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December 16, 2021 9:00 pm
We plan for the most important things in life. Have you considered making a plan to nourish your children's faith? Terence Chatmon champions parents to lead by example spiritually and mentor and train their children in the faith.
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So we sit down a lot of parents with little kids or even teenagers. We always ask him a question and most parents have never even thought of this question and I don't not answer the door. I'm going I think you can essay.
What's your plan or what are you trying to raise that. Yeah, the results of my parents. We talk about this and are no perfect parents book have never even asked the question what is my goal.
Welcome to family life today or we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most and will send it on Dave Wilson and you can find firstname.lastname@example.org or on our family life. This is family life today. If I could envision my son or daughter is a man or woman in her 20s or 30s or 40s. What kind of man or woman are they one of the most boring things we can do a family today and family life is help parents number one know what were the goal is to shoot for, and then have a plan to do it. So yeah yeah and so I'm not kidding we could have a better person the studio today to help us do that.
Terrence Chapman is back with us again to talk about spiritual formation in your family, parents, welcome back Grace.
Good to be glad to have you here in Orlando and I was very talking to you I said you know you previously, your man with the plan because what you've done with your family. I just want to review. I mean, the fact that you know your wife challenges you to say how we develop disciples of our kids and you not only take the challenge waiting she said any better have a plan in two weeks when starting at the how will they defend their faith as high schoolers and even college students. When were put into this world of everything is going against our faith, so she basically saying Terence what you and that she help you after that I been in those 14 days and she come back day to and say you need some help.
Are we on your own to sort of helpless Dave Ausley that was cooked miserably on the daughters of somebody 0054 I would say the way she help membership reform which I did a lot of you guys have been married almost 40 years all mental 346 grandchildren will be six grandkids was our youngest daughter deliver those twins. Yeah we talked previously about okay you develop the goal, mission, values, vision. I mean, again you've done that Coca-Cola and Johnson & Johnson are so different in your corporate life. But now, and the stakes are higher. I think our day. They are now. This is disciples of my own home and you said previously, the first thing you did was get on your knees and pray take us back there then you get off your knees and what how did you develop this plan that now hundred thousand families have been trained to go through with the ministry.
It's called your children belief and so think about this right.
All through the 66 books about what is God try to get us to do one he's introducing his son to us. He's introducing his plan from the very beginning. He says you are now at enmity with me because of the fall right and so I'm coming home to bring this whole thing back together with others what we have unity again and was the answer that is Christ Jesus. He tells us the plan from the very beginning that it's all about Christ as I thought about this coming off of my knees.
The vision that I saw was who this Christ was on the cross I saw on the cross what his pain. I saw his his sacrifice is surrender his will.
But you know what his great love for his creation and I thought, what else would be more the sweeter than the see my kids fall madly in love with this Christ uses thought we all long for his parent is because we know that's their help and our children can't believe without that image, and so as I thought about us. What was I rose off my knees and said, Lord, I don't know how to do this. I want to know how to do this. I think I know this and I tell you if you don't have a plan for your children. Someone else will. Hollywood has a plan, the Internet and all the discussions is taking place.
They have a plan educational system has a plan.
So if were not intentional. Would a plan and by the way, we are people of planners think about it. We have vacation plans. We have estate plans we have ministry plans we have business plan, we plan, can you ever imagine going on vacation without planning, just hop in the car.
I'm heading out to wherever and I'll see you when I get there. We never do that.
So why we try to raise kids in spiritual formation unity in the spirit without a plan. And yet, I think so many of us get afraid at that moment like why don't know where to start. I don't know what a plan would look like telehealth. My kids are interested yeah and my equipped to do this then you said start on your knees and so then you get a vision of the cross that you spend just sit down to Seo Canada right some ideas some curriculum. I mean, what are we going to go through walk through that so get this experience of sitting down on him. I'm like okay Lord, here I am using in a mighty way and I'm saying, see this happen.
This is a true story and not audibly but hear this voice and I can't use you don't you not equipped to move full. It was a crushing moment, but then he says something he says I can't use you the way that you are right now because you think it's about you you think is about the plan you're going to create.
You think it's about your mental capacity, but is not and there's four words that still stick with me today as I develop that plan. Those four words of this, I need you that's willing to sacrifice your will for my will I need a you this willing to surrender. I need a you that's going to be dependent on me and not you. And finally I needed you as humble. For those that humble themselves and seek his face, and that's what I need to do so is not about what I could create what I can develop what I can write down based on 20 years of experience in the corporate world. It was really about surrendering sacrifice great humility and dependency on him like those work.
I need to because that's our natural state of like okay what am I going to do and God saying at the that's the wrong question. The question is, what I'm I going to do through you and that's what you're saying at the state of surrender. That's exactly it.
