Today on Summit Life with JD Greer. The point of marriage is not to make you happy by giving you a perfect soulmate. God's point of marriage is to make you holy by teaching you to love like Jesus. I love how Elise Fitzpatrick says it: The point of marriage is to learn to wash the feet of another sinner: a sinner who has disappointed you, a sinner who has betrayed you, and in Jesus' case, a sinner who's going to crucify you. Welcome to Summit Life with pastor, author, and apologist J.D.
Greer. I'm your host, Molly Vitovich. Today, Pastor JD helps us answer the question, what are you actually looking for as you long for love and romance in your life? We're going to deal with our expectations for marriage, but also clearly see God's plan for singleness as he continues our study of Ephesians chapter five called First Love. As you can see, today's program is for everyone, no matter their relationship status.
Now, if you missed the first two parts of this message, you can always catch up online free of charge at jdgreer.com. Today is part three of a message he titled This Light and Momentary Marriage. Let's jump back in with Pastor JD in Ephesians chapter 5, verse 31. Therefore Paul says A man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery of marriage is profound.
Because I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. Paul, in these two verses, explains to us that marriage was given to us Not as an end in itself. It was given to us as a sign of a higher reality. And that is, according to Paul, Christ's relationship to his church.
So here's number one, and you should write this down. This is deep. Number one, marriage is not ultimate. It is a sign and a shadow of a higher reality. A gift of God, no matter how good, should never replace in your heart the thing it symbolizes.
So here's my question for you, just be honest. Could you? Be single your whole life and not feel devastated. Because if the answer is no, then marriage has probably become an idol to you. I don't mean do you want to be married?
Because that's a God-given desire. I'll show you that in a minute. But I mean, is it so significant to you that you don't see how life would be worth living without it?
So let's leave there. And let's go to 1 Corinthians 7. Paul wrote both Ephesians and 1 Corinthians.
So he is going to take the concept that he's got here in Ephesians 5. And he's going to apply it in 1 Corinthians 7 to a church. that's made up of a lot of single people. All right, 1 Corinthians 7.7. Paul says, regarding marriage, I wish that all were as I myself am.
Now, maritally speaking, what was Paul? Do you know this? He was single, that's right. But each of us has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. Here's number two, write this down.
Singleness is not an inferior state to marriage. Look where Paul talks about this again, verse 29. The appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none. You see, for the present form of this world is passing away.
The world is passing away. And along with the world is passing away. Marriage is passing away. Biological families are passing away. They're not ultimate and they're not permanent.
So, watch, he's saying to people who are married, you ought to reflect on the fact that this marriage that you're in, that your biological family you're in, it's just temporary, it's light and it's momentary and it's not eternal, it's not eternally significant. Oh, and you single people, you ought to reflect on the fact that that state that you're in right now, that's not permanent or eternal either. That's just a temporary life thing. That what's ultimate and what's eternal is Christ in the church, not marriage and biological family. Christ and the church are what's permanent and ultimate.
So that leads me to number three. Both marriage and singleness are temporary gifts that God uses for the fulfillment of his purposes. Look again at verse 7. Each of us has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. Notice that both marriage and singleness in this verse are called gifts.
All right, which leads me to number four. Both singleness and marriage have their advantages and their drawbacks.
Okay, marriage is wonderful. It really is. But it has its drawbacks. Paul acknowledges this, verse 33. The married man is anxious about worldly things.
How to please his wife? and his interests are divided. And to the women, he says the exact same thing, verse 34: The unmarried or the betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit, but the married woman is anxious about worldly things. By the way, worldly there doesn't mean sinful, it just means things of the world. Worldly things, how to please her husband.
Now listen, I don't want to take away from being married. Marriage is my gift. I would not be half the man. That I am, or the minister that I am, if I wasn't a husband and a father. But my interests are by God's design.
Divided. There are advantages to being single. There are drawbacks to being single. There's advantages to being married. There's drawbacks to being married, which leads me to number five.
The answer to should I get married? I'm going to give you two parts to this. The answer to Get I Married is: A: Do I have the gift? Or you're like, how do I know if I have the gift or not? Good question.
