1645. Pleasing Christ At Home

Welcome to The Daily Platform. Our program features sermons from chapel services at Bob Jones University in Greenville, South Carolina. Every day, students are blessed by the preaching and teaching of the Bible from the University Chapel Platform. Today on The Daily Platform, we're finishing a study series entitled, Seeking Things Above, which is a study of the book of Colossians.

Let's get started. Let's listen to today's message from chapter 3, verses 18 through 21, which tells wives to submit to their husbands, husbands to love their wives, and children to obey their parents. Today's message is titled, Pleasing Christ at Home.

Probably the biggest purchase you'll ever make in your life. And when you buy a home, you have to understand that becoming a homeowner means that there will be constant maintenance and upkeep. That is fixing and improving your home is just what homeowners should do. In many ways, this is also true when you establish a home through marriage and when you establish a family through having children. There are many of you sitting here who in the next year, you're going to enter into marriage. And then actually, there's many of you sitting here in the next couple of years will be having children. You'll be having a family. And yet to build a solid home, a solid family, it demands the constant process of improvement and maintenance.

So my message this morning is entitled Home Improvement. As we look at this passage of scripture in Colossians 3, where Paul is writing the church and essentially he's addressing the responsibilities and the roles of individuals in the family. Let's look at that this morning as we read beginning in verse 18.

Paul addresses each individual in the family. He says, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Now as we read this passage of scripture, I'd like to try to ask and answer four questions through the message this morning. The first question is this, are these commands that we just read sufficient to build a Christian family?

If you'll think about it this way, in the first generation of the church where Paul went and established local churches, there were no Christian families. How many of you grew up in a family where your parents, either one or both of your parents were Christians? Raise your hand. That's the vast percentage of you. How many of you grew up where you were educated in either a Christian school or a home school setting where you were taught the Bible or a biblical worldview and education?

Raise your hand. Okay, well if we look at the book of Colossians, nobody had that experience. So here's the question and that is this, what Paul wrote here doesn't really say much. I mean if you were to walk into a Christian bookstore and go into the section on Christian homes and families, I mean how many books would there be and how big would the books be?

So the question is, is this sufficient to build a Christian home? Secondly, does a Christian view of the family destroy the equality of the individual? In other words, when you read this, it appears like the wife and the child are put in, at least in some people's minds, a place of inferiority and even vulnerability. And then here's the third question, do these commands create a cultural conflict?

I mean let's be honest, the idea of a wife being submissive is really not that popular. The fact is if you want to make people mad, preach about what the Bible says we should be like at home and people get really, really upset. Does the definition of a biblical family, for example, conflict with those who are proponents of a non-traditional family, like such as a gay marriage or raising children in a gay family, what we hear today. So the question is, do these commands create a cultural conflict?

And then number three, who is ultimately responsible for the family? And as we look at the scriptures today, I think it becomes very clear who is responsible. Now as we look at this passage of scripture, we need to look at it through a particular lens. And that is, we need to look at it through the lens of our salvation. Because what's going on in Colossians? He's teaching believers, Christian people, how to live out their faith. He's told us to seek things that are above. He has told us to put off the old man and he's told us to put on the new man.

Why? Because we have a new identity. And our new identity touches every area of our life, especially our family. So what we see here in this passage of scripture is how a Christian family should look or should operate under the authority of Jesus Christ. You could say this is a biblical world view of the family. So Paul lays out very clear responsibilities and very clear roles.

They're very direct. So let's take them as the apostle Paul gives them. So let's look at the four individuals he speaks of and what their roles and responsibilities are. First of all, he speaks to the wives.

He says, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord. The word submit here means to subject yourself. It's the idea of a ranking. For example, when you go in the military, especially if you come in as a noncommissioned officer, you know your rank, your private or an E1. If you go into the military as an officer, you start out as a second lieutenant. Then you work your way up to a first lieutenant, to a captain, to a major, lieutenant, colonel, colonel. And then there's four different grades of generals. So you have a lieutenant general, a major general.

