Repairing Broken Relationships // Philemon 1:1-25 // Pastor Josh Evans

Amen.

Amen. Listen, if you're thankful for grace, can you say Amen today? And if it wasn't for grace, and we would not be here, none of us would be here today if it wasn't for the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. And so that's what we get to sing about. And that's why we've gathered here to lift up high the name of God, the creator of all who extended his grace to each one of us.

Great singing here today. And I just want to say thank you so much for for being in our service here today. I do want to understand that several times I meet people for the very first time on Sundays. I do want to echo what Pastor David said. Take one of those new here cards and you can fill that out right now if you want to and you're not going to hurt my feelings and that's just an opportunity for us to connect with you after the service.

And so if you didn't do that on your way in, take one of those cards in the seat back in front of you. Pop by our Welcome Center. We would love to meet you and to greet you and connect a little bit better with you here this morning.

Well listen, it is so good to see you. I am so glad that you are here and we have a lot of our staff is out of town. Our school has not been in session the last couple of days of this week because our staff goes to a convention every year down at Myrtle Beach. They're suffering for Jesus down there and and then there's many of them who stay over. They use this as a long weekend and so they stay over through Sunday. So we have a bunch of families out of town here today and each of them might get a bonus if I find out that they tuned in online, but we'll see. So I'm just kidding and but no I appreciate you being a part.

I do ask that you pray for many of them traveling back this afternoon to start back with school like here tomorrow. Well listen, we're doing something a little bit different. This is kind of what we call a standalone or what I call like a standalone sermon. I know I love to preach through a different series and we normally do between a four six eight week type series from time to time and last week we concluded our series on the armor of God and and then I was kind of looking ahead and praying and thinking through kind of where we wanted to go and homecoming is next week and so we're going to do something just unique in the message.

It'll be a sermon specifically about God's goodness and and his faithfulness to us for all these different years as we celebrate our birthday and so I was thinking about this one day. Now today, October 1st and begin praying about what we could we could learn about and and God just kind of begin to impress upon me about how Christians those within the church treat one another from time to time and here's what's amazing and I'm going to be very direct with you as your pastor today. We're going to talk about repairing broken relationships. Alright now that's a fun topic to talk about right.

You guys want to go back to the armor of God. Well, I guess we go backwards or something a little bit more fun to talk about, but we're going to talk about repairing broken relationships in the church and I've been a part of the church my entire life. My parents raised me in church and one thing that is amazing to me is that church people Christ followers who gather every Sunday in churches like this one all throughout our community. Here's what's amazing to me is we gather together a lot of times and churches we get it right on a lot of things like we get it right on. Hey, we're going to be there when the doors are open aren't we and we're going to you know we're not going to cuss and we're not going to do all the all the bad thing. Well some of you probably do, but that's beside the point and we're not going to do all these bad things as long as I don't go out and get drunk as long as I don't go out and do whatever it is. You know we kind of as church people we get that right, but if there's one thing that I feel and I'm just going to be straightforward with you that church people get wrong a lot of times, it's how we in the body of Christ should treat one another. Like you know how many people I've talked to who they have a problem with somebody and they just live with that problem never being reconciled.

Never. Church people. These are Christ followers.

People who worship and gather on Sunday and lift high the name of Jesus, maybe shout an Amen every now and then and things like that, but they leave here with with unreconciled relationships with people and they they say I'm a Christian. I go to church every time the doors are open, but yet we sometimes struggle with how we are to treat people and that's what we're going to talk about today from the New Testament. In fact, this is one of the smallest books in scripture. It's one of five books that only have contains one chapter. It's in the New Testament. Can anybody tell me what book of the Bible that's going to be? Book of Philemon. Alright the book of Philemon and so I'm going to go ahead and tell you to find the book of Philemon and as you're turning there, many of you are probably in your head quoting the New Testament books of the Bible to find out where the book of Philemon is. So if you can find Timothy, which is a little bit more common, go over to your right a couple of pages past Titus and you will eventually find yourself in Philemon. It'll probably take up one page of your Bible depending on how large the print is on your in your scripture.

