The Ultimate Father-Son Chat

The principle of spiritual imitation requires modeling. It's one thing to lecture about the truth, it's another thing to live out the truth. And our children really don't care if we delineate the truth, if we have no desire whatsoever to demonstrate the truth.

This is where every parent here, this is where it gets hard, right? Because we know we're not perfect. There are times when we do not model the truth. But listen, it's at these moments when we're not perfect and when we blow it that we actually have an opportunity to demonstrate confession, to model how to ask the Lord for forgiveness. Today we have an important lesson from God's Word for parents. God doesn't gauge your parental successes on how well your kids do in school or how often they attend church.

His standard is very different. God wants you to teach your children His wisdom. I think we'd all agree that we want our children to be wise and that helping children gain wisdom is the job of parents and grandparents.

But in the busyness of everyday life, things like haircuts and bath times seem to dominate our conversations. King Solomon was committed to helping his son be wise. Stephen Davey will teach you about Solomon's perspective today on wisdom for the heart. Several years ago, I came across an unusual story of a man named Larry Walters. It is an unusual story about this man in his famous chair and I thought of him when I began to study this particular text.

You'll see why in a minute. It seems that Larry had a lifelong dream to fly. When he graduated from high school, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot, but his poor eyesight ended that particular dream. When he left the service, he enjoyed sitting out in his lawn chair watching the fighter jets that crisscross the skies over his backyard.

One day, Larry Walters got an idea. With the help of his girlfriend, they bought some helium tanks and weather balloons from a local Army-Navy surplus store. They told the store owner they were going to be using a commercial chute by his company. They filled the balloons, which they tied to his lawn chair, and he climbed into the lawn chair with some sandwiches, some drinks and his trusty BB gun. The lawn chair was anchored by a rope to the bumper of his jeep. His plan was to release the rope, hover two or three hundred feet in the air, and then pop a few of the balloons with his BB gun when it was time to settle back down to the planet.

Lawnchair Larry, as he was about to become known around the world, cut his rope on July 2, 1982. But he didn't float lazily up. He shot upward as if fired from a cannon. And he didn't climb a couple hundred feet. He leveled off at 16,000 feet.

If you can imagine it, three miles high. He didn't know what to do. He was afraid to shoot any of the balloons because that might cause an imbalance and toss him out of his lawn chair. So he just he hung on.

He finally drifted from San Pedro, California, into the approach corridor for the Los Angeles International Airport. A pilot radioed the tower about passing a guy in a lawn chair. A rescue pilot, a helicopter was dispatched, but every time it got near him, the current of wind pushed him dangerously away. Larry finally got up the nerve and he shot one balloon and then another and another. And he slowly descended until the balloons got caught in a power line, causing a neighborhood in Long Beach to experience a blackout. He was, however, able to climb down, whereupon he was immediately arrested.

Imagine that final indignity. He was put under arrest. They charged him with, and I quote, for operating an aircraft without an airworthiness certificate.

Get this. They also charged him for not maintaining contact with air traffic control. As he was being led away by LAPD, a reporter asked, hey, why did you do it? And Larry responded, well, a man can't just sit around.

Isn't that great? Well, obviously, he should have sat around a little longer. He should have thought about it a little more clearly, maybe experimented first. I couldn't help but think of parenting. It's a lot like Larry's flight into space.

No time to experiment. You arrive at the hospital just in time. And then before you're really ready to get out of there, hardly repaired, they're moving you out. Insurance only covers 48 hours.

And we need the room. You barely have time now to recover from the shock of it all before they send you home. And then they charge you, right, for everything. They charge you for using the mirror, everything imaginable. All those people that went into that delivery room, you remember seeing them? They did that so they could bill you later.

You have no idea what they did. And then you have just enough time to hardly unpack and you're home. But you have everything ready at home, don't you? Baby bed, dresser, and all the little nighties and the pajamas with footies and baby lotion. It's all there. Plastic tub for bathing.

Maybe most of this furniture is on loan from friends or family, except for the car seat. But before you know it, you were airborne. You're in flight. And frankly, you're going higher and faster than you planned or imagined. Some moments are exhilarating.

And most of the time it's absolutely exhausting. Maybe you remember how well meaning friends came by and they dropped off a book or gave you some advice on personality development of three month olds and how you better not mess it up. And you were so afraid, weren't you? You soon discovered that there may be a formula.

