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December 12, 2019 3:34 pm
Have you ever been blue near and around the holiday season? Today on Theology Thursday, Dr. Take Cockrell - Associate Professor of Counseling - joins to help you fight the holiday blues!
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Thank you and God Bless
Everyone utilizes the noble show where biblical Christianity meets the everyday issues of life, your home more and even in politics. Steve is an ordinary man who believes in an extraordinary God it on a show, there's plenty of grace and lots of tree no sacred 34 true 866-34-TRUTH or checking out online.com. Now here's your house festive blow this place out and decorate like crazy. You think you're at a big-time store because he got literally Christmas decorations everywhere. We have two trees, Holly Jolly beautiful time of year. Lots of people excited a lot to look forward to, but here I am looking. I just googled as googled the holiday blues holiday depression and am like web MD the always different sites web MD holiday depression and stress. Here's psych on.net holiday depression how to beat the holiday blues we jump over to hear this, is that health.com holiday depression is real.
Here's how to deal with it. According to psychologists jump over the next 1F forks Forbes.com.
Why does depression tend to increase during the holidays how to spot the signs of depression and anxiety around the holidays. That's at Cedars-Sinai one place after another helpline.com holiday depression was depression so common social isolation and grieving during holidays and it seems like there's a lot of challenges out there in the in them than the season when things are bright. Mary and beautiful. It sure seems that there's a lot of darkness out there as well and not everybody's thrilled that were on this side of Thanksgiving and we have Christmas a couple weeks in front of us and for those of you that that's the boat that you're in right now.
The season that urine or maybe somebody that you know maybe at your spouse's son or daughter, friend, mother or dad this is that this is a show that we really are dedicated doing every year to talk about how to get through the holiday blues.
It is of course theology Thursday and our good friend Dr. Kate Cockrell is back in the house is the associate professor of counseling here at Southeastern Baptist theological seminary as well as the assistant director of doctors of ministry program in years and years of counseling himself, our brother good to see you Merry Christmas Merry Christmas.
Usually, things are happening in your very welcome and up the oil before you dive in hazard pleasure semester. Been busy. It's been busy little little more chaotic than the normal.
But the I always say this job security. Right.
That's exactly right.
But faith in your quote and quote does not own this is something to eat that. What is it about the holidays. Is it just all the typical things that a lot of people struggle with during the year and force multiplying effect. What is it about the holidays. That kinda makes this worse for a significant number of people. I think you got three things.
Steve, I think one you just got its normal stuff of life that tends to all culminate around this time of year and you got pressure for you no more finances and presence and parties and is just more stress in general. During this this time of year so that's can contribute to I think number two is just the expectation we both wish each other Merry Christmas all go and for some people it's not a Merry Christmas Valium. So what part of what makes it hard is just the expectation that I'm to be happy this time of year regardless of circumstances, and I think the third thing that we have is just individuals who for this time of year it is a reminder of hurt or pain or suffering, or loss.
Tomorrow will mark the 30 go back and Let it be the 32nd anniversary of my brother's death and so it you know we will be a missing table would just be a missing person around the table. Yes, most for us and you got spouses who maybe their spouses has passed away. Or maybe gets money he was going through a divorce, or maybe you got someone whose spouse is deployed. Another part of the world and and so is just it's a difficult time for them. There's there's loss associated with this time of year because someone's not there who should be there to do.
Do we typically kind of sweep it under the rug I think is a general rule, that's what that's what happens is we with good intentions.
We may we may just act like everything is okay we put on a happy face or if we're encountering someone who's coming out the holiday blues are there down during this this time season, you know, we may say something like you know I'm so sorry to hear about that or you know that must be tough, but pretty quickly, working to try to bring a family pass that pretty pretty fast and and for those of us that are dealing with of ourselves. I mean II generally don't think about this until we hit December than a mic and it always comes back around to me that I gotta get to you.
I get to get the tape have this conversation but you think that those of us that are in a Holly Jolly mood in December is awesome delete I think most of us struggle to, look around you. Notice that and be intentional about yeah I think you're right. I think for a lot of people to they just love this time of year and so they don't necessarily relate really well to people who don't see this as… Holly Jolly time of year that it is because that's not the world that there that they're living in. And so if you're not really intentional.
