This is the Truth Network. The heart of every man craves a great adventure, but life doesn't usually feel that way. Jesus speaks of narrow gates and wide roads, but the masculine journey is filled with many twists and turns.
So, how do we keep from losing heart while trying to find the good way when life feels more like a losing battle than something worth dying for? Grab your gear and come on a quest with your band of brothers, who will serve as the guides in what we call the masculine The masculine journey starts here now. Welcome to my schooling journey. We're glad that you're with us this week. We we have six people in studio, but we still are missing some people.
You know, Robby is on a very exciting trip for him, and so hopefully that's going well. And Danny just wanted to stay home. I think I don't really know what's going on, Danny. And and we'll see Grant at some point again. He'll make his appearance.
Danny says he's on call and working, but we don't. Yeah, it's yeah. And if we can keep you awake for the whole hour that we do the show, that's going to be pretty much an. Amazing thing too. Danny, defense mode there, didn't you?
No, turn it back on me. Yeah, I just always like to turn it back on you. Today's topic that we'll be talking about it kind of came to me over this weekend. This last weekend, I went up to Virginia Beach, which from here is about. Four hours and forty minutes to get there, and and my daughter in law, Kai, her her father had passed away a few months ago.
His name was Russ, and he didn't want to have a funeral. He wanted to have a celebration of life service, and so they decided to have it this last weekend. And although I didn't really know Russ very well, I'd met him a few times and saw him at the wedding, you know, and things like that. I I didn't really know much about his story, and so I went and. There people I knew there was my son and daughter, daughter-in-law, son and daughter-in-law, her mom, her brother, my ex-wife, and my wife.
That's the old people I knew that was there. But it was interesting just kind of sit back and watch and to listen and to learn. Pretty cool thing about his name was Russ. Pretty cool thing about him is he moved to Virginia Beach when he was seven and lived there the whole rest of his life. But he had been A teacher, many of those years helping special needs kids, but there were times that he wasn't doing that as well.
And he was a teacher for forty years there. And so they had the celebration life service at a local establishment that he liked to go to from time to time. That a volleyball court down in the center of it, and he and His whole family had played college college volleyball, and so that was really important to their life. But as I sat there for a while, not knowing who to talk to or anything, I started to hear some things. And one of the things that my daughter-in-law told me some stories about him, and then my son told me a story that he had heard.
And so my my daughter-in-law self admittedly say she's not good with names at all, right? And she said. She got that from her dad naturally, right? But one of the stories that Caleb shared with me, Kai was telling him about her dad. Said that there was countless times that she was growing up, somebody'd come up to her dad and say, "You know what?
Things like, you know, I didn't know anyone here in this this town, and you were my first friend that I made, and you made a big impact. You know, made me really want to stay here, and and all that." Or he'd run into somebody and they'd say, "Well, you know, you taught me years ago, and you made a huge impact." On me, and she said almost every time I'd say after they left, she'd say, "Dad, who was that?" And he says, "I have no idea." When I heard that, it made me laugh, but it also made me think about this topic of legacy. Right, yeah. The way you treat people is your legacy, right? And he didn't need to know all their names; he just had to treat them well, right?
He treated Mike, probably, I'd say, like they're his favorite person, right? And this place was packed. It was four hours that went on. I was there two hours of it. It was just nonstop people coming in, hanging out, talking, reminiscing about stories, and it was just pretty neat to see that you know, just being who he was.
Made the impact, yeah, right, and and so it brought up this topic, brought up to the guys about okay, what about legacy? What do you want your legacy to look like, right? Because either way, we're leaving a legacy of some sort. Right, my dad did a lot of things well. He didn't do some things very well, but either way, he made an impression on me in either direction.
Yeah, I either wanted to do it like him, or I surely didn't want to do it like him. Yeah, right. And so, you know, legacy was left in that way, and we're all going to leave that same thing, but much bigger than that. You know, what will people remember when we're gone? Yeah.
My dad was a lot like what you described as Kai's dad. That he he was handicapped, wasn't always handicapped, but he but he was from his. Early adulthood and and on, and I I don't know what that changed in him, but I think it made him more sensitive to the fact that someone might feel uncomfortable wherever they're at, and he was. People described him as a Mark Twain, you know, a guy that he liked everybody. Never met a man he didn't like.
I mean, he did tell me there were a couple, you know, but most of them were his family. I'm just teasing.
Well, that goes. But, but yeah, I mean, and and you you you wish you would have known him better, right? To ask some of those questions.
