Displaying Your Design

Music Playing It is not a popular idea, but today on Truth for Life we'll learn why genuine biblical submission isn't something to be feared or demanded or resented. Alistair Begg takes us to scripture to help us see how women can display the unique design God gave them and train younger women to do the same.

Music Playing I'll tell you what, if you put your finger in Titus and also in 1 Peter 3, then you'll be ready for action. Alright, 1 Peter 3, you will see if you have the Bible that it's got a heading there, wives and husbands. And there's only one verse given to the husbands, it's verse 7. It's a really heavy duty verse, though you should be considered as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner. That doesn't mean the inferior partner, it just means that constitutionally God has given this protective responsibility to the husband and the purposes of God.

We are supposed to step up and exercise some kind of umbrella care for our wives as heirs with us together of the precious gift of life. We're absolutely equal before God, we're heirs together of the grace of life. And our partnership in the gospel is not confused in any way by the fact that God has entrusted in our oneness the responsibility of leadership to the man and the responsibility of submission to the wife. The fact that God the Father is over Christ and that Christ submits to God the Father and that the Spirit submits to God the Son in no way is expressive of any sense of inferiority.

Every part of the Trinity, every member of the Trinity is co-equal and co-eternal. And the role that is exercised by Christ is exercised out of a sense of God-ordained submission within the framework of the Father's headship. And in the same way, the lady is to function in such a fashion so as to have an impact within the family framework. The picture that is in mind here is clearly one in which the husband is an unbeliever. And the question that Peter is addressing is that very practical question. If you have perhaps become a Christian and your husband hasn't, and you're living now within the framework of the home, what is to be done? And the answer that Peter gives here is that the impact is going to come not through your husband's ears, but through your husband's eyes. The responsibility that is entrusted to the wife is not to ensure that her husband hears what she believes, but that he sees how she behaves.

And how will this then be shown? Well, first of all, he says, you can win them over without talk by their behavior. So let them see your behavior.

What? Your purity. Your purity and the reverence of your lives. The contrasts are between the outward and the inward, between that which is externally attached and that which is internally produced, between that which is loud and that which is quiet, between changing styles and unfading beauty. And so he says, I want to tell you that your beauty shouldn't come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be the inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and a quiet spirit. What is being proposed here is simply the important distinction that is so necessary in our culture as it was in his.

The constant bombardment of a world that says, if your hair is like this, your jewelry is like that, your clothes are like this, and so on, then you have the potential for this, and there is a great opportunity for enslavement. Instead, says Peter, I don't think that that is the plan for you. And if a mother models this, then the daughters can follow it. If she doesn't, then the daughters will largely do the same.

I mean, just look around you. If, you know, if a mother has any measure of impact on her children, then her girls will become like her. There is a great potential just for the copycat syndrome, and therefore the impact is not simply the impact that comes from the wife to the husband, but it's the impact that comes from the wife to the child, and it's the impact that comes from the wife to the community. And so this picture of inner loveliness as opposed to some kind of cosmetic, externalized, manufactured beauty. So much of a husband's ego is wrapped up in what his wife puts on display, and often he buys things for his wife, not because he really is so phenomenally pleased for her to have them, but because he actually gets vicarious pleasure out of knowing she has them and knowing that when people see that she has them, it reflects upon him as the great provider, you see.

And Peter says you need to resist all of that. And husbands are supposed to nurture their wives in such a way that wives will value the priceless jewelry of an unfading beauty and of a gentle and a quiet spirit. It's actually a supernatural quality that is cultivated in all kinds of personalities. So somebody may be very extrovert, but they possess the imperishable jewel of a gentle and a quiet spirit. Somebody else may be far more introverted, but the same thing comes through. It's a quality, it's a supernatural quality, it's a spirit-ordained thing that God manufactures and produces.

It is nurtured and helped along the line by the way in which a woman thinks about herself and the way in which she deports herself and in the way in which she actually frames her whole external personae. Do your grandchildren look at your rings, your granddaughters? Do they ever sit with you in the car, grandma, and say, what are you going to do with that bracelet? Or do they ever just say stuff like, you know, I really, really like that ring that you have.

Can I try that on? And already, if you have more than three or four and more than three or four grandchildren in your mind without any morbid way, you've already earmarked some of them. You know that she likes that particular stone, and you've already made provision for that, and that's nice.

But you know the best jewelry you can leave to your grandchildren, the most precious jewel that you can pass on down the heritage line, is the jewel of a gentle and a quiet spirit, not always moaning and groaning at grandpa. Every time I go to grandpa's house, grandma's always bugging him. She's always saying, nah. She's always giving him this poor old grandpa. He just goes out and smokes just to get away from her.

He doesn't even like smoking, but he smokes. Well, sure, she'll get your amethyst, but she's also got your nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh. That's a bad memory. Cut it out, wives. Gravity takes over, right?

And you can only hang stuff on stuff for so long. So, this is very practical wisdom, isn't it? This one will stay with you right through the imperishable jewel of a gentle and quiet spirit. Do what's right.

