When Theology Comes Home

This is the Truth Network. This is the Truth Network. Welcome to Truth Talk Live. All right, let's talk the truth. I can't hide it.

Fuck it home. A daily program powered by the Truth Network. This is kind of a great thing, and I'll tell you what. Where pop culture, current events, and theology all come together. Speak your mind.

And now, here's today's Truth Talk Live host. Welcome to Truth Talk Live. This is Peter Rosenberger. Glad to be with you today, 866-34-TRUTH. If you want to be on the program today, if you've got something you want to opine about, complain about, gripe about, praise about, whatever's on your mind, 866-348-7884.

And while I'm waiting for you to call, I want to welcome a special guest we have here at the top of the hour. And I want to ask you a quick question. What happens when theology leaves the pulpit and walks into the family room?

Well, that is what my guest today is going to talk about. His name is Andrew Hopper, his pastor. By the way, Andrew, You're from North Florida, but where in North Florida? I am from Middleburg, Florida, Clay County, born and raised. All right.

My wife is from Fort Walton Beach. You know where that is? Oh, no. Yeah, we're north north from that. There's not much more north before you get into Georgia now.

Well, oh, Fort Walton, man, I I uh yeah, no, I understand. Is that that's kind of up near the on the uh is it on the it's on the it's on the panhandle side, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. I was confused. I was thinking it was further south.

No, no, no. Of course, I actually am more north than that, probably, um, but not by much.

Well, it's a great area. She was raised down there, and it's a great area. But we live in Montana now. But you started this church back in 2012, 30 people. I mean and now this thing is really mushroomed And you keep going deeper and deeper into the things that God is leading you into, which brings me to the reason why you're on the program today, particularly this new book you have.

It's called Chosen: Building Your Family the Way God Builds His. And you're living that out, not just in the pulpit, you're living it out in the family room, and that makes sense when we hear your story.

So bring us up to speed of where you guys are, and welcome to the program. Thank you so much. Yeah, well, I appreciate being on. Yes, me and my wife were both, I would say, adoption minded even before we got married. I did mission work in Montana.

I'm not sure exactly where you are, but we were on the Indian Reservations there every summer from when I was twelve to twenty two. No, Kim, we're we're over uh southwest of Bozeman. Yeah, we were well, we were kind of all over Fort Belknap. Um, the uh over there near Haver on the Rocky Boy Indian Reservation, we were kind of in a lot of different spots, but My wife also did mission work in orphanages in China. We kind of had.

Our mind around wanting to adopt. I do think when we were that age, we were thinking about it more out of the need for the child. Which is a strong motivation. But as I got older, as I got around more gospel-centered preaching and really kind of developed the theology of adoption. that I think the Bible lays out.

We found a much stronger motivation In that you and I, as believers, understand inherently what it means to be adopted because that's exactly what. the Lord has done for us spiritually. And then we have an opportunity to do that physically, which has been done to us spiritually. I think that adoption is just one of the great metaphors. You see marriage and you see adoption throughout the New Testament.

And other Bible stories as well, when you think about Mordecai and Esther, or you think about David and Mephibosheth, these are kind of adoption-type stories that are. They really show us something about the gospel and So I think that gave us a real deep motivation. And in twenty seventeen, we welcomed our fourth child into our home through adoption. We say all the time, we have three children from biology and one child from theology. And our adopted child is our chosen girl, and she does have special needs.

I know you have a wide audience with people that are caretaking. Um she has Down syndrome among other things that that have come from not having you know from her uh From her birth mother and all that. But anyway, so man, she's a light in our life. She's almost nine years old now, and it's been an incredible ride. How hard was this process?

Once you said, okay, this is what we're going to do. And then, because one of the things you're doing is you're not only working in your church, but you're helping train other churches to push deeper into this adoption ministry because that's what it is. It is an adoption ministry. And it's also the gospel being played out on a family level. But how hard was that to do?