It's easy for you to miss the people around her suffering. I think sometimes they give you know about humbug writing such as Scrooge like being a grout ranch all that kind of stuff about where there can be some really deep problems. Yeah you there could be some situations where people are adjusting their canopy and in other just to be in the Grinch, but in a lot of cases what you're saying is, people who are caring some pretty departs with them and it's almost like you take the normal suffering difficulty of everyday life and then you just multiply it exponentially.
It seems to be around the holidays. The Thanksgiving Christmas. Those things just seem to magnify even if nothing else in their life changes. Are there any types of mental or emotional challenges that can occur around the holidays that that literally don't occur in the other seasons of the year.
I don't know that I would say that they don't occur at other seasons of the year but certainly they wouldn't they wouldn't appear as accentuated during other periods of the year.
We've even got sleeps on the we don't talk about very often is just seasonal affective disorder. Just this time a year.
It's cold it's dreary outside it's raining it's, you know, I mean in the summertime.
If you plot Christmas in the middle of summer it already gets a little bit better just because it's not you know it's it's not 17° outside and and potentially writing and dark and gray and gloomy and and all of that so I mean yeah that that's certainly think that's possible, and so where where we kinda got there we counted self-guided because I want to come at this from two different directions so I want to make sure we spend most of our effort.
Talking to the people that are feeling this way, but I also want to talk to the rest of us that are are having a good month. It's a good season but maybe we know somebody that struggling or we just need to be more aware Yeah II think we we deftly want to start with what those of us who are not necessarily in that holiday blues time we have to have awareness right like that's does just a keyword.
I think around this time of year's is going to have awareness of what's going on a lot of the people around you. So if you see them isolating not going to a party not showing up for work being late, being quiet, being in a way that normally you don't see them. It might be an opportunity for us to step into their life.
Ask a few additional questions, not just automatically assume that everything is okay like particular around this time of year.
Someone might actually be slipping into a little bit of depression they might be slipping into a little bit of anxiety they might be overwhelmed with a little bit of stress.
And we don't need to just push right past that should we assume that there's probably somebody we know that struggling I think is pretty safe to assume that that that you know somebody struggling Pat as they may not be someone immediately close to you but I'll guarantee you know somebody you struggling so all will continue to talk about the signs and help us understand those of us are having a good season right now how do we approach how do we gauge how do we care for the people in our lives that are having struggling with the holidays and will turn the corner and will talk to you if you're still having to deal with it. I can direct that reality Thursday with our friend Baptist theological seminary. Today a show that we like to do every year. We don't like to do it, but it's important to do and it's all about the holiday blues Dr. T Cockrell is here with me is an excellent Christian counselor as well as a professor, a great friend is been a great friend to me personally. A bit of a great blessing to our family and lots of other people that we know very, very, very capable, how many years have you been counseling. Now over 20.
Just so you been at whole health over 30,000 hours I calculated some slot.
How are you not depressed and anxious and how do you care you know what is that you know what Steve I go to counseling myself.
I did, I do. It's helpful it is. It's very helpful. I go to counseling myself. I feel like if you're gonna be if you if you want others to be healthy.
Gotta be willing to be healthy and if you're gonna tell people counseling is a good thing than the auto lead by example points over talk about the holiday blues or to talk about right.
Right now Canada for of those of us that were doing okay.
You're doing okay. You love the season. Things are pretty decent in your life how we look out for what's going on around us and how we engage in the will turn the corner talk specifically to you.
If you are struggling with the holiday blues and we have some people asking some questions on Facebook live but I want to go and open up the phones. I don't usually do that on theology Thursday don't do it every day on the show as many of you know, if you listen regularly, but I want to make sure we give you the opportunity today some specific going on for you or somebody that you know and you just want to tap into what God has placed in dictates capable had in terms of his experience of counseling and be able to help either you or somebody you know love one, whatever it may be, so feel free to give us a call and we want to give you that opportunity. 866-34-TRUTH 87, 84, as always, 866-34-TRUTH 87884 or 866-34-TRUTH just give us a call on your question for Dr. T Cockrell about dealing with the holiday blues again, either for yourself or perhaps somebody you know 866-34-TRUTH 87884 866-34-TRUTH so what should we be looking out for you got started that before but I'm one of actually complete that for those was the room pretty good.
What should we be looking yes.
So I think any general change in normal behavior where you see people not acting the way they normally look you know there they seem down leasing depressed leasing quiet. They seem avoidant, they don't go to things they normally go to in man, Steve, here's a good one in man. A lot of times, depression shows itself is anger more than it does depression they feel more comfortable showing anger.
