For Better or Worse // Marriage Roles // Pastor Josh Evans

Amen. What great music. If it is well with your soul, can I get an amen today?

And some of you have never shouted in church, and that would be a good time to do it for your very first time. And I also thought, what a fitting song as we continue our series on marriage. It is well. Well, I hope it's well with your soul today, okay?

But no, what a tremendous, tremendous song, and what a great, great message in that song. Hey listen, it is good to see you here. Let me say this, if we have not met before, I know I've met a couple of you for the very first time. My name is Josh, I'm the pastor here, and it is our joy to have you in our service.

And we always love to meet people for the very, very first time. And we are in one service, so if this is your first time ever here, this is normal to you. If you're a regular attender, sometimes we do different services. If you've been a part of our service, I feel like we've changed our service times 35 times in the last month, and it's been wild. But I am glad we are here, I'm glad we're in one service, and I appreciate everybody's flexibility.

Just kind of as we make adjustments every now and then, and I love being together, I really do. And I love seeing you all in here, and so it is so good to see you. If you have your Bible, you can go to Ephesians chapter number five. Ephesians chapter number five, and we are in week number two of a series that we began last week entitled, For Better or For Worse.

Okay, For Better or For Worse. It is a series on marriage, and I want to be up front, because any time, but the Bible talks a lot about marriage, so it's something that we have to address. And I understand in a room this size, there's many of you who are not married, and I want to be sensitive to you, and so I want you to encourage.

There's still something that you can pull out of these weeks, and so I want you to be faithful. If you're a young person in here, I know what it's like sitting in a room, and the pastor's talking about marriage, and you're kind of like, you know, that's not even on your radar. In fact, I asked my son this morning before I walked out, he was sitting at the kitchen table, and I told him, I said, Cameron, I want you to pray for dad. I'm preaching today. And I told him, I said, I'm preaching on marriage. And I said, do you have any advice for the congregation about marriage? And he said, no, I don't.

And I was like, okay, he's not giving me anything, any preaching material. And so I said, well, do you plan, I mean, you're seven years old, do you plan to get married one day? He looked at me and said, absolutely not. And so, yes, so I guess he might be living with us for forever.

So we'll see. But no, I understand if you're young, you're not thinking about marriage, but I actually think that this series could apply to you as much as anybody else in the room, because you're in a position to make some decisions now that could impact the story that you will tell in the future. And so if you're young, I don't want you just today and this next week to kind of tune it out and say, hey, I don't need this, I would actually lean in just a little bit, and hopefully you can gain some principles that will help you decide when God leads you to that special someone.

Here's the big idea for the series. I really believe this about our church. I believe that the health of our church is determined by the spiritual health of the families in this room. And so I really believe if we as a church are going to be spiritually healthy, we are going to have to have spiritually healthy people in this room and spiritually healthy families in this room. I mentioned this by way of introduction last week, but a few disclaimers as we kind of talk about this, because I know what it's like to sit in a service and you listen to the pastor. You just assume that the pastor is an expert about everything that I say up here. I want you to know Abby and I's marriage is not not perfect.

If you don't believe me, all you got to do is spend a few hours with us and you will find out, wow, they're human, just like just like you. And so we are not not perfect. We have challenges and and we have serious discussions.

You might call them fights. OK, we have those same things. All right. And the second thing, I am a pastor and I'm a shepherd. I am not a professional marriage counselor. And so there could be in your marriage, depending on what you have going on, there could be a chance that you need some extra spiritual counseling in your life. And we would love to help you with that.

And you can always come to any of our pastors. And we would be more than happy to to point you in the right direction and try to help your marriage. Marriage succeed. But last week we looked at the importance of if you want to have a healthy, a spiritually healthy marriage, you have to seek God first. You have to have your priorities in line.

Your spouse cannot. The world would say your spouse has to be your number one. And the Bible would say God has to be your number number one.

And and if you want to have a healthy relationship with your number two, you have to have a right relationship with with him, your your number one. And and today we are going to talk about something that's going to be really fun. So I want you to buckle your seats.

In fact, look to your neighbor and say, buckle up. All right. We're going to talk about we're going to talk about about marriage roles. In fact, I thought we're going to talk about marriage roles. And I thought now would be a good time for if we have any security guys to like shut the doors, lock the doors.

