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Some much needed Christ-Centered Wisdom for your Family

Truth Talk / Stu Epperson
The Truth Network Radio
July 12, 2019 8:00 am

Some much needed Christ-Centered Wisdom for your Family

Truth Talk / Stu Epperson

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July 12, 2019 8:00 am

Stu interviews Dr. Gary Chapman and co-author Dr. Shannon Warden on their new book, The DIY Guide to Improving Your Family.


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The institution of the family is under attack how you play offense. What you do to honor Christ to raise a godly seed in a dark world where so much sin and temptation and those devices. The screens are dominating our children's lives, your parent, how do you build a family that lasts and how do you do it yourself well.

Good thing I got these guest in her day's organelle was through it wonderful friend and mentor Dr. Gary Chapman also woman of God in counselor and professor Dr. Shannon Warner, both in the studio right now. Welcome to talk we can so good to have you guys with us.

We are glad to be hasty. Thanks for having ethics to be with you today.

What encouragement and thank you for writing this book. It's much needed were just gonna break it down and working share with our listeners something some encouraging and practical advice to help the families cassettes were about. This also will gonna podcast all these different areas were connected with boards larger here. I want to kinda ask you the big Y and will note the big so what question you know why this book and tell us give us the nuts and bolts of that say I got about this book, Dr. Shannon Warden had an idea and shared it with me please.

My co-author here with us today, and as he stared the idea I like the ideas you know Stu my whole life has been poured into marriage and family area and I just felt like this was a really practical approach to do-it-yourself guide, you know, as opposed to the counselor or professional doing it you notice like you build your own house and you can you can get a contractor to do-it-yourself so we use in the home improvement model know improving your house, but were told that improving your home while in in in is only a duck toward what's so important about that with families, what, why, why, why is this may seem so basic to me. I guess maybe 100 years ago there would've been as great a need for this book but but what what was the burning passion in your heart that led to this whole thing now Dr. Chapman and Matt Hart surveys for family and marriages and save what can we give what you mean to you to help encourage families. They are startlingly bad as counsel and have counsel with hundreds upon hundreds of marriages and families hand save you when you hear all the stories you look around you listen to the to the world around you in any just as heartbreaking. Families want to do better but they're so busy and often times feeling like they are not even sure where to start and say we we met again our heart being for family we got behind his back and just hope it's a real encouragement to families, delicacies, chapter while building kindness, increasing gratitude, cultivating love, seeking compromise, choosing forgiveness, improving communication, enhancing trust, developing compassion, increasing patients, I can imagine not be needed among families getting organized, creating fun and building connection so there's a whole lot here now. I would think Dr. Chapman your track record. We would think there were five tools that I've held nothing that is that this is total to those who improving your home life but kind of what went into it.

All these tools know what's at the heart of each of these would you say hello or trying to do is to help.

First of all, couples analyze where they are. So with the back of the book we know we have a life inspection. The homelike inspection quiz where they can just answer some questions and identify what area of family life needs improvement unless were to start you know what wit we know none of us are perfect none of our families are perfect. So let us identify an area where we need to work and you need to read this book straight through you know you might identify one area it's in chapter 7 new starting chapter 7 but what were trying to do once you analyze where do we need to grow as a family. They were trying to get practical ideas on how to do that and these nine things that we talk about we call them tools to explore home improvement and we we try to be very very practical.

We follow the basic plan that you feel you first have to draw up your plan. So what we'll do. You know what, what's the next step and in this case the first that my be to pick up this book. Note decide which chapter you going to focus on is okay as a family but sit on here and let's talk about where what we like to see improved and you get a plan and then you begin moving down the down that pathway was Shannon Warden. Let me ask you so many people shop it out. So I got my kid in a Christian school, I got my kid going to this camp. I've got a coach, a tutor at the piano teacher. So on so forth. I'm not not denigrating any of those things and we need more coaches. When your mentors, but there's something in here you guys say that hate you, you can hire a contractor to take care of that remodeling job in your home, but there's something about this realization that that a man of God, a woman of God in a home and maybe it's a single mom or single dad. But they realize. Wait a second, if it's gonna be God is called me.

