Embryo Adoption & Infertility: Nana and Eric Dolce

I did ask God for a scripture at some point, because this is such a unique way to adopt a child. I'm giving birth to my adopted child. Yeah, it's an amazing way to adopt a child. And after my prayer, our pastor preached on Psalm 139. When I read that, I said, this embryo, this was before the transfer and they're so little.

They're less than the size of the head of a pin. And yet, according to this passage, God already knows the on-form body of this person. Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Shelby Abbott and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at familylifetoday.com. This is Family Life Today. So today is a special day. It's not only a special day. We've got something we've never had. We've got Nana Dulce back. It's Nana Dulce Week. How does that sound, Nana? Did you ever think you'd be like, have a week named after you? Listeners, I'm sorry for this voice. All week. But now we get another voice.

It's the same last name. We've got Eric, your husband in the studio. Eric, what do you think? Grateful. It's great to be here. You all stole it from me for how many days last year. So it's a good thing that I'm actually here this time. So that's a good thing. How many years you guys been married?

It'll be 16 in August. All right. Tell us a little bit of your story. How did you guys meet?

So basically we have friends who are plotters and planners and schemers. And I worked with a lady. She basically had this idea or it was really the husband.

It was really more than anything. She would go home and say, this great guy named Eric. But then her husband was the youth minister at a local church and he would come home saying, this great girl named Nana. And so they started talking and thinking and scheming about how we could finally get together. So they invited us to go out with them and then just kind of left it to us to move forward. I was actually leaving the DC area just months after I met you.

I was going to seminary in a whole different state and I would be there for two years. But Eric was very committed to being my friend. And so he would send care packages. He would read my papers.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. You sent care packages? I am incredibly impressed right now. Is he romantic? He's thoughtful. He's very thoughtful. So even now he'll remember like, this was the day we met 18 years ago. I don't remember these things.

He marks them down. April 21st was our first date. Here you go. That's so sweet.

I love it. Well, let me ask you, Nana. So you were discipled by Crew. Yes. You talked about that, how you have had your fingers involved with Crew in the past.

Take us back there because you've been basically discipling us all week. And it's crazy that you were discipled through Crew and had some of your roots back then. Yes. Was that before you met Eric? It was before I met Eric. I've mentioned along the way this week that I grew up in a family that didn't model the kind of family I wanted for my future. So when I became a Christian, I knew, I don't know what a Christian wife is supposed to look like. I don't know what a Christian husband is supposed to look like.

I don't know how this works because I haven't seen it. I turned to scripture, but I also turned to resources like family life today. So you were a listener of family life today? I was a listener. I was not anybody's wife. I wasn't anybody's momma.

I didn't have a family, so to speak. I was a single woman, but I would listen to prepare me. I would listen as a way of, okay, teach me how, teach me what this looks like. Teach me family life today in Christ. What a beautiful thing that this is a place that discipled you and now you're being used by God on the same vehicle to disciple others. It's so encouraging. It blows my mind honestly. So the tools that you learned listening to family life today, did you apply it when you and Eric got married?

Yeah, I had nothing but those examples. Of course, I'm part of a church now. I'm part of a church family where I can, you know, there are these older mamas and fathers in Christ that I can also learn from, but it was a definite resource. What about you? Where did you get a foundation of following Jesus?

What does that look like? Because you're on staff at a church that you're both involved in. I was saved in seventh grade and then our family moved back to Haiti. I was born here in the States, but my parents are from Haiti. And when the Duvalier regime had gone down, a lot of Haitians went back and my family was among that wave of hopeful Haitians for what might be in Haiti one day, which has not manifested, but it worked out for me. I didn't want to go to Haiti, but I found that the Lord definitely had his best in mind for me because when I went to Haiti, my high school principal, and not just him, but the school that I was at was really for missionary kids.

And then they opened it up for regular kids like me. And so I was blessed to be amongst all of these believing Christians from parts of Europe and Canada and the US, all over the US. And David Bittner was my principal and my prayer pal. I had no idea what that was, what it meant to have a prayer partner. But he was basically showing me what trusting God meant, which really highlighted for me how I wasn't trusting God. And I had a lot of help, but he was primary.