Nobody can slip out for the next 25 to 30 minutes. OK. And we're going to talk about marriage roles. In most cases, men and women act, think and respond differently to life. Thank you.

All right. I am telling you, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that that men and women respond differently to to life. In fact, have you ever, you know, women and men, they respond throughout the day differently to to what happens.

In fact, this might make a lot of sense. This is kind of a going to show you a picture of a typical man's day and a typical woman's day right here in a nutshell with emojis. Men were pretty much the same women. They are constantly like a roller coaster all day long. You ever when when you go home in the evening and and you ask, you know, your spouse, how was your day? My wife asked me that about every single day. And I'm always like, about like yesterday. And she's like, when I ask her, I better just sit down for the rest of the evening, how her day was.

Right. And so this is kind of like this shows some of some of the differences. Have you ever as a as a spouse tried to get a hold of your spouse by way of text messaging? And and like if if Abby doesn't respond to my text, you know, a lot of times I'm just like, no worries. She's she's busy. I'm not worried if I don't respond or Texas.

It's much different. In fact, this kind of describes how we respond. Women, if he doesn't respond, they think he doesn't love me. He's in an accident. He's ignoring me. Somebody's kidnapped him, whatever. Right. And for me, I'm just like, no worries. She's probably sleeping or whatever. I don't know if that is the it happens happens to each one of you or if that one doesn't kind of fit with you.

How about this? You know, in your minds, this kind of describes a husband's brain compared to a wife's brain. We're all we're all different. OK, we're all all different.

I just saw somebody in the audience taking a picture of the screen. It was a man. And and that is that is not the right time to do that. OK. And and so that counseling I mentioned earlier, it's going to become handy for some of you. Listen, it doesn't take a lot to recognize that men and women are different. In fact, they are created by God, God differently. In fact, in Ephesians Chapter five, which is where our text is going to be today, it talks about the differences, the God ordained differences between between men and between women, between husband and wife. The Book of Ephesians, just to give you a little bit of a background. The book really talks about our identity in Jesus Christ. And so I'd encourage you, in fact, if you tune in online to our Sunday evening online broadcast, we actually are working through verse by verse through the Book of Ephesians.

It's an incredible book. It's it's theologically rich and it talks about who you are in Christ. In fact, chapters one, two and three of the Book of Ephesians is all about who you are in Christ and what you have in Christ and what Christ has done for you. And when you understand that there's a transition point as it goes to chapters four, five and six, that if you understand who you are in Christ and you understand what you have in Christ and what he's done for you, then it will be played out in the way that you live, which is chapters four, five and six, which are some of the most practical chapters in all of the all of the New Testament. So what the apostle Paul is saying as he's writing to the church, he's saying, once you identify and understand who you are in Christ, it will give you the power, not you, but the power living in you, working through you.

It will give you the power to live out the God ordained and God designed role that God has given you the gifts to live out in your in your marriage. We're going to pick it up in verse twenty twenty twenty two of chapter five. It says this wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto unto the Lord. Now, this is most ladies favorite verse in all of scripture. Okay.

I'm sure if I walked into half of your homes, there's probably a pillow somewhere in your house that says wives submit to your husbands. That's a joke. Listen, if you buy that Valentine's is coming up. Let me just talk to the guys. Listen, that's not a good gift. Okay.

I know women like decorative pillows that say really catchy phrases. Verse twenty two is not one of them. I don't put it on there. But wives submit yourselves into your own husbands as unto unto the Lord. In other words, for for his sake. Let me say this. And we're going to dive deep into this here in a minute.

And so I'm just going to give you a little bit of an overview. I want you to understand that this verse, contrary to what other people might say, this verse is not implying inferiority in the relationship. This is not about rank. It's not about value.

Okay. This is about roles. It's just we have different different roles. In fact, when we live out our our God ordained God designed roles as unto the Lord implies that it honors God. It honors God.

If you want to bring honor to God, live out the roles that are set before you. So wives submit unto yourselves and your own husbands as unto the Lord. Verse twenty three for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the of the church and he is the the savior of the body.

Therefore, he repeats himself. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ. So let the wives be to their own husbands in in everything. Husbands. Verse twenty five. Love your wives.

Here's how. As Christ also loved the church and he gave himself for it. That he might sanctify that word sanctify it literally means to to set apart to be holy. This is this is kind of how your marriage should look if you're a young person in this room and you plan to get married someday. This is the design by God.

