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Dealing With Anger; click here to listen

The Masculine Journey / Sam Main
The Truth Network Radio
March 5, 2016 12:30 pm

Dealing With Anger; click here to listen

The Masculine Journey / Sam Main

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Many have one feels more like a losing battle when something, my quest I will never know the voice of Robbie. He's angry, but this could happen and what happens, you can't help but think of this nursery rhyme like this. If you're angry and you know it clap your hands up, you might guess that today on the masculine journey we might discuss something that some of us struggle with and I do realize that the host here may struggle with more than anybody in the room but the issue is anger and maybe have anger in your family.

Maybe dealing with some of that stuff.

I don't know but if you're like me, every once while your house it may sound like some like this and what's the name of the movie. This is 40. This is 40. Since we are no idea what I want your pregnant pregnant when you find out just will see that all will congratulation. We always baby close I do. I never said that I didn't want what I could choose my beautiful we are today blessed to have Kim Whitehurst with us and he is with a ministry called seasons of the heart. In fact, he is starting a men's group anger. Not that any of us could use that. But we mean so absolutely were to have some contact information of the writings that were get ready for boot camp. So the last thing we need right now amongst each other is anger, so we brought an expert that clip and I got admit when I listen to it.

I couldn't help her relate to many of my children's and send it just what what what their sounds like there's a lot going on there that we need help served, especially in this room angers always response to something that we don't like.

And obviously there are some things going on in this family that people didn't pick seem to escalate if the conversation went on, so anger is triggered when we did detect something is wrong must be corrected. Sounded like people in the family that wanted to correct what was going on there and there is resistance to the correction it calls it to escalate some more more answers that challenge their biblically in Ephesians 4 it says in your anger do not sin right is right and so is an idea that we could send it for angry. But there's also an idea that wow angry men angers not necessarily a sin so you cannot delineate for us how you feel that this is a therapist when when is anger good and when is it sin or how you how does it lead to sin. Perhaps I angers him an emotion is a gift given to us by God is not good or bad. You can have healthy angry. Anger or when somebody does something to you that violates your boundaries is good to be angry and protect yourself but there's also an overreaction. When you get angry with somebody and you do something like yell and scream and curse Adam and hit him. That's very unhealthy and especially interesting company that's right your attacks and let him try to kill them freaking cupcakes that set overreaction that sinful. So, in your experiences. What are some of the things that lead to that overreaction kind of anger the kind of anger that I think probably me and everybody would really like some some insight in what we can try to share today in the program are some things that we can do. How would you group those to come to give us some idea of structures that we might employ one of the things that I was thinking about is the family where there's a lot of anger it's a learned response. My father was a very angry man whenever's whenever we did something wrong.

He had a very strong reaction yelling and screaming and he was punished with us with the belt so I learned when you do something wrong. Your bad just because of the way my father reacted to us just being children.

Sometimes, so one.

One way that you learn how to react is through learned behaviors just modeling what your father mother someone else in the family did their stuff that goes on in the brain and there's stuff for me what you eat that that there's a there's chemical reaction in the brain when you get angry some people, like I said before, I counseled a person became and had some anger issues, and what I discovered was he was drinking a pot or pond have coffee a day when I told him that caffeine can cause them to be angry.