So they're different ranking systems. It's the idea of the word submit. It's also referring to the government where we as citizens are required to be obedient to the government. So it's very clear that Paul's approach is to address, first of all, the one who is to place themselves in a subordinate role.

So here's the question. When it says, wives, submit yourselves to your own husband, is this a denial of the equality of believers before the Lord? Are not women being lowered by this command? Does Paul not already speak about the equality of all believers? For example, Galatians 3, 28, there's neither Jew nor Greek, there's neither bond nor free, there's neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. In other words, when you read the scripture, it's very clear that there is an equality with male and female before the Lord, Colossians 3, 11, where there's neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision or uncircumcision, barbarian, Scythian, bond or free, but Christ is all and he is in all. So it is very clear that Paul places no distinction between men and women in their relationship with God, they're all equally one.

So why would he say to the wife, submit yourself to your own husband? Well, it's all about function. And when we talk about function, I want to say three things. Number one, God has established functional orders. And how do we know that? Because we have the example of the Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. We all believe that there is one God who manifests himself in three persons, and those three persons are co-equal. The Father is equal to the Son, the Son to the Spirit, and the Spirit to the Father and the Son. However, we also know that within the Trinity, there is a functional order where one person in the Trinity submits himself to another person in the Trinity in order to accomplish God's purposes.

For example, it's very clear that Jesus is equal to the Father. He said it, I and my Father are one. But we know that when Jesus came into the world, he said that he came to submit himself to his Father's will.

He said, I can do nothing of myself. I do what my Father wants me to do. And Jesus submitted to his Father in the fulfillment of the plan of redemption. Likewise, the Holy Spirit functions in submission to the Father's sovereign will, in working in the hearts of those whom the Father has chosen to be heirs of salvation.

So when we look in the Bible, we see the Trinity is equal, but there's also a submission, and this submission has functional purposes. Likewise, we see it is true in the family. Listen to 1 Corinthians 11 3, but I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. In order for the family to function, there's a divine flow chart, an order of responsibility and accountability. The duties of the subordinate are always placed first.

Why? Why first and not husband? The Bible doesn't really tell us exactly why, but let me make a suggestion, and that is when there's no submission, in other words, when there's rebellion, everything falls apart. So it really takes the one who's to be submissive to be functioning before God in order for things to work. So there is equality, but submission in order for the family to function. Then there's a second thing I want to say, and that is this submission is always voluntary. You see, the word submit here is written in what we call the present middle, and what that means is it's a voluntary submission. And that's in contrast to children, who it says, children obey, that's in the present active, and that means it's not an option. So when a woman comes to get married to a man, she is coming with a sense of a willingness, a voluntary submission.

In other words, she doesn't come kicking and screaming, but rather joyfully and willingly submissive to him. I mean, we're in the season of engagement. Some of you got engaged over the weekend, I know, I have Instagram. And, you know, I never see a girl get engaged and get a ring on her finger, and she walks around thinking, good night.

I got to submit myself to this jerk the rest of my life. I mean, that's not what's going on. There's a joyfulness, there's a happiness, and understanding what's going on in your life. And so here's what Paul is saying. He is saying that both the husband and the wife have mutual responsibilities. It's not superior and inferior.

They're both equal. The husband has commands to obey, just like the wife has commands to obey. So this is a voluntary submission. And then one other thing I want to say about this, and that is this submission is ultimately to the Lord. It says here, this is fitting.

This is proper. This is the Lord's will. But I also want to say that it is clear that the wife's submission will never require her to disobey God by obeying her husband. That's not fitting in the Lord. I can tell you after 40 years of marriage to my dear precious wife, if I told her to do something that was against the Lord, she would say to me, go jump in a lake.

I can tell you that. I firmly believe that because we are both to be submissive to the Lord. So first of all, it speaks to the wife. And notice, secondly, the husband. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them.