Okay and for some of you might take up six or seven pages. We don't know alright and so this is a very brief short book of the Bible. One chapter 25 verses 339 words here in this and we're going to look at all of those and I'll say this by way of introduction due to its size. This book is often overlooked. If I was to go around the room here today and say, does anybody have a memory verse that you learned growing up from the book of Philemon? I'd be surprised if any of you are like, oh yeah, you know it's not like the book of Philippians or the book of Romans where we have so many different verses memorized. The book of Philemon is often overlooked because of its size. In fact, I would venture to say there's some of you that have absolutely no idea what the book of Philemon is even about today.

And I'll tell you this, that is totally okay because by the end of this, over the next 25-30 minutes, we're going to talk about it and I hope you'll leave here with a better understanding of the book and how you can apply this book to this book of scripture to your life. The apostle Paul, he wrote this book as a letter. It's a very brief letter and he wrote it while he was in prison in Rome. In fact, many people think that this was his first imprisonment there in Rome and while he was in Rome as a prisoner, he meets this man who was a fugitive and his name was Onesimus. Let's all say that just for fun together on three.

One, two, three. Onesimus. And he meets this man by the name of Onesimus while he's in Rome. And like I said, Onesimus was a fugitive. He has ran from a man by the name of Philemon, which the apostle Paul knew Philemon and he actually led Philemon to the Lord many years before this.

And here's what's interesting. He led Philemon to the Lord and now you'll find out in verse number two. I believe it's verse number two here as we look at it is that Philemon is actually leading a church in his household. And what happened was Philemon was very well known.

He had a lot of money. He had a lot of servants and what happened? One of his servants was a man by the name of Onesimus and Onesimus stole some possessions and some money from Philemon. He stole from him, his master, and when he did that, he fled as a fugitive and found himself moving from Colossae, which was where Philemon was. He was there and now he fled and found himself in Rome and isn't it interesting how God works while in Rome, he meets a man by the name of apostle Paul and the apostle Paul leads Onesimus to Christ, but he had never been reconciled back to his master Philemon. And so apostle Paul, the apostle Paul leads Onesimus, this fugitive who had just stole a lot of money and possessions and has nothing to pay this guy back and he tells the apostle Paul all of this. The apostle Paul pens these verses and he hands Onesimus a letter, the book of Philemon, and he hands it to him along with the book of Colossians and he says, hey, you need to take as you go back to Colossae, take the book of Colossians to Colossae and then you need to find Philemon and you need to hand him this letter, these 25 verses and that's what's found here in this passage. Let's read it together.

It says, Paul, a prisoner of Jesus Christ and Timothy, our brother unto Philemon, our dearly beloved and fellow laborer to our beloved Afia and Archippus. Those are if you're pregnant and you're looking for baby names, here you go. Okay.

These are some good options. You can grow up at the baseball field with your kids and just be yelled. Go Archippus and everybody look at you like what in the world and our fellow soldier and to the church in thy house. So there you see Philemon. He was a church leader. The man that this is written to the man with unresolved conflict in his life. He is leading a church. That's very important that you remember that verse number three grace to you and peace from God our father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God making mention of thee always in my prayers hearing of thy love and faith which thou hast toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the all the Saints that the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus. In other words, verse number six and I know the apostle Paul sometimes it can be difficult to understand exactly what he's trying to do. Verse number six. What he's saying is that he wants Philemon this church leader to put into action the work of Christ that is in him. In other words, what Jesus had done for him. Remember what it says at the end of verse six which is in you in Christ Jesus.

What Jesus has done in the heart of Philemon. The apostle Paul is begging and urging him to do to the people around him to live out what Jesus had gifted him. Verse number seven. For we have great joy and consolation and I love because the bowels of the Saints are refreshed by the brother. Wherefore, though I might be much bold in Christ to enjoin thee that which is convenient. In other words, Paul's saying listen Philemon.

If I may, I'm going to be very bold in this letter to you asking that you reconcile your relationship with this other brother in Christ. Verse number nine. Yet for love's sake, I rather beseech thee being such and one as Paul the aged and now also a prisoner of Jesus Christ. I beg thee for my son Onesimus whom I have begotten in my my bonds. Now he calls him his son.

He wasn't his physical son. What the apostle Paul is saying is he is his spiritual son. He's the one who led Onesimus to Christ there in Rome and now he considers him his spiritual father which in time past was to the unprofitable but now profitable to thee and to me. Now this verse, verse number 11 is very important for you to understand the story and also to live out your life. Names in scripture meant something.

