Parenting Adult Children

Hi, this is Bernie Dake. And I'm Sarah Nelson.

Welcome to the Salvation Army's Wonderful Words of Life. Bernie, do you know what today is? I don't, Sarah. It's a special day.

Really? My firstborn, my daughter Hannah. Oh, I don't even know if I can say this. Hannah Hannah? She is 20 years old.

Get out. Today. So, could we sing Happy Birthday? Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Hannah.

Excuse me. Happy birthday to you. You're going to sound awesome, I'm sure. Happy birthday, Hannah. You're 20 years old today. I just want you to know that I love you and I am so proud of you.

And I just want free tickets when you're performing on Broadway. Yeah. Good. That's smart.

All right. So, in our series on parenting today, Terry and Donna discuss what it's like parenting adult children. And the thing this really made me focus on is the way, as parents, we're preparing our kids for the real world. According to a study from CNBC, the percentage of 18 to 34 year olds living with their parents has been declining in recent years. This means that the parents out there could become empty nesters sooner than they thought. So, again, what conversations should parents be having with their kids to prepare them for that move? And the percentage kind of surprised me a little bit.

I was thinking that young people tended to stay longer with their parents rather than move. I don't know. What did you do, Bernie? I mean, the minute I had a chance to run, I did. I moved in with a family who were discipling me as a young Christian guy. They gave me part-time work. I enrolled in school. And I kind of learned life on my own. I don't think they necessarily kicked me out. But we have a mutual friend here at WWOL who told us that his parents, after he came home from his freshman year of college, said, hey, you can't stay here.

You got to go. And the thing is, if he had stayed with his parents, he says he would have been able to save more money, but he would have spent it all on the wrong things. Right. So kind of counterproductive. Yeah. So it was a good thing for him.

They knew what was best for him in that regard. And I think for me, while my parents weren't chasing me away, they had prepared me for life in a sense. So once you were out, you were out.

Yeah. No looking back. My story is just a little different. And I shared some weeks ago that I have a divorce in my past. So I did leave home at a young age, probably 19 years old. But when my marriage crumbled, I turned to the place where I felt would be the most nurturing and supportive. I went back home and even for a time was there with my daughter.

Now, we didn't stay there very long, but I did go home at least one more time before I fully launched into the world. But, you know, I'm grateful that they were ready to receive me with open arms when that happened. Well, as always, I hope that this study is an extra blessing to the parents and the parents to be out there. May the peace of God overcome my thoughts. May the peace of God guard my heart and mind when I wander.

When I'm weary, when I fear, when I'm lonely. May the peace of God overcome my thoughts. May the peace of God guard my heart and mind in our doubt.

In division, in our pain, in rejection. May the peace of God overcome my thoughts. May the peace of God guard my heart and mind.

Peace. God is the originator of peace, so may you be drawn into the one from whom all peace flows. May the parts of you that feel incomplete or inadequate be made whole and undivided in Christ. May your loneliness and separation be transformed into unity through the comforting presence of the prince of peace. May we be brought deeper into healthy community with the Godhead and the body being made holier as we participate in peace. May peace be the binding force of all your relationships. May peace come to you as you enjoy the storms of life fortified by the strong presence of the one who walks on stormy waters to help you. May you, with the help of God, be sustained through the difficulties of life and find peace on the other side of struggle. Peace is not the absence of conflict.

Instead, it carries us through to establish the victory of wholeness and reconciliation. May the peace of God grant you sustenance for today's moments in energy and vision for the future. May peace grant you hope. May peace grant you freedom. And may peace grant you the unifying and sustaining love for your creator, creation, the kingdom, and yourself. Peace. May the peace of God overcome my thoughts. May the peace of God guard my heart and mind.

May the peace, the singing company. Our roles significantly change as parents once our children become adults. I used to be somewhat comical in saying that my parents never really thought of me beyond about 14 years of age. And even when I was in college and early adulthood, I always believed they were still approaching me and treating me as though I was 14.

And then I began to have adult children, and I think I had progressed to where I treat them where they're about 15. But the reality is it is a difficult transition to give up those things that you think of in terms of a caregiver and a guardian and still have the strong parental influence into your adult children and their lives and what eventually becomes their own families. It's very important to maintain close family relationships. Even as the family expands and they become extended family members and new family members, it kind of goes back to the blended family where I believe my children's in-laws are now my family.

We have to keep them close and care about everyone, but we have to be sensitive to their family's lifestyles and the way they have raised their children and the things that the adult children want to do in their family and sharing them and the grandchildren with the in-laws. And so as you get to these experiences and you see your desire to be inclusive and to welcome those in, it doesn't mean that you're compromising your values. It doesn't mean that suddenly because your children are expressing something different as adults that they no longer value their upbringing, but they are becoming their own people.

They're adapting to their own culture and to their own needs. And so those type things should be complements to the work that you've done as a parent rather than viewing them as a compromise. There are many things that you can do to create family unity and start new traditions so that everyone is included.

I think today with social media, it's a lot easier to do that. To see these family units become expansive and bringing people and loved ones in that now share in what we're doing. As well, we realize if we've done this correctly, then we're still going to carry strong influence into our children's lives. As we've been parents, how many times have we looked back to our parents for some advice, some counsel, some encouragement? And it's a wonderful position to be in where you can provide that support to your adult children.

It's a wonderful opportunity to expand the family and look at new things and enjoy new adventures together that you would never have thought of before. As we stay close to our children and when they become adults and start their own families, we learn that the things that are important to them now become important to us. And that's the way you really maintain the close family is you're not arbitrary in your interest and expecting them to conform. But through your love for them, you're still prevalent in their lives and you're still of influence.

And you still have that family intimacy based on all of those things because you love them. When you can remain close to your children and be there without being demanding that they do things your way, when they struggle or have a situation where they need some advice, they'll know you're there to turn to you. Inevitably, they're going to face the same challenges as parents that we faced with them. And if we have that relationship, there's every bit the possibility that you can provide encouragement and support and empathy in those moments and encouragement that you too will be a successful parent. You know, as I look at it, when we were growing up, I always viewed the strongest influence in my life to be my parents. But now as we've kind of come through this and we're to the point where we have adult children, I'm beginning to realize when it's all said and done, it'll probably be our children who have the strongest influence on us. There's always this transitioning of roles where we were once children and we became parents. And now we transition into this time where we will one day not only see them as parents, but also support and caregivers to us.

Parenting adult children takes on a different role and different expressions, but you're still very much a parent carrying on with your influence in their lives. It's a very exciting time and can prove to be a wonderful relationship amongst adults, even though they're still our children. We thank you for being with us for this episode. It has been an incredible series on parenting and we thank you for joining and supporting. We have one episode left and we pray you'll join us for that as we close out this time together in our series on parenting.

Again, we thank you and may God bless you. The Salvation Army's mission, Doing the Most Good, means helping people with material and spiritual needs. You become a part of this mission every time you give to the Salvation Army. Visit salvationarmyusa.org to offer your support. And we would love to hear from you. Email us at radio at uss.salvationarmy.org, call 1-800-229-9965, or write us at P.O.

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