A mental health check-in with your kids with therapist David Gray. Part 2

Hey, and welcome back to Words of Life. If you listened last week, you would have heard part one of my conversation with licensed therapist David Gray. And today is part two of that conversation where we spend a good bit of time talking about social media.

Again, these two episodes, we wanted to just be a back to school moment that we could just offer parents a time to hit pause and check in with their kids' mental health as they start a new school year. To find additional information, resources and articles mentioned by David through these two episodes, you can click on the show notes in whatever podcast or you're listening or visit our website at wordsoflifepodcast.org. Want to share the gospel with others but aren't sure how?

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That's bringyourbible.com. We say in so many ways, being a kid today is no different than when we were kids or even when our parents were kids. Social pressures are very much the same but we cannot understate how much social media has elevated all of those pressures in a way that we probably truly can't understand if we didn't grow up with social media. How much influence is social media having on our kids now? The answer to that is a huge amount of influence and really the data and the research is just coming out because social media in a lot of ways is still so new. We're just kind of starting to see adults who grew up in or young adults that grew up in a social media environment. But when we think about the aspect of the difference between, I'm going to tell my age a little bit, but from when I started high school and cell phones were like in a bag and used for emergencies and when I got out of college and suddenly you could get the internet on a phone, the difference there is just astronomical in a very short amount of time. And the human mind, especially the young human mind, really is not designed to take in this amount of information that quickly. The amount of knowledge that a third grader is getting now is the equivalent to a high school degree in 1900.

I don't have that statistic exactly but it's something along those lines. And so when we think about everything that we're cramming into these young minds so rapidly, it's very challenging and that's just the academic knowledge and now we're requiring our children to grow up emotionally much more quickly. And there's kind of a strange issue that's happening here where adolescence is getting longer, right, children are living at home for longer and longer periods of time, frequently into their early 20s, and at the same time the age at which they become socially responsible is much younger. Sometimes 10, 11, 12 years old, parents are giving children social media and allowing them to go into the world and experience all of these aspects of life that were not available to us as early as 30 or 40 years ago. And so it's huge pressures not only to conform to social media but to have that social media presence and a social media identity. Before I came on the show I was reading something that as many as 7% of social media profiles are fake profiles.

They're just put out there to make people want to be influenced. And we've got to remember these are young kids that don't understand that so when they see a child their age with all of the expensive outfits and going on these trips and things they think that that is the reality of other kids and it's just not. You know in this world of social media one of the most important things that we should be doing as parents is educating ourselves on all of these platforms.

You know I have had some conversations with some parents who they themselves may not be all that interested in it and they kind of dismiss it as you know that's my kids thing. Well yes it is and so therefore you need to be educated on what's going on because there's a lot of dangers out there and you need to know every account that your kid has because that one that you follow may not be the only one. Well and that awareness absolutely is key and it means that we have to be vigilant, we have to be diligent, we have to be unlikable at some times and be the parent that's going to say I'm going to look at your phone right now. I know that you know there's this idea that for some reason our cell phones are this incredibly private item almost like a journal or a diary and I don't understand where that's come from.

My personal theory it's because people use their phones for sin and that's the reality of it is you know everybody's hiding something on their phone but I talk to my children all the time that you know if you can't leave your phone right there and let me read the next text message that comes up you need to think about the conversations that you're having and I think role modeling this as parents is hugely important as well. What is our social media presence look like? How much time are we spending on Facebook? What pictures are we posting? What websites are we engaged in? You know we have to role model those good decisions to our children and if we're on Facebook 24-7 our children are going to be doing that.

