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June 11, 2021 9:34 am
Today Steve covers a variety of topics like: Gay Pride on Fox News, Young People and the Covid Vaccine, Parents & Teachers vs. Critical Race Theory, & Young Christian Woman Battling Cancer on America's Got Talent.
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Everyone views time is the noble show were biblical Christianity meets the everyday issues of life in your home, at work, and even in politics.
Steve is an ordinary man who believes in an extraordinary God it on a show, there's plenty of grace and truth. No sacred cow call Steve now 86 34 through 866-34-TRUTH or checking out online, Steve Noble show.com and now here's your host Steve Noble, everybody, hope you having a good day and a good week and had an interest at men's Bible study have been going to got Shelley back since 2006.
For me personally, so just awesome Friday morning fellowship here in Raleigh, North Carolina, and we been doing it for a while and some guy started to meet in the garage next door to the church or even meeting on the today first official day back inside the church and so there's a good number of guys or so I'm driving there, we started 70 in the morning. Looking back, but this is Steve Noble and driving there in the morning I listened on the Sirius satellite radio. I turn on Fox and friends right on their serious satellite radio stations here listening to the programming from Fox news channel and all of a sudden they do this little out of five minute fit on Gay pride month pride month.
I don't think we call it gay pride month anymore. I think it's just pride month because they if you're watching on Facebook Liber YouTube live and join us here in the studio. Just go to the Steve Noble show page on either platform Facebook or YouTube and you'll see the rather rainbow its background here in the studio today so you'll see. You know that big feet what's been the gay pride parade for years that gay pride parade where they fly the gay pride flag right so that's June this year. I'm not woken up yet is gay pride month. So they have the gay pride flag which has read orange, yellow, green, blue and purple and then they added those are just regular horizontal stripes.
They added these kind of arrow like stripes coming in from the I guess from the left.
How apropos that is black and then blue light blue and then pink and then white. So we have the new pride flag proudly displayed here studio to be facetious so please don't email me but if you feel the need firstname.lastname@example.org is my email. As always, and shoot me an email.
All reply and so they wanted to be more inclusive because they needed to get cut.
The BLM ushered anything to happen, black and brown so they added that and of course trends they have to keep everybody happy.
So that's the that the updated 2021 pride flag flying behind me here in the studio so I'm listening to Fox and friends what Fox news channel for all us conservatives right our home and they did a five minute spot on a man who sounds obviously he's very gifted musically.
He's at choir director. I don't know if he directs orchestras or whatever but he's he's a gay man. And so Fox and friends this morning in order to be a part pride month decides to do a five-minute feature on this gay musician and a member's name and is choir director and they just go through his stories talk about music and choir and singing in all that's wonderful.
And of course the obligatory. Unfortunately he went through what what they call gay conversion therapy, which is usually when Christians are trying to help a person dealing with same-sex attraction. Living the gay lifestyle to leave that they call that gay conversion therapy therapy because it sounds horrible and sometimes it is. It's not done with love and compassion and can be kind of weird but they featured that part and then his message to people and it was totally supportive all about gay pride from Fox and friends morning program Fox news channel and I was now I wasn't I was a little surprised by that. And I put it up on Facebook earlier today and a lot of people were like well you know the foxes going left anyway. Bobo and I understand that but but Fox instructed now this is where my oldest our son who lives in San Francisco by the what say you know what Fox is doing, you know, either including that's all about the Benjamin's there just thrown another little a little bit more chum in the water to try to maybe grab some of that audience. Maybe the log cabin conservatives. The game gay men and lesbian women that happen to be conservative and so they perhaps from a bone or people that are little bit more left and towards the center and water, but Fox news.
My point being, Fox is you think there's a bastion of conservative thought and truth on this planet. There isn't. There is not. None of its as pure as the wind driven snow. And you have to realize that that's why I always am trying to fight in my own life and I would suggest you do the same in yours. Confirmation bias where we just if it's coming from the right source. I'm just going to consume it. There's going to feed it up to me in on it. Okay, these are awesome.