So how how can you speak to the God-given authority of parents to maybe stop thinking about the subcontractor mentality and take bringing this back to home and maybe actually crack in the word and reading it their child and it's very difficult and be careful to not too much is to change lives. But what would you say about not shipping them off but but do it right. There is of how just how would you address that directly with her parents. Listening well cements of our time is spent together at home hand.

While there are those that are great resources for families and as you said Steve. There is a tremendous resource instruments helps US and raising our children, making sure they are on the right path for life but you know it's the idea we got a dinner roll up our sleeves hand put in the sweat equity has Dr. Chapman and I write a baguette penis sweat equity our sales we began drop that plan that downtowns time out we got to the end DIY rights that that's a major concept of the big I have got to do it myself before I can expect my kids to do it over my spouse. In that case, if I'm upset with my spouse if if I'm being kinder he might be kinder they might be kinder if I'm showing more gratitude they might share more gratitude. So it's that it definitely is fun, take off on the home improvement metaphor with just that big concept there as we got to do it ourselves. First, leaving their family will follow behind us okays the DIY, which stands for dentist ever driving over to Stanford do-it-yourself guide to building a family that last 12 tools for improving your home life, Gary Chapman, Shannon Warden, they're both in the studio.

I can't believe that you're both here at the world headquarters of Truth Network driving our ratings up like crazy crossing offer. This is a podcast and some other places like Jesus daily and some other of our podcast platform supposed and down those who share this with her family. Families are struggling both of you counsel people all the time, the big D divorce kids are struggling yet I don't love you anymore like I used to love you. I'm just a easy way out. You could probably pay a preacher enough or counsel enough to see old will be happy and you know check out on that lady that you gave your covenant to you before God's people to so and so forth. Dr. Chapman, can you talk about how this book and buy with the book. The book is available now.

It's all right. He did okay Amazon all places books are sold, and this is just as is a wonderful tool and it's it's whole like all of your books you note this is to encourage people to help you will get closer to Christ and change the world for Jesus but you going to family fix the family to fix everything, but Doc, you fix something because it's broken. Talk about how the families broken the greatest pain that you do comes to you that that that would precipitate the writing this book. Will that be how you speak and that well I think the perhaps the deepest pain in any family is the sense that the other person really doesn't care. They really aren't affirming me they don't care about the children.

Are they do. We have huge differences about how to raise the children and so we get into arguments and arguments always go downhill, spook you know I think my ideas right, she thinks her ideas right and so we tell each other where were wrong and that we go downhill. We don't solve anything. Unresolved conflicts eventually pull us apart and this is where people get the idea were not compatible. We should not of gotten married we use is never gonna work out in NRL and I look back on all marriage nearly dies.

I know those feelings. I know those thoughts I can run through your mind when you're just you're so different and you know how to solve the conflicts and so you do argue you and you say things that are hurtful the other person and and that's where these tools will help. For example, that the tool of kindness.

You know, when we yell and scream at each other. That's the kind know you as a kid we learn the verse be kind to one another that my observation is, however, with children will be kind to you if you kinder them, but you push them or used take their art away, and there they forget about being kind and as adults were very similar to the well I'll be kind to you. You kind a million that you say something harsh to me. I will say something harshly you so much gonna break the cycle and so the tool of kindness. Kindness as it is expressed in both words and actions, you know.

Proverbs 15 verse one says a soft answer turns away wrath. We don't have to scream. We can learn to speak softly, no matter what the other person says Emily speak softly eventually the other person begins to come down off the high procurement breakdown that soft answer all of our radio friends listings was on radio or on our truth. After rev your listing one of one of her maybe wonderful. We have 70 affiliate security truth talk we can announce all over the country to look as radio network. The truth folks down in Jacksonville, Florida over the place.

