Relationship Goals // Family Goals // Ephesians 6:1-4 // Pastor Josh Evans

Great worship song and I can think that second song that we sang is amazing as well just to think right now as we're gathered here today there's tons of saints that have gone on before many of you have lost loved ones that are in heaven right now today singing up the praises worthy worthy worthy is the lamb and that's what's happening up in heaven right now I'm looking forward to that day and I hope that you're ready and I hope that you are ready for that day.

Well listen it is so good to see you here at Union Grove and I count it a privilege you being here if we have not met before I'm always reminded each and every week that there's people that slip in from time to time that that are new or just checking things out or maybe you're a guest here today because you have a loved one getting baptized and things like that which we're excited about my name is Josh I would love the opportunity to be able to connect with you and like Pastor David said earlier if you didn't fill one of those new here cards out on your way in we would love for you to take one of those they're in the seat back right in front of you and you can fill one out take it to our welcome center after this we would love to just connect with you and let you know how grateful we are that you are here and and a part of what we are doing here at Union Grove and I wanted to mention one announcement here by way of introduction just before we get into God's Word here today many of you probably saw this on Facebook and but there's a few of you I teach a Bible fellowship class downstairs in fact I asked them just for fun there's a few of them who don't even have the internet at their house in fact and so I was kind of surprised I'm like how in the world do you guys make it each and every day I don't get it and so but you might not have seen this on Facebook this week and but I want you to be aware of this we are nearing groundbreaking which I'm super excited so we've set our groundbreaking date for just a special ceremony that we're going to have with our church and you say you maybe are new or something like that you're like what in the world is happening we have purchased land about a half mile from here on Leonard barrier road and we are going to expand our ministry both church and school we're building a multi-purpose facility out there that's where we will eventually meet hopefully in about a year and a half we'll be meeting there on Sundays on Sunday mornings everything that we do will be there and then during the week that will house our seventh through 12th grade here at the school and and so we have been working just tireless tirelessly to get this to where we are here today and so we are going to gather together on April 7th 5 p.m that's a Sunday out at our future property a half mile from here if you need any directions or anything like that we can help you I know if you're newer you might not have a clue where that is we would love to get you there and we would just love for everybody to be a part of that there's one key thing that I need you to know as we approach this it's going to be a whole ceremony so we're gonna have a service we're gonna sing some songs there'll be some special presentations that night it's something nobody wants to miss but there's one thing everybody in here needs to know going into this it is bring bring your own chair night okay all right and so make sure you bring your chair and we're gonna have some people helping you I told my class this morning in our bible fellowship if you're kind of like man I don't know if I can get out there and and bring my own chair and things like that and we're gonna have some teenagers and different people like helping you and so we just want you to be a part of it and so if you could save the date be a part of that and we are so excited about what God is doing in our church but also excited about what he is planning on doing in our church in the days to come and uh and so make sure you save the date uh to join us for that on April the uh the seventh well listen if you have your bibles today go to Ephesians chapter number six Ephesians chapter number six we are in the final week of our series entitled relationship goals relationship goals and we have been looking at three specific relationships and depending on where you're at here today some of those you might resonate with where you are now and some of them might not it might be something that you might resonate in the future and things like that but we've been looking specifically at the marriage relationship we looked at work relationships which impacts so many of us and what does the scripture say about how we are to treat people that work for you and also treat people that you work for and we looked last week at marriage and things like that hopefully I didn't get any of you in trouble last week okay when you went home and but this week we are going to look at the family relationships we're going to look at family family uh relationships specifically talking about parents to their kids and also kids uh to their uh to their parents and so um this series I just want you to know if you're kind of just jumping in and it's the first week that you've been here uh the goal of all relationships is very simply and what you find in chapters five and six you find this very clear the goal of all relationships is christ-likeness that's the goal so whether that be with your spouse whether that be with your kids whether it be with the people that you work for the people that you work or that work for you all of our relationships should look like christ you find that throughout chapters five and six and I want to remind you I've said this every week of the series it's important that you understand the book of Ephesians and understand how the book was written for you to understand relationships because you are missing the point if you say when you leave here man I'm gonna try really really really hard and I'm gonna do everything that it said but Paul who wrote this this book to a real church much like this one the church at Ephesus he wrote this um this book to the church and here's how he broke it down the first three chapters all about the gospel it's all about what Jesus came to do in your life and the point is once you understand the gospel that's chapters one two and three it will help you live out what he tells you to do in the relationships that you have so it's not about the strength that you have it's about the gospel that is as in at work in your heart living out of you that is where the power comes for you to love your spouse that's where the power comes for you to treat people at work the way that Christ has treated you and that's where you can treat your kids the way that Christ tells us to and also kids you can treat your parents the way