Today on the verdict with Pastor John Monroe. Don't look to Hollywood for the ideal marriage. Look to the biblical pattern. Here are principles which will be helpful for any one of us preparing for marriage, and also principles if we trust God and obey them, which will strengthen your marriage and mine. Principles, in fact, which will help all of us to live a life which pleases God.
Welcome to the verdict, featuring the Bible teaching of Pastor John Monroe. Whether you're hoping to be married, newly married, or celebrating a golden anniversary. Followers of Christ find the foundation for marriage not in our culture but in the truth of God's Word. Today, Pastor John Monroe shares some very practical and very valuable principles for marriage from our continuing study in the Book of Ruth. Here's Pastor John Monroe.
We've been studying one of the small books in the Old Testament, the Book of Ruth. It tells an extraordinary and fascinating story of a young widow. Who leaves her home in Moab and travels to Bethlehem in a dramatic act of faith? In this very difficult setting, she exhibits a tremendous faith in God and trusts Him to guide her in this amazing adventure. We see how the Lord provides for her.
There's even a marriage proposal. Haven't you been encouraged as you've seen the Lord at work in her life? Yesterday, we began to learn from the last verses of Ruth chapter 3 some very important principles for marriage. Let's continue to look at these principles, which are helpful not only for our marriages, but for our relationships and for life itself.
Now let's read. Rose Chapter 3 And we're going to read from verse I'm reading from the New American Standard Version. Then he, Boaz, said, May you be blessed of the Lord, my daughter. We saw last week that Ruth has in effect proposed marriage. You have shown your last kindness to be better than the first by not going after young men, whether poor or rich.
And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you whatever you ask. For all my people in the city know that you are a woman of excellence. And now it is true, I am a close relative.
However, there is a relative closer than I. Remain this night, and when morning comes, if he will redeem you good, let him redeem you. But if he does not wish to redeem you, then I will redeem you. As the Lord lives, lie down. until morning.
So she lay at his feet until morning, and rose before one could recognise another. And he said, Let it not be known that the woman came to the threshing floor. Again he said, Give me the cloak that is on you, and hold it.
So she held it, and he measured six measures of barley, and laid it on her. Then she went into the city. And when she came to her mother-in-law, that's Naomi, she said, How did it go, my daughter? And she told her all that a man had done for her. And she said, These six measures of barley he gave to me, for he said, Do not go to your mother-in-law empty-handed.
Then she said, Wait, my daughter, until you know how the matter turns out. For the man will not rest. Until he has settled it. Today. An amazing story of God's grace, of God's leading, of God's provision.
The first principle we see in the first part of verse 10, which is pray for God's blessing. Principle one, pray for God's blessing. The first thing that Boaz says is: May you, Ruth, be blessed of the Lord, my daughter. When Boas hears Ruth's marriage proposal, he immediately prays for God's blessing to be on Ruth. Of all of the things that he could have said, he first prayed.
For the Lord's blessing, on this young widow. From Moab. That is very significant, isn't it? His first concern is for the spiritual welfare of Ruth, his future wife. What a tremendous way to begin an engagement.
Pray for God's blessing. The second principle is keep your promises. Verse 11, and now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you whatever you ask. Boas promises Ruth that he will do for her whatever she asks.
There is no need for Ruth then to fear or to panic. Boaz is going to follow through with his promises and his commitments. He's not going to exploit Ruth or manipulate her or humiliate her. Boas is a man of his word who keeps His promises. Keep.
Keep. your promises. Number three, grow in godliness. The end of verse eleven. For all my people in the city know Boas is talking to Ruth that you are a woman of excellence.
What a reputation to have. In the short time that Ruth has been in Bethlehem, she has gained this reputation of being a woman of excellence. That is, of spiritual strength. Her kindness, her loyalty, her godliness are evident to everyone. This Hebrew word translated excellence, noble character in the NIV, is used of the ideal woman in Proverbs 12, verse 4, for example.
An excellent woman is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones. It's also used in Proverbs 19, verse 4. A prudent wife, that is an excellent wife, a wife of noble character is from the Lord. Proverbs 31 verse 10, an excellent wife, same word, who can find for her worth is far above jewels. Boaz, this godly man, recognizes in Ruth that here is a woman of deep, noble character, a woman who is trustworthy, a woman who is excellent spiritually speaking, and she is worth much more.
than jewels. And his interaction with his servants, as we saw in chapter 2, and Boas's treatment of Ruth, show that he is also a man. of excellence. In fact, the same word is used of him in chapter two, verse one. Here is principle number four: wait on the Lord.
