Stewards Of Our Pain

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Yes, it is the masculine journey and we've come off a recent battle and had some casualties. So, no Sam, no Andy, no David. You know, it's just, you know, the few the proud that made it for tonight's show. Right, Danny?

Yeah, it's a scarce bunch. Yeah, they put in a little time over the weekend and I guess they think that they need more, so it's all right. It's okay. We got it, don't we? We got it, we got it. And we really do have a really fascinating topic tonight. And so with that, Danny, why don't you introduce it for us? Our topic is being a good steward of your pain. And this was kind of birthed out of an event that Robby and I went to where the speaker was talking about being a good steward of your pain, which didn't sound like an intriguing topic to start with until I pondered it a little bit. But, you know, you can't go through this life without pain. I mean, if you've lived... I can't.

No, Robby is an exception to you having it. But, you know, being emotional, physical, whatever it is, there's going to be pain. And the question becomes, what do I do with that? You know, because, I mean, I know people who've gone through traumatic things, and I've been that way myself as where I've become a very bitter person, very angry or very aloof or whatever. And I don't think that's God's intention. I know he doesn't want us to go through pain.

That's not his will. But this fallen world is full of it, so you have to navigate it. But learning from it and being a steward of it to me means that we're using our experience to help somebody else along the way.

And, you know, that's just kind of where I had been with this topic for a few weeks now, just thinking about God's preparation and our being a steward of the things that, you know, have come our way. So... Darrell Bock Yeah, it says 2 Corinthians 1, you know, God comforts us so that we can comfort. That's one way to steward your pain. You know, one thing that I've noticed a lot, a bad way to steward your pain is to isolate.

But so many people, you know, that seems to be their go-to when it, you know, that's when they choose to be alone, when that's about the last thing they need, right, that very second. And because obviously, you know, the one person that can obviously help us out, but you have a clip that has to do with helping out and the whole isolation idea. Gary Barnes Yeah, it's from Home Alone, and I know it's not Christmas, but it may be Christmas somewhere, I don't know. But Home Alone, and it's the scene where Kevin's in the church and his neighbor, who he thinks is a serial killer, comes into the church, and they're interchanged. And the conversation between them, and Kevin actually steps into his pain, and some trauma, if you will, in his own life, and some fear, and tells a story to this elderly man to help him over something he's currently going through. And it's a beautiful thing to see a child who's in second grade, because there was an interchange there was an interchange about a sweater on after this clip, which is hilarious, but I couldn't get it in there.

But he's helping this man who's probably in his 60s or 70s, and helping to encourage him step through some of his fear and his pain. So you play the clip, we'll talk about it afterwards. Kevin You want to know the real reason why I'm here right now? Karen Sure. Kevin Came to hear my granddaughter sing.

I can't come and hear her tonight. Karen You have plans? Kevin No.

I'm not welcome. Karen At church? Kevin Oh, you're always welcome to church. I'm not welcome with my son. Years back, before you and your family moved on the block, I had an argument with my son. Karen How old is he?

Kevin He's grown up. We lost our tempers. And I said I didn't care to see him anymore.

He said the same. We haven't spoken to each other since. Karen If you miss him, why don't you call him? Kevin I'm afraid if I call him, he won't talk to me. Karen How do you know? Kevin I don't know.

I'm just afraid he won't. Karen No offense, but aren't you a little old to be afraid? Kevin You can be a little old for a lot of things. You're never too old to be afraid.

Kevin That's true. I've always been afraid of our basement. It's dark, there's weird stuff down there. And it smells funny, that sort of thing.

It's bothered me for years. Kevin Basements are like that. Kevin Then I made myself go down there to do some laundry. And I found out it's not so bad. All this time I've been worrying about it.

But if you turn on the lights, it's no big deal. Kevin What's your point? Kevin My point is, you should call your son. Kevin What if he won't talk to me? Kevin You still know. Then you can stop worrying about it. And he won't have to be afraid anymore. I don't care how mad I was, I've talked to my dad.

Especially around the holidays. Kevin I don't know. Kevin Just give it a shot. For your granddaughter anyway.

I'm sure she misses you. And the Kevin You know, all of us, at some point or another, probably have family pain or that kind of thing. And what this man has set up in his own mind is the what ifs of the world. What if he doesn't want to talk to me? What if this continues?

What if, what if? And that's the struggle of lots of people. Myself included a lot of times is that, yeah, but if I do that, and that brings pain in my life, because the anxiety of not knowing. And I love what Kevin said, he said, least you'll know, you know, all they can say is no. And, you know, I had a mentor years ago, he said, well, they can't eat you.