that Christ has told us to so today we're going to look at the family relationship the family relationship now I want to say up front that one thing that I'm reminded about every time I get up here to speak it's hard in some ways for for me to talk about these kind of practical elements whether I'm talking about marriage whether I'm talking about kids and different things like that and the reason is is because like last week I had to preach on marriage with my wife sitting on the front row probably rolling her eyes at everything that I told you okay saying he does not do that right and so and today is a little bit different because um this is I was looking back as I as I was preparing for this at any time that I've spoke on parenting and to my knowledge this is the first time I've ever spoke on parenting where I have a child in the room so this is going to be a little bit different and for you so it's a little bit awkward for me but the second thing I wanted you to know and you can resonate with this the only expert so if you think I'm an expert the only experts about parents and parenting are those that have no kids is that true like I feel like it's true like and I mean honestly I mean before we had kids I knew everything there was to know about parenting I knew it all I was ready and and I remember watching other parents you know I was a youth pastor before we had kids and I'd watch other parents raise their kids and I remember I would like you know I would tell my youth leaders how terrible some of our parents were okay I'm just joking somewhat and so but here's the thing it's like I remember thinking and looking at these parents of these teenagers like man when we have kids we're never doing that we're never going to do that I'm never going to let my kids talk to me that way I'm never going to talk to them that way and when I parent I'm going to parent them up exactly the way God wants and it's just going to be this this movie this hallmark movie life that we are going to live in our home and then here's what happened that changed that we became parents and then it just changed everything and so I want you to know that there's no experts in here I can specifically remember and uh when we uh when we had uh Lindley in fact we were at the hospital and we were about to head home and and so when you're in the when you're in the when you're at the hospital uh life is life is good well at least for the guys life is great and so and so um but it's it's fine and everything's working everything's good you know and and if you need anything there's like hallways full of nurses that are just there to help you like whatever you need answer any questions that you have but I will never forget the moment that they came into our room and they told us you are free to go and we had to take this little person home with us and we're like what in the world are we going to do I'm like nurses can y'all just come to our house you know how's this going to work I'm sure the church will pay for it and everything else and so it was like how are we going to figure this out because now you got to raise these kids by yourself which is an incredible responsibility and as we talk about parenting the quick thing for us to do is you want to go like I was thinking about this here today it's like man let's go to the scripture and find some of the the greatest parents and how how we can look at you know a story in scripture that will show you this is the model family that you that you should pattern your family after and here's what I want you to know and some of you if you have a little bit of a dysfunctional family I'm right there in that boat a lot of times here's what I want you to know you can feel really good about your family when you look at some of the families in scripture because listen trying to find that model family was difficult think about Adam and Eve the first family created one of their kids was a murderer you feel better about yourself right now I'm like man I'm doing fairly well you know how about Noah and his family you know they did good you know got on the ark and God blessed them when they got off you know what happened Noah had a serious drinking problem betrayed by one of his sons and then after that what happened he cursed his grandson as a result of it not the typical family unit that we probably want to study here today how about Abraham and Sarah they are awesome and they're patriarchs of the faith but here's the thing they had a lot of issues didn't they like Abraham and Sarah I mean they had a handmaid working for them and they connived a plan for Abram to sleep with Hagar and to have a kid like what kind of messed up family is that and as a result Hagar and Ishmael ended up leaving the family as a result because they were no longer welcome and I can imagine why right messed up how about Lot's family I mean his wife looked back at the sinful city came a pillar of salt and then also you know what did he do there in Sodom he tried to hand his two daughters over and because of some of the younger audience in here I'm not even going to say what he intended to do with them listen messed up messed up family how about Isaac and Rebecca they had favorites okay we struggle okay no I'm just kidding some of you do right some of you do I know my kids always say that to me you favorite or you love them more than than me well they actually did and they connived a plan Rebecca and Jacob connived a plan against against Isaac and Esau there was deception how about Jacob he had favorites as well he followed in their footsteps and not only that I mean his kids were just completely dysfunctional they didn't I mean my kids don't like each other a lot of times but listen I feel like I'm winning as long as one of them doesn't sell the other into slavery at this point and that's what happened in that family right and listen here's all I want you to say about parenting is that I could go on and on in scripture of the dysfunction of the dysfunction that was in some of these these families and so if you're in here today and you feel like you are losing and maybe you're a parent and you feel like man I am losing at this game of parenting and I don't even know what to do and we are struggling and we are dysfunctional and I can't keep it together and every other parent of the kids in my son or daughter's class looks like everything's perfect in their world and we are struggling if that is you I want you to know you are not alone in that it's a difficult battle so I want to ask you real quick just because I want to know who I'm talking to how many of you are parents okay raise your hand all parents okay a lot of you okay and so we're I'm talking about about parenting and here's what I want you to do kids we're going to talk directly to you as well there's a lot of you in here if you're a teenager uh we're going to talk directly