Loving Your Enemies

Today on Summit Life with J.D.

Greer. The other cheek means, watch this, I'm actually confronting you about what you did. I'm saying you insulted this relationship and you and I can't have a relationship if you keep doing that. But I'm willing to not repay you evil for evil and I'm going to instead turn to you the cheek of a new relationship.

It's another cheek. And I'm saying we can't. I'm not going to pay you back for that. Welcome back to Summit Life with Pastor J.D. Greer. I'm your host, Molly Vitovich. Today we're going to learn about a difficult kind of love. So we'll start by asking ourselves this question.

How do we normally respond when someone treats us unfairly or disappoints us? We can all probably quote verses from the Bible about what gospel love is supposed to look like, but it's often difficult to show that kind of love to our enemies, especially when we feel wronged. Today Pastor J.D. gives us four ways to overcome evil with good and remembering how Jesus has loved us will give us confidence in our love of others.

Let's get right to it. Here's Pastor J.D. Romans chapter 12. You got your Bible, take it back out. Hope you've already got it out. Remember, if you remember, we have rounded the corner of the book of Romans and we have moved from gospel instruction to gospel application. Here is your nerdy statement for the weekend.

Here it is. In the book of Romans, gospel imperatives always grow out of gospel indicative. Now, you haven't been in an English class in a while and you're like, I don't know what half those words mean. Imperative means what you're supposed to do. Gospel imperatives grow out of gospel indicative.

Indicative is a statement of declaration on what God has done. In the book of Romans, what you are supposed to do arises out of your transformation in the awareness of what God has done. Or the way we say it around here sometimes is the fire to do in the Christian life comes from being soaked in the fuel of what has been done. And so for 11 chapters in the book of Romans, Paul has outlined the gospel for you and he's taking you deep into the gospel. And now he has turned the corner to, for five chapters, explain to you what that ought to indicate, what that ought to mean and how you treat each other. He starts in chapter 12 with our relationships inside the church. Now in verse 14, he's turning the corner to the relationships outside the church. Or you might think of it like this. Verses nine through 13 of chapter 12 are about how we treat our friends.

Looked at those a couple of weeks ago. Verses 14 through 21 are about how we treat our enemies or at least people with whom we are in conflict. So the question for the weekend is this, how do you react when somebody disappoints you or lets you down or treats you unfairly? Would you consider yourself more of a fight person or a flight person? They say you kind of fall into one of these two categories. Just out of curiosity, how many of you would say I'm more of the fight variety when I'm in conflict?

Raise your hand, put it up. All right, now if you're like, I'm more of the flight variety, I just kind of avoid conflict, okay? All right, well, I asked my wife, I was like, what am I? She's watched me engage in conflict with friends and staff over many years. She's like, well, you're sort of a combo, more of a smack and run kind of guy.

So maybe you're a combo there. But when somebody really offends you or lets you down or just does you wrong, what's your instinctive response? I told you the other week about our campus pastor over at Capitol Hill's campus, John Muller. I got to eat dinner with him and I told you that story about how they get in this argument. He's like, how could you be so beautiful and so stupid? And she says, beautiful, so you fall in love with me and stupid, so I fall in love with you. Well, they wanted to have us back over for dinner for like a redemptive conversation.

And so we went back over there for dinner. And this time, I mean, John was just in this really sweet mood and he just said, he said, I just want to say this in front of pastor JD. He said, Ashley, I've been so like, I blow up at you sometimes, I just say rude things, I'll get angry, I'll say, and temper things. And you just always sit there so incredibly calmly and always respond so kindly.

How in the world do you do that? To which Ashley replied. She says, oh, that's easy.

Now that's easy. Whenever you blow up at me, I just go and clean the bathroom, scrub the toilet. And John was like, that really, that helps?

And she said, oh yeah, it's because I always use your toothbrush when I do it. So parts of that story are embellished for dramatic effect. But how do you respond?

How do you respond when somebody treats you unfairly? I want you to realize first that Paul is writing to people who understood firsthand what it was like to be treated unfairly. A lot of times it's easy to forget that this was a real letter written to a real group of people.

