The Grumbler’s Guide to Giving Thanks - Dustin Crowe

In the Bible, we're told that in everything we are to give thanks.

How do you do that? When we give thanks, it actually warms our heart toward Him. And we are reminded that God is blessing me day after day, sometimes in small ways and sometimes in big ways. So I think we actually need that positive element of taking the step to tell Him thank you because what it does for us, not what it does for Him.

Welcome to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chabon, author of the New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" . Today, pastor and author Dustin Crowe says it's easier to grumble than be grateful that you and I can reclaim this lost spiritual discipline. And there are many positive results that come from choosing gratitude. We're going to find out more about that today as we talk with Dustin. Our featured resource at FiveLoveLanguages.com is a new book titled The Grumbler's Guide to Giving Thanks, Reclaiming the Gifts of a Lost Spiritual Discipline.

Again, you can find out more at FiveLoveLanguages.com. Gary, I don't think of you as a grumbler. To me, you're kind of a glass half full person. But you have had some situations where it was hard to choose gratitude, I would think.

Is that right? I've had a few of those, Chris. I think my first one was when my girlfriend broke up with me. When I was in high school and went off to Moody Bible Institute, she sent me a Dear John letter. And I grumbled, and I grumbled with God. You know, God, I love that girl, you know. I asked God to change her mind.

That's a prayer I'm glad God did not answer, you know. Yeah, and then later on, you know, I met my wife and got married. I grumbled about things like the way she loads a dishwasher, and the way she did not close doors and drawers, and a whole lot of other stuff, you know. I did my fair share of grumbling through the years. You know, now as I'm getting older, I'm doing less grumbling, you know. I think things are a little bit different. I think things are, you don't see as many things as you get older. And then since Carolyn had cancer eight years ago, you know, I just thank God every time I see the dishwasher, the way she loaded it, that she's still there to do it, you know.

And every time I see the doors open, I'm just glad she's still in the kitchen. You know, that's an interesting dynamic, Gary, because I think a lot of people in the culture look at older people, older than them, and they think, well, you know, there's a gloomy Gus or a grumbling old older person. I think, I don't know that that comes naturally.

I think you have to work at not being a crabby in your outlook. What do you think? Yeah, I think so. I think it's a choice, you know. And as I said, you know, sickness and trauma and those kind of things kind of put it all in perspective for you. And you realize that the things that often you've grumbled about are not really all that important in the light of the big picture. And so you're far more likely to look for the positive things and be thankful for things.

So yeah, I don't think it has to do with age. I think it really has to do with attitude. And as Christians, of course, we're all in the process of growing. We hope to become more and more and more like Christ. And the more we see things from His perspective, I think, the more likely we are to be thankful.

Well, if you're listening today and you feel like, maybe I am a grumbler or you have a grumbler in your life, I hope you'll pay attention to what Dustin Crowe has to say. He's got several things in common with Dr. Chapman. They're both pastors. They're both graduates of Moody Bible Institute. They're both authors.

And probably a few more things we'll find out today. Dustin studied at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School as well. He serves as the pastor of discipleship at Pennington Park Church in Fishers, Indiana.

That's right outside of Indianapolis. Dustin and his wife have a daughter who never grumbles. And you can find out more about him at fivelovelanguages.com. Well, Pastor Crowe or Dustin, welcome to Building Relationships. Thanks for having me on. I appreciate it. I'm always interested to find out why people choose the topics they write about.

So how about you? What was the impetus for this book on gratitude? Yeah, there are always a lot of things behind writing a book, a lot of factors that go into it. But for me, a couple of big ones that stood out. One is that I needed it.

So I'm definitely not the optimist glass half full guy. I have a grumbling spirit, and I know that. And so I wanted the chance to think about it more, to practice it, and to write about it.

It kind of forces you to practice what you preach or what you write. And so when I had done things on Thanksgiving in the past, I noticed that time period had benefited me, and so I wanted that chance again. So really personal need was the first one.

I wasn't writing as an expert, but as someone in the same who had needs. So that was one. And maybe another big one was I did a study on Thanksgiving. It was both for seminary, but also for my local church. And what I was trying to do was compare what are spiritual disciplines that are not talked about much today in the church culture, whether books or sermons, and yet it feels like they're talked about a lot in the Bible.

So I did that comparison. And to me, two things stood out. One was Thanksgiving, and the other was confession. Both of those are big disciplines for God's people in the Bible, and yet not talked about as much today. And so I wanted to figure out why is that going on and kind of lean into that and teach for the church, because I didn't see a lot of books on biblical Thanksgiving.

