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Well, hello there. It's Valentine's Day Eve, and thank you for joining us today. For this Truth Talk Live show, I'm Dwayne Carson. I have a ministry called Date the Word, and on 2:13, this Valentine's Day Eve. We have put before people 1 Thessalonians 2:13, and I want to put it before you right now.
For this reason, we also thank God without ceasing because when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you welcomed it not as the word of men, but as In the truth, the word of God, which also effectively works in you who believe. And with that verse, we're challenged: how do we receive God's word? Do we welcome it so that it can then go to work in our lives? And you can find out more information about date the word at date the word.com. And as soon as you click on that website, you will see the verse that I just gave you.
It has a devotional that goes with it. And today, as on Valentine's Eve, we want to. Put some scriptures before you as we go through this show today that I hope you'll welcome into your heart. And uh, But I want to start off with a question. What are your Valentine Day traditions?
What are your Valentine Day traditions? Now, I have someone in the studio with me today here in Winston-Salem that is, I will say, number one in my life after Jesus Christ. I have with me my wonderful wife, 37 plus years. We've known each other for almost 40 years now. I have Danita Carson with me.
Welcome to our show. Why, thank you, dear. Good afternoon. Listen, she started off with a very nice word. She said called me dear.
Today we want to as we talk about Valentine traditions, I want to hear your traditions. 866-348-7884 men. I hope you circled February the 14th. And you know, listen, you still, it's like Christmas, you still got time. You need to go get some chocolates and you need to get a card and uh You need to be doing something special for that person that is so special to you.
Honey, would you agree with that? I would. And I can tell you, having walked into the grocery store today, they had a rack of cards. mainly for husbands to give their wives front and center, you would have to trip over it. But that means they've got to go to a grocery store.
But at least they put them at the front of the grocery store.
So that, see, right now, one of the things Truth Talk Live does for our listeners is we make sure you know there's something important coming up tomorrow, not today, tomorrow is Valentine's Day.
So you have time, but we would love to hear from you. What are some things you do? Oh, I'm going to use the R word. to keep romance In your marriage. I heard earlier today on a talk show: it appears that romance is dying in America.
Well, maybe we need to rekindle it, because I'll tell you, there's a book in the Bible, Song of Solomon, that is filled with romance. And so we want to get your call, 866-348-7884. And as we do this show with my wife here, I'm going to. Pitch some questions to her, and she'll pitch some questions to me as we talk about love and marriage and how. to keep a marriage uh Exciting.
And I I think right off the bat I've always looked at important dates as one of those ways to kind of. Stroke the fire. And Valentine's is one of those. Take advantage of it to be able to share love notes, to do something special. I want to start by throwing out this question to my wife.
What is a small gesture your spouse does that makes you smile? Hmm.
Well Most of you don't know us personally.
So you wouldn't know this about Dwayne. But he's not very physically demonstrative. He does not. hold my hand a lot. Um You know, hug me a lot, things like that.
He just didn't grow up with an affectionate family. Exactly.
So affection's not his thing.
So when he walks up. to me whether I'm at my desk or in the kitchen and he just leans down and kisses me on the head. Um I just always kinda like, Oh, okay, he he does still love me.
So, okay. All right.
So, you know, I never thought about how important that was, but. Um That, yeah, I like to make sure you know and and I'm not I'm not Yeah, overly affectionate, I would say that. Um but I do know that you appreciate affection. And um I think one of the books that has helped me in our marriage is The Five Love Languages. But uh you almost scored even on all five of them.
You want me to love you in all the different ways. Dr. Chapman, call in and help me. But doing giving gifts, those those touches, I I I feel that small gesture is like as a pastor. Many times I've got to be ready to preach, and my job is in the pulpit.
But before I'm going up, you take my hand and hold my hand and That's just a special moment there. All right.
Now, we're talking about ourselves, but callers, we need you. This is a talk show, live talk show. And I want to hear about your romantic Uh Actions, we're going to call that. What are your Valentine Day traditions? 866-348-7884.