And then definitely the ministry of RC Sproul, Ligonier Ministries for sure after that. So I would say those are like two pillars right there helping me. It's cool to hear how a broadcast, RC, Family Life, now podcast and radio, God can use. So here's my question about your marriage. Best thing, worst thing.

Best thing, biggest struggle. What would you say? Ladies first.

Okay. So I really like Eric. I feel like wherever he is really is my favorite place to be. Like I love him obviously, but I like him and I enjoy being with him and I tell him everything. I don't know how he feels about that, but I tell him everything. Just as you would a best friend. Exactly.

Yeah. And I trust his thoughts on like if I need to make a decision or I just, I just think he's really wise. So, you know, I was discipled by family life. And when I met this man, oh, one of the first things we did was we read through the Bible. I think we had a Bible study. So you're dating. A part of our courtship. Yeah. And then we read holiness of God together through R.C.

Sproul. He's, I mean, you all have called me a scholar and all of that. I've been influenced by this man in so many ways. I felt like a lot of my friends appreciated my love for the Bible, but they thought, okay, Nana.

All right. So here we go again with this Bible story and with that. But with Eric, I never had to apologize for that.

We could go deep into scripture and I just felt full every time I spoke with him. So that would be the best thing for me. That's really sweet, actually.

You don't hear that every day. I really like him. Yeah. What about you, Eric? Well, I grew up pretty much by myself in the house. I was a latchkey kid, basically. You had siblings that were how much older? Siblings who were 12, 16 and 17 years older than me. So I was Uncle Eric at age five, which means what?

Exactly. But I'm blessed because I come home and the children that my wife bore and the child that we have adopted come greet me at the door. My wife cares for me very well. We've started something that's really beautiful. And I'm grateful for the family that God has blessed me with through my wife.

And you're on a pretty interesting journey right now. We are. That is true. Let's talk about that. Yes.

So you're pregnant. I am. But it's interesting, unique. It is. Yeah. Tell our listeners. Tell us about your other kids, too, because you have two girls that are your bio kids.

Yeah. I call each of my children children born from prayer because we have biological children, but it doesn't mean that it came quick and easy. So we I think Jael was born our first our daughter, who is now 12.

She was born three years after our marriage. And it was from praying, Lord, please open the womb. Please open the womb. Did you have a time of infertility that you didn't know if you could get pregnant?

Yes. So I've never sought medical treatment. It wasn't anything that we pursued or really fought for, apart from just praying and praying and praying. I'm guessing that you read the scriptures and you read this is what I've read over and over again. God opened her womb. Yeah, that's right. Is that what you were praying?

It is. It's what I was praying for. So then we got pregnant with our daughter Jael. She was born three years into our marriage, prayed and fasted for a second one. And God sent Noelle two girls.

And so then I was like, OK, Lord, please give another one. There's a capacity for children. There's a desire for children.

Eric said that the family me and him have now is not what we knew growing up. And we love being parents. We love raising kids and want to nurture a generation that the Lord is pleased to use for his purposes. We wanted them to know something we didn't know. And we wanted more. And so we started praying. Ten years of praying and believing, OK, the Lord can do it. He did it before. Lord, won't you do it again?

And I'm thinking he's going to do it the way that he did it before with the first two. Did you ever feel at that point discouraged or wondering like, Lord, why aren't you answering? Well, it was a big mystery. I mean, as far as I was concerned, I wasn't stressed about it, you know, but I could kind of sense that it was really heavy on Nana, you know. And so that became something for me.

You know what I mean? Because you don't want your wife stressing, you know. So I was like, well, I don't understand why. It always made sense that we would have more children.

I was confident of that. But his ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts were not our thoughts. And so we have to be open to, well, if it's not this way, is there a way other than? She mentioned praying.

Obviously, we prayed and tried and it wasn't happening. And so we were then open. I think we were more open, especially when the pandemic hit. When the pandemic hit, I think, you know, a lot of things slowed down at the church and our church is a very active let's go, let's meet, let's serve.

