Avizandam. In Scots law, this term describes the careful consideration given by the judge before an important decision. Join me each week as we explore various topics from a spiritual perspective. and take matters Abyssendum. Good relationships have at least two things in common.
First, effective and meaningful communication. Second, the resolution of conflict. We live in a fallen world, so there are no perfect relationships, no perfect people.
Some time ago, when our pastors gave premarital counselling, we used a book entitled When Sinners Say I do. This was a recognition that in marriage there are no perfect people. In a sense, marriage is one sinner. Marrying another sinner. Incidentally, we no longer use that book as we found the title rather negative.
Couples who are believers in Jesus Christ are redeemed sinners. therefore a higher standard of communication and resolution of conflict should be present. Any fool can disagree with some one, shout at them, be abusive, and refused to hear the other person's position. When some people are angry, Rather than trying to resolve the situation, he They simply vent on the person with whom they're angry. and they refused to hear the response.
This is very immature and deadly. to effective communication. The Apostle James writes, We are to be quick to hear slaughter speak. slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. How many quarrels and divisions, would have been avoided if we were quick to hear.
and slaughter speak. all too often were quick to speak. and slow to hear. Ephesians four, verses twenty five through thirty two is a very instructive passage on communication and resolution of conflict. In these verses, the Apostle Paul.
First gives a negative. Then a positive, and then the reason for his exhortation. In verse 25, Paul instructs us not to lie. That's the negative. The positive?
Speak truth. with her neighbor. The reason? were members one of another. Always speak the truth.
Never lie. and remember that we belong to one another. this is a great verse for conflict within marriage and the family. Then in verses twenty six and twenty seven, Paul exhorts us that when we are angry we are not to sin. That is the negative.
There is such a thing as righteous anger, but when we are angry, we are were apt to say too much. insult the other person, and say things we'll later regret.
So when you're angry, be very careful what you say. The positive is to resolve the conflict speedily. Paul puts it this way Don't let the sun go down on your anger. That is as soon as you can, resolve the conflict. The reason is given in verse twenty seven.
And give No opportunity to the devil. When we're angry and abusive it is as if we open the door of our home, and invite the devil into her house. He's an accuser of the brothers. A deceiver. And The devil loves division.
Then In verse twenty eight Paul exhorts the thief no longer to steal. That's the negative. But positively To work hard, doing honest work with his own hands. The reason for this is so that he may have something. to share with anyone in need.
Hard work is not sinful. not a result of the fall, but is something that all of us should do. doing a hard day's work may keep us from trivial disputes. Verse twenty nine is very important. Paul writes that we are not to have any vulgar talk.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths. We're in a society where vulgarity, cursing, and the F-bomb are all too common. No such speech is to characterize the believer. Rather were to build up one another, So that here's the reason. we can give grace to those who hear.
The next time you get into an argument or dispute with someone, Make sure you don't insult them. Rather, Seek a way to build them up. and give grace. In verse thirty of Ephesians 4, Paul writes that we're not to grieve the Holy Spirit. We're certainly grieving the Holy Spirit when we use lies, Corrupting speech anger, and so on.
Paul reminds us that we are sealed for the day of redemption. We have the stamp The Holy Spirit on us. and that Holy Spirit unifies, not divides. Paul concludes the section in verses thirty-one and thirty-two with an exhortation to put away bitterness. And drive.
and anger and slander. and malice and so on. Speech can be malicious, hurtful, and slanderous. The positive is then given. We are to be kind to one another.
tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. These are very important verses and helpful. In a resolution of conflict.
So, in conclusion, Let me say you must take responsibility for your own communication. Also, Be slow to speak? Be quick to hear. always be kind. Be humble.
because God is opposed to the proud. be quick to ask for forgiveness. And be quick. forgive. Put these principles into practice in your communication.
and see the transformation. of your relationships. Avizando. You're listening to the weekly Avizandam podcast from The Verdict, featuring Pastor John Monroe. John is senior pastor at Calvary Church in Charlotte, North Carolina.
Listen to John's daily program, The Verdict, on broadcast radio or major podcast platforms. For more information about the Verdict Ministry, visit us online at calvarychurch.com/slash the verdict.