Verse 9. For it's better to marry than to be aflame with passion. In other words, if you're not good at virginity, then you should work toward getting married. Are you aflame with passion? You know what aflame with passion means?
It means when you look at a girl, guys, you're like, man, she is hot. That's aflame with passion. Is what a girl feels when she sexually desires a guy. And if he's like, you can't control that, then you ought to ask God for the gift of a spouse so you can have an easier time being holy. Paul, who had the gift of singleness, describes himself like this: verse 37.
Look at this: Whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity, having his desire under control, he will do well. If those things describe you right now, then you probably have the gift of singleness, at least for the time being. And you ought to take advantage of it.
Now if those phrases don't describe you at all, then you should ask God for a spouse. Here, the second part of that. The answer to should I get married is B, is it time? Do I have the gift? And is it time?
Sometimes, I mean, let's face it, you might feel like you want to get married, but it's obviously not God's will because you don't have the right person, it's not in your life, or circumstances dictate that it's just not the right situation.
So you could ask, is it time? Look at what Paul says in verse 26. This is a tad bit. Follow me, because this might not make a whole lot of sense in verse. Verse 26: I think that in view of the present distress, it's good for a person to remain as he is.
Bye. When Paul's writing this, We're in an era of history where Christians are experiencing an unusual amount of persecution. Families are literally being torn apart. Kids are being sold into slavery. Families are being butchered in the arena and fed to the lions.
And what Paul says is: in view of the present distress, If you're the president, it's probably best if you don't get married. Because, I mean, face it, you can go through persecution as a single person. If you got to go through it as a married person with a family, that's a whole different level. When you gotta watch your kids fed to the lions, that's different. And in view of the present distress, you should probably not seek to be married.
Okay? That was then. But we're not in a particularly persecuted era of history right now. We're not in a present distress, at least, not compared to them. We're not.
So, what does that mean for us? Here's how you extrapolate the principle and apply it. In your life, there can be present situations that would make it more advantageous for you to wait. You can find a situation just like they were in. Where you realize it's more advantageous for you to wait.
A few examples. You're completing your education. You're trying to get established in your career. Maybe you need to heal from something in your life, some past relationship, that is just going to complicate things if you're in another relationship. And so that's a present distress that you've got to go through single.
Or maybe it's a call to a mission assignment. Listen to me, there are times when marriage or a relationship would hinder some of the good things that God wants to do in your life. And if that is the case, take advantage of this chapter of your life right now. Press into the charismata, the spiritual empowerment that God gives you to be single because it's a gift. It's a gift that God's gonna use to do some things in your life and through you that He would not do otherwise.
Don't look at it as a curse. It's not a curse, it's a gift. Paige Benton Brown says this: I love this. I'm not single because I'm too spiritually unstable to possibly deserve a husband. Nor because I'm too spiritually mature to possibly need one.
I am single because God is so abundantly good to me and because this is His best for me right now. Which leads me to number six. Don't squander one blessing by coveting another one. Yeah, I tell you what I thought about with this. I think about David, King David, when he was called.
by God to be king. Do you know the story well enough? To answer, think of it, true or false. After David was anointed by Samuel to be king, by pouring oil on his head. David immediately was whisked off by their version of a limousine, a chariot, whisked off to the palace where he was robed in kingly robes.
He was paraded out on the balcony, and the whole nation cheered, and he went right to making good kingly decisions that day. Is that how it happened? Wrong. False. David was anointed to be king, and where did David go?
Right back to the pasture. What is that like? What is it like to just have been told by a prophet of God that you're supposed to be the king of Israel, and your next morning you get up and you chase a bunch of sheep around, shoveling up their dung and keeping them from falling off a cliff? But David would not have been half the king. Had he not gone through that time in the pasture.
That's where God taught him some of the best lessons of his life. That's where he learned courage. That's where he learned to depend on God. That is where he learned. to commune with God in a way that he probably wrote Psalm 23 in the pasture.