If you are functioning the way that God has specifically designed for you to function, then your marriage should be set apart. It should be holy. It should be, he says, sanctified.

It should also be cleansed with the washing of water by by the word that he might present it to himself. A glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without without blemish. Wouldn't it be awesome if all the families and in our church lived out their God designed roles in your marriage relationship.

So that our church was completely full of families that are sanctified that are cleansed by the washing of the word of God. Verse twenty eight. So all men to love their wives as I would encourage you men circle that.

Here's what it means. The same as you love your own body. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. Here's the apostle Paul.

He knows that he's probably getting some resistance there in from the church at Ephesus. So he says, listen, guys, no man have ever yet hated his own flesh. Listen, there's not a man out there that that hates his own flesh. We love ourselves. We're built to love ourselves. We're built to believe in ourselves.

We're built to to want what's best for us. And what the apostle Paul is saying is that as much as you want what's best for you, you need to want the same as best for your your spouse. For no man yet ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it even as the Lord the church. Just so as as Jesus as our father cherishes you. And we can read about that throughout the New Testament.

He cherished you so much that he was willing to stretch out on a cross for you the same way that our heavenly father loves you that much. The apostle Paul is saying, men, that's the way that you are supposed to love your love your spouse. For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. For this call shall man leave his father and mother. Genesis 2 24 is referencing that shall be joined unto his wife and they too shall be shall be one one flesh. The Old Testament uses the word the word cleave. It's that idea of leaving father and mother and the two shall be shall be one flesh. They become become one verse 32.

This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular. So love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her her husband in other words respect or or admire her husband. Listen, this is the big idea.

I want to give it to you up front. This is the big idea of what we're going to talk about for the few minutes that we have together. A healthy marriage can be experienced when the husband and wife embrace their God given roles. OK, and so we all strive for healthy marriages, right? I mean, if you're married in here and I walked around and said, hey, do you want a healthy marriage? Nobody's going to say, you know, that's really not what I'm looking for. You're going to want you're going to want a healthy, healthy marriage. In fact, I guarantee you that if we had all of the young people that are not married in this room and we said, hey, do you want a healthy and a happy marriage one day?

Guess what? I'm sure they're going to say that's exactly what I want. One one day.

Not today, but maybe one day in the future. All of us strive for that. And I want you to understand that you can achieve that and you can experience that when the husband and wife live out and embrace their God given roles. They're God given given roles. Let's look at roles first. I want you to understand just the first point, if you would. God designed us uniquely.

God designed men and women uniquely. Now, one of the the problems with with roles, any time we we talk about roles in in the church, one of the problems with that is that we sometimes interpret roles as as value. As value. We think that, you know, based on the role, they have different different value.

And I want you to know that that cannot be further from the truth. As we look at this, here's the kind of idea or picture I want you to understand. Equal value, different roles, equal value, different roles. So so as we look here in a moment as some of the specific roles of the husband and the wife, I want you to understand. We are not saying that the husband is more valuable than the than the wife. In fact, men, I want you to understand something that in your marriage relationship, we're not saying that you're more valuable, you're more important than your spouse. All we're saying is that God has given and designed for you to lead differently than her. We all on the same page in here. OK, so some of you, man, it's a quiet service. I knew lock those doors.

I was not joking. OK, here's all I'm saying. Equal value, different roles. Remember in Genesis chapter one and verse twenty seven. Remember when it says when when the woman was created out of man, it says that he created them. Male and female created he he them. You see, he created them specifically and uniquely different so that they can fulfill the role that that they are supposed to.

So so if you say, OK, that's what that's good. I get that that God's created and designed us uniquely. What happens when we when we actually live out our roles? Look at verse twenty five.

Husbands love your wife, even as Christ also loved the church. He gave himself for it that he might sanctify and cleanse it by the washing of of the word of God. Listen, here's what happens when you recognize and embrace that God created you differently. You will achieve spiritual health. You will achieve spiritual health. So so that's what we're all striving for. We want to be holy. We want to be cleansed. We want to be like what he said, without blemish, without spot.

That's all what we want. But in order for us to get it, it means that we have to live out the God ordained role that he has given us for for today. So if you do that, you experience spiritual health. The second thing you experience is oneness, oneness. You see, unity is achieved.