That's very interesting. The two commands here. Number one, it says to love your wives. Well, this was actually an odd command in Paul's day because in Paul's day, in ancient times, it was widespread, believed among the Greeks and the Jews that wives were to submit.

But there was no code in the ancient world requiring the husbands to love their wives. Biblical Christianity exemplifies how to live our life in our relationship with Jesus. And Jesus is the head of the church and we are his body.

He is the bridegroom and we are the bride. And why do we want to follow him? Because we know he loves us and nothing shall separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus. And so love in the Bible is the atmosphere, the attitude and the action that the husband is to show towards his wife. It is a self giving love modeled by Jesus. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. And after 40 years of marriage, I can say this, that verse comes back to me over and over and over because it requires of me as a man to do something that is not natural and that is to think about somebody else.

Ladies, if you have not figured it out, men like themselves. And so for them to invest their lives in serving and loving you, this is what Christianity is all about. So the husband is to love the wife, to meet her needs and to show her the greatest respect. But there's a second command and it says, be not bitter or angry or harsh with them. Don't become, if you could say it this way, soured towards your wife. Don't become mean towards your wife. So the question would be, what would cause a husband to become sour in his relationship with his wife?

And basically it comes down to this. And that is, if I could say it this way, a woman's greatest fear towards her husband is that he would abandon her. He would leave her.

And abandonment is not divorce or leaving for another woman. It could be simple as the job becomes more important than her. Because I can tell you this, when you start dating and you get engaged, that girl is all important to that guy.

How do I know that? Because he thinks about her all the time. He buys her roses.

He does this. You guys, your engagements to me are kind of interesting because I'm definitely from a different generation. You guys talk about getting engaged like for four or five months, knowing it's going to happen. You've already planned out your marriage and you haven't got engaged yet. And the whole idea is to surprise you.

Well, how can you be surprised? You know it's going to happen, but it's all about the moment, okay? I get that.

My generation was just different. We didn't talk about marriage. We just asked and got married.

I mean it was a little simpler, not as complicated. But what happens is when you date each other, when you get engaged, you're focused on one another because you like each other. I'm not saying you don't love each other, but you like each other. You like each other like you like hamburgers and hot dogs and cotton candy and football.

I mean you like each other. But after you get married, you discover things about each other you don't like. And it doesn't take very long in marriage to find out there are things about each other you don't like at all.

And the fact is what you find out about them is that's been their habit all their life and now you've got to live with this. And oftentimes, men begin to put their attention in other things, their job, their sports. And that becomes their focal point and the woman begins to feel abandoned.

And what does she do? She begins to, if I could say, nag him because he's not paying attention to her. And so what's the response of the husband? The husband's greatest fear in marriage is that his wife will embarrass him.

It's an embarrassment issue. The man becomes disappointed. He has expectations that his wife does not live up to.

His ideals, his hopes, his ambitions. And it could be a lot of things. It could be physical. It could be mental. It could be emotional. It could be financial.

It could be relational and how easy it is for the closest and most dearest relationship in your life to be destroyed over your disappointments. Every time a man points his finger at his wife to show things he doesn't like about her, he has to remember he has three fingers pointing back at himself. It took me 10 years in marriage to realize that my wife is really a mirror reflecting what it is that needs to change in my life. One of the things you learn about marriage is you can't change each other.

That's called manipulation. You have to serve each other. You have to love each other. And that's what the husband's to do. You don't win your wife by controlling her. You win your wife by serving her. And so, husbands, if you find yourself being angry or upset, you are the problem, sir.

And therefore, you are to love her. And that leads to the third command and that's to children. Notice it says, children, obey your parents in all things for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Now, it's interesting to me that children are addressed as actually responsible people.

You wouldn't think that. I mean, they're children, they're kids, and yet the Lord speaks to you as a child, as a young person. And the responsibility here is that the child is to obey his parents. By the way, the word obey there means to listen. It comes out of the book of Deuteronomy chapter 6 and verse 4. We call it the Shema, which means to listen.

Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God is one Lord. And the idea of listening is not separate from obey. Listening and obeying are synonymous terms.

It is an eager ear that listens with the intent to obey right away. And it appears that Paul is addressing here children who are living at home under the protection and the care and the provision of their parents and they are obligated to obey. Obey what? It says that you are to obey in everything. That's like what you wear, where you go, where you can't go, your time, your schedule, your cell phone, who your friends are, what you watch on television, what music you listen to. When the Bible says to obey your parents in all things, the word all means all. Fact is in the book of Colossians, the word all is like mentioned over and over and over like we have all sufficiency in Jesus Christ.

It's everything. A child is to be submissive to his parents. That's the appropriate behavior in the Christian community. And one of the great problems that we're facing today, especially even here at Bob Jones, is some of you have come here and you've grown up in an atmosphere where actually you didn't obey your parents. You were dishonest. You were deceitful.

You did things behind your back and you're not going to walk on the campus of Bob Jones and suddenly zap. You're obedient. And the problem actually is not us. The problem is you. You are the problem.

Why? Because you never really learn to be obedient. When I got saved at 19 years old, God took me to the woodshed and dealt with me about some things in my life. And one of them was my disobedience towards my dad. As I began to read the scripture, even verses like this, children obey your parents in the Lord. I began to realize that I had a lot of disobedience towards my dad. I realized I had bad attitudes to my dad. And I went back to my father and I asked his forgiveness. I submitted myself to his authority at 19 years old.

And from that moment to the day that my dad passed away in 1997, from that point forward, we had an amazing, wonderful relationship. Some of you have problems with your parents and the problem is you are not obeying God's commands. You say, well, OK, I get it, but I'm in college now. I understand that. And there's an ongoing different relationship and you have to really move from one point from obedience to honor.

But really, you need to start with your own heart. And that is, have you really honored your parents? Have you really sought to obey them? And the motivation behind this is that this is acceptable behavior to the Lord. If you believe that you are obeying Jesus Christ and walking in disobedience to your parents, you're living in deception.

This is what Paul says. Children obey. And then finally, notice what he says to fathers. Fathers provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. The command here is directed to the father as the one who is primarily responsible for the motivation of children.

Here's what he is saying. Don't so irritate or provoke your children that they lose their passion to please you. I believe God has put it in the heart of children to naturally want to please their parents, especially the father. I remember when I would come home from work and my two little girls, Rebecca and Rachel, would meet me at the front door. And I could hear their scampering feet in the house as my wife would say, Daddy's home, Daddy's home. And I would open the front door and my two little girls would meet me there and go, Daddy's home! And you know what they wanted me to do? Come, Daddy, let me show you what I did today. Now, do you think I wanted to go see what they did?

The answer is no. But I would go into their bedroom, I'd go in the living room and they showed me what they did all day long. And I'd go, sweetheart, you are so smart.

This is so cool. Okay, those two little girls today are 38 and 36 years old. They don't meet me at the front door and scream, Daddy's home.

But listen to me very carefully. They want the same approval and the same love and the same motivation today as they got when they were little girls. I'm so thankful for my father who many times told me that he was proud of me. One week before he died, my dad turned to me and he just said, Son, I just want you to know how proud I am of you. And I want you to know what that meant to me because it still touches my heart today.

And my dad's been gone a long time. And what he's saying is, fathers, don't be absent. Don't be abusive.

Don't be apathetic. But understand God has given you one of the greatest privileges and that is to motivate your children in life to be able to go out and serve and become successful and become useful. And these are the commands that Paul gave to the Church of Colossae and these are the commands that he gives to us today. May God help us to raise families that love the Lord and are faithful to God. Father, thank you for your word and thank you. Help us to, Lord, love you and raise our families to serve you. In Jesus' name. Amen. For more information about our more than 100 accredited undergraduate and graduate programs, visit bju.edu or call 800-252-6363. Thanks for listening and join us again next week as we study God's Word together on The Daily Platform.