Stay tuned will take a quick break to come back and were talk more these guys when that kid looks at you with with blistering heat and says I hate your guts, mom or dad. How do you die fuses that if your parent how do you build trust how much you trust your kids door shut screens on 12 o'clock at night.

How you handle some of these dicey situations and what is Jesus Christ and his cross and his resurrection have to do with any of that will probe deeper podcasting folks. You stay tuned to will come right back after this with Dr. Gary Chapman Shannon Warden hang on how's your family doing what you do when a teenager blocks up throw something out. Yeah. Takes off out the house burns out a drive when you think I'm ever to see that kid again or your thinking maybe you hope they don't come back. I'm mad to write about my claim for her honesty. It's tough to I'm trying to determine if this interview I'm Stu Epperson this is true talk we can. This is the Jesus daily podcast. This is the Truth Network podcast were just so glad you listen to us wherever you are. It were so brave of offer partners over affiliates.

The goal of this message. This audio broadcast on the radio on pockets on the web on the mobile is to push people closer to Jesus Christ.

He's the only one that can save you change you. He's going to do the impossible and those impossible situations. How can. How can someone change the heart of stone into a heart of flesh, when no one can. It's impossible.

Jesus is with man this is impossible with God all things are possible. In Luke 18 so this is were getting in the realm of the supernatural. Here and help us do that is Gary Chapman Shannon Ward 2 amazing counselors.

I can't try to figure out if this is a therapy session for me or this is an interview guys. I don't want no price tag on that. But I'm gleaning. I got it right. More notes from this all right amazing, but this book is just so cool it it out of xeroxing you guys a lot of places congratulations by the way on this book launch so encouraging something is real practical. Thank you for for the contribution how lamp thank you stay were just glad it's sad you're honestly talking to me in here and Dr. Gary Chapman. He has ministered to FedEx for a lot of years and is a great friend to me. Great mentor to me. What is Stan glad to provide us if we really full resource to families.doc you've you got a co-author here of you. You said you know you could've written any number of books on your own. But lately you you've come and joined up in collaborated with some gifted people to even brought in that impact and even impact you know where your younger offer to. So thank you for for that were theological mentoring happening in and as we read your awesome books ill.

I really enjoy working with someone else on books because you get to mind, not just one mine.

I want to go back guys through an address that whole issue you talked about a teenager who is angry and walks out of the room because I been there a member the night my son and I got into an argument. He was probably 14. I was yelling and screaming at him. He was yelling and screaming at me in the middle of the argument. He walked out the door, walk out the house and slid in and slammed the door and when the door was slammed. I woke up and I said oh God, what have I done, I thought I was further along than this and cannot new gotten my my response to him was not that not Christian insiders are set on the couch.

My wife came in and tried to console me.

She said Gary that was his fault. I heard the whole thing is gonna learn how to respect you and all the stuff but it's hard to console center. She finally left that I got on my knees and asked that God forgive me, forgive me for yelling at my son.

And if we ask our safety have a teenage son that feels edgy, ask yourself where they learn to do that while chances are, you learn from you something something better. Coffin taught right just so. Eventually he walked back in, Vanessa, Derek, could you come in here son did enough that I will apologize to you.