So if you're dealing with some guys they just seem to more be more grumpy and irritable. It really could be that there really more depressed or really more down than they are angry and so that that potentially is another big one as well. So something out of the ordinary. And I don't see in themselves. Perhaps you know that they deal with oppression or anxiety already. Yeah that's right you know they want to get a pre-existing thing you know you see them being overly emotional or you seem. You may even seem a motion that's just out of place. You know like you would anticipate they would be this way. But there younger a different way. So I think that's that's an important one as well. I think if they begin dropping even maybe some clues for you. You know sometimes people will test the waters to see if they can trust you on whether or not they can discuss an example of what those clues would look like, you know, I may not semi-says you how you you how you doing today and they say I'm okay and I just got it. I get out. Yeah, I mean, and it is nice to leave it there.
After testing the water right like that so that I just want to see if you'll engage in if you if you want engage in.
If you're if you're like oh yeah I'm doing fine too and you just rush right on that.
I won't say anything else.
If you say all that that sounds unconvincing. You cheers lead to you doing all right. And then if they begin to talk a little bit more than you ask more questions invite more information then they're much more likely them to open up was I was going to ask you about asking yeah and what's the appropriate I think it's after Connie, I think it's appropriate just to ask Steve, here's here's the thing that I hear all the time and that is people will say well you know if they're not struggling or for not having a bad time. I don't want to bring it up and get to cause them to feel that way like it's if they've if they've lost a loved one or something, and my response to that always is, if they have lost a loved one there already suffering like they're already thinking about it and so and you bring it up is to make it worse right like you being willing to talk about.
It's always going to make it better. It's always good to make it easier for them if you're the one that initiates it because they're not to be the one to be like hey cannot tell you how bad of a day, I'm having right like they're only going to talk about if you press the entity. If you ask so you may be occasionally depressing and maybe the person doesn't want to talk about it. But by and large, I think the error is made far more on the us not engaging side than on us engaging in it. Not turning out well side at what point should we stop pushing.
I think if you try a little bit and and they just kind of draw the line in the sand like I'm Enoch you can just tell like I'm not going talk about it until just say that you want to you on as I don't want to talk about as a counselor.
Sometimes I may push that may be just one more time and just say you know what you sure that's a good thing like you know maybe trying to be a good thing. If not, no like I want talk by Mike okay will if you and then have the follow-up is not just a drop but it would just know I love you and care for you and if you ever decide that you want to talk about it then. Let's have a conversation when then I learned that Frank invitation you can't make him do it but but if you can just let them know that you're there for them it be a huge help for yet so important. 866-34-TRUTH, eight, 784 if you want to call in and asked Dr. T Cockrell a question, it is theology Thursdays. One of the professors here at Southeastern Baptist, but also has done 30,000 hours of professional counseling himself and so he's quite a gift for all of us to be able to to have access to that. So if you have any questions about dealing with the holiday blues yourself or somebody you know anyone asked those feel free to give us a call 866-34-TRUTH 87884 866-34-TRUTH on that note, for those of us trying to help others.
Tony, who actually was just on the other day and shared his testimonies said this is on Facebook live. You can join us on Facebook as well just go to the Steve Noble shelf. Tony asked this question, I got a cousin whose husband died in a motorcycle accident a month ago. What would you recommend for others to do for her. So there's an obvious massive loss, grief morning.
And in this is the first Christmas season that they been without that person. This is a very fresh, but how do we engage in man, it engage. That's a keyword like it but just make sure you do something like don't, here's the here's the thing that I can't stand when we try to minister people who were going through this we say let me know if there's anything I can do for you and the person who's grieving such a significant loss particular this time of year. They don't know really what they need and they often feel uncomfortable with asking for help. So put yourself in their shoes and say what is it that I might need. What you know what I want semi to come by and see me what I wanted to bring me a meal. What I want them just to sit and drink coffee with me what I want to become body and do my laundry or take my kids to the movies or go to the grocery store just simply engage like ask, but don't just ask, is there anything I can do let me know but say can I come by and do your laundry. Can I come by and pick up your kids. Can I come by and pray with you can come by and just sit we don't even have to talk rightly, can I come by and just be with you. Can I just give the power and presence in your life. Just be willing to engage in. Don't wait on them to reach out to you. You be the proactive one to reach out to them well and and on that point. Weight will have a break about a minute. But on that point. It sounds like it's okay, it's enough for us to just be present. It's absolutely enough for you to be free to be present. In fact, you know my rule of thumb for years and working with pastors when they go into crisis scenario situations where there working with people who are hurting. Just remember this phrase show up and shut up. Just show up and shut up.