There are a lot of books on gratitude in general, but not a lot that go in depth with what is biblical Thanksgiving. Yeah, I like that. Well, let me ask you, did writing the book help you? I hope so.

You'd have to ask my wife. All right. I do think that, at least for me, writing a book on any topic, I always grow in the process, because you always realize when you dig into it, you're not exactly where you thought you might have been on the topic. So that's great. Yeah, it reveals your weaknesses, but yeah, it just keeps it in front of you of how important this is. You think about it.

You get the chance to practice it. So it definitely does change you, and I've appreciated that. There's, you know, for the listener, there's often a gap between when you write a book and when it comes out, and that was true for me. So there's actually about a year gap, and in that year I noticed crumbling again, and so when it was actually published and I got my copy, I had to re-read my own book to help my grumbling heart again.

So it's something I keep fighting, but it definitely has helped me to keep these things in mind. That's great. It's good, isn't it, to read your own book and then say, hey, this is good stuff.

I got to listen to it. Yeah, some of it, yeah. Yeah. Well, now you have to believe that we can cultivate gratitude if we don't come by it naturally, or you wouldn't have written this book, right?

That's right. Yeah, and for me, one of the things that I had done in the past, I started this about four years ago, is I would take one month and I would do what I call the Thanksgiving challenge. So every day I would read verses from the Bible on either positively, like Thanksgiving, or some that tell us not to grumble, or examples of grumbling in the Bible. And so I'd read about it, but then I'd also practice it. And so every day for a month, I'd write down at least five things that I was thankful for and pray those back to God. And so part of that is the daily habit, that practice, it does help it get into your bones a little more. It moves from just a practice you're trying to do, to an actual posture of the heart. And so I think like most disciplines, the more you do it, the more it does become a part of you.

And so it can be cultivated over time. So that's the good news. If you're not a natural, grateful person, if you are a grumbler, a fellow grumbler, you can work against that by developing the habit. Yeah, and that's good. I'm hoping that our listeners are hearing that, because I really believe that if you begin to do some of the things you're talking about, the more you practice a discipline, the more it becomes a part of who you are. And of course, the Spirit of God is also with us when we're moving in his direction, right? That's right. Yeah, it's something he's encouraged us to do.

He's going to help us do it then. Well, in 2020, our country experienced some unusual challenges, to put it mildly. And there are a lot to grumble about. Do you think that grumbling got worse in our culture during 2020?

What are your thoughts? Yeah, from my advantage, it seemed to get worse. You know, we struggle with grumbling every year. But in 2020, it felt more prevalent, you know, in conversations with people inside the church, outside the church, on social media news, wherever you were, you're hearing a lot of frustration and complaining. And so I do think it got worse.

And part of that is understandable. It was a hard year. There are a lot of challenges and difficulties and trials. But I also think we maybe we got so trapped in the bad news, and we weren't thinking enough about the good news. We were so focused on the problems and the difficulties, and maybe not enough about what God was doing, and the blessings he has provided, and who he is in the midst of trials. And so I think when we get our eyes off of who God is, and what he's doing, and really stuck on the difficulties of today, that's when grumbling takes over.

And it did feel like 2020. We kind of went down that path, unfortunately. Yeah, that was certainly my observation. Everywhere I turn, people are grumbling about not just the virus, but how the local officials were handling the virus. And oh my goodness, as you said, there was a lot to grumble about if you wanted to grumble. Well, let's define the term now. We all have some idea, some concept of what we mean by grumbling. But what is your definition of grumbling? Yeah, I think grumbling is just this inner complaint or protest. Usually there's a bad temper behind it. Maybe a picture that helps, and early on Chris said, my daughter never grumbles, and unfortunately that's not true. Recently she started doing this thing where when we ask her to do something, like at bedtime, I'll say, it's time to go to bed. And she just grunts, she'll grumble. And that's kind of the heart attitude we give. It's this, ah, I don't want to do this.

I don't like this. I'm kind of throwing up our hands in protest for what God has actually brought into our lives. So that's, for me, what grumbling is.

And maybe to distinguish that, lately I've been reading Exodus and Numbers, which are great books. But in Numbers, you see a lot of grumbling from Israel. They complain about the manna. They complain about Moses. They complain about the wilderness. And really it's a heart that doesn't trust God.