Well, it is it is hard, and it's hard for us. It's hard to this day. That's one of the motivations for writing the book. I really do believe that small groups or Sunday school classes can go through this material together. And part of the reason that I think it's a good resource for that is it doesn't have rose colored glasses.

I mean, it does show you how hard it is. It's hard for multiple reasons. Number one reason, I think this is why many people don't step into these waters of ministry, is because of. the financial piece. You know, I think that God has really wired the generations of the church together in a way that's really special when it comes to adoption because Let's just be honest, a lot of people at some point in their life could write a $20,000 or $30,000 check.

It's just not when they're twenty five and have two other little kids at home or just getting married. And so the need of the church to come alongside of them and help fundraise that. You know, from other people, empty nesters that maybe have more money, but they don't have the time or energy to actually bring another child into their home. The financial part's hard. Um especially in our case with the with the spiritual Uh you know, the the kind of the the spiritual warfare nature of it is difficult.

I I can't imagine the enemy hates anything more than when kids are adopted by Christian parents. And so there becomes a real spiritual warfare element to it. And then you have a lot of. Governmental regulations and there's home studies and those types of things, but and you know this, Peter, I mean. what ministry is there worth doing that the enemy is not going to try to make hard?

Indeed. Do you I mean, and I assume there are lawyers that specialize in this sort of thing, that did you know anything about that before you started on this path? Or did you just start completely cold? You know, we started cold, but you don't stay cold very long. There are resources out there when you get into.

Particularly, the agencies that are out there, you know, I'm in North Carolina, Christian Adoption Services, for example. um is you know is one that Is very knowledgeable. And there's a lot, once you start getting into those circles, you start learning pretty fast. I think the other way that the church really shines is You know, adoptive families are very eager to help other potentially adoptive families. And so I think that the learning curve is steep.

but it can be overcome pretty fast whenever we you know, share what we know and and the church really comes together around it. Mm. Do you um uh as you went through this process How how big was your search area? And we may be bumping up against the break here and go to the next segment here. But how big was your search area?

You're in North Carolina. Did you go just stay in that general area or did you expand? We went through a small Christian adoption agency. In Raleigh, North Carolina, and that agency. primarily serves women that are sort of in that area.

And so we that actually ended up being where our daughter was adopted from. I mean, we're in North Carolina, we're not in Raleigh, but that's where she was from. This is really fascinating, and I think that so many people have. Thought about this, but they haven't really quite known where to start. And in your book, the book is called, by the way, Chosen.

And what he's gone after is the model of what God does with this chosen, building your family the way God builds his. And you start, I mean, you just start right at the beginning. You don't expect people to jump into the deep end of the pool. You walk them into the kiddie pool, and then some, is that correct? Yeah, the book is really less about the tactics of how to go through an adoption process.

The book is really more. Geared toward targeting the heart level motivation. One of the things that I say in the book is. You know, cute pictures and sad stories will only take you a little ways for a little while. And adoption is a whole life all the way kind of deal.

And we need a fire that is not under us so much as it is in our bones. And the only way we're going to get that fire, I really believe, for much of the motivation we need for the Christian life is. It is to understand where we were apart from Christ, out of the family, child of wrath, an orphan. And yet, because of what Christ has done for us, we are brought into the family and we have a place at the king's table. And when we realize what's been done in our life, it really helps us to get our eyes up.

And begin to think: wow, could we be ones that do this for others and put the gospel on display in such a powerful way?

Well said. We're talking with. Pastor Andrew Hopper. The name of his book is called Chosen: Building Your Family the Way God Builds His. We're going to talk some more when we come back because I want to hear.

How this has affected more and more of his ministry that he started. And this is Truth Talk Live, and we will be right back. Truth talk life. You're listening to the Truth Network and TruthNetwork.com. Welcome.