You don't have to have all the answers and chances are there's gonna be no one word, one there's like not to be one word or one phrase or even one Bible verse.
That's good at sure, sure, whatever the hurt he is that they're going through. But if you're willing to show up and just be there and love them and care for them and walk the journey with them. That means far more to the other trying to give them the magic pill answered it's gonna make them all and I would imagine that women are pretty comfortable doing that men are not, but we should should just showing up my people bring a cup of coffee or anything to serve them and love them and then just be there and whether they want to talk about talking to Dr. T Cockrell 866-34-TRUTH in the holiday blues right back talking Cockrell has an excellent Christian counselor answer here Mary talk about the holiday blues right now are looking at the perspective of those of us that are doing okay and looking out for the people around us and paying attention. Those signs and how to engage how to be a blessing to them and really to minister to people well and then in just a few minutes will turn the corner and talk directly if you're struggling with the holiday blues we asked we were doing a little bit off the air on Facebook live with some questions were getting from off from our friends on Facebook live so I want you to build take advantage of that. If you have any questions today for yourself or for somebody you know something.
Perhaps that you're worried about this holiday season and you want to just get a little help from Tate give us a call would be happy to extend you that invitation here today 866-34-TRUTH 87884's number.
Please don't hesitate if you want to give your name. You don't have to enough tells where you live. I just want to make sure you don't miss this opportunity at the Lord's, nudging you and you like. I really should call but I'm nervous or honest dumb stupid.
If I say some wrong story about and if the Lord is nudging you and you feel like you should pick up the phone and go ahead and do it and and take advantage of the help that that you can get right now. 866-348-7884 or 866-34-TRUTH so Tate up practical things we see a personality changes a disk in a down day I doing I'm okay but but but we started to talk about this. The ministry of presence just showing up. So some practical things that we can do and then maybe something that we should yeah so definitely provide a meal go to somebody's house asked him to come to your house. We talked about inviting people to celebrate the holidays with us, you know, hey, come, you'll come stay with us.
Come celebrate with us and when our family will will be your surrogate family. I drink during the holidays at the think that's a good thing. I think a big thing is you say what not to do it. Here's the Cardinal say in the mist of all this and that's minimization right when we try to make light of it like is not a big deal.
Slick semi says man is a really tough year for me like you know my husband's in Afghanistan are oatmeal might my wife died or whatever and what and we do the will you know it could be worse for you know the we quote Romans 828 you know is if it's gonna you know just cure all of their ills as opposed to really understanding them and validating the white man your planet. That's tough for me like I really hate that for you that must really be difficult. Validation is a really really important thing and so minimization is the is the enemy of that rollout in Africa Steve on on Facebook live asked that question. Dr. Cockrell what are good ways to not minimize someone's depression.
That's a great question yeah and it makes me think of hearing that people are dealing with depression is not uncommon anymore it's not and I think because we hear it fairly often. Perhaps we have a tendency to minimize that right that's right.
And one of the ways you not minimize that he be willing to talk about a be willing to ask questions about it being willing to be uncomfortable having a conversation about something you may not fully understand.
But your mentality is. I just want to be there for that for the other person sleeping hour, talking about off the air as guys as fixers sometimes you know we're not okay with that were not okay with you not being the guy who's got all the answers, but I found a lot of guys is pretty free for me whenever I tell them you don't have to have all the answers right like how you cannot minimize it is just be willing to be there with them and not try to fix them right there in the moment.
Like I feel the necessity your Savior talk to me and I think you might be depressed. How can I cure you in the 20 minutes over and I were trying to move the needle all right lunch that's right that's right and and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be helpful. I get that, but sometimes I use this analogy or disconnect acronym in my counseling all the time is called Lula. Listen, understand, validate, and act, listen, understand, validate an act and sometimes we hear so were listening but we don't yet understand. We haven't yet validated, but were already jumping to a solution and the person that were talking to his thinking dude, you don't even know half of my story and you're already telling me what I should be doing, and how I could be different or how I could be better. Like I don't even feel like you understand 1/10 of what I'm talking about. So listen, understand, validate an act that is a great way for you to avoid minimizing any it really, but certainly with depression. People often times the one phrase I hear with differently from depressed people as are talking to their friends and family members is you just don't understand. That's what they say. I don't ever never get you just don't understand. And until they feel like you do understand it. Any advice you try to give them is really John the five dead-end that that it is I didn't really listen for that you want to ask a question for Dr. Cockrell 866-34-TRUTH 878-848-6634 truth to the phones right now.
