Being a Wife God’s Way (Part 2 of 2)

Can true beauty co-exist with wrinkles?

The popularity of anti-aging secrets or the abundance of wrinkle-fighting creams lining store shelves would suggest that the answer is a hard no. But today on Truth for Life, Alistair Begg redefines beauty according to a biblical standard. Mutuality within marriage, says the Bible, does not negate the place of submission.

Now, let me illustrate that for you in one final reference. First Corinthians 11.3. First Corinthians 11.3, concerning Jesus. Now, I want you to realize, says Paul, that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

Now, does anything strike you about that for a moment? The last phrase, the head of Christ is God. Christ, who is coequal with the Father in all respects, submits from all of eternity to do the Father's will—not because he is inferior to the Father, but because it is vital and necessary for the purposes of God to be worked out from all of eternity into time that Jesus delight to do the Father's will.

His mutuality is without question, and his submission to the Father is absolutely plain. Now, the point of all of that is simply this—that that is the exact picture that is the same kind of structure which is written into the fabric of marriage. The husband and wife are equal before God—now, hold on—but in order for the family to function in harmony, the woman, with no loss of dignity, takes the place of submission to the headship of her husband in the same way as Christ, with no loss of dignity, took the place of submission to the headship of his heavenly Father. Now, when we understand that, we can stop all the silly stuff God's purpose is. God's perfect design for a family is such that he has made it that the woman's tenderness and her gentleness are to dovetail with the husband's strength in leadership.

Now, that is another message to which we're going to come. Because what about the wimpy husband factor? What about the husbands who've never led from day one? What about the abrogation of leadership within the homes on the parts of men? What about these crazy characters who don't know whether to put brown shoes on or black shoes on and walk around with one brown and one black, if that was necessary? Useless individuals.

Useless to their children, useless to their wives, useless characters. And how does a wife then make sense of the first six verses of 1 Peter 3 if she happens to be living in a home with a husband who has never submitted himself to his responsibility under God in leadership? But ladies, we've got to go six verses for you and then one for the men. And that was what Peter did. I don't think we ought to read a great deal into that except what is there.

All right? Now, the principle in 1a, submission to the husband, is then followed by the possibility in 1b and in verse 2. Wives in the same way be submissive to your husband, so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without talk by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. The scenario would seem to be very clear, that here's a pagan family, and as a result of the ministry of the gospel, the wife has come to faith in Jesus. So the wife now is living within the family unit with a husband who actually, apart from simply being indifferent to the truth of the gospel, may be aggressively in opposition to it.

Indeed, the phraseology in the original seems to suggest that. Now, given that the wife was ordinarily supposed to take on the religion of her husband, she immediately had a problem. What is to be done? It is this practical question which Peter addresses.

This is right where his readers live their lives. What is a wife to do? The missionary impact of the Christian wife on a non-Christian husband is not going to come, says Peter, through the ears—note this—but through the eyes. The wife must resist the temptation to be constantly about the business of conveying her newfound belief to her husband through Ear Gate. The wife's responsibility is not to ensure that her husband hears what she believes, but it is to make sure that her husband sees how she behaves.

Now, it's relatively easy for us to let people hear what we believe, and it's difficult for them to see how we behave. How is she to behave? She's to be marked by two things. One, by purity in character and in conduct, and by reverence. Go back through the first two chapters, you'll find reverence for God mentioned in chapter 1 verse 17, chapter 2 verse 17. The reverence for God is going to display itself in her submission within the home. Now, notice, he says this won't take place in a vacuum. And the progression of his thinking seems to me, at least, that when he says, The behavior of the wise will be marked in purity and in reverence. What does that mean, Peter?

I mean, how is this going to display itself? Then he immediately goes on to speak about a lady's beauty as well as a lady's behavior. Before she was converted, the wife had the normal preoccupations of the pagan world. But now, because of a transformation which is taken within, she has a whole new approach to life. And the husband sees an outward change in his wife as a result of an inward transformation which he cannot see. And in verses 3 and 4, the contrasts are very clear—between the outward and the inward, between beauty which is stuck on from the outside and which is produced from the inside, between a loud person and a quiet person, between changing styles of fashion and unfading gems of beauty.

Now, what is he saying? He says, Your beauty should not come from outward adornment. Such as what? Such as braiding your hair, wearing gold jewelry, and fine clothes. Well, what is this, a legalistic ban on a certain style of hair?

So all you ladies sitting out there this morning that had braided your hair before you left, you're immediately clutching up for the back of your head, wondering just where it fits in relation to this? People are slowly slipping bracelets off their wrists, taking them off, slipping them in their purses, hoping they can get out unseen? Any dress that cost over seven dollars and fifty-three cents you're beginning to feel embarrassed about? No. It's not that. If the literal force of Peter's words here are pressed out of context, and you take them literally from the Greek, you can actually make Peter to say that the wearing of clothing itself is prohibited as outward adornment. And that would give a whole new dimension to the idea of a plain Jane, right?

