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Self-Centeredness

Summit Life / J.D. Greear
The Truth Network Radio
March 3, 2020 9:00 am

Self-Centeredness

Summit Life / J.D. Greear

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March 3, 2020 9:00 am

No matter how you slice it, the divorce rates in America today are shocking. Even couples who manage to stay together often find that their relationship has become distant, loveless, and unfulfilling. The flame that started out so bright has burned down to a flicker. Despite all this, the media continues to paint marriage as the key to happiness and wholeness. So what are we missing? As he continues our series Home Wreckers, Pastor J.D. describes one central issue that breaks down friendships and marriages–and how to cure it.

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Katie Greer Christian marriage is recognizing the unmerited favor that God has shown to you in Christ and showing that same type of unmerited favor to your spouse is a woman espoused underserved by service. Of course I don't. That's the points. You didn't deserve different Christ life with Molly that events you know no matter how you slice it, the divorce rate in America today is shocking.

Even couples who managed to stay together often find that their relationships become distant, loveless and unfulfilling. We continue to hear that marriage is the key to happiness and wholeness. So what are we missing today pastor JD talks about one central issue that can break down any relationship, friendships, and marriages alike. Also, don't forget to stick around until the end of our program.

We have a great resource that your church will want to benefit from now.

Let's join Pastor JD for today's message. He titled self-centeredness last week and we are looking at the things that the Bible points to the Corona relationships and destroy our homes.

Now you know that my preferred style teaching you just justify the book of the Bible and kind of walk you through it we been doing in this series we thought would be good to take a few weeks to pull back a little bit and doing as were studying some core biblical principles and then applying them specifically to the whole. This weekend we are going to look at something that absolutely destroys marriages absolutely destroys marriages one marriage counselor I was reading, said that this was the issue behind most all the other issues in marriage by the way, as I do every week I'm going to apply this a lot to marriage, but you're gonna see that this really applies to any relationship that your ear could not marry but turned out they would have something to do with me because these are core biblical principles were to look at and apply one area and you will see how they apply just in any relationship that you buy and sell bit. This particular homewrecker is really deceptive because it tells you that unless you are this way you're never going to be taking care of. I'm talking about self centeredness self-centeredness. The idea that you need to look out for yourself that you need to think first and foremost about your needs and what you need what you deserve, because if you don't look out for your interest in your needs, then who's going to write. We are all naturally self-centered it comes to us as naturally as breathing pretty when you look at a group photo. It was the first person you look for you and you determine whether or not the pictures. A good picture solely on the basis of how you will get a picture.

What else could look like an idiot but you look good, that's a great picture were just naturally self-centered over anything about her life. The first person they were concerned about is our own because, again, if you don't look out for your needs. Who else will. This is like the law of the universe.

Every organism has to look out first for itself. It's what we call survival of the fittest to try to show you that what may come instinctively to you else marriage.

One of the books I was reading, said that self-centeredness might be the foundational problem in most, if not every marriage. It certainly has been in mind Veronica is so self-centered I'm getting so soon. This is one of those things that you really usually have a hard time seeing yourself but everybody else can see plainly about you right if you're married, turn your spouse right now and say do I need to listen to this message.

They are nodding their head before I ever got the question out of my mouth if your spouse will write you a note that you told me to listen to this ignore the potential but otherwise you need to hear this, my wife found out that I was preaching a sermon on self-centeredness and she said did not like representative later doing a sermon on modesty so probably my life has been very free, very self-centered. There two things are really broken. The streak of self-centeredness in me.

Or at least have begun the process of breaking the street self-centeredness versus having kids when you have kids, you're forced to start thinking about somebody else when you get married, you're supposed to start thinking about somebody else but when I got married I was like, instead of one person to think about me all the time now that you people think about me all the time but when you have kids, it just doesn't work that way because that kid comes on the moon. He's not crying about your needs and how is about to wreck your life. He is crying about his own needs but I remember the first three or four years after we had our first child and how tired I would be after a vacation and just to be totally up front with you. I was mad about how we come back from vacation's angry because unlike vacations are about. I'm supposed to unplug the relaxed and rejuvenated come back refreshed but more tired when I left many just don't know me at five, four years after we took our vacation ever having to these vacations are not about me anymore.

