The heart of every man craves a great adventure, but life doesn't usually feel that way. Jesus speaks of narrow gates and wide roads, but the masculine journey is filled with many twists and turns.
So how do we keep from losing heart while trying to find the good way when life feels more like a losing battle than something worth dying for? Grab your gear and come on a quest with your band of brothers who will serve as the guides in what we call The Masculine Journey. The Masculine Journey starts here now. Welcome to The Masculine Journey.
We're glad that you're with us today. If you've been part of the pre-show, we were going to have to call it the lethargic journey, I think, because we were just all barely even grunting anything. It was just like now, kind of.
You may hear sounds that sound like snoring, but it's not really snoring, it's sound effects. Is it? Yeah. Okay. Well, that's good. Yeah. Well, it's probably when Andy will be talking. Yeah. Yeah. Andy, you're not going to say anything to that?
You know, you could pull the mic right over towards you if you wanted to say something. He's like pi or squared. I'm going to leave you hanging like you do me. Oh, okay. I just thought it was the effects of the pi. I'm experiencing a sugar crash here. You could be. You could be.
Well, welcome to Masculine Journey. We are small in numbers today compared to some weeks. Even at that, there's still, what, six of us in the studio? I had to use both hands for a minute. Almost had to take your shoes off. Yeah, it was getting close. I was concerned. But now we have six of us in the studio, and it seems lean, which is weird.
There was a day and an age where if we had three in the studio, it seemed like, wow, we had a crowded house. And so it's funny how God's chosen to grow the ministry and expand the ministry with just lots of different voices and lots of different experiences. And so anyway, onto this week's show. I was trying to think of a topic, and I was watching a TV show called Reacher.
It's kind of like a, I don't know, action kind of TV show on a Prime video. And so in a scene, there was a father-son kind of interchange, which we'll use that clip in the after hours, about understanding where some of the woundedness came from, where the son's wounds had come from the father, and there was some breakthrough. And it really made me think about the topic of going back and just saying, okay, let's look at father slash mother wounds, uncovering those, exposing those, letting God bring those to us, and then have him enter and help us heal those and how those go. And I think people get stuck a lot of times because you don't want to feel like you're talking bad about your parent.
And it's not that. I mean, I love my kids with all my heart. I know there are times I have not been a good parent. And there's plenty of stories they could tell that are completely true that would not reflect well upon me. That doesn't change my heart towards them.
It doesn't change any of that. And so part of that is, and my kids and I have had a lot of those conversations as they've tried to get past the woundedness that I was a part of in their life. And to be able to dialogue together on that's been kind of important. And so realizing that we do make mistakes and our parents made mistakes and they were broken people, you know, just like everyone else.
No one can hear you shake your head, guys. There's just those conversations of grace of whether, you know, our kids have them for us or we have them for our parents. I mean, I think they kind of work hand in hand to where you begin. I mean, we're our fallen humanity. You know, we know that we're not always going to be that. But there's, we all know also that parent to parent woundings are the most, they're the hardest to deal with because they're supposed to be the most trusted person in your life to, you know, to take care of you and to nurture you.
That's the way God created it. But we're broken. So it's kind of a catch 22. You're going to do it.
I mean, you're not going to pay up, you're not going to parent without hurting your kids some way. And so, you know, just, but I have a lot more grace for myself. And I have a lot more grace for my dad as I go deeper into these topics of wounding. Darrell Bock Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Well, Dandy, that brings us to the first clip, which is yours tonight. Dandy Yeah. And, you know, to add to that, you know, I mean, Andy mentioned, you know, we live in a fallen world. And so there is that generational stuff that rolls down. And it's all through Scripture where you see, you know, one generation to another to another. And so a lot of it is what we deal with there. Right. And it's really, in a sense, not somebody's fault.
It's just, that's the way the cards fail. And, you know, this, this clip that I chose was from Fire Country, one of my favorite shows and the about firefighters out in Southern California, and there, there is a family business with him. And the son who you're hearing this clip, Bodie, he has, his life has come apart, run off the rails, and he's in prison. He's in a fire camp where he does get to firefight.
And he's working his way out to out of incarceration altogether. And in this scene, his, what has happened is that there was a there was a car wreck years before this and his sister got killed. He was in the wreck and his sister got killed.
And so it fragmented the family. And in this scene, the father has come to the prison for some sort of, I forgot what was going on, and they didn't think he was going to show up. And so him and Bodie are having a conversation about the past and their perception of what life was supposed to be like and what they see. And you can hear the contrast in it. Both of them, you miss the mark on what they thought the other one was in this. And, and, but it was a, the beginning of a conversation that brought healing.