Truth Talk Live. This is Peter Rosberger. Glad to be with you. 866-34 TRUTH 866-348-7884. I want to read a scripture to you, Galatians 4:4 through 7.

But when the fulness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts crying, Abba, Father.

So you are no longer a slave. but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God. That takes on a whole different meaning. Based on what we're talking about with our guest today, Pastor Andrew Hopper, he is author of the new book, Chosen: Building Your Family the Way God Builds His. And they have modeled the theology, like you said earlier in the last block there.

Andrew, is that you know, this is you have three children by biology and one by theology. And and I love that you went Even deeper into this because it's one thing to adopt a child, it's another thing to adopt a child with special needs. And you did this. That must have been some conversation around the table. What he Yeah.

Yes, sir, it was. I mean, we did not set out to do that. We set out to. adopted child and we really believed that the Lord would bring who He had for us and But, yes, our adoption agency called us whenever our profile was chosen, and they said. Hey, you got to know there's a 99% chance that this child is going to have Down syndrome.

I didn't really understand what Down syndrome was. I mean, obviously, I've seen people and even interacted with people with Down syndrome, but I did not understand. what kind of a spectrum there is with Down syndrome and how Some people can be highly functional and others never talk and maybe don't even walk. Um Yeah, it was a conversation. They asked us to pray through it and to give it a couple days.

I felt like even from the very start. we were going to say yes, but we had some really good conversation with Our families and the economy of God's kingdom and in His absolute sovereignty. My dad had actually gone back to school later in life. He was a blue collar guy my whole life, and then he went back to school. after I was out of the house and became a special needs teacher actually before any of this with Faith Ann came up.

So We had a great resource there. Um and I also really believe that the Lord Spoke into my life. I feel like he gave me her name. You know, in that process, I really believe the Lord spoke into my life that. we were going to have this child and her name was going to be Faith.

And um that's exactly what happened. By the way, if you want to weigh in, talk to Andrew or have other thoughts on this, maybe you've walked through adoption in your family, 866-34-TRUTH, 866-348-7884. I've got a. A line of questions that I want to Throw at you, Andrew.

So bear with me on that. We'll give you the lightning round here. And we may bleed over into the next segment. your other children. How is this?

What have you watched and observed in the way they've responded to this? Yeah. I mean, I would say that my other children who are now sixteen, fourteen and eleven, They're very deep people. Because of this, at their age, they're beyond their years, but that has not come without sacrifice and even pain. You know, they know what it means to worry about their little sister on her way to the hospital for the.

third, fourth, fifth, sixth time. They understand what it means to have you know, very, very few family dinners where everybody's at the table because, you know, mom many times has to be sending something with faith and So it's not without sacrifice. It puts us in a position All the time to remember and believe that the Lord restores the years the locusts have eaten. We understand that one of our children has taken up more energy from her mother than the other three combined. At the same time, we believe that in that process, God can do great things, and He can make them into really deep, compassionate people who are adoption-minded as well.

So, um Yeah, it's not without sacrifice and it is hard. But as Elizabeth Elliott said, there's no love without sacrifice. And so I think we've seen that up close. I've watched this with our sons, and we have multiple family members with special needs, but primarily with our sons, with my wife. And um you know, they they've never known their mothers not be disabled.

Um and with severe disabilities. And yes, it does affect them. It is painful for them at times, very painful.

However, I am also of the mindset that these are things that Um create an opportunity for us to ask better questions as believers. And I keep coming back to something I was working through last year when I was in the hospital for five months. And a friend asked me, said, you know, how are you dealing with it? And I said, I look at myself and I say, Christian, what do you believe? And uh you these are these are Serious questions you ask, as Watchman Neese says in the Dark Night of the Soul.

You know, Christian, what do you believe? And when you see this now and you watch your children do this, and I watch my sons and the way they responded with their mother, and I watch my nephew the way they responded with their sister, my niece, who has she's thirty-seven with severe disabilities, cognitive and physical. And um and yet I watched them also grow. And wrestle with the things of God at an age where most kids are not. Are you seeing better questions come out of your children and that, or exploring or pushing into the things of God?

deeper than you expected.

