1123. Adultery: It’s About More than Just Sex – Seventh Commandment

Welcome to The Daily Platform from Bob Jones University in Greenville, South Carolina. Today on The Daily Platform, we're continuing a study series entitled, Oh, How I Love Thy Law, which is a study of the Ten Commandments. Today's message will be preached by Dr. Greg Mazak, Director of Biblical Counseling at Bob Jones University.

I want to be very simple this morning. I have a number of questions to ask. This might seem overly simplistic. But I want to begin with, is adultery wrong? Well, let's just make sure we're using words, okay, properly. Any kind of sexual sin is what we would call immorality. Adultery is a specific kind of immorality. It involves immorality that would violate a marriage covenant. So two people being immoral are immoral, but if one of them would be married, then that would go into a more specific category of adultery. And people would say, well, is adultery wrong? Well, we're having this series on the Ten Commandments just to reinforce that basic truth. Exodus 20, 14, thou shalt not commit adultery. Deuteronomy 5, 18, neither shalt thou commit adultery. That might seem simple, but our culture laughs at this.

Our culture mocks this. There are currently being published in our country greeting cards that are designed for people that commit adultery. Listen, this is on the card.

I'll read it. Just when I thought I would never find my true love, you came along. My soul has been searching for you since I came into this world. All of my life had this emptiness inside like a part of me was missing.

I was incomplete. And now I can't imagine my life without you, even if I have to share you. That's a card you send to the woman you're committing adultery with. Or to be more specific, guys don't send cards. That's a card that a woman sends to a guy that she's committing adultery with. There's a word for that card specifically is called My Lover.

And it's part of 24 cards that are published that are part of a group called The Secret Lover Collection. That's where our culture is. Many people would have no idea that adultery is actually wrong. And yet the Bible makes it clear that adultery is wrong.

Let me ask a second question. Maybe you're thinking, come on, Greg, is adultery really wrong? I mean, not like just wrong, but is it really wrong?

Well, maybe one more verse would help. Leviticus 20 in verse 10 out of the ESV says, If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulterer shall surely be put to death. I mean, that's the teaching of the Scripture.

And yet I want to ask a third question because I think it's a question that a lot of people ask today. Is adultery always wrong? You know, many people today would say, I know it's wrong to be a sexual predator. I know it's wrong to take advantage of somebody who's defenseless or in a vulnerable position. I know it's wrong to use power in a way that's wrong.

And we've had so many things in the news recently, whether it's in the entertainment field or in the sports field, or in politics, of very powerful people pushing themselves on the less powerful. And we all know that's wrong. But what if somebody freely chooses to engage in a sexual relationship outside of marriage, even while married? I mean, and they want to.

There's no pressure. Nobody's hurting them that they would understand, at least. Would that be wrong? I mean, we're sexual people. We have sexual desires.

Wouldn't that be natural, biologically normal? That's how people tend to think today. But the Bible answers that. I read from 1 Corinthians chapter 6, verse 13. Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy both one and the other. Yet the body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord and the Lord for the body.

Most people think Paul is quoting what the Corinthians were saying. Food is for the stomach, and the stomach is for food. The body is for sex, and sex is for the body. And we enjoy eating, it's a good thing.

And we enjoy sex, it's a good thing. So why get all hung up about the area of morality? And Paul says, no, that's not the way it is.

He continues in 1 Corinthians chapter 6. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sinner person commits his outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own. You were bought with the price, so glorify God in your body. See, once I put faith in Jesus Christ, I no longer own myself.

I yield myself, and Christ is now my master, and it's not my body anymore. And the whole idea of, well, you know, just engaging in sex anytime you want with whomever you want would not be what the one who owns me desires that I do. Years ago, I used to teach adolescent psychology, and in every psych book I've ever seen, there's a chapter on the sexual activity of adolescents. They obviously, a secular textbook, aren't going to use the word immorality. But being at a Christian school and having a desire to try to encourage my brothers and sisters, of course we would always talk about sexuality from a moral perspective, from a biblical worldview.

I remember once I was talking to the class, and there was a guy in the back, and he was all bent out of shape, I could just tell that he looked like a balloon about to pop, and suddenly he stood up in class and said, Mazak, really? And I said, really what? He said, I am so tired of all of you preachers talking about, like, God hates sex.

And I think that's a lot of times the question people have. That was his question. I mean, I was talking about morality, what he was hearing is, oh, so God hates sex. So if you're a Christian, just get used to thinking everybody else will have fun and engage in sex, and God obviously hates that.

