Marriage and Divorce (Part 1 of 2)

The Bible makes it clear that marriage is designed by God to be a lifelong covenant commitment. So are there biblical grounds for divorce? And if you do divorce, is remarriage permissible?

What about getting married after you've been widowed? Today on Truth for Life, Alistair Begg looks at how the Bible addresses these frequently asked questions. Our God and our Father, we are glad to be able to come tonight and worship you. And as we think of the society in which we live, we pray that you will make us not only students of your word, but men and women who are obedient to your word, that we might display our love for it by our commitment to it—a commitment, first of all, to understand it. And so we pray that you would help us tonight as we think of these verses, and in understanding it then, to have it applied to our lives, no matter how costly it may be, no matter how it may run counter to what our friends in the world may suggest, no matter whether it is actually something different than what we would personally like to do. Teach us, Lord, we pray, from your Word again tonight.

For Jesus' sake we ask it. Amen. It would seem in listening to people talk that to be single and satisfied is to be amongst a minority, that to be married and contented is to be also in a small group of people. To be cynical and confused about marriage, its nature, and its benefits is to find oneself in an ever-growing crowd.

As it is with other precious gifts, when we take them at a time or in a framework that God has never intended, we will find ourselves in difficulty, so with a matter of human sexuality. And as we've been finding that the Bible is very, very practical when it comes to these matters, it is not as naïve or as ashamed as we often are to address difficult issues straightforwardly. It would be one thing if the rampant confusion concerning marriage was all to be found beyond the walls of the church, but sadly that is not the case. And whoever it is that deals with statistics, they tell us that the issues within the church are as prominent as those outside the church, that the whole question of marriage and divorce, of singleness, of the discovery of sexuality, of the framing of who and what we are as individuals, is often just as chaotic amongst those who would name the name of Christ as it is beyond the walls of Christendom. And so it's very, very important that we would pay careful attention to what the Bible has to say, and in these verses Paul provides clear directives to individuals who find themselves in specific circumstances.

And it really breaks down into four groups of people. The first are mentioned in verses 8 and 9 as he addresses those who are unmarried and who are widows. The group obviously would include those who had never married the single population, if you like, but it also presumably included those who had married and had subsequently been divorced. And you will see that he specifically mentions one group of unmarried people, namely those who were now single as a result of the death of their spouse.

The question is, what plans should such individuals make when they think about the question of marriage? In the first seven verses, we discovered that Paul was establishing the fact that marriage was the norm that God had established for men and women, but that singleness as a gift from God, when it was given as a gift from God, was also very good. We also noted that Paul was not here speaking, as it were, in some kind of rarified context, in an ivory tower, but we noted that it would appear more than likely that Paul himself had at one time been married. Since he now says that he is unmarried, we have to ask, why is he now unmarried? Did his wife leave him when he professed faith in Jesus Christ, and therefore the apostle Paul was actually a divorcee? Or was it simply that his wife had died and he now found himself as a widow?

In either case, he is addressing things that are not only important to others but were very, very important for himself. He's presently unmarried. Now he describes essentially the best situation possible for these people if an unmarried person would be able to find themselves under no pressure to marry at all, then that, he says, would really be the best situation. It is good for them, in verse 8, to stay unmarried as I am.

Now, why is this? Well, I think verse 32 must always be our point of reference when we tackle Paul's emphasis here for the unmarried. Why is he so interested in people living unmarried lives for Christ?

Well, he tells us in verse 32, I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs, how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world, how he can please his wife, and his interests are divided. However, he says, an unmarried woman or a virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs. Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit, but a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world, how she can please her husband.

And so when we try and understand why Paul keeps coming back to this theme, I think his straightforward statements here in verses 32 and following are the key to it all. The best situation, then, is for the unmarried person to remain unmarried, feeling no pressure whatsoever to marry. The next best situation is that of the individual who finds that they must express their sexuality and that they would do so within marriage. But if they cannot control themselves, if they must express themselves sexually, they should marry, because it is far better, he says, to marry than to burn with passion. However, the least desirable situation is that of the individual who patently needs marriage as a means of expressing their sexuality, but for whatever reason, they feel compelled or they try very hard to do without it. Somebody who is trying to live unmarried while knowing themselves that they need to be married. Paul clearly does not regard, as some did in his day and others have done subsequently, he clearly does not regard the suppression of sexual desire as being meritorious. The notion that to want to be married and to refrain from marriage would somehow gain you points, as it were—the kind of celibacy that has pervaded the Roman Catholic Church down through the years. Paul does not subscribe to that view whatsoever. His concern is that if a person is going to burn with passion and cannot live with singleness or to remain in their unmarried state and honor God in doing so, then he is concerned that they would go ahead and get married.

Well, what about the individual who has been married and now finds themselves wondering whether they should or should not? What does it mean to burn with passion? Is there a difference between burning with passion and simply feeling the heat?