Some of you feel called to be married. But you're in a pasture of singleness. And you're going to squander the things that God wants to do. by his spiritual gifting in this time because you're coveting a blessing you think is coming later. They're both gifts.
Don't squander one blessing by coveting another one. David would not have been half the king he was without the pastor. You will never be half the person God intends you to be unless you learn to take advantage and press into the charismata that God is going to give you right now in this chapter of your life of singleness. You do not have to wait to start your life. You need to get going with what God is doing in your life right now.
And if you're called to be single during this time, you need to put your sights not on marriage. You need to put them on the will of God. And you need to start chasing the will of God as fast as you can and let God add marriage when he chooses. Matthew 6:33, one of my life verses. Seek first the kingdom of God.
And all these things, Jesus said, will be added to you. Not seek first marriage. Seek first the kingdom of God. And let him add that to you when he wants. All certainly includes the blessing of marriage.
I love how Tommy Nelson describes it. Is this thing of like the kingdom of God or the will of God out here? It's like, as a single person, what you got to do is you got to set your sights on the will of God, and you got to start running as fast as you can toward the will of God. He said, What happens is after running for a while, eventually you turn over and look, and there's somebody running right beside you, going as fast as you are in the same direction. And they're cute.
And you're like, hey, wanna go together? And you do. You don't find that person by wandering around in obsession and desperation. You focus on the kingdom of God and let God add it. In fact, write this down.
Get on the highway of God's will for your life. Don't putz around in the cul sack of desperation. Are you sensing there's so much more to these relationships than you thought before? You were listening to Summit Life with Pastor J.D. Greer, and we'll jump back into the teaching in just a moment.
But first, can I tell you about something really helpful and totally free? Twice per week, we send out a newsletter designed to help keep you encouraged and in the loop with us here at Summit Life. It has links to Pastor JD's most recent messages on radio, TV, and podcasts, plus updates on brand new resources, free downloads, and even stories from listeners who are being impacted by the gospel through this ministry. And when you sign up today at jdgreer.com, we'll also send you a little free gift, our assured 10 day devotional guide. If you're struggling with questions about your salvation or know someone who is, this 10 day devotional from Pastor J.D.
Greer walks you through scripture to explore what it means to truly believe the gospel, find lasting assurance in Christ, and rest confidently in your place in God's family. Whether you're full of doubt or just need deeper clarity, Assured offers honest answers and gospel hope, and it's completely free.
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Now, let's finish up our teaching on marriage and singleness. Once again, here's Pastor JD. Number seven, when it's time, don't wait. I love what Paul says in verse 36. If anyone thinks he's not behaving properly toward his betrothed, his passions are strong, and it has to be.
Let him do as he wishes. Let them marry. It's no sin. Then in verse 37, he says, but if you're single, be firmly established and do that. Translation, watch this.
translation. Whatever you do. Do it confidently and do it boldly. I've got a special word from the Holy Spirit. For some of you single guys.
Make Up. Your Cotton picking. Might. All right, don't string her along. Do not put a ring on her finger with an elusive promise of marriage way out there three, four years down the road.
If she's the right one and it's the right time, Paul says, marry her. And if this is a calling in your life, if you've a call to be married, show some confidence. Listen, I realize this probably gets close to gender stereotyping.
So, again, just give me grace. But girls usually do not respect some wishy-washy guy. who does what we call in our church the sneak-a-date. You know what that is? It's where the guy doesn't have the courage to actually ask the girl out, so he just kind of arranges ways for them to be together.
Like, oh, look, we're together again. Sneak it at eight. You know? And you've got a friendationship. You know, it's not really a relationship, but you kind of like a little weird to be friends.
So don't do that. Right? I mean, at least show some confidence to ask her out. You know, it's just. Don't be mad at me, but grow up.
Right, put on a shirt with buttons. That's where you can start. Shave, bathe. Did somebody show you how to put product in your hair? Girls are not into a guy that's had the same haircut since he was three.
All right? Put up Star Trek outfits. Don't play PlayStation all the time. Become a man and show some initiative. Listen, if it's not time for you to get married, Gentlemen, guys, as in you don't have a job.