But that's different. In Exodus 2, it talks about them groaning. And their groans are actually crying out to God, but they're doing it in a trustful, asking for God's help manner. And so both times there are trials, but in Exodus 2, their groan comes up to God out of, Lord, you're the one who can help us. Versus Numbers, the grumbling is, okay, God, we don't like this and we're not going to accept it.

And so it's a different posture of the heart. One of the things that I love about FiveLoveLanguages.com, you can take a quiz about your love language, find out what your spouse's love language is, maybe your kids. But I wonder if there's a grumbling quotient. And I've been looking at this book by Dustin, and he has included a short quiz to test where you land on a spectrum from grateful to grumbling.

So listen to some of these questions and let's see where you fit. Do you, number one, do you more often, A, remember God's blessings in your life, or B, forget them? I'll write down B on that one. Number two, when things don't go your way, do you typically respond A, in gratitude, or B, by grumbling? Three, do you see thanksgiving as an essential spiritual rhythm for Christians, A, or B, something that's great to do when you remember it but unnecessary? One more, would you say you tell God thanks, A, daily, or B, less than daily?

There are a number of these questions and I'll just stop right there, Dustin. What do these point out to us? Yeah, they can help us be a little bit more honest about ourselves. I mentioned that I'm a glass half empty kind of guy, but to be honest and a little self-confession, I'm probably a glass half full when it comes to how I evaluate my own heart.

I tend to think I'm doing better than I am. And so these questions aren't meant to make us feel guilty or beat us up, but they can reveal responses that indicate grumbling. So they're kind of like that blinking light in your car that give you a warning.

It might not be that your car is going to blow up, but you probably need to change the oil. And that's what these questions are meant to help prove. I think those kind of questions certainly will help us identify kind of where we are. And we don't often reflect, you know, stop long enough to reflect on, am I a grumbler or am I expressing gratitude? This word gratitude, is it just simply being polite? You know, as a Christian, you know, we should be thankful, so we thank a person if they do something for us. Is that the heart of it or is it deeper than that?

I think it's deeper. I do think a lot of us as Christians, that's kind of our common approach to it. You know, growing up I was told by my parents, and this is a good thing to teach your kids, but I was told, you know, if you're at Christmas or birthday and somebody gives you a gift, the polite response is to tell them thank you.

Even if I didn't like the gift, even if it was an ugly sweater that I would never wear and was embarrassed about as a kid, I had to do the polite thing and say thank you grandma. And I do think sometimes we approach God that way, that yeah, we know God is God and he provides for us and he blesses us. And so then we need to do the polite thing, mind our manners and tell him thank you. And I don't think that's what biblical thanksgiving is. That feels a little bit more like a tax or a bribe. Okay God, you do your part, you bless and I'll do my part.

I'll pay my tax of giving you things. But when you read the Bible, you don't see that kind of heart attitude. When you see people giving things, it's a kind of from their freewill offering in the Old Testament. That's what the thanksgiving offering was. Out of the abundance of their joy and their gratefulness, they choose to tell God thank you. And maybe if you think in terms of somebody who has ever given you a gift that you really appreciated and you liked and maybe you could see that they made a sacrifice, you don't have to be told, okay, you need to do the polite thing and tell them thank you.

It comes out of you. You are thankful to them. And I think that's what biblical thanksgiving is. You know, we do a lot of thanksgiving around holidays. You know, we just celebrated earlier thanksgiving and then Christmas. And during those times, we kind of focus on giving thanks. You mentioned that, you know, thanking the people that give you Christmas gifts and that sort of thing. But do you think most of us really understand what the holiday is all about in terms of thanksgiving and why we're giving thanks and for what we're giving thanks?

I don't think so. I think we miss out. And for me, and thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, but we do limit it to that one day. We see it as a seasonal thing.

Even when I was writing the book and I would tell people, they'd say, what are you writing about? I'd say, thanksgiving. And the assumption was, oh, is that for like thanksgiving day or November? And I'd say, well, you know, thanksgiving is a much bigger practice in the Bible than just one day. It's not a day.

It's an actual discipline. And then it's not only that, but it's more than just blessings. It's not only listing the things. I'm thankful for health and family and church and kind of get stuck there, but it's actually being thankful for the many things God does in our life and who He is, even in hard times. And so I think, again, our view of thanksgiving is a day and really just the blessings we can name right off the top of our head, as opposed to this discipline that we're cultivating in good times and in bad times. Yeah. Now the title of the book includes the words, the lost spiritual discipline. Explain what you mean by that.