to you if you're a young person a child in this room we're going to talk directly to you for a few moments as well along with with your parents but here in Ephesians chapter 6 because I couldn't find a really good model family to model after we're sticking with Ephesians chapter number 6 and we're going to see what the Lord has to say what the apostle Paul is saying and writing to this church about when the gospel takes effect in your heart how does that impact parents and kids and their their relationship you find this in Ephesians chapter 6 it says this verse number one children obey kids I know this is hard obey your parents in the Lord for this is right verse number two honor thy father and we're going to break all this down here in a minute honor thy father and mother which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee and that and thou mayest live long on the earth and you fathers provoke not your children to wrath but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord let's pray together and then we'll dive in father you're so good to us and I'm so thankful for the opportunity that I have to parent and God I'm thankful for my kids I pray Lord in the few moments that I have that I can just share exactly what you would have for me and I pray for every family in this place father that you would just encourage them that you would inspire them but father also that you would convict us where we need conviction and God I pray Lord ultimately at the end of this all of our families would be a picture of Jesus and the way that he treated all of us because that's the picture of what we get in chapter five and six of this book we love you for it's in your name we pray amen so Paul is saying that the goal of the family relationship is Christ's likeness so let's look first at this the responsibilities of the family relationship the responsibilities of the family relationship you could say this the commands given here in these four verses or the imperatives that were given here in these first four verses but there's some specific responsibilities that all of us have as kids but also as as parents and we're going to dissect these together and so the first two responsibilities are directed straight towards the kids so if you're in here today and you have parents raise your hand okay and that's all of us right that have parents right if you have have parents and everything and by the way you're you're here today so you have parents okay all right so some of you are like I don't know and so I'm just like well listen we need to talk after service okay and so but here's the thing you're here today you got parents and so this is there's two specific commands two specific imperatives here directed first towards the kids towards their parents so kids I want you to listen up the first one is this found in verse number one you've heard it a thousand times and I'm hoping that maybe we can share something that is new to you that will help you in your relationship the first thing that we have to do is this obey your parents how much more simplistic can you get the word obey it means this because I want you to understand this it means to submit to or to harken to in fact the word obey is the same word in the Greek that is used in verse number five if you look down at verse number five when it tells servants to be obedient to their masters okay so in other words like none of us would argue if you go to work for somebody right you go to work for anybody any company any organization or any individual you go to work for them you are considered the servant you are considered the employee and whatever your master gives you to do you are supposed to do it if they give you a task that takes more of your time you're supposed to do it if they give you a task that that you know you really just don't enjoy doing you're supposed to do it that's our responsibility as employees or servants as we are in subjection to our masters that word obedient and how it's using in the servant to master relationship is the same word here that we have when it talks about kids to your parents kids to your parents when I was I spoke the very first time I spoke on this passage of scripture is before I had kids and I looked back and here's what I entitled and kids I want you to understand because I was I was young and here's what I titled that sermon okay I don't give my sermons all the time titles but here's what I titled that sermon before I had kids Ephesians chapter 6 my parents just don't understand that's what I entitled it right and here's the thing I really before you have kids that's kind of how you think sometimes growing up right I used to think that all the time growing up my parents would tell me to do something and I would just like question everything right and some of you are in this boat but I want you to know that here there is a direct command and if you don't like it because I didn't like it growing up here's the thing this isn't something that culture has come up with this isn't something that a pastor came up with this is not something that a sunny school teacher just said you know what this is a good idea kids obey your parents that kind of thing this is something that God instituted this is something that the creator of all instituted and the point is of what you get just like a servant to his master when we as servants are obedient and in subjection and submission to our master here's the point we become submissive to God it's a picture of you being sub in subjection to God and that's the point when you obey God you're going to obey your parents they work together they work together that's the first thing the second thing is this it gets a little bit more in depth in verse number two the second commands also given to kids it's this it's honor not only are you to obey them just do what they say and and listen to them and and harken to them and submit to them but the second thing is this you're supposed to honor them honor them the word honor is a word that we probably don't use as much as we probably should in English but in Greek here's what it means it means to uh to be in reverence to okay it's this idea of of reverencing or or respecting your mom and dad I like to think of it this way when we took a look at verse one and verse number two you got to obey you got honor as a kid growing up I feel like obedience was the was the main driving force of of of childhood right but as I've gotten older and now we're raising our own kids and my parents still are living and and things like that I'm noticing the transition point from a child obedience to now as an adult honor honor and I'm learning what honor looks like when I was growing up I really felt and I have great parents just I mean some of you know my parents my mom and dad they're in church they they they've had me in church and and they are believers and