They're entirely about the kids think of it now is if I ever come back from a vacation less tired than when I left for vacation I need to repent, because I did not serve my family the way that God has called me to serve my family. When he went when we went did you get rest.

I don't know. I don't know. I did play a restaurant that I think which vacation this year might be sooner rather than later, but it's just not how you can't think that way. But what I found was the most beautiful thing found that when I made that decision that vacations were no longer about me that they were about serving my children also begin to enjoy them again because of something that Jesus taught. Your Tennessean is more blessed to give than to receive. But the law of the universe, maybe survival of the fittest with the law of God is that others first by giving to others about poor yourself out for the that's where you can enjoy just the second thing that has taught me broken the streak of self-centeredness or begun to Annette is the gospel, which is what were going to look at more deeply. Today I want to try to show you how the gospel cures self-centeredness right would be separate to verse one.

Start the Philippians by the way, are not getting along. That's the context of this letter to Paul is saying this next passage to them about their dysfunctional relationships not talking directly about marriage which will see how it applies. Philippians 21. So if there is any encouragement in Christ. Any comfort from love any participation in the spirit any affection and sympathy in Christ. In other words, if you have any concept at all of how God has treated you in Christ and the grace that he shown you in Christ that I want you verse two to complete my joy by being of the same mind by having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. You see, where he starts with Christ. The secret to living in right relationships is being in Christ apart from Christ, we are comparable, and we are destructive relationships because we had this clingy sense of neediness and fear that causes us to manipulate and to use people fully been talking about for the past few weeks, but Christ releases you from that because in Christ.

A lot of the deep insecurities and fears of your soul or address the little phrase and start teaching you that if you take notes and encourage you to write down is this in Christ you can give up all you have. Because in Christ you have everything you need in Christ you can give up all you have. You can do without. You can be neglected because in Christ you have everything you need. I can be poor on earth because I'm rich in him. I can be overlooked on earth because I'm cherished by him. I can be nobody in your eyes because I'm somebody in his in Christ you give up all you have let global you have or do without all, you deserve is in Christ you have everything you need is only in Christ. Did you ever develop the attitude to be the servants because only in Christ we had the satisfaction and security that will enable you to be able to take your eyes off of yourself. Verse three. So he says do nothing from rivalry rivalries, competition competition were always competing to make sure that our needs are met.

There were getting the recognition we deserve better marriage, always keeping score in marriage or may not, rivalry keeping score, like okay here's how much I serve you how much abuse of me hears only wrongs you done to me this is my scorecard it's it's rivalry or nothing from rivalry or next word conceits conceit is action a great translation there. This is one of the places where the old King Jimmy get the right by the old King James Ward if you got one of those that do nothing from rivalry or vainglory that is a literal transliteration of the Greek word tendo Delsea useless glory. Do nothing out of this useless sense that you need to get glory or recognition from your NRK spouse do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourself. Humility. What do you deserve what you deserve. Hell, that's right.

Write this down what you think about it this week right I am unworthy of any of the law that my spouse gives me I am unworthy of any of the love that my spouse gives me. I'm not saying they're not wrong for not giving it. I'm just saying that when it comes to your understanding of what you deserve. You understand that what you deserve is Helen anything beyond that is grace united here that on Oprah, but this is the foundation of joint Christian marriage right there it went in humility. You realize how much of your life is grace. Then you start to think less about what you deserve, and you start to count the needs of others to be more significant than yourselves. Why, why, because that's what Christ did for you Christ who was worried he became sin for you so that you can be saved and just like he gave you what you did not deserve. You begin to give to others what they did not deserve. You tell them to be more significant than you, not because they are more significant than you because I thought Christ or did you was significant and treated you the insignificant significance now you three people were equally to use more to write a letter verse four. Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interest of others. Why why because of Christ first one so if there is any encouragement in Christ any comfort from his love any participation in the spirit that he gave you any affection and sympathy in Jesus are those things in Christ, yes. So if there is any verse five have this mind among yourselves, which was yours in Christ Jesus. Think about what Christ was for you and run our church. You herby recount that first couple years of our marriage were pretty rough and after the second year we went to see a counselor, my wife and I sat there would be in the rehearsal for the counselor all the ways that that she had disappointed me and she would tell him all the ways that I disappointed her. Never forget how the counselor looked at me just drop something like a bombshell on me is the reason that you guys have such a hard time with each other. Evidently neither of you has any concept of how much God is forgiving you love to talk a little phrase that I've taught you a bazillion times and will probably repeat another bazillion times and that is first center. Second, send against in my marriage. I'm first center and I'm second send against which means that I will never be asked to forgive Veronica of anything that compares what God has forgiven me of when I have my mind around how great the grace God, how great is the grace that God showed me then forgiving my wife becomes actually very easy to me because I realize how much I've been forgiven up center first first center check and send against you.