Listen, if you can't find unity in your relationship, it is probably not because you guys have fallen out of love for one another. It's basically because you have probably one of you have fallen out of love with Jesus, and you're not living out the God ordained role that that we should be accomplishing. OK. And so once we live out our God ordained role and we are loving one another the way that that Ephesians five, the way that Christ loved the church, we're going to experience oneness.

We're going to experience unity. The third thing, our marriage will reflect the gospel. It will reflect the gospel. Verse twenty five. Even as Christ also loved, loved the church and he gave himself for it. You see, I cannot stress that verse enough.

That is the picture. When you set out and you get married and young people, when one day you stand in a church or when I was growing up, everybody got married in a church. Let me make this for the young people. When you stand in some rustic barn where, you know what I'm saying, because that's how young people are. And there's one hundred photographers in the room.

You know what I'm saying? Like, if you're older, let's just be real. Like my age, I mean, you didn't get married other places.

Young people today, it's like, man, we got to let's go downtown, you know, whatever, you know, wherever you get married. But one day when you stand and you share these vows, I want you to understand that what you're saying, not only are you saying I'm going to spend the rest of my life with one another, but the way that God has designed marriage to work is that your union, your marriage from that point forward would reflect the gospel, would reflect the way that Christ has loved you and the way that Christ has loved me. That's the picture and that's what we should see. How awesome would it be if all the families in our church would really understand the gospel at work in your life? And then when you go out into this community that we live and they see marriages throughout our community because of you that reflect the gospel.

That's what we need to do. The world should see Jesus through the way that you and your spouse treats one another. That's the that's the picture given here in this passage. So God designed us uniquely. And when we when we live out our roles, we find spiritual health, we find oneness or unity, we find our marriage reflecting the gospel. The second thing, God assigned roles specifically. God assigned roles specifically. Here's the husband's primary role.

So, men, if you're if you're in here and you're sleeping right now, I want I want you to tune in for just a second. OK, here's your primary role. The husband's primary role is to lovingly lead his wife. Your primary role is to lovingly lead your wife. It's the idea of of of headship. Verse twenty three for the husband is the is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the is the head of the of the church.

Verse twenty five. Husbands love your wives as Christ also has as love the church. You see the picture that that's your primary role is to lovingly lead his wife. You say, OK, I get that. I've heard that a thousand times in church.

How do I do I do that? Here's a few things. You lead her by providing for her. You lead her by providing for her. You know, I'm probably reading into the text a little bit, but if you look back into the garden when God, you know, created man. Here's what's really interesting to me about the way and the order that I was created. God gave the man a job and he actually was taking over and he was over the beast in the garden and he was taking care of of the garden. You see, I think that there is a picture there that God gave man a job before God gave man a wife. Listen, I just want you to know you are supposed to lead by provision, by providing for your for your spouse.

The second thing is this. You lead her spiritually. Going back to the garden, we know that before man was given a wife, he had a relationship with God.

I think it's important. Men, I cannot stress this enough that it is your job to lead the home spiritually. Listen, you know, and I look I'm right there with you. I understand where you're at. So I'm not preaching at you. I'm preaching with you because I probably should be sitting and letting somebody else, you know, share this and challenging me.

I know what it's like to be where you are. But if you look across culture, it's too common for women to lead home spiritually. Now, I think women should be spiritual.

I'm not saying that. But too many men are taking a back seat to the God given role that God has assigned and designed for them to have. And so I want to challenge you, men, if you're not if you're not leading spiritually, you're not fulfilling the God ordained responsibility that he has placed into into your life. Let me encourage you to lead. You say, how in the world do I do I lead?

One way is verse 26 with the washing of the word of God. You want to know a good way to start leading your home. If you're like, man, I've taken a back seat. Hey, this would be a good time to start and to change that.

If you're like, man, I've been taking a back seat. Pastor Josh, here's a good way to start it. Start reading your Bible each and every day. And not only that, maybe even read it with your family. How about start praying with your with your spouse?

I mean, I've never done that. What a great way to start leading and start taking up the responsibility that God has given you in the home. Start start doing those things and leading, praying with your kids. The third thing, not only does he lead by providing for her, he leads her spiritually, leads her sacrificially, sacrificially.

