unpleasant task of eating the elephant one bite at a [... more]

Aggressive Assurance During a recent medical event with my wife she received significant time with the acute pain management team To my surprise they engaged me asked questions and solicited my thoughts as Gracie's longtime caregiver Recognizing that post-operative pain management with her is a bit of a trick they listened as I shared numerous incidents from her long journey After relating her history I added In my experience I've found that one of the most effective ways to help her is 'aggressive assurance ' Constantly reinforcing 'We've got you and we're on top of this ' The pain management [... more]