Um. Uh oo oh Maybe you g have a favorite movie. that you want to watch Uh if Dwayne watches you've got mail one more time, I think he could recite the dialogue. Oh, I I so love You've got mail. Last night we were at a very special event for couples.
Energize Ministry put it on, and we're so thankful for Andy Bower Sox and his team. And we were invited to come, and they did that. Love questionnaire. And one of those was asking what. Um Catherine Kelly said to Joe Fox, and I knew the answer because she said, I just so hoped, I hoped it was you so badly.
And I love that movie. It's just got a lot of romance in it. Um. An anyway, um and maybe you have a favorite love song. Uh As I was putting this show together, one of the thoughts was to ask f if we were a radio show that did love songs.
What love song would you call in and ask us to dedicate To your spouse. And so Nick is waiting for your call to give a love song. But more importantly, Getting down to a real truth talk live.
So, what Bible verses should we be looking at? to use to complement our sp spouse. Hold on to that thought. We're going to go to a break. But do you have a favorite Bible verse?
That you use to compliment your spouse. You're listening to the Truth Network and TruthNetwork.com. Welcome back to Truth Talk Live. It's Valentine's Day Eve. It's time to make some decisions.
What are we going to do to make Tomorrow is special day for our spouse. What are your Valentine Day traditions? What are some things you have done? that's made for your spouse. Uh that day, this day, coming up, Valentine's Day, a very special Day.
I've got in the studio with me today my wonderful wife, Danita Carson. We met at Liberty University way back in 1986 and um I think it was love at first sight. I think the first time she saw me, she was just flat out in love with me. Um That would not be true, though, now, would it? No, that is not true.
We did not fall in love the first time we saw each other, but we did grow. in like and then that like moved to love And um We've had the privilege to share life together through good times, bad times. And I've been blessed. My wife has uh I call it the spiritual gift of hospitality. And we've had thousands, thousands, that's not exaggerating, thousands of students.
Uh people come over to our house. And uh She's a phenomenal cook. And we just have a great time fellowshipping around a meal. And God put us together. When you say that, dear, God put us together.
Most definitely. Um We did have to learn, though. how a marriage works. I've done premarital counseling all my years of ministry, and part of doing premarital counseling was I needed it myself. I didn't know how to be a husband.
And so I came to God's word and I learned very quickly. In my own life, uh that compliments work better on me than criticism. And I found out that That's because as a man I have an ego. And for uh for a man, uh compliments work better. Um It's just something about stroking the significance of a man.
compliments. But then I also learned that Compliments work better than criticism on a wife because a wife is more geared emotionally and she needs that feeling of security. And when she's being criticized over even the smallest of things, it can do great damage to her self-image. And so, as I'm studying scripture, Uh and that's where I go to. I go to scripture, truth talk live, we look at the scriptures.
I filmed in Song of Solomon. that the husband is incredibly complimentary of his wife. Um Over and over, he is going to say things like You are beautiful. He he will talk about her Eyes, he'll talk about her cheek, he'll talk about her lips, he'll talk about her neck. He'll talk about her feet.
And that blows my wife's mind that I would even think about giving a compliment. But Song of Solomon 7:1 says, How beautiful are your feet in sandals? Because for some reason, I just don't think my wife has beautiful feet. But that's not a criticism, that's just an evaluation. But the point that I want to make to our listeners is.
Song of Solomon is loaded with Bible verses. For you to give a compliment to your wife. And so, guys, I'm going to go ahead, I'm going to let you know a secret right now. Uh Tomorrow it's two fourteen. and Song of Solomon two fourteen is one of the best verses you could sign to a card for your wife.
It says, Oh my dove Wow. That speaks of something that is so special, gentle. Oh, oh, my dove. He's calling her a sweet name. And then he says, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face.
He wants to look at her. and then let me hear your voice. He wants to listen to her. for your voice is sweet and your face is lovely.