Okay. You can look throughout scripture and usually you know the name that they were given meant something. If you look in the Old Testament, remember Abraham meant like father and or Abraham meant father and Abraham meant father of many and that meant something because God was gonna give him the nation of Israel, a bunch of descendants after that. Well, here Onesimus, the word Onesimus in the Greek actually means profitable or useful and so in verse number 11, he says, Paul, he says, in time past, Onesimus was unprofitable.

Okay. But now, remember, because of what Jesus did in his heart, he is now profitable to thee and to me. In other words, now, because of what Jesus did, he can live out this profitable useful life for the work of God but before he needs to be sent out and do the work of God, he needs to be reconciled and to deal with the unresolved conflict that is in his life with his former master, Philemon. Verse number 12, whom I have sent again, thou therefore receive him, receive Onesimus, that is my own vows. In other words, he's telling Philemon, I want you now to receive Onesimus, the guy who stole from you, the guy who who took your possessions.

I want you to receive him the same way that you would receive me. Wow. What a what an ask and and I'll go back to say, yeah, the Apostle Paul, verse number eight. Yeah, it's bold. That's a bold request.

Really? If I was Philemon and I'm reading this letter, it's like, you want me, the guy who stole from me, the guy who took my possessions, the guy that I can't trust anymore, you want me to receive him the same way that that I would receive you, the one who led me to Christ, goes on in verse number 13, whom I would have retained with me that in thy stead he might have ministered unto me in the bonds of the gospel. But without thy mind would I do nothing, that thy benefit should not be as it were of necessity, but willingly, for perhaps he therefore departed for a season that thou shouldest receive him forever.

Not now, and this is so good, this is when Onesimus, he tears about his fate, not now as a servant, but above a servant, a brother, beloved, especially to me, but how much more unto thee, both in the flesh and of the Lord. In other words, you need to receive him as a brother in Christ. Now, because God had miraculously saved Onesimus and now Philemon, who was already a believer, a follower of Christ, now they can be reconciled as brothers in Christ. Verse number 17, if thou count me therefore a partner, receive him as as myself. In other words, he says, if we are partners in the gospel. In other words, this has the weight of him saying, if you're really a follower of Christ, this is how you'll act.

If you really, if you really believe what you say you believe, then you'll receive Onesimus. If you really mean all those people that come to your house and you study the bible and you teach them and you lead them and you shepherd that church house that you have, if you really believe everything you're saying, then yeah, you'll receive the guy that stole from you, that you don't trust anymore, you'll receive him if you really believe it. And I'll tell you this, church, if you really believe everything you sing about on Sunday, and you really believe everything you amen about on Sunday, if you really believe everything we look at in here, then we should, like Philemon, receive people, even when there's wrong, as brothers in Christ. Verse 18, if he hath wronged thee or o'eth thee ought, the apostle Paul lays it on thick. He says, put that on mine account. I Paul have written it with mine own hand, I will repay it, albeit I do not say to thee how thou oweest unto me, even thine own self besides, yea, brother, let me have joy of thee in the Lord, refresh my bowels in the Lord, having confidence in thy obedience, I wrote unto thee, knowing that thou would also do more than I say. But withal, prepare me also to lodging, in other words, hey, I'm going to visit you soon, prepare me a place, for I trust that through your prayers I shall be given unto unto you.

And then he closes the letter here. Now, this book is all about repairing a broken relationship, and I want to be very direct here today. The moment that we say repair a broken relationship, or we use the word reconcile a relationship, I know I've been around church, so you can hide this all you want, but here's what we usually do. We immediately put up a wall around us and the situation that we have been involved in. We begin to justify or we feel that our situation, whatever happened to you or whatever somebody else did to you, we feel as if our situation is different and it does not apply to what the scripture says here that we should do.

And listen, I want you to know we are going to talk directly about it. For some of you today, it's a marriage relationship. It could be that your spouse has abused you physically or emotionally. It could be that your spouse cheated on you or hurt you in some other capacity. For some of you today, it's your parents. Your relationship has been destroyed because of hurtful things said to you or hurtful things done to you.

Some of you still remember the piercing words that a mom or dad or somebody, a guardian, said to you when you were young and you've been holding that on in your life ever since. For others, it could be a friend that stabbed you in the back. A friend that one time you guys were best friends and now that friend found somebody else and kind of left you in the dust or they talked about you when you weren't around.