John Calvin in his commentary suggests that there is. He says that feeling the heat, if you like, is common to man and is to be dealt with vigorously in the power of the Spirit. However, burning with passion, says Calvin, is being so aflame with passion that you cannot stand up against it. It is, in the words of another, to be so consumed with inward desire that scarcely anything else either matters or can be coolly considered. That's what it means. It means that the whole fixation of life is driven towards that eventuality. Clearly, that is to be set on fire with a passionate desire.

J. B. Phillips gets at it when he says, I think it is far better to be married than to be tortured by unsatisfied desire. And to be tortured by unsatisfied desire presumably, then, is different from every so often looking at a married couple and saying, I think I might like to be married too. Now, since he specifically mentions widows, I'd like you to look forward to verse 39 and 40, where he again mentions widows. A woman is bound to her husband, he says in verse 39, as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, and then he qualifies that, but he must belong to the Lord. In my judgment, what do you think he's going to say?

She is happier if she stays as she is. That's what he has determined. He's decided that as he's looked back on his life, and as his life is experienced now, he figures that if she can live the kind of 1 Corinthians 7.32 perspective, she'll be happier in that way. And then I think ironically, he says, and I think that I too have the Spirit of God. What does he mean, I think that I too have the Spirit of God?

He knows fine well he has the Spirit of God. I think this is more of the irony that we noted in earlier lectures, remember, where people were acting so smart in the Corinthian church, and they were determining that they knew everything, and they had decided everything, and they could understand everything. And Paul writes to them somewhat sarcastically, and he says, So you are kings?

I wish I had become a king. And I think this is the way we can understand this verse. So you all think you understand the Spirit of God? Well, he says, I think that I too might have the Spirit of God in addressing these things. Now, the fact is that he has already expressed the fact in the very opening verse that he is called by God to the task of apostleship.

We won't delay there at all. What he is emphasizing for widows is this. First of all, he emphasizes the lifelong permanence of marriage. A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives.

Categorical statement. Marriage is permanent, and it is lifelong. Secondly, he emphasizes complete freedom to remarry after the death of our husband or our wife, with the proviso that that individual, then, whom we marry must belong to the Lord. Oh, but, says somebody, surely a widowed lady or a widower doesn't need that reminder? After all, maybe they're forty, maybe they're fifty, maybe they're sixty. Maybe when they were fifteen or sixteen, they had to have it drummed into them. Now, remember, you shouldn't marry a non-Christian.

It's very, very important, because what fellowship does light have with darkness? Make sure that you only date Christians. Make sure they understood that. But surely not when you're fifty or sixty. Listen, have you ever seen a fifty- or sixty-year-old widower or widower who has begun to miss dreadfully companionship, who has begun to long for friendship, who has grown tired of sleeping in a great big empty bed and walking round in a big empty apartment or house? Do you know the pressure on that individual, how real it is for someone, often in their declining years, because they miss the companionship they once enjoyed so much? Do you know how easy it is for them to marry somebody who isn't a Christian?

Very, very easy. Because the passage of time does not guarantee the development of spiritual maturity. And Paul the realist says, She's free to marry, but don't let her marry anyone who isn't a Christian. He then goes on to address a second group in verse 10. To the married, he says. To the unmarried and the widows, he has said this to say. Now he says, To the married, I give this command. Now, what is he addressing here?

Well, what he's addressing is this. What about the people who, being married and who having committed themselves in marriage for better and for worse, now feel that they don't need or they don't like marriage? Very practical, because every day you meet somebody who has decided that they don't need marriage anymore or they don't like marriage anymore. Or, as you meet them every day, they have made a mistake in getting married at the time at which they got married or that they made a dreadful mistake in the individual whom they married. Or that they believe they could be far more useful to the Lord if they were only single. And I'm sure in the Corinthian context there was a tremendous pressure along these lines. And Paul himself must have had to be very, very careful with his continual emphasis on, I wish that you would remain as I am. So fueling the notion in the minds of some that if only they could be freed from the responsibilities of marriage, which they had, yes, committed themselves to, if only they could be done with that, now they might be the kind of Christian that they really wanted to be. Now, you will notice that Paul emphasizes his instruction in pointing out that in this issue he does not simply speak on his own, but that he is addressing an issue where there is revelation which has come from Jesus Christ himself.

All right? Jesus himself had given specific instructions concerning these things. Jesus is the one who, in Matthew 19, had quoted from Genesis chapter 2, For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother, and the two will become one flesh. He had quoted that to the Pharisees in Matthew chapter 19. Also, he made it perfectly plain, and Mark records it for us in chapter 10 and verses 9 and 11. The words of Jesus himself, Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. And when they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery. Now, you don't have to be a genius to understand what is being said there. Very straightforward. A categorical statement, which Paul now picks up on and makes the exact same statement.