When everything shut down, you know, like, well, there's time and energy to be put into some other things. And so that's when we started, you know, really reading scripture as a family, committed to reading through the New Testament that year. We had already decided that before the pandemic hit, actually. But the pandemic helped. And then the pandemic also was when we started thinking about adoption more seriously, I think. Is that right?

I mean, would you say? Yes, it was. So it was during the pandemic where it occurred to me that I was praying for God to open the womb. And I heard one sermon that helped me to see that let your will be done doesn't always mean that he'll answer it the way I think he will. And so for the first time, it occurred to me that God might send a child, but maybe not through the womb. And so we started thinking about foster care and we had the time to do the trainings because it's a long process. We started the process.

It took nine months for us to be licensed, which is funny. And we were called to pick up a three week old baby from the hospital. So this child had been born.

Mom was she had named him, which will always honor her for that. She gave birth to him and then she named him. But then she left and she couldn't be found. So she left him at the hospital and she took off.

Yes. No one knew she was going to leave. So she wasn't well.

I think they knew from the beginning when she entered the hospital that there was a lot wrong. Even if she had stayed, I think he would have needed to go somewhere. But she couldn't be found. There were family that were found, but they loved him but didn't have the capacity to take him.

So he needed to go somewhere. So here was a family who had been praying for so long for a child. Our daughters were praying specifically for a brother.

Were they? They had been praying for four years for a brother and they were so committed. They would keep cereal in the morning.

Lord, thank you for my cereal. Please give me a baby brother. I would come back from Sunday school to go pick up especially our youngest daughter and her Sunday school teacher would take me to the side. You know, she's telling everybody that the Lord is giving her a brother. And I'm like, well, that's her faith.

I mean, they were committed because the Lord had already answered prayers for a bunk bed and for bicycles. Why not a kid? Why not a baby brother?

It goes with B. Let's do it. He did it before kind of thing. And what was amazing actually is while we were in the process of being licensed to foster, one of the grandmothers at our church donated a stroller, a bunch of baby boy clothes and toys, and she just gave all these things for a boy. And so it was at that point, it was December. I said, I think God is going to send us a baby boy. In March, we were called that this little boy needed somewhere to go. It was me.

Yes, you're right. We were licensed in like March, April. So you started as a foster parent with him?

We started. He was our first placement. He was our first placement. And he was only 24 days old. And he came into our home. There was never any visits because mom couldn't be found. Did you keep the same name?

Yes. The name that his mom gave him, we maintained it as his middle name. We had to give him a different first name, however, because every member of our family has a four letter first name. We never meant, we didn't plan this, but Eric, Nana, Jael, Noel.

And he had to be part of the club. So his name is Ezra. His name is Ezra. And we gave him that name because Ezra means help. And God was his help. God has been his help. And then there's a passage in Ezra that says that he, Ezra put his heart on God's word, not only to know it and to teach it, but to do it. And that's our prayer for our son, that he would be a true Ezra who doesn't just quote scripture, but he does it. And that God, he would always see God as his help.

Our third grandchild is a boy that was adopted through foster care, right out of the hospital. Very similar. They kept the first name that the mom had given and made that the middle name. And then they chose a different name.

But they loved the name the mom had given him was Timothy and all their middle names. It would be amazing to see too, because, you know, the verse you referenced in Ezra, I don't know the reference. I do know that it goes on to say, he studied the word, he did it, and then he taught it. I wonder if your son will be teaching it. Maybe.

Nana keeps calling him a seminary president. There you go. There he is. Yes. Well, let's talk about what's going on now.

Sure. Baby number four. So after we adopted Ezra, so Ezra is 10 years younger than our daughters. A little similar to Eric's story in that he has these older older siblings and we didn't want him to be alone. We wanted him to grow up with someone. So we knew we wanted to adopt again, really for Ezra to have someone to grow up with.

Yeah. We chose not to do foster care again because really the point of foster care is reunification. Our son's story was a little different because there was no one to be reunified with. But we knew that that wouldn't necessarily be the same with the next person. And I didn't want to be jealous for this child to stay with me.