Well, what was it that made you like? That you know why did that become important to you, and that sort of stuff. But yeah, I mean, I still get messages from my friends that I hadn't talked to in twenty five thirty years, who are like, "Man, your dad was so cool," or, you know, my cousins and people like that. You know, dad was known as the favorite uncle. You know, the favorite whatever, and he just was.
I mean, because he and it wasn't because he was so cool. It was because he made you feel like he thought you were pretty cool. Yeah, you know. Yeah, and it wasn't fake. No, it was authentic with you.
The well, you're talking. I remember when my mom passed away. A lot of my friends from college reached out to me, and my mom worked at the college that I went to, and she was in the registration thing. And so, back in those days, you didn't have computer registration. You had to fill out this card and take it in, and they'd scan it through a machine to see if you got the class kind of thing.
And so, my mom worked there, but I never realized how much of an impact she made on all my friends when I wasn't around them, because they'd all talk. Stories when they'd go in and they'd start talking to her, and she would just again treat them like they're she's they're their her favorite, right? And they just had lots of good things to say about her, and and that's what you know. I hope, if nothing else, my life comes down to something like that, right? That people just appreciate the way that I treated them.
You know, I think that if you want to pull people into get to know Jesus, they're going to do that a lot more when they really appreciate who you are, yeah, than what you say, yeah, right. And so I think that makes a bigger impact. That's a good point that you made there because I hadn't really thought about it. But my mom, she retired from Haynes after like thirty years, I think it was somewhere thereabouts, maybe even more. And when she did.
They did this big, you know, going away sign, and just the the comments that a lot of people left. And I knew she had made an impact. She'd just tell me, and people in her department and all. But she definitely left a legacy there. And long time friends and long time people that mom was one of those too.
I think she has felt like she was on the fringe, but she did all she could to make other people comfortable and stuff.
So. Yeah, we don't take take the time a lot a lot of times to think back. About our family members, we think about how they impacted us, but not the rest of their world. Usually, yeah, you know, and we saw them differently lots of times than the rest of the world saw. Right, right.
I remember Mom coming home tired from working all day at the school. You know, a little bit more than I remember some of the other stuff.
Well, I'm going to play a clip that we we use a bit. We've used it a bit, but it's from Dead Poet Society, and Robin Williams is here talking to his class about poetry. And so you know they're all in different types of majors. You know none of them are going to be a poetry major, right? Is what they're looking at.
But he's explaining to them the importance of poetry. But then also he turns it a little bit. And I want to listen to it, and we'll come back and talk about it. We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race, and the human race is filled with passion.
Medicine, law, business, engineering—these are noble pursuits, necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love—these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman: "O me, O life, of the questions of these recurring." Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities filled with the foolish, what good amid these, O me, O life? Answer. That you are here.
That life exists, and identity. That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be? And that's a great question.
You know, we're all going to leave some type of legacy. What's that going to be remembered about you? Right, because you have time to have it look different. You know, you have time to change some of that perception of you. Harold, you had something you want to add to that?
Yeah, I think that if I could pick my verse, it would be the one that explains. The relationship that I have with my sweetheart. In fact, I've written quite a number of poems, but the one that she loves most is the one that goes, "I am you, you are me, together we are one. Strange, love the key, us till time is done." I wrote that, and then later we had our photograph taken under street signs in her sister's neighborhood in Huntsville, Alabama, the intersection of Harold and Janice streets, and I got it cross stitched, and a Christmas present for her. But if I could write my legacy, other than that, I would like for it to be, he was there when I needed him.
I want to be reliable, loyal, not not just a golden retriever licking your feet. But also the the German Shepherd that will save your life if you can. Yeah, that's good, Harold. I'm assuming the the Herald Street was like cobblestone or brick. It wasn't.
It wasn't quite into the paved times yet. Anyway, but thank you for sharing that, Harold. I appreciate it. The it's a great thing to think about. You know, because every day we're so busy in what we're doing.
You know, there's the next thing you got to get to, the next appointment you have, the next work thing, the next personal thing. the The kids have something going on. Oh, everything just fills your time, right? And in those times is when you leave the legacy. But I think there's a lot of it you need to really be intentional about.
Because if not, they may not get your best side that you want to leave, and so we'll leave you with that for now. We're going to come back and talk more about it. If you want to know what we have coming up, we're going to be doing a boot camp in the spring. We'll be posting that as soon as we have the details available. But we'll talk with you after the break.
What we have at our boot camp is something that makes you stronger and gives you the strength to go on. Your regular walk with God—it's something that will make you be bigger than you were when you got there. The first one, I had no clue what I was walking into, and then realizing that other people are in the same boat, and you know how open everybody was to share their struggle—it was a great group, and a lot of talking was able to be done. It is a tight bond of men; everybody's the same, and each and every time that I've come to the camp, I've learned something different, and not. One man that's ever been there neglects not to take time out to talk or to share.