Now, guys, there's a home run right there. And you're probably thinking right now, I hope my wife's not listening to this show. And tomorrow, you can sign that Valentine's card with Song of Solomon 214. There's another one, guys, that I think it may be more than Song of Solomon 214. Um Song of Solomon Yeah.
Uh Seven Are you ready for this? You are altogether beautiful, my love. there is no flaw in you. Wow. Wow.
Except for my feet. Except for your feet. Keep socks on. Even in sandals, I have one, but socks, they're okay. Yes.
I've I have not only verses that I have pulled and put together for a husband to give compliments to his wife. You can find that on the Date the Word Facebook page. I've got verses for a wife. To give to her husband. And I'm such a good husband.
and a pastor, a teacher, a leader. I gave them to my wife so she would have them to share with me. Um so honeys what are some of those verses that that you've looked at from Song of Solomon that you think would be good for a wife to sign the card tomorrow that she's giving to her husband?
well, my most favorite verse, and I had it inscribed in Hebrew on a ring that I wear. is Um Song of Solomon six: three I am my beloved, and my beloved is mine. He gave he grazes among the lilies.
Song of Solomon six three, ladies. Wow. Talk about loyalty, commitment, dedication. I am my beloved.
Now, I need to come back. We're talking. And I hope you're enjoying our conversation, but we want to hear from you. 866-348-7884-8484. Call and tell us maybe a Bible verse that you use for the card that you're going to sign.
Let's encourage one another, help one another, but also what are some Valentine Day stories? Um, as I was putting the show together, one of the questions was, have you ever been dumped on Valentine's? And I don't know if you want to share that story or not. What a bad day to dump someone. You know, tomorrow is a day that quite a few people will get engaged.
But I also had to tell singles at Liberty, a lot of times guys are so afraid of having to deal with Valentine's, they don't go out. they don't ask a girl out between Christmas and and Valentine's.
So February the 15th becomes National Ask a Girl Out Day. And uh and and it was kind of funny how that worked out at Liberty. Guys would start thinking about asking girls out going into the springtime. Um Again, I want to hear from you, 866-348-7884. We've got other verses, but to my wife, I just want to ask, as you've dealt with me, this idea of compliments, Uh Uh to complement or to criticize.
That is the question. Um We're gonna go to a break, and I'm gonna let Danita come back and talk about How she's had to work through making those decisions to choose. to compliment and not criticize. As we head to Valentine's Day, it's Valentine's Eve. This is Truth Talk Live.
Don't go away. A couple announcements, and we'll be right back. Truth talk life You're listening to the Truth Network and TruthNetwork.com. Ah Welcome back to Truth Talk Live. It's Valentine's Day Eve.
And uh we're wondering What are some of your Valentine Day traditions? What do you do to keep romance in your marriage? Call us here at 866-348-7884. I've got with me today my lovely, wonderful, awesome wife, Miss Danita. And as we were headed to a break, Uh we're thinking about a component of To compliment?
Or to criticise? That is the question. And so I put that question to you as we've been married 37 plus years. And uh I know one thing about me, I'm not perfect. I'm not.
I know that's hard for a few people to believe. But not my wife. She knows I'm not. No, you're not.
So how have you worked with that idea of to complement or to criticize.
Well it really started out very early in our relationship. When Your sisters. Duane has three sisters. All younger. tried to get me to pick on him like they did.
And I said to them, You know If I said that about him, That means I'm speaking pretty poorly of myself that I don't have very good taste and good decision-making processes.
So, I've always kind of you know, I I chose to say yes when he asked me to marry him.
So that was a big decision that I made. Uh so I have to uh own that. And part of that is Okay. Use that as your basis going forward. How do you say something?
How do you communicate truth? I also found when you criticize Especially harshly. Um There's an immediate defense that goes up. when you say something constructively You have a whole lot better opportunity. to calm the atmosphere.
And just make it a whole lot easier to get your point across. without having to have a big Fight Or just, you know. Lose it. with each other. over something generally that's trivial.