You don't hear it in the clip, but it is, it's profound. And I'll tell you why I chose it on the backside of it, but you can go ahead and play. It's you here. Didn't think I'd ever see you here either. I'm a disappointment.
I get it. I'm the problem. Like always, I shouldn't have told you to go. I regret that for the rest of my life, but it should have been you who died that night instead of Riley. I know, I know, no, no, nobody, your fourth generation Cal fire legacy should be you with me at station 42. You should be my right-hand guy. I saw you out there today. You were born for this, but you never wanted anything to do with it.
And Jake did. What does that mean? No, I'm asking you.
I'm asking my son. You heard me. You're my son up on the mountain told Jake that at least you owned up to what you did. What, what did he do? He broke Riley's heart the night of the accident.
The last thing she felt before she died was pain. You telling me that Jake and Riley, he didn't tell you that either. I'm not perfect. Okay. I know that. And I know the mom wants her family back, but from where I'm standing, you all made a family without me while making me be the bad guy.
You can tell mom I'm sorry, but I don't want back in on that. You can hear the guilt and, and, and the shame out of Bodie. You know, he, he, I know I'm a disappointment.
I mean, he labels himself all through this thing and you know, and his dad just trying to process this as well. And, and, you know, in my own life and not until, you know, really joined this ministry that I dug deep enough to see some stuff in my own life that, and I'm not sure why, and I'm still in that process that you know, the enemy piled guilt and shame on me at a very early age. And I just never overcome that for a long, long time.
And, you know, and I, I did some things later on that were worthy of guilt and shame, no doubt as we all do, I guess. But in that, you know, being the, the, the skinny curly haired kid that everybody picked on in school and, you know, wasn't sure what it was they saw in me that they didn't like, but it made me not like it too. And I wasn't even sure what they didn't like. And I transferred that to my father that, you know, if, if these kids didn't like me and that, you know, that kind of thing, there's no way he likes me because I wasn't the athletic kid. I wasn't the, you know, I was a strange bird and I liked different stuff. I was kind of artistic and, and that kind of thing.
And dad was more the, the outdoors, rough fixed things and, and, and, and that kind of guy fishing and that kind of thing. And I like those things, but I'd prefer to go do something else. And I liked baseball, but I wasn't good at it, but I would prefer to go do something else. And so I transferred all that.
And so there's no way a father could love a son who wasn't the star athlete. It wasn't, I put labels on myself that didn't belong. And so stayed wounded in that for many, many years and, you know, tried to change it being the rough, tough guy, you know, alcoholism, drug addiction almost killed me.
And, but it wasn't until recent years. And we talked about this in the pre-show, you know, I began to understand dad's story a little bit and, you know, Papa Rob was a farmer and farming is, is, is, is rough, hard work. And he had five boys and he expected them to help him, you know, stay afloat.
And so I think he'd come across real hard. And I think dad kind of took the opposite approach with us because dad was always kind dad help anybody, but dad just kind of played his cards close to his chest. So you really didn't know what was going on between his ears and then out of his heart, because he didn't express that outwardly, but yet he was a good kind man. And, you know, he was at every baseball practice. He was at every game, you know, he made sure we had what we wanted and, or what we needed and then some of what we wanted. So he expressed his love into things he did for us. And, but having unwind all that is, is tough. And that's, you know, that's what I saw in this clip. It's also what I saw in my own life is, you know, it wasn't communicated well on either side of the fence and it hasn't been, but just recently, you know, we've been able to communicate some of that stuff and that, you know, to kind of unpack some of this wound in the neck and even in my own life, because the blessing of the father has, and I know we get short on time, but the blessing of the father is on about who you are in position, not what you can do.
Absolutely. Well, thank you, Danny. We do have officially our, our fall bootcamp is posted to where you can go register for it. It's coming up the weekend before Thanksgiving. I think that is the 20th through the 23rd, if I remember correctly. And so that's November. If you didn't know when Thanksgiving was, I was going to say, you can leave them hanging on the bus.
Well, you know, I would have thought most people. How many weeks? What we have at our bootcamp is something that makes you stronger and gives you the strength to go on your regular walk with God. It's something that will make you be bigger than you were when you got there. What brings you here this weekend? So I met Robby and he invited me to come to the bootcamp and there was just so many doors that were closed before I was able to come here, but God allowed these things to happen. And I said, you know, God, I'm going to, I'm going to ultimately acknowledge what's going on for all these doors to be open for me to come to this camp.