I just poured my heart out to them and tell them how sorry I was at the things I said I didn't mean I was my lost control and I said I want to ask you to forgive me and he said and that wasn't your fault. I started and when I was walking up the road. I asked God to forgive me and I want to ask you to forgive me, man. We hugged him we cry, and then I said Dirk what we try to learn together how to handle anger at us and next time you're angry to say, Dan. I'm angry and upset and we can listen to each other. It was a big turning point in our relationship we have the book in front of us here, the DIY guide do-it-yourself guide to building a family that last 12 tools for improving your home life Gary Chapman. He just heard Sheridan thanks for sharing that story. Doc and Shannon Warden both trained counselors both have spent a lot of years helping families grow closer to Christ and they've written this book is a great gift to the body to so many people what whether you're a believer or not this is going to help your family but some of you touched on their that I see is a threat through here that is this this idea of trust with our trusted flows out of love. There's something about the love of the father and there's something about that that that that happens I you wrote about five love languages, which is been such a blessing. And what if, what a fun thing to do to sit around how edifying to talk about that you know inch in figure that out, and how to how to meet each other's needs. Again, how can I motivate someone closer to the Lord and encourage them to be all they can be for Christ, Shannon, you talk about what you because you know you understand parenting and you understand kids you're not.

You're a parent of a lot of kids in in in Ohio education and counseling. Those volatile moments, those it does love really cure all things is love. You know, talk to go deeper in love not. Maybe the glib love that you touch on in the book you know also that is just this infatuation, which I understand is more is acting more addicting than crack cocaine couples on social media Hall high soak home. You know, three months with my heart and I just want to put on their you have no idea. You know you know in three months and I you hate each other's guts, and in the beginning of the mire each other all over the high school you know but but talk about genuine love and how that piggybacking with Dr. Chapman shared that his father, he is not left us here alone.

First, he selfishly given us that the Holy Spirit is given us his word and said he is actively working in our lives. It's not okay good lack have dropped you off here on earth and Musick and I hope that you have children help you do a good job that he is actively involved and I will I would say if we allow him God. Obviously you know he can to push through and thank you. Thankfully he does push through a lot of our defenses, but the kids and be they the ones that were teaching are certainly here in our home life. They are God himself, bringing us back to him. I can't raise my kids. Dr. Tammy could not raise his kids. Had it not been for and were it not for God and silent that you shared that story.a 10 minute validity after Carolyn came in. He got on your knees and I really deeply see that in any know by sinuous fathers that God is calling us to that in every day every interaction as certainly our work interactions but in his home life interaction.

So what is going on with that child parent take a step back before you rush in sale of things that you're gonna regret five minutes five days later you know whatever the case before resting and pullback, Lord, what are you saying to me right now.

How is it that you're trying to get my attention.

That's where the planning starts. You want to make home life. That change is getting a planning room with the Lord and listen for what the plan is. He can give it to you in a while so he so the Lord has the he's the architect. He has the whole plans laid out and so really connecting, but it sounds so easy but it's just, you know, John 15, abiding in the vine, Dr. Chapman. How fundamental is it that whether it's it's a blowup that God miraculously healed and you and your son in a matter of maybe 1/2 hour an hour or minute. Maybe there's a 30 year protracted wound of a daughter who won't speak to her dad because he was brutal or a sibling battle you hear about these things, what, how does the supernatural love of God even invade that and how does that what what part does the cross have and that they are the God still but you know Stu and I are in a relationship with God or God's given his principles to live by.

In the event they flow out of his love. If he says don't do this, it's because he loves you. He says do this is because he loves you and so will we break those things. The heart of God is broken and he calls us to confession to repentance. And I think the same thing. We want our children to learn how to confess when they're wrong, but where legal learn that, if not from us and that's why think we have to learn to apologize no parents are perfect you know. But if you'd you do things that are harsh and mean and and to your kids and then you don't ever correct that the kid learns up but do the same thing when they get to be parents.

But if when you fail you say to them, you know that apologize to you that was not right and you know God I've asked God to forgive me and I'm asking you to forgive me that this is the kids learn from our model more than they learn from our words so that there still you take any of these tools we talk about here. It's not that when we say do-it-yourself were not told by doing your own power which held that parents start yours yourself and then let them filter down into the children and with the help of God, you mentioned John 15 five when Jesus set on the you the branches. If you hang on to me.