Okay. Yeah, I don't know if it was deeper than I expected, but it certainly is very deep. And you know, I I I think you're exactly right. I mean, there's you know, when you think about The ways that a human body gets strong, there's only one way. You got to pick up stuff that's heavy.

Yeah. And I think the soul is very similar, you know. And when we pick up things that are heavy, none of us want to go through it. Um you know, I I don't have a Um You know, I don't have a very shallow theology that says slap a smile on it and it's all going to be fine. But at the same time, there's a very deep place where you say, no, God is working in this.

Romans 8:28 is true. and one day he will regenerate all things. And that doesn't mean that we're not sad at times now or that we have to pick up things that are heavy now. but it does mean that we are realist with a very optimistic long view And I do think my kids have have, um I do think my kids have experienced that and there's a depth to them. That I think only comes by picking up something that's real heavy.

And they have done that by being. um a incredible siblings to their sister. In fact, in the book, I my dedication to them is simply to say to my other three children that their mother and I see the unending patience and undying love that they have for their sister, and we're all so much better for it. What has surprised you maybe the most? For you personally, through this journey, as you know, you went into this thing as an adult, you knew what you were doing to the best of your abilities, then you get into it, and what has surprised you?

the most for you personally. I think maybe what has surprised me the most is, I know it's cliche. And You know, you hear this from adoptive parents, but it's very hard, I think, until. You're sitting in the seat of an adoptive parent to understand the special relationship. that a parent takes on with an adopted child.

Um it is Um You know, it's hard to believe, even from the way that God has wired us biologically. That your heart would B so wrapped up and and you would be able to pour out love For a child that is not biologically yours, but it absolutely happens because of the power of Christ and because of the Holy Spirit. Um You know, I don't I I you know, I think that I I had a semblance of what that would be. Um. But to understand that Even for my other kids, there is a very special nature to the relationship that we have with Faith Inn.

Some of that I know is because she's adopted.

Some of it I know is because she has special needs. But the Lord has just been overwhelmingly good to us in pouring out His love in our hearts for her. We're going to transition to the next block, and I want to talk about the church and where this is leading you in this. We're talking with Andrew Hopper. He is the author of the new book, Chosen, Building Your Family the Way God Builds His.

This is Truth Talk Live. 866-34-TRUTH 866-348-7884. We'll be right back. You're listening to the Truth Network and TruthNetwork.com. Welcome back to Truth Talk Live.

This is Peter Rosenberger. Glad to be with you today, 866-34 TRUTH, 866-348. seventy eight eighty four if you want to be a part of the program I am talking with Pastor Andrew Hopper. His new book is called Chosen, Building Your Family the Way God. builds his.

And we've been talking about his journey. If you're just now joining us, of Three biological children, one theological child that he has. I love that phrase, Andrew, that you came up with there. And that they adopted, but they not only adopted a child, they adopted a special needs child. And those of you who listen to my program for caregivers understand that special needs families.

Bring a unique dynamic into their lives with special needs children, special needs parents, and so forth. And um i it is a It is quite a journey. And I'm really quite moved to hear the story. I want to ask you, Andrew, as we pivot to your role as pastor now. I would imagine you probably remember the first sermon you preached after You adopted faith.

Do you remember the second one? Yeah. No, I don't honestly, that time was a little bit of a blur when she came into our home, but I think I understand what you're sort of getting at. Um it definitely changes you. Do you, as you look out at the landscape of the church now?

And I'm going to throw out a statement that my mother said many, many years ago. I'm a PK myself.

Okay. So I get that dynamic. Of pastors' families and so forth. But I um I was talking with my mother about this some time ago, And I was Concerned about a lot of things I saw in the church, particularly here in our Western culture. And she said, look, the organization of the Church is on life support.

the organism of the body of Christ, is doing just fine. What are your thoughts on that when you hear that?

