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Have the Holiday Blues?

The Steve Noble Show / Steve Noble
The Truth Network Radio
December 21, 2020 4:11 pm

Have the Holiday Blues?

The Steve Noble Show / Steve Noble

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December 21, 2020 4:11 pm

Have the Holiday Blues? 

Have the Holiday Blues? Maybe someone you know has them.  Today Steve is joined by Dr. Tate Cockrell who is a Christian Counselor with over 25k hours of experience and he offers some great help for you or someone you know that is struggling this holiday season. 


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Thank you and God Bless


Wake up everyone it's time for the noble show where biblical Christianity meets the everyday issues of life in your home, at work, and even in politics.

Steve is an ordinary man who believes in an extraordinary God it on a show, there's plenty of grace and truth. No sacred cow call Steve now 86 34 three 866-34-TRUTH or checking out online, Steve Noble

Now most noble okay we got the recently about the holidays configuring the feeling that it is satisfied 60% financially strained 66% of experience and loneliness. 63% too much. Asher and 57% unrealistic expectations, 55% found themselves remembering happier times in the past, contrasting with the present, while 50% were unable to be with loved ones, and this isn't even a COBIT 19 study. This is a couple years old.

Okay, this is an article from a senior Cedars-Sinai course the great Medical Center. The holidays can be a stressful time for many people the shopping gathering and family time can add extra pressure and I would add, or lack thereof, given a COBIT 19 environment to our already busy lives for those dealing with mental health conditions like depression or anxiety. The holidays can make it even harder than five adults will suffer from mental illness. Each year, according to the national alliance of mental illness and of course those numbers are worse this year. Hashtag soon to be a T-shirt. Hopefully by yours truly. Because coalbed because COBIT or Wikipedia because COBIT what it is COBIT such a big deal. This is from a medical news for most people. Christmas will be very different this year.

No kidding. Christmas is traditionally time to share food and frolics with our nearest and dearest for most of us. This is unlikely to be the case with travel restrictions and quarantines in place we will need to adjust all of the pandemic has affected everyone in different ways, or seems to be little doubt that the average mental health of the population in the United States has declined to imagine living in London right now are Southeast Great Britain. They essentially essentially Boris Johnson. There with the new COBIT 19, locked down everything like hard-core less than a week for Christmas could imagine being there, but what about our kids check us out.

These are some letters that the post office received letters to Santa just recently, a Texas girl named Kimberly a quote this year's been tough on all of us do COBIT 19 my stepdad's only one working because the coma 19 yes stop working full time now is working less because a COBIT and all the money he gets his for paying the rent and the bills nine-year-old Alani asked for some Legos. Obviously, dear Santa this year's been rough because of krone. My mom said she can't get anything for me for Christmas because she's not getting paid as much so she cannot afford anything.

Savanna Grover Massachusetts PS I'm sorry if I've been bad. It's really hard because a COBIT 19 online school try to be good. Hope you understand me girl from Florida is a COBIT real are not. I just want to tell you that you're lucky she wrote that says that even though he lost his job. We will still find a way to celebrate and so you have all kinds of downsides because a COBIT 19. Add on top of that, the challenge that a lot of people maybe it's not you. So today as were talking our good friend Dr. Tae Cockrell from Southeastern Baptist theological seminary usually takes on theology Thursdays. You just we can get the schedule done last week can get it to jive so we punted till today, but you've got to two different people were kind of addressing today two different groups of people. If you have some holiday blues. Maybe it's worse now because a COBIT or just deal of anxiety and depression and just the holidays are difficult for some people because of COBIT rapture Christmas won't table won't have as many people as maybe you had a death in your family because a COBIT so there's the people those of you that are actually struggling with the holiday blues and for the rest of us that aren't. I'm pretty sure somebody in your life is that we need to know what to look for and how we can help them sort stocked our good friend Dr. Tae Cockrell associate Prof. counseling, the director of demon studies out of Southeastern Baptist is been a Christian counselor for years over 25,000 hours of counseling experience take my brother how are you Merry Christmas Merry Christmas to you always greatly would have me on your very welcome and such a great blessing you been to the show so we thank you for that. Over the years but this is this is a big deal and I thought we'd start with this is having an impact on you personally because COBIT and Christmas for your family. This year's a little different and it's in its your struggle a little bit what that so I appreciate your sharing that because I think a lot of people will be able to relate my wife, Wendy and I we been married for 27 years and every year we make the trip trip back to Mississippi which is where were prominent. We enjoy the holiday Thanksgiving and Christmas with our family. The first time in 27 years we've been married that we decided to stay here. You know in our home in Lake Forest where we live now because a COBIT unit will build a get together with our family the way that we play we normally have. And I wouldn't say that I'm depressed but I'm not definitely over the last few days, especially just come and think it matters different none of my just a funk. Maybe I'm just been a little bit of a funk that hasn't ever really enjoyed it as much of what I would normally enjoy this this Christmas season because everything is different in the way you normally use. You can counseling obscene for years and have you seen this in your own practice that people tend to just run and the sum some people because they're already struggling throughout the year and the holiday season just makes it worse but other people I would imagine. Maybe it's in the metal left field. Yeah, that really is currently coming every year I've got some similar clients that I see every year that the holidays are always difficult for them to your point earlier you said you know there's been immunity chair around the table with the holidays they are either greeting the fact that someone isn't going to be there and so that's pretty normative for me to counsel individuals like that during this time of year. What I'm seeing more of this year are individuals who may be in their marriages are struggling a little more than what they they normally are there there feeling down more. You do not necessarily depressed but you know they just describe it as you different font there there all night just earlier today I was I was in the session and the guy just said you know there's two or three traditions that we normally do as a family around Christmas and we really haven't done much tradition here because nobody really felt up to doing them.