Um I've also found Uh we Faced very early in our marriage. Dwayne's mother died, mother died on Mother's Day. before we were married a year. Oh, it was a b just a very traumatic experience. She was only fifty six years old.
And when you face things like that, uh uh the little things like He didn't put his socks in the laundry. Uh kind of become not as important to you. Anymore.
Now it would still bother you probably, but how you deal with it. is a whole different story. No. Um I want to say this very respectfully. Um I I was surprised in a very positive way The wisdom that came out of my wife's mouth.
when my three sisters one afternoon they started as sisters do. all my flaws and come on, Donita, pile on You know him now more than we do. And she did. She said, if I speak badly of my husband, I speak badly of myself. And I made the decision.
I I discerned that he's got good qualities, not perfect. And so that was one of those defining moments for me in our marriage. I was like, wow. I've seen those talk shows. I've seen those TV shows and movies where the wife is always.
Hammering her husband criticizing and uh I didn't get that. My wife has always been very complimentary. That doesn't mean she's been accepting of faults and flaws. We've pointed those out. We've had to, you know, again, as any marriage, you learn how to fight fair.
You learn how to communicate. Because he cannot read your mind, ladies. And you cannot read his. Yeah. And Gary Smalley did a book on marriage that lasts.
And I found in that just a golden, golden, golden nugget called Drive Through Communication. And that's helped our marriage a lot. It even helped it a little while ago as we were working on a project together. And I had to keep saying, I am not understanding what you're saying to me. I am not understanding what you're saying to me.
And Finn deals with technology. Dwayne is not understanding. And so with drive-through communication, you give your order and then that person will repeat it to you. And uh so many times uh we don't hear uh things correctly.
So if we repeat it and talk through and uh I had a conversation with a a couple yesterday uh forty eight years of marriage. And uh they were just telling me about how they got asked many times now, forty eight years. Uh so what's the secret? You guys seem to have a marriage that's different from others. And and this lady said, Well, number one, The secret is we have no secrets.
And I thought that was pretty profound right there. I even told her, I'm going to write that down. We have no secrets. We communicate. We keep each other in the know.
And then she followed that up with a statement. We just are great at communicating. We talk. We get around the kitchen table. And we talk and I I have a uh Aunt and uncle have been married almost 70 years now.
And when I first started, when Denita and I first got married, we Had a conversation with them, and I found out that one of the secrets of their marriage of communication. was scheduling and they would every Sunday night after church go to the Dairy Queen and there get the kids ice cream and then they would sit there with their meal and talk through all the different things they had going on in the coming weeks so that while there's the work they had to do, And their kids had school, and they had ball games, and plays, and activities. They knew where they were going, and I have found that to be a big help for me. That if we talk through usually on Saturday, hey, here's what's coming up next. Here's what we've got to be ready for.
Hey, we're doing a lot of talking, and I need some calls: 866-348-7884. Valentine's Day, what are you looking to do? But also, What are some of those quote secrets that you have employed? That makes your marriage work. And I'm going to pitch this back to my wife and let her give some more advice to me.
I think early in our marriage one of the f kind of funniest things we've ever dealt with was who does what. you know, as you're growing up, you kind of defer to, you know, who what e your mom or your dad does. uh around the house and that's just kind of you feel like that's the th That's the role. Um you know, my dad My mom always was the cook. She always made all the meals.
but my dad always carved the meat. It was just.
something he always did. And it was just kind of humorous as when Dwight and I got married because in his family, His mother always did it.
So I think our first Thanksgiving, I you know, put the turkey out b got the turkey out and We just kind of looked at each other and it's just like. But it's it's a communication thing of you know, who does what. And I think when you have An understanding of that in your marriage, it just makes things it's not that you can't pick up and do that thing. But If you know that Okay, this is something He does. This is something I do.
It just makes life a whole lot easier. You know, you know. What's expected of yourself, and you know what's expected. from your spouse. When I do uh premier recounseling, one of the things we'll talk about is not just the positives that you have to do, but the things to be watching out for.
What are the let's call them killers of a marriage?