You got Fox news that's where we got ago but even foxes going to compromise and they often do, and it's not a pure conservative outlet mostly, but not pure and pushing to the left, for whatever reason, I think it's because of Rupert Murdoch's sons running it now as opposed Rupert Mark Murdoch. It was no great person himself, but that was that was a real eye-opener.
And so they're just trying to play along with the cultures much they can essentially trying to have their cake and eat it too, so it was an interesting way to start the day there on Fox and friends with pride month. Good five-minute feature, but that's the land that we limit so there's that. Then I share this on Facebook like someone to spend some time on this because this is really important. A couple other things him to get to them in a play a couple clips for you guys that were awesome a mom in Florida happens to be African-American. Speaking to the state Board of Education in Florida about critical race theory and then a white teacher in Fairfax, Virginia, blasting her school board about the same thing. Critical race theory. Both of them had limited to two minutes, but these are great speeches and another example of what we need to do if are going to continue to try to fight for the health of this culture, at least to some extent, and especially for our children, then you need to be willing to step up to the microphone and do stuff like these two women did again one's mother in Florida and the other one actually a teacher which takes a lot of backbone there in Virginia, some to play those at some point today. You probably saw on social media for non-social media might not have heard this on Tuesday night, America's got talent, Simon Cowell, and in the bunch those people it's gonna like another one of the shows are people just come on and try to win a slot in the can end up winning all competition yada yada. But a gal who's about 30.
I think Jane Mars Zeus key who goes by night bird that's work on a stage name night bird and a Liberty University grad from 2013 who just ended up with this butte just had a beautiful voice.
She's been fighting cancer.
She's in her third bout of cancer. She only has a 2% chance of survival, and she sings the song that she wrote called, it's okay which is beautiful and just her positivity was amazing and so Simon Cowell goes well you know we had a lot of great singers. I'm not getting you yes him to give you something else.
He doesn't will them but the thing with me. She gets right to the live part of the competition thought was awesome.
But this morning I read something that she wrote which was brutally honest about her cancer battle that eventually as well that we come back to and her stage name Christian singer songwriters night bird and she got the golden buzzer thing. So she gets right into the live portion of America's got talent, but a young woman she's about 30 she's had this is her third bout with cancer really an amazing story. She blew everybody away, Simon Cowell included because now you have this positive incredible outlook while sure you got a 2% chance of survival.
And it's really her fate that's brought her all this way and so she's very couple memory of her time at liberty University and then not but I fight somebody posted some from her blog earlier today a really mean it's just it's kinda brutal to read, read it to anyway because I really appreciate the rawness of it is called God is on the bathroom floor and adjust her dealing with the fact that she's young and dying of cancer and we do not grieve as those who have no hope.
So how does a Christian go through this and I appreciated her honesty and she's battled with the Lord and with her disease and in her a 98% probability of dying at a very young age is only about 30 so I'll get to that, but I wanted to talk about this. This was really important as we talk about continue to talk about was going to COBIT and other vaccines Tucker Carlson what he like him or not you sharing some information the other night dealing with our young people in the COBIT vaccination. Okay which is still an experiment vaccination enema to take some numbers here because I love numbers when it comes to the show and when I'm analyzing things and like Ben Shapiro says Bax don't care about your feelings so they have a tendency to cut through and help you think through things with less emotion and more logic. So we'll get to that. But here's what the Tucker was talking about the other night.
He's bringing up covert vaccinations for young people and what probably set this up for him something.
I talked about the other day which is Pfizer and modernity was starting to do later this summer of phase 2 and phase 3 trials on young people like 12 years old, down to six month old babies giving them these experimental vaccines is trials and then it is just a little. What because when you look at the numbers of what COBIT hasn't done to young people, then you cynical. Why are we risking this when the most information we have in terms of clinical trials at this point is about 11 months will have any more information than 11 months. Nobody knows what what this these vaccines will do to you after two or three or four, 10 years you know you have an item that walk right that's just logical and so he's was talking about that back in January. Israel mandated the vaccine for young people, and then just either this week or last week is really health officials came out and said actually working to resend that because they found an alarming 25 times the usual rate of young people in Israel that have gotten the COBIT vaccine.