The way that Jesus loved the church and he gave himself for it. Listen, when I think about that, I always think about, you know, like, man, if somebody comes in and wants to, like, kill my wife. Am I going to jump in front? You know, the bullet, right? Listen, that's an extreme. And and I understand I literally have dreamed about those moments.

OK. And and so, you know, I just think I want to be the Superman of the story. Right. But here's what I'll tell you. That's kind of an extreme thing.

But but if you think about it, God, he laid down his life or Jesus laid down his life. Here's what that what that means. It means valuing her desires and wishes more than your own. More than your own.

I can't stress enough that in this passage, he says, love your spouse just like you love yourself. Listen, I know what it's like. Listen, I want to I want to eat where I want to eat. I want a vacation where I want to vacation. I want to do what I want to do on Saturday. I want to get up and take out the trash when I want to get up and take out the trash. OK, now I'm speaking your language.

I knew if I kept getting there, I'd eventually get to where you're at. Listen, I want all of those things just like everybody else. You see, loving your spouse the way that Christ loved the church.

Sometimes it means laying down what you want for what she wants. And we have to live out our God given role. If I can summarize it this way. Here's what I want you to do.

Men write this down. Lead. It's that simple. Lead, lead, lead, lead.

I can't stress it enough. Lead. Lead your family. Be the one that's leading them spiritually.

Guys, spiritual leadership and headship in the home. It is not your license to do what you want to do. It is your license to do what you ought to do. It's not a license just, man, I'm the head of the home. I can do whatever I want. I can make whatever decision I want, whatever.

No, it's the license to do what you should and ought to be doing. The wife's primary role. Men, are you OK?

You OK? Some of you are like, man, I am moving my church membership tomorrow. But hey, we're jumping into the wife now. So wife, you buckle up. Here we go.

Just kidding. The wife's primary role in scripture is that of a helper. The word, you know, help meet in the Old Testament is the same word that that scripture uses in scripture when it says that that God is our our help. So that's the that's the implication here of what what it's saying. I want you to know and women, I cannot stress this enough because I think some of these verses have been, if I'm being completely honest with you, I think it's been completely taken out of context in so many ways, even in churches over the years.

And I apologize for some of that. But I want you to know, women, this does not mean the dominance of the man. It does not mean that. That is not what is implied in Ephesians Chapter five. And if that's the way that maybe you grew up or if that's the way that that maybe you were taught, I want you to understand that you have equal value in the home.

I cannot stress that stress that enough. It just means that your role is a tad different, different than the man. I was thinking about about this and I want to illustrate it as best as best as I can. And so I was thinking about our pastoral staff. Here's what I when I was thinking about that. I was like, OK, pastoral staff, husband and wife relationship.

I don't really know how those mesh. But I want you to understand is that, you know, we have we have three full time pastors here at our church. So we have me, you have Pastor David and you have Pastor Bailey. So we have we have three pastors. Here's what I want you to understand is that I'm the senior pastor.

Right. But here's the thing. That does not mean that I am any more valuable than David or Pastor Bailey. I would, in fact, tell you that we are all equal in value, every single one of us. But here's the difference. We all have different roles. It doesn't mean that I'm more important. It doesn't mean that, in fact, sometimes me effectively leading them and leading our church means sometimes that I have to lay down what I want for the good of the church. In fact, I'll just be honest with you.

Many of you who have been a part of our church for the last few months have noticed that we've changed service times a time or two. Don't laugh. You guys are being mean to me today. You know that. But here's what I want you to understand.

If you're new to our church, I'm not exaggerating. I've mentioned this earlier. We have changed service times. Like somebody told me I'm not going to call them out, but their last name ends in Fischl and begins with Ryan.

And so he told me he doesn't even know when to set his alarm on Sunday mornings anymore. I get it. OK, I get it.

All right. But I want you to know that at the end of the day, I wanted if you if I had this, you know, the vote that I wanted more than anything, you know what I wanted? Two services. OK, I wanted two services. That's what I just I did. And and so I wanted that.

That's just what I fought for. I mean, every time we get around to it, the staff's probably tired of me saying it. I'm always like, hey, is it a good time to go back to two services? You know, I just want to grow.

I want to fill this place up as many times as we can, honestly. And so I'm always like that. Here's what I had to understand. Now, I'm the I'm the senior pastor, so I could make whatever decision I really wanted. But for me to effectively lead, I had to do what was best for for everybody.