Well, I think that there's I think there's truth in that in some ways. I mean, in North Carolina, it's widely reported that eighty percent of our churches are either plateaued or declining. Um you know, and uh that's that's tough, man. It's hard to It's hard to hear numbers that way, especially when you have so many people moving to a state like North Carolina from. many of the left leaning states that are leaving Um And You know, it's hard to know.

Is are these issues kind of around Policy? Are they around uh leadership issues? Or is there Is there something that maybe we're just on the cusp of right now? This year kind of feels like maybe the Spirit is going to bring revival to us? It's a little bit hard to know.

But I do understand what she means with the organism. No matter where you go, Um you will find I mean, in this country, you will find faithful believers who are doing the thing, and they are the aroma of Christ in every nook and cranny of society. Do you um do you sense that Um The church has lost its way a little bit on how to. Pastor. We have a lot of preachers, but do we have pastors?

And you know, I don't Go ahead.

Well, and do you sense that we know what to say for, for example, and again, this goes back to my world, we know what to say for episodic things. you know, where wherever two or three are gathered, there's a tune of casserole somewhere. And we know what to say when somebody has an event. We circle around. We're real good for short-term stuff.

But when you have a long-term thing that's sustained out over years, I mean, you guys are going to be dealing with some of the implications of faith life. possibly even beyond your grave, that your children will deal with. And do you feel like the church is prepared to walk with people through that type of thing? Yeah, I mean, when we talk about the church, I think it's important to. really distinguish exactly what we mean.

I mean, I understand that we have of the Big C Church. But then once you think about how that Big C church is is really kind of broken down into Um, you know, denominations, uh, tribes kind of within those denominations. I think the sh I think the correct answer is to say that some segments of the church are going to are going to be doing better in those areas than others. Our personal the churches that that the church I'm in and the church that churches that we plant and the churches that are peer churches with us, We try very hard to Raise up. You know, pastors slash elders in our churches that are really focused primarily on care.

We try to do that with people that are Are able to look over four or five what we call community groups, but small groups, or it might be Sunday school class or whatever in a different context. And their role in our church is to provide care Um where it is needed in you know, in that small subset of people from within the larger body. I also think it's just important that pastors remember that we are equippers of the saints. And that in my life, this has been true as well. 99% of the care that we have received In walking this road with Faith Ann has come from Christian friendships from within our church.

Um you know, I don't view it as the pastor's job. To And I know I'm the pastor in this situation, but we have many pastors. I don't view it as the pastor's job to meet all of our needs. I view his job as equipping the saints to think well about brother and sisterly love. And then that surrounds us.

with tons of people who are willing to jump in and help. And they love Faith Dan. And I love our family. You know, I love what you just said there. I remember our pastors, we lived in Nashville for many, many, many, many years.

And pastor came to us, two of them, and came to me and they said, are we pastoring you well?

Now, I don't know you don't probably know a lot of our journey, but my wife's had 98 surgeries now, both legs gone. And this has been going on since Ronald Reagan's first term.

So it's it's a journey. And there's a reason I do a show for caregivers. And I said, here's the deal. I don't require caregiving advice much. I mean, I've literally written a book for caregivers, four of them.

I don't require a lot of care giving advice, but what I do need is to better understand the Gospel in my circumstances. And so I'm listening to every one of your sermons. And if it's not equipping me to better steward and care and point her to the To to Christ. Then what's the point? You know, it's not like I'm special in that sense.

We all need that. Everybody's on every pew is going through something. And the goal then is not to somehow make me feel better in my situation, it's to increase my situation. My understanding of God's Word and how it sustains me in this. Which is, by the way, exactly what they were doing.

It was a long way around the mountain to tell them: yes, you are, and here's why. Yeah. And would you what are your thoughts on that?