Yeah, the language of lost. Again, for me, I've noticed that this isn't something we talk about a whole lot in our churches or when we read sermons or books. You just don't see as much emphasis on giving things as a regular spiritual discipline. Again, we think, okay, if God does a clear unmistakable work in our life, if there's a blessing that's just so big, then we give things.

And we know that, but it feels like those are pretty far and few. And so it's not a regular part of our life, as opposed to saying, okay, just like every day I need to be praying to God and asking for help, just like every day I need to be confessing my sin and going to the gospel to get grace and sustenance for today. So also on a daily basis, I need to give thanks for who He is and the ways He will take care of me today and has a good plan for me.

And so that's why I'm using the language of lost. Not that we don't know we should give things, but maybe we don't know how powerful it is and how regular of a practice it could be in our life. Yeah, I think you're right about that. I think we just kind of take it for granted that so many things, good things happen to us, but we're not always even conscious of thanking God as we move along throughout the day. Now, you mentioned earlier that many times when we think of gratitude, we think about, you know, thanking God for good health and family members and church and family and so forth. But is gratitude only supposed to be about the good things that come in our lives? It's not. It's for the good things.

It's for the mountaintop, and it's also for the valley. And the very last chapter of my book, I have the title Gritty Gratitude, and that's what I'm trying to cover there is the reality that it's easy and it's good to start with the blessings. You know, I'd rather give thanks for the fact that God has kept my car running than on the days where something breaks and I have to take it in. So it's easier to give thanks for the clear blessings. But even on those hard days, there are a lot of things that we can give thanks for. And so the Bible tells us in 1 Thessalonians and Ephesians 2, give thanks in all circumstances.

It's in all circumstances. Paul doesn't write, hey, give thanks when it's really easy or give thanks when the blessings are flowing. He says, give thanks in all circumstances. And that's because, you know, our rejoicing, it's not based on the goodness of today, but it's based upon who our God is. It's based on the fact that He is still good. He is still faithful. He is still kind. And so when we rest and who He is and not just the blessings, we're reminded that we can be thankful every single day.

Yeah. I like the distinction you made earlier when you were talking about exodus in numbers. You know, they were grumbling about all kinds of things that God wasn't doing for them and didn't do them for them. And you made a distinction between grumbling and groaning. And the groaning was they were coming out of their pain, but they were still reaching out to God, you know, and focusing on Him and what He has done and is going to do for them, rather than grumbling about what they didn't like. I like that distinction.

Yeah, and probably the biggest conversation since this book has come out, the number one question is, well, what are you telling me? Are you saying we just have to sweep everything under the rug, pretend it's not bad, only think about the positive things? And so what I've tried to clarify is, we have room in hard days, both to lament and to give things.

And you can actually do both together. And I think lament is kind of that groaning. And we can do that while we give things. And David often does that.

In Psalm 35, we see in verse 17 that David actually asked the how long, O Lord question. That's his lament. And then in the very next verse, verse 18, he says, I will thank you in the great congregation. So David gives us this model of both groaning or lamenting, and yet also giving thanks, because we trust that even in these hard things, God is still good, faithful, kind, He sees and He knows. And He's with us. That's one of the big things in the midst of difficulty. Thank you, God, that you're with me as I walk through this.

Yeah. Now, you say that there are four aspects or features of biblical thanksgiving. Let's talk about those and what they tell us about a biblical perspective on thanksgiving.

Yeah, and I don't mean to, when I talk about four features, it's not that you have to be very careful. Okay, this is step one, let's really dissect thanksgiving. But as we kind of zoom out and we look at it, I think thinking in terms of these four features does help us see the dimensions of biblical thanksgiving.

And sometimes we might be missing one or two, at least I know I am. And so the first one is just being thankful. And so if you want to give thanks, you do have to recognize, here's a reason to give thanks. And so here is a gift, or here's a blessing, or here's a truth about who God is, or here's a promise in the word, like you just mentioned, a promise that no matter what we go through, God promises to be with us. So we have to recognize here's something to give thanks for.

So that's kind of the first step. But then the next one moves us from something to someone. So we're not only thankful, but we're actually thankful to a person, we're thankful to God. And this is where I think a lot of our, you know, cultural discussions of thanksgiving break down. Even around the holiday of thanksgiving, people talked about, I'm thankful for these things, and they give their list, but they don't recognize, well, if you're thankful for something, there has to be a person behind it. And so biblical thanksgiving moves from stuff to someone.

