Discover Your True Self - You are Wanted, Part 2

Did you ever wonder how you came to see yourself the way that you do? Do you realize that every relationship, decision, and choice that you make is rooted in your self-image? Would you like to have an encouraging, positive self-image? Well, stay with me.

That's what we're going to talk about. Thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip's our Bible teacher on this international discipleship program, and I'm Dave Druey. We're in Chip's series, Discover Your True Self. In this program, he explains how it's possible to know for sure that you're wanted, that you belong. It's a promise from God that will never fade or change. If you're tired of performing and playing religious games to please others, this message is going to speak volumes. After the teaching, Chip's always with us in studio to bring a final thought and his application, so be sure to stay with us for this one. It's especially powerful.

If you can't, you can pick it up later on the Chip Ingram app. Now let's get going and join Chip for part two of his message, You Are Wanted, from Ephesians chapter one. Now let's ask ourselves what it means to get an accurate view of God by understanding that I'm chosen, number one, and that I'm adopted. What does God say about those who are in Christ? Number one, we're chosen by Him. Literally, we are picked out personally for himself. Notice it's unearned. It's not based on what you do.

It's eternal from the foundations of the earth, but here's the core truth. You are wanted by God. You know, think of all the things we do to be wanted. We want to be attractive. We all got up and we dressed.

I'm guessing at least most of the women put on makeup. You thought about what are you gonna wear. We want to be wanted. Our lives often are just filled with, if I can do this, or if I could achieve this, or if I look like this, or if I could have that, or if I achieve that, then I would be more acceptable and then I would be wanted. Can I just ask you something?

What if that got solved? What if in your heart of hearts, instead of needing and having and wanting to be wanted? You know, I don't really think this is right, but I don't think he'll love me if we don't go to bed. You know what, I don't think this is really right, but you know, if I don't let him on the traveling team or her on the traveling team, I know it's messing up our family, but you know, I want him to really feel accepted by his friends. You know, I don't think that's a really good group for my daughter.

I don't think that's really the right place, but you know, I don't want to be too hard because she might feel rejected and miss out because her, what, what if we taught our kids and what if all of us said, you know what, we all desire to be in, we all desire to belong, we all desire to be wanted, but what if we didn't need it anymore? What if you were so wanted and so loved and so secure by the one who made you and the one who died for you and the one who you'll spend eternity with forever and ever and ever, that you had a freedom to say, you know, I don't have to work 72 hours. I don't have to keep up with everybody at work. My kids don't have to all get into these schools or those schools.

If they do, it's great. I don't have to put pressure on them because my value, my okay inside my soul, it's not what other people think. It really isn't. And yet, I mean, this disease is in all of us, correct?

So the big question is, how do you break it? I think he goes on and tells us, he says, you're not only chosen, but you're adopted by him. That means complete and all the rights and privileges of being a part of his family.

It's irrevocable. Once you're adopted into his family, you're part of his family. And the core truth is you are accepted by God and you are his child.

Now, let me give you a picture that will help you with this because right now your body language and your eyes are telling me, you know, I'm leaning forward and I'd kind of like to get this, but I don't have it yet. I have a friend, grew up in an orphanage. His name is Billy. He was in the orphanage until he was eight years old. And everybody that he grew up in this orphanage is every people would come in. I want this one. I want this one. Billy kept, he's left out, left out, left out, left out.

By the time you're eight, most all the cute little friends are gone. And finally, one day a family walked in and looked at him and says, we want you. And so Billy was adopted.

His name was legally changed. They didn't have any children, so he had a bedroom all by himself. The family came in, he tells the story. They came in the first few nights and he was sleeping on the floor. And they said, what are you doing? We have this nice bed. We got all these new things for you. And he goes, I've never slept in a bed. I'm unworthy to sleep in that bed.

Hmm. And then they looked in the closet and there was food stuffed in the closet. Billy, when they weren't looking, went to the refrigerator. He got food and he hoarded it and he stuck it. Why?