Well, I do think that you mentioned pastoring versus preaching. I think a lot of pastoring happens from the pulpit. Not all, of course, but I do think what you're saying is exactly right. if we are able to rightly handle the word of truth And try to make sure people understand how the gospel motivates all of Christian living. that that story of you being brought in Of you you know, I think about Mephibosheth and Davis.

That story of man, I am lame. I am an enemy. I deserve death. And yet the king has come and found me? and literally has carried me to his table.

When we put ourselves, you know, many times we hear that story, we think we're David, we're not, we're Mephibosheth. And we all have lame legs. We have a dead heart, a dead spirit. I mean, we are spiritually dead. We needed a resurrection and a king that would carry us to his table.

And when we understand that that's happened, Then we can begin to say, and then this is how this works out in a caregiving situation. This is how it works out on your college campus sharing the gospel. This is how it works out in a marriage. And so I do think that what you said is right. You know, if those guys.

are are putting the gospel on display. They're helping people. with how to apply that to their real life. Um I think it's it's a big part of the puzzle. You know, what does this look like in this place?

And, you know, I love that, by the way, Mephiboshev is one of my all-time favorite stories. I tear up when I hear it because, you know, he was living in a place called Lodibar. Which means desolation. I mean, the guy he was expecting nothing but death. But I've always kind of wondered what that first meal was like after the king put him at his table.

But, you know, they're all passing, you know. Absolutely, would you pass the potatoes, you know, kind of thing? How weird that must have been. But how glorious it is, and what a picture it is. And what do you want to see?

Churches start to embrace specifically. I know you want the larger picture of understanding the gospel, but what is like the next thing if you could just. You know Go ahead and just say one thing. Yeah, well, I do believe that churches are made up. of individual believers who are made up of an individual spirit.

Spiritual gifting. And so to me, when I look at Ephesians 2:10 and I understand that God has put works before me that I would walk in them before the foundation of the world. I really believe he's wired me for those works. He wouldn't equip me for something that he's not going to call me to. And so I think that's true for every individual believer.

Well, what is a local church? A local church is nothing more than a collection of individual believers who have covenanted together. And so, you know, when that happens, I believe that even every individual church might have an Ephesians 2:10 type calling. You know, I'm careful to say, hey, I know I've got a book on adoption and I'm very passionate about it. But it may be that, you know, a church is really, you know, we're all called to Acts 1:8, Matthew 28, to make disciples to the ends of the earth.

But how we go about that. May look different from church to church. There may be churches that Are very good at reaching college students, and that's where they should put their energy. There may be churches that are very good at homeless ministry. Great, put your energy there.

very good at planting new churches. For churches that maybe have an adoption mindset or ministries within a church that have an adoption mindset. then I think we can really advocate that this is a community of people who are on the front lines of spiritual war doing good gospel ministry by adopting children into their homes.

So I think it's a recognition of each church realizing, man, there are things uniquely that we can be going after. under the banner of the larger missions. Wonderfully put. Andrew, listen, I do want to ask you one last thing, and then we're going to be up against the clock here, so we've got to go. But I.

Special needs has a way of putting pressure in relationships. And what are some of the things that you have that have surprised you maybe and not dismayed you, because I never want to unpack anybody's stuff in that regards. But as you and your wife have done this, this has got to have changed the way you two relate together. And your relationship. There's no doubt.

I mean, when you, you know, when there's cracks and you put a bunch of pressure on it, they become canyons. And so I think for Anna and I, we've known that going in. And I think it has pushed us to community. It has pushed us to understand we're not going to be able to do this alone, not by a long shot. And our church has really come alongside of us in that, and our elder team has as well.

Wonderfully said, and I appreciate that very much. Listen, Andrew, I've enjoyed the conversation. Andrew Hopper. Thank you. The book is called Chosen: Building Your Family the Way God Builds His.