We weaned him down off the caffeine and he wasn't angry more and after three sessions. I lost some business but but he was he was cured and so it sometimes it can be for just from chemicals they can be from diet can be from eating too much sugar and when you eat too much sugar, your sugar spiking back and forth that can create anger so let me tell you there with a flight that one time I had a dessert eating contest and those people you know me know that I am diabetic and so I I had to be the judge of this desert eating contest. It was going his sweetest grand opening ever and Robbie was.judge and it was following day. So not only did I judge this contest which had over 30 entries by the way, eating all the sweets but then we went trick-or-treating with my grandpa and I was ready to rip somebody's head and my wife will tell you you don't ever give Robbie that much sugar. I mean it's it's a bad thing if it will really go after you if you're hyperglycemic, your body will your pancreas will secrete too much insulin and it'll sweep all the sugar out your system, and that*starving your brain and then for heaven always wears reactions and one on this can be intense anger that I've learned about myself. If I eat too much sugar. I can start to start to feel angry so you'd mentioned that the brain itself secrete stuff that that you might get addicted to others it. If you have depression or anxiety. You can have the pleaded serotonin, which is a neurochemical that makes you feel normal. A lot of people that get really angry or have out-of-control anger basically have a serotonin problem and sometimes it's just a matter of dealing with your depression in therapy or even taking medication. If you have low serotonin that has to be addressed and sometimes medication helps and sometimes combination medication and counseling will help, but sometimes if you if you have low serotonin you can't really control yourself because as of those chemicals are supposed to be there to make you feel normal and in there's a window of normality with the neurochemicals there and if if you don't have enough then you can get angry and feel anxious and depressed. Just from having the pleaded serotonin it can ask a question or quick not to hot sleep playing that because for long time. I had a terrible problem with sleep and I was always on the edge so it is that play. Is there a chemical reaction. We don't get a lot of sleep, but there is a there's a narrow pathway and it starts out with tryptophan which is the chemical that you find in Turkey that makes us think that to sleep at night every night so it's it's tryptophan five ACP, then serotonin and then melatonin. So if you have low serotonin you can have low melatonin and melatonin is what helps her sleep. So all those things if if you have low serotonin effects aspects energy affects sleep it affects your mood so that's one of things we that we do Homer do an assessment somebody if they have problems with sleep energy, mood, although saying we know this probably problem in the limbic system, which basically is is where the serotonin is a controller mood and so that the cool thing is that we have all sorts of different couple smorgasbord of of things out there that could be contributing to something that we just know is out of control. That's right.

And so you know, here's where that wonderful proverb comes in you, with many counselors plan succeed and so how can we identify our email and it seems to me if I don't say I've got a promise pretty hard for me to address it. How would you tell folks to kind of assess themselves. This isn't something I am dealing with this kind of normal is a something where wow I probably should see a counselor I think if somebody has issues with anger.

They're going to start getting feedback from other people and I can if you're married, your spouse is to give you feedback your children also give you feedback is going to feedback at work. The hay I think your anger is out-of-control.

I think you're overreacting, I'm concerned about you.

So if you start getting a lot of feedback about your anger and how you expressed express that anger.

That would probably be a really good indicator that you need to seek help you get to go, you go see your pastor and talk to him or her you go counseling they could do an evaluation to determine what's actually causing feel angry. You can also go to your doctor. Like we said before, if you if you're hyperglycemic or you could have some common medical problem for diabetic that could cause you to be angry so I always try to take a very comprehensive approach can go to your doctor rule out the physical and go to counselor ends and see that a counselor help you determine what's going on with you this because in this anger, but we say in the ministry. Bad fruit bad root. So if you're you for expressing a lot of destructive anger. Then there's a route to it in there's a way to trace that back I we come back we got several of helps along the way of what you can do if you are got this destructive anger issue, talk about that. If you have an amazing clip about this couple. Now they have a chance to go to counselor and make it some some nice therapist talk and then we can hear how that felt so much more coming up on jurisdiction, injury, radio's list are supported very thankful for every dollar but I wanted to take a moment to share a really easy way you can support us if use Amazon to purchase things you need to do is smile.amazon.com is a charity contribution site and from there slick good heart ministries for an Amazon will donate 5% of your purchase to donate or watch a video on how to do this under the radio that's messenger the radio.org domain here for messenger and radio show are so often focuses on healing and freedom found her walking more intimately with the father. I know no one wants to see a counselor, but often times I find myself stuck needing a little bit more help turn my friends and seasons of the heart human catheters. Counselors help you find healing through the father. For more information on seasons of the hard mask Internet radio that's messenger the radio.org welcome back to the unmasking the radio show. We've got such big news that if you don't come register today. I'm really anger as we get this boot camp April 28 through May 1 is that the vineyard camp and Vinnie. You've got some anger issues. If people don't get registered right.