Well, one of them is unrealistic expectations. And uh I've legally was a guy named Andy. told me one day um Frustration. is unmet expectation And um When someone has an expectation and it's not being met, Whether it's a realistic or unrealistic expectation, when it's not being met, that's what brings that tension into the marriage. I was expecting you to do this.
And um And then all of a sudden, that frustration, that anger begins to build. I thought you were going to. And that leads to, again, could be a killer of a marriage. And making sure That each person does. Who's going to take care of this?
And you also have to compromise. Dwayne has always been a very early riser. I am not.
So we always have had this. back and forth. Uh it's, you know. Why, he wants his breakfast. And it's like, wow.
You can have your breakfast. If you fix it yourself. If you fix it yourself, or if you wait until 8 o'clock.
Now, there were some times I would, when I was not working and he was, and he had an early morning, that he had to be out the door at a specific time, I would get up. and making breakfast before that. Um but You know, even There was I someone had asked me about, you know, what about hassled chores? How, you know, how many things does Dwayne do versus what you do at home? And I'm like, I you can't.
It's not a balance sheet of It has to be evenly locate. Dwayne worked. 10, 12 hour days. 15. Yeah.
So Was I really going to say, oh, you need to do the laundry tonight, dear? No. No. Is this how do you help yourself? It's Valentine's Day Eve.
This is Truth Talk Live, and we still have time for your calls. You may have a question for my wife. And I'd love for you to call in and ask her something that's difficult. That'd be fun. Give us a call, 866-348-7884.
You're listening to the Truth Network and TruthNetwork.com. Welcome back to Truth Talk Live. I'm Dwayne Carson and today in the studio with me is my wife Danita and we're getting ready for Valentine's Day and hopefully helping you get ready for Valentine's Day because it's Valentine's Day Eve and we want you to have a wonderful day tomorrow. You know, and it's not just for couples. It's an opportunity as a parent to share your love with your children, children to share love with their parents.
I go and get Valentine cards, and I wanted to get one from my grandson, and he's a big fan of the Hershey Bears, so I found a card with a bear on it that spoke about giving him a huge bear hug. Anyway, it's just ways of we have an opportunity to share, express love on Valentine's Day. Yes, and he'll go buy the cards. But then I have to remind him: if you want them to arrive by Valentine's Day, we probably should get them in the mail.
Well, that's why you're such a great administrator, which is one of your spiritual gifts. And you come alongside as a helpmate, and we got them mailed out. I believe on time. But today, one of the big things to be thinking about is how much scripture. really does encourage us In our relationships with one another, especially from the standpoint of a husband to a wife.
I want to just give you a challenge. This weekend, read Song of Solomon. It's got eight chapters. The gentleman that's usually here with me for most Truth Talk Live shows, Robbie Dilmore, he memorized Song of Solomon. And yesterday, when we had some questions about Song of Solomon, he was right on.
He knew what verse said what different things. And I encourage you to read Song of Solomon. Take a look at how many times, again, the husband is going to compliment his wife. He's going to point out things in interesting ways. I mean, it's not just, honey, you're beautiful.
No, he's going to say, I've compared you to the Phillies of Pharaoh.
Now that speaking of a horse, That, not the Philadelphia Phillies, but a horse that Pharaoh would have, which you have to imagine has to be the best of the best of the best. And that's what he's trying to say to his wife. My wife says, Don't compare me to no horse.
Well, honey, you are better than Secretariat, the best horse of all time. You're better than that horse was. He will talk about how her hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead. I mean, I. When we were in Israel, I pointed that out to my wife.
I said, look at those hills, those mountains of Gilead. Look at those goats coming down. That's what Solomon was saying. He was trying to find ways to complement her ways that she would realize he has really thought about this.
So again, I don't know if you have a verse that you love to share with your spouse. Husbands, give us a call. Wife, wives, give us a call. 866-348-7884. And even outside of the Song of Solomon we had a verse that was An important part of our wedding in Ecclesiastes.