And even if that means that our staff encourages, hey, I think it's time for us to be in one service. You see, sometimes leadership, specifically the home, sometimes men as we lead, sometimes it means laying our life down for them. I love the story of Tim and Kathy Keller. Tim is a pastor in New York City. And Kathy, when she was when he told her that I feel God calling us to lead a church up in New York City, Kathy said that that she did not feel that God was God was calling him to do that.

So. So Tim Keller was he was called. He's like, man, I believe God's telling me to do this.

She kind of doesn't feel that way. So he got to the point where he was like, well, listen, if if you're not being led that way, then, hey, you know, that's fine. And and she said, but listen, I want you to understand something.

I will go wherever God leads you to do. And here's what she said. She said, I want I've she thanked her husband for giving her a vote because remember equal value.

And he was willing even to back away if he had to from where he felt the leading was. But she said, listen, the scripture says that you have the deciding vote. So she said, you see, that is that is lovingly leading in the home. It doesn't mean we run home and we say this is how it's going to be. That's not the way that scripture has designed for it to be. The wife is a a help meet a help me. She should be yielding to the leadership, by the way, the spiritual leadership of the husband.

Equal value, different roles. The third thing is God empowers us supernaturally. You guys still with me today?

All right, sweet. Abby, if we need to look for another church, we can. So God empowers us super. I appreciate a church that is willing to hear the word of God preached.

You know, that's that's the ultimate thing. And so God empowers us a spiritual and supernaturally. Listen, I want you to understand that there is power behind God's design. The way that God has designed life to work, there is a supernatural power behind it.

Let me say this, that if you feel like you have lost the supernatural power in your marriage. And I don't know your story, but it's not because God's design is imperfect. It's because sin has entered into God's design. And so we have to understand that the way that God designed the world to work.

There is a supernatural power behind it. But the problem is we're we're sinners. If you look back in Chapter five, just a few verses earlier, before he starts instructing the church at Ephesus about the home, he says in verse 18, And be not drunk with wine wherein is excess, but be what's the next phrase? Filled with the Spirit. Listen, I want you to understand it's the fullness of the Spirit of God that creates in you the power that you need to live unselfishly and fulfill your God given role in the home. It's the it's the fullness of the Spirit that creates in you the power to live unselfishly and fulfill your God given role. I'd venture to say that you cannot fulfill your God given role without the fullness of the Spirit. We need the Spirit leading us. And when we allow the Spirit to lead the husband and we allow the Spirit to lead the spouse, here's what you're going to find. You're going to find mutual submission. Verse 21, submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. What you're going to find is it is when you are being led by the Spirit and you're filled with the Spirit of God. What you're going to find in the marriage is that you guys are trying to just outgive one another. What a perfect, awesome thing that would be.

You're going to mutually submit. And then you're going to find in verse 32, you're going to find gospel vision. He says, This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the and the church.

You see, a spirit filled marriage, it allows the husband and allows the wife to stay focused on the spiritual purpose of their marriage. And here's your purpose to be a picture of the gospel, a picture of the way that Christ loved you. You cannot achieve that picture without the fullness of the Spirit of God. But let me tell you this, that when you wake up every day and you beg God to fill you with the Spirit as the men of the home and women, you ask God to fill you with the Spirit.

Here's what you're going to find. You're going to find that people, when they look at you, they don't see your marriage. They see a picture of the gospel. They see a picture of the way that Christ has loved the church. They see the same thing in the way that he loved the church.

They see it in you. You say, how did Jesus love us? Jesus loved us when we did not love him. Listen, you didn't come into this world loving him.

He knew that. And in spite of your sin, in spite of the bad things that we have done, and Ephesians chapter 2 talks about all of the bad things that we were and all that we were born into. And by the way, that's everybody in here, including the man standing before you today. Listen, we didn't come into this world loving him. He loved us first. And you've got to understand something. That is the picture.

So that's how you need to lead and love your spouse. Number two, Jesus looks past your blemishes and he sees beauty. Think about it. None of us are perfect. There's not a perfect person in here. If you're looking for the perfect soul mate, if you're young, guess what? You're not going to find them because they're not out there. None of us are perfect.

