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June 19, 2020 2:00 pm
Stu interviews author Bob Reccord about his book Ending the Cycle of Father Wounds for our special Father's Day episode.
Hello this is Matt slick from the match look like podcast right defend the Christian faith and lay out our foundation of the truth of God's word. Your chosen Truth Network podcast is starting in just a few seconds. Enjoy it, share it, but most of all, thank you for listening and for choosing The Truth Podcast Network.
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Is it possible to find healing forgiveness for those deep wounds in your life. What about your father wounds what is a father wound.
Well, a good friend, a man of God and author. A leader this guy has been a mentor to so many people is been a father figure to so many is always right now.
His name is Bob record, Bob.
This new book when I possible to copy my head right now ending the cycle of father wounds. Hope for healing and preventing infections caused by relational wounds.
This thing is really striking a chord brother. Thank you for writing this and thanks for coming on was an honor and thank you and I agree you need in our culture in a Mother's Day. The cards pour in.
And it's the number one day of mailing the whole year Father's Day not so many cards out its excellence is the lowest male day in the whole prison system in America, and likely in the world because of these deep fathers was that not tell us what led you to write this book ending the cycle of father wounds Bob record whatever you know whenever you're one of those guys so full of wisdom. When a member with you and whatever you write a book like it's it's you know you're one of those guys that when you speak, people listen, because God just get your dripping with wisdom you been such an impact on my life and my dad and her family's life in so many amazing Christian organizations of impact about you. So why this book why this book now. Thanks so much food welcome number of years ago I had a radio program myself living. I was interviewing a guy by the name Dr. David and he's talking about father wounds and help others often unintentionally wound their children.
There never heal. And then I get carried into their own adult lives. When the children grow and my wife was with me as I was interviewing. She said to me later. Did you realize what was happening as you were interviewing him and he was talking about it. Your engineer was crying. Your producer was crying other guys in the room were shaking her head yeah wow and I realized this was a big deal And then I start thinking about my own life through you and I had a biological dad was an alcoholic. I would later be adopted and I had a very struggling and dysfunctional dad and I realize that I had father wounds. So I came to an understanding of father wound often isn't intentional standards of emotional injury to the heart are the sole caused by what it dad or stepdad or a father figure to listen to this either did or did not do in words, actions or in actions as the child was growing up in this gracious Masa you sure how to respond all that you got this book chapter 1 fathers rock chapter 2 wounded warriors. Chapter 3 taken a personal examination.
It's almost like you wound the reader in a way to open up them not not not in a bad way, but to open up their hearts so that you write an offer. The miracle of forgiveness. You know, chapter 9, and how you really bring them to the to that to the feet into the into the loving arms of the heavenly father and healing the Bob record like so many listing you watch these TV programs or these movies and you just see the dad this big no strong dad this big man whether he's at, you know, a World War II veteran, or whether he's at, you know, a big man. It works in the steel industry. Whatever or an athlete you see his little guy right there and just sit in their unit with tears in your eyes and please tell little guy you love them right would smack them around could smack his mom around quick good throwing out these vindictive quicksand you and you gotta be words EA just tell him you love him give my dad, hug. What's the problem, sir, but there's auto son and broken and that dad can you take us into that to consider the trauma. Let's get real here yeah I live 15 years outspoken over 15,000 men in conferences and events, and I began to ask them a question here was the question how many of you at a dad, stepdad or father figure who regularly and consistently told you they love you unconditionally.
They were proud of who you were not just what you did and they regularly were engaged in what was important to you while and when I would ask him to raise her hands.