Because that's what he's always done. He didn't feel love. He didn't feel worthy. He couldn't receive love.

And so his greed and his fear of rejection or not having, even though he was legally adopted and had a mom and dad who loved him and his name was officially changed and he was deeply loved, he kept living like an orphan. Can I ask you a really penetrating question? And if you can sort of let the denial sort of drift off just for a moment. How many of you are living like spiritual orphans? You are loved by God, but you're looking for it everywhere else.

You are loved by God and he has a great plan and you're putting him on hold and your whole life and your energy is about gaining approval and acceptance and love somewhere else. Well, Billy grew up. He became one of my professors and he's been dealing with this issue his whole life, even to adulthood, to the point that all those things about pleasing people, all those things about fearing rejection, until God did a great work in his life. And then at one point he decided God called him to plan a church and he would take a risk.

It used to be called South Hills and Billy's name is Bill Lawrence. Bill Lawrence taught me to preach. Bill Lawrence figured out he's adopted. He's loved by a father. He's cared for deeply.

He didn't have to, when he went to school, he got this degree, that degree, that degree, that degree. He just kept running after what will make me acceptable until even after being a pastor for 10 years he had a breaking moment. And he began to understand what it means to be adopted by a loving, caring father that's a reality in your heart. What does it really mean to be adopted?

