Coming to you from an entrenched barricade deep in the heart of Central North Carolina, Masculine Journey After Hours, a time to go deeper and be more transparent on the topic covered on this week's broadcast.
So sit back and join us on this adventure. The Masculine Journey After Hours starts here, now. Welcome to Masculine Journey After Hours. We are in the middle of our foundation series. We're somewhere along the way in our foundation series.
I don't know if we've quite reached the middle yet. I can't really say that in all honesty. We're probably somewhere near the beginning of it, would be by guess. But we'll do it as long as God tells us to do it, and then we'll stop and move on to something else. But we're continuing the foundation series where we're talking about the beliefs of the ministry and the things that where we found freedom and we found life in deeper intimacy with God.
And so we're taking a boot camp talk again this week. We'd used a poser last week. And this week we're talking about the wound, you know, and why it's important to turn to God with those wounded, broken areas in our life and what he does with them. And so we've talked about that at the last show. And we're going to continue that and go a little bit deeper.
And I'm going to turn it over to you guys now, because I talked pretty much the whole last show. I may, you know, chime in once in a while. But Robby, you have the first clip of this show if you want to set it up or however you want to go about getting it played yeah i didn't know what to say there i ran out of words i was like i got nothing so you know it it's usually described in the book wild at heart as the father wound right right and the fact that every man you know it there's some level where the enemy wants clearly you to take whatever your father wound is and project it onto God to create a lack of intimacy between you and God based on a lack of intimacy between you and your father. And, you know, there's a pattern there, but obviously, or maybe I shouldn't say that, but one of the most amazing relationships in the Bible is that of Jesus and his father, right? Here's a picture of what this should look like.
Here's what this relationship should be. One of, you know, just unbelievable admiration, love, support, acceptance, all those things. And it's the most fabulous relationship, you know, that you can possibly dream of. Especially if you think about it, if you had some kind of relationship with your dad, there were probably special moments in there. I hope they're not totally tainted, but times he took you fishing or maybe you went on this special trip somewhere or maybe it was at a certain event that he took you to or whatever it was where you felt loved and accepted and you wanted to go on that kind of journey and you wanted to do it with dad.
That was what you wanted and unfortunately when that didn't play out in the rest of your life, it seemed to be pointed back that I don't have what it takes. It's not a matter of my father let me down. It was a matter of I'm letting down my father or I'm a disappointment. And I had a great father. There's no doubt he was a great man.
And in so many different ways, certainly in his career, climbed up the ladder in General Motors, actually to becoming a vice president of General Motors at one point in time through Buick Motor Division. And he had this very illustrious career, which made him very, very busy. And so he would leave out on Monday morning to go do his work, and we wouldn't see him again until Friday night. And by that time, he was really tired, and he had a bunch of work for us to do over the weekend. But when he took us on vacation, it was a different deal.
But that was what I learned, was that was what a man does. He goes out and provides at some kind of level that was above excellence. And my father believed in above excellence. And so one of my wounds was that I was a disappointment to my dad, that I didn't have that kind of career, that I couldn't possibly compete intellectually with him, and things like that. And so as that projected on throughout my life, part of what happened to me was that I didn't like hanging around him.
As I got into my late teens and early 20s and trying to find my own way, you know I wasn't looking for gee I need to go spend time with my dad because at this point in time it was hurt it hurt and it made me feel like less than made me feel like a disappointment and that led to a relationship that wasn't what it should have been and undoubtedly was projected on God by some level and so this clip that I want to play is from the movie um click which is to me in one of the more amazing Adam Sandler movies. And the idea here, this man has got a remote control, like a man with a remote control. And he's able to go back to places in his life, you know, and revisit them and even hit super slow mode to go through them in any way that he wants to revisit that. Or he can fast forward through his life to see, you know, what his life is going to be. But the problem is once he goes through it, he can't come back.
And he realizes the man that he becomes is a lot different than what he felt like he should have been. But a lot of it was because he was driven to by his father and to be, you know, not less than.