I'd never had more than 25% at max whether the crowd was 100 or 10,000 indicate that was what they experienced. Which meant 75, 80% of guys were carrying wounds and that has impact. As I point out in the book. Five major impacts that had real real change agent you and dad and granddad and stepdad live the wars that have been fought since the beginning of the 20th century has had devastating impact on men, and they began to keep everything that they experience in the horrors that they saw and watched up inside themselves and they many of them wouldn't talk about it so they just internalize a lot of turmoil hard economic times, whether it was the recession of 2008 are all the way back to the depression of the late 20s huge economic crisis that impacted dad with job security and finance issues that the greater society that Lyndon Johnson put into effect. It was meant to and claimed to help everybody live well and yet it actually gave financial incentive or people, especially University not to marry.
That is not to bring the bad end of the hall and therefore increased exponentially. Number of homes that didn't have a dad while so there are so many impacts that have impacted the family and as a result that's been carried from generation to generation to generation up and dance don't they don't intend to carry this stuff, but they do international express.
My wife sure what type she said you know you may not have grant but boy sometimes you are a carrier that would father would recite human and as you grow old if they're not, you are not dealt with. You inevitably take them into the adult relationships that you have family, friends, etc. and that's why I call it ending the cycle of poverty because it becomes repetitive generation you can in it right now, sir, why are you so angry your kids all time. Why can't you just pick him up and love them unconditionally. Well because your wounded your struggle in your face that you get with God.
Gotta get a hold of his word yet to get all of the book like this that point you to his word by my buddy Bob record who wrote this book ending the cycle of father wounds.
You gotta get a hold of this word is for letter were the changes everything. Hope a lot it HOPE hope for healing and preventing infections caused by relational moves like anything.
Some of us are so wounded that our wounds have become like us almost a malignant, deadly staph infection. The sky just take us to the grave. If were not careful and dad's or beat themselves up and they they they just they they want to do this, but their stock get us unstuck.
Will you Bob give us some hope, will you please if there are great help in the book chapter is a self assessment with the reader can just look through and a friend of mine is a phenomenal Christian counselor and therapist with over 35,000 hours of helping people build stuff helped craft that assessment so that the reader can only go through and it is not infallible to me, but it's a great, great, helpful agent to say or do I not have a father wound issue and it just shows you okay if I do then the rest of the book tells you how do you assess it. How do you deal with it and how do you get healing and forgiveness and it and begin to repair that relationship.
If you are like me. I waited a long time and that's sad because my adopted dad and my biological dad were both dead by the time I had to do with it soon. Then you asked the question okay so they're not there now. What I do book tells you if that can't be reached if you don't know where he is. If he's dead that's how you step into the situation and say okay it's not too late.
I can still have hope for forgiveness here because it's not so much for the dad that you need to get healing is for yourself that you need to get healing in the book walks you through exactly how to do that and it shows that hey this is a common issue in our culture in so many families that don't feel weird. Don't feel strange don't feel like you're the only one. This is a big big issue and a lot of families. But that is only changed by one person at a time playing. I realize this is impacted my life and I need a change. So once that assessment is done. The rest of the book tells you here's how to put pieces back together. How to restore relationships yourself to experience and give forgiveness because it is not forgiveness or the other person as much as it's forgiveness for you, the reader that helps heal your life and help you not pass it on to your own family your own kids, your own grandkids. And if you're man enough to deal with it.
Your kids and grandkids will thank you for the rest of their life and with Father's Day coming up.
Steve this is so relevant and it can be found firstname.lastname@example.org simply did to go to Amazon.com go to the book section and put in ending the cycle of father wounds will take you right to it and it's both in print addition and in digital Kindle edition where you can visually downloaded as well. Either the format is available to anybody who wants it, and what a great time with Father's Day coming up to make this a gift of somebody you care about some items important in your life. Maybe a dad may be yourself. Whatever is the best way that you think it can be used to benefit the life of another and maybe several people this could be a great game changer with Father's Day coming up in the next two months (this book is called ending the cycle of father wounds.
What a perfect Father's Day gift and were to make this our holiday podcast and we got a go on the broadcast. But Bob's going to hang around and tell us on the podcast to be sure you download our true thought, we can podcast you can tell us how God healed his father wound and how is his his testimony there and a little more full constant of fun cool stuff with Bob record the office book. Find out about the book everyplace books are sold hope for the healing and preventing infections caused by relational wounds. Bless your father with this talented but share this podcast with them downloaded.
