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October 27, 2019 2:00 am
As Aleata and Bernie continue the discussion on grief, today they discuss the process in finding a new normal. Many traumas aren’t something any of us can “get over”, instead, Aleata discusses the process of finding a new “normal” and how we can offer a ministry of presence by just being there for someone going through a hard time.
Series: HEADSPACE/ a series on mental health
-The Salvation Army company Dick Lori Miller, welcome to the wonderful words of life.
Hi Bernie hey Lori, welcome back again, thank you. Last week we started discussing tragedy and grief and said that the first thing that came to mind when she heard those words was PTSD, which is post traumatic stress disorder. It was really interesting to me to hear that PTSD isn't just reserved for someone who has witnessed something horrific of the horrors of war or something like 9/11 or something terrible like that PTSD can it impact anyone in the stress of any trauma can stick around long after we thought we were ever something Lori one of the things that my wife and I have come to appreciate about you is willingness to be vulnerable and to share from time to time in one of the things that our listeners may not know is that your widow absolutely and the guys if you look at the picture of you seen Lori Oman, you understand that Lori is not know a 90-year-old woman. She's a young woman and she and my brain.
It was too soon to lose anybody right but did you go through any kind of PTSD.
Keith passed away suddenly. He was 44 and passed away suddenly at Christmas time.
On December 15.
Just a few weeks before Christmas and so my main goal at that point in time was walking my children. He was still very young. 515 14 and 12. Around those ages walking through it and I didn't realize the impact that had on me for another year and I thought I was doing great in bidding year and Christmas came around again and I was completely blindsided by what was told to me was PTSD yeah and so I had no idea during that year that it would hit me as it did on that one year anniversary and says not something silly that happens immediately and it can happen at various times in your life.
As we talked about last week. There is no time. Absolutely not. But you can get through absolutely all types of ways to get through it and it can take time, it can take time and again being vulnerable and sharing with one another in regard to mental health is sort of how God redeems our story.
It's the redemption of my story. Every time a share and so on. Yeah please share your story.
Share your situation. Share your pain carrier your transitions and joys in life with other people and sometimes you don't have to feel like you need to be vulnerable to someone else now helping other people's right is one way to get through PTSD or good go through mental health sort of crises absolutely or if you are someone who just needs to be alone than meditation is important we wonderful words of life.
Of course, as Christian people think that using the Bible as a source to meditate on so that you have good godly wisdom being poured into your brain is also one way to do it and I found here that those rituals in our life. Those things that were normal to us were very very important in that in those immediate days of grief and loss, and PTSD and so going to church and those kind of structured activities were very important for us it's great for listeners to hear this because I know that a lot of this is getting to be the Internet through social media.
So overexcited that you follow social media. If you're someone who has access to the Internet and you're looking up information about dealing with depression and getting through it will no togetherness meditation helping others or things we've mentioned. But if you're searching for an answer there. There's ways that you can find help and we want to just let you know will be posting some great resources on our social media and where you can find help if you need it. So let us know how we can pray for you or if you're willing to share your testimony with us so I can encourage other people.
You can email us at email@example.com publisher over the last several weeks. We talked about mental health. We talked about depression.
We talked about age groups in different challenges that we face.
Last week we were really talking about when tragedy strikes, and I think we got kind of followed up with the idea of where do we go from here. How do we do with something, what's the new normal are the notes that I have but can I put you on the spot for sexual. Here's the idea several years ago I got a call from my wife while I was traveling that they had called the family in and my brother-in-law was good. Go home weeks in the Salvation Army, was that he was going to be promoted the glory he was dying from cancer and other told us that he might have a week to live and in fact that was the case.
He did not quite live for two weeks.
The family rallied around him prayed over him. We we often would dab his mouth and gums with water just to keep them. The idea of the no just as the deer pants for the water imagery heat he needed that he was thirsty but he love the Lord.
He never cursed God, having been stricken with this disease. He didn't feel that was of God. He just could have been any number of causes, but I didn't know what to pray. I didn't know what Scripture to read.
I didn't know how to comfort my wife and a wise person said to me you know Bernie, it's just a ministry of presence just be present in the situation. Listen if they need something. Go do it.
Get it done. If God wants you to praise thing he'll give you the words that kind of ring true is that for you.
Does that seem like the best thing we can do is sometimes just be present absolutely. I think in terms of everything that we've talked about over the series of weeks in term of going from failing all the way to depression.