In verses 12 and 13.
Now it is true, Boas is saying, I am a close relative.
However, there is a relative closer than I. Remain this night, and when morning comes, if he will redeem you, good, let him redeem you. But if he does not wish to redeem you, then I will redeem you as the Lord lives. Lie until this morning. Clearly, Boas is very excited at the prospect of marrying Ruth, but he acknowledges there's a problem.
While he is a close relative, there is, in fact, a relative closer to Naomi and Ruth. There is another individual who can act as a kinsman, redeemer, a Goel, that we thought of last week. And that individual has priority over Boas. But Boz is already anticipating what may happen. He invites Ruth to spend the remainder of the night at the threshing floor.
When morning comes, he'll attend to the matter. He'll take care of it. She's to trust him. If this other kinsman redeemer redeems Ruth, so be it. If he doesn't, Bos promises to redeem her.
He calls God as his witness. He's not going to manipulate the process. He's not going to panic. He's going to do the right thing at the right time in the right way. He's a man who's at peace with himself.
He's not acting impulsively or emotionally. He trustingly waits on the Lord. How important that is in marriage to wait On the Lord. Ruth's trust is also in the Lord. She has followed Naomi's directions.
She has made it known she's willing to be the wife of Boas. She continues to shelter under the wings of the Lord. And with trust. She waits. On the Lord.
Are you trusting in the sovereignty and providence of God in preparing for your marriage? In our marriages, in living the Christian life, there are often difficulties, trials, problems and disappointments and obstacles, as we heard in the testimony. Things beyond our control come in. How are we going to respond? Boaz and Ruth neither know how the nearer kinsmen will act, but they are trusting the Lord, they are leaving matters in his hands, knowing that God will take care of them.
whatever happens. What's your response when setbacks, obstacles, and hardships come into your relationships? and life as inevitably they do. How do you react when your plans are frustrated and where your dreams look as if they're going to be shattered? How do you respond?
Do you panic, worry, fret, complain? Or do you trustingly wait on the Lord confident? That he will take care of you. J. I.
Packer writes, What matters supremely, therefore, is not in the last analysis the fact that I know God, but the larger fact which underlies it, the fact that He knows me. I am graven on the palms of His hands. I am never out of his mind. All of my knowledge of him depends on his sustained initiative in knowing me. I know him because he first knew me and continues to know me.
He knows me as a friend, one who loves me, and there is no moment when his eye is off me or his attention distracted from me, and no moment, therefore, when his care falters. Isn't that well put? even those that are very close to us. our spouses, our children. Our friends, we are sometimes distracted.
We're sometimes insensitive. We're certainly unaware of things that go on. Never so with the Lord. His eye is always on you. Wait on the Lord.
Number five, exercise self-control. Verse 14, so she laid his feet until morning and rose before one could recognize another. And he said, Let it be known that the woman came to the threshing floor. Exercise self-control. Here is a couple in the threshing floor all night, but the exercise self-control.
Control. Boaz directs Ruth as to how she's to act in this potentially embarrassing situation. They've done nothing wrong, but they're aware that some people in Bethlehem, like some people in Charlotte, love to gossip. Love to spread rumours, love to talk behind people's back and make false accusations.
Some people, usually with serious problems themselves, quickly believe the worst about people, particularly in sexual matters. And you could imagine the whispers in Bethlehem, what are Boys and Ruth up to? Shouldn't they be keeping away from the very appearance of evil?
So Boas very wisely and prudently makes sure that Ruth leaves the threshing floor to go back to Naomi's house before other people are awakened in the morning. They've done nothing wrong, they exercise self-control, but they minimize the opportunity for any gossip which could reflect negatively on their blameless reputations. How wise. Self-control, need I remind you, is essential in preparing for marriage and in marriage. We live in a society which knows very, very little about self.
Control. Everything nowadays is in your face. I will do what I want. It's none of your business. If it feels good, do it.
But Boz and Ruth are not crass people. They're people of dignity, they're people of excellence, of honour, of self-control, not of instant gratification. And the best preparation for self control when you are married is self control before marriage. Scripture condemns all sexual activity apart from within the holy covenant of marriage of one man and one woman. A healthy sexual relationship within marriage is dependent on self control.