When we hear the words that I've just shared they make some sense to us but they make a lot more sense to the people who got this. That word adopted to us is, you know, now it means a lot to me I adopted two boys. If you've adopted kids or if you are adopted I will tell you this passage means a lot more to you. But if you were in Ephesus and you were hearing this read adoption you would think the Roman law the only people that get adopted are adults. They didn't adopt children. And the people that got adopted would be if my wife and I couldn't have children and we don't have any heirs we would find the smartest best most wonderful person who was an adult in their probably mid 20s or 30s and we would adopt them and according to Roman law their past life vanished even there any if they had any debts it vanished their name was changed and they became officially part of our family in other words they kind of earned it they're such a wonderful person they would be adopted and these Christians are reading this and saying I mean that's what what a wealthy person Rome would do the god of the universe adopted us unworthy people he he did for us what we couldn't do for ourselves can you imagine the sense of wow I must be valuable I must be really important I I must be lovable and that's what happened to them I think JI Packard is right classic book knowing God I have he has a section on adoption and I love it he says at the end of this chapter 19 he says it's a strange fact that the truth of adoption has been little regarded in Christian history apart from two 19th century books now scarcely known there's no evangelical writing on it nor was there any writing on it before the time of the Reformation and there has not been any more before or after see I think this is something that we haven't taught I think this is something that down deep in your heart the deepest emotional needs the deepest relational needs this sense of belonging that's supposed to come from God we have so emphasized come to Christ turn from your sin it's a gift it's all about grace we have these stunted people that I think many or most are genuine believers living like orphans and trying to find love and acceptance in everywhere but where they already have it so let me give you a little journey thanks to JI Packard I took a section of his chapter and here's five things that are true of us all right of us orphans who've now been adopted number one when you're adopted you're loved see how great a love the father has bestowed upon us that we should be called the children of God and such we are literally the phrase is see what manner of love and that phrase manner of love literally it's true it's a general translation but it's basically how foreign sort of how different how illogical that God would love us makes no sense as the idea the two greatest evidences of love in all the New Testament are first the cross why we were yet sinners Christ died in our place and second sonship and daughtership it's not just that he made us right with him it's that he wants to be intimately involved in our life he's a father he wants to take care of us when Jesus is teaching on the Sermon on the Mount how are we supposed to pray father when he was risen from the dead what did he say to Mary Mary go tell my brothers he's our elder brother now go tell my brothers my God and my father and your God and your father when he talks about the spiritual life he says when you give and when you pray and when you're fast do it secretly so who your father God wants you to know I'm your father and I love you perfectly like a father you're adopted you're really a part of my family this isn't theology this is reality the second thing is that there's hope the spirit Romans 8 himself testifies with our spirit that we're children of God and if children heirs also heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ if indeed we suffer with him so we may also be glorified with him in other words when you're a child if someone's really your father you're an heir my oldest boys I had the privilege of adopting when they were about four and a half or five I've recently revised my whole estate plan I have four kids and and everything I have is being passed on to all four of my kids my biological kids and my adopting kids why because after so many years it never entered my mind they're not mine and God wants you to know you know hope hope isn't the economy hope isn't you know if you meet someone someday hope isn't if you go public hope is not about your kids getting into this school or that school here's hope hope is is that you're now a child of God and if you're a child you're an heir and what you what do you know is you're gonna get a resurrected body you're gonna go to heaven for sure there's gonna be a family reunion God's gonna be with you forever and ever hope is in the midst of your hardest times he may not snap his fingers and make everything go wonderful tomorrow he will go through it with you because he's your father some of you are really good dads some of you have had really good dads and really good moms and you think back when you were a kid in the hardest times in your first breakup and the broken bone and you didn't make the first team and all the rest and your mom or your dad they loved you God says that's me for you not out there some way somehow but now the third thing that's true of us that are adopted there's intimacy for you have not received the spirit of slavery leading again to fear but you've received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out Abba father it's the most intimate sensitive term Aramaic for papa daddy this isn't this God that's far off that okay I guess they need to read by chapter day keeps the devil away and you know it's if I got giving boy that's a big one and you know maybe I should go on a missions trip and you realize so much of today's evangelical Christianity is just transactional what do I have to do to somehow earn or gain God's favor and if I do these things at least according to TV preachers he's has to do all these things for me and at the end of the day it's really not about intimacy and love it's really about getting what you want and using Jesus it's called idolatry God says I want to give you the most intimate relationship I want to love you I want you to know that you can share with me everything and I'm involved and I want to bless you not if or because you do this or that I already am for you I already love you I want you to open the scriptures to say Papa how's it going today and I need your help and to hear his voice through the word and hear his voice through God's people and that you would be in love with God not simply trying to earn his favor or be a good person my son one of my older sons went through a really big time of rebellion