They quit Florida with her. Quit leading her on and get on with what God's doing in your singleness. Girls, you too. It's not time to get married. Don't lead the guy on.
Don't make him the victim of your propensity to serial dating because you've got to be attached to the drug of a new relationship to make you feel good about yourself. Dating is a road that leads to marriage, and if you're not ready for the destination, get off the road. Whatever you're going to do it, do it boldly. The point is: listen, when it's time to wait on God, wait. When it's time to act, go boldly into the land.
Be strong and courageous.
Now, guys, one word of moderation. If she says no, Leave her alone. Do not go too quickly. Do not pull the God card. Do not drop the marriage card on the first date.
Okay, it probably shouldn't need to be said, but I guess it does. Don't drop the marriage card the first day. Godliness and confidence should never be confused with creepiness.
Okay, fine line between those two things: godliness and confidence, creepiness, don't confuse those. Number eight. Number eight, quickly, reject the e-harmony myth. Nothing wrong with e-harmony. Nothing wrong with it.
But the myth is that if you could just find the perfect person, then you'll have a happy marriage. And that leaves you almost paralyzed trying to find Mr. or Mrs. or not, Mrs. Perfect, that would be bad.
Never Mrs. Perfect. Mr. Perfect or Miss Perfect. It leaves you paralyzed because you're so afraid that if you don't get the exact right person, you're going to have an unhappy marriage.
That's a myth. You want to know why we believe it? We believe it because we buy into what Tim Keller calls apocalyptic romance. Apocalyptic romance. Guys, you'll appreciate this.
You ever notice that every romantic movie Every romantic movie has the exact same plot. The life story begins as two people are about to meet each other. And then they realize that everything in their lives has been leading up to this point.
So then they exchanged some witty banter. And then they have a Disney-esque romantic affair where they find true love, and once they do, the story fades out. And you don't want to see the sequel because the sequel will be boring. If it's just them, you know, hanging out in their married life, you don't want to watch that. And the message is clear.
Life begins and ends by finding romance saturated in infatuation. Let me give you a news flash, okay? There is no perfect person. If you think that you found the perfect person, check their hand. And unless it's nail-scarred, that's just an illusion.
That you will see through in about 18 months, which is how long I psychologists say it takes for an infatuation to wear off. The person you are so into. that you think is so perfect was so bad. That Jesus had to die to save them. There was something in them that was so screwed up that only Jesus' blood could fix it.
You think that's going to cause some problems in your marriage? If it was bad enough that Jesus had to die to fix it, it's probably going to cause you some mild irritation at least. Here is the point. Because you idolize marriage, you're trying to find the perfect person. You're terrified you'll marry the wrong one.
Or if you are married, how about this? You're miserable thinking that you married the wrong person. I know that some of you are married and you just secretly, maybe you vocalize it, maybe you don't. You're like, I think I was too young and immature when I chose my spouse, and I married the wrong person, and so we're never going to be happy. That's the eHarmony myth.
Can I tell you something that will really help your marriage? Write this down. You always marry the wrong person. That's not a joke. That is gospel truth.
Because you are marrying a sinner. And by the way, even if they were the right person when you married them, Veronica says that she's been married to about four different JDs in the 13 years we've been married. Because I change, and so do you.
So, even if she was married to the right one at one time, that guy's gonna be gone in a few years, and it's gonna be a brand new JD in his place. The e-harmony myth is that happiness in marriage depends on finding the right person. But it's not compatibility that makes for a happy marriage. It's grace that makes for a happy marriage. The point of marriage, you see, listen, is not to make you happy by giving you a perfect soulmate.
The point of marriage, God's point of marriage, is to make you holy by teaching you to love like Jesus. I love how Elise Fitzpatrick says it. The point of marriage is to learn to wash the feet of another sinner. That's the big point in marriage: just to learn to watch the feet of another sinner, a sinner who has disappointed you, a sinner who has betrayed you, a sinner who lets you down, and in Jesus' case, a sinner who's going to crucify you. Last one, here we go, real quick.