Monique scone in Greensboro North Carolina money.
Thanks for calling and I go ahead with your question for Dr. Cockrell.
I don't I don't walk with God. Very old, all hard and I don't care anymore. The anthology are well got back everybody else. That's the first thing think so now I'm the American family therapist. I don't know if you get so many people that called out question for you, but I called her while on dialysis. I called and go. I'm only 40 they had no idea what happened for overnight.
You are quick all the mother okay I'm not exactly what you guys that my brother would poo my dad got remarried through so I don't have any support at all. Here and on top of that, is a constant fight in the medical just trying to get you know that so everyone everyone Inc. God has see God Rangers on walks up where the person broke off that Prosoft but even in my natural life people it can't get you familiar to recognize it. They come in they call for me but here I am on dialysis every other day of my life that has not worked for travel time think I I'm not but dialysis is every other day of life years now I've done it by myself. The only place is my heart to make it I what will die. What I like. I think I like the desperate I like in my faith. I have no family. I'm not married.
I don't have children. So not only is this time that the ear but that L UPA what ever and I am very good with my thoughts. I know I can't display a combat land and for whatever piece I can't translate it. You know, people will start to doubt that the say no that dialysis you don't know about you, even if you don't know that you know. Every other day apply health think you could take away break that day and 1/2 report any I've got to go and for the last 50 all you like that is normal. Like that I pray first and I dramatic like to note that Mary felt like it got dark like that. But not Mary. All that what I Christmas. The holidays are like that. He did that but that it sort of a new computer if you're boiling all that down and do a question for today.
What would be yes. Where do I go that there for like God, they can't help got you got your not difficult to question where did she go to great question is I want to lead a chance to respond. I think a couple places you go one you go to your church and you always gotta be careful you don't. I don't have EE can automatically assume that just because you go to the local body blockade. You don't have a local church.
Is that right money.
I don't know what that Scripture and so will you go to another try different churches I would. I wiki I what I will and I don't want to. I really don't want to trivialize that but I think I would start with I would start with the church and an odd thing that I would say is that because you've been trained as a marriage and family therapist. You know the value of counseling note, go sit down and have a conversation with the counselor was someone that you know was trying to listen well, who's trying to validate well. He's trying to seek to understand you, who can walk that journey with you as you're building a support system because it's a hard thing to build a support system as you're looking for a church in trying to find a biblical community that's a hard thing to do by yourself like you. You still need a support around you and and and I'll be honest with you over the years I've been the support for some people I'm not been that guy that you know they didn't have a mommy and have a dad. They didn't have a spouse you know they were estranged abandoned abuse. Whatever the situation is and I was really their sole source of kind of levity during the course of men. I know that I can come here and even though you may not give me all the answers.
At least I know I'm going to be heard and understood and I would say go go see a counselor if that's at all possible while you're doing these other things while you're looking for a church family while you're seeking meaningful relationships within the context of a biblical community because money guy agree with you hundred percent. If you don't know God, if they're not walking with Jesus. It's it's really hard for them to give really good advices can be trusted by you as a believer right walk or not right trout that exactly as you obviously and I'm just I'm just up against the brick, but I won't will follow five more questions pertaining with respect that's hastening okay okay I was on the radio.
God bless you, and that's a tough one. I get a couple of questions there in terms of how do you find a good counselor and how do you how your Christian church for a lot of people are doing it on their own, not necessary by choice for fear that sociology.
The southeastern logical seminary here today with Dr. Cockrell's good friend of ours good friend of the show excellent Christian counselor and also one of the professors out here talking about the holiday blues and we kinda looked at both sides of the coin. For those of us that are doing pretty good to look out for the footnote the folks that are around us and then if you're dealing with the holiday blues yourself and if you have a question something you're dealing with. Just like Monique who called and a few minutes ago. Then give us a call. We have this last segment so I wouldn't want you to miss the opportunity to ask that question and try to get some help 866-34-TRUTH 87884.