So it's this this particular year is bizarre as it's been with lockdowns and whether you're here in North Carolina or somewhere else. That's why was I was looking forward to. Unfortunately looking for talking about this because I figured it's gotta be worse than normal, but the holiday blues is a pretty normal thing overall so people are experiencing that it's it's not like unique just of an individual is it not yet You need to individual loving it's pretty normal for for individuals who had change in living circumstances or they lost a loved one, and maybe even even something like they got individuals and their family there in the military that they can't be with them around the holidays. Traditionally we think about the holidays as a time of celebration time that we get to be around family.

We get to redesign, reconnect with people that maybe the holidays are the only times we see those into residuals during the course of the year is something they only see their their family members once or twice a year. This is one and now all of a sudden they're not going to be able to see that that's a big deal. Talking to Dr. C conferences AMCs Noblesville about the politics seems noble married your healing all that after all.

Maybe it's COBIT. Maybe it's just some anxiety and depression that you're having a hard time finding it but it's kicking you and then Thanksgiving. It's here and Christmas gets here and you see all this kind of cheer around people up Christmas tree places are selling out early Christmas. Christmas decorations are selling out early on that I think because of COBIT this year and even to some certain extent, the presidential election and politics in general and and it's just been a very challenging year for a lot of people in the holiday blues are real and a lot of people struggle. What that even more so would be my statistical analysis based on what I've read in the in the midst of everything going on COBIT and think and it was good to be over by Christmas 2020. What a joke. Now at this point right so if it's you that's dealing with it. Or perhaps we all need to look out for our friends and family people, coworkers, neighbors, whatever the case may be. So we talked about that we do this once a year around Christmas time we talked our good friend Dr. Tae Cockrell from Southeastern Baptist theological seminary is the associate Prof. counseling up in a Christian counselor himself with years and years and over 25,000 hours of counseling experience and so it's great resource for all of us again. Tae, thanks for taking the time so let's let's deal with the people. First, that are actually struggling with the holiday blues themselves.

What what does that kind of look like, how how Queens I guess self diagnosing for struggling with this yeah I think it individual Steve that they know that they have life experiences that there's a greater likelihood struggle around the stump year so they lost a loved one. You know a child. A parent, I always talk about the first for those kind of people so converted Christmas the first Thanksgiving. The first birthday the first anniversary this kind of thing. So that's that that's a very easily to identify population right there I think. Secondly, you have individuals that played. If you are deleted to show that due to COBIT there there having to face is the very real reality gets different than what they were anticipating and so there's just some unmet expectations. They never would have dreamed in the mean years. They were to be in this place that they're in and now you know your we are just, you know, less than a week away from Christmas and it's not looking at all the way they thought it was gonna look left pretty easily to identify population as well. You got that stress around Christmas because there's increases in no expenses related to gifts and yet if people are going to travel and those kinds of things.

