"Chemistry"

Hi there, this is Lon Solomon and I'd like to welcome you to our program today. You know it's a tremendous honor that God has given us to be on stations all around the nation bringing the truth of God's word as it is uncompromising and straightforward. And I'm so glad you've tuned in to listen and be part of that.

Thanks again for your support and your generosity that keeps us on the radio. And now let's get to the Word of God. Well, good evening, everybody. How are you? Yeah, good. All right. Good to have you guys here.

Hey, we're in the middle. We just started last week, actually, a series on relationships. And if you missed last week, we talked last week about the seven marks, the seven traits of a great mate, a great partner for life. And so I urge you to go and pick up a copy of the tape from last week. And I think it'll really help you tonight.

We're going to talk a little more about the second of all, we're going to talk kind of about chemistry. Okay. You know, there's a great Paula Abdul song about 10 years old, and it's called Opposites Attract.

Thanks. And we were going to play it tonight, but we kind of ran it by our cheese meter team. And they all went, you know, so we're not going to play it for you. But if you remember what the song is all about, it basically says, hey, people who are very different sometimes end up attracting one another. And then kind of the very things that were different that they really liked about each other, then once they're together, it drives them crazy about each other. Now my wife and I are perfect example of this for the first 15 years of our marriage, we had unbelievable conflict, unbelievable conflict.

And you say, well, if you guys had such a hard time getting along, I mean, what was it about you then that your wife was so attracted to that she ever married you in the first place? Well, to be honest with you, it was the way I looked when we first met. Now I've got a picture. I went back and dug out an old picture.

And I want you to see what I look like. What do you think? That's why she fell for me. What do you think, guys?

All right. Well, we don't want to leave that up long because we know you girls can't handle it. But anyway, and what happened was some of the information I'm going to share with you tonight. We learned about 10 years ago and it totally changed our relationship because for the first time in our marriage, we actually began to understand about each other. You know, for the first 15 years of our marriage, I just and Brenda, too, we just didn't understand why the other person was acting the way they were acting. I mean, Brenda, for example, I looked at her and I thought this woman is just being hard to get along with.

I mean, that's all there is to it. She's picky about everything I do, no matter what I do, I cannot do anything right. She's always pointing out why I didn't do it exactly the way I was supposed to do it. And I didn't know exactly what was wrong with her, but I knew whatever it was, it wasn't something that a little Valium wouldn't fix.

Understand what I'm saying? And she looked at me and she thought I was mentally irregular. She looked at me and said, the man is out of control. The man is completely impulsive.

The man does not use his head at all. The man has never grown up. And she figured whatever was wrong with me was something that, you know, a little lobotomy wouldn't fix. And so so there we were just slugging it out. I mean, just slugging it out until we suddenly learn what I'm going to share with you this evening. And it revolutionized our relationship because we began to understand why is it that that other person in this relationship is acting the way they're acting? And I want tonight as we go through this, we're not really going to do a Bible thing tonight, although this is very biblical.

But what we're going to try to do is we're going to talk about there are four basic personality type, four basic types of chemistry to people. And if you understand that, it explains why people act the way they do and why when they get in a relationship, they have some of the tensions, the problems and the interactions that they do. And when you understand that, you know, Brendan, I've learned over the last 10 years not only to understand one another better, but miracle of miracles. We've actually learned to appreciate the differences in one another. That's a wonderful thing.

I didn't think was ever going to happen to the two of us, but it really has because we understand better now. So as we do this, here's what I want you to do. Number one, I want you to try to figure out what chemistry type of the four you are.

That's really important to know that. And then if you've got a boyfriend or girlfriend right now or a husband or wife, I want you to try to figure out what personality type they are, because understanding those two things will help you a lot in figuring out why you're relating to each other and why you're having some of the conflict that you are. And if you don't have a boyfriend, you don't have a girlfriend, I want you to when you figure out who you are, it will help a lot in helping you decide. All right, well, what kind of a person am I looking for then? Which of these personality types do I really want to find as a potential partner? OK, so come on along.

This is really going to help you. And as I said, there are four types of personalities. And remember, none of them are better or worse than the other. OK, none of these are good and none of them are bad.

It's just the way people are. Each personality type has certain strengths and each one has certain weaknesses. And you may not be all of one and none of the others, but you'll probably be primarily one.

OK, and that's the important thing. Now, number one, personality type number one, lions, grrr, all right, lions. These are the leaders of the world. These are the take charge people of the world. These are the George Pattons of the world. These are the Schwartzkopfs of the world. These are the people who are either the president of the company or else they believe they're the president of the company. That's these people.