and they are deeply invested in the church and and so I grew up in a very what I would consider traditional type of uh type of family and uh and they they loved me and they raised me right they raised me to love Jesus and and things like that and and I I mean I rebelled against them a lot growing up and things like that and I didn't do all the time but here's the one thing that I will tell you that growing up is I legit and it's funny how as a kid you just feel this way and you feel strongly like I really convinced myself of this I believe that my parents at that time when I was like a teenager I believe that my parents knew absolutely nothing I just did I was like I mean I convinced myself I would argue with them of how I knew better like and I was like 14 you know it's like man I know way better than you guys do and things like that and as kids I want you to know children in the room I really want you to listen because I know where you're at and I sat there and I get it okay I was the same way and you're probably thinking some of these same things like my parents don't know anything you know my parents are so out of touch and everything else or whatever as I've gotten older I realize that as as my parents were instituted over me by God because they knew better what is for me than what I knew for myself and that's the point and that's what we have to understand so as I've gotten older it's honor them you say what in the world does that mean how do we honor them obey obedience is simple you kind of submit you do what you're told you know and and things like that what does honor look like well first I think kids here's what I want you to know you honor your parents by being obedient to them you can honor them by by being obedient to them a second thing I was thinking about this honor them especially some of you that are older I think this is a good thing I'm noticing this and I don't know if my parents are are watching this today I kind of hope that they're not but um so take it offline after this if you don't mind okay but here's the thing as I've gotten older you know what I've noticed about my mom and dad whatever and I'm close to my parents whatever they want me to call them all the time like I mean they're retired I'm like guys I have things to do like I can't just wake up and call mom you know I want to though because I'm a mama's boy and so but here's what I'll tell you it's like it's like here's the thing it's like they want me to and here's what I'm learning is this idea of honor and reverence and and being respect to them one thing you can do is calling them because here's what I've learned no parent is upset about being consulted too much think about that like like I've never heard my parents say hey Josh you're asking me a little too much for advice like can you please chill out like go go find somebody else this is getting exhausting like we can't do this no but they want that because they were instituted by God over you to lead you to shepherd you to steer you in the direction that they are being led and so I would say calling them another thing I goes along with that ask for their advice one thing you know I've stepped into forms of leadership in the last few years that that I have just like sometimes I wake up every day and I'm thinking I don't even know what I'm doing here right like I don't even know you guys got the wrong guy and so I'll call my dad and me and my dad have gotten way closer growing up like we just butted heads all the time because we're like the same person so we fought I can remember every single basketball game that we played in when I got in the car I would always go home and we would argue and fight on the way home because he would say this is what you need to do son I'll be like I am doing that dad I know better than you we fight fight fight fight fight and that's kind of how we were and uh and then I try to run to my mom and try to get her on my side come on you know you know what that life's like I mean that's what I used to do and here's the thing as I've gotten older though this idea of honor what he's saying here this idea of honor is something that me and my dad have gotten so stinking close especially as I've gotten older because of the idea of I realize now what I wish I had known as a kid that I need what they are giving me way more than I ever knew that I did as a kid and so now I call them for everything I call them for everything I text them for everything and and ask for their advice about all of those things no one cares about you and your decisions more than your parents do think about that like like nobody cares about the way that I pastor and the way that I lead more than my parents nobody cautions me more than my parents and even as an adult like I found myself about a year ago like my dad was telling me something we were in a restaurant and um we were in a restaurant and I was saying we are going to do something as a church and I'll never forget it my dad like pushed back so hard on me and I was like frustrated because I'm looking at this like I'm an adult now you can't we can't that's not what it is right and he was pushed back here's why what I know now is because he just wants me to make good decisions nobody cares about that more than they do that's why they're sometimes passionate children that's why they invest so much into you that's why they speak into you that's why they give you their advice all the time because they are the ones on earth that care more about you than any one else and they care more about school more about your grades more about everything every decision that you have in life more than anyone else so we have to have to honor them another way you honor them is this and some of you do this and I love this you honor for you care for them as they age I think that that is such a good thing like I watch I watch some of you and and you know as your parents are aging and I'm seeing how much work listen if that's you today and that's where you're falling and you're like man I'm exhausted because I take care of my parents listen props to you for honoring them the way that God has told you to honor them that's what he is saying he's telling us there needs to be a level of respect this level of reverence in how we treat our parents take care of them I love seeing that so you see these imperatives for kids obey honor but then he doesn't leave out their parents he says in verse number four he gives a specific imperative to to dads he says fathers provoke not your children to wrath fathers provoke not your children to wrath in other words don't stir up anger in your kids instead encourage and uplift him you say what's he saying here you know fathers provoke not your children to wrath and then he says bring him up in the nurture and admonition of the lord which we're going to look at here in a moment like what does that