It's serious business, and you need to come one time. You break bread with the men, fellowship, feel atmosphere. Hear the people pray and get down to earth about what's going on in life and get real. Register today at MasculineJourney.org. And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me he'd grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me. And the cat's in the cradle, and the silver spoon. Little boy blue and the man on the moon. When you're coming home, son, I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Dad. We're gonna have a good time there.
Welcome back to Masking Journey. That was the bump. It was Harry Chapin. I can't remember the name of it. All of a sudden, Cats in the Cradle.
They just sang it. You know, I'm like, yeah, a couple times, and I was just in front of you. Then it just goes away. Absolutely. I had had another couple bumps that I was looking at.
I had Tim McGraw live like you were dying and some things, and I went, no, I think I want to use this one. Because back to the point we're talking about before the break, you're going to leave a legacy, right? And and I don't know about all the dads out there, but every time I heard the song, my stomach turned, wondering, okay, what have I done that my kids are emulating that wasn't necessarily positive. Right, because the story of the song—if you don't know the song—is his his kid always wants him to do stuff with him, but he's always too busy living life that didn't include the son. Yeah, you know, and to play ball and all the things the son wanted to do, and he just keep telling him, you know, we'll get together then, son.
We'll do it, you know, next weekend, or we'll do it this. And so as life goes on, his son grows up. He the son becomes exactly like the dad and has no time for his dad. I mean, I really like that song. I've used it before, and you know, it's just a feeling of melancholy that comes over me every time—just sadness because you know what the the song is about.
But I was thinking earlier when we were talking about, um. You know how we how we look at life. I think if you sit around and you are always trying to achieve something to have a legacy, I think that's misguided. But I think, you know, Morgan says. Living the day, measuring the decade.
You have to do some measuring. You have to do some evaluation to make to see like am I am I giving my kids what I need to? Am I investing in those? Thinking long term. Everybody wants a legacy, but if you're doing it just for the legacy instead of just serving your kids, like the gospel tells us to do, you've kind of got it out of alignment.
But I think if you choose to do the right things, that's the legacy that. You want and I don't know. I'm just trying to say that if your purpose is to go out there and build a legacy by doing all the right things, you're probably going about it wrong. Absolutely, you know. As you were talking, I was thinking about a clip we didn't get, but there's one from a Denzel Washington movie where you know he's talking with his son.
He just tells his son how he just provided for him all along the way, and as I was thinking about that clip, I was thinking about you know the fences, yeah, fences. I think it is the the enemy clouds so much of what we see, yeah, right. You know, it can cloud.
Well, I've given them everything they need, so you know, I was a great dad, right? You know, the funny thing about all of that is this: that we can so overlook the. Perfect opportunity because it seems so small. Yeah, it it could be, you know, your your. Child comes in the room and wants to talk about something, and and I mean, I get it.
Yeah, kids interrupt all the time, right? And and let me let me just say this as a man who's you know in his sixties and has grown up kids, they still interrupt at just the wrong time.
So you never grow out of that. And I am sure that parents interrupt kids just at the wrong time, right? And so that's kind of my point is. You know, you have to, as as Andy was talking about, you have to be in the present. If if you're not in the present, it's pretty hard to not go wait.
What's needed. Right now, you know it. It doesn't take long to stop and and question. I mean, does my wife need me to scream at her right now because she keeps putting short jars on the tall shelf in the refrigerator, or does she need me to just move the short jars over to the tall shelf and say, "Honey," while I am in the kitchen? Can I get you anything?
I mean, you know, those are the moments, right? That it's so easy to miss. Because it seems so small, and yet those small moments affect people. In really, really cool ways, and then those small negative moments. In fact, people in really, really uncool ways.
One of the things that we talked about when I do a lot of training, you know, is taking a concept somebody else had, which is what trainers do—they just take somebody else's stuff and repackage it. But you know, the whole concept that everybody has—an emotional bank account, right—and so you're either making deposits or withdrawals in that account, and all those little things you talk about. Our withdrawals, right, and the problem is we get so many of them. Their account is overdrawn, right, and that's what happens to marriages. That's what happens to friendships.
You know, it's not the fact that you have good and bad times. That's called life. It's when you make more withdrawals than you do deposits in a relationship. It's never going to last long term. I can't remember who I said it to recently, but.
Oh, it was it was a friend, and she was talking about somebody that really irritates her because they don't load the dishwasher correctly. And I have used this. I have used this. I know Harold talks about it too, and Harold and I are a lot alike, except he's a hundred years older than I am.