One of them having this this heart condition it's heart inflammation cardio's and teases her something to give her the name of it, but it's a heart inflammation, which can be dug deadly so it is really like okay were not doing mandatory vaccines for young people because of this issue and then in Canada one hard doctor who deals with this particular disease unnoticed the same thing and he's warning people in Canada, Germany, I came out for the same thing and in the German government set the young people should avoid the vaccine because it's too dangerous.
Relative to this heart condition that they're finding again in Israel at 25 times the usual rate which can be deadly. So that's where I'm just in the okay what's so wrong with caution. Not yet.
Caution, especially if you're not in a susceptible group when it comes to COBIT for death. You may get it. I got 55 I got it in January when I was just 54 a young lad and for me.
I wrote pretty healthy person. It was no big deal. I've had flus that are worse now can be deadly for others.
And really, really bad, but for most people it is okay to get a look at the facts. If you look at fairs, which is the voluntary adverse reaction to the vaccine's website that the government set up as well as the CDC numbers themselves this week.
They both had an emergency meeting because are looking at the same issue. These coronary problems is heart inflammation going okay whole and second of these rates are way higher than normal in young people that have received the COBIT vaccine right so let's talk about that in the USA, so there is the question. Could getting the COBIT vaccine for a young person be actually end up being more dangerous than getting COBIT itself.
That's it. That's a logical question when were dealing with experiment vaccines here that do not have full FDA approval, yet they will but then they're not there yet. So you got a lot of colleges and universities that are starting to require the thing you cannot come back on campus this fall. If you're not fully vaccinated and by the way most of him, at least according to Tucker Carlson's research which I've no reason to doubt are actually not if you had COBIT already's and I got anybody's running around and ending and we may be more. I've had it already. Five anybody so I might be more safe than somebody's got in the backseat but they're not allowing them to avoid the vaccination. Even if you had COBIT already enters 20 million college students in America. So this starts become an issue. As you increase the number of people that can be forced to get it in the Virginia college system. For example, Tucker talked about this. Exemptions are not granted.
Quote based on any philosophical, moral or conscientious objection.
That's a direct quote from the from the Virginia college system. Exemptions will not be granted based on any philosophical, moral or conscientious objection plus wonderful what happened to my body, my choice what happened, conscientious clause for anything. So now they're just gonna force you about that right so let's get to the numbers that I mention okay. You may not like these numbers, but it doesn't matter because these are the numbers okay and this is not me going to some conservative website.
These are numbers from the CDC and the census so how many people but to see if you know in America newborn to 17 years of age have died. According to the numbers that have been reported have died from COBIT. That number is 314. Now let's go from age 18 through college undergrads. That's what you say 22 okay how many tween 18 and 22 have died across America from COBIT. That's up to 774. That's 1089 deaths, all of which are tragic, especially in the younger age group. Okay, that's 1089 deaths which you would say at that point go. Oh my goodness that's horrible thousand 89 debt that's nothing compared to abortion but notwithstanding 1089 deaths is horrible right I think that's horrible. Every single death represents a family of mom and dad, siblings, friends, whatever, all mean the image of God. So it's horrible, but you do have to consider in terms of risk. How many people are there in America.
Newborn to 22 years of age. That's about 91 million people. Okay, now you have to look at it in context so 1089 deaths from COBIT. Allegedly, let's say in the ballpark out of 91 million people is is the percentage .000012. That's the percentage that have died from Cove .0004012. So when you go the other way. That's a one and 83,562.
Chance of death from COBIT.
So if you're a newborn up to 22 years of age, you have a one and 80 Scott 83,000 yeah one and 83,000 chance of dying from COBIT.
So when we come back. I'm in a take you through him to compare that chance of death. The other things like car crashes gonna solve pedestrian incident motorcycles drowning fire or smoke. Son stroke a cataclysmic storm dog attack and lightning were to look like Pearson and how dangerous COBIT in these young people relative to the Lyrica merely to affect you have verified flag up here. I mean I laugh about it and I market because it's anti-God's anti-Bible anti-truth, but I am in my heart. I'm not. I don't think it's funny at all and I was just sharing with my friends on Facebook live in YouTube life during the commercial break on radio that was you just go to the end of Romans chapter 1 Romans chapter 1 stunt does a great job of explaining pretty much everything all the crazy stuff you see in our culture in terms of immorality and you go to the ends starting in verse 32 Romans 132 though they know God's righteous decree white wine. They know it offers all everybody knows God exists is he is the inner pound gorilla in the room. Beginning Romans one because God made it plain so that men are without excuse.