And I listened to him, I let him say what he wanted to say, I invited him to sit down, and I just said something like, if that's what you're hearing me say, I'm not a very good communicator. God doesn't hate sex, God is not anti-sex. That's not one of the Ten Commandments, thou shalt not have sex. But God is against a certain type of sex that is called adultery. Remember, God's not against sex, he's the one who created it. And if he didn't want us to enjoy it, he wouldn't have created it and given it to us as a gift. So to be more specific, we need to ask the question, why is God anti-adultery? And there's a reason.

You see, I've been here a long time and I listen to many questions from the students that I have and I'm very thankful for their input. And I realize that one of the temptations we all struggle with is God is against. God is against this, God is against that, so once you become a Christian, you get to go to Heaven.

But life in this world, maybe is a little bit of a bummer, because there's all of these really awesome things, but I'm not supposed to do them because I'm a Christian. And that is not a Biblical viewpoint at all. So here's my question, why is God against adultery?

A number of reasons, number one, because he's for things. God is pro-joy. If you want to open up to Proverbs 5, I want to go through almost the whole chapter, and we're going to have to go very quickly because of time, or I'll put it on the screen if you want to just look up. God wants you to experience joy in your life.

God wants you to have the joy that you want to have. And I can show you that in a sexual context in Proverbs 5, beginning in verse 1. My son, be attentive to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding, that you may keep discretion and your lips may guard knowledge. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil. And yes, you will find in life a person like this, who knows how to say just the right things.

You're so wonderful, you're so lovely, your husband is a blessed man to be married to a woman like you. And many people are good at that, in fact they practice that. And Proverbs 5 talks about a woman like that. But verse 4 goes on, in the end she's as bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword, her feet go down to death, her steps follow the path to Sheol, that's the grave.

She does not ponder the path of life, her ways wander, she does not know it, she's a mentally unstable person. And now, O sons, listen to me. Do not depart from the words of my mouth, keep your way far from her, do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless. There are all kinds of ramifications of being involved in adultery, we don't have time to be specific there. Verse 10, lest strangers take the fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner, and at the end of your life you groan when your flesh and body are consumed. And you say, how I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof. I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors, I'm at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation. This is absolutely horrible, why did I ever commit adultery? And I've talked to people like that, I've talked to students like that who have gone out and committed adultery, and come into my office broken and hurt and grieving, and they're struggling with why. And the author of Proverbs, Solomon, is saying, I want to help you. I want to help you have real joy in your life.

Now some of you might be thinking, okay Greg, so this is kind of like stay away from illicit sex and I got you, I'm still not seeing a whole lot of emphasis on joy. Well before we get there, let me go to Proverbs 6 real quick, verses 27 through 29. Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? No. Can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched?

No. So is he who goes into his neighbor's wife, none who touches her will go unpunished. That's Proverbs 6, you'll find it again in Proverbs 7. Let not your heart turn aside to her ways, and do not stray into her paths. For many a victim has she laid low, and all are slain her like a mighty throng.

Her house is the way to Sheol, going down to the chambers of death. There are all of these warnings, and the reason they're here is because God is pro-joy. And you might be thinking, but I'm not seeing a good emphasis on sex.

Let me make a second point. God is pro-sex. Let's stay in the same chapter of Proverbs chapter 5.

And here's what we'll read, beginning in verse 15. Drink water from your own cistern. Flowing water from your own well.

And you're saying, what's that about? It's about having sex with your wife. Your wife is your cistern, your wife is your well.

Ladies, let me explain, okay? Because you're thinking, oh, I'm a well. That doesn't sound very encouraging. Can I remind you, in a desert climate, people fought wars over wells? Where you planted a city was based on water. If you survive or die was based on accessing water.

So this is not a demeaning thing, but this is what the scripture says. To a married couple, drink water from your own cistern. Flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets?

No. Your wife shouldn't be going out, I speak from a man's perspective, and having sex with other people. Because she's enjoying it at home, and you're enjoying it with her.

Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. You say, how do you know that's talking about a woman? Well, the wife, I think it's even more clear in verse 18. Let your fountain be blessed, synonymous parallelism, and rejoice in the wife of your youth.

Who is your fountain? She's your wife. As a lovely deer, a graceful doe, let her breasts fill you at all times with delight. Be intoxicated always in her love. Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman, and embrace the bosom of an adulterous?

Why? Why would you go out and have sex with the person you don't even know, because it can't hold a candle to the enjoyment of having sex with your spouse? God's goal for all of our marriages is that they would include great sex. And that's what happens within a marriage, when people are committed to Christ, and they realize what they're doing is more than just a physical activity. It's the idea that going outside of marriage is not interesting.

Why would I do that? There was a well-known, I won't use his name, but a well-known actor who chose not to live in the L.A. area where all the really big stars lived. And people noticed that he was one of the few guys who actually seemed to be moral. And he wasn't going out with younger women all the time. And once he was interviewed, and they actually said to him, everybody else we know, if he's successful, is with multiple younger beautiful women, you seem faithful to your wife.