Then there is a likelihood that that maybe they can't do the things that they want, either for you know for their kids or for their family members or friends or whatever, that's another easily to identity to identify population as well and I think lastly you got this group of individuals that maybe there people who care for all of these populations that we've been talking about with folks who are struggling with the holiday blues and just their exposure to having to care for individuals that are struggling right now is really robbing them of some of their joy as well because of just the constant exposure that they have to being around individuals who were suffering around this season yeah great point and I would add to that, similar to what you shared earlier and I talked to a really good friend earlier today who was having a long time family events disrupted by a few folks who are really you know whether they're overly concerned about it or not. Another subject, but were concerned about having some of the older folks around in a gathering around Christmas time, and so great disappointment. There and also the strife of the kind about whether it's COBIT or politics. Whatever house divided, I think we have houses divided a lot more this year than we did last year and people not doing mean that that's touched my family little bit in terms of what you do and don't do this Christmas that perhaps you been doing for 10, 15, 20, 25 years like you shared Tate and all those things makes for a significant population of folks that are struggling in one way or another, and then for people that are struggling with anxiety and depression generally. I would imagine that the holidays can kind of exacerbate that problem as well.

Is that correct yeah they got pre-existing anxiety, depression, and no any kind of mental health issue you and they're going into this season with any of the many challenges that you have been talking about already, then there's a greater likelihood that they're going to suffer. You know during this period because they are there already predisposed to that you know there there already predisposed to have a sensitivity to have anxiety or depression or to have greed for our guilt. Or any of those kinds of things that they get wrapped up in this know in that holiday and you know you got a scenario where like with us when you know when when when we get together as a family and windy side of the family. They all cannot live in one area we been blasted and a lot of them are still living, so we get together for Christmas lunch. There's 4045 people show up for that. Well of course they're not going to do that this year, you know, so there's really no reason for us to go all up when I get to be able to see anybody you know just to make that trip left. That's a huge disappointment when this is what the one one of the couple of trips that we make back to our hometown.

You know in Mississippi.

That's a big deal that is a big deal. So is this something if you're struggling with the holiday blues that you said try to figure out a way to snap out of it. Get out of it or or more or less, work your way through it what what should be kind of the immediate attitude for the person that struggling I get everything working your way through it is, is the better option. You know went typically use this example all the times that you probably heard me use this illustration on how to snap out of it. What they usually try to do as they try to just tell themselves not to think that way or not to feel that weight illustration I would use it if you tell yourself not to think about a pink elephant. That's all you can think about things that they tell themselves you know I don't want to want to feel this way. I don't want to be depressed. Larry, even just think the word depressed or holiday blues or anxiety every time they just think about that word. They're going to feel that way right through snapping out of it very rarely works right just telling yourself not to feel that way. As a general rule, it just is not a good strategy right so working your way through it, however, and just being able to say okay so what what is it that's causing the way I'm feeling what I'm thinking what am I believing getting yourself even permission to feel that way for a certain amount of time but and also setting some goals to citing a light you know what like it's okay that I'm a little down, you know, today at you and I talked about this before we always do the show around the same period of time. My brother is no longer living. You died whenever he was 19, December 6 birthday December 13 is the anniversary of his death, I give myself permission willto be a little more down than what I normally am. But then I tell myself a case like a gate you gave yourself an opportunity to greet it's okay to do that. But the next day like I need to move all my going to be thinking about something else is a rather than just telling myself don't feel grief or move on. I just redirect my thoughts to something that's more fun and more enjoyable, more celebratory give me an opportunity to invest in somebody else's life. I deftly think that's a better way to work through it, as opposed to just snap out of it.

Don't feel that way anymore kind of approach what you say to people that I like, well, that sounds like you just trying to escape, that you need to really lean into it and spend time on and I guess that's that's that's a serious question in terms of how much should we invest in this. If it's a short season, you know the holiday season. How much should we invest in managing our expectations as well. Yeah, I forget the great question. Here's what I would setting a lot of it depends where you are in the grieving process right so just yesterday I learned that a former boss of mine.

His mom went to be with the Lord yesterday so you know if you get to spend more time investing in the grieving process.

Even right now during the holidays.