And here's a frame thing I want all parents understand the city regardless of where you have a strong spiritual legacy, or maybe a first generation doesn't matter. I want you to understand this total for you can't go back and change the beginnings of what you can do is you can start where you are and change the ending and I had ending in mind is this vision that one day we will all unite in the heavens and the Lord would just this is a spiritual but it's just my vision.
Give it to me for minute I got the hill, he'll turn a hillside. He'll bring out a welcoming committee and imagine that welcoming committee that no one comes out your father, your mother, your brothers or sisters or children. Honestly guys it will still be an amazing day because you will be there would eternity with the Lord. But now, imagine that he turns and people that you have no idea comes out but starting with your own family members starting with your sons and your daughters and your fathers and brothers and sisters himself often that day to see a welcoming committee we call it the unity and the spirit was our aim that became the model unity in the spirit is our aim that we would walk here close to fine him and enjoying him forever. But that forever is not only this life, but eternity now is that sort of the end you had in mind for your visit.
Sons and daughters like when they're adults. I envision I'm hoping I'm dreaming and I'm in now I have a plan to help them get there to be what say it again, what were you dreaming your kids would be as adults recall the unity in the spirit that we would be together for not only this life, but eternity and we would be bound in spirit on this earth to glorify him and enjoy him forever. That's the purpose of life that we all long for an order to do that is about a relationship and I wanted to understand what this relationship was all about is not religion. It's not about what I do say I grew up under theology of hellfire and brimstone.
I thought it was about what I did and so II tried to do the right thing.
But guess what, you know how that turned out not to well right I want to do the right thing it is to know how something or something. I do know how was the problem, but here I am marching through what I call performance theology's about what I did to earn God's favor this religion and I want to teach my kids religion. I want to teach them the relationship with theology is done. Theology so hot is sovereign. He's a sovereign, the Lord of lords.
The King of Kings. The love and the grace and so I want to teach them that he saw her. This will restart which is so great to because earlier we talked about unit started out with sharing your story and your wife's story of you surrendering your lives to Jesus and what that looked like yes you think your kids shared their stories or maybe their lack of knowing Jesus.
At that point and I think that's a good way to start. So then let happen and you decide when we went back and I began to really come say Melanie put this in the paper in this vision will I cast a vision. Thereafter, my story and I hear her sarcastic vision. But that's unity in the spirit element is that humanity yeah so now I had a plan in terms of framework twice a month with sit down around the dinner table that we just can have a conversation and I wanted to build around those three things, and of the first years connection.
So we started the base of what we believe what we believe that how we going to incorporate that in our like there's a difference between belief and behavior and a commitment I want them to get to conviction, and so not just commitment what what does conviction look like right when we're living this out every day and we love it okay and I want to force any of this so much is because they will walk away and so they had to be you know what I call a mutual trust in a mutual vision of neutral journey together. And so I began to just lay out what my belief while I believe what I really believe this really real. Did I really say I want to live through is it I just remember the truth project with Dr. Dale Ptak and some other people do you really believe what you say you believe is really real, or what I really believe I believe he sovereign, I believe that he loves, as I believe his grace is sufficient. How I teach that and so I just began to look at verse after verse that he talks about his love and his grace and his mercy and that is endures forever, and we just began to get our first for five years. We say listen every year we want to be in God's work and so we start with the Old Testament actually restart working through Genesis all the way to revenue that it is a family read as a family and we use a daily Bible so each day we had readings.
It was short readings, typically 3 to 4 pages. We started rereading God's work at the dinner table at the dinner table together & is talking about right and so as we talked about it. We can't let what you hear, what is it mean to you how to apply to your life. How do we live this out as a family how we doing today what can we do better in these kids just bought into it right in high school I will need to gather middle school to high school. It says a lot about you Terrence and your wife minded that they're open to it, and they're interested. It says a lot about their trusting you and they're respecting you that you had built a relationship with them that they probably already been watching and seeing that in your marriage in your life that this is for real. It was so interesting you say that because one of the challenges we had was some will consider this a good thing. But basically we were idle to our kids bound and I say that humbly, but we had adjusted to reflect we have a Taurus with marriage and our kiss all that they saw the way we loved each other.
This all the way. We were available all the time. For them, and we support them in anything but. But we were we were becoming an idol.
As we later discovered like NS not good on one side but is not what we wanted to accomplish. What would you say to the family or the mom or dad that feel like I have not been doing anything.
Our marriage is been struggling and I disqualified to be. I have this kind of discipleship with my kids.
At this point, you know I always say we are always disqualified, but he qualifies us and so you know I want to take those handcuffs off the parents to feel inadequate, I want take the handcuffs off. Parents say know what to do and we know the right thing is you know the right thing is you call upon him, and you say Lord I'm not qualified, but you are equipped me well short guys.
