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TEENS AND MENTAL HEALTH, EP 108, Audio version

The Cure / Aimee Cabo
The Truth Network Radio
October 4, 2020 8:08 pm

TEENS AND MENTAL HEALTH, EP 108, Audio version

The Cure / Aimee Cabo

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October 4, 2020 8:08 pm


Discussing teenagers and how families deal with the hardships during the pandemic on the latest episode of The Cure, where host Aimee Cabo and psychotherapist Dillon Welliver review how to help our teenagers.


Dillon says: "In the process of therapy, we will bridge the gap between that authentic and beautiful self you have always been, and the one who is so much pain today." Dillon Welliver is a licensed mental health counselor, graduated Masters in Clinical Psychology from The University of Central Florida.


The Cure Radio™ live talk syndicated radio show and live-streamed podcast is hosted by Aimee Cabo and offers a platform of hope to anyone who has experienced or is currently experiencing domestic violence, abuse, trauma, mental health, or other challenges that affect your life. It's a place to find comfort, knowledge, strategies, answers, hope, and love, and so much more, all while you are healing your wounds and knowing that you are loved and not alone.


Join Aimee and her professional guests live on The Cure with Aimee Cabo Video Podcast  every Saturday at 1 PM EST recorded during the live radio show. The radio show is streaming through satellite on more than 130 radio stations in the USA and available internationally and then on Sirius XM Channel 131 on Sunday at 5 pm ET.

Please listen and subscribe to the show and then share the show with others. Enjoy weekly contests, knowledgeable guests, and a few laughs.


It's then available after as an Audio Podcast heard on most podcast platforms.

You can find information about the show and past guests bios by visiting the RADIO SHOW PAGE.

Aimee hopes that anyone who has suffered abuse of any kind, have experienced any traumas or walked a moment in similar shoes, will find inspiration in these pages, and hope that love and truth will ultimately prevail. Please subscribe and share this podcast.

Please check our app The Cure with Aimee Cabo in Apple Store, The Cure App and now available on Android_ The Cure App


Aimee Cabo Nikolov is a Cuban American who has lived most of her life in Miami. After many years of healing, finding love, raising a family and evolving her relationship with God, Aimee's true grit and courage led her to pen an honest, thought-provoking memoir. Years of abuse became overshadowed with years of happiness and unconditional love. Now Aimee is the president of IMIC Research, a medical research company, a transformational speaker, syndicated radio host and focused on helping others. You can read more about Aimee by visiting her website.
Dr. Boris Nikolov is the CEO of Neuroscience Clinic. You can read more about Dr. Nikolov and the work he is doing by visiting his website.


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Please check our app The Cure with Aimee Cabo in apple store and now available on android.

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Hi guys, we're getting ready to start the radio show. So please do tune in. Come, come in.

It's gonna be interesting. You're funny. One of our favorite subjects, teenagers. And of course, Boris loves to say hi. He's such a friendly guy.

You always say that. Hi. What else do I need to say? I'm a friendly guy. It rhymes.

Why not? I'm the friendly guy. Back to him. OK, so what are we going to say again? Any minute now, guys.

Today it's a little bit gloomy, but it's not so rainy. So it looks like we'll do well. Yes, we will.

And the topic is interesting, teenagers. So whoever wants to leave a question on social media or call us on 800 number that we're going to announce, just give us a call and ask your question. That'll be great. Plus, we're going to have a very interesting guest, Dylan, who is a psychotherapist. And maybe we're going to ask him what's the difference between psychotherapists and psychologists. OK, good. Isn't it like the same thing?

They both help people. Good enough for me. Yep. Maybe your song is going to start right now. Who's psychic this time? Right now? One, two, three.

I'm not psychic. Any minute now. Any second now. Isn't it at 105? 20 seconds depends on that delay.

The issue is that we go with 40 seconds delay in case of one of those curses. When you're high on emotion and you're losing your focus and you feel too exhausted to pray, don't get lost in the moment or give up when you're close. It's all you need is somebody to say it's OK not to be OK. It's OK not to be OK. The Cure with Amy Cabo.

