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May 23, 2015 12:30 pm
Jesus please send using hand why feels more like a losing battle when something done, request no masculine journey.
I am not there may not know him really running point today I got Robbie Gilmore with me sailor Robbie hello Robert and say hello. Lily yo yeah oh that's right. It was also got Sam on the phone you still there Sammy okay today show is one of those unique shows it's the longest mile in the masculine journey. It's a show about conflict that we we are no strangers to conflict that right. None we special event is because I had problems. Oh, a pun from the master well where I think the key for us is that were so godly and religious and biblical that conflict doesn't stick to it would say that Robbie speak for yourself as a liar liar environment that is good enough. So where does conflict start biblically with the Bible, Satan tell us about our mouth or our tongues. Robbie, their dangers they say they can cause many in infliction many many in some of those afflictions. Some of the problems started home. I can start the smallest of places to start off with a clip.
It's it's from a Geico commercial and you can hear them talking about a blanket, but when he says, perhaps I want you to imagine your fingers together like just shown a smidgen small amount. Start with the first clip good switching to Geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance was a blank and honest.
Perhaps, perhaps just a little bit big never said that Robbie no, you don't look at me. I did that once and it didn't go over well. In fact, now when my wife tries to get me to pick address. I would say neither you look great just the way you are in your bathroom never works on a Sunday so so when we're talking about conflict quite often. It's pride to gets in the way. There's something that comes up within us that makes us want to defend ourselves. Not too long ago Robbie and I had a conflict in one of the things it was so encouraging is in the midst of our foxhole, you know we were talking about we try to work your problem in Robbie did something that a lot of people won't do. He didn't get up and walk away. I've had a lot of people get up and walk away. But in the midst that conflict, he didn't even try to quit and that was encouraging to me that Robbie yeah and others that fight or flight. So I chose the five but for me know in the midst of a battle when it somebody you care about. You don't get up walk away. You don't just slam the door and pick up a ball and go no, and I think that commitment is the first point I wanted to get out in this situation and this subject.
That's a great point now. Okay I was at a wedding ceremony which got one of my best friends actually have been praying for him to get married sensors about 20 and he was now about 53 side of the epic, but the pastor said something that was just absolutely remarkable.
He had them hold hands together in the middle of the ceremony, because now the other reason I want you to hold each other's hands I want you to hold tight is there's a significant thing that's going on here. Is it throughout your marriage if you can just hold on, if you can just hang onto each other in spite of whatever else and let's that's a big part of what we have found through in our drama master journey.
There's a lot of holding on is just trusting in things that you can't see or feel in the middle of the top you're actually right. Sam only go to you because your always talking about the good heart and looking at somebody start so when you're in a conflict. Can we go about doing that. I think you focus on what you know the deepest truth you really my wife and I and our relationship went when I heard the concept of the good are generally vividly out it's all throughout Scripture we really look at it.
It was, not focusing on what I think I hear focusing on what I know to be true and what I knew to be true as my wife love me she love God and she wanted to work out and those of the same things were true about me that helped us to get through a lot of you know that I think your talk about how I think that pride really services when our desire to be understood is greater than our desire to understand CNET again. It's when our desire to be understood is greater than our desire to understand. I want you to understand me before I attempt understand you right it's it's taking the time to listen to shows care that your step that your first step in there's humility and that I think is really important. One of the worst things you can do in a conflict is to exalt yourself help me out on this point I don't know how tall you are, you know your 65. You just automatically exalted. I can't help but just like just like think about clip and I want you listen this is from Paul Bart Mall cop and I I like this movie is not for everybody.
It's not always the most family-friendly. But what you listen to the conflict in look at how we exalt himself in the situation okay ladies need to see some right now. I should warn you, I do have the authority to make a citizens arrest you can see physical placement understand your sensitivity issues with myself dishing up and down the road. Both are trained. Let's face it, we need to fill soon as a starting I noticed it was in some short when you make a comment like that. I just don't think there's any backup none at all.
Sam, if you ever have you ever seen anything like that before. Yeah, you know, I made some comment. Later I regretted you know I think some of the share on the radio.
I would say that that wasn't always the case, but something that you are almost out of your mouth you go. Oh my gosh I wish that would not have come out in a little different than what you're saying about Paul Bart here causes clueless until she starts to wail on them a little bit and then he can to get the idea. You know, but there is. There have been times that I just look at it and say wow that really wasn't the right move in the situation.
You know I'm early in my life. Actually middle of my life as well.