You notice podcasting things going crazy with tons of folks to download this in shirt with a lot of people in.
It's a great Father's Day gift both this audio conversation with my good friend Bob record and getting his book in the hands of father's daughter should read this book. A mom should read this book to help you understand goodness. I don't want to repot.
I want to break the cycle so my daddy never hugged me never said I love you Bubba Bubba blah God is gonna bring healing and hope to that in God's going to now use you to start a whole new to do a new thing in your life bring that healing Bob, thank you for being on and what a blessing you bet soon. Thank you for the opportunity and will use a huge important thing at the end. As I wrote this book, beginning primarily for men having spoken over 300,000 of them in the last 50 years.
It became so obvious that so many needed. I had women come out of the woodwork saying hey don't forget about us. We have father would do so. I adjusted the whole text of the book to include both men and women and you said a mouthful. It's not just a man thing is a woman issue as well who had dads who either intentionally or most often unintentionally left wounds and they've never been effectively solved, resolved and restored and healed. While the book is ending the cycle father was pick it up and Bob, you hang on with me for a few minutes on the podcast. This is bonus coverage for those in one piece. Be sure you download this and follow me on Twitter, Facebook, all the places on social media Instagram we are on thereto and because were just sharing all these good messages there as well and we got this truth app you can listen to as well. Always a special thank you to a wonderful partner helping us advance the message of this program of the gospel in the thank you goes out to my pillow.com Mike Lindell, the inventor CEO has now open his heart to say thank you as well.
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Click on the new radio listener specials and you'll save big you will believe the savings just enter promo code truth when you get there, always promised with a 60 day moneyback guarantee and a 10 year warranty. You can also call this toll-free number 800-944-5396 thank you my pillow for partnering with us to advance the good news the gospel and thinking all you guys that have checked about supporting our sponsors. He hung around and he's a brave man to do it and he's a brave man to step into the arena of father wounds and write this book. He's Bob record what great man of God. Now Bob, you wrote this book.
There's a lot of personal stuff in here about your life to talk about your own father wound and how God brought healing to you and me. Even families that look like they got together that look like a everything.
This is the perfect family there in the during the family sedan, all dressed up on their way to church there check in the lunch afterward and going through the Noah prayer meeting and they're just doing just fine. But there's deep, deep wounds, even in the church today with fathers and those wounds can be exacerbated, and can lead to some horrible things in to a whole culture of young people that have their identities been been fractured and their struggle in their hurt. Can you talk about your situation and in parlay that into this book and how you want to help others. The book is ending the cycle of father wounds in our special guest who wrote this wonderful book is Bob record will you best to you. Maybe what you are talking and I was remembering being a pastor and one Sunday I had gotten there early and people were arriving and I just was standing for whatever reason just getting some quiet time by some shrubbery out beside the church as people were driving in the parking and I saw family after family driving in.
Obviously in pretty engaged arguments or dads turning back to the backseats and telling these kids be quiet about, etc. and then they would get out and start looking for the church and I thought I'm just a little fun with this been obvious that they had been attention par Exelon's in the car.
I would step out from the Bush and say good morning and suddenly this incredible spiritual aura came over the family and it was oh hi Pastor we are so cited about being the detergent so good to see you and I thought what a dichotomy at war with each other while and now it's time to put on the game plan are we human or what. How true that is 70 soon I was the third of three boys born into a home where there mom and dad had never finished high school that was in the military, the mom was wonderfully sweet, kind very well liked the dad was an alcoholic and as I was being carried my mom's health began to break down doctors got concerned.