You can feed them, but there is no formula to raise them. Kind of takes your breath away, doesn't it? Well, for young parents, I have to tell you as an older parent, about the time you figure out the basics of parenting, the ride is over and you're under arrest. I mean, you're an empty nester is what I mean. For those of you who are grandparents, maybe you're flying a new territory now for the first time. God actually has a lot to say about things that really matter. So what I want to do is to, together with you, explore what the Proverbs have to say to parents. We're going to talk about what God seems to be concerned about, and it is much more than food and schedules and percentage points.

Things that matter. Ask the average father today of a middle schooler or a high schooler if he has had the talk. And they'll say, oh, you mean the talk?

Yeah. Have you had the talk? Ask the average father what that talk is about and he'll say, well, it's about the birds and the bees, right?

Now, it's not wrong to have that talk. In fact, Solomon spends quite a bit of time talking about the dangers of being involved immorally with someone you're not married to. What I find fascinating is that while most fathers who would argue that they must have the talk with their sons about sexual matters will never talk to them about scripture or the character of God or eternal life or doctrinal matters that are troubling like election or challenging like eternal security or grace or spiritual gifts or giving. What the church needs and families need is for parents to communicate to their children issues of character and values and priority and submission to God and honesty and on and on and on. And frankly, God knew that we as parents would be all thumbs.

And so he has given us material to prime the pump. Turn to Proverbs chapter four and we'll look at a few verses in what we'll just call the ultimate father son chat. Let me divide our study into two principles that make up a wise session of parental counsel. The first principle is the principle of spiritual edification.

And the objective of this principle is to simply tell them the truth. Notice what Solomon writes in verse one of chapter four. Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father. By the way, this is the first and only place in this book where you hear the word son in the plural form. Since the chapter will refer back then to the singular, it seems that Solomon is making sure, first of all, that this is material for every son, probably in general, every child. Another thing to keep in mind is that although the father is mentioned in this text, both parents and you pick that up in the book of Proverbs are responsible for teaching.

In fact, Solomon will write in chapter one verse eight. Hear my son, your father's instruction, and do not forsake your mother's teaching. It's clear that the teaching of both father and mother are instructive and necessary in the development of the child. However, it seems that the spirit of God is focusing the lens of inspired scripture here at this point in chapter four on the father.

These are issues the father must communicate to the son for their own development. This is the truth about what God says. Teach them, he will say, this instruction, give attention that you may gain understanding. This is about God. This is about God's word. Build them up in the faith.

He begins by delivering the truck and he speaks categorically and he backs it up and he just uses words like instruction. He uses the word law. The Hebrew word is Torah. This is the first five books of the Old Testament. Deliver to them the truth of God. This is Paul's desire toward his children in the faith when he reminded them in Ephesians four to speak the truth in love. We are to grow up in all aspects into him who was the head, even Christ, causing the growth of the body for the edification or the building up of itself in love. See, Solomon is basing his his father, son chat with Ray of Boem on the delivery of the truth in in love. Look at verse two. He says, For I give you sound teaching. Do not abandon my instruction.

Now you could easily look at that and say, Stephen, wait a second. This text is a command that the child should listen to the father. Why are you turning this thing around to deal with the father? Well, it implies that the father has something to deliver. For the child to listen to instruction means the father is to deliver instruction for the child to learn the law of God.

It means the father knows the law of God. The word here for Torah is instructive. It is delivered to them all the principles and precepts of God.

Certainly those that would apply in this dispensation of grace. But all scriptures profitable take them through it, encourage them to learn all of the word of God. This is the principle of spiritual edification.

In fact, it's expanded in Deuteronomy six where Moses records in that familiar text. You shall teach them that is these truths diligently to your sons. You shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, when you rise up. What a wonderful text. We build up and we strengthen our children when we make the word of God a common theme. It's not necessarily an event that occurs at six thirty a.m. or nine p.m. He's talking here about a lifestyle. He's referring to talking, sitting, when you sit, when you lie down, when you take a nap, when you get up, when you're in the fishing boat. That's in the Hebrew text.

You got to look closely there to find it. The truth is your children have questions about spiritual things and they will come up with them at times when you can't put them in your calendar, when you might not even be fully prepared. Someone in our church sent me some brand new questions from kids. I haven't seen these, but they perfectly illustrated what just might come up if we're alert and ready and maybe even provoke our children to talk about the Lord. If these elementary school kids were given the opportunity to ask God one question, here's what they'd ask. Dear God, Neil writes, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that OK? And God would answer, only for weddings, right?

