Earthly Fathers After Hours

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Stay deep in the heart of central North Carolina. Masculine Journey After Hours, a time to go deeper and be more transparent on the topic covered on this week's broadcast. So sit back and join us on this adventure. The Masculine Journey After Hours starts here, now. Welcome to Masculine Journey After Hours, and we are in our pre-Father's Day show. Robby, it's Father's Day Eve, right? I mean, you're the Eve guy. You have to be the Eve guy.

It's just a single Eve. And it's right there, right around the corner. Yeah, it's tomorrow.

No more shopping days left. Yeah, yeah. No ties. Don't go get a tie.

Yeah, no screwdrivers. I mean, come on. Let's be a little bit more creative than that. But isn't it a holiday that does not sell any gifts? Yeah, yeah.

If you listen to the first show, I played a comedian, and he goes on to talk about that there are no stores except for the dollar store that has Father's Day sales. You know, I heard a good batch of divinity is good for Father's Day. Yeah, I heard divinity is good. I think everybody should get it for Jim. Yeah, Jim. In celebration of his divinity graduation.

I am the most divine one here. As far as you know. Yeah, that's true. Well, we are talking about fathers. We're talking about earthly fathers. Last week, our topic was on our Heavenly Father. So if you want to know what we said about that, go back and listen to the show. The show is from last week. But this week, we're continuing in the after hours talking about our earthly fathers and the impact that they made on us. And so Andy, you actually have the first clip of this after hours segment.

Is there some kind of word for that or something? You're first. There is a connection. We've got me divine and you Andy. And talk about people that shouldn't have been in show business. I didn't get that.

Harold did give him a mic. Oh, we're going way back. Okay, I still don't get it.

But okay, we're gonna divine. All right, I'll look it up. I've got Google. His movie name was Smiley Burnett, wasn't it? Oh, okay, of course.

I've probably seen a picture somewhere. Andy, do you even know where we're at right now? Andy, we're back to your clip. So we could go ahead and set that up.

That would be divine. So last week, I wasn't able to be here. And everybody knows I love talking about being fathered by God and my relationship with the Father. We should have been here last. Sorry, God. The air is human.

But I want to kind of combine it. This clip does a really good job of kind of pairing the two together of the relationship between a good earthly father and obviously our great heavenly father. This is from, I don't know if you've heard, but I Am Second is a ministry out there that kind of gets testimonies from famous people and really speaks into my life whenever I hear these testimonies. And this is from Jonathan Cain, who's a keyboard player for Journey, always loved Journey. And this kept coming up in my Facebook feed. And finally, I was like, I'm going to listen to the whole thing. And when I did, I was like, man, this is really good stuff.

And it was before we really got into the Father's Day stuff, but it was right on the Father. And you'll hear that. But he's basically, he gives his testimony. Go out there and listen to the whole five-minute clip. This is two minutes of it, but he talks about how his father's influence led him into, he didn't really serve God the whole time, but at a young age, his father had that impact on him. It was kind of the encouragement and the inspiration for Don't Stop Believing and then some other songs. You'll hear all that.

I'll talk about it when we get back. But it's just the relationship that you see of how his earthly father spoke into his life and it affected his relationship with his heavenly father. Of course, Journey came. But if I back up and mention the fact, my father was the one that gave me the advice, Don't Stop Believing. My dog got hit by a car. It was tragic. And I needed money to pay for the vet bill.

And I had to call him and I hated asking him for money. But I said, Dad, I just wondered, should I give up on this music dream and come home to Chicago and forget about it? And there was a silence for a minute. And then he said, John, this is your vision. No, you're not coming home.

Stay the course. Don't Stop Believing. And I wrote it down in this little lyric book that I had when I was writing lyrics. And it wasn't until five years later, Steve Perry looked at me and said, you got another song.

And I said, well, let me look at my book. And sure enough, there's what Dad had said. Thank you, Dad. Years later, when my father passed, I was devastated.

I didn't think I would be able to carry on. I always wrote for him. I thought I said everything I did, every note I play, I can trace back to my father. And then God, his voice came to me as I was weeping on the piano, said, no, John, it's been me. It's me, John.

It's always been me through him. But I am the source. I am where it comes from, John. You've pleased me. And I went, oh, man, how did I miss that? So you were the guy in the room when I wrote Faithfully.

Yeah. I'm forever yours, Lord, faithfully. Oh, God, you stand by me.

I'm forever yours faithfully. All those songs, Lord. Yes, it opened my eyes to, like, the transcendence of a father reaching down to his son. You know, through his natural father, there is this Heavenly Father, this voice that came to me. And now I know where it all comes from. And he's a good God.