They hurt you in some capacity. It could be a workplace relationship where at some point you were working and you had a great relationship with a co-worker, but something happened where they did you wrong and now you have carried the bitterness and the unforgiveness and the unreconciliation in your life all the way up to this this point. For some of you, it might be the church. You feel that the church did you wrong or there's another church in our area and that's why you're here today because that church did something to you and they said something about you and they hurt you. And I want you to know, listen, we all have been hurt or wronged by someone. How many of you just by show of hands say I've been wronged by somebody in my life? Be honest.

Okay, we all have. I don't need you to unveil your your dirty laundry about it, but I want you for the next few minutes that we have together, I want you to think about that situation and I want you to look at your life if you have completely forgiven that person. I'm going to tell you a story and then we'll jump into our outline today. Now I've used this story before but anytime that I'm talking about repairing a broken relationship or unforgiveness, I always use this story because it's so dear to me because I've experienced this really, you know, in little cases but I've experienced this one time where I would consider this was a life-changing moment for me when it comes to repairing a broken relationship. I graduated college in 2007 and when I graduated with my undergrad degree in youth ministry, I ended up, I had no job offers except for one job offer and my job offer was the church that I grew up in and what better situation to go in as a brand new youth pastor, brand spanking new, straight out of college.

You're going to somewhere. I didn't have to learn anybody new. I knew every single person in this church. I knew all the young people in this church.

This is going to be a match made in heaven. This church, a lot of the older people had watched me as a kid and we have great relationships and I think this is going to be just a marvelous thing. So in 2007, I graduated I came straight home. Within three weeks of graduation, I started at my home church in Ashboro and I was the youth pastor there.

Everything was awesome from day one. It was incredible and I had the just the best situation. I talked to other guys who would go to other places.

They had no job job offers and they would just look at me and envy the opportunity that I had that was in front of me. Well, shortly after that, about six months into that job, it was amazing. Six months in, my pastor that I had grown up with my whole childhood, he actually passed away of cancer.

It came out of nowhere and they found it when it was really too late and he passed away pretty quickly. Well, after that, we went through a typical search process where you need to find a new pastor. So we went through a search process much like what this church had to go through a few years ago and during that process, we got a guy in and he was awesome and we all loved him and the church loved him and and we got to this point the vote happened and anytime in a baptist church you never know how a vote's going to go if you know what I'm saying and so we were wondering how this was going to go and it went great and I was like man God is just he is over this and his hand is in this and everything was awesome and then he came on staff there and we began to work together and shortly after and I'm just putting it all out there for you because I want you to understand and I don't want to hold anything back to you today because I really want any wall that you put up about unforgiveness in your life I want you to break that down today and that's why I'm trying to tell you this story. We ended up really quickly finding out that we are not going to work well together.