So I don't believe in atheists atheist can say they both they don't believe in God but I believe an atheist because the Bible makes it clear in Romans one that there's no such thing as an atheist. Everybody knows that God exists.
Be quiet. Steve what because he's made it plain right now. What you do with what you know exists when that's when you get in all kinds of things ruminate. Romans 10*talk about the conscience you start talking with the law written on people's hearts and then now you got a deal at that and then we learn in the Gospels that we don't like the light because our deeds are dark so now we suppress that truth and we replace with a lie and that's why we will make things like gay pride parade are great gay pride flag and then we add that transgender is Intuit and all the other stuff so you get to verse 32 though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die that sternal separation. They not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.
They applaud one another.
Sounds a lot like you guessed it right. Okay back to what Tucker Carlson was talking about and I expanded this to look at were running hard-core down the road of trying to get everybody vaccinated here in North Carolina. I'll remind you that that Gov. Cooper launching for $1 million cash drawings $1 million just drawings. If you get the COBIT vaccination and for you candles out there North Carolinians from 12 to 17 years of age have gotten at least one shot, you're automatically entered into for drawings to pay $125,000 for college education of the school of your choice wire okay that sounds nice and were stuck at 50% vaccination rater North Carolina so they want to keep pushing that up, but with young people, Israel, Canada, Germany, are all pulling going all you other subissues are specifically around the hearts issues and that's a Tucker Carlson was talking about on his show heart inflammation at in Israel. They founded a 25 times the usual rate. With these young people that have been receiving the COBIT vaccination so now I look at it and say okay slowdown.
Everybody let's actually look at what's happening to young people in America. As a result, COBIT if you trust the numbers 100% soma say it's in the ballpark and give the CDC the benefit of the doubt. I'm feeling generous, so 22 years of age and under the been 1089 deaths in America alleged as a result of COBIT and that's all horrible. This, but there's 91 million people in America, 22 and under. So that's a .000012, chance of death or one and 83,000 she wanted 83,000 chance of dying him Cove.
If you're 22 and under so if were not sure of all the long-term impacts of these vaccinations and we aren't and if we have some concerning things out of Israel and Canada and Germany in here in America. Also, the vers and CDC came out earlier this week with same information looks problematic.
This heart inflammation issue for young people that have gotten the COBIT vaccine then is there anything wrong with saying slowdown not so fast, easy does it. There wanted to let off the gas. Give it some time here because they're really not at that much of a risk at all. One in 83,000 chance of dying from COBIT versus you have a one in 107 chance of dying in a car crash yellow one and 289 chance of dying from a going assault.
You have a one in 543 chance of dying in a pedestrian incident so no, we should be out walking around by this kind of logic you have one in 899 chance of dying in motorcyclists accident because most people don't ride motorcycles right yellow one and 1128 chance of dying from drowning one in 1547 fire or smoke one in lesson you have a one and 8240 chance of dying from sunstroke.
By comparison, 22 and under.
You have a one and 83,000 chance of dying from COBIT.
So what's the rush, or here's one now are getting closer yet a one and 58,000 chance of dying in a cataclysmic store, hurricane, tornado, flood COBIT one in 83,000 chance of dying. If you're 22 and under close to COBIT is death by dog attack.
One in 86,000 chance and then lightning your seat you get a better chance of dying by COBIT the needy from lightning lightnings one and 138,000 but if you actually go down to little kids like 12 and under their chance of dying from COBIT actually is more likely that the die from lightning strike. So what's the rush, and why are we doing clinical trials on six-month-old babies so you can hate Tucker Carlson all you want but when it comes to these issues. These facts speak for themselves. And when we know there's things coming up after only what 1011 maybe 12 months. At this point of actual data from people that actually receive these vaccinations when it's usually 7 to 10 years before we go full bore vaccinations out there in the public than what's wrong with slowing down but here North Carolina I mentioned this the other day, Gov. Cooper launching for $1 million cash. Drawings of scope in 19 vaccine incentive in North Carolina.