All right. Now, there are some words who describe these people. See if any of these adjectives work for you. These people are confident. These people are bold. These people are determined.

These people are persistent. These people are competitive. They will run over their mother at home plate if they have to to score.

Now, they'll pick her up and dust her off and say they're sorry, but they'll kill her at the plate if they have to to score. These people are goal oriented. They are independent. They are self reliant. They are strong willed people. These people are take charge people. They are controlling people.

They want to control you and everything else in the world. They want to be in charge. They love being in charge. They're entrepreneurial. They're risk takers. And the more power you give them and the more authority you give them, the more they love it. They're also pushy. They're also overbearing.

They're also like a bull in a china shop sometime. They also roll over people a lot of times. And then when they turn around and you tell them they did it, they're like, huh?

They don't even know they did it. This is the person who, if you assign them a hill to take, they will take that hill no matter how many people they have to kill in the process. If they're the last person alive, they're going to take that hill because that's just the way they're wired. This is the person who gets right behind you on the beltway and flashes their lights and beats their horn. And when you finally move over, they stare at you dirty when they drive by you. That's these people.

These are the people that are horrible to go on vacation with. They got you up at six o'clock in the morning. Come on out. Come on. We got 45 things we got to do today. We got to do this. We got to do that.

I got a whole list right here. Got to get all this done by sundown because after sundown, we got a whole bunch of other stuff we got to do. And you say to them, are you crazy? This is vacation. It's six o'clock in the morning. Have you lost your mind?

No, we got a lot of things we got to do today. These are the people who want to cut right to the bottom line. They want the executive summary. They're in a hurry all the time. They don't have time to talk about it. Just give me the facts.

It's all I want. I just want the facts. Now, they're wonderful people. They are. We need these kind of people in the world. They're the people that make the world go round. But they're sometimes very hard people to live with. When you're living with a lion, you feel like you're in the rink with a professional hockey player all the time.

They're just bouncing off of people everywhere they go. That's the lion. Now, then we have the otter.

And in fact, I can put my hand inside this little booger and make him move. Say hi. This is the otter. Now, the otters, these are the party people of the world. These are where's the party? The party's about to happen.

I want to go give me the party. These are people who would much rather lay on their back and crack rocks and do anything else in the world. These are the fun people of the world. These are the people who know everybody, who know everybody, who knows everybody. These are the people who love to be in crowds, love to have a party. Here's some of the words that describe these people. They're fun loving.

They're spontaneous. They're friendly. They're optimistic. You know, these are the people whose favorite two words are trust me. Don't ever trust these people. They don't have a clue what they're doing.

They haven't thought about it themselves yet. They're energetic. They're very verbal. They're popular. They love large groups. They mix well with people. They're enthusiastic. They're promoters and inspirers and inspirational.

They can talk anybody into anything, even if it makes no sense. They're also goof offs. They're irresponsible, impulsive people and they're dangerous people. They're dangerous to themselves and they're dangerous to everybody else around them because they don't think they just party. That's these people. These are the people who could care less about taking a hill. All they want to know is where's the victory party once we take it.

That's all they care about. These are the people who cause accidents on the Beltway because they're so busy dancing to the music they listen to. They're not paying any attention to where they're going. They miss their exit.

They don't even know it because the song was great. Now, these are people that are terrible with money, too. They never balance their checkbook.

They just change banks every once in a while. They're wonderful people to go on vacation with because they're a party all day long. But God help you if you ever have to get anything accomplished with these people. They're the people that commit themselves to go to three parties on the same night and they show up to all three and forgot whatever it was you told them to bring. But they're there. It's party time. These are wonderful people. They are. They keep laughter and fun in the world, but they can be hard to live with because they just don't care if anything gets done.

All right? Now, next we have the beavers. Now, the beavers of the world, these are the people who not only enjoy writing instruction manuals, they actually enjoy reading instruction manuals. These are the Felix Ungers of the world. By the way, the otters, they were the Tommy Boys of the world.

You got that, right? You know, in Animal House, they were the Bluedos of the world. These are the Felix Ungers of the world. These are the anal people of the world. These are the people who value accuracy.

These are the rules people. These are the do it right people. These are the get it straight people. They're the safety inspectors, the quality controllers, the bankers, the accountants, the OSHA inspectors and the computer programmers of the world right here. They care about detail.

It's got to be right. Here are some words that describe these people. They're predictable. They're careful. They're perfectionist.

It's got to be perfect. They're detailed. They're analytical. They're structured, precise people. They're very scheduled people.