Again, please do not hesitate to pick up the phone call and ask your question and Dr. Cockrell will be happy to address and talk to about 86634 878-848-6634 truth and on Facebook live as well if you just want to type your questions and were looking at that. So will incorporate those before time back to Monique for a minute and I answer this question out there somebody Monique situation very difficult.
Not much of a support system around her. Anybody with that, should they go out of their way to to gotta avoid eating along right right yet you do you you know as and in this is just me giving advice to quickly for Monique, but IKEA has a radio show, so I let out a 45 minutes right tentative fully get to know Monique but but what I would say is that the enemy doesn't want her to be in community. That's right, like when we're we were in the place where Monique is where she's hurting and she's suffering and she's alone.
He wants to keep her in that place. The last thing that he wants is you know a Galatians tells us in Galatians 6 to bear one another's burdens and therefore fulfill the law of Christ. He doesn't want that to be a reality in Monique's life and so she needs to do everything that she can. If the church that she went to didn't help her, then she should try another church and keep trying churches until she finds one that she can see. Hey, this church is doing a good job at curing well for not only it's it's members but can become caring for their neighbors as well. When you contact the church. Do you just put everything on the table. Would you suggest that or you know, here's what I would do. See, just as very practical thing for if you really want to find light wears a church that cares like I would say if they've got a website go to their website and see what kind of ministries they offer and so if they do things like support groups, grief recovery groups you know addiction group supports care for that hair. They've got a counseling ministry is pretty good indication of their to do well at curing well for their people and their can establish a culture of care in their church. That's it before you ever even visit a church. The first time I would be checking that kinda stuff out and in that way if they've got some of that you would know.
Okay will. Here's at least a church whose trying to do those things may not be doing it as well as they could. But at least they're making an effort to kill care well for their people and for the community guys present at the part of what they're presenting that's writing this is what they see it as a vital ministry. I see care and compassion ministries a vital part of what they're doing is a church will and then it could you suggest or find a counselor. I guess they were always going to point people towards a Christian counselor so because the thing about a Christian counselor is you don't have to.
Sometimes you have to, but you can immediately have somebody to listen right validation advice you, not the date right going to go this whole process right, you just know you're on the highway and you're in it… How do you find a cortical good Christian counselor.
So there's a couple ways you can do it the single best way is word-of-mouth through people that you know you've already been held by counselor now that require some vulnerability on your part to say hey have you ever been to accounts or do you know the good one in the area but there is your best place if someone can cite you yes I went and saw whoever and he really helped me she really helped me that's up that's a great first place to start. Second place to start would be to contact churches in the area. Hey, do you guys have counselors on your church staff or do you have recommendations or referrals that you utilize a lot of churches that don't. Do you care and compassion, ministry or counseling ministry.
Specifically, because the church is often times the first place that people turn often times I would say more often times than not they have a very, very well developed referral network that they can say oh yes, here are people that we've checked out here people that we've sent individuals to. And they've been helped as a result of that and so that's another great place to start, then let me give you give your website and will be okay to go to as well.
So a WWW.A ACC.net AA cc so alfalfa Charlie. Charlie.net that's the American Association of Christian counselors there's a there's a button on their homepage and says find accounts out right there and if you click it you can type in your ZIP Code.
You can type in your street address and it will tell you all the counselors that are members of a ACC as well as their corresponding licenses, certification, and what I counseling that they do it'll give you all of that information out before you just go see one of those people I would do a little bit of research on whoever is on their website because you know obviously they got out Lotta counselors and so quality control.
Sometimes, you know, there may be some there might be a little bit more work that you need to do, but at least that will give you a start to say here are some counselors in my area that I might be able to check out or I could at least ask hey, does anybody know this counselor you familiar with this with this counseling agency.
So that's another opportunity for you to go there a ACC.net type so taking that one. Finding a good Christian counselor doing that much sooner than later. What are some other practical things that people can do if I'm feeling down and depressed. Just lost a loved ones. My first Christmas without my spouse when a child whatever. What are some practical things that they can be doing outside of help from a Christian counselor, I would say first get out of your house so walk, exercise those. Those are always helpful. Activity is a good thing serve to be around other people learn to give back to you. Individuals, church, community service projects, homeless shelters, always looking for help. Around this time of year and so oftentimes going in and serving as a great way for us to come to get out of the doldrums and getting your mind off of it and distraction isn't necessarily bad.
