Finding a New “Normal”

Hi, for the Salvation Army, I'm Bernie Dake. And I'm Lori Miller. Welcome to Wonderful Words of Life. Hi, Bernie. Hey, Lori. Welcome back again.

Thank you. You know, last week we started discussing tragedy and grief, and Aliada said that the first thing that came to mind when she heard those words was PTSD, which is post-traumatic stress disorder. You know, it was really interesting to me to hear that. You know, PTSD isn't just reserved for someone who has witnessed something horrific of the horrors of war or something like 9-11 or something terrible like that.

PTSD can impact anyone, and the stress of any trauma can stick around long after we thought we were over something. Lori, one of the things that my wife and I have come to appreciate about you is your willingness to be vulnerable and to share from time to time. And one of the things that our listeners may not know is that you're a widow. Absolutely. And, guys, if you've looked at the picture or if you've seen Lori online, you'll understand that Lori's not, you know, a 90-year-old woman.

She's a young woman. Fairly. And she, in my brain, it was too soon to lose anybody. Right. But did you go through any kind of PTSD?

I did. You know, Keith passed away suddenly. He was 44, and he passed away suddenly at Christmas time, December 15th, just a few weeks before Christmas. And so my main goal at that point in time was kind of walking my children, who were still very young, 15, 14, and 12, around those ages, walking through it. And I didn't realize the impact that that had on me for another year. And I thought I was doing great. It had been a year. And Christmas came around again, and I was completely blindsided by what was told to me was PTSD. Wow. Yeah.

And so I had no idea during that year that it would hit me as it did on that one-year anniversary. And so it's not something necessarily that happens immediately, and it can happen at various times in your life. And there, as we talked about last week, there is no time limit on this stuff. No, absolutely not. But you can get through it. Absolutely. There's all types of ways to get through it, and it can take time. It can take time. And again, though, being vulnerable and sharing with one another in regard to mental health is sort of how God redeems our story.

Yeah. It's the redemption of my story every time I share. And so, yeah, please share your story. Share your situation. Share your pain.

Share your transitions and joys in life with other people. And sometimes you don't have to feel like you need to be vulnerable to someone else. No. Helping other people is one way to get through PTSD or go through a mental health sort of crisis. Absolutely. Or if you are someone who just needs to be alone, then meditation is important.

Oh. And we at Wonderful Words of Life, of course, as Christian people, think that using the Bible as a source to meditate on so that you have good godly wisdom being poured into your brain is one way to deal with that, for sure. Absolutely. And I found, too, that those rituals in our life, those things that were normal to us were very, very important in those immediate days of grief and loss and PTSD.

And so going to church and those kind of structured activities were very important for us. It's great for our listeners to hear this because I know that a lot of this is getting to you via the internet and through social media. So while we're excited that you follow us on social media, if you're someone who has access to the internet and you're looking up information about dealing with depression and getting through it, well, you know, togetherness, meditation, helping others, those are things we've mentioned.

Absolutely. But if you're searching for an answer, there's ways that you can find help. And we want to just let you know we'll be posting some great resources on our social media and where you can find help if you need it. So let us know how we can pray for you, or if you're willing, share your testimony with us so we can encourage other people. You can email us at radioatuss.salvationarmy.org. God bless you.

Thank you. You know, over the last several weeks, we've talked about mental health, we've talked about depression, we've talked about age groups and different challenges that we face. Last week, we were really talking about when tragedy strikes. And I think we're going to kind of follow that up with the idea of where do we go from here? How do we deal with something?

What's the new normal? Are the notes that I have? But can I put you on the spot for a second?

Here's the idea. Several years ago, I got a call from my wife while I was traveling that they had called the family in, and my brother-in-law was going to go home. In the salvation army, we say he was going to be promoted to glory. He was dying from cancer. And they told us that he might have a week to live.

And in fact, that was the case. He did not quite live for two weeks. And the family rallied around him. We prayed over him. We often would dab his mouth and gums with water just to keep him, the idea of, you know, just as the deer pants for the water, that imagery. He needed that.

He was thirsty. But he loved the Lord. He never cursed God. Having been stricken with this disease, he didn't feel that was of God.

He just could have been any number of causes. But I didn't know what to pray. I didn't know what scripture to read.

I didn't know how to comfort my wife. And a wise person said to me, you know, Bernie, it's just a ministry of presence. Just be present in the situation. Listen. If they need something, go do it. Get it done.

If God wants you to pray something, he'll give you the words. Does that kind of ring true? Is that for you? Does that seem like the best thing we can do is sometimes just be present? Absolutely. I think in terms of everything that we've talked about over these series of weeks, in terms of going from feeling overwhelmed to depression, how it's broken up, even with tragedy, the best thing we can do is be there for someone.