They have their little, you know, day timer and everything's written down in a little day timer that they got to get done for the next 30 days. They're orderly. They're conscientious. These people have a wonderful sense of duty. They do a high sense of duty. Would they commit themselves to something?

Brother, they will die before they'll let it go without getting it done. But also, they tend to be very critical people, very critical of themselves mostly. And then by extension, they can be very critical of other people because you just got to be perfect.

You just got to do it right. These are people who have stomach trouble all the time because everything stresses them out. You know, unless the world is perfect, they got problems. And if you go to a beaver's house and look in the drawer, let me tell you what you'll find. You'll find all their socks rolled up and color coordinated in a row in the drawer. Their closets are perfectly neat.

Their shoes are all in a row. And beavers are wonderful people. They really are. They help keep the world organized. These are the people who balance their checkbook.

Somebody does. These are the people who actually know how much money they have in the bank. But they can be frustrating to live with because if you're not a beaver, they'll drive you nuts. And finally, we have our friends, the golden retrievers. Yeah, these are the nurturers of the world. These are the George Baileys, you know, in It's a Wonderful Life. These are the George Baileys of the world. These are the lassies of the world.

If you come to McLean Bible Church, these are the Richard Parks of the world right here, if you know Richard. Yeah, these are people who have the words, I won't hurt you, stamped right across their forehead everywhere they go. These are the safe people of the world.

They can avoid confrontation at all costs. All they want to do is just lick you all over and make you feel warm and fuzzy. That's all they want to do. They're wonderful. Here are some words that describe these people. They're sensitive. They're thoughtful. They're loyal to a fault.

These people are good listeners. They're indecisive. They can't make a decision. You know why they can't make a decision? Because whatever decision they make is going to hurt somebody's feelings.

They don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, so they can't make a decision. Where do you want to go at dinner? Wherever you want to go. I know, but I mean, I want to know where do you want to go?

Oh, it doesn't matter to me. I want to go wherever you want to go. Yeah, but I want to take you somewhere that you really would like to go. Where would you like to go?

Wherever you want to go. Drive you crazy. These are the people who are tender. They're nurturing. They're the peacemakers of the world. They want to bring everybody together and have everybody just feel wonderful about everybody.

They avoid confrontation at all costs. They're very sympathetic people. These are the people you love to talk to.

When you've got a problem, you want a golden retriever to talk to. But also, on the negative side, these people often end up carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. They take everybody's problems. They carry everybody's problems. They can't say no very easily.

And they worry too much about what people think about them. Now, when it comes to taking hills, this person says, well, if it'll make you feel better, you take the hill. I don't need to take the hill.

If you would like to take it, go ahead. This is fine with me. These people don't even go on the beltway. They don't even get near the beltway. They go, forget it. I'll make an enemy.

I'm not going out there. These are the people who work for the Red Cross. These are the people who volunteer to work in hospitals. These are the people who have two-and-a-half-hour phone conversations because they're afraid if they say they have to go, they'll hurt somebody's feelings.

So it's like, hmm. These are wonderful people. These are the warm and fuzzy people of the world. The world would be a cold and heartless place without these people.

They're wonderful. But they can be frustrating to live with because sometimes you want to say to them, why don't you ever do something for you? Why don't you ever do something that you want to do? Why do you spend your whole life worrying about everybody else?

Enjoy something you want to do for a change. Now, let's take a little survey. How many lions do we have here?

Raise your hand. All right. How about how many otters do we have here? See, that's just like otters.

They would scream and do that, wouldn't they? See, I told you, that's just like them. All right. How many beavers do we have here?

Wow, a lot of you guys. Am I doing it right? Am I okay so far? I'm doing it right. Okay, just got to check because I know that matters to you guys. How many golden retrievers do we have here? Oh, well, aren't you wonderful? Okay. Now, that's interesting because, you know, most crowds, it breaks down about 25%. It's really kind of interesting how God splits this out among people. But let's see all four in action, okay?

Let's try a couple of these out. How about when it comes to money, okay? Lions love when it comes to lions love to make it. They don't care about anything. They just want to make money. Beavers, they love to save it. Oh, man, beavers have a savings account, two savings accounts, three savings accounts.

That's all they want to do. How much money are we saving? You know, we need to be saving money every single month.

We need to be putting it away. Otters, what do they love to do to money? Yeah, man, they don't care about nothing but spending it.

And golden retrievers, you know what they do? They just sit around telling everybody what a wonderful job they're doing managing their money. You're doing a wonderful job and you're doing a wonderful job. And you're doing a wonderful job over there, too.