So in this scene, he is trying to do all his work to be, you know, all the greatest of whatever it is that he does. You know, he wants to be the greatest. And he's so busy that he doesn't have time for his son first. but then his dad shows up and he wants to take him to dinner. And again, when you hear Adam Sandler speaking, some of the times it's the character of him as he was in life, but the other one is him with the remote control talking to himself as like what a schmuck.
He's talking about his own self, that he was being a fool and not taking advantage of the time he left with his dad because shortly after this clip his dad dies. And then where is he? He doesn't have a chance to go back and have that relationship with his dad.
So as you listen to this, you can kind of get a feel of what that feels like.
So, Michael, I had a wonderful idea. Your mother playing canasta with her friends tonight I thought oh what a great opportunity You me and Ben should go and have a boys night out Can What do you mean you can You have to eat sometime. We could go, we could whistle at pretty girls. I'm down for that. See, he's down.
I don't know what it means, but he's down. Hey, please. Don't give me that finger. I'll make you a deal. If you come, I'll show you the quarter trick.
Will you look at the man? I'll tell you the secret. No, Dad. Don't you want to know how you do the stupid trick? I've always known.
Can you let me do my work? You've always known. You're pathetic. I'm so sorry I parched in. I love you, son.
See you later, Grandpa. I love you. Dad. Bob. Bob.
I love you, son. I love you, son. Yeah, that's... It's tough. Right, it hurts.
And, you know, I'd never, as I was clipping that for the show tonight, you know I'd noticed that the you know Fonz whatever you want to call it. Henry Winkler. Henry Winkler. Yeah. Not Harry.
That's his brother I think. Because you can't think of Cats in the Cradle as done by Harry Chapin so it's kind of like it mixes the whole thing like oh my goodness you know my father dearly loved me and I can't imagine how it hurt him that I wanted to be distant from him because he didn't understand. You know, he followed his life the way he probably got it from his father and on down it goes. But, you know, here it continues to go down the generations as well, like between me and my son, right? Because undoubtedly when, you know, I was in my 30s and 40s, you know, I got up at 5 o'clock in the morning to go prove that I could be the greatest car dealer in the world or whatever it was that was my so-called dream at the time and came home late at night, probably grumpy, and not unlike what I went through there.
And so the healing is critical. And unfortunately, I ended up with it. Last time I saw my dad, I got to help take care of him the last few years of his life, and he came to several boot camps, and we talked a lot about all these things and we pushed into them. Unlike Adam Sandler's character, we got to get to that point where we had that reconciliation and we got to have that father and son relationship, go fishing and some stuff near the end of his life that is, oh, so precious. I can't even imagine, or I don't want to imagine, You know, if God hadn't pushed into the healing part of my life and I'd lost my dad before, you know, we'd had a chance to get back, you know, some that the locusts had eaten.
And, you know, there's a lot of forgiveness in the middle of all that. And there's a lot of agreements that had to be broken, but it is worth pushing into. Yeah, I said I wasn't going to talk this show, but I'm already not being truthful about that. One thing I would encourage you, you know, my dad passed away in 85. and I went to my first boot camp in 2002.
So not much chance to go there, but God has done a lot of healing in my life with my relationship with my dad by helping me see the challenges my dad had and talking to my mom when she was alive and talking to my older sister who's still alive, oldest sister that's still alive, I've got two that are alive, and her sharing things and stories of my dad that I never knew. And so there's still healing available even if the person's not there because the Father's still there, and he can still take you into those things. And so don't write anything off. Just let God take you where he takes you.
Okay. I'm being looked at. It must be my turn.
Well, you could do your clip. Let me go to Harold real quick first, then I'll do your clip. Harold, would you like to add anything to the topic so far that we've been talking about?
Well, what I had planned to talk about, Robby just stole my thunder. Oh, okay. I was going to talk about the fact that one of the really downsides to it is passing on. And we can be so hurt that we rebel, and in our own way, in a different way, we hurt our son so that he gets a father wound. Yeah, and then it just carries on.
And, you know, that's a hard thing that you realize is once you can start to see your wounds, God, well, first the enemy starts showing you all the times you've wounded other people. But then God will walk you through those as well, you know, and let you go back and know when to apologize or how to apologize or how to let it go when they don't receive it. Right. But, you know, just following his lead and he's taking you down a path that he wants to take you. I think the wound you give hurts worse than the wound you get.