It didn't just drop out of heaven. It was people with real problems. These people experience, of course, conflicts in their marriages and their families and their friendships and their businesses just like we would because people are the same.

But here's something else that these people would have dealt with that we wouldn't deal with at least in the same ways they do. Rome was a very hierarchical society. It had clear lines of distinction between privileged and underprivileged classes. That meant there were different standards of justice, different opportunities for progress. These were not hidden things. These were things enshrined in the law. We know from history that Christianity's first converts were people from the lower classes.

That's what Paul frequently is addressing, working with your hands. The church in Rome would have consisted of a lot of day laborers and bond servants and just all kinds of people that would have been within the lower classes, which meant that these people knew what it was like to be snubbed and to be discriminated against and to deal with these things on a regular basis. Finally, of course, we know that persecution in Rome was really heating up around this time.

It would ultimately culminate in the beheading of Apostle Paul and a lot of the people that would have been the recipients of this first letter, you may know from history, would have been put in the Colosseum and had their kids fed to the lions, them and their children. So yes, these people knew what it was like to experience conflict. They understood unfair treatment. So what is Paul's counsel for those who feel wrongly and unjustly treated?

Let's just read the whole thing, okay? Verse 14, Paul says, bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Verse 16, live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud. Instead, associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own estimation. By the way, these are not just random spiritual platitudes.

They all tie together. I'll show you that in a minute. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone's eyes.

If possible, as far as it depends on you, you should live at peace with everyone. Friends, do not avenge yourselves. Instead, leave room for God's wrath because it is written, vengeance belongs to me, God says. I will repay, says the Lord in Deuteronomy 32. But if your enemy's hungry, feed him.

If he's thirsty, give him something to drink. For in so doing, you will be heaping fiery coals on his head. And then Paul's conclusion of the whole matter, his summary of the whole section, do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good. That word conquer there in verse 21 is a military term in Greek.

A lot of your translations may say overcome or even overpower. And what Paul is indicating is that evil is something in the world that we are doing battle against. And there is a way that you can win against evil.

And there is a way that you can lose. And the instinctive way that you think you will overcome evil, which is to answer evil with evil, eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, smack for a smack, is the way that you're going to lose. Paul is going to say there are two battle fronts that evil is fighting on. The first is in the person who has done the wrong to you, done the evil into you.

But the second battle front, the one you always forget about, is in you. The evil done to you can cause evil to grow in you. And when you fight evil with evil, Paul explains, evil wins.

It's going to win in you and it's going to win in the other person. Don't fight evil with evil. You should conquer it with good. And so here are four ways Paul tells you in Romans 12 that you have to do that. Number one, he says, don't avoid the offender.

Verse 18, if possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everybody. Got a little star by the word offender. It's a very important star and we'll come back to in just a minute. So hang on. Okay. But I want to start here because for many people, the way to deal with difficult people is what? Just avoid them.

Right? You've got a friend causing you problems in your life, cut them out. I got a friend who literally told me, he said, my friendships are like Lego. It's like a little Lego thing.

You got six little spots on it where you can connect another Lego. He said, I only got six spots and I want them to be all awesome people. So if one of my friends ceases to be awesome, I take them off and put another Lego spot on. I just don't have infinite room for friendships. Somebody in your small group says insensitive things. Oh, you should just leave and find a new one. Somebody at work doesn't understand or respect your faith, avoid that person. You tired of being made fun of or in the classroom or being made fun of in the public square. Oh, just withdraw. Let's just retreat into a Christian bubble where everybody kind of affirms what we already believe.

You got parents in your kids' class that are not raising their kids the way that you like, creating some tension and difficulty with your kids. Oh, well just pull out, go back to your Christian bubble, surround yourself with people who feel safe and comfortable. By the way, this advice is enthroned in our society.