This is a one-time opportunity for me to say something I will bill you will find out a lot if you come to the boot camp to find out that Robbie is ugly and big Gail of the is a wonderful guy. But anyway this one on that one why you cannot break off on that AEI has and should be given me go you know I want to address it the way I see it, because I am in my 80s and I've always felt that anger sometimes is just upset little things that domain diddley squat. You get angry, and you may do something irrational but you know in my family if my father didn't hit me. He was just upset if he hit me like he was angry. I really anger is for me is kind of my looking for Ali anger is that when you're out of control.

You know when you may use J and so you me that somebody would an object is something but day-to-day stuff like in married life.

You probably just upset you could body what family, husband and wife. I'm not upset with the children. They can do something to upset them and then they grow up and you grow up and sit with that. I get angry with them for that was silly. It kinda was funny. You know so it's the moment and it defines whether it's just anger or being upset and so yeah and so we get to that point and we talked about it right before the break, that there are different levels and the first thing you gotta do. If you ever to address an issue is you gotta confronted but we have these anger patterns will one is to deny it. One is to stuff that I understand express it or directed. Deny it's a real common thing that is right we learn how to not things in our families. That's model for us. We don't look at the truth through the reality of something so we deny it to avoid it. A lot of families don't ever deal with the problems they sweeping the rug and makes the problem worse. And in it that accumulates over time we see somebody but you would never expect to explode is that the person that probably has never been allowed to express themselves any kind of motion express anger in my family. My father was only person allowed to express his anger. We had to go do it some other way I did it passive aggressively with my father.

He asked me to cut the grass and I would do a crappy job and then he would get mad at me and that made me feel better.

So in there.

The passive-aggressive is a covert way of expressing your anger that most people that weren't allowed to do could do it and sometimes you going to come up on what you're doing because it's passive-aggressive. So sweet. Once we begin the process of course, if you're married couple Vinnie. You might learn some of these techniques of how to speak and how to truly communicate I think is is what a lot of therapists obviously work on and so we have this. I found it hilarious of this couple once they've learned a little bit from their therapist, so it wasn't just like cut and dried 123 and everything comes together. Have a listen again to from the movie almost 40.

This is for all this is for white. Not great. I'm still waiting for numbers maybe hang a couple members of trickle-down it's lower than we expected and why are you giving Larry many white everything to the accountant you know what I want to get in some nasty fight took we please talk to each other the way the therapist told us to talk to each other. It makes me when you are just on I understand it makes you feel bad when I am dishonest with you.

It hurts my feelings when you treat me with contempt and corny and trying to trick me into line and make it easy to trick you into writing. You can't do that you can't do that.

The therapist had you not allowed to judge me getting processed.

Fair enough. Sometimes I withhold truth that is true, but it's only because I'm scared to death of your crazy illogical overreactions and triggers me to find a company so they learned how to express themselves, but obviously there still struggling because down inside there's a lot going on. Yeah there's a lot of stuff going on under the surface letter unresolved conflict in that relationship. I would say and when the first things away learn as a counselor is you don't use communication techniques as a weapon and I think that they were using this weapon I would say manipulation all the way all the tongue is a wild wicked weapon right at the end. And so when I listen to that email conversation I can't help but relate that it it it seems like he really is afraid of her anger. That's right. And and because of that he is withholding truth because he knows if he lays it all out is not safe and and so that's kind of a result of our anger in in my case that if I let it fly, which feels good like you talked about because I get a good dose of what with the chemical serotonin by serotonin man, I'm good.