Why because I don't like the fact that half of us have said no thank you. At least not yet. Gov. Roy Cooper's launching for $1 million cash drawings as an incentive for North Carolina residents to get COBIT 19 vaccine and boost the states overall vaccination percentage over the next three months of summer for people for I'll go back to my model kind of voice ready for our people will win $1 million each for being North Carolinians who have gotten at least one vaccine in the state anyone early vaccinated would be eligible as well. So if you've Artie gotten it good for you, you're automatically entered North Carolinians 18 and over who get vaccinated Boulevard even backs and it will automatically be entered North Carolinians. Listen up kids, are you trying to go to college make something of your life.
North Carolinians from 12 to 17 will gotten at least one shot are automatically entered into for drawings to pay $125,000 for a college education of the school of their choice and so they're actually incentivizing something that is protecting you from something that's a one and 83,000 chance of killing you about the same as a dog attack and what's going on here. What is this I think their spiritual conditioning going on here forces of darkness conditioning people to just fall in line that's going on and it's just disturbing very disturbed okay let's switch gears, critical race theory in the school so we have two videos I want to listen to the both about two minutes because of the school board meetings. That's all they give you they can wax on day day in and day out, hour after hour after hour, but if your little common citizen a little plea be and you only get two minutes and so on one case were to listen to teacher in Fairfax, Virginia. Speaking to her school board and then the other case were to listen to a mom in Florida speaking to the state Board of Education. They're both talking about critical race theory.
The teacher happens to be white.
The mom happens to be black.
Let's start with the teacher and virginity got that set up right go on a Fairfax County public school teacher I'm get a message of encouragement to parents and teachers and students are too afraid to come and speak for the screen parents. The longer that you way and you don't hold your child schools accountable gives these guys more time to dictate what's best for your child's physical, mental and emotional health. Don't be afraid to speak out for your kids because they are voiceless and they did and they rely on you. You should be afraid of them rooting for socialism. By the time they get to middle school teachers.
It may seem that our careers have come to a dead end but I'm here to remind you we don't work the school board. We worked to mold the next generation of well-rounded American patriots. So don't give up because it is up to us students.
You are on the front lines of these indoctrination camps challenge the staff when you're presented with an ludicrous statement and do not allow anybody to tell you that you cannot accomplish anything because of your skin color or to hate yourself because of your skin color is up to you to be the next generation of victims or Victoire's, and finally to the board. This is an over and your policies are just and then they cut her. Mike so praise the Lord for this teacher that teachers are beginning to stand up and push back. That's why we had our friends Americana teachers aligns on the last week or two. That's a new basically like a teachers union that's growing around the state for conservative or just saying values and we have to encourage which means to lend courage to our teachers.
So if you have kids or grandkids in the school system. I can pretty much guarantee that there being, let's say a salted with critical race theory type teaching embedded that world used to just assume that it's happening to some degree.
And you gotta get in there and start challenging the teacher and you find some teachers alike, they might say behind closed doors. I agree with you, and then we need to encourage them and we need to stand up and be with them when they stand up in front of their own school boards and put their careers on the line for our kids here from the mom and we come back Bill movie Cruella by Disney and it is a pretty dark movie, but when you have a robust biblical worldview, you can walk into something like that in our 16-year-old daughter is really growing in her faith and's got a great head on her shoulders doesn't just buy things, hook line and sinker.
Now the younger your cheered child is the more you have to engage them if you can watch a movie and maybe get blindsided by it. If you seen the previews are saving about Carella. You can tell that that okay this looks like this could be a pretty dark story here, and it is so you have to go in there with a robust biblical worldview and then you mine out of it what you can and you have there's a lot there.
Okay, so some people just flat out gone ballistic. It's a tenant that indebted, to which I say, hey listen, if it's not coming out to God's word to some degree or another, all of its attendant and eat any movie any TV show Netflix series, whatever because were operating in the space shared space with the prince of the power, the error which Satan himself. You got satanic influence all over the place, except for the word of God and then use the word of God to measure everything else. So some people just will.