Life can bring many difficult situations, domestic violence, addictions, poverty and even sexual abuse by your loved ones. Welcome, Amy Cabo and The Cure. Good afternoon and welcome to The Cure radio show. I'm your host, Amy Cabo, with my partner, Boris, who's amazing.

He just deleted the word. Our show is available live on your radio. Also on our app, The Cure, on any smartphone and our Web site, God is a cure dot com, as well as live streaming on social media all over the world.

But for now, we're broadcasting live from Miami through satellite available in 35 radio stations among 11 states. And soon after the show on any podcast player, as well as next Sunday on Sirius XM Channel 131, The Family Talk Channel. This show deals with suffering, the tenacity of the human spirit, the will to survive and the courage to keep moving forward. Despite any obstacle, with the help of God who enables us to help each other, we provide testimonials to let people know that we are not alone, as well as experts and expert inspirational speakers who can help.

In this show, the testimony started with me having been a survivor of child abuse. While into young adulthood, I do believe we all suffer somehow. But with the help of God, we can be a source of healing for each other. For me, God was the only cure. But other forms of healing are presented as well to service everyone. Life is challenging, but there's always hope when someone cares.

At least God does. First, I want to take a moment to say that our thoughts and in our prayers is the President, the First Lady and all those affected by COVID-19. We pray you feel surrounded with much love, moments of peace and comfort as we hold you close in our thoughts, wishing you well and trusting that God will bring about a full speedy recovery and God's speed to the medical team, which we are extremely grateful for. They are simply heroes.

The song we played earlier was It's Okay Not To Be Okay by Marshmello and Demi Lovato. And here's my take using the same section. We can feel as if we're barely noticed. One of the many carrying on the role we all learn to play. We can try to blend in and ignore sad emotions, thinking it's all in our heads, keeping it in. It's like being trapped in our skin.

Just getting by is not enough. Once we break down, emotions run high. But don't give in to the moment. Don't lose your true focus.

Still pray. That is when we are closest to finding our way, when we know we need help. And it's OK not to be OK. Today, we will discuss mental health and teenagers, a topic really needed by so many parents. And the person that can help us with that is Dylan Welliver. Dylan is a psychotherapist for 15 years, helping hurting people with various mental health conditions, adolescents and families, co-parenting. Dylan graduated from the University of Central Florida with master's in clinical psychology and holds various mental health certifications. Dylan, welcome to the Cure. You're now live. Hi, Amy.

Wonderful to be here. We are in the coronavirus pandemic, which is now taking many lives. But as we all have been dealing with another pandemic for many years, there is one death by suicide among teenagers in the U.S. every 12 minutes.

Due to depression and now maybe more due to the close outs. How can we prevent that and how can we recognize it? Wow. Those are big questions. And this is something, you know, youth suicide that is studied and is sort of argued about. I mean, prevention goes to this community based effort. It's learning to understand we're all kind of collectively in there. It's recognizing signs and symptoms, better access to mental health.

It is help with families. I mean, teens are immune to the chaos and the stress and the noise that's going on around us right now. And so I think, you know, communication, education with parents and really access to mental health is really where it needs to start, involving the schools, involving the communities, involving the government and involving each other.

Yes. And it could be a very difficult thing to deal with because teenagers emotions run high. And what I wanted to ask you is, does a teenager have to have a predisposition for suicidal ideation or is this could this happen to any teenager given certain circumstances? Well, everyone at some point in their life, nearly everyone thinks about death. Nearly everyone has these moments when we feel like, oh my goodness, life would just be easier if I wasn't here. You know, and we call that rumination. Rumination really without the intent to act on it.

And so we all kind of experience that. But we do know one thing about teen suicide in particular is adolescents, they're impulsive. And adolescents typically don't plan their suicides out.

They have the idea pops in their head and then within 45 minutes they've made the act, we found. So, yeah, we can look at there's predispositions and mental health and substance abuse and family conflict. A lot of times we don't know that's going on. You know, oftentimes there's a youth suicide and stuff was buried.