So I get a little dose of serotonin and I'm letting it fly, but the result of my family is now they are having to do something else with her anger. This actually I think when you have an addiction like that and it comes out in your brain is like a opium -like substances called catecholamines the contest.

What makes you feel so good when you get really angry and the brains increases chemicals, and that's it. You actually you can become addicted to anger because it feels good when you get that angry. Your brain keeps telling you you want to do that some more because if you have low serotonin and is catecholamines make you feel normal. Then your brains Dante to keep on doing it. The part of recovery is breaking that addiction to anger, and so how do how do you take somebody there through therapy for the first step you want to get someone to admit there angry and then the next step is to start looking at my recent bad fruit bad root use what you want to trace back the root what it what is calls this person to become angry and they learned it where they abused something that a lot unresolved issues from childhood sexual abuse really leads to anger.

From my understanding it can.

You cannot tell us how that how that connects the dots. Well, whatever you get abuse someone is really breaking your boundaries there take advantage of you there doing things to you that they're not supposed to do. So you're violating somebody's boundaries, and especially when you do some like that to a child and they don't know how to deal with it. A lot of times, even when the chill the child has to tell someone they're told and is not true.

So a child that's been being abused has all this trauma stored up in your body accumulates and they don't know how so it just starts to come out they can control the responses after almost like a pressure cooker, but somebody gets abuse over and over again and they internalize it eventually has to come out some way. It could come out as depression can come out of anxiety but not off a lot of cases it comes out in anger and out-of-control anger, rage so you find that situation in the in the in the person you're counseling actually out. Alice disclosed something I was sexually abused and I had I was a Rachel Holick and I tied a lot of my anger back to being abused as a child and 160. How did Jesus set you free. I guess, is where want to go with that because we do have you as is is will is is case in point where Christ came into your life and help you break that what we we had to go back to the abuse and process the pain of it and eventually I had to forgive the person that did that to me and I had a lot of us people that supported me and love me through it, prayed me through it.

Walk with me through the pain of it. I have a friend who's a counselor say to me through forgiveness and also some inner healing and the Internet. Even after you heal from some like that you have to work on changing your mindset. The Bible calls it renewing your mind.

Because those beliefs that's this there's something wrong to you that your defective your bad comes from the way a child interprets abuse if you if you been abuse as a child you most likely you can interpret it as your dad, your flaws and your contaminated and amazing when you think about God is now taken the comfort with which you are comforted and you using that to comfort others in if you're just tuning in this masculine journey were talk about anger today in our special very special guest is Kim Whitehurst and he is with seasons of the heart, ministry, and he has an anger group, not for men, so maybe you find yourself here and you want to know what I do next, while simple. Write this number down right now. Area code 336-970-7985.

Again his name is Kim Whitehurst. He starting his anger group for guys like me that we don't know why. Which is doing it 336-970-7985 and you can call Kim and he would love to talk to. Maybe you know maybe it's one-on-one, you want to come to a group, whatever it is that you want. We do know this right Kim. God does not want us in the chains of anger. I miss not what he doubt the way he designed us in one of the ways that we can approach that is to is to come to grips with him and admit it right now. You had that in your life yeah I did it and it was a battle for me it was a constant battle that I really fought for five years before I started realizing what my triggers were in and recognizing that you know I love my wife and my family more than I loved the trigger.

More than I love the issue if I wish it was a clean house. I love them more than 11 clean house so I can't let that dominate me. I can't let that affect my family so my battle was against the anger in the trigger instead of my family being that was all right for you can see this is a wonderful resource.

Again, Kim Whitehurst 336-970-7985 ministries called seasons of the heart. Thank you for listing them as lingering. We have so much fun here and if you can come of the boot camp got all kinds of change we want to break his it's all about freedom and spend time with the Lord up there that Can be amazing. It is April 28 through May 1 mass journey radio.org right now you need to go register we got early Bird pricing hundred $69. Don't miss it mastering journey radio boot camp coming up April 28 through May 1.

Thankfulness


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