My name is Jonathan Cain, and I am second. So it just really spoke to me. I've told a story on the radio show just of how when I really began to seek after God, and I think it was all an imitation process, how I went on the trip to Yosemite. He did three distinct kind of natural things that really showed his love towards me and made an impact on my life. And then he reminded me back about how when my dad left my life, he knew he had to leave the state and how he had taken me on this great vacation. He knowing that he wouldn't see me a long time.

I'm really unaware. I think he'll be back after he gets done with this job or whatever. And it was three places he took me, and God linked those. And it was like kind of his story and the fact that, you know, you think that you connected with your father, your earthly father, but there was a God back there behind all that orchestrating that. And I think it brought God great joy to be able to say, you thought your dad really did something for your heart, but look what I can do for your heart.

And I've never been the same. And, you know, it's just, it's a message about really why we were created is to have that father-son relationship with our heavenly father. But to speak more about my earthly father, he was that guy that said, don't stop believing. I remember I went to college, was just working, trying to make money and all. And I told dad about going and seeing the football team out there, and he knew I played and knew I loved it. Son, you ought to drop what you're doing and just go play. Dad's situation calls for me to work.

I can't really do that. But he had that kind of belief. The only game we won in my high school career was whenever he came in from out of state to my homecoming game, and we won that one game. So he was there. He had that presence. He wasn't a perfect man. And there was a lot of times that I looked at him.

It's pretty hard and not very spiritual. But then I began to, recently, in this last few years, I began to have more an appreciation. And our family comes from a line of preachers. And dad, I just, I began to remember all the things that he said spiritually later in his life. And he began, mom definitely had an impact on me, but my dad did as well.

Again, not a perfect man, but definitely a man. I knew I was the apple of his eye. And I knew that he was very proud of me. He knew, I knew he loved the spiritual walk that I had chosen to take. And a lot of times I think I felt like I did that on my own.

And it was always God doing it. But I think he had more of an impact on me than I actually thought. Another thing is just this thing I've really kind of gone after my ancestors. And I began to realize his spiritual walk about this time of his life and his desire to understand his family and that kind of thing, all that's happened to me, kind of, I didn't go after it to match up what he did.

It just kind of happened. And I looked back at it and I'm like, man, this is really cool. Thank you, Andy.

I appreciate that. Kenny, you actually have something that kind of ties in to this particular... Well, when he shared this, it just, you know, and then Father's Day came up, that song just popped in my head. Because just like the movies, y'all pull out them clips, it's got that moment or that hook. You say, you know, this is a reflection of the beauty of God or the truth. That song to me spoke that same way. Because if we lose hope, what have we got? Emptiness, depression, and try to fill it with anything else. So we'll play the clip and then we can talk about a little bit more.

All right, here we go. Don't stop believin' Hold on to that feelin' Streetlights, people Don't stop believin' Hold on to that feelin' Streetlights, people Well, to me, the hook was don't stop believin'. Because like I just mentioned, if we lose our faith, what do you fall back onto? Trouble, brokenness. And that's what it brings without God. And without the Heavenly Father, that's the reason the family is so much under attack and attacking even masculinity in itself.

What is a man, what is a woman? It's what God created. And Satan's always trying to make a mockery, because I think that's what a lot of people are doing. He mentioned that in one of the takes we did earlier. Robby, I see something clicking over there.

Okay. I was just curious about your dad. That's because he kept pouring into me. Don't lean on your own understanding and all your ways that acknowledge him. And he'll direct the past of your life.

And he was a musician. Don't stop believin'. Yeah.

Yeah. And I relate to that because of the music director, us playing our part, and God calls us out. We need to bring it up, we need to bring it back, we need to sit down and let other people carry it. And that's what I love about this brotherhood here. We call it the band of brothers. And I want to tell everybody.

Give me a minute. I'm at Carolina Bible Camp with my granddaughter. That's where I met these guys.

Because I knew the camp. And I heard you guys on the radio a little bit. And God said, go check them out. It seemed like they, you know, I heard about a little bit of shenanigans when I got down there.

But it was a really good group of guys. And you go after hearts. And you want to get that heart. Not for you, but for God.

Because you see the orphan spirit that God helped heal us from. And I recommend that it's coming up. And I appreciate you guys opening up next week.

I talked to one of the pastors. He's out down there working with us. And he's excited about next week meeting you guys. He's great. Yeah. He's working on an itinerary how to train our young men. And I said, these guys will be able to help you a whole lot. When I look around the room, not many of us hit that young category.

Chuck's the closest. No, but no, the sage part. Passing that wisdom all, hey, learn from our mistakes. Well, we all do.

We all do. And how to handle the mistakes. That's the important part, too. Because we're all broken.

And how not to handle them. Yeah, that's right, too. Your dad was a musician. Yes. Musician, not a musician.

