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August 25, 2019 2:00 am
As your children grow up, dynamics and roles change, but you still remain their mothers and fathers. Today the Israels share their own experience of what it’s like parenting adult children.
Series: Modern Family: a series on parenting
Hi this is Bernie Dick Nelson, welcome to the Salvation Army's wonderful words of life.
Bernie, do you know what today is I don't, Sarah. It's it's a special day really my firstborn, my daughter Hannah.
I don't even know if I can say is the Hannah. She is 20 years old get out today so can we sing happy birthday be birthday.
Happy birthday to you happy but dear had not use me puppy birthday to you is an awesome I'm sure you're 20 years old today is what you know that I love you and I am so proud of you and I just want free tickets when you're performing on Broadway. That's that smart are so in our series on parenting today. Terry and Donna discuss what it's like parenting adult children and things really made me focus on is the way as parents were preparing our kids for the real world, according to a study from CNBC. The percentage of 18 to 34-year-olds living with her parents has been declining in recent years. This means that the parents out there could become empty-nesters sooner than I thought so again, what conversation should parents be having with their kids to prepare them for the move. That percentage kinda surprised me a little bit. I was thinking that young people tended to stay longer with their parents rather than then move on to what you do Bernie. I mean the minute I had a chance to run I did. I will moved in with the family who were were discipling me as a young Christian guy they gave me part-time work. I enrolled in school and I kinda learned life on my own. I don't think that necessarily kicks me out, but we have a mutual friend here at WW OL who told us that his parents after he came home from his freshman year of height of college's hey you, you can't stay here. You got you got to go, you know. And the thing is, if he had stayed with his parents. He says he would've been able to save more money, but he would've spent it on the wrong things so counterproductive. So was a good thing for the helmet. They knew what was best for him regarding I think for me while my parents were chasing me away. They had prepared me for life and a sense of so once you are out was out. You are out. Yeah I'll get back my story just a little different and I shared some weeks ago that I have a divorce in my past. I did leave home at a young age.
By 19 years old, but when my marriage crumbled. I know I turned the place where I felt the most nurturing and supportive.
I went back home and even for a time was there with with my daughter. We didn't stay there very long, but I did go home at least one more time before I can fully launched into the world, but you know I'm I'm grateful that they were ready to receive me with open arms. When that when it happened. So, as always, I hope that this study is an extra blessing to the parents and the parents to be out there for all my all. When I wear where my all our all may God my role significantly changes parents want our children become adults are used to be somewhat comical in saying that my parents never really thought of me beyond about 14 years of age and even when I was in college and early adulthood. Always believe they were still approaching me and treating me as though I was 14 and then I began to have adult children and I think I had progressed where I treat them were there about 50 but the reality is, it is a difficult transition to give up those things that you think of in terms of a caregiver and a guardian and still have the strong parental influence into your adult children in their lives and what eventually becomes their own families is very important to maintain close family relationships, even as the family expands in their become extended family members and new family members kinda goes back to the blended family where I believe my children's in-laws are now my family have to keep them close and care about everyone but we have to be sensitive to their families, lifestyles, and the way they have raised their children and the things that the adult children want to do in their family and sharing them in the grandchildren with the in-laws and so is you get to these experiences and you see your desire to be inclusive and to welcome those in it doesn't mean that you're compromising your values. It doesn't mean that suddenly because your children are expressing something different.
As adults, that they no longer value their upbringing but they are becoming their own people are adapting to their own culture into their own needs and so those type things should be complements to the work that you've done is apparent.
Rather than viewing them as a compromise. There many things that you can do to create family unity and start new traditions so that everyone is included, think today was social media is a lot easier to do that to see these family units become expansive and bringing people and loved ones in that now share and what were doing as well.
We realize we've done this correctly, they were still going to carry strong influence into our children's lives as we've been parents. How many times have we look back to our parents for some advice, some counsel, some encouragement and it's a wonderful position.
The BN where you can provide that support to your adult children. It's a wonderful opportunity to expand the family and look at new things and enjoy new adventures together that you would never have thought of before.
As we stay close to our children when they become adults and start their own families. We learned that the things that are important to them now become important to us and that's the way you really maintain the close family is you're not arbitrary in your interest and expecting them to conform, but through your love for them. You're still prevalent in their lives and you're still of influence and you still have that family intimacy based on all those things because you love them when you can remain close to your children and be there without being demanding that they do things your way when they struggle or have a situation where they need some advice. They'll know you're there to turn to you.
Inevitably, there are going to face the same challenges as parents that we faced with them and if we have that relationship. There is every bit the possibility that you can provide encouragement and support and empathy in those moments, and encouragement that you too will be a successful parent was a look at it when we were growing up always viewed the strongest influence in my life to be my parents but now is we can't come through this and were to the point where we have adult children. I'm beginning to realize when it's all said and done, it'll probably be our children who have the strongest influence on us is always this transitioning of roles, where we were once children and we became parents, and now we transition in this time where we will one day not only see them as parents, but also support caregivers DOS parenting adult children takes on a different role and different expressions, but you're still very much apparent carrying on with your influence in their lives.
Very exciting time and can prove to be a wonderful relationship amongst adults, even though there still are children. We thank you for being with us for this episode. It is been an incredible series on parenting and we thank you for joining and supporting we have one episode left and we pray you will join us for that. As we close out this time together in our series on parenting.
Can we thank you and may God bless you.
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