But there were times when I would just walk into situation and I just try to take charge take the authority and that never translates well in the conflict because right away. You tell the other person. You're not as important, you're not as good as me saying Robbie I don't mean I know I like to know me well know that you know this is my second marriage and so I had a chance to flounder around once before I even got and now had 26 years again and floundering so I have found a way to get myself in trouble on many occasion and I am your right I mean it is. It is often has to do with trying to understand what I'm thinking are concerned about my situation than hers trying to realize that there are others. Some really important priorities here are not necessarily mine getting come from Italian family machismo background well in the thigh and family.
Just be quiet here comes that I'd open the glove. There was bunch of noise going on.
I step back, close the door opened it up again and it was quiet and I don't know how everybody else does it, but I think I'm the oldest guy here. I've been married for years to my first, but I passed away now married seven years. I don't know about having a diet is all diet is strictly carbohydrates and here I am in no I really don't know what is the right thing.
You know you just go along with the flow of the meal was just listening and laughing all the dead bother my wife if I laughed I would know I stop laughing as soon as the finger came up she started to point when she pointed ices. That's enough you're going when she says your full name. Yeah, that's right. That's exactly right when she used to call me Vincent. While I knew it was time to shut up now and I've I've gone to Robbie a couple times and I'm good to be humble here and say this is only my second time running point on the show so I'm looking to Robbie for support and help and I kinda feel like I'm floundering here so right Robbie, could you just share with me some thoughts on the proper way to go into a conflict whether it be with a friend or a wife and we only have one minutes is really quick with both well. First and foremost I think I heard it well said one time in American but by Vinnie, but that used to be. I used to call up God. Every so often in prayer and then as things got more conflicted I got on the phone pretty often and at some point. I'm hoping that I never hang up and so I think that you know one of the things I've got to go to in my marriage and all enemy conflict right off the beginning is I've got to go to God and say wow I need help here because I don't know if you noticed but I've got myself in over my head. The benefits is that which is you know quite often. You know where I find myself admittedly and in my conflict will talk more about this we come back, you are on the messenger and the radio. Check us out at messenger the radio.for five how do you mean we're lucky we live in a diverse community where people from different backgrounds leaving the same neighborhood. Learn more about how the fair housing act promotes diversity visit HUD.gov/fair housing and housing act prohibits discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, disability and familial status message from partnership with the National fair housing Alliance. You can always come up with an excuse for not visiting long-term care.gov. After all, who wants to admit that one day they will be old and I don't but since 70% of older Americans need some kind of long-term care why not do some preplanning. Now she can stay in charge. Visit long-term care.gov and find your own path and my friends and things you don't say when I was making this clip played the whole clip first. My wife was in the rocking chair.
My office and she started smiling and said was a funny nothing so there's gotta be something funny were you laughing at. She goes.
You said a lot of those things to me was like what she said oh yeah early on. You said a lot of those things to me. I said will maybe you should one of the show and we can talk about it. He said no, no, no, no, this is for the guys to work through you guys shouldn't say anything like that your spouse before things that you just as soon as you said you thought man I blew it was there and listen so long bright eyes and a look not dumbs. What did you say is I think I meant that I'm not sure back that night. It wasn't my statement but it was seen on never forget as long as I ever live. We had a new district manager with Chrysler and we are one of his famous Chrysler Christmas parties which is a big dealings of Pinehurst everybody and is really fancy dresses whatever in this district manager was paying way too much attention to another lady that it come in and not to his wife was pregnant and he kept looking and he kept looking. He kept looking and she says, and were at the dinner table.
You know with them like that and she says why can you not keep your eyes off of so-and-so who other woman was Nichols will honey you know you're not at that stage your life, and she literally slapped them right there in black front all the I mean it was classic that you could not have said anything worse than what I know I feel better. Thank you Diane yesterday. I set the bar really low you know because you were car people when we can come up. Just horrible.
And unfortunately, you know, we find ourselves there, and now you know what you word you go when you've just on on intentionally, which is what often men do walk into the biggest bear trap of all time to program manager as this guy was good Sam know is I was talking through that with my wife about the things that said that I didn't yet it's funny how she remembered every one of them, but she's never thrown at me and I started thinking about that. We were talking about the show are backstage for the before the show.
No, how do you handle these problems. My wife after 18 years of marriage.
Next month on 21 June.
I realize what has changed my life and what is help me through these conflicts. My wife is full of grace. She's got so much grace and when we get in that conflict. She's not hearing what I'm saying she's looking for a way to get out of the conflict not to win not to lose but to find that that point where we can exit the confrontation and get on with our lives. Now Robbie you're big on grace. What can you share with us about others are critical at issue that I unfortunately I think a lot of couples find themselves were that when they get into a conflict everybody exit stage left in order to try to deal with and what and then the children are aware that situation and tension always heightened and so what happens is the kids learn of the way to deal with conflict is the exit stage left and and not try to dive into the situation to try to come after each other's heart and I'm not saying by any means.