It moves from the gifts to the giver. And so that's the key second step is going from thankfulness to thankfulness to God. A third feature, and I think we might assume it, but if we're thankful to God, we actually need to express that. It's called thanksgiving, not thanks feeling. And again, I know for me, sometimes I might feel thankful. I might be glad that I have a blessing in my life. And I'm kind of aware of that, but I never talk about it, or I don't pause to actually tell God, God, thank you for this blessing that you have provided in a very specific way this week, or that you brought encouragement when I needed it, because I was weary this week. But in the act of expressing it, you start to find joy in it.

You start to actually meditate on it and you see it for what it is. So that's the third part is actually just telling God, thank you. And then the fourth, and for me, this is in the book kind of the biggest aspect of thanksgiving I think sometimes we miss, it's that this whole process of thankfulness to God should lead to joy in God. And so I'm not suggesting or saying that just the giver is more important than the gift, but I'm trying to say that the gifts actually tell us about the giver. And so as we practice giving thanks for specific things, again, whether that's a blessing, or even a truth about who God is we need in the trial, when I give thanks to for those things, I'm reminded who he is, I see him more clearly, I recognize his hand. And so it's actually a revelation of who God is. And that's why I think in the Bible so often, thanksgiving is tied to joy, because when we give thanks to God, we see again, oh, this is who he is.

And this is what he's like. And we find joy through this intimacy and fellowship and worship. So those are the four features I talk about. Dustin, you use the term in the book, grateful remembrance. Can you explain what that means and the role that remembering plays in thanksgiving? Yeah, remembering in the Bible is such a powerful word or concept. And sometimes today, when we think of remembering, we only think in terms of recalling the facts.

And so it's kind of a dry, cold thing. But in the Bible, when it talks about remembering, it's a pretty dynamic concept. It's actually that you're participating again, and things that you know are true. One way to think about that is, you know, my wife and I, when we have our anniversary, there are two different ways to remember. One is simply to recall the facts.

If I tell her, hey, it's our anniversary, happy anniversary. And that's the end. That's recalling the facts.

And that's probably not going to go very well for me. But there's another way of actually remembering, where it causes me to engage in the realities of those vows in a different way. And so I say things that are meaningful. I try to do something special.

We go out on a date and not just another night at Chick-fil-A, but maybe we splurge a little bit. And so it's remembering in such a way that we re-enter into those truths, and then it actually affects us and changes us. So that's kind of what the Bible has in mind when it talks about remembrance.

And so when I use language of grateful remembrance, I think that's one way we give thanks. It's by actually looking back, and we remember how God has been faithful. So we look back to the trials that we've walked through, and we say, God, I didn't know how I was going to make it through, but you did sustain me, and you kept me through.

And maybe you've even used that in my life through this season. And so you look back, and you actually recall that God was good in the past, and so now I can trust that God will be good today, and God will be good tomorrow. And you see this again throughout the Psalms. David especially does this a lot, where he'll actually recount the history of Israel.

Psalms 105 to 107 are good examples. He'll walk through their history as a reminder that time and time again, when they were unfaithful, God was kind and merciful and good. And David does that not just to give thanks, but to give thanks and to have trust and hope in the future, because we're so often facing trials, facing difficulties. And so when we look back with thanksgiving, it actually builds more trust and faith in the present that God will continue to be who he was. Well, that remembrance thing is huge, isn't it, in the Bible?

And often Israel didn't do that. You know, it reminded me that some time ago, I said to my assistant, I'm going to take off Thursday. I'm going to go back to my hometown, and I'm going to remember my mom and dad and my sister, which is my whole family, immediate family.

And I did. And I walked by the house that we used to live in and talked to the people who live there now. And I went to the cemetery, and I reflected on my mom and my dad and my sister and all that. It was just a whole day of remembering and giving thanks to God for all those memories, you know, that I had of them.

So yeah, I certainly identify with that one. And I can say, in the past, there's a whole lot of stuff that we can remember and give thanks for. But now, you know, I meet a lot of people who are not real big on thanksgiving, and they say, well, you know, if I just don't grumble, you know, I don't complain. I just kind of take things as they come, but why do I have to say thanks for everything? Yeah, it'd probably be it's better to not say anything than to grumble. So I guess that's a better place than having an actual grumbling heart or that says complaints. But it's definitely not the same as being a thankful, grateful person.