If we're posting inappropriate pictures our children are going to be doing that and I'm you know I'm challenging dads out there especially because you know unfortunately and this is a whole other aside topic but you know the internet is designed to entrap men in sinful in sin and I think that as men we have to role model to our sons and really talk to our sons about appropriate use of the internet staying on top of what are they visiting knowing those accounts and just being constantly vigilant. Well let's shift gears a little bit if you're a parent of a kid about this age I'm sure this past summer you saw the new Inside Out movie and as a parent of a daughter that's exactly Riley's age it was incredible to watch because of the accuracy of everything. One of the things that came out of that movie that I really loved was all of Riley's islands and so she had her family island and her hobby island and just the importance of just nurturing each of those parts of her personality and her identity. As a mental health care provider you know did that resonate with you as well? It does I actually was I've been really impressed with both of those movies I went and saw that as well and I have a daughter right at that age and I think when we look at Riley from that movie she is transitioning from in the last episode we talked about where we were with Erickson where she was transitioning through industry versus inferiority right Riley has become great at hockey she knows that she's industrious she's successful as a person and she's moving into forming her identity who is she going to be as an adolescent or as a as a young woman and all of those islands they kind of go to war with each other and we see this in our children where they want a hug before they go to bed but they certainly don't want their friends to know about that and so as that identity develops I think we need to foster that it's based on the values that we have in our home I think it needs to be based on where we are culturally and what is appropriate so as parents we have to continue to bolster those areas but also recognizing that new islands are going to crop up and it's okay to find a balance between all of those and I think all of us can sit here and say wow I'm a very different person than I was when I was 13 or 25 or whatever and so I think fostering that in our children as well and letting them to to appropriately explore their identity and working with them to really be the person that God wants them to be want to share the gospel with others but aren't sure how here's a great way to start join bring your bible day on October 3rd you'll share God's truth alongside thousands of Christians across the country bring your bible to school bring it to work bring it everywhere whether you're a student young adult or parent you can join in and share the gospel register for bring your bible day at bring your bible dot com that's bring your bible dot com you know through these past two episodes especially talking about back to school this is just one of those reminders as a parent to especially if they're going into a new school go to those school tours make time for those parent teacher meetings know what your kid is talking about when they get home and say oh this happened in this class or I can't believe this teacher did this and I know what that school looks like I know who that teacher is and I can send them an email tonight I just think that's so vital to just be involved in their school absolutely and you know be be silly with your kids adopt some of their vocabulary adopt you know do your best to connect with them on the level that they understand but let them make fun of you when you don't fit in you know our job is not to cap exactly you know our job is not to our job is not to be cool right like parents I think they sit there and say oh I want to be the cool dad well the cool dad is the one that takes care of their child the best and sometimes the cool dad is the one that sets boundaries and makes you know make sure that their child is living inside of those constraints that are healthy boundaries and so you know find ways for your children to connect with you and recognize that there is a disparity in age and that you grew up a little bit differently and you're not going to understand a hundred percent and going to them and say well help me do the best you can to make me understand because it is a different world and I think it's okay to be a little ignorant to that your your kids will come around and you'll learn a ton from them you know if you missed last week's episode I do want to reiterate if you're a parent and you're witnessing your kid really having a hard time and not coping with the pressures and stresses of a new school year social life what are some great next steps to get them some help absolutely I think you know number one is is just be involved in your child's life and ask lots of questions set aside that time not every week but every day whether it's a car ride or dinner or an opportunity before bed to really check in with your child and build that relationship and maintain that trust with them even when mom and dad aren't cool our kids still want that attention from us so giving your child the attention they deserve being available to them I think is number one and then asking those tough questions you know how are things going recognizing that they have challenges in their everyday life and empathizing with that and really being connected to their experience in this world and then not being afraid to ask for help as I said before reaching out to teachers guidance counselors at the school coaches are a great resource sometimes even your children's friends can be a resource you know they might let you know that hey we're seeing this in your son or daughter and we care about them and and creating a community around your child and then you know never be afraid to ask for professional help you know I'm a licensed clinical social worker I miss things I make mistakes I am not perfect dad I I'm sitting here right now thinking of the dozen things that I've missed in the last month the places that I could have done better as a father so have forgiveness for yourself but ask for help when you need it we just want to say a huge thank you again to David Gray thank you for sharing your time and your wisdom with us if you're a parent and you have kids that have just gone back to school we really pray that this has been a huge encouragement to you again to find any of the resources or articles that David has mentioned throughout these two episodes you can find links in our show notes in whatever podcast or you're listening or go to our website words of life podcast.org and again if you or your child needs to speak to someone immediately within the us you can dial 988 and speak to someone confidentially 24 7 that's 988 thank you so much again for listening and we'll see you next week The Salvation Army's mission doing the most good means helping people with material and 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Thanks so much for listening to words of life we want to thank the team at life audio for their partnership with us on the show visit life audio.com where you'll find dozens of other faith centered podcasts in their network they have shows about prayer bible studying parenting and more thanks again for listening we'll see you next time hi friend are you stressed maybe even worried about so many needs around you that you've forgotten you are worth taking care of too well i'm bonnie gray the host of breathe the stress less podcast i want to invite you to join me as i share practical tips based on science inspired by god's word to help you spark joy and restore god's peace and love to your soul subscribe now and go to life audio.com the historical jesus podcast is the sweeping saga of the life and times of galilean jesus of nazareth as well as the faith religion and church founded to honor and disseminate his acts and teachings join me mark vinette on this fascinating journey through time exploring the many great works of christian theology literature architecture music and art inspired by the words and deeds of jesus christ