It's not bad. It is not is not bad again not, I will. I would say that distraction.
I do not want that to be our only coping mechanism but is most certainly a valid coping mechanism. During this time of year so find a place to serve. Get out of your house.
It's okay to do some things that are just a distraction. Get do something you enjoy. We find some font font you if you got a hobby you enjoyed playing golf you enjoyed playing the mandolin you whatever, you know, even if you're not feeling like this is important thing safe in all of these instances whenever we give light practical tips. The number one pushback against any of those practical tips is I don't feel like it right and I'm like I understand you don't feel like it, which is the very reason why I'm telling you to go do it is because often times the behaviors don't have to perceive the emotion.
You're not just suddenly gonna wake up and all of a sudden feel like doing these things you're going to go do these things even when you don't feel them so that those negative feelings begin to go away and you begin to enjoy the things were talking about doing so. Sometimes the belief or the behavior needs to precede that feeling. Yes, I don't follow your emotions around no listen I cease all the time. Feelings are fickle man I know how yummy they are very fickle and they'll betray you.
I mean, there one minute you'll feel one way and then you know. 20 minutes later, you'll fill some other way and so you feelings do not have to drive you tightly impact, but they don't have to be the thing that we base all of our decision-making off of.
Sometimes we just need to muster up enough will to be able to say I know I don't feel this way but I'm I'm gonna go ahead now and I'm I'm to go do this on we go to, just because I know it's the right thing to do.
Even if I'm not necessarily feeling and to be around people yes be around people be around not be around people that are to be life-giving to get up for you going around you be around people are really like 100 eyes. Yes right good boundaries. This people that are bringing it down yet don't know that until you don't do that yet you don't don't do people gonna exacerbate the problem brightening. We want to be around people are to be life-giving for us but yet don't don't sit at home and isolate a mean dip depression. I was only going to get worse if you isolate yourself, I mean II think in virtually every instance is just gonna make it worse, and two biggies will be done to happen. It's two biggies up medication yeah and then what if somebody's deal with suicidal thoughts. Yeah, absolutely. Medication certainly is an option even if you don't normally take something but situationally you want to go talk to your doctor about taking psychotropic medication will help you feel better just. During this period of time.
Just a, level the playing field to get you over the hump absolutely consider doing that. If you're feeling suicidal. If you're feeling like you will harm yourself and please reach out for somebody. I've said for years people don't attempt suicide because they want to die.
They want to attempt suicide because they don't like they have any options and there are plenty of options and and all the options are better than the one that you're thinking about and so reach out to somebody and say I don't feel well, I'm feeling depressed. I'm feeling suicidal. I don't know what to do.
Talk to somebody in that course in that case, like even the national suicide prevention lifeline. That's right, we were not to be nitpicky about that, I don't. I do care who you call sure that when you're suicidal.
I just say call somebody I don't know anybody that if you call them and say I'm thing about taking my life there to say I think that's a good idea. I did there gonna say man your your your life is a value you mean something and there's other. There's other options.
I don't care how bad it is. There's other options are out there and should and and and I think one of things that we talked about this foregoing entire shows of this for when it comes to medication. I think you're still in the church, we still struggle with some of us struggle with this yeah you are you just don't go to the pill you to go to the king, you need to go to word for all.
And of course, of course, yeah, but were not pooh-poohing medication.
No I in fact IIII get really frustrated having to have this conversation over and over again, but we have to continue the habit because people in the church. Oftentimes they feel like if I take the medication somehow I'm not trusting God. If I take the medication somehow somehow I don't have enough faith you don't do that though Stephen any other area of life in for counseling right you know we don't tell people who take you know insulin you don't have enough faith in God to cure your diabetes. If we say you know your you gotta take something for high cholesterol. We don't say you don't have faith you're not trusting God, but somehow when it comes to our emotions. If people take a medication to help you manage that for a period of time.
Somehow we're going to tell them that they're not having faith and that she's crazy. That's crazy.
It is take taco here at Southeastern excellent Christian counselor.
Always great to have you anything and always pleasure so much in there. I put up the suicide prevention information on the Facebook page. So if you're down that road and do not do this loan. Gotta talk to you since I prevention link is there, the hotline is out there which is pretty easy 802 seven 351-800-2732 55 me to share. This is