Of course he is yet my brother died 32 years ago this year and I get to spend as much time investing in that great process, absolutely not. So, time and distance. The circumstances are all Dennis also play a role in Matt and I would say no like I got some friends. This is the first Christmas that Satan ever have. Where their child is going to be with you. Spend a little more. There is a little more time investing in the process of talking about the holiday blues and practical steps and we come back to back is still talking about the holiday blues today. I was just querying my friends on Facebook live is going to join us here in the totally awesome studio you can join us by video right there doing the regular radio show right Monday through Friday 4:56 PM Eastern time. About 30 stations, most of which are in North Carolina, which is my home state were trying to really focus these days. But if you want to be part of the video and see what's going on right here literally in the studio.

It got upgraded all of our studio stuff when we move last summer, which is another interesting coven curveball. This year I didn't have anything to do with COBIT but it is 2020, so nothing surprises me at this point but you, knowing that because of COBIT and some things that we are doing content wise throughout the year. I got really vastly expanded our reach on Facebook and so we wanted to step into that.

So we have only studio and built a much more for video, so it's pretty cool plus on Facebook live if you want to join us as just go to the Steve Noble show page on Facebook and that while you're listening to commercials are super important helps keep the radio going then on Facebook live. We kinda have a sidebar conversation. It's like a judge approach the bench. Okay the commercials play and then you approach the bench bench being here with me in the studio and then we can have a sidebar conversation so I asked my friends on their how many of you know somebody are somebody that's really been struggling this year with unique to 2020 is that and and I and every single person that's responded so far has said yes including myself, and then in some really challenging things that people are sharing on Facebook live with marriage and finances and family members and family members getting dementia all kinds of businesses failing businesses shrinking vastly. I mean, this is serious business. Whether it's you or somebody you know how we deal with the holiday blues is something that we need to be aware of. We need to be sensitive to it. Whether it's for yourself which were talking to Dr. Tate Cockrell today. Our good friend from Southeastern Baptist theological seminary who besides teaching out.

There's also been a Christian counselor with over 25,000 hours of experience or looking out for people around you.

This is a very important subject. We need to turn up the gain on our radar screen and and look out for it. If it's not yourself and probably odds are based on everybody here on Facebook. Live everybody every single person is like Yep Yep Yep Yep that lots of challenges out there again taping help help us understand. Thanks for your time again today, so some practical things to speak to the front friends out there that are struggling themselves with the holiday blues which is kind of a short list of practical things they can do to again not blink and make it go away but to work through it. This holiday season.

I think upwards about the you not not just staying up in your head. I mean, you know what a lot of people do whenever they get the holiday blues as they begin to isolate himself, stay at home they stay in the bed. They usually don't don't don't go see friends and don't talk on the fall.

They don't time and the more they do that the worsening of the worse it gets.

I mean, anytime you're fighting the battle inside your head. You're doing that alone you lose and so one of the first things they need to do is is a need to get get outside of their own. They need to talk to somebody doesn't have to be somebody like me doesn't have to be a counselor.

It doesn't have to be a trained professional. I mean it could be just a good friend. It could be a pastor. It could be a small group leader at their church. It could be a neighbor to be a family member but they need to talk to somebody they need to.

It's amazing to me for coming times. I have conversations with people in my office and counseling and they start saying they start talking to me and as they say it out loud.

They say to me when I found crazy doesn't and I didn't even say anything like they figured it out on their own. Just because they were able to say it out loud and so I think number one just to help them get outside of their own. No exercise is good just being out to get outside, walk around, smell the fresh air. See the sunshine on the net that's you know that the body has a tremendous ability to be able to recover. Just whenever we get is moving a little bit and it doesn't just stay stagnant so so that's helpful. I think being able to join in with their faith family in some way, even if they can't attend in person you know you go a year ago, he would've thought you steal a year ago, one of things I would say it is meant go to church yet. A lot of a lot of our churches don't have that ability. You know right now some of them are nicely welcoming people actually in person lease online, but if you can do it live to be able to see someone cut someone hang out with someone that's just incredibly helpful to be able to do that and then lastly in this.

This sounds almost counterproductive. But you know we talk about this every year say that one of the best ways that people who are struggling with. This can help themselves is to help somebody else you know is to user experience by reaching out to somebody else and say in a man like I know this is a difficult time of year for you. It's a difficult time for me as well, but I want to try to give back our China level somebody you know, I want to serve. I want counsel I want to minister to somebody that's one of the best ways that they can feel better is just by simply giving to somebody else of their time to calendar treasure in some way be nearly reach out and touch someone starting to gratefully mention activity which obviously that that would include exercise, but what about sleeping and then just die. I know it sounds maybe trivial, but I think it's probably pretty important. You know, one of the things that's interesting about sleep in particular Steve is that depressed people especially many of them sleep a lot but they don't rest and there's a difference between those two.