And so often for me, human illustrations make this clear. And so again, I think in terms of my wife, I think she would I think she would receive things different if I just say, well, I'm never going to actually affirm her. I'm never going to tell her thank you. But I'm also not going to complain.

Now, we wouldn't have as many fights, but she's not going to feel loved or appreciated or cherished. But if I actually notice what she does, if I notice the things she's doing, and I tell her, thank you for doing that, I noticed she went out of her way. And I appreciate that. That draws us together. And so thanksgiving isn't because God needs it. But when we give thanks, it actually warms our heart toward him, that we are reminded of who he is. And we are reminded that God is blessing me day after day, sometimes in small ways, and sometimes in big ways. And so I think we actually need that that positive element of taking the step to tell him thank you, because what it does for us, not what it does for him.

Yeah. Well, what are some of the practical benefits of giving thanks? I think one is it does help us fight even anxiety and fear. So often for me when I'm struggling with worry, fear, anxiety, it's because I noticed this problem in my life. And I see the problem and it grows bigger and bigger and bigger. And when I give thanks, it's not that the problem goes away.

But it starts to shrink. I just have a different perspective because as I give thanks, I'm recalling who God is, that he is big, and he is strong, and he is kind, and he is in control. And so giving thanks doesn't remove the problems, but it changes our perspective on problems.

It helps us see God is big and some of those problems as a little smaller. So it's one of the ways when I'm feeling anxious or I'm worried, I actually go to Thanksgiving to fight. Another would be discontentment. And I know for me again, in our social media age, it's so easy to be discontent. I see other people's stories on Instagram and Facebook, and it feels like, man, they have so many good things going for them. Feels like they're always vacationing.

Feels like their kids are just so well behaved. And then our hearts can not only grumble, but we become discontent. Well, why don't I have more of that?

Or why do they have all of these things? And then when we fight that, when we choose to give thanks, it's a reminder, oh yeah, I do have so many good things. And I do have areas where God is providing me. And God might not have an actual different plan for me right now. And that's okay, because he is wise. He knows what he's doing. And so I think it helps us fight discontentment as well.

So those would be a couple just very practical benefits. I want to ask you a question, Gary. I want to turn around on you because this is, you know, opposites attract and love languages of one.

You usually look for somebody or find someone who's different than you are. So my question to you is, do grumblers and thankful people attract each other? I don't know, Chris. I'm sure that there are a number of people out there who would tell you, well, it surely happened for us. But I don't know that there's a pattern there or not.

I haven't done any research on that one. But we all know, listen, all of us grumble about something from time to time. But there are people, which you talked about earlier, Dustin, that really it's kind of their bent. I mean, they're just kind of bent to grumble about things. And if you're around them, whatever's going on around them, they're going to complain about it. You know, that's just who they are.

And many times they are married to people that are much more positive, which I think is a blessing for the person, for the grumbler, because at least the other person might help them see the sun shining, you know, in the midst of their own darkness. So I don't know. But anyway, wherever we are, we need to be making progress. And that's what this book's all about.

And that's what we're talking about. So let's get practical. And let's talk, Dustin, about some of the fun ways that families can help their kids practice Thanksgiving and learn how to be thankful. Yeah, I think that's one of the benefits of Thanksgiving is it can be a fun thing, and you can do it together.

You know, all of the spiritual disciplines are good. But some of them might feel a little bit more individualistic, or even a little dry, if I'm allowed to say that. But Thanksgiving is often a fun thing to do. And you can do it easily with other people. So yeah, if you have a family, depending on the ages, some of these ideas might work better than others. But one thing our family has done is we'll often do like a Thanksgiving tree.

So you can actually get limbs from your yard, or you can just find a poster board. And then you find sheets of paper, and you just write every day, here's one thing I'm thankful for, and you put it up. And so again, it cultivates that habit.

But it's also nice to see the growth. Over the course of a month, as you see more and more things written down, it's a reminder of how many blessings you have. And you can even read through them again, to find encouragement. So you can do that with a tree, you can do that with a poster board, you can do that with just a journal.

So there are lots of different ways you can do that. If you have little kids, you can even do a gratitude chain. And so we've done this with our toddler where we write something she's thankful for a piece of construction paper, and then we turn it into a chain and we link them up. And so over the course of a couple weeks, you see the chain of Thanksgiving getting longer and longer.