They encouraged her to consider not carrying me to turn even though that was not a legal issue at that time because of Roe versus Wade had not occurred yet, but so their ways taking care of that kind of stuff in those days and she is convinced that life was a gift of God and that she wanted to carry me to term because only he could give me life and only you should be able to take it she bore me to term but it cost her a lot because 11 months later, she died on that list an alcoholic dad with three boys under the age of four that he didn't know what to do with them wasn't fully sure that he wanted and things went from bad to worse and we got thrown from place to place and house to house and he would throw us out to somebody take care of as well. He went party leader did what he wanted to do many good built-in.
It is back in go back and forth. We couldn't get anybody get it or take us from them for a while. There was always positive. Sure, seller, whatever that he would lose and I was finally after insulin around the adopted by a couple you think wow what a great ending, and I was thankful they gave me so many things that I would never have otherwise. Like a good education can go to college first in my family of adopted family, but my dad had been an illegitimate child himself and my adopted dad had the results of the rest of the 45-year-old businessman with a 15-year-old girl and had the been denied and that he was the son of the father and the young girl didn't know what to do with them. So she gave him to her mom and her alcoholic husband and he was raised in a terrible situation is in a gang by the time he was 15, stabbed in a knife fight. By the time he was 16 and and then he unbelievably met a young Christian girl who would become my adoptive mom. They fell in love eloped got married and lost four kids of their own 32 miscarriage and one to stillbirth and the after all that tragedy is a heard about these three boys who didn't have a home and whatnot, Lauren random part of town in the Midwest town old-growth lady came and said with two older ones are gone I family Artie took him but the branch in the back and if you have the same finding and walk away and made their way through the rundown house and found me on the backyard was covered over 70% of my body by severe impetigo is really bad shape and smelled terribly and yet they took me into their home and nurse me and cared for me and give me a life that I will always be thankful for in love but as good as that was my dad still carried a lot of baggage between a war served in World War II between having been raised very dysfunctional.
It and receive father loses his own and as a result therefore carried amend our family and therefore I had wounds that came from both biological dad and an adopted dad and didn't admit that for a long long time, and a list of in my early 40s when I was finally sitting in a restaurant one day and a one many people in the restaurant and Sharon were just having a quiet dinner and I don't why stupid some reason on a slick I began to get emotional and and begin a week, and I'm not typically an emotional person say assurance.
Are you okay and I said I think so it just kept happening and she said I'm not sure you are interested. I'm not sure I am either when we go home and all the way home is get me that what was happening. For whatever reason at that particular night at that particular point at that particular moment, a lot of stuff in my life that had come from wounds that it happened through the years had come to bear and had come to the surface that I had pressed down so much and I knew I need to do these. And that's how it all came to the forefront for me while so just diss the access road as a whole have the stuff you just unpack right there and fast for us to it today because here you are a man of God going through all that. Who is you been a father to so many.
But you have written this book ending the cycle of father wounds tell us a little bit about how all of that leveraged into what you're doing now when you speak in and just the hearts and open up and how God's just you porn his grace through you will screw been able to speak over 3000 men in the last 15 years and the thing that I so over and over and over again is regardless of what they would talk to me in the halls of in chance meetings or come seeking me out. Whatever the issue was marriage relationships with kids work. Whatever the issues were so often when we start calling stuff away layer by layer. It got down to her father wounds that had never been dealt with.
So I began to ask men were there was a group so Hunsberger 50 men all way to thousands of men. How many of you had a dad, a stepdad or a father figure who regularly and consistently told you they love you. They met unconditional love. You heard it right, they were proud of you for who you were not just for how you performed, whether it be engraved you on that athletic field or whatever and they worked regularly be engaged with you and the things that were important to you as a child and it's on me that no more than 20 to 25% of guys ever were able to indicate regard size the crap that's the kind of dad, stepdad, or granddad that I grew up with and I realized that I'm not in this alone a lot guys are dealing with this and there are a lot of wounds there and I realized it wounds Lee's infections and if they're not dealt with. They get to get worse and worse and I was reminded in the journey that this is an illustration William McKinley was our 25th president very successful in his first term elected and sweeping majority to second term, but he was at a world exposition and a dissident got close to him. Nobody knew he was carrying a gun and shot the president if close range.