And this is individual choice are this plenty of liberty here where we disagree on things like this there's liberty and charity.
Okay, so not tell anybody what to do but it's it's been a little bit of a back-and-forth and should you let your kids see it. Should you not people like us the 10 anchors they at the end of this the acrylic to fill. They drove a car and that in the name of the cars to fill or something.
It's a Saville or Deville. Whatever it is and they say devil like Deville like devil and then the estate that she gets at the end of the movie had held in the name so she knocks awesome letters which assess hell estate or something like that so there's some pretty dark stuff there, but there's one mom on Facebook.
Jordan Harrell is a writer, a blogger who said that's what I thought was a particular helpful as it's a good way of looking at this is how I approach movies personally. There's a post circulating right now about my Christian parents shouldn't take their children to see Cruella because it is dark and standing themes in it as a mother of three who loves Jesus and believes in spiritual warfare. Protecting our children from certain mature themes until they're emotionally ready. I wanted to offer another perspective we sought last week.
Yes, there are definitely elements of darkness. After all, it's the origin story of Cruella Deville it showing how she came to be who she came to be.
You know what else is elements of darkness and themes of good versus evil courses, the Bible, she writes, as we all know Carella ends up bad so there's not a ton of redemption at the end. Although there are certainly good guys. You can point to throw trying to help and guide her, but goodness, there are countless lessons be be careful, being careful not to give up any spoilers. These are the conversations we had on the way home. So this if you're going to allow your kids to watch some of these things are a little edgy then just make sure if they're not old enough and they can't have these conversations and I would say yeah. Don't let them see you. But if you're old enough to engage in these conversations, it can be pretty ripe soil pretty fertile soil for Raven really good conversation, so she says a couple of these points in the moment about how Carella's past and the painful things that happen are created the bad guy we see in the other movies how she had good in her to her hair symbolized the battle of good and evil insider. Remember half of its black-white half of its black and half white. There is a battle inside this woman for multiple reasons.
By the way, but how eventually the darkness one because she didn't take take care of her pain.
In healthy ways.
That's deftly true how that pushed away the people who loved and cared about her and isolated her how she had good people trying to help her but she would listen because she was so consumed by her hatred. How she cared more about revenge than anything else until it nearly killed her. How hurt people hurt people ended up making bad choices because of their own trauma and mental illness. My kids got it. They loved it.
Movies and stories are such powerful way to develop empathy in our kids without them actually having to live through horrifying events. We talk so much about how there aren't really bad guys at school just hurt kids in this movie gave depth of that statement doesn't require guided conversations. Yes, it takes extra work from us, but our kids are so much smarter than we give them credit for their going to watch a movie about someone devolving in the Manas and think that looks cool out to be like her. They see the hurt and the pain they see the caution in the cautionary tale, especially if we talk with them about it and by the way, your kids are 9866-year-old nebula and are not there not grasping a lot, but it nine and eight I think of you can communicate effectively and say hey you know what we can see this movie can be entertaining in some ways this can be some dark stuff in here and some set stuff in your room talk about it afterwards okay and then you take everything, every thought captive that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and you learn from it because you take opportunities doing gave the gauge the culture when your kids are around and have those conversations because are to be inundated by it later when you can't have conversations any don't even know what their see her doing so, teach what you can teach and we live in. Up and out in any daily use of cultural information 34 GB a day of information's coming out everybody 34 GB a day like the most expensive iPhone you can buy has about 500 GB of storage. That would mean you have to wipe off the operating system and to fill that thing up with the information we get every day in about two weeks so were inundated. She got learn how to deal with the information is coming at you, including movies and in and I understand that a certain age for certain people based on your own conscience, sat at just can't let him see him and talk about seem R-rated, terrible, horrible movies, but edgy movies with darkness. You live in an edgy world with darkness. I would prefer to lean into that and teacher okay great story Jane Mertz to ski, who goes by night bird graduated from Liberty University in 2013. She was on America's got talent on Tuesday night she got the golden buzzer things to which they bypass all these other competitions you have to get you to get right to the live part of the show that they do to determine who wins the whole thing and she said cancer on and off since 2017 so she wrote the song called it's okay and they didn't know how to deal with her because she's got this horrific cancer story got 90% chance of dying. She's about 30, yet she's she's like you can't wait till evening's right to choose to be happy just it was just profound. I shared that video you watch it. I back and played on the air. We in trouble but go watch it.