In other words, do what the Scriptures say. Don't give way to fear. What kind of fear?

The fear of people saying, Oh, you're such a wimpy wife. You ought to be more aggressive. You ought to stand up. You ought to do this.

You ought to do that. No, don't be tyrannized by that, or by the evidences of the aging process, or captivated by the changing fashions of the day. This jewelry looks really good on wrinkles. This jewelry goes really well with compassionate eyes and an understanding heart. And you know, ladies, there isn't anything you wouldn't trade for a husband who would love you the way Christ loved the church.

You'd go without jewelry for the rest of your life, wouldn't you? And a husband, too, is going to benefit greatly, not from the nagging, persistent preaching of his wife, but by her purity, by her reverence, by her unfading, gentle beauty. Teach what is in accord with sound doctrine, Titus 2. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, sound in the faith, in love and in endurance. And likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live. When they get a grip of that, then they can teach the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, to be subject to their husbands, so that nobody will malign the Word of God.

There are probably no more inflammatory words than these in this age of feminist activism. If ever there was a place for a young woman to wrestle with the exhortation of Romans 12, as paraphrased by Phillips, and let the world around you squeeze you into its own mold, it surely is in this realm here. And so the teaching that is supposed to take place, kallodidaskalos, the word in Greek, doesn't refer to formal instruction. It rather refers to the advice and encouragement that women can give primarily within the framework of the home and by example. That is not to say that women do not have a posture in teaching in a more formalized classroom context.

What is being emphasized is the way in which the older women—and if you are 24 and you're dealing with a 14-year-old, you fit the older woman category. You are on the receiving end on part, you are on the giving end on the other part. And what's supposed to be happening is that within the framework of the home, there is to be teaching going on.

This happens, I think, more by default than by design, but if it's not happening by default, then it would be good to put a little design into it. What will the package look like? What are the elements in this training program, in this apprenticeship?

Well, first of all, they're to teach, train, teach, train the younger women to love their husbands. Philandros. Andros is the man. Philao is to love.

Philandros. Doesn't that immediately seem incongruous? Now, why don't you come over to my house this evening, and at eight o'clock, says the older lady, I'm going to give you a little training program on loving your husband. I love my husband? That just comes naturally.

I just love him. Well, we understand the love that is the sort of emergence of our emotions, but there is also a love which is the servant of our wills. And the emotion thing can only carry you so long.

Unless your love for your husband is a servant of your will, then it's going to be a significant problem. And the question honestly is, and some have asked the question, and not in the same terminology, but largely so, how do you love someone who leaves before breakfast, returns after dinner, falls asleep before bedtime? How do you love someone who is far quieter, far louder, far stingier than I ever imagined? How do you love someone who, when something goes bump in the middle of the night, nudges you and says, would you please go downstairs and see what that is?

Well, there's not a book in the bookstore to help you with that. You need someone that's been there, said, yeah, I've got one just like that. I have the same model.

I've got the exact same thing. You do? You mean he's like that? You mean he ever said that?

You mean he left that there? Oh, this is the best day of my life. You see, if you don't interact with the others, if you don't hang with them, rub with them, share with them, talk with them, this is where the training program takes place. Secondly, and they're going to train you, we're going to train or be trained, not only to love our husbands, but to love our children. Oh, there's no need for that, is there? After all, I'm sitting here, you say to yourself, just thinking of those adorable little bundles, just thinking of my husband going insane with them right now, thinking if there's a way that we can go to Starbucks when we leave here till at least seven o'clock, thinking if there's any possibility of a couple of other sessions, ad hoc sessions, anything that'll keep me away from those fiendish, adorable little creatures to which I must return. So in the middle of ironing, washing, cleaning, feeding, screaming, opening our lives to somebody who's just a little bit behind us or beside us on the journey, you'll be amazed what it will be. I actually think, frankly, if you put a thing in the bulletin that said, any lady that wants to do it said, you know, if you are under the age of X and you want to come over to my house on Tuesdays and Thursdays for an hour between such and such, just to sit on the couch, hang with me, sit at the kitchen table, ask me any question you want, just sign this list. I tell you, you get a list longer than your arm because the assumption is that this is happening. It's not happening.

It happens intermittently, but it doesn't really happen, happen, and even mothers are not doing it with their children. I'm sorry, I checked my day timer and we'll be gone from such and so, but do tell little Jeremy that I send my best to him and I put a little box together for him, to which the mother of little Jeremy wants to say to her mother, I'm going to put a little box together for you, one that will fit you. She would never say that. Only a cruel person like you would say that.

Hell yeah, that's fine. You never have those kind of thoughts? I wish I was just as holy as all of you. Third, self-controlled. Self-controlled. A necessary requirement, not exclusive to younger women, but it shouldn't be overlooked.