Those are a couple easy things. I think another one would just be to kind of leverage our time together. So if you do breakfast, or you do dinner as a family, or even with friends, and you can do this with your small group or Bible study, just start asking that question of what's one thing you're thankful for today, and ask everyone to share. And so I think that's another good one we can do as family members, or as a small group, or even as a church. It's just asking others, what are you seeing God do?

And what are you thankful for? And then we get the chance to be encouraged by one another. So those are a couple small things. I like those ideas. You know, one of the things I've sometimes suggested to families is, especially if they're complaining, if the kids are complaining about things, want everybody to go to your room and make a list of five things in your room that you're thankful for. You can include the bed, and the chair, and whatever's in your room. Five things you're thankful for in your room. You know, starting out with things, you know, but it does continue to build the concept that there's a whole lot of things to be thankful for.

So yeah, I think these are practical ideas that help families. Charles Burgin actually recommended in his book, The Practice of Praise, he did a similar thing. He would say, whatever room I'm in, so whether it's his office or if he was outside, he says, walk around for five minutes and just pray, and kind of everything you see gives thanks, and also let it kind of jar those memories. So if you're in your family room, the dinner table is a reminder of meals we've had, God's provision in the meal, family members we love, people that have been in our house that we've cared for. So it's a similar idea of walking around and just praying.

Yeah, yeah, great. All right, Dr. Tamman, I'm not gonna let you off the hook, because I asked you, if grumblers and thankful people attract each other, I want you to go to a similar question, and that is, if I am married to a grumbler, or if a thankful person is married to me and I grumble, can a spouse change a grumbler into a thankful person? Because you've said on this program, time and time again, you can't change your spouse, you can't change another person.

So what do you do, and I want to hear Dustin answer this too, but you first, what do you do with a grumbling spouse? Well, I think one thing you can do in trying to be a positive influence is not preach to them, not hit them over the head with, you know, stop grumbling, I've heard enough of this grumbling, but to smile and maybe even laugh and say, you know, you're really good when you grumble, you are a good grumbler. Now, tell me one thing that you're thankful for, you know, and just the fact that you laughed, you made it a humorous thing, and then you ask them to give you one thing they're thankful for. It just kind of, to me, it's kind of a humorous way, kind of breaks the ice, it's not preaching to them, it's having a little fun, but it's also reminding them, you know, there's something to be thankful for here.

How would you answer that, Dustin? I like what you said, and I do think it helps to not try to guilt people into gratitude, but woo them, like you mentioned. So I think, you know, whether it is grumbling or gratitude, it does seem like it spreads. And so I think if you take on the posture of, I'm going to, I'm going to continually give things, whether my spouse does that or not, hopefully over time, they'll notice that and they'll be kind of wooed into that and saying, man, when they give things, I notice joy in them, or I notice they have a different perspective on God. But like you mentioned, sometimes that might include asking the question of, hey, what is one thing you're thankful for? What's one thing you see God doing in our life right now?

Or what's one thing you saw in the Word this week? Any of those questions, just to prompt the praise, which changes the hard attitude very quickly. You know, interesting, Gary, you've hit on an irony, and that is that the person who is a thankful person and listening to grumbling can grumble about the grumbler. And so what you're saying is you flip that around and you as the thankful person, you'd be thankful for the grumbler in your life and move into that person's life with, and maybe even you say that, you know, I'm thankful that you're able to see all of these things that I haven't seen that are wrong with the world. And so in a sense, you woo them by showing them how grateful that you are that they're in your life. Yeah, and I think, you know, by nature, we do exactly what you said, Chris. That is, we grumble about their grumbling, because we're tired of hearing all the negativity. But that doesn't help, you know, that just creates a chasm between the two of you. But if you can, keep it light, but say something about the positive part of their grumbling, and then turn it to Thanksgiving. Seems to me that would be a really positive thing.

Yeah, let me jump in there. I think a good example for me is Paul. And when he writes these letters to the churches, these are imperfect churches. They often have a lot of problems.

There's conflict, there's false teaching. But what always amazes me is Paul, and you see this, Colossians is a great example. When he starts his letter, he says, I thank God when I think of you. So rather than grumbling and saying, when I think about this church, I think about all the problems and the frustrations and what am I going to have to put in this letter. He doesn't go there immediately. He immediately goes to I thank God when I think of you. And so Paul models, I notice God's good work of creating faith, hope and love. And it's not that the church is perfect, but he kind of focuses first on the reasons to give thanks rather than their reasons to grumble. Yeah, yeah, that's that's pretty powerful. You mentioned earlier the concept of journaling, and listing maybe some things in a journal.