You will notice what he says. To the married I give this command, not I but the Lord, he says, a wife must not separate from her husband. If she is disobedient to the command of the Lord, then she has two options. Remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

In other words, he's saying it cuts both ways. Now, when you take these verses in 1 Corinthians 7 and the verses in Mark chapter 10, you will notice what we find again and again, that the commitment to marriage by a man and a woman is for life, it is underwritten by God, and it is not to be tampered with by human beings. The bottom line for anybody considering the possibility of divorce is this, don't consider it. That's what he's saying. Divorce is out of bounds. Don't entertain it as a possibility.

If you find yourself in difficulty as a couple, commit yourself to the marriage in the firm belief that God is well able to rekindle lost passion, to restore lost desires, and to renew lost affections. That's what he's saying here in 1 Corinthians 7, is it not? That's what he's saying.

And we're not considering any exception clauses at the moment. This is what he is saying here. As they heard it read for the first time, in their fornicating society, how it must have pinned their ears back against their heads.

Can he really be saying what he's saying? You mean, we're stuck like this, and the only option is reconciliation or celibacy? Exactly, says Paul.

Those are your options. Matthew chapter 19. Jesus, in addressing the subject of divorce and remarriage, qualifies the categorical statement from which we just read in Mark chapter 10. Same issue—the question of the folks concerning divorce.

Jesus telling them that Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard, but it was not this way from the beginning. And then he says, Matthew 19.9, I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery. Now, there is an exception phrase in the middle of it all. Notice. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for marital unfaithfulness and marries another woman commits adultery.

Okay? So we know that that exception clause is in there. We know that Jesus said that, and we know that Paul is not standing against that. We have, however, to ask the question, why does Paul not introduce this exception clause in making this statement here in 1 Corinthians 7? I think that the most plausible explanation would seem to be that the background of these people was so filled with fornication and sin that if he had said to them, without the opportunity to sit face to face with them as individuals, if any of you have got any fornication in your lives anywhere, you can all get divorced, about eighty-five percent of the church would have had grounds to go and get divorced. And therefore, a lot of good marriages would have been ruined as a result of believers plumbing for the exception clause without ever needing it nor necessarily even wanting it.

Listen to me quote—give me a quote on this. The Christians at Corinth were not so firmly rooted in the reality of regeneration and renewal in the Holy Spirit as to give them the stability required to deal with a partner who raked up a murky past after a bitter domestic feud one difficult evening after a bad week at the office. If Paul, recognizing that people came from that background, were to give them the notion that because of unfaithfulness at any point in life, divorce was possible or even inevitable, many of them, because of the context from which they had come, would presumably have gone ahead and got divorced, especially if you add to it the notion that there were people going around suggesting that singleness was the only way to be a real Christian.

So it was a perfect out for somebody. And that, I think, is the most plausible explanation as to why it is that Paul does not apply the exception at this point. Now, you will notice that this instruction is radical, and it is vital that we absorb it and that we apply it and that we resist the tidal weight of relativistic thinking in relation to these matters. I'm so discouraged with the emphasis on family values.

I'm so sick and tired of this claptrap. Family values can only be understood in the light of God's plan for the family—one mom and one dad, living together in monogamous faithfulness to one another. Family values negate categorically homosexual or lesbian marriages. Family values stand against the tidal wave of divorce and fracture and destruction. And so, unless we're prepared to talk about family values in the way that God said family values are to be addressed, why don't we just cash in our chips on the phrase and move on to something else we don't know anything about?

It is a sad and sorry state of affairs. As we consider the Bible's instruction concerning marriage and divorce, it may sound radical, but it's clear. You're listening to Truth for Life with Alistair Begg. If you're finding our current series on marriage helpful, you'll want to add to it with a book that comes highly recommended from Alistair. It's a book he wrote the foreword to. It's titled Gospel-Shaped Marriage—Grace for Sinners to Love Like Saints. This is a book that helps Christian couples view marriage from a gospel perspective. In the book, you'll learn how marriage is designed to picture Christ's relationship to the church. Jesus calls us as husbands and wives to love each other, and he gives us the grace necessary to enable us to do so. Learn how to reflect your faith through a loving, joyful, God-honoring marriage as you read the book Gospel-Shaped Marriage. The book is yours by request today when you give a donation to support the teaching on Truth for Life.

You can tap the image on the mobile app or visit truthforlife.org slash donate. By the way, when you are browsing through our online store, don't forget to purchase your copy of the New City Catechism. The Catechism is a collection of 52 questions and answers that teach and affirm core Christian beliefs. In fact, Alistair has been leading the congregation at Parkside Church through the New City Catechism this year Sunday by Sunday. The Catechism comes in a flipbook format. It sits easily on your desk or your kitchen counter, and the format makes it convenient for you to reflect on important truths throughout your day. Each question includes an abbreviated children's answer, so this can be a resource you share with the whole family. Look for the New City Catechism at truthforlife.org slash store.

I'm Bob Mopeen. Thanks for joining us today. Be sure to listen tomorrow when we'll hear the conclusion of today's message and discover the three biblical reasons why a person may remarry. The Bible teaching of Alistair Begg is furnished by Truth for Life, where the Learning is for Living.