And it can be in any capacity, just sitting there, bringing food. But being able to assist them as they chart their own path through whatever they're going through is the start to getting to a new norm. In terms of that, one of the things of the highlight for this particular segment is what to do when my faith takes a hit.

And James 2 and 26 tells us that, you know, faith without work is dead. And so God gives us the faith to move forward, but we have to put some practical things in place in order to move forward with whatever the new norm. It might be going to see a clinical therapist and actually talking about your concerns. It might be just coming to the realization that you do need some help or even utilizing medication to help you get from day to day.

But all of that takes work. So I do believe that the first thing to do, whether you're seeking to help someone or help yourself, is giving yourself the opportunity and the time to just grasp your new norm, understand what that is. So I've kind of broken it up in kind of a few steps. So I would call step one, sitting with whatever your new development is, whether you are grasping with having a new diagnosis or adjusting to a death or a new job or the loss of a relationship. Just giving yourself again that time to be human, to sit with this new occurrence. Step two would be to have someone you can turn to.

That's where that ministry of presence comes in. You can't be there for someone if you're not actively where they are at the moment. And then step three is knowing when you are ready. If you have to give up, give yourself some time, understand that you may take a couple steps forward and five steps back. But that's okay because that's the process in life. And I think that's what gets us into this state of being overwhelmed and out of balance and even out of touch with God sometimes is because we don't give ourselves, we don't give him the opportunity. I think you mentioned earlier that, you know, we pray, but we don't really have an opportunity to sit down and listen to see what God is saying. And so whatever you're doing in order to adapt to a new norm and how to get through what you're going through, understand your pacing in the process and whatever it is that you want to do. Because we live in a society that is expanding, but it's expanding where we have the opportunity to once again isolate ourselves, not come together.

But we know the word said, forsake not the assembly amongst yourselves. And so we should do that more as we learn to our new norm as you're trying to get through whatever situation you're getting through. Man, it kind of rings true for me to hear you say these things as if you're validating the idea that being present for someone is important. But I, when we say you're not alone, it's a hard concept to grasp, but God has never left us alone. You're never alone. You're not forsaken. You may feel like you've been bullied, cast out so that that could be very true in your worldly living. It's true of my life, but God never let me down and he won't let you down either. I think particularly when we use scripture, I find a peace because God's word can't return void. Absolutely.

It's impossible. It will finish what it started. It will finish what it started. And ideally enough, there is about 53 different passages in the Bible that talks about fear nots. And I truly believe that that equates for the 52 weeks we have in the year that there's one instance in the Bible that you can find that talks about not fearing for your life. God knew that we would have these ups and downs and turns and spins, but he's giving us encouragement through the various Bible characters that are there to show that they've come through some rough experiences.

And he knew that we would too. And so we just have to reach out and have that connection. I cannot overestimate the need for you to understand who you are in the process. You might not have all the pieces of the puzzle, but as long as you have a few of them, you'll be OK. Yeah. One step at a time. You are a child of God.

That's an important thing to remember, which means if he is the king of kings, then you are a prince or a princess. And it's OK to have a confidence in that and to stand firm in the faith, knowing that God, there is a king that's looking after you, looking out for you. And whatever your situation, if your faith takes a hit, if your confidence takes a hit, stand firm on the word of God and know that he has never forsaken you. And I just pray that as people have an opportunity to hear this, that they would be blessed by the encouragement that you've given us in this series. And if there's something that we can do to be more helpful for you, please don't hesitate to reach out to us through the Soundcast app or by emailing us at radio at uss.salvationarmy.org. Or if you need to get in touch with someone locally, please find a Salvation Army near you and reach out.

Someone there will be available to help you. Thanks for joining us. Aliyata, thanks for being here. Thank you.

God bless you. The Salvation Army's mission, Doing the Most Good, means helping people with material and spiritual needs. You become a part of this mission every time you give to the Salvation Army. Visit salvationarmyusa.org to offer your support. And we would love to hear from you. Email us at radio at uss.salvationarmy.org, call 1-800-229-9965, or write us at P.O.

Box 29972, Atlanta, Georgia, 30359. When you contact us, we'll send you our gift for this series. It's totally free for listeners like you, one per household, while supplies last. You can also subscribe to our show on iTunes or your favorite podcast store and be sure to give us a rating. Just search for Wonderful Words of Life. Follow us on social media for the latest episodes, extended interviews, and more. And if you don't have a church home, we invite you to visit your local Salvation Army worship center. They'll be glad to see you. This is Bernie Dake inviting you to join us next time for The Salvation Army's Wonderful Words of Life. Music