and by God's grace he did a 180 members sitting in the car and tears streaming down my face that we just couldn't keep doing life and he was end of high school and I said you know you got a couple days to decide whether you can keep living in our home or just the behavior and all the rest if you're old enough to do whatever you want then maybe you need to do that somewhere else and it was after about three or four years of very painful times and just just crying it would break our heart but we love you I don't know what else to do and when his two bedroom for a couple days and I think he re-engaged with a God that he wondered whether he existed or not went through the very genuine doubts that all of our teens and young people do he came out later and did a 180 and begin to really walk with God I remember saying son what what happened I don't get it what the change was so dramatic and you know as a pastor you know you're thinking maybe it was one of my sermons and in a moment of intimacy and tenderness he said you know dad I've doubted everything and I'm sure it was part of being a kid in a big church where people said all this stuff about you and feeling pressure but and I knew it was just outright rebellion but you know I just begin to for two days think Jesus is so real to you mom he's just so real to you and you know you got lots of issues most of which I've been pointing out for the last three or four years but you're no different at home than you are at church and he said you never made me feel like I needed to shape up so you would look better at church I see you and mom talk and pray and I realize I'm not sure what I'm doubting but he sure is real to you and I ask God will you help me like never before will you be real to me the reason we're losing our youth by and large is not simply what they're hearing in college and the universities of course that's difficult and not simply just the culture the culture has always been hard for youth I think what they need to see is the reality of the intimacy in your life and your love with your Heavenly Father that it's not we brought you to church we dropped you off at the youth group we put you in a good Christian school or whatever your plan is and somehow it's become moralism and their heart they haven't seen a heart that beats for God they haven't seen you cry over your sin they haven't they haven't seen that what really matters is not success and not education and not how you appear that's why it's in our weakness and our brokenness that God pours forth his spirit this adoption is transformational it leads also to holiness for whom the Lord loves he disciplines and he scourges every son whom receives it's for discipline that you endure God deals with you as a sons for what son is there that he doesn't discipline and then he tells us why for they disciplined us for a short time has seemed best to them but God he disciplines us for our good so that we may share in his holiness we are so loved and so part of the family that anything we would do that would jeopardize us getting the best God actually brings consequences some of the hardest times you're going through it's not he's down on you it's he loves you so much he's trying to get your attention away from the idols and away from the media and away from all the different stuff that you're bombarded by because he wants to draw you near you do that with your kids and he's doing it with you and me and finally I love this is when you understand adoption there's assurance in other words you know that you know that you know the Apostle Paul would say in Romans 8 prime convinced that neither death nor life nor angels nor principalities nor things present nor things to come nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord and and here's what I want you to get is that you are loved and you are wanted that's who you are you are wanted you can want it and desire it from other people but you don't need it and nothing can separate you from his love you got to declare that someone breaks up with you you lose a job your goals your frustrations all those things they're gonna go up they're down many times over the decades God's saying I want you and I'll be there for you and all the things that really matter I will never let go of you now here's the question how do you get that in that great 18-inch journey from your head and to your heart so turn to the back of your notes and I'll show you these are the actual cards that my wife used we wrote them on old three by five cards and they became so helpful that Living on the Edge printed them so that they would be prettier for people I suppose and thousands and thousands of people are doing what we did early in the morning first the principle is replace the warp mirrors and misbeliefs by the truth of God's Word second identify your lies that you believe and write them on the side of a three by five card now you know you guys are high-tech put it you dudes I'm a card guy okay example for this one I must be approved or accepted by certain people to be happy or another lie I need other people's approval to make me happy I'm telling you you believe that with all your heart you do stuff and you're making decisions about your family your life your career your relationships that are simply rooted in this lie that you have to have their approval and I will tell you what that's that's the misbelief then I turn the card over I want people's approval of me but I don't need it I'm as insecure as any and everyone in this room or whoever watches this wherever I want you all to like me we all do but I don't need it with God's approval I'm no longer compelled to earn love and acceptance I'm free to be me and you know what read that over in the morning read that over in the night read that over in the morning read that over in the night because the core is this belonging and so the next card is I'm wanted appreciated and loved by God the most important person in my life I watched my wife go for three or four years with my daughter going through a series these cards that she just read and she just read and she just read you know what I have a daughter that actually believes she's wanted appreciated and loved by God the most important person in her life and made some very hard decisions under peer pressure because that got put into here that made it down to here she knew that she belonged and when you really belong to him and you have a passage that says that I will just tell you you get free now here's the deal this is not like oh I read those cards two weeks later everything's great these are you take one degree and you change it I would encourage you to read this over to write those on cards and just say I'll do this morning and night and if you were for 60 or 90 or 120 days you will begin to incrementally