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Fighting, Jesus Style

Summit Life / J.D. Greear
The Truth Network Radio
May 17, 2022 9:00 am

Fighting, Jesus Style

Summit Life / J.D. Greear

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May 17, 2022 9:00 am

To live happily ever after doesn’t mean you never fight with your spouse. Good couples have learned to fight fairly.

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Today on Senate life with Jeannie Greer for you to forgive somebody else listen is not that you forget about the law altogether is that you choose to not remember or hold that wrong against them because you know that God will take care of it has taken care of the cross will take care of it now.

Vengeance is here so I can put oil light 13. I'm your host Molly benefits and were so glad you joined us today you what love weddings, young couples plan their weddings.

With so much excitement. Anticipating that living happily ever after. Just like the fairytales promised but to be a good couple doesn't actually mean that you never fight with your spouse. Good couples have learned to fight fairly and with a God honoring and goal in mind today were learning how to resolve conflict and not just in marriage, but in all of our relationships.

This is an issue that touches the life of everyone in one way or another.

Now if you miss any of the messages in this study called first love.

Be sure to catch up right away.

Jeannie right now.

Let's join Pastor Janie in a message titled fighting Jesus style. We are in our fourth series, love, and we are studying New Testament classic passage on romance and relationships. Ephesians 5 verse 21, 32, so you have a Bible invite you to take it out and opened it to that passage now. Ephesians 521 through 32 is specifically about marriage and singleness, but I showed you that Paul shows that these things are really just windows into our relationship with God and windows into our own hearts so that things were learning out of this are going to apply to us. Whatever marital status we are in at the moment. I hope some of you married people had fun doing what I asked you to do last week. Remember I told you it's a way of developing your friendship to ask your tell your spouse every day this week.

One thing that happened to you and how you felt about it. One wife complained that every time she asked her husband how he felt. All he said was hungry, and how can you serve me so she said I'm not really sure he's beginning point of these messages. Which brings me to the subject of this week's message. Conflict resolution and forgiveness is what were going to be talking about conflict happens in all of our relationships, but especially in marriage. You want my pet peeves for my pet peeves is wedding service because it seems like most of the sermons I've heard weddings over the years are sweet and sentimental and sappy and affiliate of dumping saccharin in your mouth. Most wedding sermons that I have heard have about as much doubt and reality to them as a Hallmark card.

If you have been married, you know that actual marriage is anything but sweet and sentimental on the one hand it is this glorious burning joy that is better than you ever thought it could be on the other hand, it is his heart is harder than anything you ever encounter or ever realize it is blood sweat and tears is almost anything and everything except for sweet many married people on many a night.

Go to bed after a hard day of marriage and about the only part of this Ephesians 5 passage it that they can remember is the verse.

This is all a profound mystery so I know I don't talk about conflict and what really looks like in all relationships, one of which is marriage. Show me just to spell them out right here from the beginning. Good couples are not couples who don't fight good couples are couples who have learned to fight fairly to fight Christian just in case you are one of those story I engage couples who are like never fight you and I like that when we were engaged.

Oh how fun it is to be young, nave and stupid. You have a lot of wonderful things to learn in the days to come. You just can't be married to another center with other being conflict and the closer you are in a relationship more conflict comes the surface. Listen to this. The problems that split up. Most marriages are not usually some special class of problems.

The problems it's what most marriages are usually generic problems that are present in every marriage.

But what happens is that one or the other. The partners doesn't know how to handle conflict well and they don't want to keep minor problems from becoming major problem so the problems that split up their marriage are not problems in their marriage per se but problems in them. That's what told you the first week there are really no married people issues. There are individual people issues that just get brought out in marriage and I told you so you don't want to admit that it is really convenient for you to blame your spouse for all the problems that you're having, and I realize that your spouse probably causes some of the problems but what you gotta see is that these are individual people issues and just come out in marriage to look at two passages in Ephesians about conflict.

The first one relates specifically to conflict in marriage, but the second one relates to conflict in the church because in either case, the sources of conflict are the same and the solutions are the same. Ephesians chapter 5 verse 25. If you got there yet. Ephesians 525 foot go to the middle three verses of this passage husband. He says love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her at the underlined stuff in your Bible underline the word sanctify saved by her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Paul, in the space of these two or three verses shows you both. God's goal for marriage and then the means that God has for achieving that goal. The goal is our sanctification. Why'd you underline that word.