Here's how I knew that. I went on, this is how I do sermon research and typed in how to be happy on Google, the collective mind of Western civilization. One of the very first articles that came up was three ways to be happy always. Now this article had some priceless gems in it, including number one, compliment yourself often, which I've been trying to do all week now. But the other one was this, seek out positive relationships with happy, optimistic, and cheerful people. If you're struggling with your current relationships, seek out new ones. In other words, the moment somebody gets difficult, just delete and replace them.

And that is what a lot of people do. They cut off those who offend them. And if you find yourself in a situation where you really can't do that because you are, for example, married to the person and you don't want to go through the messiness of divorce, or if you live in the same household, this is a parent or a sibling or a roommate, or you're part of the same friend group with this person and you can't avoid all the friends, well, then you can cut them off by withdrawing relationship with them, giving them the silent treatment, so to speak, right? I mean, you may still physically be in their presence, but you don't have any kind of connection with them anymore. And you might even feel like, then you are obeying the passage to live in peace with that person because you say, well, I'm not openly hostile to them anymore. But you understand that's not what Paul is saying here.

This whole passage is about pursuing relationship. It's about overcoming evil, not avoiding evil. And you're doing that, Paul says, through these acts of good.

I mean, think about it, right? Denying somebody your presence is like the ultimate form of punishment, right? Isn't that how God ultimately punishes people? What's he saying in the final judgment? Depart from me.

Hell is, first and foremost, the total absence of God's presence. He turns his face away from them. That's what you're doing when you give somebody the silent treatment.

You're saying to them, you're not worth the relationship with me, so I'm turning my face away. The gospel, by contrast, sends people into the world, into the world to love difficult people as we have been loved, to love people who make themselves difficult for us to love. In fact, here's one of the most important marriage lessons you'll ever learn. One of God's primary purposes in marriage is to teach you to love a difficult person, right?

And by the way, here's a newsflash. God's primary purpose for your spouse in marriage was also to teach them to love a difficult person, and that person was you. I'm not exactly, when my wife and I first started dating, I thought she literally perfect in every way. I was like, I understand total depravity applies to everybody, but I think it skipped my wife, because I really thought she was perfect. And then we got married, and I'm like, she's not. And now I can tell you, there's nobody who's sinned, I understand better and more intimately and deeply than my wife's, right? And there's nobody who's sinned, she understands better and more deeply than my own, which is a lot bigger of a burden for her, because all you guys see up here is the JD we put on stage. The JD who lives in the house can be quite difficult to live with, and she's had to learn how to live with somebody that's difficult. Well, early on, thank God, we realized that God's design in our marriage was not just to make us happy by giving us a great companion in one another, right? That was a purpose, and she is a great companion. God's primary purpose in our marriage was to make us holy by giving us a chance to love somebody else the way that we had been loved.

And that is a much more important purpose in your marriage. So Paul's first point is don't avoid the offender. We'll get back to today's teaching in a moment, but I wanted to make sure that you heard about our new featured resource. It's part two of a Bible study by Pastor Tim Keller called In View of God's Mercy. It'll take you through the second half of the book of Romans, and each of the seven studies includes about 12 key verses to dig deeper on, as well as application questions and prayer prompts. You'll study the Apostle Paul's teaching about the gift of being right with God and what being righteous means for your future. This is a great way to dive deeper into the deep, rich teaching of the book of Romans, either for your own personal growth or to facilitate discipleship conversations with someone else.

To get your copy, give us a call now at 866-335-5220 or give online at jdgrier.com. Now let's get back to today's teaching. Once again, here's Pastor JD on Summit Life.

Now I got two quick caveats to this one. The first is I'm not saying there's never a time to regulate your relationships. Yes, I understand if you and somebody else get along like oil and water, I'm not saying you have to make them your BFF. Paul's primary point is that you just not avoid relationships with difficult people and that instead you try to pursue peace and harmony with them and you not withdraw yourself from anybody who just bothers or offends you. Okay, so I understand that there's some health here, but understand the general trajectory of this is we're overcoming the one who is offending us with good. Second caveat, even more importantly, and that's why I have a little star there, this does not mean, Paul's counsel does not mean that you are ever to stay in an abusive relationship or some relationship where you are being criminally taken advantage of. Sometimes people assume that it's Christ-like to stay in a situation like that or that's what Romans 12 is counseling you to do. But see, Paul is going to follow up this passage.