Everybody's doing a wonderful job. How about shopping? All right, lions. Lions go in the store. They want it fast. They don't want any help.

They don't want a salesperson. I see what I want. I buy it, ring it up. I got things to do.

I'm out of here. That's a lion shopping. You know how a beaver shops? A beaver spends $25 in gas going all over the county trying to save 20 cents on the article. That's a beaver. You know what an otter does when an otter goes shopping? An otter goes in and gets so busy talking to the sales personnel that they forget what they even went shopping for. They come home and they go, I forgot why I even went there, but I sure had fun. I made four new friends.

It's wonderful. And golden retrievers, they'll often go shopping and buy stuff they don't even need because they're afraid of hurting the feelings of the shopping clerk. You think I need this?

Okay, well, then I'll take it because I don't want to hurt your feelings, so sure, I'll take two of them. One more. When you were a teenager, if your mother was a lion, then all your mother wanted to know is what are your goals for the next 10 years? What is your action plan to achieve it? And I want them prioritized in a list.

I want a written set of action plans and I want to know when are we going to get all these things done? If your mother was an otter, all your mother wanted to do is go to the movies with you and your friends. Can I go too? If your mother was a beaver, you know what she wanted you to do? Clean your room.

That drive you crazy or what? And if your mother was a golden retriever, all she wanted to do is come down and sit on the bed next to you at night and go, honey, are you okay? How are you feeling? How's school going? Was dinner okay? Did I overcook anything? Are the pillows too hard? I bought new pillows today. I can take them back if they're not hard. Are they okay? How's everything going?

Are you all right? Now, friends, knowing these things about yourself really helps, because it explains why when you get into a relationship with one of these people, they act the way they do. People are not, when they get in relationships, they act inside of the kind of chemistry, the kind of personality type that they are. And if you understand that, then you'll realize that they're not just being difficult, they're not just being hard to get along with, they're not just trying to make your life miserable, which some of us think from time to time.

But actually, they're just acting exactly in line with what they are. And really, you know, God often matches up opposites because he wants us to learn from one another. He wants us to grow by rubbing shoulders with one another.

He wants us to together move to the middle so that both of us become more well-rounded people because we live with the other person, we have a relationship with the other person. And also, you can predict much easier knowing what the other person's personality type is. You can predict how they're going to respond, which means you can prepare yourself to deal with them. It doesn't come out of the blue. Well, I don't know if this helps you at all. I had fun doing it.

I don't know if it helps you at all or not, but I hope it does, because once Brenda and I learn, once I learn that she was a beaver, then I know exactly how she's going to react in every situation. It's like clockwork, like clockwork. And I know it's always going to be these are the rules, and I know it's always going to be we need to keep the rules, and I know it's always going to be law and you need to keep the rules like everybody else does.

I know, and she knows exactly how I'm going to react. I mean, for lions, rules are suggestions. Stop signs are suggestions. Stop long enough just so you don't hurt yourself, but if you want to roll it, it's all right.

They're suggestions. So we understand each other, and we actually have reached the point that we can kind of laugh about it together, and say, well, you're a beaver. That's what I expect from you. And we've learned to appreciate one another. If you learn who you are, you're really going to be a lot more predictable than you think you're going to be, and these are very real things that God has built into us, and if you learn who your partner is, they'll be predictable, and it will really help you not to fight all the time and not to feel that the other person is just trying to be hard to get along with, but to appreciate the fact God made us intrinsically different, and if we'll let one another rub off on each other, we can be a blessing to each other. So I hope these things will help you, and we're going to pray together, and thanks again for coming tonight. Let's pray. Father, we want to thank you for reminding us tonight that you built human beings a certain way, and that these things that we've talked about, these are not accidents, but that you have built us as people to have certain strengths, and also sometimes we have certain weaknesses, and that many times we get matched up to someone who has strengths where we're weak, and we have strengths where they're weak because you intend us, as the Bible says, that the two shall become one flesh, and we'll grow to complement each other, and together as the team of a guy and a gal, we will be stronger as a team than even just the sum of the parts. So teach us from all of this this evening to learn to appreciate each other. Teach us to learn to appreciate our differences. Teach us to learn to look at our relationships and to treat the other person's differences with respect and with honor instead of despising them, and I pray you would use what we've talked about tonight to bring some harmony to relationships that maybe have, like Brenda and me, have been fighting for years just because they really don't understand each other. We commit all that we've learned tonight to you, Lord. Help us build better relationships because we were here tonight, and I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Join us next time when Lon seeks to answer one of life's most important questions, So what?