I'm thinking, well, some people might try, you know, you never know. But those are the things and watching, watching this interchange, and you know, what a beautiful place this world would be if everybody took that comfort, Robby, that you were talking about, and turned and comforted somebody else, whether you know, it's a loss of a family member. Darrell Bock So the deeper question under that, Danny, obviously, is God put that on your heart, because of some pain that you're trying to, I mean, what could you share there? You didn't see that coming, did you? Gary Barnes I did.

I kind of did, I saw the gleam in his eyes. You know, we have some family problems, and I won't go into a whole lot of details, because I don't know who's living, but anyway, that what I have found is that, you know, struggles with adult children or, you know, family members. Darrell Bock I like what Sam said, the entrenchment, although he isn't here with us, he said, little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems.

Gary Barnes Yeah. And, you know, and to navigate that, and we're currently navigating some of that. But to ultimately, what I'm learning is just lean into God, just lean into, and I love what Sam says it so well, and so simply is, God, I don't know how to do this, you're going to have to help me. And that's kind of been where I'm at with the thing. But I know somewhere down the road, because I've been doing this long enough to know that this pain will not be wasted.

This struggle won't be just something that, oh, yeah, I went through that. Somebody else will come along and be able to pour into them, because there are episodes after episodes in my own life, where Darrell Bock So, you know, as you've pushed into him, and I know you have asked him to father you through this, you know, was there one particular incident that you felt like he came, that you sensed what he was fathering you to do? Gary Barnes Yeah. At one point, because of the situation, I was a prodigal child once upon a time. Darrell Bock We know.

Gary Barnes Yeah. But what God told me was, because I wanted to fix this, you know, that's what I do for a living, I solve problems. And God, I'm good at it.

You know that, right? But God said, now you're going to be a prodigal father. You're to stand and wait.

They'll come back. But I need you to stand and wait. I'm going, but I don't want to stand and wait. I want to go get a search party. I want to do, you know, I want to do something.

No, that's not what we're doing. But in waiting, you know, I get to commune with him and crown his shoulder and screaming kick at the walls and all that good stuff. But you know, that's the reality of a life with God. One of the most fascinating scriptures to me in Scripture is Enoch walked with God and he wasn't no more.

When you think about the age of Enoch and the walk with God, there had to be some hills and some valleys and all kinds of stuff. And that's just part of the deal. So... Darrell Bock Yeah. Inside that pain, it either pushes you away, right? Or draws you in.

Gary Barnes Draws you in. Yeah. And it's your choice, is the ironic thing about it.

It's your choice. Darrell Bock That's the idea of freedom. Gary Barnes Yeah. Darrell Bock It is totally. And of course, if we talked about earlier, Grant pointed out that, you know, death is one of the things that is separation from God, right?

So if I decide, oh, I don't know what I'm going to do with that pain. I'm going to push away from God and other people, by the way, which is what most people, I shouldn't say most, I say a lot of people, I see push away from others, push away from God. It's interesting to me how often he'll send someone to the rescue. Gary Barnes Yeah. Darrell Bock You know, some other broken person that's been through that kind of pain or whatever, which I koozie sent in, I'm curious, in the midst of this for you. Gary Barnes He sent you guys in a lot of different ways, because we all have, you know, similar struggles in different ways. And, you know, and there are some folks was interesting is we found a group of people at church, we weren't really looking.

But we just kind of decided we do like a prayer retreat. And my gosh, what you find out is that, as you said, I think at dinner, you know, that God said he didn't have no choice but to work with broken people. Darrell Bock Sinful broken people.

Gary Barnes I love challenges. But, but, you know, he does send people around you with similar struggles and everything. And so I mean, it's you realize, you know what, because I've taught for years that that, you know, we usually sing that song, nobody knows the trouble I've seen, we have that terminal uniqueness about us, that you wouldn't understand, therefore, I'm going to isolate.

But we'll ultimately find out is we're all ogres. So we're all have some struggles. So Darrell Bock Yeah, so cool. Grant, you had something you wanted to share? Grant Williams Yeah, so I love challenges. A lot of times, things get really wrong.

But I love to make breakthrough it in the right way. Darrell Bock Right, right. Okay, we got a advanced camp coming up April 4, through the seventh, go to masculinejourney.org to register. Gary Barnes What we have at our boot camp is something that makes you stronger. And it gives you the strength to go on your regular walk with God.

It's something that will make you be bigger than you were when you got there. Darrell Bock I got away from from Christ and suffer a overdose. And he took my memory at that time, I didn't know where I was, who was who, what I was doing. So he showed me a little bit of his power. They're letting me know that without him, I'm nothing.