Yeah. He wasn't a magician either. He had a little southern slang. And was he a professional musician? He could have been, but he chose not to because he told me the lifestyle and being away from us. He chose to work, work a factory job, support us and be home with his family. So he really set the example for me and how important family and church was above the opportunity he had because he could have been professional.

He could have been, but he chose no. So he taught you how to play? Kind of.

I hung around. I was around it so much growing up. But, you know, it's bluegrass, gospel, that type of thing. And I got to rock it real hard, I'm sorry. Yeah. But, yeah, I appreciate it.

I played some of that with him. I didn't notice, did y'all? I've not seen a theme there anywhere. Oh, well, you'll see more of it. I'll make sure I bring it. Yeah, I figured we're going to have a few more of those coming up.

Yes. Well, thank you. The next clip actually is one that we've played many times in different contexts, but I couldn't get away from this clip for this topic. You know, for me growing up, my dad, I was not expected. You know, my dad was 49 when I was born. I was not planned. You know, I kind of came along. A lot more to that story I won't get into on the air, but should not have, I should not have been born from the standpoint from a worldly thing. You know, should not have been able to be born, but God had different plans. Amen.

Thank goodness. And so, you know, I came along and my dad had been born in 1914. I was born in 1963. And so, a lot of life differences. You know, we didn't have a lot in common. My dad was not a Christian when I was growing up.

He did become one before he passed away. So, we just didn't have a lot in common. And so, that led to a lot of misunderstandings.

It led to a lot of good fodder for the enemy to attack my heart. Yes. Right? And so, in this clip, and I'll come back and I'll talk about it more, but this is from Everybody Loves Raymond. It's one that we've used in the past. It's a horse track. Their wives think that they're out getting counseling, but they're at the horse track betting. And so, they have to come up with their reason why that, you know, what their breakthrough was for the week. And so, as they're talking through trying to figure out what they're going to tell the women when they get back, the dad opens up and shares some of his story that the boys never knew. And so, we're going to listen to that.

Frank, Sharon, the boys share their perspective on it, and then we'll talk about it when they come back. My dad used to tell me horrible stories about how his father used to hit him when he wasn't hitting me. Grandpa Joe hit you?

Sure. I got hit every day. Wow, Dad. I didn't know that it was like that for you. It was like that for everybody. That's just the way it was. So, your dad's dad hit him, he hit you, and you never really hit us. I couldn't.

I don't know. I was always weaker than him. Maybe you didn't want to be like him.

I didn't. So, where that comes from and why I use that clip, you know, when I was thinking about my dad's impact on my life, I could say, well, you know, he gave me a lot of good advice. You know, never throw the first punch in a fight, so I did everything I could except throw the punch to get a fight started. You know, you work your way around it.

I hit a female. You know, lots of dadly advice, and it was sound stuff, and I did internalize that and believe it and live from that. It was good advice. I'd also say that, you know, he had a great quick wit, you know, and so I got to see that a lot, and I think that that's where some of you guys would disagree.

What I call my sense of humor comes from, but, you know, that's from him. And so, you know, I definitely had some things, but I was really struggling. And then I started thinking about the things that I chose to do because he didn't do them or chose not to do because he did do them. For example, my dad never came to any of my baseball games.

I played many, many years. He came to three games. He was a huge baseball fan, huge baseball fan, never came to any of my games. It wasn't though he wasn't available. It just he didn't come, you know, and so the enemy's attack on that was, see, you're just not important. I mean, it's not baseball he doesn't love, it's you, you know, and so there was a lot of attacks there. Later on, I learned it's because he couldn't smoke a cigarette down at the ball field is the only reason he didn't come, you know.

And so, but, you know, as a kid, you don't know how to interpret that or deal with it, and there was things. And so growing up, my kids were growing up rather, I was at every one of their events unless I physically could not be there. I would do everything I had to to get there. I didn't care if it was choir, you know, a track meet, whatever it was, whatever they were in, I was doing.

You know, I was going to be there for a performance, a game, whatever. And it was really important to me because I knew the pain of when dad wasn't there, right. And so initially I thought, well, what I really kind of got from my dad was what not to do or what to do in different situations. You know, and then God reminded me of this clip and reminded me of after my dad passed away, my dad passed away in 1984, I was 21.

And so he's been gone a number of years. And so, you know, after I started walking in some of this message from Wild at Heart and really getting my heart back and some things, it led into lots of conversations with my mom and eventually to one of my older sisters just asking him questions about my dad's life. And what really was important that God unpacked for me there was dad wasn't there to share it like Frank did with his sons. But my mom was able to share some stuff with me. My sister was able to share stuff with me that she saw. She was 14 years older than me.

And so she saw a lot of things as a teenager that I wouldn't have had any clue about. And she helped me understand what she knew about dad's life growing up as a kid. And so what I did learn that I got from him is he protected me in a lot of ways like Frank protected his boys. If you ever watched Everybody Loves Raymond, Frank's not a model dad in a lot of ways.