Right. Dear God, in Bible times, did they really talk that fancy? Robert prayed, Dear God, I'm an American. What are you? Dear God, Jane asked, instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you got now?

Some of them didn't have questions, but they had something they wanted to say of these particular kids like Jonathan, who wrote, Dear God, if you let the dinosaur not extinct, we would not have a country. You did the right thing. Just see that intense kid. You did the right thing. Lord Nan wrote, I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world.

There are four people in my family and I can't do it. Joyce writes, you must have felt the same way because she wrote, Dear God, thank you for my baby brother. What I prayed for was a puppy. Elliot wrote, Dear God, I think about you sometimes, even when I'm not praying. I wondered as I read that if Elliot's mom or dad have any idea there are times when Elliot thinks about God, who will guide his thoughts?

Who will answer his questions? Why is it that moms do the bedtime reading? It's a great time for dads to get involved, connect.

You never know what you'll hear. In those unguarded moments, spiritual truth can be reiterated with profound meaning. That leads me to the second thought of wise counsel from parents. It's the principle of spiritual imitation. Now, the first principle of spiritual edification requires mentoring.

The principle of spiritual imitation requires modeling. It's one thing to lecture about the truth. It's another thing to live out the truth. And our children really don't care if we delineate the truth, if we have no desire whatsoever to demonstrate the truth. This is where every parent here gets intimidated.

This is where it gets hard, right? Because we know we're not perfect. There are times when we do not model the truth, but listen, it's at these moments when we're not perfect.

And when we blow it, that we actually have an opportunity to demonstrate confession, to model how to ask the Lord for forgiveness and them as well. Notice what Solomon writes in verse three, as it relates to modeling. When I was a son to my father, which Rehoboam is your grandfather, David, then he taught me and he said to me, verse four, let your heart hold fast my words, keep my commandments and live. Now, Solomon is doing two things here at least. First, he is reinforcing his advice with the past.

He says, listen, Rehoboam, when I was a son like you, I heard the same thing from your grandfather, my father. And that's all right to say, if you have that kind of heritage, that's a wonderful thing to bring into the discussion. Maybe for some of you, you're starting the heritage with your family.

Go for it. One day you'll be able then to pass it on perhaps to the next generation. That's what he's doing here. He's reinforcing his advice with his heritage, the past. He's saying, listen, Rehoboam, when I was a son like you, I heard the same thing. Doesn't this sound a lot like when I was a boy? And don't you remember how you felt when you heard your dad say that?

Oh, no, not again. When I was a boy, let me tell you, I used to walk three miles to a one room schoolhouse in the snow. So stop complaining about the bus ride at six thirty in the morning and be grateful for the lunch you have. Don't waste it.

Why? When I was a boy, I took my lunch to that one room schoolhouse and all it was was one raw potato. Most of the farm boys did the same thing. We put the potato on the big black wood burning stove so that by lunch time it would be cooked through.

And then my mom would give me a little pat of butter and I'd put it on that potato and that'd be my lunch. Come on, nobody did that. My dad did. He did. That's his story. That's his story. He told me he and the other farm boys in Minnesota literally walked through the snow to a one room schoolhouse with a raw potato. Now, how do you complain about not having butterscotch pudding in your lunch box after that story? He said, yes, I did. Of course, all those boys would say, yeah, dad, were you barefoot?

No, no, no. I had one pair of boots. How do you complain when you hear stories of your grandfather arriving in Minnesota in a covered wagon and the difficulties that they had in life? Those are actually encouraging.

They're not depressing. There's something powerful about a heritage that passes on to us the contexts of gratitude and grace and courage and grit and determination and honest work and speaking the truth. When a man's handshake meant something, we need to pass that along.

There's something strengthening about that. Don't hesitate. Tell your children stories about your childhood. Yes, they'll think yours are as strange as I thought my dad's were. Let them know how you struggled or maybe felt out of place. Tell them how the word, the law of God intersected your life. Listen, that is the ultimate father, son, chat. Tell your children how and when you accepted Christ. You ever told them?

That's way more important than the birds and the bees. Solomon is saying, then let me back the tape up, so to speak. When I was a boy, I listened to this instruction from your grandfather, David, who attempted to model it. He didn't do it perfectly.

He did it progressively. Now I'm giving you this treasure. This is the truth of God's word. And Rehoboam, I want you to know that it mattered back then with your grandfather. And it matters today with your father.