Anything else you'd like to say about that? For me, it's probably the easiest place to begin. And if you want to grow in Thanksgiving, if you see, okay, I don't have to be as much of a grumbler as I am, I see that Thanksgiving is an important spiritual discipline, and I see that Thanksgiving is an important spiritual discipline, I want to change even if just a little.

I think the easiest place to start is with a journal. And that can be a, you know, physical journal, that can be the notes app on your phone, something on your computer, whatever it is, it's finding some place where on a regular basis, and I think daily is great, but if it's not daily, it's every couple of days, to start writing down the things you're thankful for. And then again, it creates this habit where throughout the day, you're then on the lookout, because you know, eventually, either tonight or tomorrow, I'm going to need to write down five things. And so you're more aware of what is God doing around me today?

And what promises am I seeing lived out? And what do I notice when I do read the word or when I talk to people? And so I think that habit of every day, trying to write down five things, it helps you see God at work, because we tend to just go through our day, our eyes are closed, we're thinking about the next thing. And there might be a lot of blessings that we're missing. Yeah, I found that certainly helpful in my own life.

Periodically, I've done that for like a month, five things a day. And yeah, and it's just amazing how the things come to mind when you begin to focus on it. So now, there's an appendix to your book that's called The Gratitude Challenge. Tell us about that. The Gratitude Challenge, it does a little bit of what I just mentioned, it's creating that habit.

So it's 30 days. And every day, there's something to read from the Bible, specifically on Thanksgiving, or grumbling. And so part of the goal is to see, well, what does the Bible say about this? I want to know, how are people in the Bible giving things?

What does that look like? What are reasons for giving things? And so the first part is just kind of studying and learning about Thanksgiving from the Bible. And then the second aspect is the practice.

Okay, I see them doing it. Now I want to do it. And so every day, it's kind of that commitment to, I'm going to write down the reasons to give things, but then also pray it back to God. And that's a key feature of not only finding the list, but telling God thank you. And so it's drawing the two of us together, because I'm telling him, thank you for these specific things. So that came out of my own experience a few years ago, where I first started to think about Thanksgiving and practice it. And again, it was so helpful for me.

I wanted to make sure I included that in the book. Dustin, you mentioned Paul, and I was just thinking about Paul and Silas, who had no reason to be singing in that jail. And here are their voices. You know, they prayed and prayed, and Thanksgiving was a part of that. And I keep coming back to that. There is something about the example of biblical people who are in really dire straits, who are praising God, thanking God in the middle of the storm that they're in. There's a lot in there that we can learn, right? Yeah, and it's such a good reminder. And I think that's because as believers, no matter how hard it is, there are some rock solid truths and realities that never change. And if we know that my sin is forgiven, if we know that we've been adopted as a son or daughter into God's family, that we have new life, that our eternity is sure and it is with God, and that he has good plans for me today and tomorrow and forever, then no matter what is going on, we have more than enough reasons to give things. Yeah. Well, let me say to our listeners, you know, here we'll be getting into a new year, and this might be a good time for all of us to take an attitude check, you know?

And this book will help you do it. And so let me encourage our listeners to make the most of this book, because I do think the next year could be a whole lot better than the last year if we begin to focus more on thanksgiving and gratitude, rather than the things that we've been grumbling about over the past year. Who knows what this year is going to be like? God, not us, but God is going to be with us, and there's always things by which we can give thanks, even in the worst of circumstances. So, Dustin, thanks for being with us today, and thanks for taking time to put these thoughts together, because I think it's going to be a tool that a lot of people will find very, very helpful. Thanks for having me on and for having the conversation. Well, aren't you thankful for the conversation with Dustin Crowe today?

What might a good dose of gratitude do in your life and mine right now? For more help, our featured resource is Dustin's book, The Grumbler's Guide to Giving Thanks, Reclaiming the Gifts of a Lost Spiritual Discipline. Just go to FiveLoveLanguages.com. That's FiveLoveLanguages.com. And next week, if the topic of sharing your faith makes you nervous, gives you anxiety, don't miss Heather and Ashley Holliman's advice on how to live sent.

It's coming up in one week. Before we go, let me thank our production team, Steve Wick and Janice Todd, Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman is a production of Moody Radio in Chicago, in association with Moody Publishers, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks for listening.