But when you know the rest of the story, you know the perspective, Frank was given everything he could. And he was loving those boys as well as he could. You know, and I look back at my dad and my dad had some things that he didn't do great. But to his ability, he loved me very well. You know, and if my kids can at least say that to my ability, I loved him very well. Then I think I've been a successful dad. Right, especially helping lead him to God and you know those things. And you know, so when I look back, I see my dad totally differently. Not that he was perfect, you know, none of us are perfect.

But those flaws that I thought he had weren't really what I thought they were because I didn't have the eyes to see him clearly. If that makes sense. So my dad did give me a lot of things and I'm still working to unpack some of that even this many years later.

Yeah, and I think we were talking about this too. And I think hearing your story and just even my dad's and stuff. I think there's another thing too of appreciating what they actually went through themselves. The hurt that they experienced, the wounds that they experienced. My dad ended up, his dad ended up committing suicide but his dad wasn't involved in his life. You know, at a young age for all the way through his life. He never really knew a father other than a rough grandfather.

So anyway, just another perspective on just what people bring and hurt people hurt people I guess. Oh yeah, if you would have asked me, I would have said, you know, my dad was a pretty hard man. You know, as far as the way he approached things. Well, learning stories about my grandfather before he became a Christian was an extremely hard man. You know, and looking at my dad, there was no comparison.

You know, it was Frank and his dad, you know, from the clip. It was a world of difference. You know, and having that perspective changes everything. You know, you can see things differently. How often did you beat your children, Sam?

As they needed it. I was sort of abused that your father, I mean, I was raised, you never hit a girl. Yeah. And the worst beating I got in high school, or actually in my life, was a girl in a semi-rod at school that I wouldn't, I finally had to run away. She scratched me half a day.

Oh yeah. I had the same thing in sixth grade. I won't mention the lady's name because I'm still friends with her on Facebook and I don't want her to know it was her. But she was beating the snot out of me and I couldn't hit her back, you know, because my dad said you don't hit a girl.

You know, at some point I just had to get up and leave, you know, because she just kept wailing on me. I'm sure I said something. Go figure. Nah, nah, nah.

Nah, that could have happened. But now we switch over to Harold. Harold, would you like to tell us a little bit about, you know, your impact your dad had on your life? Yeah, there was a lot of negative for most of my life that I look back.

Then I began to look back and I could see some of the positives. My dad worked with the gas company there in Alabama, putting in pipeline, operating a ditching machine, and if it was 102 outside, he was there. If it was below zero, he was there.

And he hated the cold. And one of the things he said to me very frequently looking back on it was, son, get yourself an education so you don't have to work like I do. He wasn't telling me, you know, that he was going to fund me getting an education. He was leaving it up to me, you know, it was so he was encouraging me to seek a different way of earning a living. But he was also pointing out that it was up to me to do it.

And I did. And education became a very important thing to me. And for many years, I had a lot of resentment because my father had a problem with alcohol and it affected me greatly. And I went through a love hate relationship with my father because of it. When I became an adult, and of course he eventually stopped his drinking, but I began to look at his past.

He was born in 1910. And I remember that as a youngster, you know, young teenager, you know, he left home. And he hoboed his way out to Texas to try to find a job. And talking with me one time, he told me that he went hungry a lot because he kept the dollar in his shoe because if they caught you and you didn't have at least a dollar, they'd put you in the jail.

So he had to go hungry rather than give up his money at the risk of jail time. So, you know, my dad had his own demons to fight. I was actually an adult before I realized that he had been married before he and my mother were married. And his first wife was pregnant with what would have been their first child and got typhoid fever and both died. And that was like in May of that year. And I saw my father could go months sometimes without drinking at all and may roll around and kapow.

You know, he's gone. And my dad was not a social drinker. But he was not abusive to us either. What I suffered from was the shame. You talked about you wanted your dad at the ball games. Well, when I was playing high school football, I didn't want my dad to come because he would be drinking and I would be embarrassed. And so it was kind of a thing where, you know, I had to forgive him after I became older and smarter. I did forgive my dad.

But I still realize the impact it had on me. Did you play quarterback? Or even eighth back. He was a lineman.

Leave him alone. I was running back. He was quick. Cornerback on defense. Kick returner, punt returner.

Yeah, we'll go with that. I know you were, Harold. Thank you, Harold, for sharing. Thank you for listening to the show. We who are all on the air today, we're all fathers. And one of the things I want to leave you with is we are so incredibly proud of our kids. And so if you're having one of our kids listen, we couldn't be more proud of you. We love you. We're thankful that God gave you to us. And we're very thankful every day that we have you. Listen to us again next week. We'll talk with you then. This is the Truth Network.