How is broken even when tragedy the best thing we can do is be there for some wine and it can be any capacity just sitting there bringing food but being able to assist them as they chart their own path through whatever they're going through is the start to get into a new norm in terms of that one of the things of the highlight for this particular segment is what to do when my faith takes a hit in James two and 26 tells us that you know faith without work is date and so God gives us the faith to move forward by we have to put some practical things in place in order to move forward. Whatever the new norm. It might be going to see a clinical therapist and actually talking about your concerns.
Amen. Might be just coming to the realization that you do need some help, or even utilizing medication to help you get from day to day, but all of that takes work.
So I do believe that the first thing to do.
Whether you're seeking to help someone or help yourself is giving yourself the opportunity and the time to just grasp your new norm understand what daddy is. I'm stuck on a broken it up in kind of a few steps. I will call step wine I'm sitting what whatever your new development is whether you are grasping weight, having a new diagnosis or adjusting to a dance or a new job with a loss of relationship.
I'm just giving you south again next time. To be human to sit with this new occurrence. Step two would be to have someone you can turn to whatever ministry of presence comes the and you can't be there for someone if you're not actively where they are at the moment, and then step three is knowing when you are ready. If you have to give up and give yourself some time.
Understand that you may take a couple steps forward and five steps back, but that's okay because that's the process in life and I think that's what gets us into this state of being overwhelmed and out of balance and even out of touch with God sometimes is because we don't give our sales we don't give him the opportunity.
I think you mentioned earlier that you know we pray, but we don't really have opportunity to sit down and listen, say, see what God is saying, and so on. Whatever you doing in order to adapt to a new norm and how to get through what you're going through.
Understand you are pacing in the process and whatever it is that you want to do because we live in a society that is expanding, but is expanding where we had the opportunity to once again isolate ourselves not come together, but we know the word safe estate, not assembly a much as sales and so we should do that more as we learn to our new norm, as you're trying to get through whatever situation you're getting through it kind of rings true for me to hear you say these things as if you're validating the idea that being present for someone is important, but I when we say you're not alone. It's a hard concept to grasp God has never left us alone you're never alone you not forsaken. You may feel like you've been bullied, cast out so that could be very true in your worldly living. That's true of my life. But God never let me down and he won't let you down either. I think what particularly when we use Scripture I find peace because God's word can't return void.
It's Impossible It Will Finish What It Started to Finish My Started and Ideally Enough.
There Is about 53 Different Passages in the Bible That Talks about Fear Not, and I Truly Believe That It Data Equates for the 52 Weeks. We in the Year That Is One Instance in the Bible That You Can Find That Talks about Not Fearing for Your Life and God Knew That We Would Have These Ups and Downs Interns and Spans, but He's Giving Us Encouragement through the Various Bible Characters That Are There to Show Dad Dave Kemp through Some Rough Experiences and He Knew That We Would Sue.
And so We Just Have To Reach out and Have That Connection.
I Cannot Overestimate the Need for You to Understand Who You Are in the Process. You Might Not Have All the Pieces of the Puzzle. But As Long As You Have A Few of Them. You'll Be Okay. One Step at a Time. You Are a Child of God. That's an Important Thing to Remember Which Means If He Is the King of Kings. You Are a Prince or a Princess. The It's Okay to Have a Confidence in That to Stand Firm in the Faith, Knowing That There Is a King That's Looking after You Looking out for You and Whatever Your Situation, If Your Faith Takes a Hit. If Your Confidence Takes a Hit, Stand Firm on the Word of God and No That He Is Never Forsaken You. I Just Pray That Everest Is People Have an Opportunity to Hear This, That They Would Be Blessed by the Encouragement That You've Given Us in the Series and the If There's Something That We Can Do to Be More Helpful for You, Please Don't Hesitate to Reach out to Us through This Outcaste App or by Emailing Us at firstname.lastname@example.org or if you need to get in touch with someone locally please find a Salvation Army near you and reach out someone there will be available to help you.
Thanks for joining us all the thanks for being here.
Thank you God bless you Salvation Army's mission doing the most good means helping people with material and spiritual needs. You become a part of this mission every time you give to the Salvation Army visit Salvation Army USA.org to offer your support. We would love to hear from you. Email us at email@example.com or call 1-800-229-9965 or write us at PO Box 29972, Atlanta, GA 30359 20 contact us will send you our gift for this series is totally free for listeners like you, one per household, while supplies last. You can also subscribe to our show on iTunes or your favorite podcast store and be sure to give us a rating. Just search for wonderful words of life follow some social media for the latest episode extended interviews and more.
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