Why? And I hope this doesn't sound crude, but I think this captures the essence of the Proverb. He said, why go out for a hamburger when you have steak at home? What he was saying is, I enjoy being physically with my wife more than anybody else I know. It's not like a hard thing not to commit adultery. I actually like better what I have. That is what the Bible says a biblical marriage should look like.

Why? Because God is pro-joy, and God is pro-sex, and God is pro-marriage. See, it's not that God's against you enjoying your life. God wants you to have the joy that the rest of the world is looking for, but they're never finding.

And he wants you to find that true joy, and even sexual joy, within a marriage. Genesis chapter 2 verses 24 and 25, You know, sometimes people say, what do you think Adam and Eve were doing in the garden? You know, I don't know what they were doing all the time, but I know what they were doing some of the time. They were enjoying life. They were enjoying each other physically. And I don't mean to be inappropriate, here we are in a religious setting looking at the Scripture. They were enjoying sex, and they were having great sex the way God meant it to be. In a way that truly brings joy, because it's in the context of love between a husband and a wife.

See, they weren't using people the way people today use one another. Hebrews 13, 4 says, There again is the Scripture saying the marriage bed. That's a reference to intercourse.

That should be undefiled. It's a beautiful thing, but God will judge the sexually immoral and the adulterous. God is pro-joy. God is pro-sex. God is pro-marriage. God is pro-love.

What is a biblical view of sex within marriage? It's about love. It's not about hurting people. It's not about using people.

It's about expressing love to your one partner in life, your husband, your wife, your spouse, in a way that both completely find wonderful and enjoyable. That's not how the world does it. The world uses people because they don't understand what 1 Corinthians 13, 5, and 6 say about love. Love does not act unbecomingly.

It does not seek its own. Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. You know, if you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend that's pushing you for sex, I realize that's a common struggle, and I get that, but can I just let you know that person doesn't love you? And it doesn't always go this way.

Sometimes it's a guy pushing, but oftentimes it's a girl pushing. And why would your boyfriend or girlfriend push you for sex? Number one, they don't love you. Number two, they care about themselves more than you. They're not looking at you thinking, I care deeply about you.

I want to have sex with you. They're thinking, I don't mind using you and abusing you because I love feeling good, and I'm willing to use you to make myself feel good. And that's why they want to be immoral with you.

If you really think deeply about it, it's almost like going to see a prostitute, except it's a lot safer, and you don't have to worry about it being a reverse sting, and hopefully less chance of disease. But at the heart of it, it's really the same thing. That's not love. You see, some of you have boyfriends and girlfriends that you truly love, and you're sexually attracted to them. And even though you're sexually attracted to them because you love them, you say, I would never hurt you. I would never poison your food. I would never punch you in the face, and I would never push you for sex because that will hurt you, and I love you. And even though I have the temptation to want to do this, I will fight hard, by God's grace, because I don't want to use you. You don't use people you care about.

That's love. 1 Thessalonians 4 talks about using people. This is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who don't know God.

Let's keep going. That no one, notice here, transgressed and wronged his brother in this matter, because the Lord's an avenger in all these things, as we've told you beforehand and sovereignly warned you, solemnly warned you, for God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore, whoever disregards this disregards not man, but God who gave his Holy Spirit to us.

I'm sorry you're going so fast, but look at that first line. It says that no one transgressed and wronged his brother. When a person has a sexual relationship outside of marriage, they are wronging the person they're having sex with. And if they're married, they're wronging their spouse, and they're wronging the other person's spouse.

I'm going to go farther. They're wronging the children, both your children and the children of the other spouse. And every pastor I know has had to deal with some of the things that I've had to deal with. I know what it's like to walk in the middle of a day into a home where there's a woman, and I walk into the home with her husband, who should be at work, but he's not, because he's just been released from his job because he's been sexually immoral. And now I'm the one walking into the house, and as soon as she sees us, she's already crying, and we haven't said a word. And then this faithful Christian wife has to listen to her husband say, I've committed adultery, and I don't have a job in this ministry anymore. And then to watch her. To watch her say, really, you throw away our marriage, you throw away our lives, you hurt the children just because you couldn't control your sexual appetites.

That's what you think of me. And you sit there, and it's all you can do not to weep for the pain of that wife. And no, it's not always that way, because I hate to say it, but as a pastor, I've been involved in it the other way, where I have to help a woman explain to her husband, and it's horrible. And then there's the children, who their whole lives they've looked up to mom and dad as being role models, the mom and dad that had Bible time with them, and took them to church, and took them to Vacation Bible School, and taught them about Jesus. And now they're sitting here and saying, do you believe any of that?