Two are better than one. Yep. But a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Uh yeah, the marriage that's going to work Uh cannot have Outsiders Uh Intruding. The man is to leave and cleave.
His wife is to leave and cleave. But there is one person that you want involved in your marriage. And I heard someone do this at a wedding. I've incorporated it into my own weddings that I conduct. Uh There was a wedding in Cana and they invited Jesus to the wedding.
Invite Jesus to be part of your, not just wedding, but your marriage. Um That threefold chord. And then when you when you start Treating each other the way Jesus treats. Us. One of the biggest things that's going to happen is you'll forgive.
And every man is in need of forgiveness. Because every man makes a mistake. I've told this. I think before that you come home and you just say, honey, I'm sorry. And she'll just look at you and go, well, you should be.
You didn't have to say what you did wrong. You just know you did something wrong. Um Y y just we make mistakes. Um we do dumb things. Apologize, say you're sorry, and ask for forgiveness.
And know this, know this, forgiveness is the glue that holds all relationships together. And uh Um while we can look at a marriage that has many, many highlights on it, there have been some challenging moments, and they are now marked with forgiveness. And uh I've had to extend forgiveness to my wife, she's had to extend forgiveness to me. And then we move forward. And that would be another principle for a great marriage is it's like driving.
You got to look at the rearview mirror every now and then, but for the m Mm. You want to be successful at driving, you better keep looking through the front windshield and know where you're headed and don't spend a whole lot of time on where you've been. That's been a helpful tip for me because you can become. historical about your marriage. How's that statement go?
Some people become hysterical, some people become historical. Um What are some other verses that a wife might use For their husband to compliment him. What are some of those Song of Solomon verses, dear, that you have looked to? Oh Well, in in chapter five, in verse fourteen, his arms are rods of gold set with jewels. His body is polished ivory, bedecked with sapphire.
Easy now. Easy. Yeah. I think you're paying me a real nice compliment right there. Um should I just go with one sixteen, which is how handsome you are, my beloved, and so pleasant.
See, that works right there.
Song of Solomon 116. Um Uh How about 510. Oh, my beloved is radiant and ruddy. Distinguished among ten thousand. You know, the virtuous woman, her husband, is spoken well of in the gates.
And that goes back right here to that verse in Song of Solomon 5.10. He's distinguished among the thousands.
So lives, you might want to look at Song of Solomon 510 for your Valentine card tomorrow.
Well, I can't use um five eleven. much any more with you dear. I mean I love you but Your your hair is Not as Thick as it once was. Yeah, it's not as w wavy and black as a raven anymore, but.
Well, stop. What is she saying to me? Nick's looking in here going, what? Oh, but it's true. The hair is thinning and it's getting grayer.
But I still love you. Yes, yes. Growing closer as we get older. That's one way of looking at it. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.
And before we close this show, I want to point you to not just verses that you can use for your spouse and to think about being more intentional and complimenting.
Song of Solomon is just loaded. If you go to the date the word Facebook page, I've posted these verses. It goes 1 through 16, where you can have verses for the husband to say to his wife, wife to say to her husband. But tomorrow, 2:14, how does God spell love. How does God spell love?
Titus 2.14 is the verse that we're going to be going with for tomorrow where Paul writes about Jesus Christ who gave himself for us that he might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for himself his own special people, zealous now for good works. who gave himself and and i just want to remind all you listeners uh tomorrow valentine's day a day where we celebrate love the greatest love story ever is the love story of god sending his son who gave g a v e love is spelled g a v e he gave his only begotten son and that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life and uh i i not only look at uh Valentine's Day is a day to rekindle my love for my spouse and do something special for her, but also to rekindle my love for my Savior because as I am remembering what He did for me, and it's a great day also to share. the love of God with other people. What does Valentine's Day do for us? It gives us a chance to share with others John 3, 16, Titus 2, 14.
Again, Dwayne Carson here with Truth Talk Live Ministries Date the Word. Go to date the word.com. Danita Carson, thank you for joining us today. Oh, you're so welcome. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah.