It's really phenomenal. But then this morning I saw this blog that she wrote this was back in March okay and it's brutally honest and maybe if you're in a really dark place you've got this kind of health battle, or just in a really really dark place. I appreciate her sharing openly about her struggles to understand what's happening to her.
In the context of her faith, God's on the bathroom floors the name of it. I don't remember most of autumn. She just wrote this early this year because I lost my mind late in the summer and for long time after that I wasn't in my body was a lightbulb buzzing somewhere far member. She's a artist okay after the doctor told me I was dying and after the man I married said he didn't love me anymore. I chased a miracle in California and 16 weeks later I got the cancer was gone. But when my brain caught up with it all. Something broke. I later found out that all the tragedy.
It once had caused a physical head trauma in my brain was sending false signals of excruciating pain and panic.
I spent three months propped against the wall on nights that I could not sleep. I laid in the tub like an insect staring at my reflection in the shower knob. I vomited until I was hollow. I rolled up under my robe on the tile.
The bathroom floor became my place to hide where I could scream and be ugly where I could sob and spit and eventually goes off happy to be asleep. Even with my head on the toilet. I had cancer three times now and I've barely passed 30 there are times when I wonder what I must've done to deserve such a story, I fear, sometimes it when I die and meet with God, he will say I disappointed him or offended him or failed. Maybe I'll say I just never learn the lesson or that I wasn't grateful enough. But one thing I know for sure is this you can never say that he did not know me I am God's downstairs neighbor banging on the ceiling with a broomstick.
I show up at his door every day. Sometimes a song sometimes with curses.
Sometimes, apologies, gifts, questions, demands sometimes I use my key under the mat to let myself in other times I sulk outside until he opens the door to me himself.
I called him a cheat and a liar. And I mean it. I told him I wanted to die and I meant tears have become the only prayer I know prayers roll over my nostrils and dripped down my forearms. They fall to the ground as I reached for him.
These are the prayers I repeat day and night, sunrise sunset call me bitter if you want to, that's fair company among the angry, the cynical, the offended the hardened account. We also among the friends of God, for I've seen him in rare form.
I felt his exhale laid in his shadow squinted to read the message she wrote for me in the grout. I'm sad to have an explanation would help he would write me one. I know it, but maybe an explanation when only start an argument between us and I don't want to argue with God. I want to lay in a hammock with him and trace the veins in his arms. It's a beautiful thought like a heavenly father, picture, I remind myself that I'm praying to God to let the Israelites stay lost for decades. They begged to arrive in the promised land, but instead he let them wander, answering prayers. They didn't pray for 40 years, their shoes and where fire let their path each night. Every morning he sent them mercy bread from heaven. I look hard for the answers to the prayers that I didn't pray I look for the mercy bread that he promised to bake fresh from each morning Israelites called Manna which means what is it she's kind of funny. That's the same question I'm asking again and again. There's mercy here somewhere. But what is it what is it what is it she writes I see mercy in the dusty sunlight that outlines the trees in my mother's crooked hands and the blanket my friend left for me in the harmony of the wind chime is not the mercy that I asked for what it is mercy. Nonetheless, and I learned a new prayer. Thank you.
It's a prayer I don't mean yet, but will repeat until I do call me terrorist. Call me lost only scored but that's not all call me chosen blessed sought after combing the one who God whispers and secrets to. I'm the one whose belly is filled with loaves of mercy that were hidden for me.
Even on days when I'm not sick. Sometimes I go lay on the mat in the afternoon like to listen for him. I know it sounds crazy and I can't really explain what God is there even now. I've heard it said that some people can't see God because they won't look low enough through look lower.
God is on the bathroom. Can't see him look lower down in the dirt down the brokenness, but she's clinging to calling out to the Lord powerful. I really appreciate all sure that on Facebook life. He so much to consider so much pray about what our mercies are new every morning or not this is Steve Noble and Steve Noble still got willing to talk again real soon and like my dad always used to say ever for