I don't got nothing. And I will be nothing. So I decided to come back. And just right now, for the first time, like I've been through a lot of things like, as you see me, tattoos all over and everything. I've been through a war. So for the first time in my life, on this camp, I've been able to feel that peace in my heart.

I haven't seen my family in over eight years now. But I actually can say today that I'm okay with it. God is with me and He's been dealing with my heart on a way that I never experienced it before. I'm just thankful and grateful. Register today at masculinejourney.org. Darrell Bock Welcome back to Masculine Journey, today's topic. We're talking about how do you steward pain, like being a good steward of the pain that you've received in your life? What does that feel like?

And exactly what do you do with it? And so as I was thinking about this topic, Danny, that you pointed out so beautifully, and that we all have a chance to struggle with, as soon as I heard the topic, I just could not help but think about this clip from Rocky III. I think it was Rocky III. And as I just stuck out in my mind that this is what, life is a battle, right? We talked about this at the Entrenchment, that one of the core desires of a man's heart is a battle to fight, which is essentially warrior, right?

Well, in the midst of warrioring, right, there is a prediction I can share with you. Clubber Lang's going to share it here. A most exciting background for the Manchester Steel-weighted rematch between the former champion, Rocky Balboa, and the reigning heavyweight champion, Clubber Lang.

We now switch to our remote cameras inside the dressing room. Would you care to comment on how you plan to fight Balboa? What's your strategy?

Don't need any. Balboa is so predictable and stupid, the man comes straight ahead. He's tailor-made for me, and he's gonna get hurt. No, I don't hate Balboa, but I pity the fool, and I will destroy any man who tries to take what I got. Since both men are brawlers still with the edge and power going to Clubber Lang, I would say that the odds are very long against Balboa regaining his title. What's your prediction for the fight then? Prediction? Yes, prediction. Pain.

Delivered as only Mr. T could, right? And so, as I, you know, was thinking about life in general, and certainly you might note, and Grant actually pointed this out earlier, he said, the closer you get to God, it seems like the more pain you get in your life. And there's a lot of interesting reasons for that if you really sit back and analyze it. Number one, you know, God is love. And so, as you get closer to God, the more you're going to love. Well, love is a very painful thing. I mean, you know, part of what Danny is experiencing is the love that he has for his children, right?

Or the love that you have for your wife, or the love that you have for your church. You know, I often have thought that Paul's thorn in the flesh had to do with the shenanigans going on around him, the people that he loved dearly and was hoping they would just push towards Christ rather than push towards all the shenanigans. That was the real pain in his life. And when I think about, I've had lots of physical pain, as several people in this room have. Those who know my story know I've had severe physical pain. It ain't nothing compared to the relational pain or the emotional pain that I have experienced.

And so, as you do, I couldn't agree with Grant more. I think it was a brilliant observation that, clearly, the closer you get to God, Paul being a great example of that, he experienced and he exprizzled. How do you like that word, Jim? He experienced pain, you know, stoning, whipping, you know, of all those things, you know, shipwrecked, you know, all that stuff sounded pretty painful. But my guess is, when we get to heaven, you're going to find the real severe pain was, you know, watching his children shenanigans. Yeah, even like his letter to the Galatians really draws that out. It's like, why would you accept another gospel? What are you doing?

Who bewitched you? It's just like, what are you thinking? It's like, I told you the truth and you accepted it and you had so much love for me and now you're just going to walk away and revert back and wanting to be circumcised because the Judaizers were in there and it's like, you can hear his just sincere pain that he's going through and just thinking about where their minds are at. Oh, he longs to be there with them, you know, and just to be able to give them truth because he's just so far from them. He can't be there on a daily basis. I can only imagine that, you know, take whatever community he was in. Once he left it, I can only imagine his prayers for them. Right, because he loved much.

And when you love much, it's a painful experience. So, you know, I don't know, a few years ago, I had an opportunity to, I guess, interview a hundred counselors at the Association of Christian Counselors Convention in Nashville. It might have been the International. I don't know. There were tons of counselors and I was commissioned to do a hundred interviews in a matter of three days, which meant I only had like five or six minutes per person. And so I began to do what Danny said. I needed some fathering like, God, what do I do with this because I don't want five minutes of nothing.

I want five minutes of what's the story, of where's God in this. And he gave me this question to ask the counselors. And it was simply, you know, 2 Corinthians 1 says that God of all comfort comforts us so that we can comfort others. Comfort meaning what you do with somebody in pain, okay, to the point. And I said, how did that play out in your ministry, in your practice, you know, because again, they were counselors.

And I was blown away, just blown away, like, oh my goodness. Like there was pain. Like if they were a counselor to some hotline for suicide, believe me, they had attempted suicide. If they were a counselor to somebody on an abortion hotline, they'd had an abortion.