Unfortunately, there's a chapter break in our Bible, but in the original there's no break. Paul goes right into Romans 13, which explains the role of civil governments in keeping justice. They are, Paul is going to say, God's instruments of justice and peace.

They're established by God to give protection, and you're supposed to rely on them. And so if you are in a relationship that is abusive, particularly one that is criminally abusive, you are supposed to turn to those government officials that Paul is talking about and rely on them. Furthermore, Paul includes two phrases in this passage that show you he is not talking about staying in an abusive relationship. The verse is right there in verse 18. Paul says, if possible, if possible, if possible implies that there are situations where it is not possible.

So hear me very clearly. It is not God's intention for you to remain in an unsafe situation or a situation where you're being exploited. The other phrase that shows you that Paul is not talking about staying in an abusive relationship is in verse nine when Paul says, we looked at this a couple of weeks ago, detest what is evil, cling to what is good.

We looked at this a couple of weeks ago. True love, Paul is saying, true love desires the spiritual health of the other person. True love desires that person to be rid of evil. Staying in a relationship where you're allowing somebody to abuse or exploit you is not helping that person get rid of evil. Tim Keller says it like this, enemies or abusers may be so dangerous that to have anything to do with them is to invite them to sin. In that case, the good, the loving thing that you can do to them is to stay away from them. Of course, he says, you need to discern your motive for staying away. Is your staying away a form of payback or is it a measured response aimed at blessing them?

Listen, these are really difficult questions and almost impossible for me to address in general ways up here from the stage. So let me just say, okay, if you've got questions about this, if you're in a relationship like this, or you're wondering if you are, let me encourage you to reach out for some help. So be clear on what Paul is saying here. I've always thought that one of Jesus's most recognized teachings is particularly helpful here. This is a teaching that a lot of people recognize comes from Jesus, one of his most famous ones, but I found very few people actually understand the nuance of what he's saying and how it applies to situations like this. Matthew 539, Jesus says, if somebody slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other one also.

And people were like, okay, what does that mean? Does that mean that if somebody smacks me on the cheek, I get back up and I'm like, I'm still standing. Take another shot. Take your best shot.

I'll stand here all day. Well, no. Okay. First of all, somebody, at least in the way Jesus is telling it, somebody that's slapping your cheek is not trying to kill you.

Right? I mean, no martial arts textbook says go for the cheek, right? Nobody says that. In Jewish metaphor, cheek meant relationship. And so when Jesus is talking about smacking the cheek, he's using an image of somebody is insulting the relationship, not trying to physically harm you, but they're insulting the relationship.

They have slapped you and said, I'm insulting this relationship. So what do you do? Well, you got three options, right? Option number one that feels instinctive is you smack their cheek back, smack your back.

And we go back and forth like that. So that's option number one. That's instinctive for most of us. Option number two, for more of you that are passive, you offer them the same cheek. I'll just keep taking it. I'll just keep taking it.

You're just going to keep wronging me. And this kind of feels like you're being a good person and not responding, but the problem is it's just welling up inside of you until eventually you either explode or you just cut off all affection for that person. That's offering to them the same cheek. Jesus' option is turn to them the other cheek. The other cheek means, watch this, I'm actually confronting you about what you did. I'm saying you insulted this relationship and you and I can't have a relationship if you keep doing that, but I'm willing to not repay you evil for evil. And I'm going to instead turn to you the cheek of a new relationship.

It's another cheek. And I'm saying we can't, I'm not going to pay you back for that, but I want a relationship with you. And I'm willing to let that go. But part of letting that go means confronting you and telling you that we can't have a relationship if you're smacking the cheek all the time.

That's the new one Jesus is going after. You're confronting evil, but you're doing so in a redemptive, restorative way because you're restoring the relationship, not trying to pay him back. Now I know it's easier, but don't avoid the offender.