Andrew, people want to find you. It's AndrewP. Hopper.com, right? That's it. All right, thanks.

This is Peter Rosenberg. We'll be right back. You're listening to The Truth Network and TruthNetwork.com. Welcome back to Truth Talk Live. This is Peter Rosenberger.

Glad to be with you, 866-34-TRUTH, 866-348-7884. And I wanted to, in this last block, talking to a very specific group of people. And you may not fit into that group.

Okay, and that's okay, 'cause this Just this tiny group of people. that I would like to speak to. This is Valentine's Day, this weekend. And I've always thought that it was a choreographed alliance, if you will, between the greeting card and chocolate companies. Big chocolate, big greeting card.

It's a made-up holiday. As far as I'm concerned, the only really good holiday is Arbor Day. You plant a tree, you water it, you give thanks to God, you walk away, nobody gets hurt, there's no parade, there's no meals, there's no drama, there's no fuss. But here we are. In Valentine's Day, his Man, um thoroughly commercialized.

And many men, and including myself over the years, have approached it with Well intentioned, uh good intentions, but often you know, um ham-fisted earnestness. but it's also become a day to pause for many couples. It's a moment, you know, however imperfectly executed, to tend to the fire of of of intimacy in a relationship. And, um Over time, you look at it less as, you know, oh, we've got to do this or we've got to have some kind of elaborate thing, but more as a deliberate effort to say, you know what, you matter to me, even when the. when the words come out crooked.

But for family caregivers. for spouses. Valentine's Day can be a different kind of day. And some of you are dealing with that right now. And if you're not dealing with that, I'm sorry, this is not for you.

But let me just talk to those right now. who are in a relationship with somebody who can't bear the the the weight of the relationship. equally with you. not because of neglect, or indifference or anything else, but but because dementia or disability. Illness, injury.

Pain Has shifted the balance. The love's there. But it's no longer evenly borne. Last year I spent Valentine's Day in the hospital with Gracie. Whatner first?

Uh It's not like she can get up and go get a card. She couldn't do anything. In fact, I don't even remember if she was conscious for most of it.

So, what do you do? You know, holidays already do this to family. Christmas and Thanksgiving are rough for families because you see decline and loss sometimes so vividly at those days. But Valentine's Day pierces a little bit deeper, and it's intimate by design. And when one person must carry uh the relationship alone The sadness can feel a bit sharper.

and more personal and and harder to explain. Caregiving. Caregiving requires reframing. Not denial, not pretending, but just reframing it, not putting on a happy face. But stepping back enough to see the relationship writ large, Uh not not just through the the narrow lens right now of the present limitations.

And it means that you recognize the ache. itself. testifies to something rare. And let me just tell you. Common things.

are seldom viewed as precious. And only an uncommon love produces the kind of sorrow. that so many caregivers feel, caregiving husbands whose wives don't recognise them. caregiving wives. Whose husbands?

have wasted away to almost Nothing. and they don't recognize them, or they're not able to function well. And it produces a a very Unique kind of sorrow. And only a deep bond. leaves one person willing to shoulder what the other one can can no longer do.

And so, in light of that, over the years, I've often told my fellow caregivers who are doing that. That it's okay to buy your own Valentine's Day card. Choose the one that your husband or wife would have picked for you if they could. At this point in your life together, You already know the words. You know what they would say to you.

You know their personality. If they were mushy and Hallmark card esk, Hallmark movie channel esk. You know the kind of card. If they ha had a sassy bit to them and a little bit saucy, You know the cat of card. You've learned it through the years of Your your shared history and private humor and Ordinary sacrifice?

Find the card that they would have said. And mail it to yourself. You got time. It's not self-pity. It's a tribute to the love that you share.

I remember the first time I shared this on the radio, I was looking through the window at my producer. And he started tearing up. And He was he was caught in a pretty tough place. because he was married to somebody who was struggling with alcoholism. Which is also a chronic impairment.