I just want to see you. So throughout that time, since I've been here, you know, just the illumination of God speaking to me through my heart and through my mind and through my soul is just, it's went to a whole other level since I've been here at the bootcamp. The covenant of silence after the talks and being able to go out and just submit myself to being able to hear from God and what we've been working on. And it's just been transparent in my life, the level of the sanctification process, the discipleship process, and coming here, I feel like this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. Register today at MasculineJourney.org.
Welcome back to Masculine Journey. That's Eric Clapton with a song, My Father's Eyes. And so Danny, I want you to speak a little bit to that bump, and then I'll speak a little bit to it as well. Well, he's saying, and we were talking in a pre-show, he was looking into his father's eyes and, you know, we kind of spun it with looking through my father's eyes. And, you know, as I was saying before the break, you know, dad's told me some stories about, you know, the way he saw things.
And I did not know that they had a chance to move twice. He actually had a chance to go work overseas one time, but he chose not to. There was some adventure in him that he needed living, and he was offered a job, but he had a motorcycle.
I won't ever forget the story that I absolutely loved growing up. It was a Honda 500, and he bought me a minibike that matched one time, which was super cool. But all of a sudden, one day, the motorcycle disappeared.
I mean, and I never knew why until a few years ago. He said he was riding down to see one of his buddies about 20 miles away in another town. Car slammed on brakes in front of him, and he run off the road and went in between the car and the sign and didn't lay it down, didn't wreck. But he said when he got the thing stopped, he turned around and went back to the house and never got on it again, because in his own eyes, he said I had a son at home, which would have been me, and one on the way, which was my brother.
They were going to need him, and he just didn't need to take that risk. So seeing that perspective, I'm thinking, man, the motorcycle is cool, and I love motorcycles and that kind of thing. But from his perspective, we were more important than any adventure he was going to have. It's called love. Absolutely.
Yes. Whether expected or at all, it's hand-in-hand or heart-to-heart, whether one or not. Yeah, that's a great point, Grant. You're exactly right, Danny, on the – you know, we spun a little bit looking through the Father's eyes, but also in order to get wounds addressed, you're going to have to push into God. And we can't often look into his eyes, but we can feel his heart, right? We can feel his words to us through Scripture, through other things, you know, and dig into those with God, right? And so it's through the Father's eyes that things are going to happen.
You know, when we're talking about Father wounds, that often some of those things are healed as we look through our Father's eyes. But I'm going to kind of switch gears a little bit here. I had a clip picked out, and I had the bump picked out, you know, and I was sending the topic out, and I will probably talk most of the rest of the segment.
I apologize already. I had everything picked out, and I was sending the text to the group saying, we're going to be talking about uncovering the Father wound and healing the Father wound. And I felt God, the Holy Spirit, Jesus, you know, one of the three, one of the one, however you want to look at that, kind of just say, well, you got to put mom in there. I'm like, yeah, okay. You know, someone may have like a mom thing that they need to work on.
That's fair. And so I, you know, hit the backspace thing and went and said, father slash mother, you know, uncovering those wounds and healing them and thinking, okay, you know, maybe that'll be all right. I've already got my clip. I already know what I'm going to talk about.
I know what I'm going to talk about on my dad. I'm set. You know, I'm good. And I'm ready to relax for the afternoon on Sunday.
I'd kind of set my afternoon just to kind of relax. I've had a very stressful last few weeks. And so I get a text from, from my ex-wife and we're still close, you know, with the kids and everything and we communicate well and, and so forth. But she sent me a text and said, I know this is going to be a hard week. I'm praying for you. And for a moment I was just lost in like a hard week. And then I remembered today, the day we're recording the show nine years ago, my mother passed away. That was a hard week. And as soon as I remember that a wound at my mother's bedside came to my memory. And I knew I needed to dig into that with God. And so before I get into that, I'm going to play a clip and then I'll come back and talk about the rest of that story.
But, uh, this is from gardens of the galaxy, the first one. And what happens in this scene is you have Peter, who's a young boy, eight or so years old, his mom's dying of cancer. He knows he's going to have to go live with his grandpa. It's his birthday. He's visiting her in the hospital. She doesn't have much longer to live. And so he's at her bedside. She's got a present for him and we kind of pick up the story there, but I want you to hear what she asked him to do that.
He's not able to do it here. We'll play it. You got a present there for Peter.
Don't you? You open it up when I'm gone. Okay. Your grandpa is going to take such good care of you. At least until your daddy comes back to get you. Take my hand. Peter. Take my hand. No, no, no.
Stay here, please. And so what you have in there, you got Peter who, his mom just wants to hold his hand before she passes away and he can't, he's an eight year old boy. He's dealing with a lot of things and he can't, he can't handle that, you know? And so, um, throughout the story, he kind of has some guilt over that, you know, and, and some things. And so back to my story.