I'll just tell you that. It wasn't good. I didn't want to be around him because of some things he was saying. He didn't want to be around me because he didn't like my philosophy of ministry and it was just a bad situation and it got nasty and and many of you have been in churches like this here's what it basically boiled down to every time I would attend a service at church which I mean I was on staff so I was every week I would go in and and this is what would happen if somebody would corner me in the hallway and ask me about what's going on there's friction there's tension in the church and there's problems and and all of this stuff I would get cornered I would get thrown into rooms all the time it got so bad that there was a business meeting one time that I got thrown in front of the church with a microphone stood right in front of my face asking me questions completely off the cuff about it it's terrible it's the worst experience of my wife my wife lived through it my parents were members of the church they lived through it and it was absolutely terrible for us so I was looking to get I was looking to get out I couldn't stand the guy that I was working for I couldn't stand my pastor I hope none of you feel that way I couldn't stand it hated it so I left I left and I got a job right right here at Union Grove Baptist Church in 2010 and I left came straight into ministry started here everything was going good in fact God was blessing our ministry it's good but there was something in my heart that had never been dealt with and I'll tell you this here's how I knew it and I want to be very transparent with you I would never tell this to anybody at that time going to my parents house my parents still lived in Ashboro at the time I would drive to my parents house this is when I was on staff here as a youth pastor I would drive to my parents house and every time I went to their house I had to pass that church and you want to know what I thought the whole time I would never say it out loud to anybody because I'm I'm a follower of Christ a pastor I don't want anybody to think bad of me I would drive by and internally here's exactly what I think I hope that church is falling to pieces you ever felt that way about somebody somebody that you're mad at somebody who did something to you and the most painful thing to you is thinking that they might succeed I would drive by and I would think man I hope nobody's coming I hope they're not meeting budget I hope all the families that I impacted I hope they've all found other churches in Ashboro I hope that that pastor is discouraged I was I was a terrible human being I would drive by and I think that every single time about a year later after I had left there I I was preaching here on a Wednesday night and it was a Tuesday I believe I was studying for this message Tuesday morning and I was like I can't I was preaching on forgiveness and I was like you know what there is no way that I can stand before a group of people and talk about something that I have absolutely no concept of I didn't know what to do I deleted the guy's number I literally cared could care less if I ever saw or spoke to him again I would avoid any restaurant that I knew he liked in Ashboro I if I knew he liked the store I would never go there ever because I hated him well I didn't know what to do with this so I was like the only thing I have is an email address so I pull like had a laptop I before I was while I was studying I wrote him this long email and I told him I'm sorry and I wish that I could look at you and make everything right and I had no idea what would ever happen with that email so I did that I went to lunch and like most pastors lunches I was gone for about two hours I come back and I remember I was in a church fan and I was with some students of mine and I was in a church fan and we pull into the parking lot here and I knew I recognized that truck that was in the church office parking lot and I was like okay he must have got my email I was like we're either gonna fight which I know I will lose or we're gonna be able to make this right and I said to God I remember walking across the parking lot and across I-40 out in front here and and I walked across and if you don't work here you don't understand that every time I cross this it's like I-40 out here it's like everywhere you know and I walked across and I remember praying to the Lord God I prayed that I could make this right face to face why on earth would you ever make me do this I went up to him and we made everything right from that point and and we hugged each other and I had the opportunity to go back to that church and tell a lot of people sorry face to face and I got a chance to preach at that church several times since then we're friends to this day I have never understood the power of forgiveness more than in that moment it was almost as if I really felt that we understood deeper the gospel than ever in my life I've been around church my whole life I knew every answer to to most everything asked in my sunday school class I got it but it was the first time in my whole life where I felt that what Jesus did for me changed me so much that I was willing to demonstrate the same thing that he gave me to anybody in my my life for some of you you have not got to that point and my prayer today is that you'd leave here and be at that point that's the prayer that's the message of the book every single one of us have been wronged by somebody and Paul writes this letter to somebody who could care less if he ever saw this man by the name of Onesimus again because he stole from him he was wrong he had every reason to hate Onesimus he had every reason to be wrong and hold a grudge and harbor unforgiveness all of those things he had every reason to do it nobody in this book is arguing if Onesimus was right or wrong of course he was wrong of course Philemon was was right and had a reason to be upset at him but in this letter Paul as the peacemaker comes and says hey listen you really mean what you preach about at this house church if you do then what Jesus has done for you you will do for others the first thing i want you to see is what or the description of repairing broken relationships i want you to understand this about broken relationships and we all have them the world outside is looking inside the church to see if the gospel really works i'm telling you there's a lost and dying world right outside here and here's what they're curious about they're wondering if the gospel that you and i proclaim that when they see you drive out of the driveway every single