It is not surprising, therefore, that there is so much sexual dysfunction and insecurity in marriage when couples do not exercise. Self-control. before marriage and during marriage. Singles. exercise self.
Control. Marriage? exercise self-control. Singles again exercise self-control. Students exercise self-control.
Widows and widowers exercise self-control. Part of the fruit of the Spirit, of being led by the Spirit, is self. When Ruth goes back to Naomi, verse 16, she told her all that the man had done for her. Naomi probably had been awake all night wondering how things were going in the threshing floor. But there's no need for Ruth, did you notice that, to conceal any part of the events from Naomi, her mother-in-law?
Ruth and Boas act honourably in their whole relationship. It's characterized by godliness, integrity and self-control. Ladies, if you're out on a date and are ashamed to tell your mother or a godly friend of something that transpired between you and the man. there may be something wrong. Never do anything.
which results in shame or loss of respect for yourself or for the other person. The Ruth does not operate in the shadows. She is not a secretive person. She is a person of excellence, a woman of self control. Follow her example.
Exercise self-control. The final principle is in verse fifteen: be generous and thoughtful. Be generous and thoughtful. In chapter two, we saw that Boaz was a man of lavish grace and generosity. He had provided for Ruth as she gleaned.
Now when she leaves the threshing floor, he measures for her do you notice this in verse fifteen six measures of barley into her cloak. Ruth was to take this home. Turn the yellow me. The days of emptiness of famine For Ruth and Naomi are now over. Quite an original engagement present, wasn't it?
Ladies, when you're engaged, you probably don't want six measures of barley. You may prefer a little rock or a big rock, a diamond. But in that culture, a generous bounty of food was a very practical gift. Remember, there had been famine for years. And it was particularly appropriate for a Naomi.
Notice what Boaz says in verse seventeen don't go to your mother-in-law empty handed. How thoughtful of Boas. When Naomi had returned from Moab to Bethlehem, Chapter 1, verse 21 should come back what? empty.
Now her emptiness is turning to fullness. Her sadness is turning to joy. God. Is it work? And God is watching over Ruth.
And you may. This gift obviously is a tangible sign from Boaz to Naomi that he will carry through with the promises he's made to Ruth. The barley is a sign of commitment, just as in our culture an engagement ring is a sign of commitment. Boas is a man who is thoughtful, he is kind, he is generous. Naomi understands now that Boaz will take the necessary action regarding the redemption.
She tells Ruth, verse 18, to relax. Boaz will take action later in the day. As we're going to see next week. Naomi, you see, is confident. That the Lord Is that work?
Now I mention this quality of generosity not because I'm suggesting that men necessarily buy huge rings for their fiancées. I certainly didn't. The engagement ring I bought my wife was tiny, so don't ask her to see it. You might miss it. Um But when you look at that tiny engagement ring that Goodney occasionally wears, Um Just remember that I put a 25% deposit on the house I bought for my bride.
And I didn't borrow to pay for the ring. Scotsmen may not be the most romantic of people, but we're very practical when it comes to finances. The point is that all of us are to be generous. and thoughtful to those in need. I find it very interesting.
Verse seventeen, that the barley is for Naomi. You see some engaged couples and some married couples. are so wrapped up in their tiny little lives that they don't think of others. We who receive God's grace are to be the most generous and the most gracious of people. A poor, destitute woman, widow, Naomi, receives generosity from Boas.
She is no longer now empty. Be generous. And be thoughtful. and be kind In your relationships. As I've said, as I read the responses from the children last week, and I only read a few.
Many of them. said that they wanted to marry someone Who is what? Kind. We all love kindness. and sensitivity.
Listen to this marriage stockbroker. I made a vow to myself on a drive to the beach cottage. For two weeks I would try to be a loving husband and father, no ifs, ands or buts. The idea had come to me as I was listening to a Bible teacher on the radio. He was quoting a passage.
He said, husbands ought to be thoughtful to their wives. Then he went on to say that love is an act of the will and that we choose to love. I had to admit that I'd been a pretty selfish husband and that our love had been pretty dull, mostly due to my own insensitivity, often in petty ways, getting mad at my wife for her tardiness, insisting that my channel was the one that we watch. throwing away day old newspapers even although I knew she hadn't read them. For two weeks I was going to change all of that, and I did.