So I've got hope. But people, my grandkids, my my. Very young grandkids who didn't know me and my first wife when we were really married, and we have a great relationship now, but we're not married anymore, and we're both married to other people, and. And one of my granddaughters said one time, Papa, why did you and Nana get divorced? And I said, Well, because she didn't load the dishwasher correctly.
And you know, and it was a joke. And I just had to explain to her, sweetie, I was not the easiest guy to live with. That's the reality of it. And you just needed to write a poem. That's what Harold did after his experience.
But yeah, this this girl was she was lamenting that, and I said, Yeah, that cost me a marriage once, and just. And she was just looked at me like what you know, and but yeah, I mean, just those little tiny things make a difference. Oh yeah, and it's funny how kids see things. And this has nothing to with the topic, but when Misty and I got married earlier this year, you know, we're much older in life compared to most people, and her three-year-old granddaughter's like, "Are you guys going to have babies?" In her mind, you know, people get married to have babies, you know. But she's like, "No." Yeah, that would be a legacy.
You know, it's funny; it's not just children. Because when I met my second wife and we started dating, we were both, you know, in our forties, and my mom. Immediately said to me, "She can't have children, can she?" I was like, "We got it handled, mom. Yeah, we know what to do there." Anyway, well, since you have a mic in front of you, you have the next clip.
Well, this comes from Mr. Holland's Opus, and I picked the clip not knowing that Kai's father was a teacher, but this is about a guy that was a teacher, and he didn't want to be a teacher. He wanted to be a Great music writer. He wanted to create symphonies and and he wanted a grand opus and he wanted to be famous and and wealthy and all of those things. And he was none of those things, except to the people that knew him well and.
Wasn't a perfect guy at all. Had a really struggled relationship with his son, quite frankly, because his son was deaf, and his son couldn't hear the music the way he could, and so it was always a wedge that the enemy used between them. But in this in this clip, you will hear towards the end of his life, or his career, he's retiring, and one of the students that he affected greatly while she was in his class was a young lady who eventually becomes governor of of the state, and so she is coming back to the school as the guest of honor, and she comes in late, so you'll hear a little bit about that, but. And she kind of explains to him what's really going on. My apologies for my tardiness, and Principal Walters, I'd like you to know.
Yes, I brought a note from my mother. Mr. Holland had a profound influence on my life, on a lot of lives, I know. And yet, I get the feeling that he considers a great part of his own life. Mispent.
Rumor had it he was always working on this symphony of his, and this was going to make him famous, rich, probably both. But Mr. Holland isn't rich, and he isn't famous, at least not outside of our little town.
So it might be easy for him to think himself a failure, and he would be wrong. Because I think he's achieved a success far beyond riches and fame. Look around you. There is not a life in this room that you have not touched, and each one of us is a better person because of you. We are your symphony, Mr.
Holland. We are the melodies and the notes of your opus, and we are the music of your life. Yeah, it's so cool that we we don't often see ourselves nearly as well as other people around us do. And you know, I've talked openly about my failures in life, and as a pastor, as a father, as a friend, different things. And as a guy who's you know in his sixtieth.
For his sixth decade of life, I I know that I am not going to live forever, and that the the end of my life is going to be a whole lot quicker than than the beginning. Right up till now, and that's fine. I want the rest of my life to be way more productive than. All of the time up until now, and it's been pretty productive, honestly. But the only way that's going to happen is walking with Jesus and walking with some people who love you immensely, and.
Unconditionally, and love you in spite of you. Honestly, and we all need that, right? And and obviously, Kai's dad made people feel that way. Your mom made people feel that way. Andy's mom made people feel that way.
Jem's talked openly about his dad and the the way his dad made people feel that way. And it's just so cool that we get to walk in the footsteps of giants like that. Absolutely, you know, you're talking about being more productive. I think what changes is your perspective on what productive is. Yes, right.
It's not the achievements on a checklist, as it is more relationship-driven. Amen. Right. You know, it becomes a different priority. Yeah.
This weekend. Go ahead. We got plenty of time. No, probably not for what I want to share. I just—it was a good weekend in the fact that I got finally got some time with my daughter.
She and busy, and I'm busy, and just to go and sit and have a conversation. Whereas I'm not always present really that well. I'm working on that and stuff, but I know that that is the part of my legacy that. I value the most. Perry Chapin wrote that song for you.
Is that what I'm hearing? Yeah. Yeah. And I do remember a few years ago, God gave you the word present. Yeah, because you used it like twenty times on one of our one of our sessions.
A while. I think I'm like a year or two behind my word usually. Yeah. Well, we'll talk with you next week. Love somebody well this week.