Number two, stay out of the judges chair, he says. Look at verse 17, don't repay anybody for evil for evil. Friends, friends, do not avenge yourselves. By the way, it's interesting, Paul, the word here for friends is a very tender word. It really ought to be translated beloved.

A lot of translations do that because Paul understands that when he's getting into this, this is difficult. This is hard. When somebody is really wrong to you, this is a difficult thing to do. And some of you know that. Don't avenge yourself, never. You got to leave room for God's wrath because it's written, vengeance is mine, says the Lord, I will repay. Never, ever, ever, he says, under any circumstances, ever, are you to take vengeance upon yourself. You never get up into the judge's chair, even though it feels so right, because when you get wrong, there is a divine tuning for it that goes off inside of you. And climbing up into that judge's chair feels so awesome. You feel nigh unto deity because you are restoring justice in the universe and you feel right about it.

And Paul says, don't do that. Not against your spouse who was insensitive and uncaring after you had a hard day. Not against your sister who barred your favorite pair of jeans, again, without asking. Not against that guy at work who spread untrue gossip about you. Not against that parent who has disrespected you again, or the child that has made your life unfairly difficult. Not against that person who even committed a crime against you.

Why? Because vengeance belongs to me, God says. Deuteronomy 32, 35, I will repay. And by the way, God means that. God will bring into account every single sin ever committed. Not one sin will go unrequited. Every sin ever committed will be paid for in one of two ways, by that person in hell or by Jesus on the cross where he paid for your sin. So he says, you don't have to do it. It doesn't belong to you. God will do that. You don't have to bear the burden of that.

Now, let me give another caveat here. Does that mean that we're wrong to support a civil justice system or to ever use a civil justice system? No. As I've told you, in the next chapter, Paul is going to explain that God has appointed government authorities as his instrument of justice on earth. That doesn't mean that their justice is perfect.

Far from it. Doesn't mean that theirs is the ultimate word of justice. That's not true either. Just that government is one of God's gifts of mankind to keep the peace and reveal himself. And when the governments execute justice, even if they're not Christians, because the government Paul's talking about in Romans 13 was definitely not Christian. They are representing God when they do that. Romans 13 is about the government. Romans 12 is about you. You as a person. And it means a couple of things, practically speaking. First, it means you never, ever take on yourself the responsibility to get personal justice.

Never. Second, he says, even when you look to the government to restore justice, you do so with love and a desire for restoration in the hearts of those who have wronged us. And again, let me tell you, that's hard. Because when somebody has wronged you, few things feel like they would be more satisfying than to see them pay. But he's saying that if you understand this, even when you're allowing the government systems that God has established to do their work, and you should allow that, there's a part of you that is weeping when they're suffering and you want them to repent and be restored. Sometimes turning the other cheek is easier said than done.

Where do you get the strength to do that? Only from Jesus. You're listening to Pastor J.D. Greer describe loving your enemies here on Summit Life. If you missed any part of this teaching, or if you'd like to catch up on the rest of our series through Romans, you can listen online at JDCreer.com. I hope you've been enjoying jumping back into the book of Romans as much as I have. In fact, Romans is the subject of the newest premium resource that we're offering to our Summit Life family.

It's the second part of a two-part study through the book of Romans written by our friend, Pastor Tim Keller. To receive your copy, simply give a gift of $35 to support this ministry. You can call us at 866-335-5220. That's 866-335-5220. Or you can give online at JDCreer.com.

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Box 122-93, Durham, North Carolina, 27709. Now, before we close, let me remind you that if you aren't yet signed up for our email list, you'll want to go online and do that today. It is the best way to stay up to date with Pastor J.D. 's latest blog posts.

It's quick and easy to sign up at JDCreer.com. I'm Molly Vitovich. Next week on Summit Life, Pastor J.D. will show us how to overcome evil with good as he continues our series through the book of Romans. We'll see you again next time for Summit Life with J.D. Greer.