A variation of that phrase that I think Paul's went after here first-served Second Circuit, first-served.

Second, servants on the last night of his life on earth. Jesus got his disciples together and pulled out a washbasin and towel started to wash their dirty grimy feet was the role of a servant. Many said then this is the role that your lord and master, and take it with you if I'm that way with you. This is the attitude you should have at each other, wash each other's feet Jesus, who had the highest place in the universe voluntarily took the lower place and it wouldn't stop there.

Of course he would go on to bear in his body.

The price for their sins, and to be punished for them and when you see that when you really see that the Lord of the universe became a servant for you that changes your posture and marriage, and you begin to assume that with your spouse, your really good definition of Christian marriage. Nothing Christian marriage.

Recognizing the unmerited favor God has shown to you in Christ and showing that same type of unmerited favor to your spouse reset again. Christian marriage is recognizing the unmerited favor that God has shown to you in Christ and showing that same type of unmerited favor to your spouse is and will my spouse doesn't deserve my service. Of course I don't. That's the point.

You didn't deserve it from Christ either notice verse three just got the word count count. Kate tells the same, word Paul uses we talked about how God sees us in Christ God sees us in Christ as righteous even though in reality were not righteous.

He reckons us as righteous. He say I want you to tell them I want you to reckon them more significant than you, not because in reality they are more worthy of significant than you because that's how Christ treated you use it well if I serve them know don't just take it to me so your secure enough in Christ to house my take advantage of you Jesus was about to watch Judas's feet.

Judas who was going to betray him. He said no I don't punish them.

Don't know never change. That's how the world thinks. But that's not how Jesus thinks, how did Jesus change us, that he change us by punishing us for our sin. Thank God no, Jesus changed us by giving us grace when we deserve punishment the world thinks about you write this down to be a lot about them at the beginning here world as you change the punishment God says you change the grace the world says you change the punishment God says you change unmerited favor. The way that God changed you become the very way that you begin to serve you change your spouse minutes exactly what Paul meant when he said that you wash your walking washer wives with the water of the word is you wash them with forgiveness because that is what makes them clean in God's sight is like look like in action. What is that you look like in action and marriage. How do we verse four look not only to our own interest, but also the interest of others in their how would you be free things that I believe we serve one another in Emirates there number one. The roles that we play with each other and secondly I'm going to talk about how we love one another on their terms. And then third talk about sex writing we serve our spouse number one and playing the role God has given us to play in marriage. We serve our spouse by playing the role God has given us to play in mirrored husbands and wives are given roles in marriage that are supposed to serve one another through words to remember Reading husbands serve wives submit is a mutually serving relationship is all outlined in Ephesians 522 verse 33 Paul says in Ephesians 525 husbands, love your wives like Christ loved the church.

Verse 24 to the wives now as the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Which one will talk about first return to the neighbor and say thank you for a pastor who's not afraid to teach us the part of the word of God that are unpopular and we think that okay say this because I love you guys, this is not Ror church right here in the study of eggs is very important to utilize first and hang on.

If you disagree with me on this. Just hang on lease going to get through this. Just hang on for coming to sex okay you first wives submit submit is actually very strong word in Greek that your military term and marriage. It means that God is given the man. The point position.

The responsibility for the direction and the spiritual protection of the family guys this is an enormous weight. My wife always says that she feels like she got the easy part, which didn't agree with her because the easier role, the Disciples of Christ said the disciples did because Christ was going to die for their sins. That's what his service of them was going to be like guys a bit to show you this more in a minute but this is never a license to dominate your wife or do whatever you want to do it. I would say like this is not a license to do what you want to do its empowerment to do what your auditor the girls. What this means is that when the decision is supposed to be made. He's been given the call and making it so I don't agree with that. He's not smarter than me, he's not wiser than me.