That's the big got a fancy word that means to make something holy to sanctify your spouse for you to be sanctified is to become holy. More like God. The pattern the means for achieving that goal is the cross the cross. Think about it. The cross is about our conflict with God. We had irreconcilable differences with God in the cross is what God did to resolve irreconcilable differences. That's how we must learn Paul says to respond in our marriages. So if you want to understand why conflict is they are in your relationships.

If you want to understand what God's purpose is in that conflict.

You want to understand what you are to be doing about that conflict. You gotta understand this principle. And that is this that one of God's primary goals and marriage is not just making you happy through suitable marriage partners making you holy by teaching you to wash the feet of another center is what I told you I know that some of you who are married like you married the wrong person in front of it is quite the contrary, because in one since you always married the wrong person that you you never marry a perfect person the right person becomes a bald person and that's God's purpose because God's purpose in marriage here. This is not just to make you happy by giving you a suitable marriage partner to make you holy by teaching you to wash the feet of another center with hurt you and disappointed you and betrayed you the way that you have had done to Jesus and in becoming like Jesus in learning to love and forgive.

Like Jesus, you become holy now is go backwards in Ephesians foot back one chapter of the Dutch iPad skin back one finger swipe to Ephesians 4 because Paul is going to more detail in this passage about where conflict comes from and how you are to resolve it, but you can see is the exact same principle at work. Exact same principle is whether it's conflict in relationship to work.

Your friendships are in marriage.

All the same right to be free commands or highlight three commands in Ephesians 4 about how to fight.

You probably never heard a sermon on how Jesus fights and how you can buy like Jesus will talk about is how Jesus fights and how you could buy like him, and by giving you some really practical steps for ways to put this in the practice. I'm Ephesians 4 verse 25 for such a great president Villeneuve really is the big house of one of my favorite Christian counselor says that in a pinch you can do all of your counseling out of the book of Ephesians 1. The reasons is because of passages like this one verse 25 therefore, having put away all fall so that each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Now that's reference back to the body right and up until now when we talk about the body as a metaphor. We talked about in relationship to marriage, the husband might become one body, but now we talked about the body, what you talking about talk about the church right in the context of Ephesians 4 is the church. The church of the body. The way that husband and wife. In many ways become one body. Verse 26 be angry and do not sin to love the sun go down in your anger and give no opportunity to the devil but no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice I command. Number one underline stop underline the angry, do not sin number 31.

Put away all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander and malice, little one. Beside that is that your first command. Notice that Paul did not tell you never to get angry if I can. One way he commanded you sometimes to be angry.

That's an imperative. Be angry, but he said that when you get angry. Don't sin while what's at me when he defines it for you. Verse 31 to be angry without sin is to be angry without bitterness, wrath, anger, there should really be translated rage and members clamor and slander. When one of those things were those things and where they come from. Those things are when an irritation or when anger has taken on a deep burning quality when anger has become resentment and bitterness and hatred when you fantasize about stopping the face of that person who hurt you with golf cleats.

You are safely within the realm of those things in the illicit out there where there's things come from. I want to explore this for minute the source of these things because it's one thing to tell you that the cut them out. Don't do that anymore unless you get down to the root of where these things come from all you're doing is like it it it is like mowing over the top of a weed in your yard. This should grow back within two or three days in order to get the weed out you pulled up by the roots. What I can give you and your management techniques. But all that's doing is clipping off the top of that of that fruit you got you down to the root of where malice and rattlers has come from got applauded by the root because Paul didn't say contain your wrath container anger: I will be right back. The rest of our teaching in just a moment, but I wanted to quickly share a little bit about our new resource. This might if there's one thing we all need help with not just forming healthy relationships actually building more deeply into those relationships to get started. We created a book of devotionals for anyone who feels distracted and even disconnected from the people in their Baha'is. At times, and in addition we got a 20 conversation cards help kickstart faith-based conversation in your home.

There's nothing greater than experiencing deep community because we live and what better way to talk about things that matter. Not only can I put to God, give us a call at 866-335-5220 or go online to Jeannie and reserve your copy today.

Now, let's return for the conclusion of today's message Pastor where they come from, how to get to the root of two reasons. I will have to go to other places in the Bible to show you this but this is behind Paula say the first when James shut before is so important change for James literally asked the question what causes quarrels and fights and malice and wrath and anger. Clamor slander. But what causes that among you here because it was conflict come from is what is asking if I would ask you if you were married to turn to the other person, and identify the source of your conflict that would be dangerous right because many of you have one word is an answer for where your conflict comes from and you would say you you were the source of my conflict. You are the source of my rage and James is think a little deeper and deeper.

Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you. See you desire and do not have see you murder. You covet, you cannot obtain your fighting.

You quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask the reason that we have conflict.

The reason we have conflict is. I am not getting what I want. And the reason I anger is directed at you is because somehow you are keeping me from what I want or you are not giving me what I want and I deserve that's when anger is directed toward toward you. I get this series of things you are not giving them to me that I want to order so you like you talk about my marriage. You know, James notices writing the church. We will not. The prisoners so he says murder is not meeting just literal murder is also meeting metaphorically that you're keeping me from what I want. I want to despise you. I despise you for Paul calls malice, bitterness, wrath, anger, glamour.

But the problem James says this is found in how controlling your desires are and you your desires have become so important to you, that you hate anyone that keeps you from obtaining those desires, your desires have become an idol you see an idol is anything that you feel like you have to have in order to achieve happiness, peace, and when you have an idol you hate anyone or anything that keeps you from that I ate I could keep explain this to you but sometimes easy thing to do is just tell you what this looks like him. In my own life by many idols as the idle control, especially as relates to my schedule my time yesterday. By the next several problem with that is so when my wife you know this may or may not happen this week.

Okay, I can neither confirm nor deny when my wife comes home 25 minutes late after what she told me she will be home. I find myself literally at the table, about to lose my mind.

I am in rage because she has gotten in the way of me controlling my schedule and my time and now I can't do between three and five, when I clearly plan to between three and five now. Truth be told, a little anger is probably appropriate in that situation, especially if she didn't call her. She didn't keep her work, but it's gone beyond that for me is called to wrath, malice and end rage because she has gotten to the core, something that I want and I feel like I deserve and so I angry at her about that. Now you can switch out the idol with any number of things you your your partners.

I giving you the respect that you thought you deserve bit respect what you want and so you rage and then you're not getting the tenderness or the affection from your spouse not getting the recognition from a boss you're not getting your spouse the sexual fulfillment that you feel like that that that is owed to you. If so, what you do you rage at them because I have this desire and you're not giving it to me and so I hate you for that. Nothing in you listed nothing and you were supposed to be so important to you that it produces malice rather hatred when you miss out on it. Whenever you see those emotions. They all point to the fact that something in your life is becoming idol. They are what I described you before, like smoke from a fire that you can trace the trail the smoke back down to the fire at the altar that you're worshiping at the like overreaction alarms went to stem what is it that I want bad enough that I'm going to yell at two without abuse or neglect to get what is it that I want and demand so badly that I'm willing to yell at two now abuse or neglect to get that's not cool where you bitter at your spouse where you bury your spouse now. Truth is they might be a false, but the rage in the bitterness point toward a deeper problem in you what you should do about this. Passions James says whatever three is you should pray about the you should pray about that you have not because you asked not. In other words, you should trust God with these things and you should leave them to him a verse that I memorized to help me in situations like this.

Isaiah 26, two and three. I will keep him. God says in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed upon me respect upon me, so I know that whenever I'm not in perfect peace. That is a little signal to me that my mind is ethics upon God when I'm in rage what what when when when I have bitterness. It is a problem. Guess someone may have disappointed or hurt me but it points back to when idolatry problem in the because these things are indicating but my lack of perfect peace is indicating that something is become too important to me is replace the role of God in my life. So where these things come from. If you have witnessed down you put A desires and the become idolatrous. That's were malice in rage and other things come from peers B. Here's a second reason when you take upon yourself the responsibility for vengeance take upon yourself the responsibility for vengeance. Let me describe it like this, God put inside a beautiful tuning fork all sense of justice whenever something is unjust. It goes off and you got to see it resolved. That's why we love revenge movies because it's been resolved, and especially if the injustice is directed toward you. You just feel like you're not peace until justice has been has been served right it is if I something that's got to to resolve. And when you are repaying somebody for the injustice they did to you. You feel in that moment and I unto deviancy you feel the authority of God repaying justice were justice needs to be to be repaid, which is what makes what Paul says in Romans 12 verse 19 so very important in getting rid of malice do not ever take revenge, my friends, not in the big things, not in the small things never take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath because it is written, it is mine always to avenge. I will always repay, says the Lord. Possible justice will be served and because justice will be served.