I'm not perfect, but I'm thankful I serve a God who loves me and doesn't see the blemishes inside of me, but sees the beauty inside of me. And listen, that's the way that you should love your spouse. When you wake up every day, you don't need to remember all the bad things about your spouse. You don't remember. You don't need to be remembering all the blemishes.

You don't need to be remembering all the past things. You don't need to wake up and say you always do this because that is the farthest thing from the way that Christ loved you. And that's the way we need to love our spouse.

Look past their blemishes and see the beauty. Jesus did it all in our relationship. He lived the perfect life that you could never live. He died the death that you deserve. Jesus didn't just die for us.

He died instead of us. You see, He initiated the love. You say, how do I fulfill my God-given role in the home?

It's very simple. We go deeper in our understanding of the way that He loves us. And the more that you understand and the more that you see the gospel and the more that the gospel continues to work in your life and you begin to see, man, Jesus loved me this way, but I see myself loving my spouse this way. If you just allow the gospel to change your life from the inside out, you're going to wake up and there's going to be a supernatural power behind the way that you find yourself loving your spouse. You're going to start loving them when they're unlovable.

You're going to start looking past their blemishes and you're going to start seeing their beauty. You're going to start loving them even when they don't deserve it, because that's the way that Christ loved you. You want to fulfill the design that God has designed for you to fulfill that same role? Go deeper in the understanding of the way that Jesus loves you. Because your marriage should be a picture of the way that Jesus loves the church. Is that how your marriage functions?

Is that the way that you actively love your spouse each and every day? Say, man, that's not the way that I love. Listen, here's what we got to do. We got to go deeper. Don't just get out of here. I don't want you to just leave here and say, I'm going to try harder tomorrow. No, you need to get more in love with Jesus.

And the deeper that we get in love with him, the more that he changes our heart to be able to love and fulfill the God designed roles that he wants us to fulfill. Would you bow your heads with me? Let's do this. Let's all stand at this time. Heads bowed.

Hearts are lifted in prayer. I don't want anybody looking around. I don't want to embarrass any families in here. But you know where your marriage is at today. And if you're a married couple in here, I want you to remember your role.

Equal value, different roles. And I want you to remember, are you fulfilling the God designed role for your marriage? If not, listen, God loves you. And you need to go deeper in your understanding of how much he loves you.

And it will change you and empower you to love your spouse the way that he loved the church. Listen, the way that we respond here, you can respond right where you're at. But if you feel comfortable, we have we have an altar open. Maybe men, if you're in here, you like, man, I need to lead.

I need to lead. Maybe you need to come forward and and maybe pray and say, God in power, God strengthen me. Maybe husband and wife need to come together and say, you know what? Maybe we should pray together. What a powerful thing that would be.

Our altars are are always open and and you can you can deal and do business with God right where right where you're at. But man, what a testimony for this community. We all talk about, man, let's change the community. Let's reach people in the community. What better way than strengthening the relationships of the people that are in this room? What better way than strengthening the families in this room? Young person, I know that that a message like this, you're probably like, well, I won't need this for another 10 years or another 15 years or five years.

I don't know where you're at. But but let me remind you that that this is something maybe you need to just pray right now, say, man, in the meantime, until God gets me to that point, maybe I need to pray, God, that you need to be first in my life. Right now, I need I need to be the person that he wants me to be right now, so that when he, you know, finds that I'm ready to meet the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with, then I'll be ready because I've been meeting with with him.

Young person, maybe that's where you need to pray today to be that person that God wants you to to be. Amen. Amen.

You guys can have a seat real quick. Hey, listen, I just want you to know that this is the kind of thing you get when we go to one service. OK. No, I'm just kidding. You guys.

OK. I know. I know that we preached hard today. I feel like man, I feel like a shouting preacher. You know what I'm saying?

You know, any of you go to the churches where they just shout and shout and shout and yell at you. If you're close enough, you might, you know, catch a little bit of spit every now and then you've been there. I feel like that was me today. I was really borderline. I was like, awesome. So, hey, listen, wanted to achieve that all my life. I'm almost there now. Hey, listen, thanks for thanks for being here.

And I really appreciate you being here. Remember, when you go out, God uniquely designed you differently than your spouse. OK. Equal value.

Different roles. All right. Let your relationship be a picture of Jesus. Hey, Pastor Bailey is going to come at this time. He's going to share some prayer updates with us and then we'll be dismissed.