Right? So I think I have my clip already picked out. It's going to be about my dad. Get the texts from, um, from Heidi and, uh, I just start balling because God reminds me of a wound that I had at my mom's bedside. It wasn't anything my mom did.
It was all me. Um, I was the last one to come in of my siblings from out of state. My mom lived in Florida. Like a lot of old people go to live at Florida, you know? And so she was of that generation that did that.
And so I got down there and I could make excuses from traveling a lot and all that kind of thing. But, um, everybody had kind of taken turns staying with mom for the night. And I said, you know, I'll stay tonight with mom, you know, and, and she was progressively, you know, getting worse. And, uh, by the time everybody left, she was kind of in a coma, you know, she wasn't able to talk or anything. And I was just there with her and it was getting to be kind of late at night and the nurses would come in and say, it's probably not going to be a lot longer. Her respirations are getting less and less.
And, and, uh, so we don't want you to be surprised. And so I knew that, you know, my job as a son was just to stay awake and talk to her, you know, hold her hand love on her knew she wouldn't respond, but my job was to do that and I couldn't do it. I couldn't stay awake. I kept falling asleep and then I would wake up and then I would feel the guilt and the shame of, I can't even do this one thing for my mom that she really, she didn't ask me to do. I felt like that was my job as a son to do for her. And, uh, um, you know, when she passed, I did wake up, you know, and was, I did hear her last breath and you know, when the tone went and all that kind of thing. But right away, the enemy's on the backside of that saying the one thing that you couldn't even do for your mom when you needed it. And I couldn't forgive myself for it because my mom was a wonderful woman.
She had her issues like everybody and she had wounded me in her own ways, but she was a good hearted woman and I knew I was loved well and, and she would have done anything for me. And the least I could have done was, you know, try to stay awake for her. And you know, I'm sitting there just bawling and I don't know what else to do. So I turned to Jesus and just said, Jesus, I, I don't know what to do with this. It's, you know, nine years ago.
I mean, what do I do with this thing? And I got my eyes closed and praying and this has never happened like this, but I'm praying and I see myself in the room in her hospital room and I see her, I can't see her face, but I know it's her and I can see the room. And I know it's me cause I have my head down and I have less gray hair.
So I know it's a younger me, right. But I know that it's me and I have my head down and she's still breathing and I'm seeing it from above, like, you know, in a movie or something. And then from across the room, this hand kind of comes into the picture to my mom.
And it wasn't like I heard this, Oh, you know, heavenly things. And I can't really describe the hand. I could tell it was a hand.
It had a hand shape, but what I can tell you, what I felt was peace and comfort. Cause I knew that hand was Jesus's hand. I just knew it in my heart.
Right. And when the, and right after the hand come across now, he didn't grab her hand or anything, but he was reaching for her. I heard Jesus say to me, Sam, she was never alone. I was with her the whole time.
You don't need to carry this anymore. And it broke me down. I texted my friend Andy and said, Hey, can you talk?
And you know, he called me and I'm a blubbering idiot for about half hour and Andy's doing his best to try and console me for a while. Not realizing it wasn't tears of hurt or pain. It was a joy and relief and thankfulness today has been a hard day because I miss my mom. I miss my mom, not seeing my kids' lives or them get married or, you know, the big events in their lives and how proud she would have been of who they are.
You know, I miss that, but what was not there today was not the shame and the guilt and the things that weren't mine to carry. And I'm so grateful that God gave me that, you know, and, and, you know, some people may say, Hey, sharing that, you know, people, people may think you're, you're way out there. Well, you know what, all I can share is what God does in my life. And if you don't want to believe me, that's up to you, man.
If you want to judge me, that's great, but I'm just telling you lean into God and he's going to do some really cool things in your life and surprise you. Well, there's scripture that backs it. Okay. Comes to heal the broken hearted. Yes. Isaiah 61 one. That's right. And there's multiple places in the Psalms and stuff that says that.
So, you know, I think a lot of times we focus on the wound of identifying that wound, but not allowing the healing to happen in Jesus came and that healing that you needed. Yeah, it's a, today has been the best of the days in remembering my mom's passing just because I don't have that, that I'm carrying anymore. Never did I feel an expectation from her. It was all in an expectation I put on me that what I should do anyway, we do have a bootcamp coming up, uh, go to Masco and journey.org. It is in November in case you didn't get that before the break, November 20th through 23rd, you can register now. It would be a great thing to do. I promise you, you have nothing planned the weekend before November, November, the weekend before Thanksgiving in November, go to masculine journey.org this week, God love on you and love on somebody else. We'll talk to you next week. This is the truth network.