sunday and you show up at a place like this they know where you're at what they want to see is does the gospel really work and by the way the gospel it's easy to work when we're all getting along but the true test of if the gospel has changed your life is when you experience a difficult relationship and what is the gospel going to impact there that's what the world wants to see they want to see if the gospel can work and make a difference in the difficult relationships not just the easy relationships and so repairing broken relationships it requires dealing with unresolved conflicts that's what you find here in verses 8 through 12 you can find here that that paul is asking philemon listen you cannot go forward neither of you can go forward in your relationship until that relationship is repaired until that relationship is restored that's what he's asking for and many of us we're trying to go forward in our relationship with god and we're trying to lead and we're trying to do different things in the church and we have this unresolved conflict that is in front of us and paul's saying listen before you can go forward you got to deal with this listen wombs in a relationship are damaging to everyone but i'll tell you this here's what i've learned the healthier that i am relationally and spiritually the healthier healthier i will be emotionally you want to know why some of you are depressed why some of you feel like you have no friends why some of you are anxious while some of you are what it's probably tied to some relationship where there is unresolved conflict in it you probably can trace that back is that the reason you feel nobody cares about you is because of something happened in your childhood with somebody or the reason why you don't feel like anybody loves you is because of a marriage relationship that went bad or you feel as a child like like you're not accepted because a parent put a lot of pressure on you as a kid or right now in your life and you feel like you're trying to live up to something and somebody's hurts you listen wounds in a relationship are damaging to everybody but the healthier you are spiritually will lead you to healthy relationships which will in turn make you healthy emotionally listen repairing broken relationships it gives us the opportunity to put the gospel on display for the world the second thing i want you to see real quick is this the need for repairing broken relationships i'm going to kind of give you a couple of rapid fire things before i get into something i really want to share at the end repaired relationships are essential for emotional health in fact the book of proverbs talks about this proverbs chapter 17 there's a very good verse that you need to look at especially if you have unresolved conflict in your life here's what it says it teaches us that a broken spirit you know what it does dries your bones you wonder why you're feeling dry why you don't feel like anything's working why you show up at church every sunday and you leave here diff no different than the last sunday the reason why you might be dry is because you have unresolved conflict that you have never ever dealt with number two repaired relationships are critical to spiritual growth you see find philemon and onesimus relationship had to be repaired before either of them could move forward in their relationship with christ you see onesimus was unprofitable and he could not become profitable and useful until this relationship that was unresolved actually got resolved you see unforgiveness leads to bitterness and bitterness is like a cancer that slowly eats away at your soul it'll eat away at you and destroy you until you resolve the conflict you can't move on until you you forgive repaired relationships number three bring unity to the body of christ listen the body of christ was affected by this unresolved conflict every conflict that goes undealt with in the body can affect the body of christ philemon was a leader in the church and by the way leaders in the church should fight for the unity of the body not the division but i want to say this very specifically that if you're a deacon in our church or if you're a a leader in our church you lead a bible fellowship class we are the ones that are called by god to lead the way and model what jesus has told us to do and if you have unrepaired relationships then if we want our church to be different then it's got to start with you it's got to start with you you see that's the point that paul was making to philemon philemon you got a house church you got people coming you're shepherding part of the flock you're shepherding part of the body of christ how on earth could you do this without accepting onesimus and forgiving him and repairing this broken relationship in his life but then thirdly and this is where i want to share for just a couple minutes the secret to repairing broken relationships here in verses 17 really through 20 you see this and we read this we're not going to take the time to read it again but i want to talk about the secret how do we do you might be looking at me and saying how in the world do you do you do this like i know for for me here's what i struggled the story i shared earlier when you're a year removed i've not seen uh that pastor in a year you know what i was thinking and what the enemy was trying to hurl these darts at me like hey it doesn't matter anymore it was so long ago like you know don't worry about it it's fine like don't worry and i had to deal with all of these emotions and and so because of the the length of time or the distance like we never our paths never have to cross again it does not matter why deal with it and all this and and so i didn't even know how to go about it i was like i don't even know what to say i don't even know what to to write in this email and all these different things were coming and you might be in here today saying man something happened back in high school or something happened when i was a child or something happened at my old job or something happened at my old church that's never been dealt with the way that we are supposed to deal with things as as christians and you might be saying here how in the world do i get to this point and where does the power come from to help me actually live this out well if you haven't figured it out the the power is found in in the gospel and for us to understand the secret to repairing broken relationships in your life you have to number one look at the cross you have to look at the cross you see there's a a critical turning point for philemon in this story and it applies to