He makes up for the locus years and in all the sudden those years that you think you haven't had very much fruit maybe haven't been as no intentional in this process. Don't let them get trapped there because he has in front of you. Years of just blessings and and we sing we sing that manifests itself when we just handed over an open arms and say Lord is not about us is not about what we do, say around the stone table is about you and it's all remember those words, dependency sacrifice, surrendering great humility. I like those words. He knows that he knows way more that idea right so I just feel release to his care, but would you say to the spouse that maybe he is listening right now going on. Amen. I want to do this, but their spouses like not interested home and we get that all the time. I have elevated hands right now you have the training and you wives a very little that planned this mark. They bring the husband that you're going to let it come to go to wait out they were gone. They end up in the works on and off the minute workshop you about know we find it is.
It is typically motivated and wives to seems to be that more spiritual mature audience some time but but at the end of the day what we find in our workshops or managers, weeping there weeping because they know that they have not been available. Responsible but again you know we want. We want parents to realize that they are responsible and they need to be equipped and he will equip you create that home environment that's conducive to kids learning in every moment is a teachable moment.
Look for that moment right and create that environment of love, love, oftentimes parents it was the secret bullet turns you was the one thing I will have one thing, but I come down there so you know, there might be one thing the teacher love well love your children well and let them know that their home is an environment of love and that he owes is often said that if they see how much you care ride.
They don't know how much you know.
So revenue what you care and saw feed off this is kind of funny story, but I realize something will my kids were younger. I knew everything. I was an absolute genius when they got into the teenage years. I'm sure you guys have heard this in know this may you know nothing right now I go from knowing something for nothing, and then the good news is in young adults there, back, you begin to know a little bit as they get older you will genius again when a cottage in the spritzer close to their own kids they realize, I think they did know something something you know much. We knew something so we created at home environment of love and care, and then we moved into widgets available to answer any questions and be there and you know what we don't have to be this Phi Beta Kappa Christianity was something that I don't know all had answer to that but here's another one and I ask you what if your spouse isn't on board. What if your kids aren't what if your dad and you have done this or mom and you say you know us start this. I know you seen us thousands of times could you train these families and your kids are like a not interested I'm in I don't want to be a part of this what he say give him a thirst.
Love give him a thirst. Loving is almost like when I want my kids to get involved in sports, play sports, coming up and that's just the way I bonded with my father and so forth. He had us out in the field playing something you have baseball. I love baseball and all that good stuff in and Dan was always available regardless ride but he gave me a thirst to love the game of baseball. He talked to me about history and we were third-generation in the cortical White Sox fan wields a lot of pain in the Chicago. So are you doing Detroit well you know a little bit of that pain.
Whereas, you know, but remember we had 100 and some years socks it will be better, but he gave with the servers to love whatever he introduced to us riding in this case, baseball, and so we want to give our kids a thirst to love God's word, and so we looked at every moment is that teachable moment so they can see his love and his grace and we started is never too early to start. We start a little later in our life. We had been talking to them about the labs they were following the law. We weren't doing all the disciplines, church, and so forth. But in terms of that intimacy. We wanted to start by showing the greatest intimacy of all, which is the love of the father answer this, how important is it for the children to see mom or dad or mom and dad living out what they're teaching is a critical step. So I'm sitting around doing all this teaching Bible study all this stuff or I don't think a fairly Laminate.
The other thing that they talked about years later in terms of that.
I knew you were serious. RCI was what is it we saw you worshiping in church, you never worship in church outline you can you just stand there like you have frozen chosen at some point we saw you worshiping in church and we knew you were serious, then get the worshiping in church a lot of a lot about those Bible studies out. So is worshiping insurers what they saw me live you doing that in just rejoicing and all of a sudden Ali must be serious right and so I just think about those days we think is something really sophisticated or some brilliant idea and the kids are just looking for that basic thing and that's that's real. He's living it out and and must be important to because now he's been fond horrible and I'm not one that used to be vulnerable.
I used to try to keep things close to the vest, you know, back when I grew up. Dad say whatever happens in the family stays in the family. We were in open and pleasant manner takes us a year to say her name anyway so were not as transparent.
Obviously you've trained you said over hundred thousand families over hundred thousand matters although I know you have a goal you don't forget I have a go back.
I've tried to stay away from the numbers that have yet we do have a 9.2 million go home at about 24 2 billion but that's really a goal. Now I really were in a position of the Lord is as open doors despite us into place if we never thought we be we just launched into Pakistan to look at was the fifth most persecuted country in the world were 2020 is Don Kovic's 19 is done is just took us into highways and byways and apartment buildings that we've never even thought about or certainly couldn't visit and so we were able to just reach I had done some training in Dubai, but a couple years ago and that opened the door to Pakistan, which is interesting enough are three largest countries today is Indonesia, India and Pakistan were just expand into Saudi Arabia and some countries, yet we been in France and Italy, and so forth. But these are places I couldn't physically visit but the book is taken out. There are training has now multiplying and going out but I think the bigger picture is the Lord is at work and likely always them a black beef and he does listen, you find out what the Lord's working in you joint right and that's our prayer.
