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July 21, 2021 5:00 am
No one tells you what to expect.
Your 9 year old that loves school suddenly takes 3 hours to get math done. Don't even ask about everything else.
The 11 year old that loves to run errands now can t remember the one thing you told them to bring you long enough to get out of the room.
And the 13 year old...
Change your shirt before you leave, you tell your son, but he explodes.
You don't care about me! This is my favorite shirt! You're always criticizing me!
Or, you walk in to find your daughter sobbing and ask, What s wrong, honey?
I don t know! she wails.
They climb on an emotional rollercoaster and invite you to join them.
Don t get a ticket for that ride.
A TIME OF TRANSITION
What s happening? They re changing! The tweens or preteens, whatever you want to call it ,are the beginning of the transition to adulthood.
Hormones are flowing. Things are changing. Emotions are high.
School is a struggle, all of a sudden.
And spiritual questions pop up where there were none before.
THE STAKES ARE HIGH
Most parent-child relationships are broken during the tween years. When they are, the teens often just get worse and worse.
If you can get through the preteen years with your relationship intact, though, the teen years tend to get better and better.
Lay a foundation to make the teen years great!
Practical help. Real encouragement. Just what you need to cope with emotional meltdowns, motivate them to get school done, answer their spiritual questions, and most of all, protect your relationship with your eight to fourteen year olds.
No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope
Hal and Melanie Young, authors of Raising Real Men and My Beloved and My Friend, both awarded Christian Small Publishers Book of the Year, are your guides on this challenging journey through these critical years of parenting...so that the years to come get better and better.
Wonderfully, a lot of times he gives people pressure to write a book after there's a story. And so we have with us Hal and Melanie Young names I can pronounce Joy Geraghty and so it if you guys can tell me in a nutshell, and I don't care which one kind of what what what started all this. You guys wrote three books you this last book no longer little from understand it it one what award can you, when the old schoolhouse magazine Best parenting resource of the year. There you go. Best parenting resource of your no longer little so there's huge stuff, but how did it all started, but it got I got a with her what you did.
First was he gave us six boys of the rope and back from the accident years ago I litigated prayer and the subject several years ago local group started asking us God. Could you could give us some insights into being up.
How do you teach all these boys at home and going crazy with one minute time and we started talking about that. People start asking us to recommend a resource and that led to us writing raising real men will raise your own man launched is in the ministry been speaking and writing for 10 years now, but what we noticed is that probably 80 or more percent of the questions that we got started with. I have this 11-year-old and eight say I don't know what it did. They changed the nine-year-old or 13-year-old. It was between preteen years Cindy providing the vast majority parental roles and we realized that there were there was really anything to address that outfit is people talking about everything. I think the cause. What we see.
Talking thousands of parents over the years is that if you can get out of the preteen years with your relationship intact. The teen years to get better and better for an awful lot of families along the street to break the relationship with her younger two kids were there in the middle school years with her.
Frankly, a little bit crazy in the head with it.
If you don't understand what's going on and how much how much you can hold those kids responsible and how much you have to just get grace if he can't balance that out. It's very easy to stream or damage the relationship and that and then if you don't have the trust respected place.
The teen years become really rough. So second Corinthians chapter 1 says God will comfort us comfort and comfort others with the comfort that he comforted us with. That's right so I'm guessing that all your six boys were like the perfect picture of what there was little bit along the way that that gave you opportunities and insight tell you preteen years are difficult, they were difficult with all of the hours when our oldest hit that age I thought. What is the alien get out there was no help it like they climb the emotional roller coaster and then invite you to join them and you just can't get a ticket for that ride. If you have an emotional roller coaster with disaster and we had to learn that our parenting had to change the way that we interact.