That is not what Peter is saying. If you press—and incidentally, this is an interesting… This is, as an aside, this helps us to understand how we understand and interpret the Bible. If we interpret these verses in a wooden way—wooden, w-o-o-d-e-n, wooden. Wooden!

Okay? In a wooden way. Then we will say that a lady who shaved her head completely bald, apart from one long, straight piece which she dyed emerald green and left hanging down her back, who wore the most enormous silver earrings that swung around her head and kept her kind of in motion, and who wore the most bizarre, inexpensive clothes ever seen—such a lady would be faithfully obeying 1 Peter 3-3. Now, that ridiculous illustration points up what I'm saying.

What is Peter doing here? He is establishing a principle, and he is using an illustration. The principle is timeless.

The illustration is transient. The principle is, a woman's beauty should not be the result of external ostentation. A woman's submission should be displayed in a quiet and gentle way. But so many people down through the ages of the church have built doctrine out of 1 Peter 3-3, and so they go around with their hair all done a certain way, they never wear gold, and they buy their clothes from the Salvation Army, and they think that that is something that is commendable in terms of Scripture. It may be commendable, but it's not as a result of a safe exegesis of 1 Peter 3-3. What is Peter saying? Or what is Peter not saying? He is not saying that there is no place for outward beauty. What he is saying is that outward beauty in such a dormant must always and finally be subservient to the focus of internal beauty.

That's all. Turn with me to John 6, please. John chapter 6 and verse 27.

Here is the same use of language. John 6 27. Jesus said, Do not work for food that spoils but for food that endures to eternal life.

Okay? Now, what is the literal interpretation of that? What is the right explanation of that? It's Jesus there saying, Do not work for food. In other words, do not work to get food so you can eat and sustain your life. And setting that aside, work for another kind of food. No, what is he saying? He's saying, Do not allow your preoccupation with working for the food that sustains your physical existence. Take priority over working for the food that sustains that which leads to eternity.

And that is exactly what Peter is doing here. He's saying, Ladies, don't stick it on from the outside. Produce it from the inside. Don't allow that to be the driving force for you. Now, it seems to me that women are especially bombarded by the mentality of the mall. And I don't mean that to be a kind of male chauvinist statement, because men are, too. But it seems that a lady is susceptible in some way to that just because there is such a gush of it.

Women's magazines are more than men, and they have the design of what is the right thing to wear, what is the right way to do your hair, what is the right kind of woman, whether it's in the business world or in family life, or what you do and where you go. And television commercials have created identikit women. And men, then, are tempted to gauge their wives against these ladies on TV.

Young guys are tempted only to choose ladies who look like the ladies on TV. What are we to do about this, fathers and husbands? One of the things that we need to do is that those of us who've been given daughters need to praise our daughters for inner loveliness. For inner loveliness. Tell them the times that their inner beauty shines. Command them for the lovely things that come from within, that put a smile on their face and grace and bless others.

Not that we turn them into funny little creatures, but that we put the predominant emphasis where Peter puts it here. And we ought to be doing the same with our wives. We're asking the question, as we look at these verses, can true beauty still be blooming along with wrinkles? So much of a husband's ego, it seems to me, is wrapped up in the things that he's able to give to his wife so that she can walk around and be the identikit picture of what the beautiful wife is. And if he cannot provide financially to the degree where she can look like that on the outside, he may be tempted to consider himself a failure.

Peter says, No, no. He says, if husbands, verse 7, are going to be considerate as they live with their wives, that part of the husband's consideration must be to exalt and to command and to bless his wife by encouraging her in relation to who she is and what she is, not in terms of what she has and what she sticks on. That's why in the book of Proverbs, Solomon has so much to say to a young man.

He says, I want you to delight yourself in the wife of your youth. May her breasts always satisfy you. You mean after four children have had their own attack at those breasts that once were marked in a certain way by all the joy of virginity and purity in the early years of life? Yes! You mean even though it may not be the way it is over here and all of this?

Yes! And when husbands begin to get to grips with the radical implications of that, then they will be able to set their wives free from much of the tyranny which comes to them from the outside, leaving them to be suckered into the possibility of believing that Peter's wrong and the world is right. Let your beauty, he says, be that of your inner self, the unfading jewelry of a gentle and a quiet spirit.

Well, what does this mean? Marry somebody who's quiet? Is this simply the imperishable jewel of a gentle and a quiet spirit? Is this just uneasy reserve, or is this affected piety?

No! It's a superficial quality. It's displayed in all kinds of personalities. Some ladies are really funny. They crack you up all the time. And I'm not talking about their clothes now. I mean, they're just funny people. They're outgoing people. They're very demonstrative and everything else. And they might be tempted to believe that they can't have the imperishable jewel of a gentle and a quiet spirit.

Not so. It's not being born naturally shy. It's being so filled with a Spirit of God that, irrespective of who you are as a woman, the way God has made you, when you get right to the essence of it, God is producing in your life qualities that you never had before. You see, paganism despised the individual who didn't take charge. Paganism despised the individual who didn't assert their will, and such is true today. Pagan husbands would probably want their wives to dress up at the office parties in such a way as to make themselves attractive to their pagan business buddies. Hey, dress like this!