And so it really is important that people get good rest and that is they allow their brain to shut down before they actually go to sleep that they don't sleep too much to the point that they don't actually rest because then the sleep becomes restless in the REM cycles get you get all messed up but they do need sleep in and all and watching too much television and they stay up in their sleep cycle gets all messed up because there up at all crazy, the hours you know of the day and once again that start happening in. And now, just like I said earlier how your body can work with you. It can also work against you, and now your body is working against you because it's trying to claim the rest. That is so desperately need and an diet is a is a big part of this. You know, during the seasonality of your all these wild sugar cycles. With all this crazy heat during the holidays. You can have these incredible highs because your your eating, you know the foods that you love and they taste wonderful but then you have the hard crashes on the other side of that once the sugar runs out and so did you just can't get on that roller coaster of you feel great for 30 minutes but then you feel awful for three hours. You know what, about anything in particular. Just people struggling with this holiday season. As a result of just kind of the crazy covert situation, whether it's how it affects your family gatherings or just in general, how should we kind a process that trying to enjoy the birth of our Savior in the midst of all this crazy covert stuff man. Such a good question Stephen. You mentioned the word that I think is the key to all of this earlier and its expectations I eat. This is a good reset.

I had this conversation with the guy just a couple of days ago. You know he's going to a really tough time in and that can be a different Christmas for him because of his living situation in it, and here's what I said doing I said hey man would make for the first time in you in the history of your life. Maybe for the first time you can get to celebrate Christmas morning unencumbered by many of the things that often take the place of the reason why we should be celebrating Christmas and so I think part of it is if we can just change our expectations for what it really what is Christmas all about. And yes, it's great to have fun with our family. It's great to celebrate with our family.

It's great to get gifts.

It's great to enjoy great food. I don't want to knock any of that because all of those are wonderful, but you and I both know that they pale in comparison to the incarnation of Christ, and that's the reason why we celebrate Christmas and so I think I read this may actually give us, like it did with churches and ministries we were resetting whenever they were shutting down all the sudden churches started finding creative ways how to do discipleship and worship and a lot of churches really move the ball forward in terms of connecting with their congregations in ways which they never have. I think Christmas this year for a lot of people really might be a reset for the everyday segment for the first time in a long time we were really focused on the things that were most important and not so focused on the secondary issues. Bigger isn't always better. And in the certainly all of us.

I mean, what are you going for walks with your spouse this year, your family and me. We it's been an interesting kind of return to us older lifestyle, as we have been able to go out as much got to eat as much and go to dinner as much and and go to movies is much which is heartbreaking to me but but then you also you find yourself at home which is brought it's challenges we talked about that earlier in the year, but especially this holiday season may be smaller is much better in terms of the development of our faith when we come back in the breakout I want to talk about, some practical things, but set help us set up the conversation Tate. For those of us that are doing okay this holiday season. Should we be again back to that word expectations should we expect that this people around us that are struggling and what should we look for you absolutely absolutely should expect their people around you that are struggling.

I would be shocked if there's any one of your listeners that doesn't have someone in their life and their church in their immediate family and their extended family. Someone in their neighborhood. I would be shocked if they are close to someone who is struggling, whether they know it or not.

So get if gift if they all of a sudden start realizing that hey you know normally miss Susie down the street. I normally see her walking and I haven't seen her. She has a pacifier house walking like she does every afternoon at five. I have seen that in for five days or you know-seen someone cylinders on the zooms. You know I like grouper that they're connecting in church I seen them in a while. I haven't seen them in church or normally whenever I go to the coffee pot I get my coffee at work normally GM you know he's talked to me. He says something to me like you start seeing something that's out of the ordinary. What I always say is always there something going on and talk to Dr. to console to get up there and we come back to back is good to be with you today our annual show where unfortunately we talk about something that a lot of people struggle with her if it's not too if you're not struggling with the holiday blues pretty much guarantee you you know somebody that is so what you look for how you look out for that and and how you engage that.