I wanted to be genuine and working for reunification. So we decided to look into another form of adoption that a lot of people don't know about embryo adoption. In embryo adoption, what happens is when couples do IVF and they have embryos remaining. So sometimes maybe they'll have 10 embryos and they will transfer and maybe have a family of four. They have remaining embryos that are left that they don't have the capacity to bring into their family. So the choice is either to give these embryos to science, to discard them, to keep them frozen indefinitely, or to donate them to a couple who wants to have more children. There's actually a Christian ministry called the National Embryo Donation Center in Nashville, Tennessee. And they say, give us these embryos and we will really operate like this is a true adoption. So the couples have to be, they have to have a home study. They actually require that it be a man and a woman married for at least three years. And the woman has to go through extensive medical examination to make sure that they're giving the embryos the best chance at life. And then they encourage open adoption. So they want a relationship between the donating and the receiving family so that that child knows their full story. Oh, I didn't know that part. Yeah.

Interesting. Some couples donate anonymously and they say, we actually don't want that. And they'll receive that as well and it'll be a closed adoption, but they encourage open adoption.

So we went through this process. We were matched with two embryos that had been frozen for 21 years. And the parents unfortunately divorced at some point. The mom had some medical issues and wasn't able to carry any of the embryos they created. So she actually is not parenting any children on earth. They were so hopeful for life for these last two embryos. They were excited to be paired with us and both embryos were transferred in December. Sadly, the Lord did take one. One went straight home to heaven.

But the second is due in August. And this baby will be the only of all the embryos created. There were five of them created, will be, God willing, the only one to come into the land of the living. That is miraculous in many ways. And it's such a pro-life move. Yeah. And what a sweet gift. I didn't know the relationship between the donor.

Yes. Was that an awkward? What was that relationship like with getting to know this woman? Well, it's like any relationship. You're starting off not knowing the person. And so any DC has done a really good job introducing us and just kind of getting the ball started.

And there's a lot of paperwork involved, a bunch of notary signatures and all of those things to really help manage expectations on both sides. So that's where it began. And then they helped us with a virtual meeting.

Now that we've got all this stuff with Zoom and everything. So we got to meet the genetic parents. We got to meet them and we're keeping in touch via email. We did recently actually meet a genetic mom face to face.

So we're managing and figuring out the way forward. We've been greatly encouraged because our son Ezra, we're in touch with his biological family every two months or so. We try to hang out. His grandmother.

Yeah. And the whole family is, everyone that we've met, they've invited us to family functions and that kind of thing. And so because we've had that kind of relationship with them, we've been open to and are hopeful for and praying through a chance to have something similar, you know, I mean, as time and space allow, you know, because the genetic mom and dad are not really in the area in the way that Ezra's biological family is.

So it's a little different, but we're open and we're and we're hopeful and we want to maintain that for the sake of this child. So this little embryo is a life. It's a human life. Like every other.

Like we were. Exactly. And I'm sure many of these are discarded.

They're not even thought of as human life. So this organization is valuing life and pro-life. And you have decided to make sure that this little child is not just discarded. You're carrying this baby. You know what I think? I think of the gospel is spreading out as you two and your family, your girls, your son are impacting all of those around you.

How have you seen Jesus in this? Oh, yeah. Anne's point reminded me, I think there's like a million frozen embryos in the US.

Are there really? Yeah. In the US alone. At least.

At least. I did ask God for a scripture at some point because this is such a unique way to adopt a child. I'm giving birth to my adopted child.

Yeah. It's an amazing way to adopt a child. And you know, there was a moment where I just needed a passage to put my foot on for a foundation. And I remember praying for that. And that Sunday after my prayer, our pastor preached on Psalm 139. And verses 13 to 16 just, oh, it just struck me, especially I think like verse 15 that says, my frame was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my on-form substance. In your book were written every one of them. When I read that, I said, this embryo, this was before the transfer, and they're so little.

They're less than the size of the head of a pin. And yet, according to this passage, God already knows the on-form body of this person. And every single day of the life, the story that God is writing, God already knows it. And it struck me, what an honor to be woven into this story because I didn't have to be this person's mother. And yet, God in his mercy and his sovereignty has chosen me to be the mother, to carry this child and to give birth to this child. And it is just an honor to be part of the story that he's writing for this person. This makes me cry. What a beautiful plan of God.