mean don't provoke them to wrath I mean that's a that's a difficult thing and when I when I was looking at it just to give you a real picture it's it's stirring up anger in your kids here's what I'm just going to tell you mom and dad because I know we we find ourselves doing this from time to time so we're in the same boat whatever but sometimes there is a way that we can discipline our kids that breeds more rebellion in our kids let me say that again there's some ways that we discipline that can breed more rebellion I'm just going to be straight like there's some ways that I am going to react when my kids do something that they're not supposed to do that can lead them and steer their heart in one direction or it can steer them in a completely different direction so when he says provoke not your children to wrath he's talking about the way that you discipline your kids here's probably not the best thing your kids do something wrong and you blow up and go off the hill and you're going to kids do something wrong and you blow up and go off the handle and you're yelling and there's yelling going all in the house everybody's yelling you're in like and as you one of you walks away you get further and further down the hallway right and and so you're like what I gotta speak louder and so yell louder and everybody's yelling everybody's upset and things like that right the point is is there's a way sometimes that we as parents can treat our kids and discipline our kids in a way that is not healthy not every form of discipline that you want to give your kid is always the healthiest way and that's what you have to understand when I was growing up you know we my parents I want to be real specific about all this kind of stuff because I want you to I'm a practical thinker and so I want you to understand I want you to leave here not just with head knowledge of what the scripture says I want you to leave here with what the scripture is is telling you in the gospel at work in your heart can do in your families but when I was growing up I remember my mom was like not really like she would she spent a lot of time with us because my dad was working a lot of times in the afternoons and in the summers and stuff like that but my mom was not really the biggest disciplined person in the world okay she tried really hard but because I was a mama's boy man I could weasel my way through anything like it didn't matter like my mom would say right up front she would say she would say hey you are not getting up from this table until you eat whatever it is that she put on that table I was like okay yes ma'am but I knew deep down if I didn't really like this if I fought hard enough like I could just get a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch eventually like it would happen right and so but there were times growing out dads but here's the thing here's what she would tell me when your dad gets home that was the worst thing too and everything does he know I hit my sister does he know things like that and um and so he'd come but here's the thing is every time I don't remember my parents ever just yelling at me like my dad would take me into the room and yes he spanked me but here's what I'll tell you is he would just he would talk to me and he would talk to me and sometimes like honestly and kids if you ever you know had parents like this when you can get them talking there's a part of me that thinks man I've got them like I feel like I'm gonna get it out of this and then after this great conversation that we had and I'm thinking we're about to you know just fist bump and say hey man I want to do that again whatever then comes like the major like issue like the discipline the spanking whatever and so here's here's my point here's my point though that talking that we always had is pretty much what I remember as much as anything why because he had an option of running into my room and yelling at me and just letting me have it but he took this first like hey there's a right way to steer the direction of my heart through the way that he disciplined and then there's a wrong way and so parents I want you to understand and we're going to talk about that nurture and admonition of the lord next here's the thing that is the commands obey your parents kids honor your father mother parents dads provoke not your children to wrath but then he says this the attitude behind the family relationship you see it here as well in verse number one the first attitude that we find and why these relationships are the way that they are is this it's in the lord it's in the lord it's it's this idea of being in in the lord and so here here's what I want you to know this is the theme of the entire section whether he's talking about marriage whether he's talking about the work relationship everything is to be done as unto the lord or in the lord that's why the idea of christlikeness and all of our relationships is the ultimate thing that we have to remember paul here is linking children's obedience to their parents with their relationship with the lord that's the point that when he mentions in the lord in verse number one he's linking children's obedience to their parents with their relationship with the lord in other words you cannot be disobedient to your parents get this you cannot be disobedient to your parents and obedient to god at the same time that's what he's trying to say that's what he's saying so the way that we treat our parents is a reflection of our relationship with god and just like we've talked about marriage and just like we've talked about work relationships when your relationships are not what they should be and they're not what paul's saying they can be in ephesians five and six it's a reflection of our relationship with god that's why all of these relationships should be in the lord and as unto as unto the lord your relationship with your kids and kids your relationship with your parents should be a picture of christ in his church in the attitudes in which christ has loved you and the tone and posture in which christ loved you all of those things that christ is and we love to talk about his grace we love to talk about his mercy we love to talk about the way he chastises us we love to talk about his grace we love to talk about his compassion we love to talk about his kindness all of these things the way that he treats us should be reflected in the way that our family relationships work so the attitude by which parents should treat their kids and the attitude in which kids Should treat their parents it's in the Lord. That means it should be a reflection of him But the second thing we see is this it's the right thing to do It's the right thing to do you see that in verse number one obey your parents in the Lord for this is right For this is right. This used to be the most frustrating verse to me growing up. Why is it right?