We don't try to sell our way into some scenario, we simply say Lord where you working around the family, invite us into that and guess what, I'm finding the Lord's work and everywhere that Selena today in the days people around the world are longing to disciple their kids as well. They are thirst you know what I'm finding is parents. They're just afraid and you know if we if we fear failure. We do nothing. Yes, especially men. We fear failure will do nothing because we want to see everyone wants to be affirmed. Regardless of who you are.
They want their life the matter they want. You need to breathe in affirmation and took his life and that's what we wanted to do is breathing in affirmation and took his life through the gospel message in order. I believe for transformation to take place. You must get them into God's work. You must get them into the discipline of prayer. Just a conversation and you have to get them into worship with not just one Sunday you go 45 minutes. Let's talk about that worship service that the pastor sent 20 to 30 hours preparing right and you say you got IHOP somewhere and never mention it again to the family. What we want to do is engage our kids at every teachable moment and you know we know were all grandparents and in the studio that the window to impact your kids in your home is closing closing. It is gone before you know it yet report, Mencius really quickly, something around that because those years are critical between the age of three and 13 years of age. Borrower has said hey between those ages of three and 13 kids are shaping the biblical worldview now listed as traumatic experience. It happens in life that worldview will be changed, but that 3 to 13 age areas critical. So with that being said, we really wanted to plant the seed doing those formidable years.
Right now you know were still going to workshops every other week eight and nine were diving into the year commission were training parents around the world and go to victorious I will US Victoire's family got a work of Starwood are seven-day, prayer.we map out seven days. Very simple. Our process is keep it simple, repetitive and consistent. And so we can we keep it simple will have to create this long thing but simple but powerful, impactful and transformational and were trying to build a transformational sustainable generational movement, not a program that all I would add to what you said is there today start to don't wait till tomorrow. You can change the future right now and I'm telling you today's the day do not think there is a meeting with essence how you're doing. Thank you. On our website of family life to a.com.
We've got a link to Terrence Chapman's website victorious family where you can find the resources he was just mentioning and I think the point is clear. What's a step you can take today a simple step in the right direction. Maybe it's as easy as opening the Bible at the next family meal and saying I just want to read a few verses and just let us think about these and starting to make that a practice that mealtime maybe it's something in relation to bedtime or at the start of the day, but these simple, repeatable practices are powerful in our children's lives and in shaping our families. Terrence has written a book called do your children believe it's a book we got in our family life today resource Center.
You can go to family like today.com to find out more, or call one 800 FL today if you'd like to order a copy again. Our website is family life to a.com. You can also call 1-800-358-6329 to get a copy of Terrence Chapman's book to your children believe call one 800 F as in family L as in life, and then the word today. You know, it's hard to think but we will be on the edge of the new year in just two weeks at Christmas is next week. New Year's is coming up quickly. We have just couple weeks here at family life that are gonna be determinative for what happens in 2022. Our mission at family life is to do all we can do to effectively develop godly marriages and families.
We believe godly marriages and families can change the world one home at a time and we know that many of you resonate with that mission. You support that mission because we hear from you throughout the year and particularly here at year-end, but I just have to tell you the donations we received between now and the new year will be very significant in shaping what this ministry is able to be undo in the months ahead.
And so were asking every family life to a listener of God is use this ministry in your life this year. If you believe in the mission of family life to would you go online or call and make a donation year-end donation to good things will happen. First of all, your donation will be matched dollar for dollar up to a total of $1.5 million. We've had some friends of the ministry put together a matching gift fund they've agreed to match every donation that comes in. So if you give $100.
We get $100 from a matching gift fund and in addition to your donation being matched dollar for dollar working to send you a thank you gift. It's a new book from Dana Portland to devotional from the book of Psalms hundred and 50 devotions to help you start the new year with your heart and mind focused on God's word. The book is called in the Lord.
I take refuge, it's our thank you gift when you make your donation and you can do that today go to family life to a.com or call one 800 FL today, we look forward to hearing from you and we hope you'll pray for us that we are able to take full advantage of this matching gift here in the next two weeks. Thank you for that and we hope you have a great weekend.
Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend and we hope you can join us on Monday when we want you to meet Melissa Oden is a powerful story of growing up knowing that her mom wanted to abort her will hear from her.
How that knowledge marked her life, her identity and about God's work in her own heart. I hope you can tune in for all about on behalf of our hosts Damon and Wilson. I'm Bob Lapine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of family life.
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