When we headed out of the door, I kissed my wife and said, That new yellow sweater looks great on you. Oh, Tom, you know this? she said, surprised. After a long drive, I wanted to sit and read. She suggested we take a walk on the beach.
I started to refuse, and then I thought, she's been alone with the kids all week, and now she wants to be alone with me. We walked on the beach.
Well, the kids flew their kites.
So it went. two weeks without calling the Wall Street Investment Firm, in which I'm a director. I usually hate museums, and we went to the Shell Museum and I enjoyed it. I even held my tongue when, as usual, she made us all late for dinner. I decided to be relaxed and happy, and that's how the whole vacation passed.
I made a vow to keep on remembering, to choose to love, just like Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. I didn't always feel like it, but I did it because it was right. There was one thing that went wrong with my experiment, however. My wife and I still laugh about it today. On the last night at our cottage preparing for bed, my wife stared at me with the saddest expression.
What's the matter? I asked her. Tom. Did you know something I don't know? What do you mean?
That check-up I had several weeks ago. That doctor, did he tell you something about me? Tom? You've been so good to me. Am I going to die?
Tom says, it took a moment for it to sink in, and then I said, No, honey. You're not dying. I'm just starting. Tell it. And can I say there are some men, husbands, sitting out here?
And it's time you started to live. It is time you brought into your home some of these principles. of godliness. of kindness. of generosity.
of sensitivity to the needs of your wife. and your children. We choose to love. That's what this man understood. We choose to be thoughtful.
And isn't it time? Husbands? Also wise. But I'll speak more directly to the men. Isn't it time?
that Some of you. Got on track. How are you doing? You're experiencing the blessing of God in your life. Are you seeking his blessing?
Are you praying? For God's blessing on others. Do you keep your promises? Are you growing in the Lord? Are you trustingly waiting on the Lord and providing a godly example in your home and in your relationships?
Characterized by self-control in all areas of your life? Are you a generous and thoughtful person? How do you measure up? We're going to close in a minute. and I'm going to invite husbands and wives to come forward for renewal of these commitments.
I think many of us would say, myself included as a husband, I'm not always the most sensitive. I'm not always a kindness. I'd like you to come forward and stand or kneel and I will pray that God once again will fill our homes. with his love. That we will grow together in the grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Perhaps you're engaged, perhaps you're dating, and seek God's blessing. It's costly to do this, isn't it? It was costly for a kinsman, redeemer, such as Boas to carry out redemption of the individual or the land. Money had to be paid, a redemptive price had to be paid. And Boaz, the kinsman redeemer, is, of course, only a faint picture of our Lord Jesus Christ, the great, the perfect kinsman redeemer, the one who is perfect in his love and kindness to us, who redeems us from our sin and our bondage, our selfishness, and our self-destruction.
Think of the price he paid. Says Peter, knowing you are not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers, but with the precious blood as of a lamb, unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ. You cannot live the kind of life in your own strength. But our Saviour has come. who protects us from the enemy, who redeems us from the slavery of sin, and who guides us and who helps us and who floods our hearts with His love and His kindness, that our relationships and our homes and our communities can see the invisible God through the lives of his.
people. Father, we need your grace. We need your help, we need your love, unless you are building our homes and our marriages. And working in the lives of those who are engaged to be married, all of our labor will be in vain.
So we pray, shine your grace. And your love. And your peace on us, we ask. In Christ's name, amen. This is the verdict with Pastor John Monroe and a message titled Principles for Marriage.
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Now, here's Pastor John Monroe with closing remarks for today's lesson: Principles for Marriage.
Well, what's your verdict? I hope you've enjoyed this romantic story of Ruth and Boaz. Is your marriage characterized by honesty, generosity, faith in God, self-control? This can be difficult for us, can't it? There are no perfect relationships.
There are no perfect marriages. And we praise God. For our kinsman, Redeemer, our Lord Jesus Christ, who comes to save us, to forgive us, and to fill us with His Spirit. Once again, shelter under his wings. And join me next time in the fascinating story of Ruth.
Thanks for joining us today on The Verdict. I'm Michelle Davies. Today's program with Pastor John Monroe was produced and sponsored by Calvary Church in Charlotte, North Carolina.