What's the wife to say? No, I've got to dress in such a way that displays the imperishable jewel of a gentle and a quiet spirit. You see, there's always all the difference in the world, as John Stott says, between making yourself deliberately attractive and making yourself deliberately seductive. And John Stott says, You women know the difference, and so do we men. And what this says is, there is no place for anything other than the straightforward approach of the Word to these truths. Well, says somebody, do we have any examples? Yeah, we do. We've got a cover girl in verse 5, a model in verse 6. Do you want to be the daughter of Sarah? What do you do? Two things, he says.

Do what is right, and don't be afraid. People say, Be like Sarah who obeyed Abram and called him her master, called him Lord. You look up Genesis 18 and 12, you'll find the reference. It's not that Sarah is walking around going, Oh, Lord, shall I give you orange juice this morning, master?

Hallo, master? No, no. It's not that at all. Genesis 18 and 12, she uses the word under her breath. She uses the word under her breath. She refers to her husband under her breath as her Lord.

It's interesting, because what we say under our breath is often a lot closer to the truth than what we say out loud. So in the quietness of her own heart, she had such a regard for Abram, she said, He's my main man! That's what it is! I love Abram! He's my guy! He's my master! He's my protector!

He's my provider! So you want to be a cover girl in God's sight? You want to grow up as a—you want to be a part of a model agency?

Here it is. The daughters of Sarah, new modeling agency just found in the Cleveland area, invite all ladies who are prepared unreservedly to attempt to obey 1 Peter 3, 1–6. Why does he say, Do not give way to fear? You are her daughters if you do what is right, and do not give way to fear.

I think quite simply, because if you try and do what is right, all hell will be unleashed against you. You try and say this tomorrow and in the various routines of life amongst other women, I think it's pretty fearful to say. So he says, You want to be one of these daughters? Do what's right. Obey the Scriptures. It'll make you an alien and a stranger. You'll look like you have big things growing out of your head. And hey, don't be afraid.

Just don't be afraid. Because God looks after his own. Let me summarize it, and I'll read my notes so that I don't expand on them at all.

This is where I wrote down. Peter is not implying the sexual inferiority of women. The submission which he calls for does not negate the spiritual equality of husband and wife, but rather it is one of function. Every team must have a captain, every home ahead, and God said that responsibility falls to the man.

The characteristic, therefore, most desirable in a good wife is that gentle and quiet spirit which responds with grace to the responsible decisions of her husband. Instead of being tyrannized by the evidences of the aging process and captivated by the changing fashions of the day, she is to focus on that which God prizes most and which he produces to the praise of his glory. These verses are dynamic, and we must help our wives and daughters to discover the joy of bowing beneath their direction and displaying the radical implications of them in a society that is scrambling to find the identity of a real woman and a true wife.

Every effective team has to have a captain. It's important for us to never lose sight of the fact that biblical leadership and submission are a matter of function, not status. You're listening to Alistair Begg on Truth for Life.

Alistair will be back to close with prayer in just a minute. The biblical assignment for husbands and wives is something that has come up against cultural rejection for decades. If you'd like to learn more about God's design for husbands and wives, Alistair has devoted a chapter to each role in his book, Lasting Love, How to Avoid Marital Failure. As you read this book, you will discover that embracing the roles God has designed for husbands and wives will offer you freedom and joy and mutual respect, along with a lasting, loving marriage. Now this is the last day for you to request your copy of this book, so if you haven't already made a donation and requested the book, you can tap the book image you see in the mobile app or visit us online at truthforlife.org slash donate.

Or if you'd prefer, you can call us at 888-588-7884. When you browse the online store, you'll find many Bible teaching materials that are great to share, and today we're recommending a resource that's perfect for giving to others who want to learn core Christian beliefs. It's called the New City Catechism. This is a collection of 52 questions and answers that teach the foundations of the Christian faith. There are questions and answers about God, about Jesus, about salvation, about the church, all of them designed to communicate important biblical truths. The Catechism comes to you in a convenient flip book format that presents one question and answer for each week of the year.

It can sit easily on a tabletop or a desktop so the information can be reflected on throughout the day. You'll find the New City Catechism at truthforlife.org slash store. It's available to you at our cost of six dollars, and in the U.S. the shipping is free. Now here is Alistair to close with prayer. Father God, these verses are actually where we live our lives, all of us, and we need so much your help to discern your truth and to obey your instruction. I pray with thanksgiving for the wives that are part of our congregation here, and I pray, Lord, that you will enable them to do what is right and not to be afraid. I ask that this week you will give them opportunities to display something of the revolutionary truth and impact of this word. For if it's your word and you made us, then it's got to be right.

And even those who march to another drum beat need to hear this instruction. May we turn our eyes on Jesus. May your word take root in our lives, for Jesus' sake. Amen.

I'm Bob Lapine. We are glad you joined us today. We've been looking at God's design for wives, but tomorrow we'll turn our attention to husbands. We'll find out what a Christian husband should know and why that should affect the way he treats his wife. The Bible teaching of Alistair Begg is furnished by Truth for Life, where the Learning is for Living.