You see from the beginning God gave us a clear moral instruction for how we are to live in this world This is a direct command from God. It's the right thing to do and I used to I used to absolutely hate this I used to like couldn't stand why it's right and And my parents were just like me in a lot of ways So a lot of times is I would be like me why do I have to obey? It's what I would say as a kid and and my parents would say well if you don't or whatever then we're taking Everything away from you right and say amen.

Thank you. I heard that and so but here's the thing It's like you're taking all this away. So I remember here's what I used to do. This happened numerous times growing up I think I've told some of you this before or whatever, but when I would not get my way I specifically remember there's a time when I was I don't remember how old I was I was probably like I don't know 10 11 or 17 I'm not sure and so but here's the point is I remember there I was like this kid and my parents are still driving me everywhere and stuff like that and all of my friends were going to This big event in in Ashboro It's just this big thing that everybody was gathering at and my parents for whatever reason had heard something bad about it, right? I don't know where parents get this information, by the way Like I'm just like where'd you hear that? We don't have the internet like you don't have Facebook nowadays. That's where parents get everything.

They believe it all too and But here's the thing. It's like they told me that I could not go I lost my mind and I'm just gonna be honest with you what I did because some of you love The demise of your pastor and you love hearing stories like that. You know what I did. I got so angry at them I had I was like in the living room I was so mad because they told me I couldn't go and you can't go and this kind of thing And remember I had great parents godly parents and they're like Josh we just don't feel like it's the best environment for you to be around like all my friends are gonna be there Josh me and Your dad we made up our minds, but seriously like why I kept pushing Josh We said this while I was in the living room and I had this blanket and I had this blank I was so angry. And so I remember taking that blanket and I like slung it over I like broke a lamp in my house glass went everywhere and stuff.