A vital requirement for every practical wife and mother. Self-controlled in terms of eating, television watching, sleeping, planning, cooking, organizing, and so on. Self-controlled. It's part of the fruit of the Spirit. So doesn't it just come? The Spirit promises it to us, but He uses means of grace. Somebody help us to be self-controlled.

Some of us can have, well, we'll just leave it alone. Self-controlled. Fourthly, pure. Pure. Purity is a choice, not a gift. Purity is the product of planning. You plan to be pure, or you plan to be impure. Purity is a result of saying yes to what we should say yes to and no to what we should say no to. Purity demands the scrupulous avoidance of immorality in thinking, reading, viewing, and acting.

Purity is a choice, not a feeling. You plan for it. Incidentally, if we don't, then when the evil day comes, we're dead ducks. And let me tell you what the evil day is. The evil day is when temptation, desire, and opportunity meet each other. Because in the providence of God, sometimes temptations have no opportunity. In the providence of God, sometimes opportunities are not met with desire. But it's an evil day when temptation, desire, and opportunity come walking up the garden path. Then, you see, the purity of life is what keeps us busy at home. We say, Oh, don't start me on that right now. I've been enjoying today.

Busy at home. Does that involve sacrifice? Sure. Does it bring rebuke? Certainly. Does it challenge the culture?

Without doubt. No amount of government money thrown in the direction of daycare centers can compensate for the tragic absenteeism on the part of mothers from the place of their calling. I'm not talking about single moms. I'm not talking about the pressure that demands that of us.

I'm not talking about that at all. I'm talking about sitting down and making the choice. Choosing to expend all of that nervous energy, all of that physical force out there, because apparently digging around in somebody's mouth as a dental hygienist allows you to go to the mall and say, Well, yes, I'm a dental hygienist. Well, frankly, good for you. You can't go and say, Well, I'm a stay-at-home mom and I'm looking after these guys. Is that all you do?

Well, clearly, Fanny, you've never done it, because if you had, you wouldn't be asking, Is that all you do? Finally, kind. Training them to be kind.

Interesting word, isn't it? It's interesting that kindness comes after keepers at home, doesn't it? Teach them how to stay at home and do the job, and then you better actually teach them how to be kind. Yeah, because if they stay home, then the danger of growing irritable, cruel, downright vindictive is quite large. Therefore, a little segment on kindness is probably going to fit in very nicely.

And finally, subject to their husbands. What does that mean? Whatever you work it out to mean. It certainly doesn't mean ordering people around.

It just means that every team has to have a captain. Someone has to know on the airliner who the final thing rests with. Someone has to know within the framework of the home and the family where does this eventually hit dead center. And God says, Here's the deal. I've given to the man priority, which does not equal superiority, it equals responsibility.

And I'm going to hold him to accountability for the way in which he has exercised his role in the framework of that, and I'm going to hold the wife accountable for the way in which she has responded to the privileges and opportunities that are hers. You know what strikes me more than anything else? I'm listening to myself and I'm saying, you know, who can do this?

It's such a chronicle of despair, isn't it? Come on now, folks, let's be better. Let's do better. Let's be better wives. Let's be better husbands. Let's be better everyone.

Let's see if we can get up the ladder here and tip the scales in our favor. What do we know? We know at our best we're unprofitable servants. We know at our best we're not particularly good husbands. We're not brilliant wives.

We're okay moms, and we're not very good dads. And you know what the whole journey is about? From beginning to the very end, it's about grace.

It's about the fact that God in his grace and in his mercy comes again and again and again, and he gives to us what we don't deserve and he keeps back from us what we do deserve. And he says, come on, my grace is sufficient for you. You can do this because my strength is made perfect in weakness. So if you say to yourself going out the door, oh golly, I do feel very weak. I feel inadequate. Then that's good.

That's actually a great start. Because if dependence upon God is the objective, then weakness is an advantage. That is Alistair Begg on Truth for Life with the final message in a series titled God's Design for Women. As you listen to this series, you probably noticed there is a sharp contrast between God's design for women and what we see in society today. If you'd like to continue studying what the Bible has to say about God's purpose for women, we want to recommend to you a book titled God and Women.

You can request it when you make a donation of any amount online at truthforlife.org slash donate. As you know, if you've listened to Truth for Life for very long, our mission here is to teach the Bible with clarity and relevance so that unbelievers are converted, believers are established, and local churches are strengthened. One of our goals is to encourage and equip pastors for the work of the gospel. So if you lead a local church or you're working with young men who are pursuing a career as a pastor, we want to encourage you to check out the four module online study called The Basics of Pastoral Ministry. This is a collection of 30 sermons and lectures from Alistair that draw on his experience leading a congregation for more than 40 years. All four modules and the corresponding study guides are completely free at truthforlife.org. Just search for The Basics of Pastoral Ministry. I'm Bob Lapine. Join us tomorrow for a special message. We'll learn why Jesus has to be about his father's business, even on Mother's Day. The Bible teaching of Alistair Begg is furnished by Truth for Life, where the Learning is for Living.