One bullet unbelievably was deflected by him button on the student of William McKinley. The other one went into his stomach and they rushed into a hospital. They probed and paroled and searched and searched for the other bullet could not find it. But as the days passed and they continued to search Stu. They thought he was improving. What they didn't realize is unseen to them. Something we today call gangrene and eight days later, while medical people thought McKinley was improving.
He died what that says is I coming to your point is you started us out. We can look good on the outside we can have all the signs of being a good family, great dad, etc. etc. and if we're not careful below the surface, even by unintentional wounds. There can be an infection that's taken place and if it's not dealt with and healed with time. It can become really damaging while so we had to do that to give us your challenge to fathers out there give us some help in the look of these little kids are overwhelmed how I raises new little guy is just a beta how do I maybe not do what my dad did to me.
You know how to better know and I'll blow it you know how to not repeat the cycle.
I spent my whole icing and I can do what he did and knocking it Megan to go drink and I can do stupid stuff he did now here I am tempted been drawn away by you know I'm being giving into my sent. How can you challenge we please quickly challenge her fathers out there just to distant in terms of being godly – would you say to you, I would say number one is never too late never. And so as a result, now is a great time, especially Father's Day coming up now.
The great time to take the step to be man enough to say I don't want to leave any infection in my kids at number two. I would say in the book ending the cycle father wounds.
It's available on Amazon, both in digital and implicit copy on the third chapter. There's a assessment tool that any dad can take a self-assessment to real easily real quickly done via a professional counselor is a great friend of mine and it gives a great quick analysis of is it likely that I have been a victim of father wounds that it is impacted my life. Because if it has very likely that inadvertently were passing it on. Number three. All opportunity for forgiveness and restoration, and the rest of the book tells how did you do that how do you put the pieces together first put things to bed in your own life that may be some news that your caring and secondly to make sure that you are taking every step needed impossible to heal and in the life of your kids and your grandkids and they'll be thankful for that of the rest of their life, and Estrella said boy, all of us is that Those feelings of inadequacy and we don't want to pass on the things that happened to us in our own life at every dad struggles with how can I be a perfect dad, here's the out the answer. None of us can be made. Look at God he created Adam and Eve is exposed created children and look how they turned out. I mean, they made some mistakes but no dad as perfect as you can possibly try to be make sure that everything turns out just right. But you can make sure you take all the steps possible to make sure that there's no retinal or collateral damage left in the background that will infect your kids or your grandkids.
And the choice is yours. You can't Make it happen. You're the one his dad, granddad, stepdad gonna take a step to do and be man enough to say I need help to make sure that those are caused by me. Amen. Fantastic.
Hey, thank you so much.
What encouragement did this book and you'll be blessed. Ending the cycle father wounds pick it up for your dad to get up for your kids. Listen to this broadcast with your family. Share this broadcast with your daddy not listen to you but you listen to this is were call him Bob records called him to love Jesus to get was God to get healing there in the turnaround to be of vibrant father to so many who need that love of the father. The good only by the grace of God, can we love this way and only by the grace of God, can we point other people into the loving arms of father God thank you Bob record you are a blessing, my friend.
Thanks for being on oh you like to get probably the Amazon.com object. Write your own and just go on Amazon. Could Amazon.com go to book section and put in ending the cycle father going to be needed in digital format or you can get it in print format and it would be a blessing to any dad or perspective. Dad or stepdad or granddad with Father's Day, super Genesis, but this book Bob record is the author and his name is got to season a DOB cc ORD he breaks the record for having the best spelling of the name record right Bob so and I think I have my ancestors must hundred that may have been the problem. Amen.
Hey, working to connect next week by phone and I am to catch up on a lot of things in it and maybe make you a year own podcast broadcast is your such a gifted communicator brother