Did I go to the thing? No, I didn't by the way Okay, made everything worse I'm thinking my arguments helping and it doesn't or whatever some kids got in trouble at that event that night and And and so I realized later that they didn't want but you know what I used to do every time I used to not get my way I got angry and then I would say I'm moving out So I had a tree house out back It's I remember specifically I packed my bag a little gym bag I'd go into the kitchen. I Get some snacks that my parents purchased for me pack my clothes that my parents purchased for me and I'd go out there and I think I'm teaching them a lesson and if I stay out here long enough my Mom's gonna walk outside go to the bottom of the tree house. Look up and say Josh We were wrong You know how many times that happened?

Never but after being up there for like 10 minutes, I Finally would walk the worst road in the world Back to my parents and say listen. I was wrong Listen, here's the thing. This is the right thing to do kids. I don't know how else to make it simplistic for you Obeying your mom and dad honoring your parents. It's not something that I came up with is something that God has instituted for you And it's the right thing to do then he says for parents nurture and admonition of the Lord in verse number four And by the way, I want to bring this out because I don't want this to go unnoticed most parent commands in Scripture are given to men and This is why? dads You're supposed to be the spiritual leader of your home that's the biblical and I know ladies listen if you're running your house by yourself because You're married to somebody who ran off on you and that kind of thing.

Here's what I want you to know I am so sorry because the original design that was created was for the dads to lead the home That's the way God orchestrated so if you're a single mom we stand with you and we are here for you and we are here to help you in every Way that we possibly can But the way God and student instituted the home to function is for men to lead and for Men to take a step and lead the spiritual life and environment and that's why you see this In fact, you see more parenting instruction in the book of Proverbs than any other way any other book in Scripture And here's what I'll tell you about the book of Proverbs. It was written from a man to a son and The point is you're supposed to lead in your home the spiritual altitude. That's your responsibility so men step up and Lead and he says the way we lead is not provoking your children to wrath But instead bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord Here's what I want you to if you write in your Bible Here's what I write next to that because that's kind of one of those Churchy words and churchy phrases that I heard all the time growing up.

I said it a lot of times growing up I didn't really know what it means. Here's what it means character Development write that in your Bible character Development the point is it's coming off the tail end of provoking out your children to wrath. So in other words some Discipline, like I said can lead to more Rebellion when it's handled in anger But there's a right way to handle discipline and there's a right way to handle things with your children That can steer Their heart and build character into their into their heart Listen parents. I want to tell you this and I know we're out of time because we got baptism Parents be more concerned with your child's heart than their behavior Be more concerned listen we as parents are so worried about our kids behavior and what that's going to make it look like for us You know, one of the things I struggle with more than anything else just gonna be faster everybody in this place Everybody that calls Union Grove home. They think that I'm supposed to have it all together And you know, what's hard a lot of but here's the thing The reason why that's a problem for me is because every time my kids mess up I take it as a personal shot that me and everybody I don't listen We're gonna parent them and here's what I care more about My kids are gonna mess up your kids are gonna mess up and here's what I want every parent in this place I want every parent in this place to understand Behavior is important But at the end of the day what's more important that you should care way more about is the direction in which their heart is going That's the big thing. So are your kids gonna mess up? Yes Like my kids they mess up, but as long as I can see that their heart is heading in the right direction I'm praying that one day when they go out on their own and I launch them like an arrow into this world I'm praying that they leave here and love Jesus with all of their heart and serve Jesus and his church with all of all that they have That's the goal and that's the direction That's what nurture and admonition of the Lord looks like it's all about in the way that you're directing their heart So your kids are gonna make mistakes like for example, I'll say say it this way I don't want to go into a lot of detail But this was something special that happened with us like I talked a lot about my kids from up here and sometimes that gets me in trouble when I get home and But here's what I'll tell you like my son. He's not in here, but my son sometimes like can be wild Like I'm just being honest some of you have seen it like it's crazy and and he can be crazy and I get it and and he can be You know bad or whatever you want to call it like any other kid But here's the thing. I got a text this week or a message That was so good to me because it's a reminder about my kids.

That is just special. I Know my kid can get in trouble I know my kids can and things like that just like every other kid But somebody told me one thing he asked for for Christmas. It's just special to me He sees my Bible all the time So like I have like a wide margin Bible and the reason why I have that is because like my memory is terrible I've pastored this church. And since I've come on the staff here, my memory's gone the opposite direction and And here's the thing is like so I have a wide margin I got it when I got here so that I could write notes and so that I can have like notes So if I can if I forget something I have it there and so I have that I've used that the last few years We'll go find one So we tried to find one and we did and we got him one or whatever and this past week and my kid He's not perfect.

Trust me. He's and on Wednesday night He was writing something just ferociously just writing The whole time I was talking and at first I was like man, this is um, what's going on with him? You know, like why isn't he paying attention and that kind of thing? And then afterwards I asked him about it and he showed him Some notes he wrote in his wide margin Bible Like his dad and I don't say that to lift me up. Trust me I don't want you if that's what you think like masters buttering everybody up making things listen I'm a dysfunctional as any parent in this place.

I lose my mind at my house all the time Sometimes I go to work to relax. Okay, I Want you to know something, you know what that showed me All the behavior stuff that I I get so mad about Why did you do this? Why did you act that? Why'd you say that?