If they were a counselor for, you know, marriage or whatever they were, they were involved in divorce or something along those lines. But the one that blew my mind, you know, after I'd seen one or the other, you know, after the other, after the other. In fact, I should say this, there was one lady, we're on the air, we're live. And that this lady with her husband sitting right next to her confesses to an abortion that she'd had, that her husband had never heard it, and she's doing it on the air. Because that question that God had put, you know, obviously God showed, because as soon as I hit her with that, she knew exactly what the answer was, and she chose to answer it truthfully. And oh my goodness, you should have seen like 20,000 pounds went off that lady's shoulders, because you're as sick as your secrets, right? And you're holding onto this and your husband's sitting right there, and there you have it.

Like what you see is fascinating, right? That she had been comforting all these people all these years with the comfort that she'd comforted with, although she had not comforted herself completely. Now she had the chance. There's another man, complete psychiatrist, like man, he had the whole gig going on. He had the goatee.

He was wearing a three-piece suit with a vest, right? He had the little spectacle glasses he was looking over, and he was a PhD psychiatrist, okay? And as he sits down, I'm thinking, oh, this ain't gonna work with this dude. But God, you gave it to me, so here we go.

So the God of all comfort comforts us, you know, how does that play out in your practice or doctor or whatever I said? And he blew my mind. So he said, I went insane. I said, what?

And he goes, yeah. Yeah, and I had totally lost my mind, and they had me in a mental facility, and I was sitting in a hospital bed, and I'd been married about three weeks, and my new bride was sitting there next to me, and I was staring at this red dot that was on the TV there that looked like Satan to me, and I was completely intrigued by how this was Satan. And my wife says to me, I need you to tell me how I can become insane, because I need to be where you are, and I can't stand to not be with you, so tell me what I need to do in order to get myself where you are. And when she said that, I had to battle. I had to battle my way back to sanity, because I couldn't stand to take her where I was. And that battle, obviously, God orchestrated and fathered him to be able to come back from total insanity.

And now he was comforting others with a comfort, and of course he had the whole shtick now, and I'm telling you, he looked like a psychiatrist if I ever saw one in my life. But the point of battle, and I wanted to make this point, is that I'd been studying this just because I was teaching on battle and the entrenchment, and I came across the Hebrew of it, I didn't come across it, I was studying it. And it was interesting to me that the center of the word battle is bread.

Lehem, okay, is the way it is in Hebrew, like Bethlehem is the house of bread. And I began to think about what all the implications of battle being so connected to the root of bread. Like you may know that communion was a source of battle for many a Catholic and all that that went on, but deeper than that, Jesus is the bread of life. And so when you are saying, right, give us this day our daily bread in a way, you're saying give us this day our daily battle, because the battle is for Christ. It's his blood.

It's the cover that you can, but it's not easy. I think it was G.K. Chesterton that said something about the Christian life, I like to get this quote right, the Christian life is not that it has been tested and found worthy, it is that it has been untested or not tried and unsuccessful. Does anybody know that quote exactly? It's so beautiful, but the point of it is, is the Christian life is really, really hard, and so a lot of folks never really push completely into it, because it requires a lot of pain, Grant. It just does. But oh my gosh, it's life, because there's a big difference between life and death. Go ahead, Grant. At the past, I really enjoyed the pain or the suffering. It's something to challenge, and to show others it can be done to work out of it.

Right, right. And Harold, through the Lord, you've had some pain. A little bit of different kinds over the years. I had a battle with rheumatoid arthritis for a while to the point that I dreaded waking up every morning because it hurt so bad to start moving. Yeah, and what happened? Luckily for me, my rheumatologist put me on an antibiotic, the minocycline, like they give kids for bad acne problems, and the rheumatoid went away, and so far it hasn't come back. But I can tell you for a fact that if you've never had arthritis like that, you have no idea what the person who does is going through. And so it's fascinating to me, knowing your wife as I do, I'm guessing that some prayers had gone up for your rheumatoid arthritis, and so I know the doctor prescribed it, and you were healed, but again, this is what he had for you in life. And how many people have you been able to share that, right? That you comforted others with the comfort, right?

Bunches. Anytime I run across somebody suffering with rheumatoid arthritis, I tell them my story. So again, how are you stewarding, right? And a chance to push into it, because believe me, go ahead, Danny, you look like you've got something. I got a quote.

The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried. Perfect. Yeah, I need to memorize that, because it's so good. And again, you want to try it, come to Masculine Journey Advanced Boot Camp. You can go to MasculineJourney.org and register April 4th through the 7th.