And it's going to matter to you now and then, one day. Solomon not only reinforces his advice with the past, secondly, he identifies with his son in the present. Notice again, when I was a son to my father, tender, the only son in the sight of my mother. What does he mean when I was a tender son? Well, the Hebrew text could be translated when I was pliable, when I was impressionable, when I was weak. Solomon is basically saying, I know what it's like to be young.

Whether you can imagine it or not, I know how you feel. And listen, just as your grandfather told me, now I'm passing it along to you. Look at verse five, acquire wisdom.

Go after it now. Don't wait till things begin to harden. When you're tender, when you're impressionable, when you're weak, go after understanding. Verse five, the middle part, do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her wisdom. She will guard you, love her and she will watch over you. Get wisdom.

How many fathers, I stand in line, say, get a haircut, get a job, get your own car, get to work, get an education. How many say, oh, look, all that's great, but get wisdom. You got to have that.

That's what matters. Nothing matters quite so much as this hidden treasure of wisdom. Listen, ladies and gentlemen, you know it's true, you can be an educated fool.

You can be highly paid and miserable. You can have a closet full of clothes and be the most likely to succeed and be filled with yourself. Get wisdom first and foremost. Now look at verse eight, prize her and she will exalt you. She will honor you if you embrace her. Now notice, she will place on your head a garland of grace. She will present you with a crown of beauty.

So in that parent child conversation it goes, sweetheart, let me tell you what real beauty is all about. Let me tell you what's winsome, what will draw people to you. Son, let me tell you what will make you handsome.

Let me tell you what you really ought to wear. What will make you stand up and stand out. It has nothing to do with the way you look. It has nothing to do with a label on your shirt. It has everything to do with who you are. And beyond that, who you know and who you serve.

This is the stuff that lasts. Wisdom delivers, then he is saying, grace and beauty. And in the context of this paragraph, these are not physical attributes. They are the fruit of wisdom in the inner attitude and spirit. You want to have a good father son chat?

Well for starters, it's not a one time event. It's often in life and it just happens. How blessed are the children whose parents care deeply about the hidden treasure of wisdom and communicate to the next generation with this principle of edification to build them up and this principle of imitation to show them how. Charlie Shedd happens to be one of those fathers that I envy.

I'll just admit it. He was a wonderful father and he wrote everything down. He would write letters to his son to save them for later in life when his son could read them. And he wrote them down.

These became books, in fact, letters to Philip and promises to Peter. Let me read you one of his original promises. He told of this event. He said, my son and I were out in the country for a ride. It was evening and wouldn't you know it, we ran out of gas.

We were walking along after we had been to a nearby farmhouse and I was carrying a can of gasoline returning to our car to get it going again. Philip was only four years old at the time. He was playing along. He was throwing rocks at telephone poles, picking flowers, and then all of a sudden it got dark.

Night just came all at once. Philip ran over and put his little hand in mine and said, take my hand, daddy. I might get lost. Later on, Charlie Shedd would write, son, there is a hand reaching to you from the heart of the universe.

If you will lay your hand in his hand, the hand of God, and walk with him, you will never ever get lost. What great advice, lasting encouragement. This is the truth that our children and our grandchildren must hear from our lips. This is what they must see modeled with our lives. Now, it might not change your child's life.

I don't know, but I do know it will change yours. If you're a parent or a grandparent, really anyone with a child in your life, you likely have some goals for that child. You want them to be obedient and respectful. You want them to do their best in school.

All of those are important. The lesson for us today from God's Word is that in the midst of everything we're teaching children, we must help them understand God's wisdom. You're listening to Wisdom for the Heart with Stephen Davey. Stephen first delivered this message to the church he pastors in Cary, North Carolina. I want you to be aware that we've taken this lesson and turned it into a booklet. Because this is such a practical resource for parents, we wanted to have it available in a convenient and easy to share format. This lesson and that booklet is entitled The Ultimate Father-Son Chat. You'll find this booklet in the resource section of our website, but you can also call us for information on how you can get a copy. Call us in the office right now at 866-48-BIBLE.

That's 866-482-4253. I want to encourage you to install the Wisdom for the Heart app. Almost 35,000 people have that installed on their phone and they've listened to one of our lessons over a million times. It's a great way to take Bible teaching wherever you go and you'll find it in either the iTunes or the Google Play stores.

It's free to download and free to use, and I think you'll be glad to have it on your phone or tablet. We're out of time for today, but thanks for listening. We're glad you joined us. Join us again tomorrow for another lesson from Proverbs, right here on Wisdom for the Heart. We'll see you next time.