I'm guessing God was. Oh yeah and you kinda take me back to where I don't know what I'm doing God that insight that picture I see you really for us it was, it was very slow awakening because when our oldest hit this time frame. It's it's a fixed period of transition, and when he had it. We were so unprepared for what we saw no he was a very precocious student suddenly it's like his brain with soft know it. Suddenly mass was something that he just did intuitively know it took them three hours to through a single lesson. You know in suddenly just fall asking you get the car keys and 45 and later at St. son son map where the car case 00 khakis is that what it was where they business before you yeah okay I'll look again. It was like whatever happens are precocious, compliance is super smart young man, he suddenly was like he was a different preacher and we had we really, I think we come little through with him, really – but it was like after when the third one hit it. The third boy. It was appointment there is a pattern here seen this before you seen this before, and we started to dig more than what are we saying and realize you know what this is a purity thing this is. You need to talk about because philosophy was art blessed with a bunch of kids to figure it out and out we start looking at research what's going on in their bodies and brains and then how do we apply the word of God to what we know about what's going on so that we can get through this time. Discipling them and pointing to Christ. Having relations award God and of the think the past is we keep coming back to his first written 13 possibles as well as a child I thought as a child, I spoke to Charla reasoned as a child when I became a man I put away childish things. So there was not enough I thought the reason he spoke the child, and then I became an adolescent teenager and they put us in the back of the synagogue, so we did get people's way. We have a team rabbi that took your they don't have this holding pattern in Scripture we see there's childhood there's adulthood uses in Scripture. When you see use reference to also see things like Goliath was a warrior from his youth he was in the orbit you see you see Solomon praying more. I'm just a little child I cannot see was already a king. You see things like you see a transitional. There which is referred to as you sometimes young uses just a little bit of childhood.
Overuse is practically impenetrable.
We realized that with his teen years are for kids. We gotta be making a transition from one of the kids to reconsider your now young adult still needs a lot of training and mentorship before we turn you loose our parenting has to transition from the way that we care a 70 only to parent a 17-year-old the same way. A seven-year-old that we need to be preparing them for Christian adulthood in the way we do that is, it has to become a time of discipline instead of to what I say because I said so, which is totally appropriate. Seven.
Starting in the preteen to has to become sick.
Tell us talk about this. Tell me what you're thinking and invest in the relationship listen to them here than out because the word of God tells us that that we should be slow to speak right should listen first and then taking them to the word of God and saying I hear what you saying and I understand why you're upset about the word of God says, and we have to be subject to the word of God, even when it's hard it doesn't give you initial reward that you will have to do what it says because God created us and we do it that way we can get a lot willing to listen because if I go straight to discipline with 11 I say son don't you need any did not do that you are speaking disrespectfully to me you're not going to go to that church fellowship tonight is true you can handle the truth that the problem won't go anywhere I can take away your eye path will usually get to pretend anyway that was good health. You're grounded for a week care grandly from the street on the solar front row line and rational.
You can if we just tried to discipline their rational work really say hey let's talk and we invest in a relationship first because it will explain the trait that we had kids at that point set essay. I'm sorry son have to punish you because you are disrespectful.
We had a child say no you're right mom, what we need to do totally different. That's not right for parents and you know the disrespectfully that's a common trait.
Teenagers and a lot of times I feel that what I had to do was rest react so often minute the way that you spoke to me came across very disrespectful day.
Now if you have to challenge authority boss Prof., the pastor, whatever. There are ways to bring up a challenge to ask questions. Let's talk about is that what you are trying to do is trying to do to show disrespect to deal with that. But I want you to understand how to do this because one day raise a question.
Was like just what is one-sided and you may fire you that afternoon. If you come across the wrong ones. I will make sure that you have the skills to communicate as a grown man. One day, you know, and invest when you're moving into the coaching relationship. That's one of things I'm looking forward to their 18, 20, 22 of them being adults stand on their own. Make discerning choices. They're not going to know how to discern if we haven't given practice. If we have a coach them come along side of the site. This is how you take principles of the word of God and apply them in the 21st century and that's something that you don't do on their 18th birthday.
We have five adult children. By the way I understand what happened. Interestingly, one of the first is I did many pros. When I first started doing this was with a couple of young man. My wish I could make the road a book abominably popular. It was called do hard things that, but and in their preceptors along the lines of what you're talking about. They had come upon the selves that in order to just because you 12 you're 13 years old doesn't mean that you go you will not do something. Adults are made and when you when I was I was thinking about David took on the live just a kid at. And certainly when Mary had Jesus name. She wasn't in her 30s right.
She was young.
You know that she was engaged by granddaughters you know that's and so they they were doing a really hard things and obviously God equips them to do harder things and we are requiring of it on I was just an overall thought about what you guys are doing. Unfortunately, as I would like to correct on the book is no longer little pallid melody you could get on you can get on Amazon or at bookstores email@example.com so what's he did it all means get it on Amazon to go back and rate it didn't tell them what you think some feedback.
What a courageous thing you guys are doing. Put yourself out there helping raise kids spectacles