It hurts every bit as much anyway. Yeah, it sure feels that way.
Okay. This is sort of a Paul Harvey version. You're going to get the rest of the story in the clip. But these are two guys, and the culprit here is the United States government for both of them. One was a Confederate soldier and one was a Cherokee Indian, which a Cherokee is enough.
And his name in this is Stan Waddy and he has been sent on the Trail of Tears where he lost his entire family to transplant them from Carolina Tennessee area to Oklahoma and then he is, what's happening in this is he has gone to Washington and he's still wearing his frat coat in the scene here talking to the hero of the entire movie, Josie Wales, who has virtually nothing to say. But let's go ahead and play it and we'll chat on the back end. seems like we can't dress the white man you bet we can't the war of this uh frock coat in washington before the war we wore them because uh we belong to the five civilized tribes we dressed ourself up like abram lincoln you know we got to see the secretary of the interior and he said boy you boys sure look civilized he congratulated us and he gave us medals for looking so civilized. We told him about how our land had been stolen and our people were dying. When we finished, he shook our hands and said, endeavor to persevere.
They stood us in the line, John Jumper, Chili McIntosh, Buffalo Hump, and Jim Buckmark, and me. I'm Lone Waddy. They took our pictures, and the newspaper said, Indians vow to endeavor to persevere. We thought about it for a long time, endeavor to persevere. And when we had thought about it long enough, we declared war on the Union.
And that last little bit of story was Josie Wells, excited about the story. I picked this one largely because I love this movie. But the wounds that we suffer often can be totally, and usually are, totally out of our control. And he was trying to defend his people and just got a medal and a nice set of clothes and congratulated for being civilized. And so they went to war.
And that governments to me are general, and I'm not saying anything political about what's going on now, but governments are institutions created by men, but they're not men. And to get to know people, it has to be individually. And my father was well-loved by people of many levels. And one of my—the last wound I recognized that God took me through was how I could not be like my father. I wanted to emulate my earthly father as well as my godly father.
and I always felt, sort of like Robby said, there was no chance I would come up to the stature and the community or in much of any way to what my father was. And the wound, and I often will say most of my wounds are self-inflicted. Mine was, but it was because I wanted to emulate him and I was not the man that he was and I wasn't meant to be. But the way God healed me with that, and this was well, I mean, I was well in my 40s when, and I went to divinity school. And my father, and just, I could feel it now, sitting out in the car outside our house, my house.
And he said, Jimmy, I'm so proud of you. And that, from a father, means everything. And if you didn't get it from your human father, you've got it from your heavenly father. And that was the point that I really wanted to get to. He's going to take you to the healing of whatever wounds you have, however horrific they may be.
He can get you to that point of loving people and emulating his son, Jesus Christ. And that's our goal. Yeah. And once you start peeling back wounds, the thing is that you start to find your voice, you start to find yourself that was lost along the way, that you start to uncover the identity that God created you to be that got stolen from you as these wounds came in, as the agreements came in with the enemy, as the vows were made to never trust anyone again or whatever that vow looked like for you. I'm never going to open up and be vulnerable.
You know, whatever those things are that seem very self-protecting, but are just a cocoon that suffocates you. Right. And so when you get these healing, you get this authenticity to yourself that, you know, you become okay with the person you see in the mirror, you know, and not ashamed. And that's what I loved about that, that bump that she talked about in the last show was I'm unashamed. I sort of forgot the point of my clip well, you were fine the real message that I got from this is that sometimes we've got to fight for that, in fact most of the time we have to fight for that healing and it takes us back to being the warrior that we created to be Sam I sort of identify with this I wanted everybody to like me and I just you know would take all kinds of abuse and still do to a large extent but at a certain point, and the point is best for me, is defending others.
And the fight is worth fighting when we have dealt with our wounds, we're in a position where we can fight. Wounded warriors happen, but you can't fight wounded for very long. Darrell Bock No, and the thing is, it's a mixture of fighting and surrendering, right? I have to surrender to the Father, right? But still fight the enemy.