And one that Turn spouses into caregivers. And some of you know exactly what I'm talking about, but you haven't referred to yourself as a caregiver. To my knowledge, I'm the only one with any kind of national platform for caregivers that does this. that that calls family members of addicts and alcoholics caregivers. And some of you have a husband.

whose drinking has become such that it all it does is leave you with sorrow.

Some of you have a wife. Who's drinking? Or drug use. has become such that all you have is an ache in your heart just like My friend did. You can still.

recognise the love even when reciprocity has gone missing. You can fix their favorite meal even if you have to be the one to help them eat it. Been there, done that. You can set the table, even if there's only one place setting that feels like somebody's fully present there. They may not even, they may just be looking out the window.

You can play the song that you danced to or you hummed together through the years. The goal is not for us to pine over this because That can really undo us as caregivers. But we instead were going to rest in the magnitude of a love that inspires. Such devotion That you're caring for them. It doesn't eliminate the tears.

Nothing in this life will. But tears don't necessarily mean defeat. And some things are heartbreaking because they are too beautiful for our hearts. to contain this side of heaven and and I got to tell you, sadness is too small a word for that kind of ache. If you ever read C.S.

Lewis, the Chronicles of Narnia, and the Voyage of the Dawn Treader, at the end, C.S. Lewis gives Lucy a moment of this. Language-defying clarity when she catches a glimpse of Aslan's country. And years later, she was trying to explain what she felt, what she saw, and she said it would just break your heart. And someone said, Well, was it sad?

And she said, No. Because What she saw was not tragic, it was just simply too glorious. for her heart to hold it all. And this is where Scripture speaks. The promise is not that God will make all new things Discarding what was.

That's not the promise, he said. The promise is that he will make all things new. The love you lived, the faithful faithfulness you showed, The care you gave, none of it is wasted. Redemption does not erase love, it completes it.

So, this Valentine's Day. If you find yourself in a hospital room, Assisted living facility. A nursing home, or at your kitchen table by yourself. Allow the tears to come. Read the card they would have sent.

Eat the meal you would have shared. Listen to the music that once marked your life together. Set another card on the table, the one you would choose for the person who changed your life so profoundly. That you now carry the love entrusted to you when they no longer can. And I want you to remember this as well.

There is one who loves you both. More fiercely than our hearts can understand. He sees every tear. He keeps an account of every sacrifice. And he indeed will make all.

Things. No. My father as a minister married an awful lot of people, including my wife and me. And at every wedding He gave the same verse. Ecclesiastes 4.12.

According to the chord of three strands. is not easily broken. You have a Saviour who is acquainted with grief and sorrow, and he understands this in ways that you can't. It all changed for me. When I step back from all of Scripture and looked at the whole thing, and I realized I have a Saviour, Who is in love with a wounded bride?

My Saviour. is in love with the wounded bride. The church is the bride of Christ, and we are a wounded group of people. And he's in love with a wounded bride, just like me. He understands.

He understands sorrow. And he will make all things new.

So yes, there will be tears, but they don't have to be tears of rage, and they don't have to be tears of despair. We grieve it out because we accept this is what it is. but also recognize how great a love The two of you have shared. even if she or he can't reciprocate. How great a love.

that inspires you As a caregiver. to carry this thing. all by yourself. My prayer is, though, that you will realize that as you recognize this and as you look at this for what it is. that you will come to understand that you're not carrying it by yourself.

That he's carrying both of you. even through this sorrow. Buy your own card for Valentine's Day. It's okay. There's more if you want to see it out at hopeforthecaregiver.com.

Hopeforthecaregiver.com. I encourage you to go out there and look at the things I put out there for fellow caregivers, healthy caregivers. Make better caregivers. This is Peter Rosenberger. This has been Truth Talk Live.

Thanks for spending the time with me. We'll see you next time. Yeah.