Number nine, never settle. Never settle. Verse 39 tells you to marry only in the Lord. Never marry an unbeliever or somebody who is not walking strongly in Jesus. Again, I don't mean the gender stereotype, because all these things apply to both genders.
But just for sake of Illustration. A lot of girls freak out about the age of 25 that are single. Oh my gosh, I'm not married. Oh, I got married. I gotta find somebody.
If you get married. Listen. And God gives you children. Those children are going to become the most precious things in the world to you. And the person that you attach yourself to is going to become the biggest spiritual influence on your kids, for good or for bad.
If they are not a believer, if they're not somebody who is a spiritual leader. Don't sacrifice. Don't sacrifice. the souls of your children. For the temporary euphoria.
of the drug of infatuation. Why don't you learn to be happy in Jesus, to be satisfied in Jesus? And then, why don't you then let God give you his choice? God gives his best to those who leave the choice to him. Never settle.
Paul says only in the Lord. Men only marry someone who is running after Jesus like you are. Women only marry someone who is running after Jesus like you are. Never settle. Here's John Piper's final word here to single.
Listen. Those are marriages light and momentary. God promises you singles. Blessings in the age to come that are better. than the blessings of marriage and children.
I am not sent to mentalizing singleness to make the unmarried feel good. I am declaring the temporary and secondary nature of marriage and family over against the eternal and primary nature of the church. Marriage and family are temporary for this age. The church is forever. I am declaring the radical biblical truth that being in a human family is no sign of eternal blessing.
But being in God's family means being eternally blessed. Relationships based on family are temporary. Relationships based on union with Christ are eternal. Marriage is a temporary institution, but what it stands for lasts forever.
So renounce the primacy of your natural relationships and follow Jesus into the fellowship of the people of God. I say it again to all singles in Christ: God promises you blessings in the age to come that are better than the blessings of marriage and children. Marriage is temporary and it will finally give way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along, Christ and the church. That's it. You got to get that principle.
Marriage is light and momentary. Christ and the church are eternal. Because everything else we learn about relationships and love and romance grows out of that. Yeah. Marriage is temporary, and it will ultimately give way to the relationship it was pointing to all along.
Solid biblical truth here on Summit Life with pastor, author, and apologist JD Greer.
So, JD, we've been blown away by the generosity of our gospel partners. And you often talk about the importance of making the gospel known deep and wide. How do gospel partners help make that vision a reality? Thanks, Molly. I love this question because it gets right at the heart of what we're about here at Summit Life.
When we say that we exist to take people deeper into the gospel and to advance the gospel wider in the world, it comes right out of Colossians 1, 5, and 6. What we mean is that we want our hearers, and those of you listening right now, to know the gospel deeply. I mean, to understand it better, to be transformed by it, to go deeper into it better. Gotcha. Wider means we want to see the gospel spread as far and wide as possible through you as well as through this ministry here.
None of that happens by accident. It takes people who are committed to making it a reality. And Molly, one of the privileges we have is serving with one of the most dedicated teams here at Summit Life who are committed to our audience and to praying for them. But there's another side of that partnership, and it's what we call our gospel partners. They're not just donors to the ministry.
They are partners with us in the mission. They pray for us, they hear from us, we pray for them, and they give financially. Again, I want you to hear this: it's not about fundraising. For us, it's really about, I like to say, faith raising.
So, hey, if you're on the fence, I would say jump in. You're not just giving, you're sending the hope of Jesus as it goes deeper in you, you're sending it wider into the world. We would love to have you join our team of partners today. When you call us, you'll also have the option of donating to support this ministry. And when you give at the suggested level of $45 or more, we'll say thanks by sending you a book by Pastor JD that's all about the gospel.
It's titled Stop Asking Jesus into Your Heart. And you can ask for a copy when you donate by calling 866-335-5220 or go online to jdgreer.com. I'm Molly Vitovich. Be sure to join us tomorrow as Pastor J.D. continues our study in Ephesians.
That's Wednesday on Summit Life with J.D. Greer. Today's program was produced and sponsored by JD Greer Ministries.