He's not going to let you just sit there. He's going to try to come in and try to steal what progress you're making, you know, and realizing I still have an active enemy out there, And God's stronger and greater and has defeated that one, but he's still active in your life. And being able to stand back and say, no, I'm not going to make that agreement or I'm not going to step into this space anymore, but also in the same time surrendering to the Father. And the enemy is not the people that wounded you. It's the brokenness and the enemy using that to attack you through them.
that I was going to jump in when I, you know, for whatever reason, when I first heard talks at my first boot camps, you know, they kept giving me the poser talk. I'm like, Rob, you got something to learn here. And I gave that talk so many times. And I think part of it was because I really enjoyed the beginning of the talk was that everybody knows what a squirrel is. It's in its name.
And when you think of the label squirrel, you don't have to, you know, you see it, you know, with this little, you know, you just, you get the whole squirrel picture. It's like right there, right? Yeah, it's nuts. You know, if you know a goose, you know, they'll honk, honk, you know, and every animal has a very particular identity. And if you saw that goose trying to be a squirrel, I mean, it just, it doesn't fit, right?
and we you know begin to accept labels at very young ages of something that we are not and the enemy is right there to help you to put a label on you motor mouth right you got nothing of value to say and if you can't see it that the picture there for who do you know more than Sam has got something worthwhile to say he's an amazing teacher and so the enemy was attacking him, trying to get him to be something he wasn't by giving him a label of something he wasn't, right? And the idea of the masculine journey to some extent, one of the foundations I believe in is pushing into your true identity. Who did God make you to And how is it that you reflect his glory like no one else can? And so as you begin to unpack this wound, as you begin to get the forgiveness, as you begin to get the freedom, the freedom is to what? To be who you were supposed to be.
Not the executive with Buick Motor Division. Who cares? I don't want to be an executive. You probably don't want to be in the Navy anymore either, do you, Jim? Or maybe you do.
I don't know. But you still do a lot of cruises.
Well, at this point, I got the ships. But nonetheless, the idea is he made you to be you, and nobody can be you like you. And when you shine like that, all heaven rejoices because they don't get to see that aspect of God unless you have the freedom to walk in it.
So when we did the poser last week, we're doing this. They go together so well because when we throw out that false identity, then you're allowing the wound and the pose to keep you from being who you really are, which is the healing that's available, is the real Sam, the real Jim, which are definitely amazing people if you get to know the real one. And that you brought up the Navy as an example of I wanted to be like my father. He was a captain in the Navy in World War II.
Well, he wasn't a captain then. He was a lieutenant. But I wanted to be like my father, and that was part of it. But that was – it ended up not being me. I was too blind, too fat, and too old the three times I tried to get in.
But we are to be our own people, and until you can be authentic, you're in that pose, and you're going to get those wounds. And the thing that's really pretty cool is you walk more in your identity and you become more authentically you. The relationships you have are truly because they like you, not for who they thought you were, but for who you really are. right and you get a really deep deep in those relationships you know my relationship with my kids are much stronger because they know i know i have faults you know i mean they've walked through a lot of this at boot camps with me on my boys and things like that art i wanted to get to you did you have anything you wanted to add on the show i did not ask you anything you've been sitting over there quietly well uh well just a little you know you know sam your clip uh shut up shut up It reminds me of Andrew's clip where he said, You big dummy, you dummy, you big dummy. That was a few years ago.
Was he? I guess he was talking about wounds. I don't remember. He was. He was.
Yeah, I remember that. I liked his clip so much. It prompted me to talk a little bit in the group. I mean, in the group, not on the radio. I'd been coming here a while, but, you know, I'm quiet.
I don't talk a whole lot. It's just once in a while I think that I've come up with something that somebody might want to hear over the radio, and I talk some. But I just want to say I really appreciate, Sam, you going through this. And I might not talk about it out loud, but when you're talking about it, I can personally go through it myself. And probably a lot of the listeners out there, it's the same for them.
And we can think about our own wounds. Robby, Sam, Jim, Harold, and Harold, what a great show. Thank you for leading us through this. I'm more of a student than a teacher on this kind of subject, and I talked about that a few weeks ago, being a student.
So we come to boot camp November 23rd and 20th. 23rd, 23rd.