Yeah. A picture of our adoption in Christ. But also for you guys, like you had years where you wondered, like you knew God was hearing, but to see in the way in which he's answered those prayers. And what would you say to those that are even considering, maybe they can't conceive themselves or how would you encourage those that maybe they've had several miscarriages and they feel so lost and alone?

What would you say to them? Infertility is so painful. It reminds me of the story of Hannah. You know, I always think how Hannah, God's name, Jehovah Sabaoth, the Lord of Hosts, that's the first place in scripture we read that title for God. And it means the General of Heaven, the Lord of Armies.

And you would think that that name would come at the Battle of Jericho or would come at the Red Sea when he's defeating Pharaoh. But it comes in the prayers of this little woman who is just begging God for a child. And it reminds me that he fights.

He fights for us in small and in big ways. And so that woman who is praying over the babies that she's losing and longing for, he's the General of Heaven and he hears you. He hears you. Infertility is so painful and so you just can't do anything about it because God gives life no matter how it comes.

So he hears you. But that prayer might be answered in a way that maybe you don't expect. Ultimately, you have to trust God.

You have to believe that he really is sovereign. I mean, all of the stuff that you hear about, you have to actually take it in and say, do I trust this? Do I believe what the Bible is saying? Or am I going to live according to what it feels like right now?

That's the ultimate end of it. But I think additionally, God has not left us by ourselves to figure it out on our own. We have the church. And the question is, am I going to avail myself of everything that the Lord is giving me? Or am I going to try and stick it out just me and my Bible and God? If you are suffering and feeling the pain of any kind of loss, I don't believe it's God's will to sit and suffer by yourself.

I think that's part of what community is for. That's part of what the church is for, what your pastors are here for, and what your brothers and sisters in the pew are here for. So, you don't know what kind of resources God has for you unless you are open to all of the resources God has for you.

And that includes the body of Christ. So, at some point, reaching out and being honest about your pain will reveal a lot more than what you on your own can figure out. Yeah, and it's just beautiful to think someday this little boy or girl, because you don't know what it is. It's going to be running around your church with 80-year-old grandmothers and others pouring into him or her because you gave them life. And I would remind our listeners, if you feel that nudge even as you're listening to this story, for foster care, for adoption, for adopting an embryo, start really praying into that and ask God to continue to reveal to you what He has for you.

Because there's a lot of little kids, little, little babies, a lot of little embryos that need a home. And Nana, let me just say thank you for this week. You have inspired all of us, your walk with God, your family. And Eric, thank you. I look at you and I think you are a mighty man to hear the words that Nana said about you.

I mean, that's what we're all longing for. And your marriage is a reflection of Jesus. So, thank you for your faithfulness. You have both inspired us. Thank you for this week.

Amen. Thank you for having us. I'm Shelby Abbott and you've been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Nana and Eric Dulce on family life today. Wow, what an amazing story. What an amazing time today of hearing how God has worked in both of their lives. You know, if you want to hear more from Nana specifically, she's written a book called The Seed of the Woman, 30 Narratives That Point to Jesus.

This book really acts as a description of the profound role of women in shaping the redemptive history of Scripture and finding your place in the unfolding story of Jesus Christ. And this book is going to be our gift to you when you give to family life today. You can get your copy right now with any donation that you make by going online to familylifetoday.com and clicking on the donate now button at the top of the page. Or you can give us a call with your donation at 800-358-6329. Again, that number is 800-F as in family, L as in life, and then the word today. And feel free to drop your donation in the mail if you'd like. Our address is family life 100 Lakehart Drive, Orlando, Florida, 32832. Now, coming up next week, we're going to explore the theological significance of diversity and humility with my friend, Recap Gray, and his wife, Brittany. That'll be next week. We hope you'll join us. On behalf of David Ann Wilson, I'm Shelby Abbott. We'll see you back next time for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a donor supported production of Family Life, a crew ministry helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.