You bear fruit, while without me you can do nothing. Jesus said, and so his parents when he directed us. We cannot be of the kind of parent we want to be without the help of God and sometimes there's some deep real deep challenges and root issues. Let's say foundational issues in in that the home before I can rebuild my house. I gotta get some of that deep embedded mold out or or so the faulty construction and go deep in their to fix it and to get anchored properly.

Now that that's true the family to a meeting. That's where you said the mom and dad find community. There's this really cool faith community that you guys talk about the book Turner was called.

It's a start of the season ends with an H is like and dislike Craig people get together all the time and love each other and pull each other at a rough stuff and pray together.

See, for each other and even take up offerings for each other. What is slither my mind.what is this thing to talk about that sir. You guys are here as I almost lost it heavy. This was good. My listeners would have just a they would if they were to kill me, but so what about that we words and it closes out with this writer time closes out with the power of a gospel centered, Christ centered word based community that we note the church to me that we like if if the church can't get into this and in the. The skin of the area.

The training at the hospital. The good of the basic training for building families.

At last they were last week. I hope we talk about the importance of connecting to everyone out there that look I don't want to short-circuit and get all your answers so people don't go get this book. So there's a whole lot in are we having in touch with scrape the very service but go go deep below the surface the iceberg on this community thing real quick is wrap up Shan were in place. Well, we might build a house and think it's Dan but then there's maintenance and translated same with our relationships. We are building until the last day and said the idea that we are yes building a family that last us that the title but the big idea is that you are building until the very last day.

Some families says you have said maybe have these deep tears and foundation while back to God being architect.

I love seeing him in that way, and certainly even as the contractor.

He is our go to and there is no greater architect or builder that her father that he alone can help us repair this deep foundational problems and listen family even about in this world we get really haven't distracted, blindsided, and we start to settle for less settle for some shabby family life and at the same time, don't think that television is the trace of all, if we were only like that you don't know the end. Those are those problem problems in sales but come back to your home. Open your eyes. God has made it such that we can have life abundantly, and that is the truth in our family relationships and I would even say first and foremost our family relationships, life abandon this book is hopefully at helpful tool that helps you look at that foundation gets you excited gives you some real practical ideas on how to start making these changes. Living a family life in the same way that God our father, the master elder has shown us to live himself. Now he says you will do it yourself and see if you don't come out on the better for it. And then that's what we believe leaving here can enter your final reporting software listeners out there fully agree with that and I think of the Christian church is a place where we can often get help. That's why books like this are often used in churches and small group studies or relisten with talk about it and then we go home and try would come back and share with each other. The church is a family itself and we have to work through our own growth pains in the in the family of God and thus the beauty of this thing called discipleship. The other word that we need to use more because go find a couple that struggled that's what I love about you and Carolyn are family known you for all these years we hear you Cheryl. I take God to pull us through the right hand. I wanted to say. Speaking of Gary and Kayla.

They were so gracious to come out the house and let Stephen and I interviewed him recently and said folks can find that 30 minute interview on online thoughts on our website sent at if if you want to just have you up maybe get yourself that we had to great my dreidel feel like you're sitting there with the Chapmans had a talk with the chaplains on what their keys to success have been in there long successful marriage phantasm is a whole lot in this book on their life and you're the warden family as well. The book is the DIY guide.

That's the do-it-yourself guide to building a family that last 12 tools for improving your home life. Thank you Gary Chapman vacation award and for blessing us today. Please share this everywhere you go. Every encouragement and go home to your family. Next time you see and wrap your arms around say I love you apologize read apologist keep short accounts and make it work by God's grace because you can't do it stop writers. I can't do it, but God can do it because his resurrection power is in the believer. If you don't know Christ receive and bring in your home.

The power of God. The presence of God and the salvation and get plugged into a balance. By weaving church. Think I'll get this book you guys decide with the DIY guide to building a family last. It's everywhere. Books are sold and it's all over the on the you will have a hard time finding it.

But we thank you for being with us.

Thank you state is going to be with you

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