I didn't say that could put words in my mouth right this is just the way that you serve God and serve him in the relationship. I'm a comeback I'm saying about you guys for boots, love your wives like Christ loved the church, which means you serve them like Christ serve the church. Christ was not a boss of the church around asking where's dinner wasn't rub his feet and leave them alone on the night before he died. He was washing their feet. Talk about having a big day ahead of him you thought you were ever a time when you could excuse taking the night off like a die for the sins of the world more like I deserve a night off before I go die for the sins of the world.

But no, even in that hour, he was washing their seats. CS Lewis said that the crown them anywhere in a relationship is first and foremost a crown of thorns when they construed prodigal for you guys. My wife is supposed to submit to me. Yes, but my leadership of her is supposed to be service to which means that I need to lose about 90% of the fights that we have which I do okay. That means that she gets. She chooses colors to choose a style she chooses cars, movies we go to restaurants we frequent frequent because my leadership of her is service to her know the Scripture say there was some decision. These be made and we can come to consensus that then the burden lies on me to make a call about what I think is best for the family and that she needs to submit to me and that there are some times that I say to her. Yes, honey, I love yes I understand this unconcerned about that to but I just really feel like this is the direction that we need to go guys, I'll tell you this I make it much easier for her to follow me in that 10% if she sees me solving her and the other 90% is not licensed to do what you want to do its empowerment to do what you wanted to use it well. Just don't agree with that will humbly speaking you need to decide who was Lord in your life. If your attitude toward the Bible is that you take the parts of the Bible you like and you leave the parts that you don't you might really need to consider. Who's really in charge for some of you your problem and this has less to do with submitting a marriage, and more to do with submitting to Jesus, which is why you feel the freedom to take the part of his word that you like and discard the parts that you don't that's your attitude toward the Bible and Jesus might be your advisor, but he is certainly not your Lord is what why can't we work on the principle of consensus. Yes, of course, guys, you should work on the principle of consensus. If you make decisions without the full counsel of your wife. You are a moron.

Rarely do I go against my wife's counsel is only when I feel restrained by conscience or conviction go against her girls is not submission. When you only follow him. When you're in full agreement that's not submission agreement.

Submission implies disagreement to selfless service, dealing with early morning light, any part of today's message. You can hear it again online JD Greer.com JD last week were offering our new resource containing stories from you, but also from some other faithful members of our church here in North Carolina right you know, so notify my best stories are best for me telling somebody else's story so this little book or put now, along with a series called hidden graces a surprising story that led to a dying church's revitalization hi Jill, if you are the stories, but for a few of them. We just thought it be better for for the person who was right up close to its taxi tell you that story is you can hear stories of sacrifice and struggle and discouragement and overcoming obstacles and audacious bathe and even overcoming racial prejudice vicious is. It's amazing, inspiring story of how God took a very ordinary, declining, plateaued, sleepy little Baptist Church and how God brought revitalization that transform the church of 300 or so into a church of more than 12,000 today. Size doesn't approve anything about success by the means, but what you see is that is the evidence of God's spirit beginning to use willing vessel. I think it will not only encourage you that it may help you understand a little bit more to the context behind some of the preaching that I do here on Summit life and also inspire you to dream great things for the church. God made you a part of. I know a lot of listeners and a lot of you are discouraged because maybe you're just not in the church we see God moving. This will show you not only that the spirit of God can bring revitalization, but it's a testimony to how he can do as well.

I love the put that in your hands with a give it to you.

If your child doesn't JD Greer.com and just be part of supporting this ministry help to stay on the air in places where the gospel is not that well known, then we will put this this book in your hands and again I think I will make you a credit available at this new button containing the stories of revitalization can't be found anywhere else. Martin produced especially for you. Every church is founded for the same purpose and for Jesus's promise in Matthew 1618 says I will build my church and the gates of hell will not overcoming the apostles planted their first church in the soil of these premises and every church since then has inherited.

I encourage you to read more about our story here in Raleigh Durham. In this new book written by those who lived in the stories in our church. Our journey wasn't easy or short, is a beautiful testimony to God's faithfulness and time like that comes with our thanks when you donate to support this ministry for hidden great surprising stories that led to a dying church's revitalization when you get today by calling eight 335-5228 635 20 easier online.

JD Greer. I'm your host Molly joined again tomorrow.

Writing will help Wednesday on


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