Caregivers Looking in the Mirror Without Despair

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Call 866-WINASIA or to see chickens and other animals to donate, go to CritterCampaign.org. He will be strong to deliver me safe, and the joy of the Lord is my strength. The joy of the Lord, the joy of the Lord, the joy of the Lord is my strength. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. That is Gracie and Russ Taft, and a big shout out to Russ and his wife, Tori. They had their 44th anniversary yesterday, and that is quite an achievement. They've got an amazing story, and it's in their book, I Still Believe, and I would highly recommend that book. Russ and Tori have both been on this show before, and I hope we can get them back on again.

They're a wonderful couple, and he's a Gospel recording icon, and I was grateful that he and Gracie were able to do that duet together. That's off of her CD Resilient. Go get a copy of it today. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. Just click on the donate button, whatever you want to do to help support this with any kind of tax-deductible gift. I don't care what it is. Just if you like what you're hearing, get involved.

We'll send you a copy of that CD. John, I want to end up with one last thing here. That's what they all say.

We'll probably circle back to this on other shows. I think that for caregivers, and this may be much deeper than we can get into in eight minutes, but we'll do the best we can. I think for a lot of caregivers, we're so busy looking at the externals.

There's two reasons. One of the externals are consuming so much of us, but we point to other people as the source of our discontent, and I think that that may be happening on a national level. This side is pointing, that side, this side, that side is pointing, this side, and it's their fault that I'm not happy. It's their fault that this is a problem.

If they would just stop doing this, I would be okay. But I have a group of friends who have helped me change my perspective, and I've been working on this for many years, and these are core friends. And with their help, I've been able to look. Instead of my circumstances, I've been able to look in the mirror.

I've never wanted to look in the mirror, because every time I look in the mirror, I see flaws, and I see faults, and I see everything that is wrong with me, and I feel shame, regret, embarrassment, all those kinds of things when I do that by myself. But when I have core people who care about me, stand beside me as I look at myself, they're able to help me point out, hey, that looks good. That's pretty cool right there. That's special. That's valuable. That's important. This is worthy.

There's the word. This is why I do the show, because I want to stand next to as many caregivers as I possibly can and help them face that mirror without falling apart in despair and shame and regret and heartache and instead see worthiness and see something of value and see something of beauty and joy. People have done this for me. John does this for me. I would be remiss and I'd be a lousy person if I didn't offer this same thing to other people. So I would like to end the show today.

John and I are saying this in concert together. That would you would you just take just a tiny leap of faith to be willing to look in the mirror and see yourself not as all the flaws that come rushing out at you, but see yourself as a beautiful example of love and compassion. I don't care how many mistakes you're making. You will never make as many as I have.

But you're still doing it. And that's worthy and that's valuable. This is how God sees you as worthy and valuable. And he knows all your faults.

I had a guy calling the show about a week or two ago, and on the broadcast show, and he said, you know, his wife told him that she had had some illnesses lupus and some other things, but he was in love with it and he and she said you know all this about me and you still want to marry me. And he laughed. He said, Well, well, yeah. And I thought, gosh, that's the gospel right there. God knows all these things about you.

He still wants you still sent a son to die for you on the cross. That's the whole point of it. And as a caregiver, I can only say to you from my own experience that if you're willing to take a leap of faith and stop looking at the people in your life that may be driving you absolutely barking mad. And instead, slow down and look at the mirror with trusted friends. And if you've got no one else but just John and I on this show, we'll stand there with you and we will affirm that in your life. Oh, yeah, look at that. Man, that is spectacular.

Look at look at look at this right here. That is beautiful. That is worthy. You are why I do the show.

John, close us out. Well, one thing that I wanted to that really spoke to me on that is that it is really, really difficult to see the wonderful, just awesome things. And I mean that in the in the in the biblical way of awesome things about who we are as people. And this is not a way to be arrogant or terrible about things or just self-centered or anything.

No, it's just honest. This is yeah, it's honest and it's and it's a little bit and it's a correction from what happens when we're a caregiver is that it is very, very easy to see our flaws because they're oftentimes just rather large and and and prominent in their effect. But to see the things that go right, to see the things that we did that were wonderful and like you said, beautiful or poetic or lyrical is just very difficult sometimes because, oh, it just went it worked out. You know, of course, we didn't see that it worked out. There wasn't anything nagging on us to remind us about it. It just worked and we were deft about things. And I have found we're here.

We're here to we're here to point that out for you. In my 35th year now, I have found that it is almost impossible to do that alone. It is just almost impossible, if not impossible.

I can't say it's impossible, but I have not found it possible to do that alone. I have had to have the support of people around me who stood by me as I. Timidly and frightened, held up a mirror and was willing to see something besides the flaws. Hey, Peter. That's a beautiful thing you're doing. Think about that next time you look in the mirror.

I think about that. And I I've I've learned to be not quite so frightened about it and not so despair. I think despair is even better word than frightened. Because we do see our flaws so much that it causes us to spare and I can't tell you how many tearful conversations I've had with caregivers who are just beating themselves without mercy.

I mean, with no mercy. Over their mistakes or over this or that or whatever. And I quite truthfully can't count how many I've had with other people when I did the same thing. But let me tell you, when you have that conversation with someone who sees you for who you are and is willing to stand next to you and not allow this thing to go down into the the go off the cliffs of insanity, if you will.

The pits of despair to do a double Princess Bride metaphor. That is the first step towards being a healthier caregiver. That is your first step. Is accepting the fact that you are doing something extraordinary. You're caring for another human being, however poorly you may think you're doing it, you're still doing it. And if the only people that you know that will stand with you on that is John and me, then this is the show for you.

This is the place for you. We'll do it because others have done it for us. And it is a privilege to do it for others. Healthy caregivers. Make better caregivers. It's just that simple.

Hope for the caregiver dot com. John, thank you as always for just a wonderful conversation. You are. Thank you. You're the guy that helps me look in the mirror. I gotcha. But see you next week. We'll see you next week. Hope for the caregiver dot com. Thanks so much.