Why'd you behave that way? I was reminded that his heart is heading in a good direction Parents, here's what I want you to do. You need to care more about Their heart you say how do we do that teach them about God?

Read the word together Say how in the world do we do that? Listen, there's some great resources that I could share with you One of the best is Jesus storybook Bible where you can it makes the Bible point to Christ from the very beginning and reading those The family together is so important There's so many good resources for you but that's something you have to do you have to it's like your job as a parent is To launch them back in those 18 years and when they move out you launch them practical and I'm gonna bullet point these quick first prioritize relationships in your house Be present dad keep the phone off from time to time keep the game off family dinners family devotions car rides You know what? I've learned about parents I've done a lot of funerals in the last three years of being the pastor here. No one ever regrets spending too much time together They always regret not enough so make prioritize relationships second thing deepen your relationship with families in the church You say what in the world does that to do with anything? Listen, I'm just gonna be honest with you You need your kids to have other influences in their life I'm so grateful that right now while I'm in here I have people that I can trust that love my kids and are teaching my kids To love Jesus with all of their heart and they're reinforcing what I'm trying to teach in them Sundays Wednesdays, they need that you need to get them involved in stuff like that. It'll make a difference The third thing this is for parents focus on heart transfer I said this but I want you to remember it focus on heart transform a transformation not just behavior modification Because there's gonna come a day where you're not gonna be there to figure out all the and mold them into the exact same thing when?

They're 25 years old and on their own You got to realize that what you've done up to this point all you can do to control their behavior What needs to happen is all these years that you have with them focus on the direction that you're going to go Have with them focus on the direction of their heart And then if you're in here today, and you're maybe you're you don't have kids or whatever. Here's what all of us can do pray for all of the many arrows That we are blessed with in our church. We have so many arrows in our church And here's what all of us need to do pray for them Don't be annoyed. Listen. I want a loud church I would love a church that kids are running around like crazy doesn't bother me a bit. You say why pastor?

They're supposed to act a certain way. Listen. I want a loud church with kids way more than I want to die in quiet church Listen, it's a good thing to have kids running around Consider it a blessing Consider it an opportunity and here's what I'll tell you about all relationships as we wrap it up the health of my horizontal Relationships with my marriage with my kids with my work Relationships is always related to the health of my vertical relationship every single time Every single time and so that's what you have to remember. Let's bow our heads for prayer Nobody looking around heads are bowed Hearts are lifted in prayer. I don't know where you're at today kids. I don't know what your relationship with your mom and dad's like But I'll tell you this We are commanded whether we like it or not. We're commanded and whether you believe it or not your parents want what's best for you they do and If you're in here today and you say and I want to talk just to the kids for a moment Then we'll dress the parents But if you're a child in here today and you say and I want you to be honest, don't be embarrassed This is between us and I want to pray for you if you're in here today and you say my relationship Maybe you're a teenager kid, whatever my relation with my parents is not Reflecting Christ and the way that it should and I want you to pray for me If that's you today and you can be honest before God, would you slip up your hand?

Children anywhere just say my I got to treat my parents differently. I got a Okay. Thank you. I see that one hand. Praise God Listen it's the right thing to do and the way that you do it is to know that Jesus Has loved us and God is our Heavenly Father and when God loves us the way That he loved us by giving his life for you when you trust in him as your Savior And you stop trusting in yourself and you trust in him forever. Here's what could happen The Holy Spirit comes and lives inside of you At the moment of your salvation and from that point on the Holy Spirit is where the power comes from for you to be able To live out in your relationships with your mom and dad.

That's where it comes from. It should be a reflection of Christ parents I Want you to be honest because I listen raising your hand. Nobody's gonna judge you in here I promise you I won't because I'm the least in here that could ever judge anybody You say I haven't really my home life. I've kind of not really been as intentional. Maybe dad It's from the standpoint of leading your home You know from a spiritual perspective like it's not been the highest of priority.

I've kind of taken a backseat I've let other people do it and that kind of thing and you're like me and that's where I'm at or moms You're like man I just get frustrated and angry and and yelling is more of my main thing and stuff and I'm kind of like we're not We're not great with this either. My hand is right there. In fact, I mean God's preached this sermon to me all week long father Lord, we love you. God blessing this invitation time God, I pray Lord that all of us would make decisions