every single person in here philemon was was wronged onesimus wrong to to our knowledge philemon didn't do anything wrong to onesimus right like onesimus was the one who stole for all we know philemon he had all these other servants and and he gave onesimus work and paid him and all this kind of stuff and then onesimus has the audacity to steal from a master who was giving him you know his you know his career if you would philemon did absolutely nothing nothing wrong here in this this story he would see himself as as the one who wronged me we're going to call that he's going to see himself as a creditor right the i was wronged if anybody's going to apologize it better be them because they're the ones who did me wrong and some of you that's where you're at today you've already put up a wall around you when something happened in your life and you're immediately thinking no no no no they're the ones who did me wrong i hope they're paying attention to this sermon they're not in the room you probably thought man i hope they're watching online today i really wish they were here today they're the ones who need it and that's exactly how philemon felt philemon was going on through life like hey i'm leading the church everything's fine you know or whatever and then here comes a letter delivered by the man who wronged him from the apostle paul who also led philemon to christ and anytime the apostle paul you know writes you a letter you better pay a little bit of attention to it that's one you really need to put a closer ear to and philemon opens this letter and here the apostle paul's saying hey you need to receive this guy the way that you do and he's thinking no i'm the one i'm the one who deserves the apology because onesimus wrong me you see the point is the turning point for philemon is moving from being a creditor somebody who thinks hey they're the ones who did me wrong till he realized that he was a debtor you see he had to move from this idea that that that we were the ones that were wrong to the idea that we are in debt to everybody else and that's what the apostle paul that's what the entire letter is about is he's telling philemon that you are in debt you say who is he in debt to is he in debt to onesimus yes here's why is because he is forever indebted to the one who completely forgave him of everything that he ever did wrong and if god loved us enough to forgive philemon of everything wrong then out of that love we are called and commissioned and commanded to do the same to everyone else you see because we are forever in debt to god we are forever in debt to every single person that walks on the planet to forgive them that's the point but you only find that in the cross you only find it in the cross the cross is the standard to how far your forgiveness can go the cross is the standard by how far your forgiveness should go some of you you're not forgiven that way i know i wasn't i was a pastor for crying out loud i preached every single week to a bunch of teenagers and in the back of my mind i hated somebody and some of you it's no different than you coming and lifting an or saying amen or saying man god bless you on sunday and you leave here and you know there's somebody in your life a parent a spouse a co-worker a friend a child whatever and there's somebody in your life that you cannot stand when they walk into a room you almost cringe because you don't like them because they did something to you when you look at the cross you find that that is the exact life that we were enemies of god that we were foreigners in this land we were his enemies we were rebellious towards him and we did some very wrong bad sinful evil things to our father and in the midst of all of our wrong in the midst of being wrong you know what he did he loved us he loved you how foolish are we not to love everybody else you got to look up at the cross but you have to live out the gospel you say what is the gospel i know we talk about the gospel but listen it's not a sermon if it's not if the gospel is not in it you see the gospel is the hope of the world the gospel is what jesus did for you it's the fact that in the midst of your rebellion you see the gospel i say this all the time the gospel is not a story of god coming to you when you were looking for him you know what the what the beauty of the gospel is the most beautiful thing to me about the gospel is the fact that god came to me when i wasn't searching for him i was rebelling against him he sought me out when i didn't deserve it he found me when i didn't love him when i was rebellious and evil and sinful and bad and wicked and everything else you know what god said i love you and i am going to die on a cross to pay for your sin debt a debt that was so heavy that i could never ever repay there wasn't enough good that i could ever do to ever repay the debt that is in front of me and what god did was he said i'm going to send jesus the only righteous one to have ever walked on the face of the earth the only one worthy to stand before a father i'm going to send him to live a perfect life to die the death that you deserve to pay for your sin and here's the beauty of this he wiped my slate clean everything that i did wrong is gone it's forgiven i owe nothing i owe nothing and you see the gospel in this story and the gospel is the standard by which you forgive other people cory ten boom wrote a book in 1971 it was published called the hiding place and and in this book she talks about her years of being and living in a concentration camp and her experiences there with nazi germany and cory ten boom actually and her family they they saved and rescued many jews and helped them escape the nazi holocaust and world war ii and in 1971 she published this book called the hiding place that is all about her experiences after that season of her life in the book she recounts a time where she was asked to go to germany and she was speaking about forgiveness and she was asked to speak at this place and while she was speaking there and you can read this in her book the hiding place i encourage you pick it up she she actually was there and she saw at the end of her talk at the end of her speech about forgiveness she saw a man looking at her and she stood face to face and she knew because she recognized him she came face to face with a cruel and heartless german guard that she remembers there in germany this man she says in her book had humiliated and degraded her and her sister in fact her sister died there during the season this man she says jeered at her and visually raped her and her sister as they stood in