Stuff wasn't on the surface. And it's shocking, but there always are indicators when we begin to dig into that. So one thing I always say to parents is particularly adolescents, middle school, high school, it's a war zone. We don't really know what our kids' lives are like. That's like a message I tell parents a lot.

You really don't know their inner world, what's going on. And that's natural and normal. That's age-appropriate for this sort of period in life.

But, yeah, I think that answers the question a little bit, right? Yeah, absolutely. What about warning signs? Do you think that the parents can see some warning signs that make them feel more alert to something?

Absolutely. So changes in mood, changes, you know, so addition to anxiety, depression, big changes in the social group or drama or conflict going on in the social group, you know, the drug use, sudden changes in a kid's behavior that seem out of the ordinary. A lot of times there's certain indicators like if a kid gets in big trouble, you know, they get caught with the police or something happens where they think they're in big trouble. Oftentimes that's a big trigger for a kid, maybe that might have been doing well before, to act on suicide. So there are lots of indicators, and it really requires being kind of tuned in and keyed in to our kids, which that's the challenge for parents is they want to push them away.

It's natural, it's normal. And the way you interact with a 10-year-old is different than with a 12-year-old and a 13-year-old. So really being engaged, attention, having your kids in your attention space more often is one way. I mean, you think that they find their friends more important, but even at this age they do need their parents. You know, a lot of parents may not know that because I just recently learned this. I thought if she found her parents more important, then what do I play?

What role do I play? But no, they still need a lot of guidance. And it's very important because if you're talking about social media and drama, every teenager is at risk.

So it's important to keep the lines of communication, but most importantly to let them know that you're forgiving, that you're willing to be forgiving, and you'll love them no matter what, and you'll accept them no matter what so they don't feel like there's no out. Absolutely. Go ahead.

No, you go ahead. So you make a good point that in the kids' inner lives, what's kind of on their conscious mind is their friends and their peers. That's what they think is important to them. But the parents are like the son.

You don't pay attention to the son. It's just there. It's providing heat and warmth.

It's what you've evolved around all whole lives. And so they might really all they think about is their friend and social media and their texting, but without that parent, in a sense they know, I have this safety there. I know that parents are there for me.

And so that's highly, highly important. And when that piece is the parent is distracted, the parent is abusive, the parents are distant, that's when you can start to develop problems. But parents, they're engaged. Maybe they're even arguing some and making them do their homework and do their dishes. The kid needs that structure. Yeah. So the kids need to do the dishes, right? Oh, yeah, they need to do the dishes.

Well, you know, that's among one of the dangerous things. When we return, I want to talk about teens resort to cutting themselves. So we will continue talking to Dylan who's helping us with mental health and teenagers that we can better understand them.

Stay with us. Call us. 1-866-3434 if you have questions about your teenager.

1-866-3434. We will be right back with Amy Cabo and The Cure. Amy Cabo and The Cure.

When I move my head, it would go in and out. The suffering, the tenacity of the human spirit and the courage to keep moving forward with the help of God. I want people to know that there's hope.

I was forced into my abortion because I didn't think I had a choice. I want people to know there's choices. Well, Amy, my heart is breaking. I just want you to know that I love you and I thank God for you.

Amy Cabo and The Cure. Every Saturday at 1 Eastern on the Truth Network. I want people to know that I love you and I thank God for you. Every Saturday at 1 Eastern on the Truth Network.

Every Saturday at 1 Eastern on the Truth Network. I want people to know that I love you and I thank God for you. And now we will continue with Amy Cabo and The Cure. Welcome back. This is Amy Cabo and thanks for tuning in. Remember that you can listen to the radio show live through our app The Cure with Amy Cabo or later as a podcast wherever podcasts are. The song that just played was Head and Heart by Joel Corey and M-N-E-K.

Neck. This is a super fun song. There are times we find ourselves saying things we normally wouldn't and behaving in ways we wish we hadn't. But there's a true nature within us. The very beating of our hearts that tells us to stop whenever we feel it's God we should run from instead of the enemy because of what we've become. It can't be fought with. God loves us too much. It was never a crush.

It's love unconditional and it's always enough. We are talking to Dylan who is helping us better understand our teenagers. Dylan. So here's the other thing we should be aware of so that we can try to help. Dylan, how can we address a teen that is cutting himself or herself? Explain why this happens and how we can help.

What can we do as parents? Sure. You know and so this is not necessarily a new phenomenon. I don't think it was going on so much when I was a kid. It's under the surface but it's actually now pretty common and kids cut for a couple different reasons. There's a lot of copycat cutting going on. A lot of it's experimenting. I have friends doing it. There's stuff in my life.

Oh, this doesn't really work for me. But the kids who really do it and they kind of engage in it, we found that there's endorphins released when they cut. And so I kind of liken it to a kid who feels so tense, so tight, so constricted. They're so much in pain. They feel so stuck that when they cut there's a sense of relief. There's an exhale.

I can kind of focus for a moment and be here for a moment and it goes away really quickly. And it becomes almost sort of like an addiction. We're addicted to any chemical or other type of processed addiction. And so those are endorphins that were released. I've heard kids say, I want to feel something other than this, what I'm feeling inside. Okay, so they feel endorphins but doesn't it hurt them when they're cutting themselves?

Wouldn't that be a deterrent? Well, some it is. Some try it and say, this doesn't do anything for me. It just hurts. Some, the pain is sort of the point. So there are endorphins released which are dopamine and different endorphins that actually feel good in the body. But some, the pain is the point. I feel so numb.

I feel so distant from myself, from my family that it just kind of becomes, in the same way like an eating disorder, all of life becomes about food and control. This is something I can control. This is mine. It's something I can do. And a lot of times the pain is not, it doesn't stop them.

It's part of the point. And so what do you do about it? Like always, it's being engaged as a parent, having an honest, direct conversation about it. I have parents where they have to check. They check the arms. They check the legs.

They check the areas. Do they need extra supervision or do they need, is this a child that needs intervention, therapy? Or this is just because their friends do it and it's a phase? Well, I would say any time you find your child cutting themselves, there needs to be some kind of intervention, whether it's a conversation, it's extra supervision. It's usually not about suicide. It can turn into suicide. But usually it's not like I want to kill myself.

It's typically a defense. Some kids cut really, really light with a tiny little razor or a paper clip, a tiny little cut. It becomes about the thing itself. But certainly there's stuff going on. Well, some cut with knives and leave a scar.

What's that? Some cut with knives and leave scars. Sure, absolutely. Unfortunately. And some kids cut deep. We found that boys that cut actually are more dangerous than girls that cut. Boys who cut cut deeper. They tend to have more, what might lean more towards suicidal ideation than girls, which is interesting. Girls attempt suicide more often.

Boys are successful more often with suicide, which is also interesting. And, you know, you can just imagine if what we're going through as adults, where our lives have changed so much, imagine a teenager that their mind might not be as mature and they don't really express how they feel. You kind of have to get it out of them. But they're hurting, too.

Dylan, how do I know? I mean, how about street drugs? How common is that among teenagers?

Is it a matter of bad influences? Or could you tell me how we can protect our children from this? Movies. You know, there's one simple way to protect you to know if your kids are doing drugs. Lock them.

I know it's the parents all the time. Say that again, boys. Lock them. Lock them. Lock them at home. Well, that's one way. But that's going to backfire.

Find a way anyway. You test them. You get a simple test and you get it from Walgreens and you pop random tests. If you think your kid's doing drugs, you test them. And if they won't take the test, then that's confirmation that they are. And so a lot of parents are like, well, that actually makes a lot of sense.

And they're going to kick and scream. If you think your kid's doing drugs, give them a drug test. But as far as, you know, one thing I think is important to mention now is marijuana and the prevalence of these vape pens and hash oils and daph and all of these things where they can get so much more THC than we ever could in the past. We could put pen joints in two hours and you can't get as much THC as you can with the vape pen. And so what we're seeing is a lot of cannabis-induced psychosis among teenagers.

That's ramped up right around the time that these vape pens became available. And how is that presented? The psychosis. The marijuana-induced psychosis. How is that presented? So psychosis would mean there's hallucinations, there's delusions, they're detached from reality.

They might, you know, rant. I mean, so we don't really never really saw that before. You had to smoke so much weed to get to that point in the past. But now you have these vape pens. And kids might be hitting these things 20, 30, 40 times a day because it's so easy.

You don't smell it. They can keep it in their pocket. And you can just pop, you know, they can do what they're doing in a class. So I didn't even know that was available.

I mean, it's not really socially legally available, but they're out there on the market. Right. So what happened with that situation when the street vaping pens were having the disease of the lungs? Did that go away? We didn't stop hearing about it, suddenly. Here's the thing about vaping is whether it's tobacco, bubble gum or cannabis, we don't really know the effects. We don't know what's going on. And so I don't think that went away.

I think what you're seeing is it's a bit rare. But kids that have been vaping, vaping so much and they're having a particular reaction for some reason. We definitely want to go into that. We want to talk about what's normal teenager behavior and what could indicate a bigger problem and stigmas when it comes to teenagers who are in therapy or in need of. Call us to share how your teen is doing or maybe you are a teen. Call us to see, to tell us how you are feeling.

1-866-3434. Be right back with Amy Cabell and The Cure. I'm a mess and I'm still broken But I'm finding my way back And it feels like someone's stolen All the light I ever had Like the world disappeared and I'm laying right here While the silence is piercing And it hurts to breathe I don't have much but at least I still have me I still have me And that's all I need So take my faith but at least I still believe I still believe And that's all I need I don't have much but at least I still have me And now we will continue with Amy Cabell and The Cure. Welcome back and thanks for tuning in. We're live every Saturday at 1pm on your radio on our app The Cure and our website All shows are available also as a video podcast. Just look for The Cure with Amy Cabell where the podcasts are.

The song that just played will still have me by Demi Lovato. I can be a mess and still feel broken The enemy knows the opportune time when he tries to steal the light only given by the divine. At our lowest, deep in silence, we lay at Jesus' feet. It's when our emotions depend on no one that we rise above defeat. We can write our stories over, give more meaning to the theme, make it worthwhile reading even when it hurts to breathe. Faith can take me there or I believe in me. God proved it so many times as he set me free.

Why are you arriving again? We are talking to Dylan about teenagers and mental health. Yep. Dylan, you know, sometimes we forget we were teenagers once. So, when it comes to teenagers, you know, some people don't know that some teenage behavior can be normal. And some signs can indicate to a bigger problem. You know, a lot of things we just throw it off to, oh, they're just being a teenager or that's a teenager.

And so, what are the things that we should know about that's not typical teenager behavior? Oops, we got a question mark. Dylan, you hear us? Okay, good. Yes, I hear you.

I'm here. Okay. So, did you hear the question?

Yes. What can we look at for signs that are atypical to teenage behavior? That can be a bigger problem. So, one thing I like to tell parents is, and I tell everybody, trust your instruments. Trust your intuition. If you really kind of get quiet and ask the question of yourself, is there something going on with my kid? And listen. We tend to know. We tend to kind of, you know, and so we have to be quiet enough and step away from the whir of the noise and the babble and kind of ask that question.

Look at our children. Take the time to put some attention on them. And what might be normal for one kid may not be normal for another.

So, I mean, there aren't really a set of, this is unnormal, this is normal. But with that said, a similar thing we talked about earlier would be changes in behavior, sudden changes in friend groups, sudden loss of interest in hobbies they had before. You know, expressions of anxiety, depression, looking around their room for things that might maybe shouldn't be there. The way that I see it, if we're asking that question of our teenager, it merits looking into, I think. Also, how about the stigma when it comes to teenagers that are in therapy or needing therapy? Or does it keep them from seeking therapy? Is there still such a stigma? As it is in adults.

I'm suckling at that because not in my experience. We have the stigma. The kids don't care.

Nice. At least them. You know, there are some cultural, you know, some cultures are a little less likely to reach out for therapy than others. But in general, the kids, teenagers, they're all, they don't care. You know, I worked for years with the army over in Germany at these schools for adolescence.

And they could care less who knew, they didn't care about confidentiality. And in general, that was my experience. If the adults have the stigma, they just don't have that like we do.

And I guess because it's easier to forgive a child than it is an adult. For sure. Okay, so when do we need to actually refer or look for a mental health professional to get involved in the situation?

Yeah. When the first and foremost, when your instinct issue intuition, mother and father's intuition says, maybe we should have someone take a look. It's never, there's no harm in having a formal assessment by a counselor or licensed clinician.

If you're worried about your kid and you think there's something going on, have them schedule something for somebody. Or if they're not listening to you and they don't want to talk to you, they may need somebody neutral. So that's a good reason to get them help. Right. And talking about that, how do we get a teenager that doesn't like to share to open up to us? What are your practical tips?

Oh, yeah. So for one thing they have to, and this is a near impossible task, one of my tasks is to have them not see me as an authority figure, as a parent figure. Because they're kind of in a mode, it's a parent, it's authority, I lie, I don't disclose to them, I don't let them in. And so if you want your kid to be open and honest, you demonstrate openness and honesty to them. You know, if you want your kid to be happy and joyful, you demonstrate happiness and joy. You know, I've never been one to really like 10 step programs, like books, 10 steps to parenting a happy, healthy teenager. My whole stick is for the parent, can you learn to be at ease and balanced, happy, calm, confident yourself?

Can you do the work on yourself? And then demonstrate that to the child. Kids do what they see, not what they're told. And so we can talk about tips and techniques and ways to communicate with kids, but if the parent isn't first, let me take a look at my life, let me deal with my pain, my issues, my past, the rocks in my backpack, so that I don't project it onto my child. And what I've seen is parents that really get that and they do the work themselves, the relationship with the kid, it changes organically. It just happens naturally, you don't have to do anything. I just, if I exhibit happiness and calmness more often, my kids are going to be happy and calm.

If I'm honest and genuine, they tend to match that. So under the same token, if you want your teenager to share with you, you should be honest with them and share with them as well. So we need to go to therapy first, got it.

Okay. Well, kids growing up, they go through so many various stages, obstacles, and troubles. And we, as parents, we need to reach out to them because we forget how scary the world can be to them sometimes. We're at schools now where I ask too many things all the time. Well, our daughter doesn't want to go to school.

She's happy with the homeschooling. Which is no schooling. Well, in my opinion. Well, before they didn't have a choice. Now they do.

Now they get to be complacent. Okay. It's complicated to live, I guess.

Grow. It's not complicated. It's fun.

It's fun. There you are. So, what do we do more with teenagers? I'm losing my chain of thought.

Did you mention that we have two of them? Well, we have one teenager and one, what do you call the lesser teenager? The smaller teenager. Teenagers, adolescence doesn't end until your mid-twenties.

Oh, there you are. Sometimes even in your forties. That doesn't stop growing until the mid-twenties. So, adolescence used to be at eighteen. You go out and get a job, you get a factory. You go to a graduate high school, you go to a factory, you get a job. Now we have this extended adolescence through graduate school and undergrad. So, the brain doesn't really ever stop growing, but particularly for kids, the prefrontal cortex, that's 20, 24, 25, that's when that part is kind of finished.

Adolescence is longer period than 18, for sure. Yeah, true. So, how do you deal with rebellious or troubled things? Oppositional, defiant, that kind of stuff. If you push against an oppositional kid, what happens? Pushes back. Especially with the boy.

Right? And so, I also say to parents, it's about non-engagement. It's about pattern breaking. If what you find is you tell your kid to do the ditches and they say, screw you, and you yell at them, and you create this thing, no one's listening to each other. It's about non-engagement.

It's about, well, I need to be, as a parent, in a space where my buttons aren't triggered so much that I'm going to allow the kid to have this experience. Here are the rules, and here are the consequences. You can argue with the rules and consequences, but it's not going to do you any good.

This is just the deal. But I'm going to disengage from the argument. I'm going to disengage from the push-pull.

And I'm going to return at a different point, kind of taking it at an angle, and just walk up to my kid and give him a hug and kiss and say, I love you and I'm always here for you, and walk away. Pattern breaking. Do something different. Lean more towards love. You have to be very creative with these teenagers.

They're getting smarter on us. We would love to hear from you. If you're a teenager or you know of a teenager, give us a call. 1-866-3434. We will be right back with Amy Cabell and the kid.

God wants to make it inextricably clear that your relationship to Him vertically includes your relationship to others horizontally. Oh, let me be the one you need When those falling stars Don't line up your dreams Before it breaks your heart Oh, let me be the one you need Rest your head here Pull me closer I want you tight while You let go And I could love you If you just let me Be the one Be the one you need And now we will continue with Amy Cabell and The Cure. Welcome back and thanks for listening. Welcome to The Cure.

Yes. Later the show will be available as a podcast. Search for The Cure with Amy Cabell.

Amy is spelled by the way with an I and a double E on any podcast channel and subscribe so you don't miss an episode. The song that just played was The One You Need by Brett Eldredge. When we fly high, we can sink deep. I've been there so many times. When we lose ourselves chasing falling stars, we tend to lose our dreams.

They don't line up and just because we spend our lives finding love in the wrong places doesn't mean we should give up. God reaches out to us and says, lay your head here on my shoulder and I will hold you hold you so very near. And if you let go, I'm relentless. I'm available. So pull me closer. I'm right here. I can love you even better if you just let me. I'll take care of every need. We're talking to Dylan Webber, a psychotherapist, helping us discuss teenagers. And I can almost hear.

Okay, I'm hearing again. Dylan, is family therapy a solution? Everybody together discussing issues with a therapist. With your teenager, are they willing to go to therapy with their parents? That can be a solution and some are. Some are not at first.

In my experience, it's always best for me to develop a relationship with the team. If you give them the trust me that I have their best interest, that I can kind of help them find their voice or translate for them to the parent. So the parent can actually hear what they're saying. But family therapy is wildly successful and healing. The problem, the dysfunction does not belong to the teenager alone. It belongs to the family system. And oftentimes the teenager is just an expression of the problem that's in the family. And so parents will come and say, here, fix my kid.

Don't talk to me, but fix my kid. And it's the parent. But if we can address the system, then obviously the problem goes away much quicker.

The team gets better when the system is more healthy. So the parents are the head of the system. So circle back around to it's so important for the parents to do the work themselves. So how does it work? You're the therapist of the patient, of the team or the family?

He can help build that bridge. Good question. It's a good question, Boris. Because there is some disagreement, but a true family therapist would say my patient is the family, not any one particular person. But in my practice and in reality, it can look a lot of different ways. It can start with the kid as the client, but then the family becomes the client, but the kid remains the main client.

It's usually better if you have the kid with the therapist and the family therapist with a different therapist, the family with a different therapist. But that doesn't always work. It doesn't always happen that way. Wow. Complicated, but resourceful and saves and helps.

Interesting, I say. Dylan, what else do teens and their families do to get help? Is school a good resource or support groups? You know, there are so many resources out there and so many groups doing so many wonderful things like you guys. And so there are resources. We are resources. Thank you. I always thought of us as a resource, but yeah, now I know we are. Thank you.

You definitely are. We're working on it. So, you know, like we said, it's a community effort and, you know, the social workers, a different type of, you know, I'm a clinical psychologist with my background in social work, they say, you treat the whole community. You know, in our Western individualized culture, we tend to want to isolate and be independent.

But building stronger communities, giving resources to communities, encouraging, you know, you've heard the expression, it takes a village to raise a kid. Right. It's true.

Very true. So, what about this online virtual therapy? How's online therapy working?

Is that beneficial? So, I am an online therapist. That's when my practice is fully online. I've actually, it's relatively new, but I don't have an office.

I'm in my office at home right now. And so research is showing that there really is no difference in effectiveness from online and in person. And the more studies that are done, the more they say that there's not really a difference.

So maybe actually even better. There are some benefits. You don't have to get into a car. You don't have to wait in a waiting room.

You can do it from your phone, from your home, and you're more comfortable at home. And for teenagers who live on their phones, it is not a stretch for them to push a zoom, click a link, and talk to the therapist. It's the older folks who kind of have struggled with technology. The people with teens, not a stretch at all. The millennials, they don't see anything unusual about it at all.

Yep. And some adults don't. I mean, I understand. And there shouldn't be much of a difference. Really, it's actually more convenient. But can you feel someone's energy through the screen?

Well, it depends how you move. You do lose something when you're not in person. You do? You can? You lose something. Nice.

We lose. Well, you can't have it all, I guess. Right. You know, it is better to be in the room. But can I sense what's going on with the client?

Can I intuit based upon body language, based upon tone of voice, based upon my own intuition? Absolutely. I feel like there's not a lot lost.

There is something lost when we're not at distance. And primarily it's about tech issues. That's the big problem. Yeah. Now that everybody's on the Internet. Right.

But probably some people actually maybe are opening even more. Well, I don't know. I can see where you're much more comfortable than in a foreign office.

And I don't see anything with it because it doesn't require a physical exam or anything like that. So you're basically studying the person and you don't need to be present one on one in front of each other for that. But I see that we have a caller. Actually, we're going to take a quick question. It's John. Yes.

Hello. Yes. My question is for the doctor. Once we have a child who is starting therapy and if we ask the doctor questions, can he open up to us and tell us what's going on or is that confidential? I'm not sure. OK, let me repeat your question, because Dylan just had a small phone break.

It's a problem. Dylan, so our guest is asking if you start a therapy with a patient, with a child. Can you explain to the parents what's going on? Yes.

Yes and no. So you want the kid to have a space that's safe that they can share and they can be honest with the therapist and know that they're not going to run back and tell the parents. At the same time, what I'll say to parents is if I think your kid is at risk, I'm going to tell you. I have to tell you.

If I think they're going to kill themselves, if they're going to hurt someone else, if they're cutting, if I'm worried about your kid, I'm going to let the parent know. I'm going to break that. Thank you.

For safety reasons. Thank you, John, for calling. I really appreciate your question. We are almost at the end of the show and we need to start closing up. And please call again, John. So, Dylan, thank you again for being on the show. It was great talking to you. Thank you so much.

It was fun. And we're going to finish with a prayer. Oh, one second. And so more information on Dylan's practice can be found on Is that correct, right? That's correct. We also have it posted on our website if you need it for reference.

Yes. Well, let's finish with a prayer, as we always do. A prayer for teens to grow spiritually amid school, family, and social pressures. Father, we lift up teens to grow spiritually in you amid school, family, and social pressures. We often called great men and women in their teens to follow you into their destinies, from David being crowned king as a teen, to Esther saving her people as a young adult, to Mary being bestowed the honor of carrying your son, Jesus.

As a teen, you often have a tender spot in calling youth to their journeys. We pray that during the time between childhood and adulthood that they would come to know you more spiritually, that it would not be merely religion in the sense of roles to be followed, but a deeply rooted relationship where they come to know the character and heart of God. We pray in these years they embrace you in their hearts, and that seeding of faith will grow into gardens of splendor in your kingdom, full of fruit and life. We pray against attacks of the enemy or influences that are seeking to corrupt them. We speak against such spirits in Jesus' name, for you said in Matthew 18 that those who seek to lead a child into sin come in offense against you. We pray for your spirit, protecting and leading them into true communion with you, growing in truth and spirit.

I know that the special relationship with you will protect them from any other problems that they might face. In Jesus' name, amen. And thank you to our audio producer Beth Ann for playing my songs and making the show sound good. And thanks to Robbie Fillmore of Kingdom Pursuit and the Christian Car Guy shows for his guidance. And of course, thank you to our listeners for the 75,000 podcast downloads.

That's crazy. This is Amy Cabo. You've been listening to The Cure. Stay safe, keep the faith, and God bless. Please check our podcast, The Cure with Amy Cabo, our app, The Cure, or our website, Please subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss an episode. The Cure with Amy Cabo. For more information or to get Amy's book, Love is the Answer, God is the Cure, and to listen to the podcasts of previous shows, visit
Whisper: medium.en / 2024-02-24 01:40:05 / 2024-02-24 01:57:23 / 17

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