You can leave room for the wrath of God means you never have to take upon yourself the responsibility to vindicate the wrong that was done to you your things. I realize that some of you will hear this is over the top but me to say like this, I realize that every single wrong that has ever been done to me every single wrong that is ever been done to me will be repaid in one of two places you will need to be paid for by Jesus on the cross or it will be repaid by that person in a health therefore I do not have to take upon myself the responsibility to write any wrong because God is going to take all the vengeance that is necessary to suffer Jesus suffered for the person to suffer for the point is I don't have to take it is my responsibility anymore that releases me from all that malice and rapid rages just that I need to have it anymore.

Miroslav Wolf who was a Croatian refugee's family was murdered and on and it is a part of that that situation we got here.

He was a Christian we got here. He said that I was shocked to hear in the United States.

All these theological liberals say that if you believe that a God of judgment and justice that you would become a judgmental violent person. He said the only kind of people who would make a statement like that are theological liberals who never actually suffered any injustice.

He said believe me when you actually suffered injustice like watching your family being murdered. The only way to ever escape the bloodthirsty quest to revenge and to shed blood, and to rage against somebody is the only way is to know that God is the one who gets justice. And so you don't have to.

He said it is because I believe in a God of justice that I develop the capacity to forgive those would murder my family because I know that God will take care of that and he says that frees me from that responsibility and therefore I don't have to take vengeance because it's not mine. I hear people say sometimes that we should forgive and forget your marriage, and I understand, what they mean. But let's be honest when you really been hurt, you can't forgive and forget. You can't forget right to be honest if somebody is really hurt you. You can, but on a number that anymore.

It's too painful to say that the rocks that make me finish this God is in forgive and forget why God is you don't use were on the ship, which he's all-knowing, there's no day that God looks back on his like hot dog on I cannot what happened on the day to get anything when God when we say God forgives and forgets what we mean is that God chooses not to remember to hold that against us because Jesus is paid for on the cross for you to forgive somebody else listen is not that you forget about the wall altogether.

It's that you choose to not remember or hold that wrong against them because you know that God will take care of it has taken care of the cross or will take care of it now. Vengeance is his like and put away all that wrath. You see what Paul says back in Ephesians 4 don't the sun go down in your wrath.

Give no opportunity to the devil. You see when you hold a desire for vengeance watches you actually opening the door for Satan to enter your heart because you are doing the same thing Satan did that made Satan. Satan you have same thing.

Satan is they want to be God when you're taking a role vengeance on yourself. You are wanting to play God and actually give vengeance and what that is happening is that is corrupting and destroying you and many of you are right there. You got bitterness in your heart or the spouse toward her fianc toward an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend and ex-spouse. You have heard this before that holding unforgiveness and bitterness in your heart as I try to repay another person by drinking poison yourself. You've got to let that go.

You have got to say this is an issue between me and God and you have got to forgive because vengeance doesn't belong to you and you have to separate yourself from that it belongs to him. So we need to deduct first command, put away all malice and wrath and hatred in order to do that you had to know where it comes from and it comes from two places one goes from idols that you worship to replace God never truly come from your desire to play God and give vengeance if you will let God be God in your life on both accounts that you will find that stuff just goes away naturally pulled up the roots of malice and anger in a range when you find yourself full and rage filled dreams know I'll has formed in your heart, it's time to destroy it and move on in freedom your listening assignment life Bible teaching ministry and pastor, author and theologian JD Greer. Our current resource this month is a set of conversation cards.

In a study called devotions for the distracted family JD I know you have a specific name in mind when we pull together helpful resources like that. So what do you hope listeners will take away from this study grow best in our faith in community.

Whatever the community is your family small group friends who are like family and of course your local church. Our goal is to keep you in those your closeness with talking and communicating in that group about important things like faith relationships and even rest.

We created a book for anybody who feels distracted, disconnected, at times given you a tool in this conversation.

Cards that will help kickstart conversation, ask questions that will take your conversations places they they may not otherwise go. I think you find really really helpful love to be able to give these resources to make you participate in the ministry that God is given us here today and remember to your copy and devotions for the distracted family conversation. I 24. You can donate online hi Molly, that event so he joined be sure to listen to my pastor to remind the protector in our relationship metaphor, we can all use right away.

He went say here on Senate life

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