Do not get this to Tammy's list on this right now she is laughing her tail off about no doubt, but you know my prayer would be that my kids would see that I am more interested in my relationship with my wife and then and coming out of this conflict without having resolved in a way that everybody wins, so to speak. We would that we find a way that the kids go okay.
I saw mom and dad handle that in a godly way and and there is a way through this so that someday when they're married or their relationship. Our friend know how he friendships we see blowup out because the people were willing to engage in a conflict, and so they just leave out. I don't need this yes we do need this.
We need each other desperately at and to leave the conflict is is quite often the worst thing that you can do. I absolutely agree with you go admitting I heard that one time about two months ago.
I think it was Sam that I Sam you remember that yeah that is so much truth. Robbie just said it is you just don't walk away from something that you know what you think is a conflict could be because should not in the ride right frame of mind. But the biggest thing that you gotta do is learn how your wife feels about it all you burqa you know you're on the job. Absolutely you. You gotta give a little.
I think this is so to get a little and and it's clear that we have an enemy who would really like to make this conflict a lot worse than it is in. So what Sam said at the beginning is so true that I'm hearing something that really Satan is blasting in my ear about my wife or whatever and she's hearing something that I'm not saying either and so there's not just me and her or me and Al or me and Vinnie better in this conflict there somebody else who stands to win. If he can break us up. No.
And that's the thing relationships are a part of our DNA that God created us for relationships in especially for as we talk about a husband and wife but when we think of the kids. The number one thing that a kid wants to know is that mommy and daddy love each other because if they love each other and that never fails. They will always love me. I heard that from Focus on the Family just rang so true. I want to go to another clip and this is from everybody loves Raymond and I once listened how Raymond start working on conflict resolution. Could we do this week. Can we do this amongst us in our band of brothers was think about as we listen in class like this is your fault because I don't lose things for time organized organized in saying peace and strength to small you you think being unfair.
You can't find something to keep straight, and he messes it up with this project brings a project and inconsiderate. Have you met your father consideration. I do around here. What is it you do not think the thing is feeling unappreciated. I come off on I don't appreciate you that is nearing. Thank you all.
He wants to think you saying that actions speak louder than words.
Sometimes we need to hear the words I need words.
I'm sorry to check got stuck to the chubby unit was before said I appreciate you.
Thanks, works. I love that because I was thinking about Vinnie. When I pulled that clip watching videos is listening to it. He just had this look like I'm home now.
This is a nice Italian family. I can relate to its look through. I am, I could've been the store you are starving you this. Yeah,*all right made it this fall you as we talk about conflict resolution and we talked about this earlier in the show. The biggest thing is understanding your heart and not given up one of the things that I grew up with was my mom would get mad. This is after I was married, you know when you will talk about pack your bags you're going on a guilt trip.
If you didn't get do it. She said, and I hear will find I just wanted to call you anymore because I'm just your mother is not like it anything other than give birth to an end.
She just one walk away, but I would go back to my room. My conflict with Robbie. Not too long ago, you know, one of the things we talked about was no no shoot in the pistol inside the box voxel. Thank you and turned the gun on your body.
That's right, you keep your finger on the safety we don't need to unload in you know is we would is I went through that that was one of those things where I thought, man, this might be a dealbreaker for me and Robbie but that was so encouraged when he wasn't willing to leave that maybe the eye when you leave. I wasn't to leave unless he left, but it was encouraging Robbie that you stayed there and once we found a way to communicate will refound the language to express it you know all the sudden it was gone. It was like we just because we found a way to communicate. The enemy had no strong you know what they call that growing up, will it only took us 50 to 60 years. It's about time you grew up right about that. You know it's true, of course, is stroke one were not talking about lack of agreement. This agreement and relationships everything disagreement and conflict. We have disagreements in the group.
You just don't want to let that become conflict Bibles as iron sharpens iron working to sharpen each other, but we can't doubt each other with the sword's rights since it sure was fun since Robbie and I had a blowout where we got to that point where it could've gotten odds in yet. We both looked at each other.
We thought now, I'm not going back there and in that's what I love about you know my wife is that she looks to diffuse the situation. She never wanted escalate conflict and that's what I hope that you, the listener get out of this is that if you're going through this, you're going to get frustrated and you can have the enemy in your ear saying reminding you of all the things this person is not wrong. All the things back on the go after their heart deep in your own heart and realize what you going to show them and share them to resolve the messenger and radio and check us out at mass during radio.work