I mean, you're the ones I always thought I could count on. And now I find out you could not even keep your promise that you made before God. And people are hurt, and families are ripped apart, that no one transgresses and wrong his brother in this matter. But why is God against that?

Not because He's against you. It's because He's pro-joy, He's pro-sex, He's pro-marriage, He's pro-love. And one last one, He's pro-gospel.

You know that. Ephesians 5, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water of the word. Every husband is supposed to love his wife in such a way that it would be a picture of the way Christ loves us, and it has a sanctifying effect in her life, so that he, Christ, might present the church to Himself and splendor it without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. And thus, what's supposed to be happening is because we have lives that are characterized by fidelity and faithfulness, and we're living lives that embrace joy, sex, marriage, love.

It's a picture of the Gospel. And one of my burdens this morning, there's so many things we could talk about, but one of my burdens is that you would maybe just think a little bit about God's not against you, God's not against joy, and God's not against sex. God, if it's in His plan for you to get married, wants you to have a joy-filled, sexually-fulfilling, wonderful life, and that'll never happen if you do that outside of marriage.

But within marriage, it's a wonderful gift from God. I have the joy of preaching at marriage conferences now and then. I was at one recently with my wife, and there was another couple, probably our age, and they walked up to us and the woman said to me, hey Greg, thanks for your teaching, and I said, yeah, that's an appropriate thing to say, I thanked her. And she said, thanks for teaching about sex. And I was thinking, I blushed a little bit, I'm like, boy, I'm so glad my wife is here with me. And she said, no, I'm serious. She said, I go to marriage retreats and no one talks about sex, and I don't understand that.

I realize my pastor can't talk openly about it because in a Sunday session, you just can't. So I come to a conference on marriage and I hear all these speakers and no one's talking about sex. And I'm always thinking, why aren't they talking about sex? She says, I'm happily married. Her husband was with her, my wife was with me. She says, I enjoy sex. I like sex. And I wish more people like you would help us to understand that that's a good thing, and that's what God wants for us. And she was sitting there telling me this, and I have to admit, I was blushing a little bit. Her husband was smiling.

And here's this, that should not be unusual. That's what God wants you to have. God is not against you. He's pro-joy. He's pro-sex. He's pro-marriage. He's pro-love. He's pro-gospel.

Here's our conclusion. Our faithful God is for us, and He calls us to live faithful lives. Now, two things as we close. Number one, abstaining from sexual adultery. But secondly, abstaining from spiritual adultery. I was concerned as I closed this message that you might leave thinking, okay, more than anything, God wants me not to commit adultery.

Well, that's not accurate. God wants our hearts. Yes, if He has our heart, then by God's grace we won't commit physical adultery, but God wants us to abstain from spiritual adultery.

You say, what do you mean? James chapter four, I read verse four and five, adulterers and adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think the scripture says in vain, now here comes a quote, and this is in the New King James, and it may be a little different than your other translations.

The spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously. And those of you taking Greek can have a lot of fun studying out this text. Grammatically, the end of verse five can actually be translated in a number of different ways. And it's the context that has to drive us to a conclusion. I believe the New King James made the right conclusion.

Let me read it again. The spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously. When you put your faith in Christ, the Holy Spirit came and indwelt you. And God is jealous for you. God is jealous that you would love Him more than anything or anyone else. God is jealous for your love. That's what James chapter four verses four through five means.

That's why He begins with adulterers and adulteresses. James is not talking about people that are engaged in extramarital sex. James is talking about people that are chasing other gods rather than the one true God, whether that's money or whatever else a person thinks would bring them pleasure. The Holy Spirit lives within us, and He's jealous. He is jealous, as any spouse would have the right to be jealous. If I were to ever see somebody, as we would say, hitting on my wife, I would be jealous.

I would be like, leave her alone, it's my wife. And when the Holy Spirit sees us hitting on other gods and living for whatever, money or the approval of man or whatever the case might be, pleasure, the Holy Spirit is actually jealous within us and saying, come on, why are you hitting on other gods? I'm your God, at least I want to be your God. And that's what God wants. God wants us to do more than abstain from sexual adultery. He wants us to be pure spiritually as well. By God's grace, may that be so in all of our lives, that we would understand the seventh commandment about adultery.

It's about sex, but it's about much more than sex. It's about living out a faithful life. By God's grace, may it be so. Father, we pray that you would help us. We pray that you would give us grace. We pray that you would give us understanding. And we pray that you would help us to find the true joy, the true happiness, that you would help us to find the true peace that we all desire in the only place that will ever be found, which is in a relationship with you. And we'll thank you in Christ's name, we pray. Amen.