the shower in front of him she was speaking at this church in germany when that same guard approached her and he walks up to her after the speech and he said to her i have become a christian i know that god has forgiven me for the cruel things that i did there but i would like to hear it from your lips as well corrie ten boom in her book she said i stood there i who sins had every day to be forgiven betsy my sister had died in that place could he erase her slow terrible death simply by asking it could not have been many seconds that he stood there with his hand held out but to me it seemed hours as i wrestled with the most difficult thing i'd ever had to do she said in her book for i had to do it i knew that and yet still i stood there with the coldness clutching my heart but forgiveness is not an emotion i knew that too forgiveness is an act of the will and the will can function regardless of the temperature of my heart so i prayed silently jesus help me i can lift my hand i can do that much but you have to supply the feeling so she says in her book so woodenly mechanically i thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me and as i did an incredible thing took place the current started in my shoulder it raced down my arm sprang into our joined hands and then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being bringing tears to my eyes she said i don't know where this came from but out of my mouth i said i forgive you brother she said i cried with all my heart and then she said this and you'll see this up on the screen she said i've never known the love of god so intensely as i did in that moment to forgive is to set a prisoner free and discovering all the while that the prisoner all along was you was you some of you you have unforgiveness in your life and you don't realize it that the only one that's in bondage more than anybody else is yourself it's you it's you and today you can have the opportunity to release it if it's wombs of a mom or wombs of a dad or wombs of a grandparent or wombs of a a child or a parent whatever wombs of a former co-worker of yours a neighbor somebody in the church listen i mean i pastored this church for two years and one of the things that i hate hearing more than anything else is when you complain to me about somebody that hurt you back in high school 25 years ago you see we have things like like that that we harbor onto and when people walk through the doors we have a a thought that immediately pops in our head about something that they did to us many years before and we just refuse to forgive you say what do we do with this you got to identify the person that you most identify with in the story for some of you you're philemon you're the one that was wronged here's your next step you need to forgive you need to go to the person and you need to forgive make it right reconcile the relationship fight for unity some of you might identify with onesimus you're the one who wronged somebody and listen it's hard to admit our wrong right it's hard to go to somebody and look them in the eye and say i'm sorry but remember the cross is the standard by which you are to forgive others and if we're going to to meet that standard then nothing that somebody else does to us is unforgivable you got to ask for forgiveness some of you you're paul you're the peacemaker like you need to fight for restoration when somebody comes to you and complains about somebody else or a family you need to fight for reconciliation be a part of that peacemaker not saying you have to write a letter to the person like the apostle paul chose to do but what you need to do is fight to reconcile relationships restoring the people around you that's what we need and then some of you if you're in here today and you're just like i can't find the power to do it i'll just be honest you might not fully understand the gospel you might not be a christian and i don't say that to scare you all i'm saying is when you get a glimpse of the forgiveness that we have forever experienced in a relationship with god then everything else what people do to us it pales in comparison to what we did to him he's the standard nothing is unforgivable let's be a church that fights for reconciliation that makes things right that fights for peace and that is quick to forgive because those are the things that jesus has done for us can you bow your heads with me would you please stand heads bowed hearts lifted in prayer i poured my my heart my story out to you i don't want anybody looking around but i want to ask you a question as our instruments they can go ahead and start playing when they get into place but i want to ask you a question today and i want you to be honest because i was honest before you you say pastor there is someone in my life that god put on my heart that i have unresolved conflict with in my life and you say god spoke to me that's all i'm going to ask you to do would you slip up your hand okay i see it hands listen guys don't look around but there are hands going up everywhere we're struggling with it listen get it right today right when you leave don't let it wait because here's what the enemy's going to want you to do when you leave here he's going to say hey that was too long ago don't do it you forgot hey eat lunch first and then you're going to forget about it no no right after this you can do it right here if somebody's in this place reconcile it don't post about them on facebook hoping that they see it and things like that no no that's not the answer reconcile relationships make it right don't just sit there and harbor it that's killing and destroying you i'm going to pray for you and if god speaks to you you can come to the altar you can pray where you're at wherever god leads you but i want you to do business with god father lord i'm so grateful for the forgiveness that i've experienced and i'm grateful for the forgiveness that you've given me and let that be the standard of my heart and how i treat other people god blessing this invitation time give people the courage to make a decision and to move and to go to people and to make things right today for it's in your name we pray if god speaks to you come the altar is open nobody's going to judge you listen i was a pastor deep in sin of unforgiveness and i'm grateful that nobody judged me but if god speaks to you you need to do something about it make it right if you're a young person here and something happened at school make it right make it right don't don't harbor unforgiveness go to the person look them in the eye forgive them because that's what jesus has done for you