How do you lovingly, you know, insert yourself in that situation. If you have a friend that struggling with the holiday blues and that's why were talking our good friend Dr. Tate Cockrell today from Southeastern Baptist theological seminary, and I usually we would talk to Tate and a theology Thursday, but today we're just doing it that which I think is better timing the Monday of Christmas and New Year's coming up and you can just assume if anybody struggling with, the holiday blues. Now it to just start today so I talking about take kind of people that we look out for. So you're talking about routine things that there's a difference and we normally see them walking we normally see him in some situation, we don't see them but what are some other telltale signs that perhaps someday that we know are friend of ours is struggling with the holiday blues well a lot of times the happening years people that were particularly people that were a little closer to what you usually do it Can't hurt you somewhere along the way that maybe they want to talk about it or that are struggling and often times what we do is we just rush right past that and it is an invitation for us to step he had to say. You know hey are you doing okay, what's happening, you know that but usually what people are not going to be Stevens are not just gonna come out and say I am feeling depressed or I'm dealing with her usually can say is something like management been a tough year 2020's been a tough year magic can't get enough Christmas spirit. The way that the way I normally cannot work there there again I can't drop something out there to see if you'll bite on that and when I tell people all the time. It is is you note, even if they're not dropping that here know he's going to get angry at you if you can hear enough about them to say hey are you doing okay. Like Taylor anything we need to talk about like that you know you feeling okay your yelling down are you hey I know this may be a tough time for you to get angry at that. But if they do drop that again and you don't say something to them that there's a likelihood that they might think Nana. I wish someone cared enough about me to ask about what's going on in my you know in my life. So if they drop those against and then certainly be aware of that.

So they you know it or here's another thing you hear someone he says to you. Hey, I'm worried about a friend are. I'm worried about. I'm worried about a family member but I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say Rachael Ray can reach out to them and have that you know have that conversation when eating and eating habits Shay Lynn people talk about how they can't sleep.

You are not sleeping well or they have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning because I don't arrested a lot of the symptoms that we talked about with individuals who were suffering if we have opportunity to find out those kinds of things from other people.

Those are our open doors of opportunity to step into other people's lives yet so important. I live that said when they were depressed previously.

They didn't tell anybody. And so you know, unless you asked. Yes, you have to look out for these things you talk about little statement subtle statements that they that they make. But what about kind of emotional tells of any use. Like card player languages. Should we actually be paying attention to somebody's out maybe a little more emotional one direction or another than usual. Yeah and what I would say yes. It may not necessarily be in one direction. It stated maybe in both directions, you know, we talk about maybe emotional volatility or emotional variability where we note that they seem to just become overly emotional either direction really really easy like it seems like their emotions just gonna get get the best of them like in a one minute they're there there teary-eyed in the next minute they're laughing. I have a big emotional tale that I use with my clients because it's a common defense mechanism, especially people in the West and that is often times when people are really struggling with something they'll still try to laugh it off because they don't want other people to know that there's going and so they'll say something that's difficult but didn't know, say it with a chuckle and I usually just don't let that go. You know me like I usually say thank you said that you know a little bit of a chuckle there. But you know like that's it. That's a big issue that you just talked about it you are you doing are you doing okay with that so that back and often times the emotional tale when you see the the body language or tone of voice or something like that that's inconsistent with the emotion that there that they're actually showing that can be I can be a really big emotional tale as well so so when we notice something out of the ordinary like this whether it's a little thing they say a routine is off.

Emotional volatility then then what what can we do that would actually be helpful yet so I think one. Yes, we can pray for them and I don't mean say were going to pray for them. I mean like legitimately pray for and pray for right then asked them if we can we can pray for them. My mom had a lady in her life, and after after my brother died for a long time. She would just regularly call my mom in the morning and just say can I pray for you you I know that this is a difficult season of life for you cannot you cannot just pray for you and and would pray live with her on the phone so all we often times Christians sometimes we can use prayer like a Band-Aid.

We can use it. We just got a site I'll pray for you what I started doing is like if I'm on the phone even if I'm on the phone with some I don't like you not appreciate your prayers.

What I usually say yes, pray for you right now you know like there's no reason why we can't pray over the telephone.

You got to be sitting in my office or in my home to be able to do that so I think number one we can we can pray for my thick number two we can listen to him so often times when we interact with people he maybe struggled with the holiday blues we want to give them all the answers. Here's all the Bible verses that you need to do are that you need to read. Here's all the things that you need to do.