begin to believe that you're a daughter of the living God and you'll you'll have desires that will change that you won't know like I don't have to read the Bible I want to I don't have to pray so long it's just an invitation I don't I don't have to do this or do that I don't I don't have to respond this way and work I don't have to make my kids happy every day every moment because you will understand that you belong and you will be set free chips going to be back with his application but just a quick reminder this message you are wanted is from his series discover your true self you know at some point in our lives most of us cut through all of the clutter to ask a very important question who am I in this series chip opens the book of Ephesians to explain that the answer to that question changes when you become a son or daughter of the Most High God issues of worth and belonging take on a completely different meaning when we give our lives to his son Jesus but if we don't know that we tend to get bogged down in the doubts and struggles of our past if you long to break free and truly live in the power of Christ this series will help you do that to check out your resource options for discover your true self just go to Living on the Edge org or tap special offers discounts are available for a limited time for more information just give us a call at triple 8 3 3 3 6 0 0 3 well chip at the end of the teaching today you were talking about how Teresa used the content of the series and the cards with your daughter and how much it helped her with confidence and security now is there a way for someone to study with a young person or share with a friend when listening is the best option well Dave absolutely in fact this is a book that I wrote I've studied Ephesians for a lot of years and if you ask me what are the most important things you could ever learn in terms of being a follower of Christ I would say first and foremost who is God second what does it really mean to be a disciple and probably third what does it mean to be in Christ how does God see you and this book discovering your true self is how to put the lies of your past behind you and see yourself the way God sees you and so the teaching that people are hearing on the broadcast is really in book form and I've got to tell you a story this is so exciting it was a dad who has a daughter that he thinks the world of she's a good student she's very pretty he's got a little you know father bias but don't we all and she's very successful and yet she doesn't like herself and she feels like she never measures up and this is I mean this is a pandemic all of its own among young women in their late teens and early 20s especially and he gave her the book discover your true self well she started to dig in and then all he said was she devoured it and he said I have never seen such a change in my daughter in all my life it's just like something came over her and she actually learned she's loved wanted valued and safe because of who she is in Christ in fact she got so excited she shared it with her boyfriend and now they're going through it together I would encourage people especially for readers or those of you that have someone that you know put a book in their hands this is the key and maybe even read it with them and see if God won't help them see themselves the way he actually sees them perfect thanks well for those of you who know a book is the best option I hope you'll take advantage of the current discount on chips book discover your true self all the details are on our website Living on the Edge org app listeners just have special offers and for more information you can give us a call at triple 8 3 3 3 6 0 0 3 that's triple 8 3 3 3 6 0 0 3 as I close today's program with you and I shared those cards and I shared a bit of the journey of learning that I really belong to God and how that freed me from not having to please people and I want you to hear this is a journey it didn't happen overnight but I want you also to understand that to be wanted to be valued it's so deeply ingrained in how God made you and you're human and you want other people to approve of you and love you and we do all kind of things to get people to like us we perform and how we look and what we wear and all kinds of ways and yet they all fall short then I have no idea where you're at today except for what I know is in the depth of your heart you long to belong you long to have another human being look at you in the eyes and say you belong here you are wanted you are valued you matter and yet every human being will let you down because they're just like you and they're just like me but I do want you to know that Jesus promises when he says I want you I love you you matter to me I want you to be with me now and I want you to be with me forever it's a promise and it'll never change and as you listen to these programs I know there's so many people that grow up probably very similar to me that being a Christian was a lot about being a moral person and trying to be nice and even going to church and reading the Bible a bit here and there but never really realized the depth and the intimacy and that it's a relationship and as you're listening to my voice right now God is saying to many of you I want you not perform for me not be a good person it's I want you I want to forgive you and I want to bring you into my family so that I can experience life with you now and life with you forever if you have never received Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior no matter your background no matter what you've done I want to tell you right now at this moment he's inviting you come to me just right now wherever you are whatever you're doing just pause and stop and turn to him and say Lord Jesus I need you I believe you died in my place I believe you rose from the dead I want to belong please come into my life right now I'm putting my trust in you and then let me encourage you as you pray that just from your heart text or call the greatest Christian you know let him know what you just did and then go to our website and we have some free information to help you grow in your new relationship in Christ God bless you and welcome to the family if you prayed with chip I hope you'll take a minute and call us at triple 8 3 3 3 6 0 0 3 we'd love to talk with you and get a free resource in your hands that'll help you understand what you just did and where to go from here if you'd rather go to the new believers tab on our website Living on the Edge org or tap special offers on the app where you'll find that same resource we just want to help you get started on your new journey of faith well it's been great to be together for chip and everyone here this is Dave Drewey saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge you