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It is Family Friday!

The Christian Perspective / Chris Hughes
The Truth Network Radio
June 3, 2022 9:00 am

It is Family Friday!

The Christian Perspective / Chris Hughes

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June 3, 2022 9:00 am

Connie Albers has a new grandson and she shares how grandparents can leave a legacy for their grandchildren.

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Get ready. It's one of America's most important, influential, and respected voices on cultural and political issues. An apologist, Christian political advocate, and author, here is the founder and chairman of the Citizens for America Foundation, Dr. Chris Hughes. Hello, and welcome to Christian Perspective. I'm Chris Hughes, and it is family Friday, my favorite day of the week with my favorite co-host in the world, Ms. Tani Albers. And y'all, I want to go ahead and tell you right now, this is a special day because Tani recently had a brand new grandbaby. Congratulations, Tani. You've been excited. How does it feel to be a granny? Oh my gosh, it's crazy. It's incredible. The joy, I don't know, the joy of seeing my son hold his son.

Something in me just melted. I think it's different if it's a daughter, but knowing that this is now a legacy, he's creating a new legacy. And that's what I want to talk about this week, this week in our time together, because you've had some amazing things happen, too. And I think this bears you and I just freely conversing about the season of life and what families need to be thinking about in our roles and how our roles change. I can't wait. I know that you're just finishing one book, but now this is going to be a whole new set of books you can write about grandparenting.

Y'all have a whole new world up a whole new world for you. You had a grandson, is that right? And so how is Tom grand daddy? Is he beaming with joy and excited about having a grandson?

Oh, absolutely. In some ways he's giddy. Now, he's a very quiet man, but when he thinks about our grandson, boy, he just gets giddy.

And I think he's probably going to be running over there more than I will. So have any, I know this is not what you, you want to talk about legacy, but I'm just gonna be silly for a minute. So have y'all bought like any, any crazy gifts for your grandson? Have you started the card fund? Is it something that he can't wear for 10 years?

Have there been any crazy gifts yet? Oh, oh, it's true. Grandchildren are like buying a boat. You just break out another thousand. Have you ever heard that phrase?

When you buy a boat, you break out another thousand. Grand babies are, oh, you need, you need to get this and you need to get this. And my, I, yes, I, I have a little nursery. And that is, that is just so that when they come to visit, he has a little comfortable place that he's used to. And he has his little toys that he, that are only going to be at grandma's house. And everybody has been asking me, so what is your name going to be?

This is the part that cracks me up. It's not that I'm not original or creative, but I just want to be called grandma. I don't, I feel like it's a term of honor and I, you know, and the fact that they can take them to the store. I mean, if they still sell greeting cards these days, but you can take them to the store and you can see a card that says grandma and you know, happy, happy, you know, happy grandparents day. I don't know, but yes, I have started all of that.

And you know, my thought is like with my granddaughter, not with my granddaughter, with my daughter-in-law, just being able to model, what does this look like? And how can we help you? And frankly, Chris, we turn on the news just recently. It's horrific what's happening. And these are, this is a culture our kids are raising children in, our grandkids, and they need us to shore them up. They need us to pray over them, to be that cheerleader that says, hey, I'm here. I am there for you. I will support you.

And I don't mean financially. I just mean, I'm there to support you. I'm there to point these little ones to the Lord, to remind you that it is the Lord who protects your kids. That is the Lord who gives you wisdom and discernment.

It's the Lord who gives you wisdom and discernment. But I'll be honest, it's also intimidating because it's changed. I was Googling some stuff about grandparenting, and this is like the song of grandparenting, maybe it will end up being about grandparenting, but I was Googling it and I saw all these rules. And I thought, okay, there's my next book. I saw that there's all these rules now that grandparents have to follow.

And I literally thought, what the world? What's up with all these rules? And it has dawned on me that this generation has not understood the value that comes from older generation, whether it's the Titus 2, mom, whether it's the gray hair, whether it's the wisdom and sage advice that we get from our elders, we will run to a blog post, a stranger, and we'll discount the advice that comes from generations, how we do things, why we do things and thinking. I think, Chris, it's a lot has to do with we're expecting some level of perfection and our parents maybe didn't deliver. And we have to remind them.

I think it's our responsibility to remind them that doesn't exist. You're not going to raise perfect kids. You're not going to be the perfect parent. You're going to try to be the best parent you can be. You're going to listen to the Lord. You're going to seek guidance and counsel, but you're going to make mistakes and you need the advice. You need the support of your family and your extended family, especially in this day and age.

Yeah. I know, uh, you know, probably your son and daughter are feeling this right now. I was scared to death. Our daughter's the oldest when we had her and, um, you know, didn't know what to do. And I was so grateful for other people who came into our lives, grandparents and other, you know, maybe some of our listeners today probably don't have their parents alive anymore, but, you know, I encourage you if your parents are not allowed to find another older couple, it's kind of like a mentor couple to you who've been through these times of life and can be models of examples and help us through those times. But, um, you know, your kids are blessed to have you and Tom there.

And I'm sure your daughter-in-law's parents are probably there too. Um, but it is, I mean, it's a thrilling time, but a scary time too. And it's funny looking back on the first kids, and I know it's probably the same with you and Tom, um, you know, what they say really is true when the second one comes around. I mean, I was so different when Kristi was born.

I didn't have a clue the first time. I mean, we bought tons of jobs, uh, you know, these stupid, so if you bought your kids one, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I know, I wouldn't even go with it. So some gifts, I'll just say, you know, I'll just say we didn't need some, some of the gifts that we're giving to us and some of the things that, uh, I went out and bought like everything under the sun because I wanted to be prepared, you know, when we brought her home. And this Christian is like, okay, I can just throw a diaper in the trash can.

I don't have to have all this fancy stuff. And, uh, yeah, it was just a different scenario, but it is a scary time and an exciting time and a time to, um, you know, a prayerful time, you know, I'm sure y'all have already done this, praying over, over your grandson and praying God's blessings under his lives and just thinking about how God is going to use him in a special way to, to impact the world for Jesus. And Alex, I'm just so happy for you because I know we've been waiting for this for, for quite a while. You know, you travel so much, were you in town when it happened? Yes, actually we were. Um, as a matter of fact, on top of all the other craziness that we had going on in our lives, uh, they had recently bought a home and we had to move them. So here's my daughter-in-law and I really have to give a shout out to her because she is, she was over, she missed her dead, her due date, right? She was 40 some weeks pregnant.

They bought a home and we had to move them. Uh, and so Chris, this is the beauty. I mean, that's why I love family Fridays.

It's not perfect. But when we said, Hey guys, and you know, there's a, we're a family of 10. Hey guys, it's moving day. We got to get them moved.

And she's 40 weeks pregnant. I mean, my kids that could, I mean, pretty much everybody, but one or two that were out of town, they dropped everything and they showed up and we had U-Hauls, uh, U-Haul trailers, trucks, and we loaded up, I mean, killed ourselves with pianos and, and whatnot. But Chris, I, I stood as their mother looking, thinking, and when I was in the trenches and it was hard, you know, you're trying to get them to share your Legos, you know, don't be mean to your sister.

Um, be kind when you're in the middle of teaching and training, you don't know like what's the end result going to look like. Will they grow up and hate each other? Will they grow up? Will they ever stop fighting? Will they ever get along?

Will they die to themselves and serve without being told? And all I did was say, hey, moving day is Friday and Saturday. That's a workday for, for like all of my children. Those are workdays. And they're like, what time? And Chris, it was downpouring.

I mean, we had a day loose at our, on moving day and all sorts of mishaps happened that they showed up. Those, my men that were strong, that could lift that piano. And she never quit. She didn't whine. She didn't complain. She didn't pull the, I'm 40 weeks pregnant.

She kept going. And so Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and then, excuse me, on Sunday, we were doing last minute preparations on Monday. Tom and I were at their house trying to make some sense of order so we could get a kitchen together and I could get sheets on the bed so she could take a nap and lay down and get the crib. My daughter, uh, my daughter put the baby's crib together and she's like, I put my nephew's crib together. I mean, there were so many little things and I was taking them in and tucking them away, my heart going, look, this is what you envisioned.

This is what you envisioned for the family. Perfect. No. Did people, you know, get tired?

Yes. But my daughter-in-law, she just was gracious and kind and helpful and very careful with, with her words. And literally we left their house on, um, 1130 Monday night. We got home 30 minutes later, got a call five minutes after that, Hey, we're on our way to the hospital. Can you get the dog? Get the dog.

Yeah. We scoot, get the dog. Cause you know, you got to take care of the dog and get the dog. And they're on the hospital. And at four 17, she has a baby.

It's a Tuesday morning. So it's amazing how, how life changes and how your family, when you're in the trenches and you're raising them to serve and you're raising them to be kind and gentle. And you think about all the fruit of all the fruit of the spirit.

You're thinking about the character qualities. You're trying to pour into these kids day in and day out. You're afraid you get afraid. What if I miss something? What if I ruined them?

What if they don't like me? We can't parent from a place of fear. We have to parent from a place of knowing God is in control.

God has just charged us with being faithful. I know I've said that before, Chris, but, but you know, your kids just had some big activities. We talked about this the last time, how your son had a prom coming up and your daughter's graduating with her masters and she's onto going into as an officer and your life is upending itself. But even though your family isn't all right around you, you're incredibly close. And what is that like for you? Let's talk about that.

We're probably out of time for this segment. I want you to share that. This show is brought to you by Generous Joe's, the coffee company with the Christian perspective. This is the answer that Christians and conservatives have been looking for. A coffee company that gives back to causes you care about.

Order your coffee today at shopgenerousjoes.org and even subscribe to a subscription coffee plan and never forget the coffee you love or the causes you care about. Walk in the footsteps of Jesus and see the Bible come to life. This December, join nationally syndicated radio host and founder of the Citizens for America Foundation, Dr. Chris Hughes, on a life-changing trip to Israel. It's one of the world's oldest and most fascinating travel destinations, luring the faithful from all over the world for thousands of years. Visit Jerusalem's religious quarters and explore Christianity's most treasured religious sites, like the Wailing Wall, the Dome of the Rock, and the Via Dolorosa. Walk with Chris through the winding alleyways of Nazareth's old city and visit ancient Bethlehem, the place of our Savior's birth. Float in the Dead Sea, visit the Sea of Galilee and the Jewish fortress of Masada. See firsthand where the events of the Bible took place. Touring Israel with Dr. Chris Hughes is a travel odyssey like no other.

Visit citizensforamericafoundation.com and get ready for an unforgettable trip and memories that will last a lifetime. Do you desire to build family relationships that stand the test of time? Does creating a Godly family seem like a daunting challenge?

You're not alone. I'm Connie Albers, author of Parenting Beyond the Rules and host of Equipped to Be. As a mother of five, I understand your struggles. For 35 years, I have been helping families just like yours build lasting relationships.

I'd like to invite you to tune in to Equipped to Be and visit ConnieAlbers.com, where I share useful tips and proven strategies to help you navigate the seasons of motherhood, faith, and life with confidence and joy. History was made on today's date. Stay tuned for An American Minute with Bill Federer. The Dutch hope there existed a water route across America to the Pacific, and they sent Henry Hudson to find it. Although he was unsuccessful, he did lay claim to the land along the Hudson River, so named for him. There, the Dutch West India Company founded the colony of New Netherlands, receiving their charter this day, June 3rd, 1621. The Dutch leader, called the Staten General, after which Staten Island was named, gave the regulation, colonists shall, by their Christian life and conduct, leave Indians to the knowledge of God and his word, without, however, persecuting anyone because of his faith. This has been An American Minute with Bill Federer.

For a free transcript, call American Minute at 1-888-USA-WORD. Welcome back to Christian Perspective. It's Family Friday. You know, Fridays, we talk to our favorite parent and family expert, Connie Albers. She's our co-host here.

And Connie is just like energize your buddy that keeps doing it. If you're listening to the first segment, I can't even imagine. I mean, I know the stress we had getting ready to have a baby, or the stress we've had separately when we're going to move.

I cannot imagine moving on the day you're trying to have your baby. What an incredible story. And, you know, they're going to look back and probably laugh on that. Now, the other thing is, you were talking about your daughter putting together a baby crib, and how everybody was nice and friendly. It's probably good that I was not there, Connie, because I cannot put things together. I know Tom's an engineer. Maybe she got it. Maybe she got it from her daddy. I think that was always frustrating.

I'm really going down the trail here. My father, you know, was very good with the hands-on stuff and mechanical and all that. And he had a son who can't even screw a screw into the hole.

So it's got to be frustrating. But I was just thinking, I was pitching your daughter and thinking, y'all are so blessed to have a daughter that can put together a crib, because that would be pitching a fit, Robin, trying to put that thing together while your family's together. It's good you did, you know, because you get to share with your grandson one day how everybody did all these things the day before he came home.

Oh, that's exactly right. I want him to look back one day and, you know, maybe I'll be in the wheelchair, who knows, but I want him to look back one day and I say, look, Uncle so-and-so is here and Uncle so-and-so is here and Uncle so-and-so is here and your aunties were here and your grandma and grandpa were here and we were getting your home ready with your childhood home where you've made all these memories because we love you and because we're doing life together. And he'll laugh one day and they'll say, wow, he had hair back then.

Or, you know, oh, he doesn't look the same now. Who knows what he'll say, but, you know, Chris, I think about our segments and I get so excited when we get to come together because our lives are, you know, we're busy. Parenting is one of the things we do. You know, you've got your ministry that you're running and I've got my ministry and we're working together on different projects and, you know, your wife's pursuing things, as is my husband, and out of all that we do, all the lives, I would say the millions of lives that you and I touch, that God has allowed us to impact, influence. The greatest influence that we really have is in the lives of our kids. I mean, when it's all said and done, those are the treasures God gives us. He says that, you know, children are the fruit of the womb, that, you know, children are a gift, they're a treasure, they're a blessing, and you have two amazing blessings who adore you and Vicki. And, you know, I want our segment to just be hope-filled, not in a sense of, oh, look how we did it, we did it all right.

No, but God is faithful and you'll have seasons of trial and seasons of misunderstanding and opportunities for the enemy to get in and place wedges. And we've talked about this before, you know, you've talked about how you can be overbearing or you can get mad and, you know, I can lecture my kids to death and, you know, I can get my feelings hurt. But we have to be so vigilant, Chris, to maintain a healthy relationship and communicate with our kids. Because when we turn the tassel from high school and like you, you know, your son has graduated, your daughter is now has like multiple degrees, and she's on to the next degree. You have a very accomplished family and my kids have all graduated, we turn the tassel. But we want more than that.

It's more than just zero to 18 and then see and, you know, them turn around and say thanks for the keys to the car or thanks for the college education or, you know, thanks for the wonderful food you cooked. No, we want something deeper and I believe that that's what God wants for our family. And Chris, I believe that's why our families are under so much attack and why you and I spend so much time trying to equip families and to make an impact in the culture and push back against the lies that are being told and that parents are believing and that the kids are believing and it's important. What do you think about that?

It is important. I think about, I mean, this is part of the reason I love talking to you every week is that I learn so much about parenting from you and try to take examples from what you're entitled to because you've paved the way, you know, before us. And I was just thinking, as you were talking to my son, Christian, you do a better job of not talking about your kids than I do.

I stay in trouble kind of because I talk about them. Christian just started an internship a few days ago. He's, you know, studying engineering at a company and he was blessed that a company gave him an opportunity to do an internship.

But he's a young guy for where he is and he's really kind of on his own. I mean, he's been at school for college, you know, for four years, but this is a different chapter of his life and God's really opened doors for us. I haven't shared all this with you, Ty, because we were worrying, you know, things like parents worry about.

Like, where is he going to live? Because so many other things were going on in our lives, like with you. I mean, like you, I travel all the time and Vicki, you know, travels with, she's been speaking other places in other countries and so we haven't, either one of us have been home really to kind of help him get ready as if he was finishing school and starting this internship and we didn't have a place for him to live. And God blessed us, Connie, we're a group of three senior ladies, Christian ladies, in this town. So I just sent out a call on Facebook to some friends of mine in this area where he's living and said, hey, would any of you know of anybody who might have a room available, you know, for my son to live in this summer?

Because, you know, he's trying to watch his money and so we found like three grandmothers, Connie, God blessed us so much. We were kind of rotating them back and forth between their homes, but I was thinking last night, so he's, you know, really for the first time having to go buy groceries for himself. Although I tried to do that when my kids were growing up, you know, we'd go to the grocery store, you know, teach them how to navigate and that's something, by the way, parents realize, I mean, that's something you need to think about.

And that didn't come up for me. About a year before my oldest graduated, I went on Facebook and said, hey, parents, what are some things that you would teach your kids, you know, if you had to do everything before you launched it? And one of the things somebody told me was, you know, teach them how to buy groceries. So, you know, we tried to do that, but really had to practice it on his own yesterday, Connie, and he was in shock of how much things he texted me. I'm going to be in so much trouble here, Connie. He texted me this morning, he's like, Dad, this way exceeds my budget.

I need help. I didn't plan on spending this much. Well, you know, we didn't plan on what was going on in inflation and our economy and empty shelves and supply chain problems, you know, when he was planning all this, but I was just grateful last night. This is a little thing, but he was trying to prepare meals, you know, what I told you all to do is, you know, cook meals like on one, like on Saturday or whatever, that you can freeze and then you can take and microwave your meals throughout the week for lunch and all.

And he'd never done that by himself. So he called me in a panic last night because he was trying to make stir fried rice and cut up chicken. And anyway, I mean, it has nothing to do with anybody else involved, but it was just, I was just honored that he would call me for that. I know that sounds silly, but you're talking about having a relationship. I love that you shared that.

That's, that's, I mean, that's where it's at. I mean, I am, I have the benefit of having all 10 of us live within minutes of each other. I, that is a gift and I am so excited. My son and daughter-in-law just bought their first home and my daughter and her son, her husband are, are looking at a home and they, they called their dad. They, they, she called her dad, so they called my husband and, Hey dad, we're looking at doing this and you're an engineer. So what do you think about this? You know, and your family doesn't all live together, but that isn't, the point isn't, they're not tethered to at home, right? They're not tethered to us. Relationally they are.

And there's a big difference. You're close. Christian's calling you like, Hey, you know, dad, this loaf of bread, we had budgeted like 250 and it's now seven bucks.

And you're probably saying, yeah, eat the crust, eat the crust and eat the ends. And they're like, Ooh, but you know, uh, they learn, they learn something from that, but the fact that, you know, he called you the fact that, that he shared with you about his, his going to prom and, and you were at your daughter's graduation, no matter how busy you guys are, you're present, whether that's emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, you're present. You, you talk to your daughter all the time. You talk to your son all the time. They support what you and your wife are doing and you support them. So it's not about a location as far as a physical address. It's about a relational address and parents above all, above all, I want you to hear you are all your listeners and remind, write this down.

You are your child's primary influence. You know, these college professors, you know, all my kids went to college, they all graduated. They all picked up some stuff. I wish they hadn't picked up, but you know what?

It happens. They live in the real world and the real world isn't pretty, and it's not fair and it's not kind always. Uh, there's a lot of evil, evil and corruption, but the amazing thing is no matter their age, you're the primary influence in their lives. Mentors have their place and we all have them and we should, but mentors don't replace a mom and a dad because when the hard days come, they call, we want them to call on us. We want them to reach out and say, Hey, um, I'm like 20 bucks short on my grocery bill.

Can you PayPal me or Venmo me? Um, or you know, whatever the situation is, especially in this economy. And right now, Chris, as we're talking about older kids, there's more and more kids moving back in with their parents. And if that's your situation, I want to encourage you, uh, moms and dads don't think your kids are a failure to launch.

There's a lot of wisdom. Sometimes when your kids move back in, they can save money, a lot of money to be able to launch forward, uh, with buying a home or advance or career or something like that. We just see the whole, the culture just shifting everywhere, but at the center of it is the family. That was the first institution God created with the family. That's what we have to fight for. That's what we have to protect.

And that's what we have to nurture. And that's a good place for us to break, Connie. Uh, y'all, if you're listening today, we're talking about families and the influence we can have on our children, our families, and we're congratulating Connie on her new grandchild.

We're going to take a quick commercial break. Hey, before we do that, and these people are not even advertisers, but I would just want to give a shout out to Patriot Mobile. They're not paying me to do this, but I encourage you as Christians and as listeners of this show to take a look at Patriot Mobile. It's a great Christian cell phone company. They support Christian ministries. Uh, they're a conservative organization and everything they say they're given a portion of that money back, uh, in, into ministries and the work across the country. Uh, it's really, you can go to PatriotMobile.com. I recently signed up with them and it was seamless.

So check out Patriot Mobile. We'll be right back with Connie Adams. The United States of America has a strong Christian heritage, but most Americans don't know the truly important role that God in the Bible played in the founding of this great nation. This Jew joined nationally syndicated radio hosts and founder of the Citizens for America Foundation, Dr. Chris Hughes, for four amazing days in our nation's capital. With Chris, you'll embark on a journey of discovering the hidden secrets of Washington, DC and rediscover much of America's forgotten Christian heritage. Your tour will include an up close and personal look at the nation's establishment and how it's evolved over the centuries. Learn about the government and the men who helped forge this new kind of Republic, one that acknowledged the creator from its very inception.

Know the truth about the creation of the United States of America, about the faith of the founding fathers and how Christian principles were used to establish this form of government. Visit citizensforamericafoundation.com today and secure your spot to join Chris Hughes in Washington, DC this June. This show is brought to you by Generous Joe's, the coffee company with the Christian perspective. This is the answer that Christians and conservatives have been looking for, a coffee company that gives back to causes you care about.

Order your coffee today at shopgenerousjoes.org and even subscribe to a subscription coffee plan and never forget the coffee you love or the causes you care about. Visit conservativebaptistnetwork.com to learn how you and your church can join and support this exciting movement. Welcome back to Christian perspective.

This is Chris Hughes. My good friend Connie Albers is out here today and she is just dealing with joy because she has a brand new grandson and we're so excited about what God is doing in Connie's life and in her family's life. Connie, before the break, you said, I always take notes when I talk, I bet I could write a book from Connie quotes of things. I take notes every week when I'm talking to you. You are your child's primary influence and that's so important for us as parents. Sometimes we forget that, but we need to be that influence in our child's lives and you were talking about kids coming back and I just wanted to share this with listeners and you'll do a better job of explaining all this, but you were talking about how sometimes kids are having to move back in with their parents and we need to be careful as parents not to see that as a failure in our lives. I mean, the economy is terrible right now, Connie, and it makes sense, but when you were talking about that, it made me think about just last week. So, I mean, the listeners and I, we don't really talk politics all those days you were on here, but people know that I travel the country and speak and encourage Christians to get involved in issues of public policy and politics and I was at an event in Pennsylvania just last week because Pennsylvania is one of those key states.

There's a huge Senate race, US Senate race in Pennsylvania this year that is very important to the Christian cause and the conservative cause. But anyway, when I was driving through Pennsylvania, Connie, there's a huge Amish community in an area called Lancaster. I don't know if you've ever visited there.

I would encourage any of our listeners. One of my favorite places, Connie, it's so cool, Lancaster, Pennsylvania. And those of you that know that I'm a short fat guy, one of the reasons I love it is they have all these great Amish buffets, Connie, and I probably sinned a little bit. I went to this place called the Shady Maple Buffet and I want to tell you it was unreal.

Anyway, I won't get off on the food. My point was I was talking about the families living together, which you commented on. That's something that I was sharing with my family after I was there that day is you drive by these, again, Connie, I don't know if you've been there, but they are these huge farms and that's how we've kind of changed. I mean, one reason people can afford other things or could in the old days is they didn't move continually. The family home might stay in the family for generations. And if you think about it, the single biggest expense for most families is their home.

And I don't know how we got away from that for the most part in our country, but I guess because we're always trying to do better or whatever, but the Amish have done a good job of they keep these big farms in their family. And these homes, you can see where they started off smaller, Connie, and like I'm assuming as they had kids, they build like these compounds where it's like multiple houses that are connected together. And I was thinking about, and that's not exactly how you were using in your context, but I was thinking about how these families stay together.

They work together as a unit and they all live in this same property, even though they might have their own separate rooms or apartments or homes or whatever, but they stay together. And I don't know why, when you were talking about kids moving back home, I was thinking about that because we're in a situation now where one of my kids might be living close to where we would be living. So she wants to have her own apartment. And I'm like, I know you want to be independent and you want to be on your own, but if we have a house there, it would just make sense. Financially, in this economy at least, maybe we can find where you could have your own standalone apartment or whatever in our house or like a mother-in-law apartment situation and save money.

And it's not like daddy's going to be checked it up. That's been an adjustment for me to learn about it. And again, I'm going all over the place here. I was going to say that will be a little hard for you, I think, but you could learn. Well, I'm trying to learn. Just like when I was listening to the last segment about my son, my first instinct when he put out, I call it the bat signal this morning about I need help buying groceries. My first instinct was to jump in the car and say, and go solve that problem.

But I can't do that. That's not being a good adult, a good parent. He needs to learn and he needs to fail. Not that I want bad things happening to him, but he needs to learn.

If I buy this brand of grocery, I'm going to learn next time to find something cheaper or to do something different. And the same with her house is there's been an adjustment where I've probably done a better job with her recently not trying to stick my nose into her business. And as a parent, sometimes that's difficult. When we're launching them, not only are our kids learning, Connie, but we as parents have to learn to let them go. We still want to be an influence in our lives. We want to be closer, but we've got to find a way to do that where we're not injecting ourselves completely into their lives and allowing them to grow up on their own.

You know, I'm glad you brought that up. I think we did a segment, Chris, on multi-generational living and how in other cultures that's just normal. It's just what they do. It's how they live life.

American Western culture is different from that, from that way of thinking, but we have lived that way. We have practiced that over the course of our family's lives. My mother and my stepdad lived with us for a brief period. My father-in-law has lived with us off and on numerous times over the last 10, 15 years. My son, my youngest, is now back living with us because things happened. His roommate decided to sell the home that he was renting. It's hard to get a place.

A lot of times people don't want to rent to kids that are 20-something. It's a little difficult for him. It's an adjustment because I have to kind of put up, so to speak. I have to be okay, not put up with, but I have to be okay with, all right, you just made dinner and you just stuck it in my sink. Are you coming back to wash those things? I have a choice in that moment to get irritated or to just send them a, hey, can you, when you're done, whatever it is that you're doing before you go to work, can you just wash those dishes? We don't want to be like, hey, you are going to wash those dishes, aren't you? That doesn't land well.

That wouldn't land well if somebody did that to me. It just takes some mindful, intentional thought processes of, I will monitor my mouth. I will think before I speak. As a matter of fact, I'm going to be speaking on that. I'll be speaking the rest of this week at a big conference.

One of my topics is on words, the power of words and what our words do and how we want them to land in the right place. I had to think about that. In the end, I stopped and I literally thought, you know what, I got to clean the dishes anyway because there's mine and their dad's and my son and his daughter-in-law who were living with me for a few days during the move.

It's like that. The big thing I kept reminding myself of, Chris, is there's life happening in this home. Yes, there's dog smudges all over my windows because we have their dog. There's dishes and cups and mess.

There will be a day when the house is perfectly tidy. It'll also mean that life isn't happening. If your daughter wants to come back, I've seen our rabbit trails, but if your daughter does decide because she's so precious, you may want to find a way, an activity, a habit or something that keeps you from saying in the mind, out the mouth and remembering that this really is just a short season and she's going to be, God willing, married or with children or maybe in another location practicing her vocation. We kind of rabbit trailed on that one, but this is such an important topic. I get calls and emails and direct messages constantly from families saying this crisis has happened.

It's usually a conflict, a word that was spoken, an attitude, an appreciation. How do we handle that? All I just keep coming back to, doing life together is messy. It's hard, but the alternative is not having a relationship and not having those check-ins and those calls and those conversations that we can have, and we can have those. Our feelings will get hurt.

They just do because we're human, but how we respond and react is a choice that we make. I always just say, I have to model how Jesus would behave. I have to model how Jesus would love and how he loves me and how many times I say and do the wrong things, constantly, every day. I just have to confess and he is faithful. There's something I say, Chris, okay, I know you're taking notes and we've got to end. When we are in the midst of all of this and something does happen and there is a, hey, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to do that, you know, here's my saying, forgiveness requested, forgiveness granted. When they do something or when we do something and the simple, I'm sorry, forgive me, I didn't mean to do that, we forgive me, I didn't mean to do that, no problem, and we do exactly what Jesus does, we let it go, we accept it and we let it go. That's such great advice, Connie, and that's something I've had to learn is, you know, even though conflicts come up, it's not worth, as you mentioned a while ago, blowing up over something and then not having your kid pay you back. You know, we've got to realize that these things aren't that big in a big scheme of things in life and we need to control what we say and what we do. Let's take a quick break there and we'll come back and finish up the show.

We're going to circle back to where you started and I took this away from it. Leaving a legacy and talking about a legacy for a very good kid, it's really like that. A brand is a design, name, symbol, or any other feature that sets an organization or individual apart. Bringing that brand to life can be difficult, but Diggs Design is here to help you take that next step or re-energize your current situation.

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Check out the College at Mid-America and Mid-America Baptist Theological Seminary at mabts.edu and be equipped to light the way. This show is brought to you by Generous Joe's, the coffee company with the Christian perspective. This is the answer that Christians and conservatives have been looking for, a coffee company that gives back to causes you care about.

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You're not alone. I'm Connie Alpers, author of Parenting Beyond the Rules and host of Equipped to Be. As a mother of five, I understand your struggles. For 35 years, I have been helping families just like yours build lasting relationships.

I'd like to invite you to tune in to Equipped to Be and visit conniealpers.com where I share useful tips and proven strategies to help you navigate the seasons of motherhood, faith, and life with confidence and joy. The United States of America has a strong Christian heritage, but most Americans don't know the truly important role that God in the Bible played in the founding of this great nation. This June, join nationally syndicated radio host and founder of the Citizens for America Foundation, Dr. Chris Hughes, for four amazing days in our nation's capital. With Chris, you'll embark on a journey of discovering the hidden secrets of Washington, D.C. and rediscover much of America's forgotten Christian heritage. Your tour will include an up-close and personal look at the nation's establishment and how it's evolved over the centuries. Learn about the government and the men who helped forge this new kind of republic, one that acknowledged the Creator from its very inception. Know the truth about the creation of the United States of America, about the faith of the founding fathers and how Christian principles were used to establish this form of government. Visit citizensforamericafoundation.com today and secure your spot to join Chris Hughes in Washington, D.C. this June. Welcome back to Christian Perspective. Connie Albers is here with me today and we're talking about all kinds of different things and I know it's got to be so frustrating with Connie because she is so focused and she has a mission but she comes on our show and I'm just all over the place because I just she says things my life my mind is traveling as the thing that has happened in my life and and I literally I hope y'all do this I take notes I'm looking forward to Fridays with Connie and we have Family Fridays and I take notes and I hope that you do the same and and if you listen here on your favorite radio station every day and maybe you miss part of the show when Connie's on or other shows as well they're released every afternoon as a podcast and so you can just search the Christian Perspective with Chris Hughes and the podcast will pop up but I also want to plug Connie releases if you go to conniealbers.com you can also see Connie's book and she'll soon have a new one coming out but you can also get her podcast it's released every Wednesday so I encourage you go to conniealbers.com I'm sorry I pulled that enough but Connie's podcasts are incredible and they're such great parenting tips that Connie gives every week and Connie I just appreciate all that you share I was thinking a while ago to give us the rabbit trail they were getting back on focus and I'll behave and get back to what you're about I was thinking about when we're talking about our kids living with us and you were talking about the dishes that your son left just last night so I had an event yesterday Citizens for America co-hosted Vice President Pence at an event and I was out of town and my wife is out of town right now my son is at his internship that I mentioned in town so it's just my daughter and me and her dog and when I got home she had picked supper for me and she has in our house we kind of have like a supper where we live in the mountains everybody has basement so you don't really have that in Florida Connie there's a water table but here people have basement so it's a standalone home down there so she had me usually when she's good for me certainly before but usually we eat at my house and the dishes are left at my house but she had me eat for the first time as a guest in her house and that was just a special night for me it has nothing to do with the show I was just talking about where you're talking but you so let's get back to where we started in the beginning we're supposed to talk about for an hour is is the legacy of your new grandson so what are some things that you and Tom talked about you know things can be different now that you have this grandson and you made plans for him how are things going to be different wow you know it's so new I I can honestly tell you I don't know it's it's something we are eager for we want to be supportive of of my son and daughter-in-law we want to let them know that we are pretty unoffendable I mean there's there's some great books a friend of mine wrote a book called undefendable not to you know plug his book but Brent Hanson is a radio personality I think you may have known him you may know him Chris but he's a phenomenal man and I met him at when I was a leadership coach and he wrote this book called unoffendable and it just resonated with me and I thought that's how we're supposed to to live and I want my I want my son and my daughter-in-law to know we're we're going to be pretty unoffendable yes our feelings might get hurt if you don't do this or do that but I'm gonna we're gonna give them the benefit of the doubt so what would I what would I say um always take your kids your adult kids always take them back to scripture if there's a conflict take them back to scripture go to them and and talk about it or be willing to talk about it don't don't play victim don't make yourself you know don't create drama don't guilt don't shame you're going to have expectations of what this is supposed to look like I sure do you know I envision you know just grabbing that baby and hugging and loving and doing all the things that a grandma gets to do but I have to manage my expectations and I have to be very considerate they're going to stand before the Lord and answer for how they raise their son I am to be a support I am to be an encouragement I need to pray for pray over and pray with them I before we left the house that night just not too long ago she was exhausted the contractions were getting stronger and I just looked at my I looked at Tom and I said I think we just need to pray we gathered in a circle just the four of us and held hands and we just prayed we prayed over his life we prayed over them and and I'm constantly sending them text messages we love you we're so proud of you we know that your life has changed you're going to have some sleepless nights but there's nothing sweeter than the joy of being able to cuddle and love that little one and those are the important things those are the things that when they're fatigued and tired they're going to pull up those text messages those cards that meal we set up a meal train within just my tummy just my family's kind of us so we set up a meal train so that we can keep food coming to them for a few weeks and they know they're loved on and they know if at all possible if there's a need we're going to be there like you were for your son so my expectations are are to be careful not to have unrealistic expectations I don't they're kind and gracious and we're kind and gracious and I believe that's the beauty of family and that can be the beauty of family but we do have to be careful of what we say because if we're not careful one word not dealt with properly that is misspoken or because you're tired or your feelings get hurt one word Chris can cause a cascade where the enemy gets in and creates a roof and and we don't want that to happen so we're going to be prayerful and mindful and communicative and like I said encouraging them letting them know go to the Lord go to the Lord it's what you do yeah and I think all the listeners every one of us has had a situation where we've said or done something with family members that we wish we couldn't and it hadn't done you know and and sometimes it's very very difficult it takes years for healing so we need to be so careful with our words and I can imagine kind of so I'm looking forward to following your path here because something I struggle with is and you know I don't have any great kids hopefully coming for any time soon but I do look forward to the day when we have them but you know what is the delicate balance of you know your their private space as kids having their own child and you know how much how much do we interject ourselves and you're blessed because your family is in the same town you know when you all live together and you do life together all the time but that's something I've started thinking Vicki and I've talked about you know chances are because my daughter's in the Air Force you know so when she has children she'll be somewhere else or do we you know I certainly want to be there when her children are born but you know how long do you stay you know do you stay in a hotel these are the things I think about you know do you rather than stay in their house because I also think it's important it's kind of a fine line you know do they want you to have to stay in the house would it be better stay in a hotel little things we could do a whole show on but those are the kind of things I've already started thinking about because you having a grandchild has brought that to my mind of when my day will come you know yeah well her parents live across the country were they able to make it here no no her parents are in I mean I live in Florida we live in Florida and her family lives in Washington state and I imagine that was heart-wrenching for them I mean thanks to technology they were able to face time but yeah and there's a fine line that we have to cross that we have to navigate between you know there's not competition it's we we need to be for them like a team and not not use little tally marks as to who gets more time or who gets what first or you know things like that so yeah those are this is going to be fun I appreciate you celebrating with me we're in uncharted territory but I'm eager to see how God moves I just remember when we had particularly our first you know people came to visit I was very this is going to kind of sound weird I mean I was very grateful for everybody that came to visit we didn't you know we were out of town then because Vicky was in the Air Force so anyone that did come to see us it was very much appreciated but on the other hand we also so it was a delicate balance pie and that you know I knew other people wanted to see our kids and be with us and celebrate but we also needed time where it was just the three of us too and it was really kind of a delicate balance you know how do we we want to include everybody that wants to see him and grandparents but y'all please give us just an hour you think we're I could hold my child you know that kind of thing so maybe other people don't experience that that was so I've been trying to figure out how to make that balance whether it won't come when our time comes maybe our next segment will be how I failed in the balance I don't know I can't imagine that you and John fell within anything y'all oh my goodness y'all are good I could feel like the rest of our year I'm stealing another idea from you today so Vicky and I have been planning kind of remodeling things in our house for when we have grandkids but we did not talk about the infant stage and I don't know how we let that pass Connie I love the idea that you've built a nursery in your house so now and I've already gotten places you said that a while ago so my daughter's fixed and you know moved to go to medical school and and so I think I know Vicky probably won't agree with me but I fit the bedroom to set the room and clean out that room and I was already thinking oh I can put a radio studio in the house uh in that room but no now I'm thinking that needs to be a baby nursery and I'm not buying that so you put that out there today well there you go I don't know it's gonna be a ball I just you know and I know we don't often talk politics on our segment but we certainly talk politics in our family a lot and it is it is fun it's just another layer of what makes our family close and and tick and and relate to each other and so I will say is I know we're running out of time but it is beautiful we had a text thread and we get we get this hey we're on our way to the hospital and you know there's a lot of people in our thread our you know there's 10 of us and then we get the announcement and you know all the gifts are hilarious you know and then oh I'm an auntie and who's going to be called what and and Chris as we think as we close this segment out and we think about generations and legacy it's not we're building a legacy for ourselves we're building a legacy for the Lord that our children will be light in a dark place and in order to be light in a dark place they need a strong support they need a strong team and they need to know that their family has their back I just want you to know we're praying for y'all we're so excited I've just been waiting for this for weeks and maybe maybe I could be like a step-uncle or something I can't wait to meet your new grandpa and Vicki and I have been so excited praying for y'all we gotta run but God bless you thank you for what you're doing y'all please go to ConnieAlbert.com check out her podcast give her book because that will help you be better equipped to be a parent better equipped you to impact the culture for Jesus thank you for listening the Christian perspective with Chris Hughes learn more about impacting the culture for Jesus visit citizensforamericafoundation.com this is the Truth Network
Whisper: medium.en / 2023-04-09 08:32:20 / 2023-04-09 08:55:04 / 23

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