Here's what you need to believe here's how you need to think like we want to coach them through that oftentimes what they needed they just need a listening ear that you know that you know that oftentimes around the holidays people date they want to talk about that love one that that that's been lost.

They want to talk about that person that nobody else wants to talk about. They desperately want to relive a memory and so I have failed it. I will just be willing to listen to those people that is a really really practical step like I asked the question and then be patient and not to wait on the answer and encouraged him to talk more about that level. On the extreme side should we be willing to just use the word escalate. Maybe get somebody else involved. Call a pastor talk to another Christian get some more counsel should we be willing to go there yet. No question.

I think the question I think number one, especially if you don't know this person super well you can even get other people are involved, it may know them better than you then certainly do that yet. They're a member of a faith community to get a pastor you know or small group leader. Some I like that to get involved.

If you're really concerned that during the season gets really tough on the airmen and certainly if you have any thoughts of self harm or suicide or anything like that even even getting a A professional counselor or the authorities. You know involved would be necessary next step as well so I can't hearing well for people means that we're willing to make. Sometimes the hard decisions that are for their best interest. Even if they don't know what's in their best interest to agree .0 and what a great phrase to get a finished hearing well for people. What's when the Lord says you know that love the Lord your God with our heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. You're included in that caring well for people it's not just you caring for others, but you need to be especially careful, especially this time your tent to care well for yourself. Dr. to Cockrell at Southeastern Baptist theological seminary. Always a blessing. Thank you so much for helping us with this and a Merry Christmas to you and your family, buddy hey Merry Christmas to you and your family as well.

Thanks Rafael for your walkable talk again. Thanks so much, that was a doctor to Cockrell again. He's on staff out at Southeastern Baptist theological seminary and just does a great job. We we talk to him every year about marriage. We talk about raising teenagers parenting that kind of stuff, but also about anxiety and depression. We talk about medication that can be a pretty hot topic for especially for us Christians.

And so Tates has been a wonderful blessing not only to the show but that to my family specifically wanted to mention this because this is happening tonight so if you aren't aware of it you miss it you know they call it the Christmas star. This is from the daily wire you get this information all over the place. How to see double planet first time in 800 years Jupiter and Saturn. The two largest planets in our solar system will soon line up and look like a double planet site not seen since the middle ages the rest of us still event will occur after sunset today the start of the winter solstice, but also will be visibly close to Christmas night quote alignments between these two planets are really read it rather rare occurring once every 20 years or so, but this conjunction is exceptionally rare because of how close the planets will appear to one another. That's a rice astronomer Patrick Hartigan said in a statement you have to go all the way back to just before Donna March 4 1226 to see a closer alignment between these objects in the night sky while people close to the equator will have the best view of the double planet will be visible from nearly everywhere the pair though will be low on the horizon in the continental United States. Odds are that's for you and for me low on the horizon to see them find a dark place. About an hour after sunset and look toward the south western sky Southwestern Skype you have smart phone you can actually a compass app on their KB need some help with that of course will need a cloudless night to see the planets of the Saturn and Jupiter will be close on Monday night tonight will appear very close together until December 26 which will be this Saturday. They Lyman has been coming for a long time Jupiter orbits the sun every 12 years. While Saturn's orbit takes 30 years that while in every couple of decades Jupiter lab Saturn. According to NASA, so again that's tonight about an hour after sunset, sunsets, about 5 PM Eastern Arezzo right around 6 PM low on in the southwestern sky Southwestern pretty low on the horizon. So if you're surrounded by trees probably need to change that by going somewhere where there aren't a bunch of trees which is pretty difficult here in North Carolina but that's going on and you know that that was that the Christmas star did that happen is that explained the Celeste Teal event that we learn about in the Gospels and the star that the Magi saw all of that kind of stuff, some to me I'm like well that's interesting, but ultimately it's not critical it's not mission-critical, it's not gospel critical. So don't get bogged down in things that you should get bogged down in your focus on the Savior. The stars are awesome little hole that can see the actual arrival of our Lord and Savior, who by the way, was not Christmas porn for Easter. Something to remember whether your homeowner association not not not wink wink to a homeowners association in the Raleigh area.

Oh my goodness, keep your sense of humor friends and I keep your eye the Lord stay close to him abide in him and him and you will bear much fruit.

This is Steve Noble and Michelle God willing I'll talk to you again real soon. Like my dad always used to say ever

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